Awkwafina Is Nora from Queens (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Savage Valley - full transcript

(Thierry)
Banshees, run!

(gaming music and sound effects)

Got 'em.

Nora, bien fait!

Shh! Thierry, how many
times I gotta tell you

my parents are
sleeping in there?

(Kofi)
Nora, you proposed this time.

Yeah, because you said I wasn't
allowed to play with you guys

unless I kept
international hours, Kofi.

Nora, if it was up to me,
you wouldn't be on the team.

Farming unsanctioned
Calendula root



without consulting us?

Le gaul...

How many times
I gotta tell you that

that root is gonna
bring us ore, okay?

It's driven Banshees
straight to our patch.

Don't worry.
I'll fight 'em off

with my Enchanted Rake
from Blyseria.

(loud burp)
Sorry, I just...

Been drinking a lot of Red Bull.

Let's kill some Banshees!
Yeah, let's go!

♪♪

(air hissing)

(bleep, blows raspberry)

Good morning.



Good morning, Daddy.
(chuckling)

I had fallen asleep.
Sorry about that.

Yeah, it's okay,
it's just my workspace.

Somebody put garbage here.

I'm sensing a little
frustration that I...

Do not like it when
I use your computer?

I hate it when
you use my computer.

Dad, we discussed this.

You know what
I'm using this for.

To play fruity-tooty games.

No!

Sending emails
and applying to jobs.

Oh, what jobs?

Editor-in-Chief of
the "Miami Herald."

Music Supervisor,
"Stranger Things."

DOJ attorney for
the city of Trenton.

These are not viable jobs.

Yo! Yo! Yo!
I just saw on Weibo

that Nancy Hong is looking
for an office assistant

at her real estate firm.

You're on Weibo?

Well, yeah!

Weibo, American Twitter,
Reddit, Xanga.

I got a lot to say.

(sighs, whispering) Dad,
can you call Nancy, please? Please?

I gotta get my car
out of jail, Dad.

All right, fine, fine.
I'll see what I can do.

(alert chimes)
Whoa...

Taye Diggs is following me.

He's hot.

Wasn't he married to Adele...

Idina Menzel.

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adele...

Idina Menzel!

♪♪

(voice assistant)
You have arrived at your destination.

(woman)
What? Huh?

No speak!
No speak English!

No, she no here!

(mouthing silently)

No, sorry.

Hi, Nora!

How you doing?

So good to see you.
Nice to see you.

So grown!
Thanks.

So, just a little
minor housekeeping.

If any banks, creditors,
or utilities call, just say,

"No speak English,"
or, "No Nancy here."

Oh.
Okay, so here is your desk.

Great, I love it, cool.
Yeah.

Yeah, so, I'm sure you've worked
as an assistant before.

Yeah.
Yeah.

So you know Hootsuite,
Slack, Evernote, Outlook.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.
Great.

(chuckling)
Oh, man, is that you?

Yeah, that was me on the cover

of "Top Agent" magazine in 1996.

1996! Oh! And these are the...
These are all the listings?

Well, these are the unsellables.

These are the listings
so far gone

that no one else
will take them on.

Oh my God, that looks like the...
The Chinese Death Trap.

That is the Chinese Death Trap.

No way. The one that
housed all those, like,

Hong Kong crime organizations
back in the day?

Yeah.

That and... and there...
There is some asbestos

and some leaky pipes
and... Cantonese ghost.

How long have you had that one?

Just... 16 years,
five months, three days.

But, um...
Yeah.

Just taking a little time.

Anyways, I'm gonna get going.

Oh...
So, can you enter these into Excel?

Sure, yeah, I can do that.

Great, well, I'm gonna
take a break.

My first break in ten years.

Ten years, wow.
Yeah, go... go get 'em.

Bye, Nancy!
See you soon!

♪♪

Knock-knock.

Nancy!
Hey, Nora.

Hey...
How's it going?

So good.

Did you get a touch-up
on your perm?

I did, thanks for noticing!

Yeah, I had a coupon for Great
Clips just burning my pocket,

and I thought,
you know, why not?

I really like it.

And I also got a spray tan.

Nice!

Thanks, yeah,
it smells like blood, so...

That's okay, I love blood.

Um, I would love
to stay and help, uh,

but I can't bend
for four to six hours.

So if you wouldn't mind
just turning off the copier

and the lights.
Mm-hmm.

Locking the deadbolt and getting

the answering machine going.

You got it.
I can do that.

Great, and I can't bend...

Yeah! The door, okay, yes.

Gosh, sorry that
I smell like murder.

That's okay.

What, are you making coffee now?

It's midnight.
Yes.

It's midnight but I didn't
get a chance to nap today.

And I had to do a bunch
of "Savage Valley" stuff and...

Don't worry, I'm not gonna
use your precious office.

I'll be on my laptop.

And what about work tomorrow?

I know, Dad!

We're unveiling our new farm.
It's a big deal, all right?

We're already number one on tier
three of Jared's E-Sports Blog.

We could be tier two.

Cupcake, I put myself
on the line

getting you this job.

And I don't need to tell you,

Nancy sends us a
nutcracker every Christmas.

I know, Dad.

Go to bed.

You got work tomorrow.

I'm going to bed.

♪♪

♪ Got this ♪

♪ Got this ♪

♪ Got this ♪

♪ Got this ♪

♪ Got this, got this ♪♪

(gaming music)

No offense, Thierry,
but I should be the one

to unveil the farm
to King Caspian.

Fine.

Nora, make sure you
protect the Calendula root.

If King Caspian sees it,
he'll banish us...

to Dead Man's Desert.

Nora?

Nora!

I'm sorry... I'm awake.
I just, um...

I took on this day job,
and I'm doing this at night.

It's just, it's...
It's... it's a lot.

We all make sacrifices, Nora.

I gave up fencing.

Thierry, look.

I don't mean to drop
the ball on Winter Harvest.

I'm just...

(yawning) I'm just very
sleepy, I'm sorry.

Why don't you take the popular
American drug cocaine?

I heard it gives you energy.

No, my dealer got it
at dentist school.

He's not doing it anymore.

I might have some Adderall from,
from high school.

Adderall is illegal in France.

ADD is a made-up disease.

Hold, please.

(pills rattling)

(whispers)
Expired 2007.

I should double up.

(slurps)

All right, bitches,
let's farm some mandrake root.

(vigorous stirring)

Good morning, Father.

How are ya?

I made breakfast this morning.

Didn't know if you like
chocolate chip or blueberry,

so I made both.

And they're excellent.

(whispers)
Thank you, Grandma.

(chuckling)

I'll just stick to my toast.

(Nora)
Okay, that's fine.

Grandma...

your wok's clean.

Aww...

Grandma loves Nora.

Hey, Nora?

How long have you been up?

Hours...
I spent hours

doing my hair.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Yeah, that's different.

And then you...

made all this stuff for...

For work, yeah.

I'm number two now.

Golden Prosperity
Real Estate, right?

Women empowering women.

No listing left behind.

Because women is gonna...
be there.

I gotta go.

We both got Marcia Clarks!

Oh, Ma.

(laughing)

(keyboard clacking)

Hi, Nancy!

Nora!

Hey!

What are you doing
here so early?

I, uh, I organized
the reception desk.

I checked all the messages.
I filed all the paperwork here.

And we got staples, paper goods.
And the best part...

(drawer opening)

Highlighters.

Wow, a whole drawer full
of highlighters... amazing.

My new office strategy
requires a lot of highlighting.

So I'm gonna need
them on standby.

That is...
(drawer shuts)

Until we go live.

Live?
Yeah.

I took all our listings
and digitally entered them

into a website builder.

You know HTML?
I do.

I taught myself
in the last 49 minutes.

And, uh, put this together. And when I
press this button here... we'll be online!

Oh, my gosh.
That's incredible, Nora.

Thank you!

You're incredible.
You're the best assistant I've ever had!

(sniffling)
Thank you.

Thank you, bye!

♪ Damn, look at that walk ♪

♪♪

♪ I'm a bad bitch,
I do what I want ♪

♪ I'm a bad bitch,
I do what I want ♪

♪ Smoke all day,
then get some head ♪

♪ Smoke all day,
then get some head ♪

♪ How you gonna stunt
when your card gets declined ♪

♪ How you gonna stunt
when your card gets declined ♪

♪ Damn, look at that walk,
walk ♪

♪ They see the shoes
they be like ♪

♪ Damn, look at that walk ♪
Oh, yeah.

♪ They see the moves
they be like ♪

♪ Damn, look at that walk ♪

♪ Look at that walk ♪

♪ Damn, look at that walk ♪

Ahh.

♪ You slept on a bitch,
now watch a bitch blow up ♪

Nora, wow, the office
looks amazing!

Are those fresh flowers?

And is that a telescope?

Yeah.

So you can see the stars, Nancy.

Nora, you're incredible.

You change your
hair or somethin'?

Yes, I changed up a little bit.

Big hair means big sales.

Is that right?

♪♪

(gaming sound effects)

(Kofi) You just killed me.
I'm on your team!

What are you doing?
We were going to trade

that mandrake root
with the merpeople!

No! We do not negotiate with
(bleep) merpeople, all right?!

Build that wall!

Aw, Nora, I hate Americans!

I hate the (bleep) French.
I hate Gérard Depardieu.

Little bitch.

Where's the fruit platter?

Where's the fruit platter?

(cabinets slamming)

The fruit platter's
on the table.

You just set it down.

Right, right.
Yes, right.

Nancy called me last night.

Oh, no, what'd she say?

She hates me?
She wants to kill me?

She wants to set me on fire?

I brought these pillows
to her office.

The pink ones are psychotic.
What? No.

She says you're
doing really good.

She says that you're the best
office worker she ever had.

Yeah, well, she's wrong.

Because there's always
work to be done.

And I'm... and I'm still...
(blows raspberry)

You know what I mean?

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You're doing really
good, Princess.

And your hair
looks really great.

Thank you.

You look like Farrah Fawcett.

Huh?
(chuckling)

Who's that again?

"Charlie's Angels."

Yeah...
I gotta go, I'm late!

♪♪

Marcel says the secret
is a light brush

and never to wash it.

And if you just give it
a little shake...

But how does it get so floppy?

It's natural.
(chime)

I was a part-time
model for a long time.

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, Nancy!

Someone wants to buy
the Chinese Death Trap!

What?

Check it out.
Our website. See?

Oh, my God, that is incredible.

And get this.
They want a viewing tomorrow.

Oh, no, tomorrow.
No, it's still condemned.

No, no, not anymore.
I already called the DOH.

I called NYCHA.
I told 'em.

They fixed the leaky pipes,
the asbestos,

the black mold, all that.

But, Nora, have you seen it?
It'll never be ready in time.

No, no, I got a...
I got a cleaning cart.

I got all the supplies.
I got... Fabuloso.

I got all of it.

Okay.
Yeah.

Nora, thank you so much.
Yeah.

Well, I'd love to stay
and help but...

I have an appointment
to get my pubes microbladed.

I just love symmetry.

Sure.

So great to have
all this me time.

Bye, Nora.

Bye, Nancy.

No!

F... (bleep)

(bleep)

(bleep-bleep)

(school bell rings, chatter)

Ted! Scoot-scoot!

Nora? Ted, psst! Come here.

Why are you dressed like that?

Like what?

You look like "Hedwig
and the Angry Inch."

No, listen, Teddy,
I need Adderall.

I know these (bleep) have it.
I know he has it.

Been looking at him
the whole time.

I know you're in high school.

You got the ACTs,
you got the SATs,

you got the Regents,
you got FAFSA.

I know, I know, but...

I need... I need
a solid here... please.

Okay, I have Vivantic.

Okay.
My parents made me get it,

but it's a lot stronger
than Adderall, so...

Great.

(sighs)
Okay.

Awesome, dude.
Thank you.

Whoa, Nora, Nora, uh...

I'm not sure if I feel
comfortable giving this to you.

You're giving me really
strong Charlie Sheen vibes,

and I'm... I don't think
I can do this, I'm sorry.

Listen! I'm under a lot
of pressure here, okay?

I got a day job
as a real estate agent.

I got a night job.
It's playing "Savage Valley."

And I got a lot of people depending
on me in my universe, all right?

I got Dad, Grandma,
Thierry, Kofi, Nancy.

I got all of them and...
And I'm stressed out.

Fine, fine, you know what?
Just take it, just take it. Teddy!

Uh, please be careful!

It's really strong,
so dose with caution!

You're still special without it!

(ominous music)

(clattering)

(mice chittering)

(Nora gasping)

(pills rattling)

(pills dropping on floor)

Ugh!

(chittering)

(ominous music)

(gaming sound effects)

(explosions)

(Nora grunting)

Get out of here!
Vanquish!

You can see this
natural paneling...

Ohh! Ho! Ow!

Nora, what the hell
are you doing?!

Banishment!
Banishment!

Nora, stop it!

(panting)

Ohh.

Nancy, I... I was...
I was cleaning.

And... and...
And the merpeople came in.

They were doing
their evil dance and...

And I, uh... I lost sight
of myself, I'm sorry.

There are no merpeople.

Though I am legally required
to disclose that there have been

some sightings
of Cantonese ghosts.

I knew it!

Let's make it to the bedroom.

There's some wonderful, natural
sunlight in there, upstairs.

Nancy, I'm sorry.

(sniffles) I am very
disappointed in you.

Go home.
You are done here.

(sighs)

♪♪

(gaming music plays)

I've never gotten
a scroll before.

Dear NorrestGump22.

After much consideration,
we have decided

to expel you from our team.

We don't like who you've become.

Someone who burns farmlands.

Steals mandrake root.

Enslaves merpeople.

And murders your own teammates.

(Kofi) With you,
we will never make it

to tier two of
Jared's E-Sports Blog.

And, as you know,
that is everything to us.

(recaps bottle)

(toilet flushes)

(keyboard clacking)

Hey, Nancy.

I just came
to collect my things.

Nora, Nora, my star!

(tearful laughter)

What's... What's going on?

I-I thought I was fired.

You are, but so am I.

What?

I said when I sold
the Chinese Death Trap

that I would retire.

And yesterday, the Oswaks
made me a very low offer,

which I immediately accepted.

Oh, man, that's amazing.
It is amazing.

And it's all thanks to you.

So the... so the business is...

It's just done?
Yeah!

Without the Chinese Death Trap,
what is there for me to do?

And all those long
lunch breaks made me think

I should really
get back to Nancy.

Well, yeah, I'm...
I'm very happy for you.

I mean, I'm sad that
I'm out of a job, obviously,

but I'm very happy for you.
Thank you.

Even though yesterday
was a total disaster,

you've been
an incredible assistant.

Oh, wait! Don't forget about
your first and last paycheck.

Paycheck?

It's not the number
we agreed upon

because I doubled it.
What?!

$379?!

Yeah!
Thank you, Nancy.

Oh, my God.

You don't know what this means.

I can get my car out of jail.

I... I can finally get
a BTS sticker on my bumper.

I'm gonna get
my eggs out of jail,

and Marcel's gonna
give me his sperm.

And he's gonna keep
doing my hair!

Awesome.

We both win!

I'm just gonna...
thank you for this.

Maybe you can be the nanny.

I'm good.

♪♪

Hey, Dad.

Hey.

Just, uh, checkin' on ya.

I don't get it.

'Cause I got a check.

I heard what happened to Nancy.

I can't believe she's
selling the business

after all these years.

It's a good thing, though.

I think it's a good thing for her.
Oh!

Karen Kapiki's looking
for a new office manager.

She's one of Nancy's top agents.

No!

Sorry, I didn't mean
to say it like that, um...

No, I... no... no.

You gotta bring home
some bacon, Princess.

Yes, I get that, Dad, but...

I don't wanna be like
Nancy at 40, you know?

She told you she was 40?

(scoffs)

Nancy's favorite part
of the job was leaving.

I want a job where
my favorite part is coming.

Like, I'm coming
at work... uh, to work.

And, you know, it has impact.

Every hour of every second
of my day has impact

on not only animals
and the environment.

But humans!
The humans of New York.

Humans of New York.
And I get rewarded for that

in money... but also
in the feeling of impact

and having an impact
and making an impact.

Bacon.

It's not about bacon, Dad.

It's about impact, all right?

Can you fry that?

Okay, this is level one.
It's very basic.

Just learning how
to build your garden and...

Wait, how do I change
the hat on my guy?

Dad, you're still on your avatar?
Just pick anything!

(Dad) Well, look,
he looks like shit.

Grandma, how did you
get the mace?

I killed a villager.

No!

You're not supposed
to kill the villagers!

They're peaceful people!

I love killing!

Maybe a scarf.

Kill it!
Kill it!

Weird game, huh?

Yeah.
Die, mother(bleep)!