Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 3, Episode 15 - Eggs & Extraterrestrials - full transcript

Guess who's going to
the Zalien convention!

Dez got us tickets.

He was in line for three days.

I didn't sleep, shower or brush
my teeth the whole time.

Can you believe it?

Yes.

Yes, I can.

The best part is I get to
take my four favorite people.

One for me, one for Austin,
one for Trish, and of course,

the brilliant and beautiful...

- Aw, Dez...
- Carrie.



Carrie?

But she can't go because she's teaching
a self-defense/ country dance class.

It's called "tae Kwon do-si-do."

Yee-haw...

Hyah!

Since Carrie can't go, I have to
move on to my fifth-favorite person.

Ally...

Would your dad like to go
to the convention with us?

My dad?!

No. He's out of town.

Aw, man.

Well, on to my sixth-favorite.

Ally...

Would you like to go to
the convention with us?



As sweet as that invitation was, I
don't wanna spend my Saturday doing

nerdy, boring stuff.

This coming from the girl that
goes to cloud-watching club.

Hey! We had a great
turnout last week.

Both of us showed up.

Thanks again, Austin.

No problem.

I like cloud-watching club...

Ever since I learned to
sleep with my eyes open.

- What?
- Nothing.

Ally, just come to the
convention with us.

- Please?
- It'll be cool.

Please don't make me
invite my aunt edna.

She's no fun since she
got out of prison.

Okay, fine. I'll go.

Just please don't make me wear
some weird Zalien costume.

I promise. We won't make
you dress up as a Zalien.

A Xanthian Princess
is so much better.

High five!

- Whoa-ho-ho!
- Whoa!

Hey, guys, just because
I have six arms,

doesn't mean I wanna
carry all your junk.

- Ooh, sorry.
- Sorry.

And tell me again why we
have to wear these outfits?

'Cause part of the fun of
coming to these conventions

is getting to play your
favorite character.

Yeah, like me. I'm Veloptu...

Princess Starna's bodyguard.

Veloptu can't be tamed.

He's like a wild stallion.

Literally. I'm half-horse.

You have to fully commit
to your character, Ally.

Let me see your best
Princess Starna.

Ahem.

Hello! I'm Princess Starna.

Ally, please don't ruin
this by being yourself.

Princess Starna is
fierce and angry.

It's not enough to have the six
arms and her fake bushy eyebrows.

My eyebrows aren't fake.

That's the angry look!

Yeah...

I'm not really feeling this
whole role-playing thing.

Oh my gosh!

You're like the perfect
Princess Starna.

Can we take your picture?
You are so beautiful!

Beautiful?

You know, maybe this role-playing
thing's not so bad after all.

- Snap away, nerds.
- Yes.

Oh, one for you, one
for you, one for you.

Can you believe all this
cool Zalien merchandise?

What are you eating?

Brain jerky. The Zaliens love
eating brains, because they're...

half-zombies, half-aliens.

No, because they're
half-zombie, half...

Oh. Yeah, you're right.

I like the Zalien eggs they're
selling at that booth.

They have goo
inside you can eat.

Ugh! Does that even taste good?

Nope!

Hey, check out these guys.

Their costumes are awesome.

Princess Starna!

We are humbled by your presence.

I am Zip.

And I am Zilch.

May the rings of Magalar bring you good
fortune and many tentacled children.

- Uh, thank you?
- Heh.

Watch your language.

There are young
galoopters present.

I can't believe a woman of your
upbringing would talk like that.

If you weren't the
Princess, I'd...

Hey! Show some respect.

You wanna get hoofed?

Sorry, the Princess is a little
rusty on her Zalien vocabulary.

I guess you could say she...

And she's a little tired.

It was a long flight
from Xanthia.

We understand.

We arrived yesterday on our mission
to retrieve the Zalien prince egg!

But of course you know
that, your highness.

Your un-hatched cousin is
next in line for the throne.

Oh! Yeah, I knew that.

Cousin Eggbert. Love that guy.

Our king sent the prince Egg to earth
to protect him from the bounty hunters.

Unfortunately, our
egg handler Zed

hid the egg and forgot where
he put the dang thing!

Zed's the slow one of the group.

Yeah, we have one of those too.

It's him.

Luckily, our G.P.S. Located
the egg, in this building.

We still haven't been
able to find it.

And even if we did, we wouldn't
be able to get back to Xytrax!

Yeah, our shuttle won't start.

There's just this blinking...

"Check engine"...

Light.

We've sent word to our repair crew
and are waiting for their arrival.

Wait!

Are you the mechanics?

You bet!

What are you doing?

Uh, it's called role-playing.

Watch and learn.

Where's the transportation
vessel located?

Oh, it's in the parking lot.

If their costumes are this good,
their ship must be awesome!

Let's go check it out.

I'll stay here and
protect you, Princess.

Look out!

It's the evil Zolofrox
dressed as a janitor.

And he has a laser stick.

I'm pretty sure that's just a
janitor dressed as a janitor.

Sorry.

- Whoa!
- This shuttle is amazing!

It's not the fastest
of the fleet,

but it does get like 30
light-years per gallon.

- Hmm.
- Tinted windows.

Sweet.

They're custom.

Lethusian chicks dig 'em.

Ooh...

Whoa!

This is just like the mission
control board in the Zalien movies.

Oh, yes, the movies.

They are very entertaining,
but not very accurate.

Everyone knows that Zaliens
don't have two hearts.

They have three!

Wow!

This ship is so detailed.

These guys really take their
role-playing seriously.

Maybe too seriously.

You don't think they're
real Zaliens, do you?!

Yes, they're real and I
have a huge crush on you.

Dez, they're not real.

You guys hungry?
We're about to eat.

Zilch, you don't mind, do you?

Help yourself.

Zalien brain suck!

Okay, they're real.

I was right. Aah!

Wait.

That means you have
a crush on me!

So, when did you realize
you had a crush on me?

I don't have a crush on you!

We gotta get outta here before they
find out we're not really Zaliens!

What's the worst
that could happen?

Um, they're zombie aliens, which
means they eat human brains.

We have brains!

Or at least I do.

Come on, let's go.

We only have one earth day to
find the prince Egg and get home.

You need to fix the ship now.

- Uh...
- Of... of course.

Just let me check the
crystal transponder.

You just blew up the
eighth moon of zarkania.

You should really
label these buttons.

You're an incompetent...

You're fired!

Eh, I'm used to it.

Wait! This should do the trick.

Shuttle will self-destruct

in 10...

- Nine...
- Seriously, why is nothing labeled?!

Are you trying to blow us up?!

Six...

Self-destruct cancelled.

You guys are Zalien
mechanics, aren't you?

Uh, yeah.

We graduated from...

Oh, really? Do you know Sheila?

Tall, green, eats
a lot of brains?

Love her.

Dez, we need to fix this
ship or we're Zalien food.

Wait a minute.

They had to fix the
shuttle in "Zalien 13."

Too bad I missed that scene
'cause I was in the bathroom.

Darn you, small bladder!

- Yay!
- Yay!

You fixed our ship.

- Who's the incompetent...
- Now?

As much fun as I had
being Princess Starna,

I can't wait for us to go
cloud watching tomorrow.

Uh, that cloud's beautiful.

I wasn't sleeping
with my eyes open.

I can't believe
what just happened!

You know those losers
in Zalien costumes?!

Mm, you're gonna have to
be a little more specific.

Zip and Zilch are real Zaliens!

They're here to find the lost prince
Egg and Trish has a huge crush on me!

That's not true.

I mean the part about the crush.

The Zaliens are real.

Don't be ridiculous.
Zaliens aren't real.

They're just characters
from a movie.

Hey.

You forgot to fill
out a work report.

Uh, yeah.

We weren't running
away from you in fear.

We were, uh, taking
our lunch break.

Oh...

A very tasty-looking
lunch indeed.

Human brains are the best.

I think I'll take the blond one.

I'll take the brown-haired one.

No! We weren't gonna
eat their brains.

I think they expired
a little while ago.

Don't wanna get you sick.

Nonsense! Humans are good way
beyond their expiration date.

It's fine, Trish.

Go ahead, eat our brains.

Ohh...

Zalien brain...

You don't wanna
eat their brains.

These two are famous humans.

They're greatly admired
here on earth.

Oh, are they world leaders?
Great scientists?

Doctors who cure diseases?

Nope, better. They
sing and dance.

I don't get it.

I'm still probably
gonna eat them.

You can't!

They're special.

They play music that
makes people happy.

Hmm, I don't know.

I'm still probably
gonna eat them.

Wait!

We'll prove it to you. They
can put on a performance.

Yeah! They can do a song for
you at the convention center.

And you'll see that
they're worth saving.

Fine. If they provide
adequate entertainment,

they don't have to be the meal.

We have to go back to the
convention center anyway

to look for the prince egg.

Okay, I'm all about
having Zalien fun,

but I think you guys are taking
this a little too seriously.

Yeah, we're not gonna perform
for a bunch of fanboys

just 'cause you can't
stop role-playing.

Zalien brain suck!

Zaliens are real!

That means they almost
really sucked my brain.

Yeah, and now you have to perform
for them to save your lives!

Austin, you have nothing
to worry about.

You're an awesome
singer, a great dancer

and you always put on
the most amazing shows.

Ally, we're gonna miss you.

- Are you nervous?
- Yeah.

We have to perform like
our lives depend on it,

because our lives depend on it.

Break a leg, guys.

Wait. Don't break a leg.

They eat the weak.

Look, you're either gonna
nail it, or you're gonna

get your brain sucked out
by some angry aliens.

The important thing
is that you have fun.

This song is dedicated to
our friends from Xytrax.

I hope you like it.

I really really
hope you like it.

That was more than
adequate, humans.

Yes, we have decided it would
be unwise to suck your brains.

- Yes!
- We're adequate!

I get to keep my brain!

So, I guess we'll
be seeing you guys.

Have a safe trip.

Oh, no, you'll be
coming with us.

What?!

We enjoyed your show so much we're
going to take you back to our planet

to give to the king instead
of the prince Egg.

You get to spend the rest of
your lives as musical slaves.

Ooh, yay!

Aah, that's horrible!

- Musical slaves?
- Another planet?

Yes! We're going
to another planet!

I call shotgun!

How do you know the king is gonna
even like their performance?

Some people don't
like the way I dance.

- Brilliant!
- Teach us your ways!

Well, let's just say the king
doesn't like my performance.

What happens then?

Don't worry. He'll still
suck your brains.

It's a win-win.

For you.

- Mmm.
- Ooh.

Well, um... take me instead!

I can be very entertaining.

I tell jokes.

So a Zalien walks into
a Lethusian diner.

The lethusian waitress says...

Trust me. That's hysterical
if you speak Lethusian.

You're very funny.

But you're not a human.

Yeah, I am.

Not.

Since we haven't found
the prince Egg,

we cannot go back to
the king empty-handed.

The souvenir snow globes
aren't cutting it anymore.

Mm...

I have an idea.

You heard the Zaliens.

They were sent here to
find the prince Egg.

If we find it, maybe we can
trade it for our freedom.

Good point.

The egg must still be at
the convention somewhere.

We just need to stall them so you and
Dez can find it before we blast off.

Oh! I know.

You guys wanna learn
my signature dance?

Ooh!

- Now twirl.
- Ooh...

You are the most talented creature
in this entire solar system!

You've got to be kidding me.

Trish, wait!

What?!

Free brain jerky samples?

- Focus!
- Aww.

Let's get the egg and
get out of here.

This shouldn't be too hard.

It has to be one of those.

Or one of those.

There are hundreds of eggs!

How are we supposed to know
which one's the prince egg?

Real Zalien eggs
are unbreakable.

Then I guess there's only
one thing we gotta do.

Excuse me.

Aw, cool!

Aw.

Oh!

We went through all the eggs!

There's one left!

That's gotta be it!

I worked for three
years and sold my bike

to buy this collector's edition
egg, but it was totally worth it!

We'll be taking that.

It didn't break!

- That's the prince egg!
- Yes!

Climb the rope, climb the rope.

Wash the windows,
wash the windows.

Dry your hands, dry your hands.

You think that's cool,
check these moves out.

Boom.

Eh...

- Ally, do your thing again.
- Ooh...

Wait!

They're not just gonna trade Austin
and Ally for the prince egg.

Zaliens are tough negotiators.

There's gonna be a lot of
offers and counteroffers.

This could take hours.

I'll trade you the prince
egg for my friends.

Deal.

Yeah!

You're a human!

Is that my scrunchie?

He's a human?!

Let's all eat his brains!

- Trish!
- Sorry.

Zalien brain suck!

Dez! Dez, wake up!

I just had the scariest dream.

What happened?

Trish had a crush on me.

You were screaming
something about Zaliens.

Oh, yeah.

There were Zaliens in it, too.

They took you guys as musical slaves,
and sucked out my brains, or something.

But Trish had a crush on me!

Oh, great.

Now I'm gonna have nightmares.

Oh, but in my dream, we met
real Zaliens at the convention.

Speaking of which, let's go.

Ooh. Uh...

We already went.

We tried to wake you up.

But you were so tired from
staying up for three days,

to get tickets that you slept
through the whole thing.

Aw, man. I missed
the convention?

Sorry, bud.

But I saved you
some brain jerky.

Ugh! Once you've had
real brain jerky

you can never go back
to the fake stuff.

Ugh...

So I said, "that's not a..."

"That's my girlfriend."

So, what do you get when you
cross a Lethusian with a...?

I don't know, but you better...

Your...

Why is this funny again?

Ally, don't be such a...

Good one!

So where are you two from?

Oh, Zarkania? I'll
speak slower then.