Austin & Ally (2011–2016): Season 3, Episode 10 - Critics & Confidence - full transcript

Here's Kenneth Kreen's
review of Austin's concert.

"Austin Moon's performance
was tired and uninspired.

It lacked the spectacle
of a superstar performer.

Frankly, I've had more fun
plucking my nose hairs."

If Austin sees this review,
it'll tear him apart.

We better hide these magazines.

He'll be here any minute.

- Okay.
- How many did you buy?

All of them.

Let's go. Oh, wait! Oh!

- That's no good.
- Sorry.



- Pick them up!
- Hide, hide.

We got this. Hide them
over in the piano.

Oh, uh... We got this.
We got this.

He's gonna be here any minute!

Okay, um...

Here he comes! Act natural.

- Yo.
- 'Sup, buddy?

Hey, good-looking.

Hey, guys.

Bam!

Oh, the new issue
of "Miami Weekly."

I have been looking
all over for one.

No!

No... one does the
word jumble before me.



Hey, it's the review of my show.

"Tired. Uninspired"?

This is terrible.

You guys could have at least
tried to hide it from me.

We did.

Dez has magazines in his pants.

It's true.

See?

Oh, that's my lunch.

♪ When the crowd wants more ♪

♪ I bring on the thunder

♪ 'cause you've got my back

♪ and I'm not going under

♪ you're my point,
you're my guard ♪

♪ you're the perfect chord ♪

♪ and I see our names
together on every billboard ♪

♪ we're headed for the top,
we've got it on lock ♪

♪ we'll make 'em say "hey!" ♪

♪ and we'll keep rockin'

♪ oh, there's no way I
could make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya ♪

♪ it's no fun when
you're doing it solo ♪

♪ with you it's like,
"whoa," yeah, and I know ♪

♪ I own this dream

♪ 'cause I got you with me

♪ there's no way I could
make it without ya ♪

♪ do it without ya,
be here without ya. ♪

Who is this Kenneth Kreen?

This review is awful.

Maybe I was a little tired, but I've
been performing almost every night.

He's wrong. You were amazing.

I've never had anyone
hate my show before.

You know what?

I'm gonna change his mind.

What are you gonna do?

He thinks I'm all
tired and uninspired.

I'm gonna show him the
coolest performance ever.

You want us to help you plan it?

Thanks, but I think I got Austin
covered when it comes to cool.

Check out my new exit.

One, two, three, four.

You're in trouble.

Austin and I were up
all night last night

thinking of awesome
performance ideas.

Then it hit us. Nothing's more
awesome than our favorite comic book

"the galactic adventures

of the electric avengerrrr!"

That's how you say it.

Okay, well get to the point

fasterrrr.

We came up with an amazing
space themed performance.

It's gonna blow
nneth keeen's mind.

There's gonna be brain
matter everywhere.

Literally.

You don't know what
"literally" means, do you?

Nope.

Imagine this is the stage.

And I'm the electric avengerrr!

Yeah, that won't get old.

Kenneth Kreen's gonna be sitting
here as represented by this egg.

The music starts.

Out of nowhere, cyborgs attack.

I fight them off.

Then, I'll dodge asteroids.

And...

After he defeats the
evil velotian queen...

He'll fly through the air and
be the hero of planet zytrax.

Electric avengerrr!

How are you gonna sing
while battling cyborgs,

dodging asteroids,
flying through the air,

and fighting off
galactic queens?

Whoo! I'm out of
breath just saying it.

I already thought of that.

I'll just prerecord the track
and pretend to sing along.

Makes sense.

It's not about the song.

The point is to give Kenneth
Kreen an amazing show.

Yeah, there's no way Kenneth Kreen's
gonna give Austin a bad review

ter this,

because he's gonna crush it.

Huh.

I thought Kenneth Kreen
was hard boiled.

Mr. Kreen,

you're gonna love
Austin's new show.

Thank you so much for coming.

Yes, well, it was either
watch this train wreck

or hit myself over the
head with a frying pan.

Unfortunately, I couldn't
find a frying pan.

At least you're
keeping an open mind.

Many weeks ago

in a universe kind
of far, far away,

planet zytrax was
in grave peril!

Only one man could save it.

That man was none other than...

Austin Moon!

♪ Mmm

♪ if I could stop the world

♪ tonight

♪ I would

♪ freeze this moment in time ♪

♪ Oh, if I only could

get ready. This next part's
gonna knock you off your feet.

♪ Dance like the wind
over and over again ♪

I told you he would knock
you off your feet.

Uh-oh.

Kenneth Kreen just posted his
review of last night's performance.

It's not good.

Hey, Austin.

Was that Kenneth Kreen's review?

Yeah. It's not as
bad as we thought.

You're kidding. Let me see.

No, I'll read it to you.

"Austin Moon is and always will be
the most awesome performer ever."

That's it. You heard him.

Oh.

"Austin Moon lip-synched through
a catastrophic performance.

He's just another pretty
boy fraud who can't sing"?

At least he called you pretty.

I only lip-synched 'cause I
was trying to impress him.

This stinks.

No one's ever questioned
my musical ability before.

You know you're the real deal,
and that's all that matters.

Maybe I am freaking
out over nothing.

So I got two bad reviews.

It's not gonna change my life.

That's never happened before.

Maybe it is changing my life.

I think I'm losing my swag.

No, you're not.

And I'll prove it to you.

Here. Sing a song
to those girls.

Great idea. Yeah.

Hey, girls.

♪ Been counting every
second of the day... ♪

I don't feel like
playing music anymore.

I'm gonna go play volleyball.

Yeah.

I've never seen Austin
like this before.

A couple bad reviews, and it's like
he's completely falling apart.

It's a textbook case, actually.

When one loses confidence
in the thing he's best at,

he gets washed away in a
tidal wave of self doubt,

causing him to question
everything else in his life.

So you're saying because
he's doubting his music,

he's losing his confidence
with everything?

No, Ally. I said...
"It's a textbook case.

When one loses confidence
in the thing he's..."

we get it.

We have to help Austin
get his confidence back.

And we'd better do it fast.

I think I lost.

Yeah, tech support?

I went swimming with it.

Not supposed to?

Well, what if I'm drowning
and need to call for help?

I demand a new phone!

Yeah, I'll hold,

but I am not happy!

Hello, dear friend.

Uh... hello?

I know you've lost
your confidence,

your swagger,

your swag, if you will.

So please, join
me as I guide you

on a relaxing journey to
find your inner peace.

I just came to get an inner piece
of cheese for my salami sandwich.

Eating's the only thing
that brings me joy.

Forget the sandwich.

Sit down and calm your mind.

Now let's start with some
positive affirmations.

Close your eyes and
repeat after me.

You are strong. You
are confident.

I am strong. I am confident.

You are talented. You
are not a fraud.

I am talented. I'm not a fraud.

Hold on a sec.

Hold on a sec.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

You can't do anything?!

I can't do anything?

You are useless, worthless,
and horrible at what you do.

I'm useless, worthless, and
horrible at what I do.

Now get me a new phone right now
or you'll see what happens.

- Where are you going?
- To get you a new phone.

I don't want to
see what happens.

Hey, Tiffany.

I need you to do
me a huge favor.

Oh, sure. Who are you?

I've sat next to you in home
room for the last three years.

Oh, right. Zed.

Close enough.

Listen, my friend, Austin Moon, is
having some trouble with girls.

So no matter what he says,
just tell him how great he is.

Austin Moon's having
trouble with girls?

But he's so cool.

He used to be.

Now I'm the cool one.

Can you believe it?

No.

Oh, here he comes.

Hey, Austin.

See that cheerleader over there?

She's eyeballing you big time.

You should go talk to her.

Nah. I'm not really feeling it.

Great! Go get 'em, tiger.

'Sup?

Ow! Ow, my hair!

Sorry sorry sorry.

Zed was right. You are
so not cool anymore.

I...

'Sup.

Get me out of here.

I'm on it.

Wait, wait.

I could have just given you
my locker combination.

Uh, have you seen your hair?

Trust me. I'm doing you a favor.

Austin, are you really reading
Kenneth Kreen's review again?

Yeah.

The only good word in
here is "incredible."

He said it's "incredible" people
pay money to see my shows.

I never thought I'd say this, but
Austin, you're reading too much.

Look, Trish booked you
a do-over concert.

Once you get up there and rock,
you'll get your confidence back.

I don't think that's gonna work.

I've lost my swag, Ally.

You just need somebody
to help you get it back.

And I have just the person.

Pack your swag bags,

'cause swag master Ally's taking you
to swag town in her station swagon.

Honk honk! Mm, mm, mm.

Thanks, Ally.

You just ruined the
word "swag" forever.

Look, I know what
you're going through.

I used to be a scared little girl
who couldn't perform just like you.

Did you just call
me a little girl?

I mean, I've been where you are.

I know what it's like to go on stage
and feel an overwhelming fear

that you're going to fail.

It's like the whole
world is judging you.

Students, teachers,
doctors, judges.

Your hand and feet
start to tingle.

You break into a sweat.

You start to have
a panic attack.

It's like the walls
are closing in on me.

The walls are closing in on me!

I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.

But I got over it.

And you will too.

You are gonna be great tonight.

Gotta go.

I'm really nervous.

When you had stage fright,
how'd you calm yourself down?

I chewed my hair.

Don't even think about it.

You can do this, Austin.

You're right.

I can do this.

In, auststin, Austin!

Whoo!

You're a fraud.

You are so not cool.

You are horrible at what you do.

The electric avengerrr!

Everyone's judging you.

Students, teachers,
doctors, judges.

Poor Austin.

It's gotten worse.

Now he has full-blown
stage fright.

I hope not.

That would mean the end
of his singing career.

But it could be the beginning
of his track and field career.

Man, that boy can run.

Hey.

I don't know what's
happened to me.

I got on stage and I
just couldn't do it.

I started seeing
faces, hearing voices.

There was even an old-timey
English judge in the audience.

I used to see the
entire supreme court.

I'll never forget the disappointment
on Ruth Bader Ginsburg's face.

I don't think I can
perform anymore.

I mean, I flew off that stage
faster than the electric avengerrr.

Austin, it's gonna get betterrr.

I know you're gonna
get over this.

I did.

And you know how?

'Cause I had you by my side.

I know.

I used to feel like I could do
anything with you by my side.

And you still can.

Listen, this all started with that
bad review from Kenneth Kreen.

If you win him over, I'm sure
you'll get your confidence back.

Even if I wanted to perform for him
again, he's not gonna want to see me.

He won't have a choice.

Trish just texted me that he's having
dinner at the beach club right now.

Wow. That's a coincidence.

Not really.

Trish gave him a free meal
coupon to get him there.

It's fake... And his
meal will not be free.

Dez, stall him while
I get more food.

Way ahead of you.

- Any requests, sir?
- Oh, yes.

Something from Vivaldi's "four
seasons" would be nice.

Oh, my pleasure.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa.
You can't leave yet.

You still have food coming.

Oh no. I've had enough
of this so-called food,

starting with that pathetic
excuse for a salad.

I'm sure there's more flavor
in a handful of sand.

No, I'm gonna have to
go with the salad.

As if the food wasn't bad enough,
the service, it was appalling.

I've had wild monkeys spill
less soup in my lap.

Seriously.

I dined at a restaurant in Brazil where
the waiters were howling monkeys.

Wait wait wait. Don't go.

Tell me another monkey story.

Well...

okay, Kenneth Kreen.

I'm gonna show you that I
don't need to lip-synch.

I'm not just a pretty
boy who can't sing.

I'm a pretty boy who can sing.

Bravo.

Your arrogance is matched
only by your incompetence.

It's not an insult if I
don't know what it means.

Go show him what you
can do, Austin.

You've got this.

Yeah.

♪ Whoa

♪ ooh

♪ yeah

♪ okay, maybe I'm shy

♪ but usually I speak my mind ♪

♪ But by your side

♪ I'm tongue tied

♪ sweaty palms, I turn red ♪

♪ You think I have
no confidence ♪

♪ But I do

♪ just not with you

♪ now I'm singing
all the words ♪

♪ I'm scared to say

♪ yeah

♪ so forgive me

♪ if I'm doing this all wrong ♪

♪ I'm trying my
best in this song ♪

♪ To tell you

♪ what can I do?
I'm stuck on you ♪

♪ I'm hoping you
feel what I do ♪

♪ 'cause I told mom about you ♪

♪ I told her what can I do? ♪

♪ I'm stuck on you

♪ and like the night

♪ sticks to the Moon

♪ girl

♪ I'm stuck on you

♪ ooh

♪ ooh

♪ yeah

♪ I'm stuck on you.

So, Kenneth, what did you think?

Bravo.

A speccular. Ta

waste of my time.

Just like these crab cakes.

Underwhelming and predictable.

How could you not like that?

Yeah. These crab cakes
are incredible.

Don't worry about it, Austin.

It's not you.

This guy doesn't like anything.

The food, the music,
my impeccable service.

Okay, forget that last part.

You know what?

This whole time I've been
trying to please you.

But why should I
care what you think?

Why should I care
what anyone thinks?

I know I rock.

- Yeah.
- He's back.

The electric avengerrr!

This evening was a
complete travesty.

But at least my meal was free.

Actually, your coupon was fake.

You have to pay for your meal.

You call this a bill?

I've seen better
paper in outhouses.

Thanks, guys.

I'll never be nervous
to perform again.

Uh-oh.

Maybe I'm not better.

I see an old-timey judge.

Relax, Austin. We see him too.

Sir?

The costume party's
in the back room.

Huh. Now that I have
my confidence back,

I guess I won't be
seeing you guys anymore.

Adios.

Whoo!

Good for you, Austin.

So what are we
supposed to do now?

I don't know.