Archie's Weird Mysteries (1999–2000): Season 1, Episode 5 - Attack of the 50-Foot Veronica - full transcript
Announcer: ATTACK
OF THE 50-FOOT VERONICA.
SHE'S BIG, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
AND SHE'S DEADLY.
THIS BABE IS TALLER
THAN KING KONG IN HEELS.
IS ARCHIE MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE
THE BRAZEN BRUNETTE
WITH THE SIZE 60 SHOES?
ATTACK OF
THE 50-FOOT VERONICA.
♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE
♪ VERONICA, BETTY
♪ JUGHEAD, TOO
♪ WEIRD
♪ ARCHIE'S
WEIRD MYSTERIES ♪
DILTON, IT DOESN'T
MAKE SENSE.
GIANT BROCCOLI?
WELL, NOT JUST BROCCOLI.
ALSO LETTUCE,
APPLES, RUTABAGAS,
KUMQUATS, GREEN BEANS.
YES, YES, FRUITS
AND VEGETABLES. I GET IT.
BUT WHY MAKE THEM BIG?
THINK HOW MANY
GALLONS OF JUICE
YOU COULD GET IF THIS ORANGE
WAS 10 TIMES BIGGER.
THINK HOW MUCH EASIER
IT WOULD BE
TO PICK ONE
LARGE ORANGE INSTEAD
OF 100 LITTLE ORANGES.
OH, LIKE H.G. WELLS'
FOOD OF THE GODS.
WE COULD FEED THE WORLD.
DILTON, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
HOW TRUE. AND IT'S
ALL POSSIBLE
THANKS TO
MY NEW GROWTH RAY.
YOU MEAN
IT ACTUALLY WORKS?
WE'LL KNOW IN ABOUT
ONE MINUTE.
THEN GIVE IT THE GUN,
ALGERNON.
BIGGER IS BETTER.
SO, UH, WHEN DO THEY
START GROWING?
DANG FRIZZLE-FRAZZLE
PHOOEY TO THE Nth DEGREE.
I FAILED.
IT WAS A NICE TRY
ANYHOW, DILTON.
COME ON, I'LL BUY YOU
A BURGER.
ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS,
THE GROWTH RATE SHOULD HAVE
BEEN PHENOMENAL.
[SNORES]
MY APPETIZER.
THANKS, POP.
COME BACK IN 5 MINUTES,
AND I'LL ORDER MY MAIN COURSE.
HUH?
HE'S AN ABSOLUTE SLOB.
NAW, HE'S JUST JUGHEAD.
SO HAVE YOU FINISHED
YOUR GUEST LIST
FOR YOUR BIG POOL PARTY?
YES, INDEEDY.
SO WHO'D YOU INVITE?
WELL, NOT JUGHEAD,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
HE'S PART OF OUR GROUP.
I'M NOT SURE
HE'S PART OF OUR SPECIES.
LOOK AT HIM--
HE'S A TOTAL OUTSIDER.
VERONICA...
LOOK, HE HANGS OUT BY HIMSELF.
WELL, YEAH.
HE CAN'T GET A DATE.
WELL, YEAH.
HE EATS TOO MUCH.
WELL, YEAH.
HE DRESSES FUNNY.
[SNORING]
WELL, YEAH.
SO, HE'S DIFFERENT.
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH DIFFERENT?
IT BOTHERS PEOPLE.
AND I DON'T WANT HIM
SCARING OFF MY GUESTS.
THAT'S A CRUMMY
ATTITUDE, VERONICA.
HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE IT
IF PEOPLE THOUGHT
YOU WERE DIFFERENT?
BUT I'M NOT. THAT'S WHY
EVERYONE ADORES ME.
[WATCH ALARM BEEPS]
"3:26." TIME FOR A SNACK.
MM-MMM.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
JUGHEAD, HI.
COME ON IN.
I WAS JUST MAKING A CAKE FOR
VERONICA'S POOL PARTY TOMORROW.
OHH--OH, DEAR, I FORGOT.
YOU'RE NOT INVITED, ARE YOU?
I'M SORRY.
NO BIGGIE.
NEED A HAND?
SURE. IT'S A CHOCOLATE CAKE,
AND IT'S JUST RISING.
DON'T OPEN IT!
[GASP]
THIS IS A VERY
DELICATE TIME.
COLD AIR
MAKES A CAKE FALL.
SO LOOK THROUGH
THE WINDOW INSTEAD.
WOW, JUGHEAD. HOW DO YOU
KNOW THIS STUFF?
MMM, WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD,
I'M AN EXPERT.
OOPS, I LEFT THE ICING
OUT IN THE CAR.
BE RIGHT BACK.
[GASPS]
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
HUH?
[GASP] BEAT IT,
YOU CAKE WRECKER.
WH-WHOA! AAAHHH!
UNH.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
AAH!
ARCHIE, IT'S BETTY.
GET OVER HERE NOW!
BUT I'M KIND OF BUSY
BLOWING UP BALLOONS...
FOR VERONICA'S PARTY.
THERE'S A BEETLE OVER HERE,
AND HE'S REALLY BIG!
PAUL McCARTNEY?
NOT A BEATLE BEETLE.
A 10-FOOT BUG BEETLE.
REALLY?
I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.
THERE'S A GIANT BUG
AT BETTY'S HOUSE.
I SMELL A WEIRD MYSTERY.
AND I SMELL A RAT.
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
I DON'T TRUST
THAT BOY-CRAZY BLONDE.
AND THE BUG CLICKED AT ME,
AND I SCREAMED,
AND JUGHEAD RAN AFTER IT,
AND I CALLED YOU.
ONLY A FOOL WOULD
BELIEVE THAT STORY.
I BELIEVE IT.
PROOF POSITIVE.
ADMIT IT, COOPER.
THIS WAS ALL A TRICK
TO GET ARCHIE OVER HERE.
IT'S NO TRICK.
THERE IS A GIANT BUG,
AND HE'S ON THE LOOSE.
JUGHEAD,
YOU WERE SO BRAVE.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NO, I'M NOT ALL RIGHT.
THE CAKE IS RUINED.
WEIRDO.
I'M TELLING YOU, DILTON,
IF JUGHEAD IS TELLING THE TRUTH,
THIS BUG IS HUGE.
BUT THE LONGEST BEETLE
ON RECORD
IS THE DYNASTES HERCULES,
AND IT WAS ONLY 7.48 INCHES.
ARCHIE, BALLOONS.
YES, YES, JUST
ONE MORE MINUTE.
WELL, I'M NOT SURE...
[WHISPERING]
[GASPS]
SO I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOUR GROWTH RAY
WAS SOMEHOW CONNECTED
WITH THAT BUG.
I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT, ARCHIE.
YOU SAW FOR YOURSELF.
IT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT
ON THOSE VEGETABLES.
YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
WELL, IT WAS WORTH A TRY.
COME ON,
ARCHIE-KINS.
OK, VERONICA. WELL,
THANKS, ANYWAY, DILTON.
NO PROBLEM,
ARCHIE.
ALL RIGHT, VERONICA, LET'S--
HAVE YOU GOT ON HIGH HEELS?
YOU MEN, ALWAYS FEELING
SO INFERIOR.
WELL, BYE, DILTON.
HELLO, FRESCO FASHIONS?
YES, THIS IS VERONICA LODGE.
YOU KNOW, THE DAUGHTER
OF YOUR BIGGEST CLIENT--
HIRAM LODGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
[GARBLED VOICE
ON THE TELEPHONE]
WELL, THIS VOLAREÉ ORIGINAL
YOU SENT OVER FOR MY DATE
TONIGHT HAS SHRUNK.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT
BE PUTTING ON WEIGHT?!
WHAT CLEANER DID SMITHERS
SEND MY CLOTHES TO?
THEY'VE ALL SHRUNK.
[HORN HONKS]
[GASPS]
AHH, IT'S ARCHIE!
WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?
[REVS ENGINE,
HONKS HORN]
I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME
TO DRESS UP.
WHAT'S WITH YOUR DAD'S
JOGGING SUIT?
I...WANTED TO BE COMFORTABLE.
OW! WHEN DID YOU LOWER
THE ROOF OF YOUR CAR?
WHAT?
JUST DRIVE.
HUH?
[ROARS]
HEY, I CAN'T SEE!
SIT DOWN!
I AM SITTING, YOU LITTLE--
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
NOTHING.
WHAT A DUMB MOVIE.
GIANT MONSTERS? HAH!
UNH, UNH, UNH.
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. WHY?
UH, YOU JUST SEEM--
WELL, UH, LESS PETITE
THAN BEFORE.
NO. IT'S THE SAME OLD ME. SEE?
OOPS.
HUH?
BETTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SCARING OFF BUGS.
I TOLD YOU, ANIMAL CONTROL
CAPTURED THAT GIANT BEETLE
YESTERDAY.
YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT
TAKING ANY CHANCES.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
MY WEIRD MYSTERIES ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE GHOSTS AND MONSTERS,
NOT ABOUT GIANT GIRLFRIENDS.
BETTY, THAT'S IT.
GIANT GIRLS, GIANT BUGS!
I'VE GOT TO FIND DILTON.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT GIANT GIRLS,
BUT VERONICA
BUGS ME BIG TIME.
SO DO YOU THINK
THERE'S A CONNECTION
BETWEEN THE GIANT BUG
AND VERONICA GETTING TALLER?
WELL, AFTER DOING SOME TESTS,
I'VE DISCOVERED
THIS MACHINE DOESN'T WORK
ON NON-ANIMAL OBJECTS.
YOU KNOW, PENCILS,
CEILING TILES, VEGETABLES.
HOWEVER, IT DOES SEEM
TO WORK ON CREATURES.
AND IF THERE WAS A BEETLE
HIDING IN THERE,
THE RAY WOULD'VE
MADE HIM BIGGER.
SO THAT MEANS
IT COULD'VE WORKED ON
VERONICA, TOO, RIGHT?
BUT WAIT. YOU DIDN'T
USE THE RAY ON HER.
CORRECT. THOUGH AFTER
YOU TWO LEFT HERE YESTERDAY,
I DID FIND THE MACHINE
HAD BEEN LEFT ON.
LEFT ON? VERONICA
MUST'VE DONE THAT.
QUICK, HER POOL PARTY
STARTS IN AN HOUR.
COME ON!
WHOA!
LOOK AT THIS FOOD,
DILTON!
JUGHEAD WOULD GO WILD
OVER IT.
WHY ISN'T HE HERE, THEN?
VERONICA
DIDN'T INVITE HIM.
SAID HE WAS
TOO DIFFERENT.
[THUNDEROUS STOMPS]
HI, EVERYONE!
[ALL GASP]
ENJOYING YOURSELVES?
FORGIVE THE STRANGE
FASHION STATEMENT,
BUT MY SWIMSUITS
SEEM TO HAVE SHRUNK,
SO I SEWED THEM
ALL TOGETHER.
ARCHIE WAS RIGHT.
SHE'S GIGANTIC!
VERONICA, ARE YOU...
ALL RIGHT?
OF COURSE.
NOW, WHO'S UP
FOR A SWIM?
[GASPS]
WHAA!
[YELLING]
THEY NEED TO PUT MORE WATER
IN THESE POOLS.
[CONCERNED CHATTER]
OH, NO. NOT AGAIN!
SHE'S EXPERIENCING
ANOTHER EXPLOSION OF GROWTH!
OH, NO!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
STOP STARING!
I'M THE SAME AS ALWAYS!
B-B-BUT YOU'RE NOT,
VERONICA.
CAN'T YOU SEE
YOU'VE CHANGED?
YOU'RE DIFFERENT
NOW.
I'M NOT DIFFERENT.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT!
YOU ALL ARE!
YOU'RE PUNY AND WEAK,
AND I DON'T DATE WEAKLINGS!
WHOA!
UNH.
OH, MY PARTY'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YA, HUH?
WELL, NO ONE SNUBS
VERONICA LODGE!
LEAVE MY PARTY, WILL THEY?
THINK THEY CAN PUT ME
AT THE BOTTOM
OF THE SOCIAL
FOOD CHAIN, HUH?
WELL, I'LL SHOW THEM!
[GASPS]
DILTON, SHE'S HUGE!
AND MAD, TOO!
A DANGEROUS COMBINATION.
WHEN WILL SHE RETURN
TO NORMAL?
FOR ALL I KNOW,
VERONICA WILL KEEP
GETTING BIGGER
AND BIGGER.
I DON'T BUY THAT, DILTON.
LET'S GO BACK TO THE LAB
AND FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER.
[TIRES SCREECH]
AHA! FRESCO'S FASHIONS!
HERE'S MY CHANCE
TO GET EVEN WITH THOSE HACKS!
IF I CAN'T WEAR
A SIZE 7 ANYMORE,
THEN NOBODY WILL!
BESIDES, WHO CARES
ABOUT THESE STUPID
FASHIONS, ANYWAY?
I DO.
[SOBBING]
LOOK AT THAT
LOVELY FABRIC.
AND THAT LITTLE BELT.
[SOBBING]
HUH?
HEY, EASY ON THE TEARS.
I MAY NOT BE GENE KELLY,
BUT I COULD TRY
DANCING IN THIS DOWNPOUR
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
JUGHEAD?
HELLO, GIRLZILLA.
HOW ARE THINGS IN TOKYO?
EVERYTHING'S TERRIBLE.
I SCARED MY FRIENDS,
I DESTROYED PUBLIC PROPERTY,
THE PENTAGON
WILL PROBABLY ARREST ME.
AAH!AND WORST OF ALL,
NONE OF MY NICE CLOTHES FIT.
AAH!
I FEEL LIKE THAT MONSTER
IN THAT DUMB MOVIE.
NOBODY WILL
COME NEAR ME.
[SOBBING]
I'M NEAR YOU.
HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WELL, I WAS OUT
FOR MY EVENING THINK,
AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET
SOME GIANT SPOIL MY ROUTINE.
EVENING THINK?
SURE. I WALK AROUND TOWN
BY MYSELF
AND CONTEMPLATE
ALL SORTS OF THINGS,
LIKE WHY PAPERS BURN UP
BUT HOUSES BURN DOWN
OR WHY IF "HE" IS A "HIM,"
WHY ISN'T "SHE" A "SHIM"?
[GASPS]
YOU DO THIS
EVERY NIGHT?
PRETTY MUCH.
SO WHAT WERE YOU
THINKING ABOUT TONIGHT?
I WAS THINKING
HOW YOU BEING AN ODDBALL
MAKES ME LOOK NORMAL,
AND I'M NOT SURE
THAT'S SO GOOD
FOR ME.
ME? AN ODDBALL?
SURE. LOOK,
GETTING A DATE
WOULD BE PRETTY TOUGH
FOR YOU NOW, HUH?
WELL, YEAH.
I HAVE TO ADMIT YOU CAN EAT
WAY MORE BURGERS THAN ME.
WELL, YEAH.
YOU DRESS FUNNIER.
WELL, YEAH.
AND HERE YOU ARE HANGIN' OUT
ALL BY YOURSELF, RIGHT?
WELL, YEAH.
SO YOU'VE BECOME THE ODDBALL
INSTEAD OF ME.
OH, NO. I'M DIFFERENT!
RELAX. IT'S NOT SO BAD
BEING DIFFERENT.
LOOK AT ME. SURE,
IT'S LONELY SOMETIMES,
BUT IT ALSO LETS ME
BE MYSELF.
BUT I'M NOT MYSELF.
I'M A FREAK!
NO, YOU'RE VERONICA LODGE...
IN A SIZE 107 DRESS.
NOW CHILL OUT.
TOGETHER, US ODDBALLS
WILL FIGURE OUT A SOLUTION.
WHEW!
COME ON, DILTON, THINK!
YOU'VE GOT TO
SAVE VERONICA.
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
THE RAY WASN'T
DESIGNED TO--
WHOA!
WHOA!
VERONICA'S HEADED THIS WAY.
HELP! SHE'S MAD AT ME
FOR INVENTING THAT RAY.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
I'M KING OF THE WORLD!
EVENING, GENTS.
NICE NIGHT
FOR A STROLL, EH?
WOW! HOW'D YOU FIND US?
VERONICA REALIZED
THAT RAY IS PROBABLY
WHAT MADE HER ENORMOUS.
BIG-BONED.
SORRY. BIG-BONED.
SO WE THOUGHT THIS WAS
A GOOD PLACE TO START.
[SIREN]
THE POLICE!
OH, NO!
DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE AFTER ME?
NO. I'M SURE THEY'RE AFTER
SOME OTHER 50-FOOT GIANT
WHO TORE THE ROOF
OFF A CLOTHING STORE.
GIVE ME A BOOST.
UH-OH!
LOOKS LIKE
THE NATIONAL GUARD
HAVE JOINED THE HUNT.
Veronica:
HAVE THEY GOT GUNS?
NOPE, NO GUNS.
CANNONS!
OOH! DO SOMETHING!
YOU HEARD THE LADY.
GET THAT MACHINE WORKING.
WE'VE ONLY GOT
A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
BUT THIS RAY CAN
ONLY ENLARGE THINGS.
THERE'S NO WAY TO
REVERSE THE POLARITY.
I'M AFRAID THIS MACHINE
WILL NEVER MAKE
VERONICA SMALLER.
[SIGHS] OHH!
THEN WE NEED
A BETTER ANSWER, DILTON.
HUH?
[CRASH]
BUT I'VE CHECKED
EVERY BOOK I KNOW.
I CAN'T THINK
OF ANOTHER WAY.
CHILL, DIL!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"CHILL"?
Y'KNOW, CHILL OUT.
LIKE A BLAST OF COLD AIR
ON A CAKE IN AN OVEN.
JUGHEAD, THAT'S IT!
COLD AIR CAUSES
THE BUBBLES IN CAKE BATTER
TO POP AND DEFLATE.
IF I CAN ZERO IN
ON THE AMINO ACIDS
IN VERONICA'S GROWTH CELLS,
I CAN WEAKEN
THEIR MOLECULAR BONDS,
THEREBY DECREASING THE SPACE
BETWEEN THE MOLECULES.
IN ENGLISH, DILTON.
WE'LL DEFLATE VERONICA
LIKE A CAKE.
HAND ME THAT COIL.
YOU OK, VERONICA?
YEAH. SORRY I THREW YOU
ACROSS THE YARD, ARCHIE.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
HEY, YOU WERE UPSET.
I'D PROBABLY FEEL THE SAME WAY
IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES.
I'M NOT EVEN IN MY SHOES.
JUGHEAD,
YOUR IDEA WAS GENIUS.
HOW DID YOU
COME UP WITH IT?
HE'S DIFFERENT
THAN EVERYONE ELSE,
SO HE THINKS
DIFFERENTLY.
RIGHT, JUGHEAD?
EH, IT'S
NO BIG DEAL.
YES, IT ISA BIG DEAL.
TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS BIG.
HEY!
LET ME THANK YOU.
MWAAH!
THIS IS WHY
I HATE KISSING.
[SIREN WAILING]
[BOTH GASP]
HURRY!
THEY'RE ALMOST HERE!
PREPARE TO DE-ENLARGE.
SHOOT!
OHH!
AAAH!
OH, NO!
THIS MEANS EVERY HALLOWEEN,
THE SAME COSTUME:
STATUE OF LIBERTY.
HAVE FAITH,
VERONICA!
DILTON'S INVENTIONS
ALWAYS WORK...
USUALLY.
IT'S NO USE!
I'LL BE FOREVER STUCK
AS A GIANT!
IT WORKED!
All: HUH?
I'M A SIZE 7 AGAIN.
[SIREN]
[GASPS]
HEY, DID YOU KIDS
SEE A GIANT GO BY HERE?
Both: HUH?
I THINK SHE WENT
THAT WAY.
[GASPS]
THANKS.
[SIREN WAILING]
WHEW!
JUGHEAD, THANK YOU.
WILL YOU COME TO MY POOL PARTY
NEXT WEEK?
ONLY ON ONE CONDITION--
THAT YOU DON'T EAT
ALL THE BURGERS.
DEAL!
Archie: AND SO ALL'S WELL
THAT ENDS WELL.
DILTON RETURNED THE GIANT BEETLE
TO NORMAL SIZE,
VERONICA RETURNED
TO HER CLOSET FULL OF CLOTHES,
AND JUGHEAD RETURNED
TO HIS TRUE LOVE.
ARCH, DO YOU THINK
DILTON'S RAY
COULD MAKE
A 50-FOOT HAMBURGER?
HA HA HA.
WITHOUT JUGHEAD'S
ODDBALL THINKING,
VERONICA WOULD STILL BE
A GIANT TODAY.
I WONDER
IF SHE'LL THINK TWICE
BEFORE SHE POKES FUN
AT SOMEONE WHO'S DIFFERENT.
HMM.
PROBABLY NOT.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY NEW FASHION STATEMENT,
GUYS?
Both: WELL,
IT'S DIFFERENT.
Archie: SO, BIG PROBLEMS
OR LITTLE,
LIFE GOES ON IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.
OF THE 50-FOOT VERONICA.
SHE'S BIG, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL,
AND SHE'S DEADLY.
THIS BABE IS TALLER
THAN KING KONG IN HEELS.
IS ARCHIE MAN ENOUGH TO HANDLE
THE BRAZEN BRUNETTE
WITH THE SIZE 60 SHOES?
ATTACK OF
THE 50-FOOT VERONICA.
♪ WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHO IS GONNA
CRACK THE CASE? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THAT REDHEAD
WITH THE FRECKLED FACE ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ THINGS ARE GETTIN' WEIRD
IN RIVERDALE ♪
♪ HEY, WHAT'S THAT SOUND?
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ WHAT IS GOING ON
IN THIS TOWN? ♪
♪ ARCHIE'S
♪ WEIRD
♪ MYSTERIES
♪ ARCHIE, REGGIE
♪ VERONICA, BETTY
♪ JUGHEAD, TOO
♪ WEIRD
♪ ARCHIE'S
WEIRD MYSTERIES ♪
DILTON, IT DOESN'T
MAKE SENSE.
GIANT BROCCOLI?
WELL, NOT JUST BROCCOLI.
ALSO LETTUCE,
APPLES, RUTABAGAS,
KUMQUATS, GREEN BEANS.
YES, YES, FRUITS
AND VEGETABLES. I GET IT.
BUT WHY MAKE THEM BIG?
THINK HOW MANY
GALLONS OF JUICE
YOU COULD GET IF THIS ORANGE
WAS 10 TIMES BIGGER.
THINK HOW MUCH EASIER
IT WOULD BE
TO PICK ONE
LARGE ORANGE INSTEAD
OF 100 LITTLE ORANGES.
OH, LIKE H.G. WELLS'
FOOD OF THE GODS.
WE COULD FEED THE WORLD.
DILTON, THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
HOW TRUE. AND IT'S
ALL POSSIBLE
THANKS TO
MY NEW GROWTH RAY.
YOU MEAN
IT ACTUALLY WORKS?
WE'LL KNOW IN ABOUT
ONE MINUTE.
THEN GIVE IT THE GUN,
ALGERNON.
BIGGER IS BETTER.
SO, UH, WHEN DO THEY
START GROWING?
DANG FRIZZLE-FRAZZLE
PHOOEY TO THE Nth DEGREE.
I FAILED.
IT WAS A NICE TRY
ANYHOW, DILTON.
COME ON, I'LL BUY YOU
A BURGER.
ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS,
THE GROWTH RATE SHOULD HAVE
BEEN PHENOMENAL.
[SNORES]
MY APPETIZER.
THANKS, POP.
COME BACK IN 5 MINUTES,
AND I'LL ORDER MY MAIN COURSE.
HUH?
HE'S AN ABSOLUTE SLOB.
NAW, HE'S JUST JUGHEAD.
SO HAVE YOU FINISHED
YOUR GUEST LIST
FOR YOUR BIG POOL PARTY?
YES, INDEEDY.
SO WHO'D YOU INVITE?
WELL, NOT JUGHEAD,
THAT'S FOR SURE.
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
HE'S PART OF OUR GROUP.
I'M NOT SURE
HE'S PART OF OUR SPECIES.
LOOK AT HIM--
HE'S A TOTAL OUTSIDER.
VERONICA...
LOOK, HE HANGS OUT BY HIMSELF.
WELL, YEAH.
HE CAN'T GET A DATE.
WELL, YEAH.
HE EATS TOO MUCH.
WELL, YEAH.
HE DRESSES FUNNY.
[SNORING]
WELL, YEAH.
SO, HE'S DIFFERENT.
WHAT'S WRONG
WITH DIFFERENT?
IT BOTHERS PEOPLE.
AND I DON'T WANT HIM
SCARING OFF MY GUESTS.
THAT'S A CRUMMY
ATTITUDE, VERONICA.
HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE IT
IF PEOPLE THOUGHT
YOU WERE DIFFERENT?
BUT I'M NOT. THAT'S WHY
EVERYONE ADORES ME.
[WATCH ALARM BEEPS]
"3:26." TIME FOR A SNACK.
MM-MMM.
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
JUGHEAD, HI.
COME ON IN.
I WAS JUST MAKING A CAKE FOR
VERONICA'S POOL PARTY TOMORROW.
OHH--OH, DEAR, I FORGOT.
YOU'RE NOT INVITED, ARE YOU?
I'M SORRY.
NO BIGGIE.
NEED A HAND?
SURE. IT'S A CHOCOLATE CAKE,
AND IT'S JUST RISING.
DON'T OPEN IT!
[GASP]
THIS IS A VERY
DELICATE TIME.
COLD AIR
MAKES A CAKE FALL.
SO LOOK THROUGH
THE WINDOW INSTEAD.
WOW, JUGHEAD. HOW DO YOU
KNOW THIS STUFF?
MMM, WHEN IT COMES TO FOOD,
I'M AN EXPERT.
OOPS, I LEFT THE ICING
OUT IN THE CAR.
BE RIGHT BACK.
[GASPS]
AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
HUH?
[GASP] BEAT IT,
YOU CAKE WRECKER.
WH-WHOA! AAAHHH!
UNH.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
AAH!
ARCHIE, IT'S BETTY.
GET OVER HERE NOW!
BUT I'M KIND OF BUSY
BLOWING UP BALLOONS...
FOR VERONICA'S PARTY.
THERE'S A BEETLE OVER HERE,
AND HE'S REALLY BIG!
PAUL McCARTNEY?
NOT A BEATLE BEETLE.
A 10-FOOT BUG BEETLE.
REALLY?
I'LL BE RIGHT OVER.
THERE'S A GIANT BUG
AT BETTY'S HOUSE.
I SMELL A WEIRD MYSTERY.
AND I SMELL A RAT.
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
I DON'T TRUST
THAT BOY-CRAZY BLONDE.
AND THE BUG CLICKED AT ME,
AND I SCREAMED,
AND JUGHEAD RAN AFTER IT,
AND I CALLED YOU.
ONLY A FOOL WOULD
BELIEVE THAT STORY.
I BELIEVE IT.
PROOF POSITIVE.
ADMIT IT, COOPER.
THIS WAS ALL A TRICK
TO GET ARCHIE OVER HERE.
IT'S NO TRICK.
THERE IS A GIANT BUG,
AND HE'S ON THE LOOSE.
JUGHEAD,
YOU WERE SO BRAVE.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
NO, I'M NOT ALL RIGHT.
THE CAKE IS RUINED.
WEIRDO.
I'M TELLING YOU, DILTON,
IF JUGHEAD IS TELLING THE TRUTH,
THIS BUG IS HUGE.
BUT THE LONGEST BEETLE
ON RECORD
IS THE DYNASTES HERCULES,
AND IT WAS ONLY 7.48 INCHES.
ARCHIE, BALLOONS.
YES, YES, JUST
ONE MORE MINUTE.
WELL, I'M NOT SURE...
[WHISPERING]
[GASPS]
SO I WAS JUST WONDERING
IF YOUR GROWTH RAY
WAS SOMEHOW CONNECTED
WITH THAT BUG.
I SERIOUSLY DOUBT IT, ARCHIE.
YOU SAW FOR YOURSELF.
IT HAD ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT
ON THOSE VEGETABLES.
YEAH, I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
WELL, IT WAS WORTH A TRY.
COME ON,
ARCHIE-KINS.
OK, VERONICA. WELL,
THANKS, ANYWAY, DILTON.
NO PROBLEM,
ARCHIE.
ALL RIGHT, VERONICA, LET'S--
HAVE YOU GOT ON HIGH HEELS?
YOU MEN, ALWAYS FEELING
SO INFERIOR.
WELL, BYE, DILTON.
HELLO, FRESCO FASHIONS?
YES, THIS IS VERONICA LODGE.
YOU KNOW, THE DAUGHTER
OF YOUR BIGGEST CLIENT--
HIRAM LODGE.
THAT'S RIGHT.
[GARBLED VOICE
ON THE TELEPHONE]
WELL, THIS VOLAREÉ ORIGINAL
YOU SENT OVER FOR MY DATE
TONIGHT HAS SHRUNK.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I MIGHT
BE PUTTING ON WEIGHT?!
WHAT CLEANER DID SMITHERS
SEND MY CLOTHES TO?
THEY'VE ALL SHRUNK.
[HORN HONKS]
[GASPS]
AHH, IT'S ARCHIE!
WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?
[REVS ENGINE,
HONKS HORN]
I THOUGHT YOU TOLD ME
TO DRESS UP.
WHAT'S WITH YOUR DAD'S
JOGGING SUIT?
I...WANTED TO BE COMFORTABLE.
OW! WHEN DID YOU LOWER
THE ROOF OF YOUR CAR?
WHAT?
JUST DRIVE.
HUH?
[ROARS]
HEY, I CAN'T SEE!
SIT DOWN!
I AM SITTING, YOU LITTLE--
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
NOTHING.
WHAT A DUMB MOVIE.
GIANT MONSTERS? HAH!
UNH, UNH, UNH.
ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?
I'M FINE. WHY?
UH, YOU JUST SEEM--
WELL, UH, LESS PETITE
THAN BEFORE.
NO. IT'S THE SAME OLD ME. SEE?
OOPS.
HUH?
BETTY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
SCARING OFF BUGS.
I TOLD YOU, ANIMAL CONTROL
CAPTURED THAT GIANT BEETLE
YESTERDAY.
YEAH, WELL, I'M NOT
TAKING ANY CHANCES.
IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
MY WEIRD MYSTERIES ARE SUPPOSED
TO BE GHOSTS AND MONSTERS,
NOT ABOUT GIANT GIRLFRIENDS.
BETTY, THAT'S IT.
GIANT GIRLS, GIANT BUGS!
I'VE GOT TO FIND DILTON.
I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT GIANT GIRLS,
BUT VERONICA
BUGS ME BIG TIME.
SO DO YOU THINK
THERE'S A CONNECTION
BETWEEN THE GIANT BUG
AND VERONICA GETTING TALLER?
WELL, AFTER DOING SOME TESTS,
I'VE DISCOVERED
THIS MACHINE DOESN'T WORK
ON NON-ANIMAL OBJECTS.
YOU KNOW, PENCILS,
CEILING TILES, VEGETABLES.
HOWEVER, IT DOES SEEM
TO WORK ON CREATURES.
AND IF THERE WAS A BEETLE
HIDING IN THERE,
THE RAY WOULD'VE
MADE HIM BIGGER.
SO THAT MEANS
IT COULD'VE WORKED ON
VERONICA, TOO, RIGHT?
BUT WAIT. YOU DIDN'T
USE THE RAY ON HER.
CORRECT. THOUGH AFTER
YOU TWO LEFT HERE YESTERDAY,
I DID FIND THE MACHINE
HAD BEEN LEFT ON.
LEFT ON? VERONICA
MUST'VE DONE THAT.
QUICK, HER POOL PARTY
STARTS IN AN HOUR.
COME ON!
WHOA!
LOOK AT THIS FOOD,
DILTON!
JUGHEAD WOULD GO WILD
OVER IT.
WHY ISN'T HE HERE, THEN?
VERONICA
DIDN'T INVITE HIM.
SAID HE WAS
TOO DIFFERENT.
[THUNDEROUS STOMPS]
HI, EVERYONE!
[ALL GASP]
ENJOYING YOURSELVES?
FORGIVE THE STRANGE
FASHION STATEMENT,
BUT MY SWIMSUITS
SEEM TO HAVE SHRUNK,
SO I SEWED THEM
ALL TOGETHER.
ARCHIE WAS RIGHT.
SHE'S GIGANTIC!
VERONICA, ARE YOU...
ALL RIGHT?
OF COURSE.
NOW, WHO'S UP
FOR A SWIM?
[GASPS]
WHAA!
[YELLING]
THEY NEED TO PUT MORE WATER
IN THESE POOLS.
[CONCERNED CHATTER]
OH, NO. NOT AGAIN!
SHE'S EXPERIENCING
ANOTHER EXPLOSION OF GROWTH!
OH, NO!
WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?
STOP STARING!
I'M THE SAME AS ALWAYS!
B-B-BUT YOU'RE NOT,
VERONICA.
CAN'T YOU SEE
YOU'VE CHANGED?
YOU'RE DIFFERENT
NOW.
I'M NOT DIFFERENT.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT!
YOU ALL ARE!
YOU'RE PUNY AND WEAK,
AND I DON'T DATE WEAKLINGS!
WHOA!
UNH.
OH, MY PARTY'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YA, HUH?
WELL, NO ONE SNUBS
VERONICA LODGE!
LEAVE MY PARTY, WILL THEY?
THINK THEY CAN PUT ME
AT THE BOTTOM
OF THE SOCIAL
FOOD CHAIN, HUH?
WELL, I'LL SHOW THEM!
[GASPS]
DILTON, SHE'S HUGE!
AND MAD, TOO!
A DANGEROUS COMBINATION.
WHEN WILL SHE RETURN
TO NORMAL?
FOR ALL I KNOW,
VERONICA WILL KEEP
GETTING BIGGER
AND BIGGER.
I DON'T BUY THAT, DILTON.
LET'S GO BACK TO THE LAB
AND FIGURE OUT AN ANSWER.
[TIRES SCREECH]
AHA! FRESCO'S FASHIONS!
HERE'S MY CHANCE
TO GET EVEN WITH THOSE HACKS!
IF I CAN'T WEAR
A SIZE 7 ANYMORE,
THEN NOBODY WILL!
BESIDES, WHO CARES
ABOUT THESE STUPID
FASHIONS, ANYWAY?
I DO.
[SOBBING]
LOOK AT THAT
LOVELY FABRIC.
AND THAT LITTLE BELT.
[SOBBING]
HUH?
HEY, EASY ON THE TEARS.
I MAY NOT BE GENE KELLY,
BUT I COULD TRY
DANCING IN THIS DOWNPOUR
IF YOU WANT ME TO.
JUGHEAD?
HELLO, GIRLZILLA.
HOW ARE THINGS IN TOKYO?
EVERYTHING'S TERRIBLE.
I SCARED MY FRIENDS,
I DESTROYED PUBLIC PROPERTY,
THE PENTAGON
WILL PROBABLY ARREST ME.
AAH!AND WORST OF ALL,
NONE OF MY NICE CLOTHES FIT.
AAH!
I FEEL LIKE THAT MONSTER
IN THAT DUMB MOVIE.
NOBODY WILL
COME NEAR ME.
[SOBBING]
I'M NEAR YOU.
HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WELL, I WAS OUT
FOR MY EVENING THINK,
AND I'M NOT ABOUT TO LET
SOME GIANT SPOIL MY ROUTINE.
EVENING THINK?
SURE. I WALK AROUND TOWN
BY MYSELF
AND CONTEMPLATE
ALL SORTS OF THINGS,
LIKE WHY PAPERS BURN UP
BUT HOUSES BURN DOWN
OR WHY IF "HE" IS A "HIM,"
WHY ISN'T "SHE" A "SHIM"?
[GASPS]
YOU DO THIS
EVERY NIGHT?
PRETTY MUCH.
SO WHAT WERE YOU
THINKING ABOUT TONIGHT?
I WAS THINKING
HOW YOU BEING AN ODDBALL
MAKES ME LOOK NORMAL,
AND I'M NOT SURE
THAT'S SO GOOD
FOR ME.
ME? AN ODDBALL?
SURE. LOOK,
GETTING A DATE
WOULD BE PRETTY TOUGH
FOR YOU NOW, HUH?
WELL, YEAH.
I HAVE TO ADMIT YOU CAN EAT
WAY MORE BURGERS THAN ME.
WELL, YEAH.
YOU DRESS FUNNIER.
WELL, YEAH.
AND HERE YOU ARE HANGIN' OUT
ALL BY YOURSELF, RIGHT?
WELL, YEAH.
SO YOU'VE BECOME THE ODDBALL
INSTEAD OF ME.
OH, NO. I'M DIFFERENT!
RELAX. IT'S NOT SO BAD
BEING DIFFERENT.
LOOK AT ME. SURE,
IT'S LONELY SOMETIMES,
BUT IT ALSO LETS ME
BE MYSELF.
BUT I'M NOT MYSELF.
I'M A FREAK!
NO, YOU'RE VERONICA LODGE...
IN A SIZE 107 DRESS.
NOW CHILL OUT.
TOGETHER, US ODDBALLS
WILL FIGURE OUT A SOLUTION.
WHEW!
COME ON, DILTON, THINK!
YOU'VE GOT TO
SAVE VERONICA.
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
THE RAY WASN'T
DESIGNED TO--
WHOA!
WHOA!
VERONICA'S HEADED THIS WAY.
HELP! SHE'S MAD AT ME
FOR INVENTING THAT RAY.
NO, SHE'S NOT.
I'M KING OF THE WORLD!
EVENING, GENTS.
NICE NIGHT
FOR A STROLL, EH?
WOW! HOW'D YOU FIND US?
VERONICA REALIZED
THAT RAY IS PROBABLY
WHAT MADE HER ENORMOUS.
BIG-BONED.
SORRY. BIG-BONED.
SO WE THOUGHT THIS WAS
A GOOD PLACE TO START.
[SIREN]
THE POLICE!
OH, NO!
DO YOU THINK
THEY'RE AFTER ME?
NO. I'M SURE THEY'RE AFTER
SOME OTHER 50-FOOT GIANT
WHO TORE THE ROOF
OFF A CLOTHING STORE.
GIVE ME A BOOST.
UH-OH!
LOOKS LIKE
THE NATIONAL GUARD
HAVE JOINED THE HUNT.
Veronica:
HAVE THEY GOT GUNS?
NOPE, NO GUNS.
CANNONS!
OOH! DO SOMETHING!
YOU HEARD THE LADY.
GET THAT MACHINE WORKING.
WE'VE ONLY GOT
A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
BUT THIS RAY CAN
ONLY ENLARGE THINGS.
THERE'S NO WAY TO
REVERSE THE POLARITY.
I'M AFRAID THIS MACHINE
WILL NEVER MAKE
VERONICA SMALLER.
[SIGHS] OHH!
THEN WE NEED
A BETTER ANSWER, DILTON.
HUH?
[CRASH]
BUT I'VE CHECKED
EVERY BOOK I KNOW.
I CAN'T THINK
OF ANOTHER WAY.
CHILL, DIL!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"CHILL"?
Y'KNOW, CHILL OUT.
LIKE A BLAST OF COLD AIR
ON A CAKE IN AN OVEN.
JUGHEAD, THAT'S IT!
COLD AIR CAUSES
THE BUBBLES IN CAKE BATTER
TO POP AND DEFLATE.
IF I CAN ZERO IN
ON THE AMINO ACIDS
IN VERONICA'S GROWTH CELLS,
I CAN WEAKEN
THEIR MOLECULAR BONDS,
THEREBY DECREASING THE SPACE
BETWEEN THE MOLECULES.
IN ENGLISH, DILTON.
WE'LL DEFLATE VERONICA
LIKE A CAKE.
HAND ME THAT COIL.
YOU OK, VERONICA?
YEAH. SORRY I THREW YOU
ACROSS THE YARD, ARCHIE.
CAN YOU FORGIVE ME?
HEY, YOU WERE UPSET.
I'D PROBABLY FEEL THE SAME WAY
IF I WERE IN YOUR SHOES.
I'M NOT EVEN IN MY SHOES.
JUGHEAD,
YOUR IDEA WAS GENIUS.
HOW DID YOU
COME UP WITH IT?
HE'S DIFFERENT
THAN EVERYONE ELSE,
SO HE THINKS
DIFFERENTLY.
RIGHT, JUGHEAD?
EH, IT'S
NO BIG DEAL.
YES, IT ISA BIG DEAL.
TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS BIG.
HEY!
LET ME THANK YOU.
MWAAH!
THIS IS WHY
I HATE KISSING.
[SIREN WAILING]
[BOTH GASP]
HURRY!
THEY'RE ALMOST HERE!
PREPARE TO DE-ENLARGE.
SHOOT!
OHH!
AAAH!
OH, NO!
THIS MEANS EVERY HALLOWEEN,
THE SAME COSTUME:
STATUE OF LIBERTY.
HAVE FAITH,
VERONICA!
DILTON'S INVENTIONS
ALWAYS WORK...
USUALLY.
IT'S NO USE!
I'LL BE FOREVER STUCK
AS A GIANT!
IT WORKED!
All: HUH?
I'M A SIZE 7 AGAIN.
[SIREN]
[GASPS]
HEY, DID YOU KIDS
SEE A GIANT GO BY HERE?
Both: HUH?
I THINK SHE WENT
THAT WAY.
[GASPS]
THANKS.
[SIREN WAILING]
WHEW!
JUGHEAD, THANK YOU.
WILL YOU COME TO MY POOL PARTY
NEXT WEEK?
ONLY ON ONE CONDITION--
THAT YOU DON'T EAT
ALL THE BURGERS.
DEAL!
Archie: AND SO ALL'S WELL
THAT ENDS WELL.
DILTON RETURNED THE GIANT BEETLE
TO NORMAL SIZE,
VERONICA RETURNED
TO HER CLOSET FULL OF CLOTHES,
AND JUGHEAD RETURNED
TO HIS TRUE LOVE.
ARCH, DO YOU THINK
DILTON'S RAY
COULD MAKE
A 50-FOOT HAMBURGER?
HA HA HA.
WITHOUT JUGHEAD'S
ODDBALL THINKING,
VERONICA WOULD STILL BE
A GIANT TODAY.
I WONDER
IF SHE'LL THINK TWICE
BEFORE SHE POKES FUN
AT SOMEONE WHO'S DIFFERENT.
HMM.
PROBABLY NOT.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY NEW FASHION STATEMENT,
GUYS?
Both: WELL,
IT'S DIFFERENT.
Archie: SO, BIG PROBLEMS
OR LITTLE,
LIFE GOES ON IN A LITTLE TOWN
CALLED RIVERDALE.