Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000–2015): Season 11, Episode 8 - The Last One Forever and Ever (For Real This Time) (We ... Mean It) - full transcript

40,000 knots.

Thunderstud lowering.

Thunderstud is down 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Leaguing into position.

Hey, call me 'Thunderstud', okay?

Cut the chatter.

We're getting close.

Do you copy, Shake?

Shake is not here.

Are you trying to reach 'Thunderstud'?

Kick on the floods, Thunderstud.



Okay, here goes.

I need to pry open the mother clam without waking her,

and then I can just -- damn it, Shake! Stop!

Game over!

God damn it.

I just wanted to see if it was gonna blow --

yes, it will blow me up.

I mean, I didn't mean to actually blow you --

yes, you did. You meant to.

And that is dead-on accuracy.

I should be getting showered with health points

and power-ups for that.

You need to stop screwing around here, man!

We're only gonna have one shot at this mother clam



when this all goes down!

Uh, dude.

It's a video game?

What video game?

This game you're never gonna play,

'cause all you'll do is grunge
up my headset with oil and sinew

and whatever disgusting gristle you're made of.

Ohh, is this clamdigger 2?

I've been waiting 10 years
for this bad boy to come out.

Santa claus brought it for me.

Okay, okay. That's enough.

Let's let Shake get back to his game.

Okay, Thunderstud?

Come on, put on the headset. Let's go.

This is too much screen time for me.

I'm late for crossfit. Shake, don't go.

We need to kill that mother clam.

And I'm taking the beanbag...

For it belongs to me!

Shake, we need to talk, man.

I'll talk with you.

What you want to talk about? -- Jello?

This is sort of between me and Shake.

Something bothering you, Frylock?

You want to talk about it? You don't ever talk to me.

What's wrong with talking to me?

I like to talk.

And yet, you don't like talking to me.

That's not true, Meatwad. You know it. We talk.

Well, it's always so one-sided.

You yelling, "Meatwad, get your finger out your butt,"

and me going, "it's not in my butt,"

and you going, "yes, it is,"

and me going, "yeah, you're right."

I'll tell you what -- let's sit down and talk.

What do you want to talk about?

Hmm.

What makes jello so jiggly?

Well, when water mixes with the molecules, it --

get your finger out of your butt.

Aw, man.

Fell off the wagon again.

I guess I better go call my sponsor.

I'll have a scotch -- neat, please.

Whole milk. No ice.

And how about some chips and salsa, please?

While we're young.

It's a steak house, Shake. Oh.

Well, then, uh, bring me that bowl of mints

up by the register.

And show some hustle, will you, sweet tits?

Did you see how she checked out my crotch?

Yeah, we're at a steak house now.

Tube steak!

Shake, man, I'm...

I'm dying.

It's all right.

Don't cry or nothing.

It's just one of those things.

The jewel on my back?

It has a half-life of about 15 years.

Weird.

That's exactly how long we've been detectives.

You ain't noticed how dim it's gotten?

Here, watch this.

Oh, God.

Have you told Meatwad?

Nah. You know he couldn't handle it, man.

Listen, I've been having these dreams --

intense dreams -- about clams.

And the dreams led me to this planet, see? Clamidia.

It's a watery body near Venus.

Where's that godforsaken milk?!

What are you looking at, sister?

Turn around and eat your slop.

I'm sorry. You were saying?

Anyway, the French clamidians,

they grow these jewels inside the mother clam

just like the one on my back. J'accuse!

That's why I'm training us with clamdigger 2.

It's not a game. It's a simulator.

I'm gonna fight those clams, get me a new jewel,

or that's it for me.

I'm done.

Are clams shellfish? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm allergic to shellfish.

Hey, you see those girls behind you?

Don't look around.

I think they're single.

That's why I wear the ol' wedding ring.

It makes me more desirable.

To them, I'm but a sexual trophy.

You know what? Never mind.

Ahh.

Yo, waiter, can I get another scotch, please?

No, no, no! Look, I have something to tell you, too.

Yeah, I recently purchased a three-Wheeler!

Pew! Pew! Take that, clam.

You've reached the mother clam!

You've found the jewel of clamidieaux!

Hurry! Back to earth!

To save Frylock's life!

To save Frylock's what, now?

You're drunk.

You're drunk! Let's get some beer.

Carl. Dunh.

Wake your ass up. Let's dance, man. Come on.

Hey, you can't kick me out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ow!

Carl! Come on, man, let's dance!

What are you doing in my house?!

Get out of my house!

What are we doing in Carl's house?

Let's get out of the man's house!

Go home, Carl. Thank you for babysitting.

Yeah, I babysat all them wide-mouth tall boys.

Your home is that way.

Yeah, I see it. Shut up.

Where's Meatwad?

Wake that little bald-headed beef sumbitch up!

Meatwad, why you crying? Let's talk.

"We don't ever talk, Frylock." Na-na-na-na.

Remember? Come on, dawg.

Let's talk.

You just gonna tell me

to get my finger out my butt!

No, I won't tell you to get
your finger out of your butt.

Hell, I'll put my finger in your butt.

We'll have fingers in butts.

Come on, man, let's dance.

I ain't gonna dance with you.

I played clamdigger. I know what's going on.

Clamdigger's not a video game.

It's a simulator.

Yes, Frylock, I was listening.

Hell, I finished that dumb game.

You what?

Yeah, right. By yourself?

That's a two-man game!

And yet, I crushed it alone.

You lie.

This is impossible.

There's no way you're better than me!

I'm allergic to shellfish.

Saboteur! Aah!

Aah!

I'm allergic to shellfish.

Saboteur!

Aah! Huh?

Wake up.

I just want to make sure you're
not having the bad dream,

'cause -- because I definitely wasn't.

Wait a second. What did you say?

Are you having the dream, too?

The what now? Which dream?

I don't I don't know why I'm in here.

Good night. Did a clam speak to you in French

and then snap his shell over your head?

No.

In my dream, I just rescue Cheryl tiegs

from the shower monster, and then she sexes me.

And it is bitchin'.

Oh, then turn off the light, then.

This here is my Jew buddy -- hiram.

Show him, hiram. Mazel tov.

See? He's Jewish. Jewish guys say that.

Shabbat shalom and all that.

Hiram prices rocks down in the diamond district.

See, he can fit you with a cubic zirc

and replace that bad diamond you got.

And then we don't have to go
to space to fight any clams.

Yeah, guys, thanks for the thought,

but this is clamidian quartz.

It has magical properties.

There's no other stone like this one on this planet.

Hey, hiram's got some suction
with the clam people, right?

The clam people?

No, I-I-I know who the clam people are.

I can get you clamidian quartz.

You never seen better clamidian quartz than this.

Listen to hiram. The Jews are smart.

That's why they own everything.

Yeah, well, unless hiram here's got a rocket ship

that can get us to clamidia, he ain't gonna --

come on, now. Whoa, whoa, whoa,
man! What the hell you doing?!

I need to bring the jewel

back to my Jewish shop, meshuggener.

What's up with your braid?

Uh, my braid's falling out 'cause of God's vengeance.

Why do you do this to my people?

No, it's falling off because the tape's coming off.

Dominick? What?

I knew nothing of this. I am outraged.

This whole time you been pretending

to be my other friend, hiram,

so you could hustle my other
good friend, fryman, here?!

How dare you?

You said 20-carat rock.

That ain't a diamond, Carl!

He's sick.

And you're sick, too, for preying on him.

Get out of here. I don't want you in my sight.

Yeah, well, you can kiss off that finder's fee!

I'll call you later.

This can happen.

Carl, we're going swimming.

Well, I forbid it.

Well, I ain't asking, Carl.

I'm telling.

Now, hold your breath.

You know, I'm not really in
the mood to get wet right now.

Aah!

Aaaaaah!

Aaaaaah!

Oh, that was fun, boy. Let's do that again.

Wait a minute. When did you get this?

Okay, when we exit the earth's atmosphere,

these panels will come off,

and there's a submarine underneath.

When did you get this?!

I'm gonna need you to work these lasers.

Wait a minute. They will blast
clams from a quarter-mile out.

I told you that I would prefer

to not fight the clam people from my nightmares.

So you are having nightmares.

Also, I'm the leader,

and what I say goes.

Well, you aren't fighting them. He is.

That's right. Boom!

I'm gonna punch it, boy!

No, you don't get to punch nothing.

You're allowed to play with your dolls,

of which you can only bring two.

I'm bringing three dolls.

No! I am Thunderstud.

So you have a decision to make...

'Cause I will destroy this ship with my anger

before I let strawberry nerdcake steer it!

That's your new name, by the way.

Meatwad is the best at this.

Oh, hello, wiper. Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Shake, you are not to mess with that wiper blade!

Oh, is that right?

Look, I made the call, okay? It is what it is.

I'm gonna make the call right now to my friend wiper...

...And tell him "get...Bent."

Aah!

Ohh!

Ohh, my goodness.

Damn.

What are you looking at?

You never saw a guy break his back before?

Take a picture.

It'll last longer, dingus.

I'm gonna look at this for years.

I have a jewel, too? Where?

Under your cup. Look, it's right here.

Yeah, of course I know that.

You've had that this whole time?

Yo, post this picture of me and my jewel.

I'm gonna get some mad likes.

Give me the jewel.

Oh! Thief!

I need it! For survival!

What the hell you think I need it for?

Give it! Give it! No!

Jewel burglar! Give me it!

Frylock, no! Step back.

It's his jewel.

But he's a dick!

He's always been a dick!

Lower the wall, Meatwad,

'cause I'm about to do some drilling --

into someone's head.

I'm gonna lower the wall.

But I want y'all to Shake hands and be friends again.

All right, fine.

I'm...Sorry, Shake.

Uh No, thanks.

Feast on the beam, fryman.

Oh, hell!

Wait a minute. Let me do it over.

Did that one go?

Lasers are so dumb. That's why I don't use them.

You don't use them because you don't have them...

Because your jewel is going, too.

Going where? Going to die.

Why are we fighting with each other

when we could be working
together to get me a new jewel?

I wonder if my jewel is dying out, too.

Probably.

You have a jewel? Well, not no more.

I traded it.

Hey, Zachary...

I'll trade you.

Yep, I got tater tots and a dipping sauce.

Ol' Zachary got burned on that deal.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

How the hell are you alive?

Huh. I guess...

Um, I'm alive 'cause...

Uh...

Oh! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Through the power of magic.

And imagination!

Through the power of magic and imagination, I guess.

Nah, that ain't it.

No, wait a minute. It could be!

Who was talking to you just now?

Shake, there comes a time in a popular character's life

where it's just over, man.

What do you mean, "over"?

Why do bad things happen to the best people?

Why me?

Why now?

Just keep it on your forehead.

Relax, okay?

Okay.

You want some more water?

Okay. Thanks, bro.

You're cool.

I get it from this drain over here.

See, they put the gutter in wrong,

so the water runs down the drywall,

and I blot it up in the carpet.

Here, open your mouth.

I'll squeeze it in there for you.

It's time, Shake.

You know what we need to do.

Yes. My bucket list.

It's quite large.

I had to write it with a big marker

'cause someone took all the pens!

Let's see, here. Okay.

"Sex." Yep.

50 times. Mm-hmm.

One time, okay? Sex once.

One time.

But the list says 50.

Once! You got it?

You ask for ming ha.

You tell here that you do not know me.

Wait, wait. Don't tell her that,

'cause it's gonna tip her off that you know me.

So don't -- just don't mention me.

But toss her an extra $20. It's on the house.

Carl, thanks.

Twenty Susan b's.

I'm using a feminist icon to pay for a sex act.

The irony ain't lost on me.

And when she rolls you over, you ask for --

I know, I know.

The happy ending, right?

That's amateur hour.

What you want is the m. Night shyamalan.

That's the unresolved ending with a twist.

Oh, and one more thing --

don't let her use the banana oil...

Unless you like whiteheads all over your junk.

Thanks, Carl.

See you on the other side, drink cup.

Yeah!

The m. Night shyamalan!

What's the m. Night shyamalan?

She shoves a mop up your ass.

Aah!

You don't see that coming.

Yeah!

Thanks, ming ha.

I'm pretty sure she got off.

Frylock, your nose is bleeding.

Pick me up. We got to get to the ship.

Come on, let's go. Let's get him in here.

Get him in here. Get him in here.

Frylock, let's go.

I got Dewey and Vanessa and boxy packed.

I got my shovel and my bucket

in case we need to make an impromptu sand castle.

I'm not going, Meatwad.

I can't make it, man.

What you talking about, Frylock?

You're fine! You're healthy as a horse.

Just, you know, tilt your head back a little.

Hey, that's a big one. Whoa.

You can do this, Meatwad.

Are you sure? I'm offering to be the hero here.

Not him, though.

So don't you listen to him, okay?

I love you.

I love you, too, man.

But please don't hug me with
your nose doing that, okay?

Okay. Damn.

Come on, get up. I need to sit there.

Should have got here earlier.

My dolls got all the seats.

Shee, mother-flunker be putting me on the hump?

Now, boxy, Dewey likes to look out the window.

I needs me some leg room, beef ball. You feel me?

Vanessa, you good right there?

That's good.

Time to ride.

Ooh!

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Can you, uh, check the glove box

and see if there's any napkins?

Please prepare for splashdown

in 3...2...4...5.

I'm just filling time with numbers now.

There we go.

Them clams ought to be right here.

What's the sonar say?

You know what? That's important.

But let's talk about it after lunch.

No, no, no, no, no. That says "launch."

No, it doesn't!

All right, yeah, it did.

That was my mech suit, Shake.

Well, it should been a tuna-salad sandwich.

Who mislabeled it?

My spidey senses tell me it's you!

Leon!

Leon! My spidey senses tell me it's you!

Oh, poop. We in the poop now.

Load me into the torpedo bay.

Leon! I will reason with these shelled savages.

That ain't gonna work, Shake.

Listen, I'm sorry I yelled at you.

All those hundreds of thousands of times,

spanning almost two decades.

It was for your own good.

I made you better.

You're welcome, buddy.

I appreciate that. I really do.

I still don't think it's gonna work.

Now press the goddamn button.

All right.

I smell me some bad oysters.

And I'm looking in your general direction,

'cause you're all really pissing me off.

Wait a minute.

Are clams shellfish?

I know I'm allergic to shellfish.

Oh, no! I'm allergic!

Leon!

Meatwad, it's not working!

Do you copy? Something has pissed them off!

Shake! Get back to the ship!

You -- you made them mad!

What did you do that made them mad?

Shake, no!

Aah!

Leon! Leon! Leon!

Aqua teen hunger force forever!

Oh, man.

Oh, I'm in a pickle now.

How am I gonna pry open this mother clam

without my mech suit?

Oh! Ho! Ho! Ho!

Just use your brains, Meatwad.

The shovel.

Use your brains.

My brains.

Of course! My brains!

Here come the airplane.

Zoom, zoom, zoom. Ahh.

He's looking for a place to land.

Gotcha!

Sabotage! J'accuse!

Leon! Leon! Leon!

Leon. Leon. Leon.

Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!

You messed up -- big-time.

Should I use my brains again?

Use the jewel, dumbass.

Leon! Leon! Leon!

Leon.

I'm back. Hey, hey.

He, uh...

He ain't looking so hot.

Did you get the jewel?

Oh, yeah. I got it.

I got it. It's in here.

Hold on, now.

It's, uh...

Oh, no.

That ain't it. That ain't it.

That ain't it. That ain't it.

That ain't it. Dang it!

Where'd I leave my keys?

Aw, fudge.

I think I left it on the hood.

Frylock?

Oh, man.

But, uh, no use letting that jewel

just stay in there, right? I mean...

8% -- does that sound like a good number?

Shut your mouth.

Meat man, you need to grieve right now.

Grieve.

But 8%, I mean, that's found money.

Carl, please. Just a moment with my friend, please.

Where's Shake? Oh, he dead.

Oh, man.

You sure?

Yes, I'm sure. Did you check?

Here. His dishwashing glove.

I guess we'll never know why he wore these.

Sumbitch never did the damn dishes.

I thought your profile was so funny.

You like Santa claus

and glittery donkeys and roller skates?

Um...

Uh...

Ho! Ho! Play it off as a joke.

Um... Yeah, I was being ironic.

Isn't that the thing where you say you're something,

but you're definitely not that thing?

Hurry, change the subject before she leaves.

Tell me about you.

You're a mortgage lender, huh?

That sounds interesting.

For better and for worse,

for richer, for poorer...

With this ring, I thee wed.

Hey.

How much of this will go on the deductible?

Sir, sir -- sir, listen to me.

You ain't gonna do better than $65 a square foot

for granite countertop.

Well, I don't know what to tell you, sir.

You can shop around, but I don't make the prices.

Honey?

Does $127 sound right to you?

For water?

I think we got a leak somewhere or something.

- Stop it!
- Let go of me!

Stop pulling my hair! Let go! Let go, hankwad!

Hey! Hey! Quit it!

Settle down back there.

Hankwad, stop pinching your sister.

Whose house is this?

This here's the house I grew up in.

This is it, huh?

Come on, let's get out.

They had a pool. Used to be right here.

I guess they shut down the waterslide.

Our neighbor here used to always get cheesed off

whenever we swim in here

or crushed his house with a giant easter egg monster

or, one time, we killed him with a toilet

and replaced him with eyeballs.

I want to say his name was -- was it Kevin?

Kurt? Something.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, honey, it doesn't look like anyone is home.

Aw, dang it.

Daddy, do a hot dog! Do the hot dog!

Do the hot dog. Please don't.

You remember what the chiropractor said?

Do the hot dog! Do the hot dog! Hot dog! Hot dog!

No, no, no.

Daddy's getting a little too old

to be doing the hot dog now.

How about the igloo? All right! Yeah!

I'll give you an igloo.

Yeah! Yay! Igloo!

Yeah, there you go.

Okay, kids. Come on.

And I done the hot dog, too! Oh!

Yes! Hot dog! Yeah!

That hurts daddy's back.

Oh, my goodness.

Good job, daddy. Great hot dog.

Okay, everybody get in the car now.

Okay, kids, buckle up.

Who wants spaghetti?

Yay! Spaghetti! I hate restaurants.

All right, lock your doors, y'all.

This here's kind of a bad neighborhood.

Evil villains everywhere you turn.

* I never dreamed I'd be an aqua teen *

* 13 seasons, what did it mean? *

* a master Shake, Meatwad, a floating head *

* and now you're dead

* and it's the end

* of Aqua Teen

* Hunger Force

* it's the end