Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000–2015): Season 11, Episode 5 - Knapsack! - full transcript
Meatwad learns how dog food seamlessly integrates into porn.
Hey, y'all.
Meet my new friend, jubilee.
Hola, se?or. ? qu?Epasa?
? ?Qu?Epasta?
That means "what's happening?"
Good, Meatwad. Good.
Jubilee is my new amigo.
Well, nice to meet you, jubilee.
Ihola! I'm nappy the knapsack.
Ihola! I'm mappy the map.
Ihola! I'm gpsy the GPS.
Don't know why we need a GPS
when we already have a map.
Well, they added me when you got old
and had that scare with the heart attack.
Oh, sure, I know. Yes, remember when you
got all ?low and parchmenty-looking?
I know why it was necessary back then.
It's why you're still here that bothers me.
Okay, guys. Okay.
See? I got me a lot of amigos now, Frylocko.
Yeah, I see that.
And el blanco assholo.
Yeah, I said it.
Hey, uh, your friend, uh, jubilee
is she, uh does she put out or what?
-No, no! -It's just a
question!
-Shake, no. -There's not one
bad word in that question!
What, I can't ask questions anymore?
You don't learn unless you ask things.
Listen, Meatwad has had a lot
of problems making friends here.
So do you.
Because your personality
grates on everyone you meet.
You're like a frickin' cheese grater on the soul.
Look this jubilee seems like a really sweet
and innocent girl, and Meatwad is happy.
And I ain't gonna have you screw it up, Shake.
Fine, dad.
But I'm not changing the way I live
because he has a friend now.
I got a lot of farts to light today,
and I still need to knock most of them out,
guest or no guest.
I'm sorry. That's one.
Uh, can I help you?
I'm mappy the map.
And I'm gpsy the GPS.
Yeah, I know. We did that earlier.
I'm nappy the knapsack.
We know!
They sing songs and teach me Spanish
and we have us a good time, don't we, guys?
Hey, where's your bathroom, huh?
Yeah, where's your bathroom?
Y'all all got to go to the bathroom together?
Is it like a bathroom adventure?
No.
We don't really have a bathroom.
Oh. Well, do you have, like,
a private room or something?
Uh, you could go to Meatwad's room.
It's right down the hall.
Killer.
Y'all gonna have you a party in my room?
Maybe like a a candy bash?
Uh No.
Well, can I come?
No, not this time.
Maybe next time.
Okay.
Where's jubilee?
Hola, se?or Meatwad.
I guess I got a little turned around in here.
I need mappy and g-p-sy.
Uh, they're down the hall.
We're in this room over here, baby.
It's juby. It's cool.
Here, Meatwad, why don't you take all your new friends
out for some frozen yogurt on what the hell?
Hey, I had over $200 in this drawer.
You what? Since when?
Don't play dumb, Shake. You took it.
The sock drawer. Of course!
You don't wear socks.
We looked everywhere but there.
Okay, se?or Meatwad,
let's go exploring.
-V?monos.
-V?monos.
-Iv?monos!
-Let's go. V?monos.
-V?monos.
-Come on.
-We got to get out of here.
-V?monos.
-V?monos,gang. -I got to sit
down.
Well, I got to run.
We got to v?monos.
Okay. V?monos,guys. That's cute.
No, not you, shit stain.
Whoa, whoa. Hey, language, man.
I didn't want to go.
Yeah, Frylock. V?monosmeans us, not you.
Just us, Frylock the exploritos.
We ride again.
Sorry, sorry.
We're cool, bro.
Stay here.
That little GPS has got
himself a mouth on him, don't he?
Did you see how the knapsack
had his straps all over her?
Don't change the subject, Shake.
I want to know where my damn money is.
If I stole your $200,
then why did I have to finance
these shades interest-only?
Same as cash for the first three months.
A-thank you very much-ah.
-Cuatro.
-Cuatro.
-Cinco.
-Cinco.
-Seis.
-Seis.
-Siete.
-Siete.
-Ocho.
-Ocho.
-Nueve.
-Nueve.
-Diez.
-Diez.
$8.
There's just $200 here, nappy.
Seriously? $200?
I can barely light a porn shoot for that much.
Porn shoot?
Yeah, we direct pornos.
You teach him el porno yet, juby?
Huh?
Shut up.
What is this word, "el porno"?
It means wealth.
It's how you use your body to make money.
Isn't that right, juby? Tell him.
Tell him with your mouth.
Shut up, nappy.
Where's mappy?
We left his ass back at the house.
Who needs maps anymore? I'll tell you where to go.
I'm gpsy the GPS.
Gpsy can run the camera. It'll be fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll run the camera.
I'll run it good.
Hey, did I see jubilee over here?
Where is she? Where is she?
You know jubilee, too?
It was her? Holy hell!
Can I meet her?
Oh, is she famous? Are you her amigo, too?
Oh, yeah, we're amigos all right.
I'm a v.I.P. Amigo in the jubilee spank army.
See, they drive their rv around
and pick up virgins and deflower them,
and then I pay $14.99 a month to jerk off to it.
-It suits my needs.
-Virgins?
Occasionally this weird talking knapsack gets into it
and is like whispering into her ear all the time.
I-I I tend to fast forward through the knapsack stuff.
She's doing a live webcam party tonight.
Oh, no. Meatwad!
Come on, Shake.
You know, why don't you go ahead and I'll wait here.
I'll I'll be the base camp while you're gone
for at least an hour, right?
You got a whole free month online here,
and you're just gonna leave the house on day one?
Besides, you're the one who let him run wild
with those exploritos.
I know, but we got to find them.
Hey, every man has this shining moment.
You can't just take that away from Meatwad.
He's only 6, man.
But only in the brain.
And, you know, highlights says 6 is the new 9 anyway.
--Get up.
Wha five more minutes, please.
No, get your ass up now and unroll
and show me where you animals
are gonna steal my friend's virginity.
They left me? Oh, great.
You got some real amigos in that rv, don't you?
I been in the sex industry longer than gpsy.
Gpsy can't run the camera.
Hey. I'm Carl. I'm a huge admirer or your work.
I get huge admiring it.
Ah, I'm such a nerd.
I should not have said that joke.
I'm stupid.
Thanks for being a fan.
Means a lot. Whoa, whoa! Easy, pal!
These are shoot locations.
Looks like they're gonna do a
three-way by the creek bed.
This is a public park
where families take their children to play.
So, uh, who gets to be the third guy?
Yeah, who gets to be the third dude?
Usually nappy.
He's got some sort of weird psychological hold on her.
Yeah, I saw this one video where he's, uh,
psychologically holding a leash
and she's eating dog food out of a bowl.
-Oh, yeah. -And he's on the
toilet.
"Four legged slave." I shot that one.
It's a classic.
All natural light.
I'm really proud of that.
Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.
It has changed my life.
I just can't even get aroused unless I smell dog food.
Carl, we need a ride, please.
One second, one second.
Hey, you guys ever do auditions?
Well, you have to be a virgin.
Of course, yeah. I mean, I'm one of them.
I'm a virg I'm virginal.
What are you talking about, Carl?
You have sex all the time according to you!
I hate to say this, Shake,
but a lot of that was just big talk.
Carl, you're my sexual hero. I look up to you.
Yeah, I know, but, uh
what about that time you did lita Ford
with all the zz top guys watching?
Was that a lie as well, Carl?
I didn't finger bang Joan jett at ozzfest, either.
So I am a virgin.
And I'm young, too.
I fit the bill.
All right, I'll tell them.
Uh, well, there's no money in it,
but it's good exposure for your crotch.
Carl, please! We're losing valuable time, man!
We're going, we're going,
okay? Let me just change real quick.
And you're gonna do this, right?
For us.
Remember all those dreams we talked about?
We can't get there unless you do this, baby.
I know, I know.
But I need you right now.
I need you to focus right here.
I love you, you know that.
And this here, this, this means nothing.
This is just sex.
You do this dog-food thing for me for us
and we're done. Never again.
I don't want to do the dog-food thing!
But you're good at it, baby.
Focus. You do this and we're out.
This is the last one.
You promise?
Big-time. Big-time.
Gpsy, you got the lights set up?
Light,yes.
The one light we have is on.
The headlight. The one headlight that works.
And then you say "action" and then we have an adventure
where I bend over and put my butt up in the air
and eat this here dog food?
Yeah, uh, but you got to wait for her to drag you here
and whip on your butt with this strap
and order you to do it.
But take your time. I want this to feel natural.
Okay, cool. How high up should my butt go?
Am I still in the frame if I do this?
He ate all the dog food.
It's good dog food.
Fine. Skip the dog food.
Uh, let's go straight to the scene
where they're mashing and banging.
What do you mean to mash and bang?
That sounds like it's gonna hurt me in the tushy.
Oh, no. You ain't mashing and banging my boy.
You want to mash someone,
mash someone young.
Angus young!
And I'm back from prep school.
Mom and dad are in Europe,
so I got their place to myself.
He's way too old.
Our loyal army of middle-aged spankers won't buy it.
Hey, where are the juice boxes,
'cause I just ate dish-washing detergent
'cause I'm too young to know better.
Too young. Too creepy.
We like it barelylegal, you know, but legal.
Look, asshole, I just ate a bunch
of very cheap detergent for you.
Now we need to shoot this
before I become flaccid and collapse from poison.
Yeah, come on, now. I just hit puberty here.
Y-you hear that?
My voice changed.
Make the cameras go.
Let's get this on. Let's do it.
Come on! I got to have this!
Shut down the amateur porn shoot!
Oh, shit. It's that local church group.
We are releasing positivity pamphlets.
Please read them at once.
You can't stop this!
Internet porn is bigger than you!
Whoa!
We just stopped it.
Man 232: Why did you do that?
They were about to read the pamphlets.
The book of job tells us
I'm sorry, there's nothing in the book of job
about exploding people.
Where did you even get a missile?
He works in mysterious ways.
So Russia, then?
Yep. Russia.
Russell the Russian? The new guy?
Yes, Russell. He's a good guy.
I'm telling mom.
Made in Georgia.
Georgia's the name of the state that it's made in.
Meet my new friend, jubilee.
Hola, se?or. ? qu?Epasa?
? ?Qu?Epasta?
That means "what's happening?"
Good, Meatwad. Good.
Jubilee is my new amigo.
Well, nice to meet you, jubilee.
Ihola! I'm nappy the knapsack.
Ihola! I'm mappy the map.
Ihola! I'm gpsy the GPS.
Don't know why we need a GPS
when we already have a map.
Well, they added me when you got old
and had that scare with the heart attack.
Oh, sure, I know. Yes, remember when you
got all ?low and parchmenty-looking?
I know why it was necessary back then.
It's why you're still here that bothers me.
Okay, guys. Okay.
See? I got me a lot of amigos now, Frylocko.
Yeah, I see that.
And el blanco assholo.
Yeah, I said it.
Hey, uh, your friend, uh, jubilee
is she, uh does she put out or what?
-No, no! -It's just a
question!
-Shake, no. -There's not one
bad word in that question!
What, I can't ask questions anymore?
You don't learn unless you ask things.
Listen, Meatwad has had a lot
of problems making friends here.
So do you.
Because your personality
grates on everyone you meet.
You're like a frickin' cheese grater on the soul.
Look this jubilee seems like a really sweet
and innocent girl, and Meatwad is happy.
And I ain't gonna have you screw it up, Shake.
Fine, dad.
But I'm not changing the way I live
because he has a friend now.
I got a lot of farts to light today,
and I still need to knock most of them out,
guest or no guest.
I'm sorry. That's one.
Uh, can I help you?
I'm mappy the map.
And I'm gpsy the GPS.
Yeah, I know. We did that earlier.
I'm nappy the knapsack.
We know!
They sing songs and teach me Spanish
and we have us a good time, don't we, guys?
Hey, where's your bathroom, huh?
Yeah, where's your bathroom?
Y'all all got to go to the bathroom together?
Is it like a bathroom adventure?
No.
We don't really have a bathroom.
Oh. Well, do you have, like,
a private room or something?
Uh, you could go to Meatwad's room.
It's right down the hall.
Killer.
Y'all gonna have you a party in my room?
Maybe like a a candy bash?
Uh No.
Well, can I come?
No, not this time.
Maybe next time.
Okay.
Where's jubilee?
Hola, se?or Meatwad.
I guess I got a little turned around in here.
I need mappy and g-p-sy.
Uh, they're down the hall.
We're in this room over here, baby.
It's juby. It's cool.
Here, Meatwad, why don't you take all your new friends
out for some frozen yogurt on what the hell?
Hey, I had over $200 in this drawer.
You what? Since when?
Don't play dumb, Shake. You took it.
The sock drawer. Of course!
You don't wear socks.
We looked everywhere but there.
Okay, se?or Meatwad,
let's go exploring.
-V?monos.
-V?monos.
-Iv?monos!
-Let's go. V?monos.
-V?monos.
-Come on.
-We got to get out of here.
-V?monos.
-V?monos,gang. -I got to sit
down.
Well, I got to run.
We got to v?monos.
Okay. V?monos,guys. That's cute.
No, not you, shit stain.
Whoa, whoa. Hey, language, man.
I didn't want to go.
Yeah, Frylock. V?monosmeans us, not you.
Just us, Frylock the exploritos.
We ride again.
Sorry, sorry.
We're cool, bro.
Stay here.
That little GPS has got
himself a mouth on him, don't he?
Did you see how the knapsack
had his straps all over her?
Don't change the subject, Shake.
I want to know where my damn money is.
If I stole your $200,
then why did I have to finance
these shades interest-only?
Same as cash for the first three months.
A-thank you very much-ah.
-Cuatro.
-Cuatro.
-Cinco.
-Cinco.
-Seis.
-Seis.
-Siete.
-Siete.
-Ocho.
-Ocho.
-Nueve.
-Nueve.
-Diez.
-Diez.
$8.
There's just $200 here, nappy.
Seriously? $200?
I can barely light a porn shoot for that much.
Porn shoot?
Yeah, we direct pornos.
You teach him el porno yet, juby?
Huh?
Shut up.
What is this word, "el porno"?
It means wealth.
It's how you use your body to make money.
Isn't that right, juby? Tell him.
Tell him with your mouth.
Shut up, nappy.
Where's mappy?
We left his ass back at the house.
Who needs maps anymore? I'll tell you where to go.
I'm gpsy the GPS.
Gpsy can run the camera. It'll be fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll run the camera.
I'll run it good.
Hey, did I see jubilee over here?
Where is she? Where is she?
You know jubilee, too?
It was her? Holy hell!
Can I meet her?
Oh, is she famous? Are you her amigo, too?
Oh, yeah, we're amigos all right.
I'm a v.I.P. Amigo in the jubilee spank army.
See, they drive their rv around
and pick up virgins and deflower them,
and then I pay $14.99 a month to jerk off to it.
-It suits my needs.
-Virgins?
Occasionally this weird talking knapsack gets into it
and is like whispering into her ear all the time.
I-I I tend to fast forward through the knapsack stuff.
She's doing a live webcam party tonight.
Oh, no. Meatwad!
Come on, Shake.
You know, why don't you go ahead and I'll wait here.
I'll I'll be the base camp while you're gone
for at least an hour, right?
You got a whole free month online here,
and you're just gonna leave the house on day one?
Besides, you're the one who let him run wild
with those exploritos.
I know, but we got to find them.
Hey, every man has this shining moment.
You can't just take that away from Meatwad.
He's only 6, man.
But only in the brain.
And, you know, highlights says 6 is the new 9 anyway.
--Get up.
Wha five more minutes, please.
No, get your ass up now and unroll
and show me where you animals
are gonna steal my friend's virginity.
They left me? Oh, great.
You got some real amigos in that rv, don't you?
I been in the sex industry longer than gpsy.
Gpsy can't run the camera.
Hey. I'm Carl. I'm a huge admirer or your work.
I get huge admiring it.
Ah, I'm such a nerd.
I should not have said that joke.
I'm stupid.
Thanks for being a fan.
Means a lot. Whoa, whoa! Easy, pal!
These are shoot locations.
Looks like they're gonna do a
three-way by the creek bed.
This is a public park
where families take their children to play.
So, uh, who gets to be the third guy?
Yeah, who gets to be the third dude?
Usually nappy.
He's got some sort of weird psychological hold on her.
Yeah, I saw this one video where he's, uh,
psychologically holding a leash
and she's eating dog food out of a bowl.
-Oh, yeah. -And he's on the
toilet.
"Four legged slave." I shot that one.
It's a classic.
All natural light.
I'm really proud of that.
Whatever you're doing, keep doing it.
It has changed my life.
I just can't even get aroused unless I smell dog food.
Carl, we need a ride, please.
One second, one second.
Hey, you guys ever do auditions?
Well, you have to be a virgin.
Of course, yeah. I mean, I'm one of them.
I'm a virg I'm virginal.
What are you talking about, Carl?
You have sex all the time according to you!
I hate to say this, Shake,
but a lot of that was just big talk.
Carl, you're my sexual hero. I look up to you.
Yeah, I know, but, uh
what about that time you did lita Ford
with all the zz top guys watching?
Was that a lie as well, Carl?
I didn't finger bang Joan jett at ozzfest, either.
So I am a virgin.
And I'm young, too.
I fit the bill.
All right, I'll tell them.
Uh, well, there's no money in it,
but it's good exposure for your crotch.
Carl, please! We're losing valuable time, man!
We're going, we're going,
okay? Let me just change real quick.
And you're gonna do this, right?
For us.
Remember all those dreams we talked about?
We can't get there unless you do this, baby.
I know, I know.
But I need you right now.
I need you to focus right here.
I love you, you know that.
And this here, this, this means nothing.
This is just sex.
You do this dog-food thing for me for us
and we're done. Never again.
I don't want to do the dog-food thing!
But you're good at it, baby.
Focus. You do this and we're out.
This is the last one.
You promise?
Big-time. Big-time.
Gpsy, you got the lights set up?
Light,yes.
The one light we have is on.
The headlight. The one headlight that works.
And then you say "action" and then we have an adventure
where I bend over and put my butt up in the air
and eat this here dog food?
Yeah, uh, but you got to wait for her to drag you here
and whip on your butt with this strap
and order you to do it.
But take your time. I want this to feel natural.
Okay, cool. How high up should my butt go?
Am I still in the frame if I do this?
He ate all the dog food.
It's good dog food.
Fine. Skip the dog food.
Uh, let's go straight to the scene
where they're mashing and banging.
What do you mean to mash and bang?
That sounds like it's gonna hurt me in the tushy.
Oh, no. You ain't mashing and banging my boy.
You want to mash someone,
mash someone young.
Angus young!
And I'm back from prep school.
Mom and dad are in Europe,
so I got their place to myself.
He's way too old.
Our loyal army of middle-aged spankers won't buy it.
Hey, where are the juice boxes,
'cause I just ate dish-washing detergent
'cause I'm too young to know better.
Too young. Too creepy.
We like it barelylegal, you know, but legal.
Look, asshole, I just ate a bunch
of very cheap detergent for you.
Now we need to shoot this
before I become flaccid and collapse from poison.
Yeah, come on, now. I just hit puberty here.
Y-you hear that?
My voice changed.
Make the cameras go.
Let's get this on. Let's do it.
Come on! I got to have this!
Shut down the amateur porn shoot!
Oh, shit. It's that local church group.
We are releasing positivity pamphlets.
Please read them at once.
You can't stop this!
Internet porn is bigger than you!
Whoa!
We just stopped it.
Man 232: Why did you do that?
They were about to read the pamphlets.
The book of job tells us
I'm sorry, there's nothing in the book of job
about exploding people.
Where did you even get a missile?
He works in mysterious ways.
So Russia, then?
Yep. Russia.
Russell the Russian? The new guy?
Yes, Russell. He's a good guy.
I'm telling mom.
Made in Georgia.
Georgia's the name of the state that it's made in.