Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 3 - Érase el reciclaje - full transcript

Hey, this thing's taken 6 euros from me again!

Mm let's see Señora, let me have a look

You're gonna break it if you're not careful

All day here just to get one bloody pack of fags! It's not good enough!

There you go

It's about time you got this thing fixed!

Every day it's the same story

Right, that's all I need

Let's go girls, I've nicked another pack of fags from that loser now

Marisa, you're killing yourself!

What a nerve you've got!



With the pension I get, what do you want me to do?

Fair enough

What the fuck have they dumped in here? It's like a ton of bricks

Ah, hello Señor Juan

What's happening?

Nothing, he's got the hump about something

What's wrong little man?

I don't like going to taikwondo anymore but he doesn't get the point

You've gotta do exercise, son. Your body's developing

Shit, I don't get it. You're paying for them to beat me up

Well, defend yourself then boy!

You're preparing for life as an adult

Life's a fight, Jose Miguel

Life is knowing how to give punches and take punches, my boy



That's right

Well, well, well, look who it is!

When are you going to convene the meeting?

We want the new girl as president

These things take time

Until I finish the accounts for the financial year, it can't be done

Yeah, whatever! We'll convene the meeting on our own then

Yeah, this bloke's like a leech. Even when you hit him, he doesn't leave you alone!

Look, listen, look...

Quit, Señor Cuesta! Quit!

Oh no, now the lift's not working

Nothing works round here!

What are you doing with our money?

Thief!

Yeah, you can say that again. Thief! Thief! Thief! That's what you are

Making me climb the stairs with my legs the way they are

What you want is to make us have a fall so we snuff it and you'll be rid of us

See that, boy. That's taking punches

Your Dad's a master at taking punches

Every day's always the same

I couldn't imagine it when I moved to this place

All I was looking for was a bit of peace and quiet

And I wake up every day in the middle of a riot

This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone

The house is falling down about my feet

The caretaker's nowhere to be seen

The neighbours are always spying on me

I can't take this place

Put together and give a good shake

to a volcano and an earthquake

and you'll get this staircase

This is no kind of life for anyone, anyone, anyone

Off to a wedding, are you?

No. To serve hamburgers

at least I work though

Hey, hey, hey! I got a call from the casting agency

and they picked me for the advertisement

Brilliant!

But I said no

But why?

Didn't you say they were paying 2 thousand euros?

Yeah but it's the usual ad for skin cream when they make you show your butt and I'm not doing that

Fuck, show them it, Alicia! They're gonna cut off our electricity

Belen, I've got my career as an artist to think about!

Going nude isn't good for my image

Yeah right you've got a career, Alicia!

Phone them and tell them I'll do it

Yeah but you haven't got the right kind of body

Didn't you say it was for skin cream?

Well I can do the photo of the person before they start using the cream

Hey, bring me back some onion rings or something when you come home, ok?

Piss off!

Come on, it's to save money, girl

Ok, so everything's finished now then, right?

Look how lovely your flat looks now lad

it's unbelievable

and all this in just 2 weeks!

3 weeks

Oh ok, but to me it feels like they've flown by

Yeah well, you haven't shown your face round here

Ok, come on then. The cheque

Oh! Lucia said...

Just messing with you, man!

What a life you’ve got!

Your father-in-law pays for the flat

Your girlfriend pays for the refurbishment

What do you pay for, boy?

Are you a royal or something?

Hi! You two seem to be getting along well

Yeah, this guy's killing me

the things he comes out with

Here you go, the cheque

Well then? Do you like how it's turned out?

Loads

Come on then, let's go look at furniture

Right now?

Yeah

That's it boy, now you're being taken shopping like in Pretty Woman

Doesn't this guy ever shut up or what?

Alright! Alright!

Stop pressing the buzzer now! You just need to press it once

Are you the caretaker of this building?

Yeah

I'm from the council.

Shit! Next month I'll pay all the fines, I swear

No, I'm from the department for the environment

And I've come to tell you about the new system for sorting and collecting refuse

And to bring you the new rubbish bins

But I've already got bins

Yes but these are for organic waste

From now on, the yellow one is for metal, plastic, and containers

the blue one for paper and cardboard, and the green one for glass

ah, how convenient

So you mean now I have to put out 4 bins instead of 1!

Look, here are some leaflets for the occupants

everything's explained very clearly there

Oh, and here are some posters to promote awareness

If you have any questions, check our webpage. Good day

Hang on a second! What am I supposed to do with all this now?

Bins over here. Who's left that bike there!

Seriously, one of these days, I'm gonna flip

Paloma, I need to do something

The neighbours don't want me, they’re being hostile

No Juan. Why do you say that?

They insult me whenever they see me

That doesn't mean they don't want you as president

You trust me!

I'm off out, see you later

Bye sweetheart, mind how you go

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where are you going dressed like that?

To a birthday party Dad

What's your part in it then? Are you gonna jump out of the cake or what?

Stay there a second. Why don't you wear this, sweetheart?

I've just ironed it. It goes with your trousers

That's a pijama top

Sure! Less tight. You'll be more comfortable

Natalia, you can't go out on the street like that!

Calm down, you seem very tense to me

What you need to do is make the most of being left alone

go to your bedroom and relax a bit

It's ages since I last heard you doing it

Right! See you later

What did she say?

I'm in shock, Juan!

Hey!

Hi Natalia

Hey Emilio

Natalia!

Señor Cuesta, have you got a minute?

Hey Emilio, don't you think what my daughter's wearing is a bit too much?

No. She looks fine. That's what all girls wear nowadays. She looks very nice

Well? What did you want?

Erm...oh yeah. Look, the council have been here

And why did you let them in?

No, they said they're engaged in urban waste and that we've got to recycle

Oh, ok

But I reckon it's best if we ignore it because this is a right old pain in the arse

Emilio, we need to support them. Recycling is the future

Ecology, sustainable development, you see?

Yeah, that's all very well but what do you want me to do with 3 rubbish bins? Put them in my house?

Wow, that's what I like! For you to show a bit of initiative

Also, this is gonna be really good for me with the neighbours, you know

They'll be glad to see they’ve got a president who cares about the environment

Oh, hand out the leaflets and explain the system to everyone

Oh, you mean on top of that, I've got to explain it to them?

Of course

Thanks, just what I needed

Recycling, ok? See that?

3 bins, 3 rubbish bags

A little effort from you brings a big benefit for everyone

So the cardboard has to go in the yellow one?

No! That's where the glass goes. And the plastics have to go in the blue one

No. No. No. Listen

In the blue one, you put the carboard. In the green one, the plastic.

In the yellow one, the...the glass

And then all the other rubbish you put in the grey one, the one we've always had

Look man, make up your mind because every time you explain it, you say something different

Where do we have to put the cake wrappers?

Because what are they? Paper, cardboard, or organic waste?

How do I know Señora? You need to check that in the leaflet

It's not in the leaflet

Yes it is. I'm sure it is.

How could that not be in it? This leaflet covers everything

What you do with this is look in the little window and turn it round and round

until you get dizzy from reading the little letters. This makes a brilliant fan. You give yourself a bit of fresh air

and here we go again. Round and round

Look, sorry, I'm going because I've got to explain this to the neighbours opposite you

the ones upstairs, the ones downstairs

You understand, right? It's not that complicated

I didn't get that at all. Did you get any of that, Vicenta?

Not much

I'm gonna fan myself. That was the only part I understood

Ok, ok, brilliant initiative.

But how am I supposed to fit three rubbish bins in this kitchen?

What are you asking me for? I'm just a messenger!

They say we've gotta protect the environment!

Oh, the environment! What about all the cars polluting the atmosphere then?

And the factories dumping waste in the rivers?

And the tree logging left, right and centre?

And the hole in the ozone layer?

Come on, tell me, I'm listening!

Come on, get out of here. I've been telling people about this stuff for years

Unbelievable! The lecture that dick's just given me!

I'll throw it all out together. If you want it sorted, do it yourself!

That way you can earn your salary

And don't come pestering me with any more of your crap! I'm very busy

I'd recycle you if you gave me the chance!

What?

Now look here, you've got to recycle! And if you don't like it, you can lump it!

I've had enough of your shit!

Really!

Watch out, you nearly knocked me over

Doña Concha, you need to walk on the right

Concha's coming!

Get the money out, Concha's coming

What money? I don't get paid until the end of the fortnight

It's me. Concha

I'm coming in

Where are you?

I've come for the rent

If you'd just shown your butt!

That woman frightens the life out of me

Alicia, we can't keep running away from our problems

we've got to face up to them

Do you think I'm stupid or what?

No! We just went outside to smoke so you wouldn't smell it

My money

Yes, right, look, Doña Concha, I'm working in a...

You haven't got it

No but if you could just be a bit understanding, we...

Of course. Don’t worry if you haven't got the money

Really Doña Concha?

I want you out of here and on the street in 2 days

and clean the flat!

whores!

What are we gonna do?

I reckon a little push like this on the stairs...

I'm being serious

Me too

Marisa, stop smoking, please!

I've already come out onto the balcony. Give me a break!

I can't carry on watching you kill yourself without doing anything about it

Give me that packet!

What are you doing? Give that back or I can't answer for the consequences

No more smoking in here

Hey sweetheart, you've got your bad habits and I've got mine

Yours is praying to that cross and mine's the fags

I don't care how you take it. This is my house and I ban you from smoking here

Right then, I'm going

Where are you going?

I'd rather carry on living as a real person and die with dignity

than lose my dignity and die as a real person!

What are you talking about?

I don't know. There! See, I can't quit smoking

because it's bad for my nerves! Can't you see that?

Listen, if my husband says we have to recycle then we have to recycle

end of story!

because he's the President so he knows what has to be done

You've put the steaks in here, Doña Vicenta!

They go in the plastic!

Well she did the right thing because you should have seen the state of them

And I said I'm not recycling and I'm still not recycling!

Look out, this is dirty

What have you put in there?

What's wrong? Do you wanna search it?

Come on, show a little respect. This is for the environment

What's the big deal? There's a hole in the ozone layer because of her steaks, is that it?

What am I supposed to do with my magazines?

Well it depends. If they're celebrity gossip ones put them in the organic waste

What about used batteries? Where do they go?

How do I know what you're supposed to do with them!

I take them to church. Next to the candles, there's a little box to drop them in

Vicenta, that's the offering box

Paloma, what are you doing? How come you're taking so long?

Here's the one who’s to blame for everything!

But this is my husband!

Well he's to blame for that too

Yeah, great idea to recycle

Hang on a second. I always do what I feel is best for the community

No! Because if you did that, you would have quit

If we'd elected the new girl President

Come on, that's enough. I'm sick of so much scorn and slander about my leadership

Do you want me to quit?

Yes!

Well I quit then!

I don't want to hear another word about this community! I'm done with it!

Wait, what happened?

I'm done with it!

But until the next meeting, my husband is still the President of this building!

whether you like it or not! Enough!

Of course

Hi, good evening

Is something wrong?

Congratulations! You're gonna be proclaimed first lady

Right then, tomorrow I'll get the caretaker and we'll do a check of all the building

to see what needs doing and request a budget

Do you want a beer?

Come on, you've not been made President yet

There'll have to be a meeting for that, right?

Yeah but in the meantime someone will have to make the decisions

Haven't you seen how they treat the Presidents in this place?

They haven't killed the one downstairs because they don't know what bin to dump him in. Otherwise...

Don't worry, honey. They're gonna love me

Fuck Lucia. You're getting yourself in some deep shit

Hey, hey, hey, none of that Lucia! From now on, Mrs President

President, that's a bit of a turn on, you know

It is, right?

Let's make a toast

I've had enough of getting kicked around

I've dedicated 12 years of my life to this community

and look how they thank me for it!

Ungrateful!

Calm down, sweetheart, calm down

If that snob wants to be President, then let her!

We'll see how long she lasts!

Trust me!

The last time I trusted you, we had Jose Miguel

Huh? What we need to do now is pester her all the time

That'll be them coming up to apologise

Well now I'm the one who doesn't want you!

Err..what's up? Come in, Emilio

Señor Juan, I wanted to say that for me you'll always be the President

Thanks, thanks Emilio

But no, that's all water under the bridge for me now

In the 12 years that I've been President of the community

I've neglected the most important thing in a man's life

Your car

No, my family

From now on, I'm going to dedicate myself to my wife and kids

about time

how lovely, how lovely

But don't you worry Emilio because this isn't goodbye

it's just see you later

Right, ok then. See you later

Bye Emilio

Your people love you, Juan, they love you.

I don't know

There you go!

Mum, you've made a mistake

You've given me bird food instead of cereal

It's wholemeal cereal and it's delicious

Why can't I have the chocolate one?

Because as you already know the doctor said you need to lose a bit of weight

But he's even fatter than me

Kids, this afternoon when you leave school, we're gonna go to the park together

What for?

What do you think for?

To do what kids your age do in a park

Get pissed!

Play!

Oh, and on Friday we're gonna go to the cinema together

Dad wants to spend a bit more time with you

But what have we done to you?

Don't keep telling me to take you to see the bulls

I love you, I adore you

Don't keep telling me to take you to see the bulls

I can't anymore, I can't anymore

and this toast is gonna burn, I can't anymore

and this toast is gonna burn

how nice it looks, how nice it looks

I add a bit of salt to my eggs

Good morning

Fuck, what a fright you gave me!

What are you doing here?

Today's my first day as President

Come on, let's go, we've got a lot of stuff to do

but I haven't had breakfast

Yeah but don't you start work at 9?

Come on then, it's already ten past nine. Get dressed! We need to check over the building

Wow, these look lovely. Can I have one?

Eat whatever you want!

I'm ready now

Take this

Right then, Emilio. You've been here a long time

What's the first thing you’d change?

Me? My salary

What's wrong with your salary?

It's been frozen even longer than Walt Disney

Alright, we'll talk about that later

No, we don't need to talk about it. We need to raise it

Yeah ok but we need to talk with all the neighbours

Write everything down

Right. Emilio's salary

The first thing that needs to be done is to get them two upstairs to pay me the rent

Yes but I can't get involved in that Señora

If they don't pay the rent, I can't pay for the maintenance of the building

I've got a lot of expenses

Right. Anything else?

The lift. The lift needs changing now!

Right, Emilio. Put change the lift

Change the lift?

Yes

But do you know how much a lift costs?

Shall I cross out lift then?

No, don't cross it out because Concha's complained!

Well let her complain! And let her take the stairs

it'll help her a lot with her arthritis

Plus, if she falls no-one's gonna care

What do you propose then?

That my husband returns as President because he's the only one who knows how to manage this

because you seem a bit out of your depth to me, sweetheart

What should I put down, Señorita Lucia?

Nothing, come on, let's go

See you later

I've been saying for ages that we need to paint the hallway

because every time I come in, it gets me down

and I don't know, put in a plant or something

something with a bit of joy of life in it

Plastic flowers

What do you mean plastic flowers?

They don't need watering

No no Emilio, not plastic ones. Real flowers!

Anything else you can think of?

What position do you like best in bed?

Sorry?

It's just that I'm writing an article on it

On the bottom because it wears you out less

Not you! Her

Come on, let's go. We've got lots to do

on the bottom

Wow, same as me

On the bottom, right, sure

What we need to do is put boilers in every flat

Because there are four of them upstairs and only 2 of us

so we're paying for all the hot water, damn it, and that's not fair

Here are the biscuits!

They told you they didn't want any! You're so annoying!

How are they not gonna want any? Eat up, silly

Ok, but I'll just take one

Ok, anything else to improve the building?

Ashtrays. We need ashtrays in the hall, on the landings, and in every corner of the staircase

Cigarettes! She used to be so pretty and look how thin she is now

I'll show you some pictures

No, no, no, really, we need to be going now, we need to work

We won't be getting out of here

Right then, this is the flat. Nice, right?

How many metres is it?

Lots! 80 or 100

What are the neighbours like?

Well, same as everywhere

Hey, what's going on here?

Wow, great, it comes with a cleaning lady

What do you mean cleaning lady? I'm the tenant!

Not anymore because you stopped paying

Doña Concha, you need to stop coming in the flat whenever you feel like

What if I'm naked?

Well you get dressed

I won't show you the bedrooms because

who knows what a state these two have got them in

Who are these people?

She wants to rent them the flat

How's that then? Are we included in the price?

Well, are you going to take it then?

I suppose the flat doesn't come with any extra charges

Sure, these two are leaving tomorrow

No, financial charges I mean.

No, what do you take me for? I'm very serious

Yeah, that's true. I've never once seen her laugh

Right then, have you got the security deposit with you or do you need to nip to the bank?

If you don't mind, we'll think about it

Yes, sure, think about it

but I warn you there are lots of people interested in this flat

Yeah, like us!

Belén I can’t move back in with my parents

Me neither, they've changed the locks

Alicia, we need to get money now!

Hey, why don't you call one of your ninety boyfriends?

If I don't remember their names, I'm hardly likely to remember their phone numbers, am I?

Fernando!

Fernando downstairs?

Sure!

But I haven't slept with him yet!

No, no, I mean he's a lawyer. Maybe he can advise us

Come on, let's go ask him

Fernando! No, no, I need to change first

No, no, Concha can't kick you out like that

You need to owe at least 3 months' rent

Look, how long has it been since you signed the contract?

What contract?

Haven't you got a contract?

No

Well in that case it's her who could get in a lot of trouble then

Seriously?

Yes as long as you can prove that you live here

And do bank statements prove that?

Of course

Wow, finally they're useful for something

Next time she comes poking around the flat, I'm gonna throw the book at her, she won't know what’s hit her

Hang on, hang on. She comes into your flat?

Every day!

She says, it's Concha, I'm coming in

Yeah but you're the tenants. It's as if it were your house

God, how I like this guy!

Mm ok, you know there are cases of tenants not paying rent

and it takes years for them to be evicted

Did you know your room is right above mine?

What? No, no I didn't know that

I heard the two of you the other day

Really? Does the sound carry a lot?

Enough. Also, you were at it for a good while. Champ!

What about you? What year are you in?

You're blushing

Me?

I'd best be off because the fish is melting

Don't think too much about me

No, no

Hey, where are you going?

Me? To my house

Right

Wow, you're here

You're back from work a bit early, aren’t you?

Nah. I didn't go to work

How's it all going?

Badly. Every neighbour's asking for something different. They can't agree.

For the love of God

Now I understand why we pay so little for the building maintenance

The caretaker hasn't got a contract

And the building hasn't passed the council's safety test

What a disgrace

And on top of that, the lift hasn't been checked since 1994

Oh well, that makes it more exciting when we come up in it

And really I don't know how anyone can understand this guy's paperwork

Life's full of mysteries

Right, I'm gonna see if he's at home, ok?

I'm gonna go talk with him

We'll carry on in a bit

Well I'll wait here for you

When you're free, I'm here for you, alright?

We'll work something out

Wow, it's Mrs President, what an honour!

Good afternoon. Could I speak with your husband for a minute please?

Well Juan's not here. He's gone for a walk with the boy

because now he's got so much time on his hands

Ok, I'll come back another time

No, come in, come in! Tell me about it

Come on, you know I'm here to help you with whatever you need

Right well, I've been checking the accounts that you gave me

Great, that was quick, how are they?

They're a mess

Ok, but now you're here you can sort them out, can't you?

Also, we've got a problem with the caretaker's contract

What problem?

He hasn't got one! Do you know how much trouble he could get us in?

What if he has an accident?

Poor man, what do you wanna do to him?

Nothing Paloma, but we need to give him a contract and get him a National Insurance number

Ah, alright sweetheart but there are only 6 flats

and that would cost us an arm and a leg

Well either we pay more building maintenance or get rid of the caretaker

Mmm, well they both sound like great ideas to me

See what you've done? The first thing she's gonna do is make you pay more building maintenance

How do you know that?

Because she told me. 200 euros every month.

How much?

Oh look who it is? It didn't take you long to show your face, Señora

Could you shout quietly please? Some of us have to work, you know

Well work, work! You wait and see the bill you're gonna have to pay

What bill? Why?

The girl wants to change the lift as well

But why does she want to change it?

Just get Emilio to fix it like we always do

It'll break down again but it's cheaper

Sure, but she'll probably get her dad to do it and make commission on it

What are you saying? That she's stealing from us?

Of course, she's seen what her husband does and she decided she wants a piece of the action

Hey, my husband's never stolen a cent! Not one cent!

Well I've got a few savings but I wanted to use them to get my legs waxed

What she wants is to get rid of all of us so her dad can get his hands on the building

And that's when you'll miss Juan

Marisa! What are you doing smoking?

Fuck, what a fright you gave me!

But what are you all doing up there?

This looks like the House of Commons, I'm off

A cheeseburger to go with onion

You know where you can stick your cheeseburger, moron!

Have you seen what you’re wearing, Belen? The guys won’t be able to keep their eyes off you

Hey, the circulars go in the letter boxes!

Wait till I catch you, you little shit

Emilio! Do you like your job?

Do I like it? I love it! Doesn't it show?

Well the new President's gonna get rid of you

Really?

Yeah

But why?

Well she says you're very expensive

But she told me she was gonna check my salary

Well she's checked it good and proper

She says in such a small building we don't need a caretaker

But in Madrid the buildings are smaller and they have 3 caretakers!

I'm so sorry Emilio, so sorry.

because we all really appreciate you here

and for you to have to go just because that girl's got the idea into her head

is really sad, Emilio, really sad

Well you know what? If they're gonna fire me, it's because I’m not needed

and if I'm not needed, then I'm not working anymore!

and tell that girl to watch out for me because I did my military service in the artillery

Unbelievable, these posh bitches!

Try not to make any noise

Why? What's wrong?

The neighbours are really nosy

I love your tattoo

I'll show you the other one in a minute

Don't tickle!

I'm horny

Wow, you're enjoying yourselves, aren't you?

Marisa, for God's sake, what are you doing sitting there?

If your mum sees you, you'll be for it!

Do you live with your mum?

And with his son

No, no, don't listen to her. She's senile

Get him to show you the bedroom at the back. That's where he's got them hidden

Right, ok, let's meet up another day, alright? I'll call you

No, wait, Vanessa!

Carmen! Carmen! Sorry. I've got a friend who's called Vanessa who looks like you

Fuck off!

Marisa!

Come on, don't make that face, if you need me for a quickie, you know where I am

Right, don't worry, I won't be knocking on your door

He'll be going to bed with a hard on tonight

You should have seen their faces when I told them everything the new girl wants to do

There were sparks flying, Juan. Sparks!

Tomorrow they'll all be here begging you to return as President

What do you think of your Paloma then?

You're so hot

What? No, no Juan! The kids are gonna hear us

Let them hear

Kids! Your parents are gonna make love, at last!

Juan, keep still, will you! We've got more important things to think about

Get your head together!

Didn't you say you wanted to spend more time with the kids?

Yeah but not right now

Right well go and talk with Natalia

Me? What for?

Find out what she does when she goes out

I reckon she's got a guy

Oh come on, she's just a little girl!

A little girl? You know I found a condom in her bag

What?

Come on Juan, if you just walk past her, you can see how full of hormones she is

Hormones?

From head to toe, hormones all over!

Right I'll go talk to her right now

Yeah, that's it. That's what fathers are there for. To talk with their daughters

Take your time!

How comfy this bed is!

Hi

Wow, that didn't take the two of you long, did it?

Can I come in?

No

Natalia, we need to talk

Are you alright Dad?

Yeah but from now on, I want us to talk more

Ok

Well, look...how are things?

Good, good

How are things with you?

Good, good

Natalia, now you've reached the age when you're not a little girl anymore

That's plain to see

and you've probably begun to notice changes in your body

maybe you've even started to become interested in boys

And that's important. And we've got to deal with it together

Yes Dad, I'm a virgin

Ok

Hey, don't you think instead of worrying so much about my sex life

you should worry about yours?

What are you talking about sweetheart? How can you expect me not to worry?

When you become a mother, you'll understand

Yes Dad

Don't rush into it anything, though! These things will happen naturally

You just relax. Bye

Some story you sold him there

I thought you were asleep

So you're a virgin, are you?

Mind your own business

What's wrong? What's wrong?

What time is it? For God's sake, who's calling me now?

What?

Emilio, it's Vicenta. I'm really worried

What's the matter Señora?

I think I put the silver paper from the yoghurts in the yellow bin by mistake

And you wake me up to tell me that?

Show a little respect, it's 2 in the morning

What should I do?

Well for serious issues like this, phone the President directly

But how can I call the President at this time of night?

You mean you won't call her but you can call me!

I'll call her tomorrow at a more respectable hour

Right ok, you do that. Goodnight Doña Vicenta

Goodnight. Nutcase! You're off your fucking nut!

Hello?

Hello, good morning, it's Vicenta

Can I talk to Lucia?

For you, Mrs President

Hello?

It's Vicenta. Did I wake you?

Of course you woke us up, damn it. It's 7 in the morning

No, don't worry Vicenta, we needed to get up now anyway

I didn't sleep a wink all night because I was so worried. You need to warn the council

What's wrong?

Yesterday I made a mistake and put the silver paper from the yoghurts in the yellow bin

Oh ok, that's great, right?

No because that's paper. It needs to go in the blue one

Oh ok but don't worry, Vicenta. If you don't do it right, it doesn't matter

Oh really? Why do we bother recycling then?

Ok, right, well let's talk about it later, ok? I've got to go to work. Have a good day

Fuck Lucia, this takes the biscuit

What are they gonna call you for next time? To programme their TV? Fuck's sake!

Listen Roberto, I need you to do me a favour

Oh thank God! I thought you were never gonna be in the mood

No, I've got to go to work. But the lift engineer is gonna come

Oh no! You're not getting me mixed up in that!

Come on!

No, you wanted to be President, so you sort it out

Go on, it'll only take a minute. He's just gonna take a look and give us a quote

I'm gonna take a shower

No shit! I'm going out of my mind

Hello?

Hey, what about the paper in the cake wrappers?

Look Señora, eat biscuits, they're much healthier!

She's coming, she's coming! She's here now!

Take the chain out, I don't want any problems

No! I don't want to, Alicia!

It's Concha, I'm coming in

No, you're not coming in here anymore

Let me in. What have you put on the door?

You can't come in the house without our permission

But it's mine!

Yeah but we've rented it so it's as if the house was our own

The lawyer in 1B told us

You're whores, both of you!

Watch what you say to us! You didn't give us a contract and we could report you

I'll be back!

Yeah, you do that! We'll be waiting

You two! What's your problem with me?

Sorry?

You got together with those 2 whores from upstairs to make my life a misery!

Señora, truly I don't know what you're talking about

You'd better steer clear of me!

Shit! She's scary!

What's up with her?

Nothing. The girls asked me for a bit of advice about their lease

and it looks like it hasn't gone down well

What do you mean advice?

When did you talk to Alicia?

Oh yesterday. The two of them came downstairs

Ah so they were here too?

Yeah

and why didn't you tell me?

Well because it's no big deal

Of course it's no big deal

Deep down, you love it that Alicia's coming on to you

And you don't give a damn about how I feel about it

Mauri, next time I see them I'll tell you, I swear

Oh so you're gonna see them again?

Plus Fernando, why do you have to go poking your nose into other people's business?

Because I'm a lawyer. It's my duty

Oh so now you're out to set the world to rights

That woman frightens me

Did you notice her eyes?

They're just like Frankenstein's

You're exaggerating. She's just a poor old helpless lady

Yeah that's what they said about Pinochet to stop him going to prison and look at him

What's she gonna do to us anyway? We’re neighbours

Come on, don't you watch TV?

There are neighbours who are always stabbing each other!

She just got a bit upset, that's all

Come on, you love to think the worst of people

Why on earth are these wires like this?

If you don't know, we're hardly likely to

Who did the last repair on this lift?

Me. What's wrong with it?

You've done an interesting job. These 2 wires are stuck together with chewing gum

Sure, they're supposed to be stuck together

Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about

Fuck!

See? You don't know what you're doing

I know I've damaged my box from the kick I just gave it

But can something be done with the lift?

Yeah, you need to change the fuse box, the motor, the buffers, the chains

See? He didn't say anything about the control panel

The control panel's wrecked. Tomorrow someone'll come give you a quote

That's 90 euros

What?

But do I have to pay you out of my own pocket?

No! I'm from Lifts without Borders

90 euros for a 2 minute glance!

But who do you think you are? A notary?

Look here, you clown, didn't you see how I nearly hurt myself because of your shit work?

You're gonna get really hurt if you don't watch your mouth!

Hey, hey, one at a time, one at a time

I'll smash your face in

Yeah right

Hold it please, calm down, you can't fight here

Ok, alright, come on, outside, let's go

Oh alright then, let's take a walk

Actually maybe you'd better go with him and I'll stay here and sort this out

Look, this lift's been tampered with by unskilled people

It hasn't passed the maintenance checks and it hasn't got a single safety feature

I could have told you that for free, you idiot

Come on, Emilio

Listen, I'm gonna contact the manufacturer so they report you

and you're gonna go down!

Don't show your face round here again, you idiot

Mate, they charge you 90 euros to go and report you

You've got natural talent for business, you know that

But what the fuck man, what's the matter with you?

I don't know, ask the President. Maybe she'll tell you

Eat it all up now

Where have you been? We've almost finished dinner

I've rented Little Mermaid so we can all watch it together!

Little Mermaid?

Dad, have you been mixing pills?

Come on! Come and sit down over here! It's starting now

I've got loads of homework to do

Yeah I'm meeting Danny

But what about the dessert?

What's wrong? Don't you want to watch it or what?

Juan, honey, really, Little Mermaid!

They're not that young anymore

What's the big deal? It's a nice film

Yes, yes it's nice

The singing's great in it

And what about the crab?

And the little fish?

And the witch with her tentacles who stops the wedding. She's beautiful!

Yeah but...

It's ok, I'll watch it by myself

No, no, I'll watch it with you to keep you company

You paid to rent it after all

This can't be happening. Fernando!

What's up?

Look!

What have you done to it?

It was that psycho upstairs

She's poured bleach on it!

Smell, smell. It's bleach

But are you sure it was her?

Come on, Sherlock Holmes. Who hates us and lives above us?

Concha

Well do something! Arrest her! Put her in prison!

How can she go to prison for this? Come on, Mauri

Ruining a Dolce Gabbana shirt like this is a capital offense

I'll show her!

Wait, wait, I'll go talk to her

Why can't I go?

Because when you get angry, it's really obvious that you’re camp

What?

I mean...

Sorry but I am not camp! You're much more camp than me! I've seen you

See? You get all worked up and you start talking like Meryl Streep

like a drama queen

This takes the biscuit. So now I've got to change how I speak

so people won't realise that you're gay!

Look! Another fag end. That woman can't smoke here

because afterwards all the smoke ends up in my house

Look, I'm not the President

Talk to Lucia about it in the meeting tomorrow

Your girlfriend! Your girlfriend's a slut

We make her President and then she disappears

No, she hasn't disappeared. She's at work

Roberto! I’ve found you at last

Where do I need to put Valentin's poo?

In the yellow bin or the grey one?

because it's organic waste but the bag's made of plastic

Hang on, hang on, why are you asking me about it?

Ask Emilio

Look, throw it where you want but don't bring it inside in the building

Out of the way please, I'm dangerous

What's the matter with you then?

What's the matter with me? Look at my shirt

Why did you wash it with bleach? That needs to be washed in the sink in cold water

Yeah but what do you expect from men living alone?

It wasn't me. It was Concha

She washes her clothes in bleach!

You're still first lady, come on, upstairs, there's gonna be trouble

I can't wait to see you try and sort it out. Without your girlfriend

Mauri, calm down please

I'm perfectly calm

But I'm not leaving until she apologises

Ok, but leave it to me, alright?

Concha, open up, they're bitching about you

Aren't you gonna call the President or something?

What do you think I'm doing, Señora? Ordering a pizza?

I don't know

Hello

Ok, calm down, I'm on my way up

Ok, I'm coming

Tomorrow neighbours' meeting in the snob's house

What a cheek!

What on earth...what's going on here?

Don't let them in, son!

Look Armando, we think your mum...

No! We don't think anything. Your mum's poured bleach on my shirt

Lies! It must have been them on the third floor

My mum's a saint! If it was her, she must have done it by accident

I see what you're saying but...

What if I'd stuck my head out of the window at that precise moment?

She'd have left me blonder than Madonna

Alright, don't worry, we can sort this out. How much was the shirt?

250 euros

Right, well never mind. You can buy yourself another one

I'm off because I’ve got a date

What? Say something to him Fernando!

Look, maybe it's best if I buy you a new shirt

Hello Mrs President

Hello, what's wrong?

Nothing

About time, sweetheart.

What's this all about?

Nothing. Just a little friction from living together

Concha poured bleach on my shirt from her balcony

Do something about it!

What do you want me to do? That's your problem

Oh so we've got a psycho in the building and it's my problem

The only psycho round here is her

expecting us to pay 200 euros in building maintenance

What's she talking about?

Señora, can you come out for a second please?

No, no, no, that guy there terrifies me. He might try and hurt me

Look Lucia, I'm off

Looks like this is all getting too much for you, sweetheart

Oh by the way, where do you have to put the dog poo?

Wherever the hell you want. She's driving me insane with the bloody dog poo

See? None of this happened when Juan was President. Bye

Alright

What's up? Have you got the hump with me too?

Me? Why would I be annoyed? I love having to sort out shit

Just as well cos since we came here that's the only thing I've been doing

It's not the only thing you’ve been doing! You've been making problems about everything

I told you, don't be President, it's a drag. Didn't I tell you that?

Yeah but I thought the neighbours were gonna be a bit more supportive

All neighbours are shit. That's why people with money buy a house in the country

Yeah but what do you want me to do? I've promised to do it now

Well say no. Ignore them. It's easy, just cancel tomorrow's meeting

Yeah but I can't. Besides, they're not gonna get the better of me

Ok, fine, brilliant, I'm leaving then.

Choose. It's either the neighbours or me

Excuse me, can I talk to you for a second?

Yes, yes, of course

It's my dad. He doesn't know what to do with himself anymore

Today he rented Little Mermaid and he wanted us all to watch it together

He keeps giving my sister talks and taking me to the park

He's become such a pain in the arse

Don't worry about it mate. When you're 30, you'll move in with your girlfriend

then you'll miss your parents

Right, well what's all this got to do with me?

Well when my dad was President, he left us alone to do what we wanted

If you could just let him be President a bit, even if it's just in the afternoons

Please, I'm begging you, be cool

Ok, I'll think about it

Alright. Bye

See you later

Look how bland the colour of their wallpaper is. Some refurbishment!

And with all the noise they made

They haven't even put out any titbits or anything

Hi, welcome everybody

Let's start the emergency meeting

Hold on a second. I want to say my last words as President

Come on! Give us a break!

I resign! That's it

Short and sweet for once

Ok then, let that stand for the record

Right, well what I wanted to say to you is...

What I don't want is to pay for more building maintenance

What you're gonna pay for is my shirt

Hold on a second

I want to say something too

Fuck!

No, listen. I've been working in this building for 7 years

without a contract

without any resources or technology or computer. Without anything

Have I ever complained about it? Well?

When you wouldn't buy me the steam cleaner, what did I do? I kept my mouth shut

even though my back was killing me when I had to mop the floor

Now you're firing me. What a disgrace!

Yeah right! You only bend down when the girl from the third floor goes upstairs in a mini-skirt

And how do you thank me for it? Kicking me out on the street

Calm down, Emilio. Nobody wants to kick you out on the street

I'm the one who's quitting their job

but didn't you want to be President?

Yes but not at any price

What she wants is to be paid

No, the problem is here everyone wants the stairs cleaned up

the walls repainted, the lift fixed, and all that without paying a penny

Yeah, that's just what we want

Finally someone that understands us!

Yeah, well I can't work like that. So that's it, I quit

Well done honey. Come on, let's go home

This is our home

Oh shit, you're right

Come on, everyone out, the meeting's over. Come on!

Hold on a minute. If she's quitting, we'll have to choose another President

I volunteer

What? Come on, enough joking around

Yeah but someone's gonna have to be President, right?

Of course, Doña Paloma

Well, any more volunteers?

Anyone who's not Juan Cuesta?

Come on, please someone volunteer

In this type of situation, by law you have to pull a name out of a hat

and the person whose name comes out has to be President for a year

whether they like it or not

Oh ok, let's do that then, come on

Alright, let's start

I vote for Juan Cuesta

Me too!

Ok me too, it's not like we’ve got a choice

If Bush can be a President, this guy can be a President as well

Working majority! My husband's President!

Señor Juan, we've won!

Thanks thanks

I inform you...

Show a bit of respect, your President is speaking...

Where are you going?

Speak Juan, I'm listening to you

No no no, speeches from the landing, go on

I'll distribute a leaflet with my manifesto. And I want to tell you

I don't bear any grudges towards any of you. And I say that without bitterness

I thought you wanted to fire me

No, of course not

Well? Happy?

Yeah. I bet you did it for me

No, I did it because being President here is the worst thing in the world

Yeah, it's easier to be President of the country

Kids, I need to give you some bad news

I know I promised to take you to the zoo tomorrow

but it's not gonna be possible

because I've been unanimously reelected President

Oh, what a shame Dad

Yeah we were really looking forward to it as well

Well, if it means a lot to you, I can try and fit it in

No, no, no, we wanted to go but don't worry, we'll get over it

Yeah Dad, you devote yourself to the neighbours, they need you

Juan, what great kids we've got

You tell your sister about this next time she says her kids are better

Goodnight kids

Goodnight

We were lucky to get out of that

You should be thanking me. If I hadn't talked with the neighbour upstairs

tomorrow you'd be feeding monkeys

You haven't had a smoke for 4 hours

I bet you're dying to light up a fag

No, what I'm dying to do is wring your neck

In a few years you'll thank me for it, you'll see

Right! But in the meantime, don't come too close to me

Goodnight

Marisa, I can see you!

Well don't look, for fuck's sake

You here again! Would you mind telling me what you're doing in our house?

Collecting the rent which your friend paid me

I shudder to think how she got it

Same here. Alicia!

Did you see that? Tell me you love me

Where did you get the money from then?

Hey, can I empty the wardrobe now?

Yeah, yeah, Belen's gonna get her stuff now

Belen! I'm Nuria. How's it going?

You smell of something, it's like hamburgers or something

What do you expect me to smell of?

It's just that I can't stand meat

Hey, get a move on with the wardrobe, alright?

Who's that?

Our new roommate. How do you like her?

Oh, great. The thing is that's my bedroom

Where am I gonna sleep?

With me in my room

I thought you said you were fed up of sleeping by yourself

Belen!

Coming

I swear I'm gonna get you back for this!

But we're gonna have so much fun

Yeah, I can't wait!

Seriously, I don't get it. 6 families and 500 rubbish bags

Look at the state of the bins

Hey Emilio

Alright Paco, I'll catch you later

Hey man, what are you looking for in the rubbish?

Are you short of food or what?

No Paquito, it's just that this lot are pigs

Look, this one's for glass but it smells of fish

This one's for cardboard but I don't know what they’ve chucked in it

but look, it's dripping something

No wonder the planet's fucked. No forests left, no whales, no eskimos...nothing

Seriously, not much has changed with the new bins

Nothing has changed! Nothing!

Oh well, see you later

Right, see you tomorrow man

Paquito no! What did you chuck in here?

Oh wow, what have we here?

What a nice shirt, I reckon I'll recycle this for myself

Who would have said I was going get a new shirt this week?

The logo's great. So it's true that proverb which says

one man's trash is another man's treasure

It's true you know, all those proverbs are true