Aquí no hay quien viva (2003–2006): Season 1, Episode 17 - Érase un Fin de año - full transcript
This is so exciting! Let's give it to him now!
Yeah because I've got an appointment at the hairdresser's
Emilio, come out here for a second!
What is it?
Every Christmas you moan that nobody ever gives you anything
Well here's a present from all the neighbours!
Oh, what, is this for me?
Wow, it's so big. What is it? A stereo system for my flat?
Come on, open it!
I'm so excited! You really shouldn't have
Be careful with the wrapping paper so we can use it again next year
Hang on, what's this? A hoover?
No Emilio, a steam cleaner! Just what you've always wanted!
You can try it out tomorrow and see how you like it
You can use this to reach all the most difficult corners in the building
and clean them with ease
What fun you're gonna have cleaning with your steam cleaner!
Right sure, thanks a lot
I'm left speechless cos I can't give voice to the words on the tip of my tongue
Oh Juan, he's really touched!
You'll have to give me a loan of it one of these days
Did you keep the receipt?
Just in case I wanna change the colour
Away with you, you must be dying to try it out!
Yeah...ok, happy Christmas everyone!
And mind you don't choke on your grapes tonight
You know how upset that would make me...what nutjobs!
Paquito! Congrats, I heard you're finally working in movies!
Assistant director, the next step's directing
Hey, are there any famous actresses in the film?
No, it's independent cinema, for that the important thing is the story you tell
I don't get why we have to go spend New Year's Eve at your ex-wife's house
I can't stand the woman
It's so that the kids see us together
The school psychologist recommended it
You'll have a great time, her mum's gonna be there too
Oh no, I'm staying then!
Mum!
Emilio, we're going to see in the New Year at my ex-wife's house
Ah how lovely, all the family together even though they can't stand each other
Here, look after the flat for me
and water the plants cos I know what you're like!
Sure, I'll water them for you with my steam cleaner
Huh? - No, happy Christmas
and peace and good will to all mankind
Live long and prosper
Come on mum
I do so miss your father at this time of year
Hey, are those 2 gonna be away?
Because the director desperately needs a place
to film a few scenes from the movie
We could rent him Concha's flat
We can't rent someone else's house, Paquito!
They pay 600 euros a day!
Shit, call him! What are you waiting for?
Hang on, I hope they haven't already found somewhere
Hi Jose Luis
Hi, Paco, assistant director, here
Look, I've found a place to shoot the scenes we're missing
With a beautiful exterior and a charismatic caretaker!
Yeah...no, free right now...by the video store
Ok, alright then, see you in a minute
They're on their way over
What, do they work on New Year's Eve?
Yeah man, this is show business, there aren't bank holidays or anything
Listen, these guys from the cinema are respectable people, aren't they?
Don't worry, I'll be monitoring. Plus, there are some smoking hot girls!
Really? Well in that case it's better if they aren't respectable then
But I thought you were in love with Belén
Oh yeah, that's true, just as well you reminded me
Lucía, sorry but this doesn't look right on me!
Sure it does, honey! You look so handsome
Why do we all have to dress like idiots whenever New Year's Eve comes round?
I don't get it
Babe, how do I look in this?
Wow, I do get it in your case
You look amazing
Really? Are you sure? I don't know, the problem is I don't have any red shoes
Why do we have to get all dressed up just to go to your friend's house?
Because he's bought a flat right in the main square of the city centre
and he told me he's got a surprise for us and we need to look smart
In the main square?
Do you have any idea how much noise there's gonna be there?
Lucía, why don't we just stay at home and relax?
Ok
Alright grandad, we'll just put our feet up here on the sofa
get the blankets out and watch the telly
Seriously, it's like it's compulsory to start the new year
wearing a hat and blowing a party horn
No Roberto, it's nice to start the new year with a party
No, what the new year should be started with is a hangover
Oh, now I know what to wear
Fine, just ignore me
Lucía, I feel ignored! You never take what I want into consideration
Honey, come here and tell me what you think of this see through suit
Coming
60 euros for a New Year's Eve party!
Are the Rolling Stones gonna be livening up the party or something?
Look dad, we've got 2 options
argue until you end up giving me the money or you can just give it to me now
Natalia, you need to tell me about this in advance or there's no way I can make a family budget
Oh and 20 euros for the taxi
No! That's it, no more money!
Ok, well I'll get someone to bring me back on their bike then
I'm at a disadvantage in these negotiations
Thanks a lot, Dad
Emotional manipulation, that's what this is called
What on earth possessed you to eat the grapes? We needed them for tonight!
Look, you're always telling me "you need to eat fruit"
and when I eat it, you have a go at me!
What, aren't there any peaches, apples or pears in this house or something?
Yeah but you have to peel them
What's wrong?
We're out of grapes, Juan
It's New Year's Eve and we're out of grapes because your son's eaten them all
It's not that big deal, we'll just skip taking them
No Juan, that brings bad luck
Or need I remind you what happened the year we didn't take them?
Sorry, just a thought
Have you contemplated the possibility of buying some grapes?
Yeah sure, at this time on December the 31st!
Ok, it doesn't matter, we'll ask Emilio later
He might have some downstairs
That's not a good idea, Dad
Emilio's fridge is like an eco system in itself
It's got endemic species in there
I think they were gonna use it as a setting for Alien Part 5
Quiet you! And we'll be having words about your diet later!
Ok, but let's all just chill out a bit cos it's New Year's Eve
What do you mean they're gay?
Yeah, you pain the ass! It's official
they told all the neighbours
Who was right? - Me
Who was wrong? - You
Look, ok, Mauri's gay
but Fernando's gotta be bisexual
Have you seen how he looks at me?
Well, maybe you look a bit manly to him
What great news to finish the year off with
I think after everything you've done to them, you should go downstairs and apologise
You almost broke up their relationship
Yeah, that's true
Ok, it's a good excuse to go downstairs
Alicia, what are you gonna do? I know what you're like!
I'm gonna apologise!
Why do you always have to think the worst of me?
Because you're one of those people who think Scruples is a Greek island
Hi
Oh look, speaking of apologies
Hi Carlos! How are you?
Would you like something to drink?
No, what I want is an explanation about what happened in the hospital with Emilio
You've been avoiding me
No no, maybe you've got that impression because I haven't answered your calls
but the thing is....I lost my phone a week ago
Oh, it's here! Wow! And it's still got battery!
That's some phone you gave me! I bet I've got tons of missed calls from you
Belén, what the hell's going on?L
Carlos, I get that you're a bit annoyed, I get that
Annoyed! No, I wouldn't say that
It's just that I don't like my girlfriend sleeping with other men
It's just a little thing I have
I'm so confused
I need a bit of time to think and reflect and...
- Are you breaking up with me? - No, no
Because that's what it sounds like - No, I'm just...
Oh my God! You cheat on me and then you break up with me!
No, I just need a bit of time
But that's a eeuphemism - A what?
Look Belén...this has never happened to me before
I've never been dumped before. Never!
Well, apart from Lucía...and a girl at school
But that doesn't count because I had braces!
- You had braces? -Yeah
- Me too! - Really? - really
- I had those metal ones - Yeah, same here!
When they broke, they gave you ulcers
But that's not what we're talking about here!
We're talking about our relationship!
My psychologist told me that what we're going through
could be reallry good for my personality
I fired him but he still might be right
so I'm prepared to give you another opportunity
That's...that's lovely
I know
I promise you that I'll think about it
Because I don't want to make another mistake
Right, because you've already made loads
I'll wait for your phone call
Fernando, this is the best Christmas of my life
We've finally come out of the closet
Now we can be ourselves
without having to lie or pretend
Don't you feel like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders?
I'm gay!
No, I feel exactly the same as I did before
But look how well everyone's taken it
And now we can fit in much better with the neighbours
By the way, I'm gonna throw a little party here this evening
before everyone goes back home for dinner
Wait, what, here? With the neighbours?
Yeah! I'm making all my best dishes
Look, berry salad, buffalo mozzarella with dried tomatoes, red peppers
- Hi! - Hi
- Can I come in for a second? - Of course
I heard that the two of you are gay
It's not a joke, is it? - No
Right well I wanted to tell you something as well
You and Belén are lesbians
- No, no! - Hey, anything's possible
Sure but it's not that. I wanted to say sorry
The thing is I feel kinda bad because before
it might have seemed like I wanted to make you 2 break up
It did seem that way, but it's normal because my man is really hot
How great it feels to able to say that aloud!
Right, well I can go away with a clear conscience now
Hey, I'm making a little buffet for this afternoon. You girls can't miss it
- Alicia! - Yeah
Erm the thing is...I wanted to say sorry to you too
because I might have played along once or twice
because I was confused
No, if you're gay, you're gay
Because you're still gay, right?
Yeah
Ok, see you later
Listen, Alicia's nice
I was wrong about her, she's a nice girl
Yeah but...are you sure the party's a good idea?
Yeah, just wait, you'll have a great time
Emilio, I got you a little role in the film
Youn play the chauffeur and you say this line: "Madam, your car's ready now."
Oh, great! I hope I'll get time to study it
Well, where do we change then?
At the end on the left. Quick girls because we're starting straightaway
See? They're already rushing things
God, this is way better than working in the video store!
Costumes, come on please!
Hey, we're really behind! Where have you been?
- Paco, Paco! - What?
What's this film about? Baby Jesus?
No, look, I didn't want to say anything so as not to worry you
but it's an x-film - What, porn?
Women on the brink of an orgasm attack
For God's sake, man, you could have told me! Do you know much trouble we could get in?
Fuck, no-one needs to find out, Emilio
Anyway, it's only 3 scenes. We'll be done and outta here in no time
I dunno, I can't believe this
Are those 3 girls who just passed by gonna work here live?
Ok, I might stay and watch for a while then
Just to learn about cinema and stuff, though
Sure, I'll tell the director
Ah perfect. Yeah, perfect Paco, I like it
That table's got a lot of potential
Let me introduce you to Emilio. He's the owner of the flat and he's gonna play the chauffeur
Pleased to meet you. Just wait till you see the gang-bang there's gonna be here
You'll wish we never left afterwards!
Hey, will starring in this type of film be good for career?
What career! Anyway, loads of stars started off like this
But will I have to get naked?
No, relax, I won't let you make a fool of yourself
Anyway, do you know how hard it is to be a porn actor?
Well it's not like they have to learn many lines
Look, here's a star
- What's up? - Alright Paco?
Look, where's my dressing room?
At the end on the left
Listen, this is Emilio, the owner of the flat
Rafa Castillejo, porn star, I'll sign you an autograph later
Hey, get me a coffee please because I'm a bit tired today, ok?
And that's a porn star?
But what's he got that I haven't?
You'll see in a minute
Fuck!
Emilio! Emilio!
He's not here
Would you like me to take a message?
Yes...because of a little breakdown in communication at home, we've been left
without any lucky grapes
and naturally as today's the 31st, we need to have them
Well that's a thorny problem, I wouldn't like to be in your place
We thought Emilio might have some extra
Emilio doesn't but I do
I went shopping yesterday and I've got loads
Ah excellent, could you give us a few to have tonight?
Certainly
How many portions are we talking about?
ItWell there are 4 of us
- 12 times 4 is 48 - Right
That'll be 48 euros
Sorry?
It's 1 euro per grape, good luck has to be paid for
Oh my God! How dare he try and charge us for the grapes!
Come on Juan, I'll find them somewhere else
We leave everything to the last minute and then this happens
My feet are killing me! I'm not looking anymore!
Paloma, have you got any extra grapes?
Because there aren't any left at the market
No but this man does
He's charging 1 euro per grape, though
Right, but you'll let us have them for free, right?
Come on Mariano, I'm your girlfriend!
Marisa, don't mix love with business
Surely you can give us a discount for being a big family?
No way
No, Juan, look, let's go upstairs to the snob's flat
she's always got everything, come on!
What do you expect with that fridge she's got?
Ok, well if you need me, you know where I am
No, sorry, we haven't got any grapes
We're opposed to all those absurd ancient traditions
which do nothing other than encourage superstition
and the cultural undervelopment of a country
Never mind then
No, señor Cuesta! I was joking
We do have grapes, Roberto bought a load yesterday
Isn't that right?
Shit, the grapes! That was what I forgot to get
But I put it on the list for you!
Yeah but I left the list at home
Come on Lucía, it's my first year living alone
My mum always used to take care of this stuff
That girl always looks so nice
For goodness sake, doesn't anyone in this building have grapes?
How about having lucky mandarins instead?
I bet in 50 years time everyone else will be doing the same!
Sure, like that's practical!
But it's bad luck not to have the grapes!
The one year we didn't have them I got pregnant with Jose Miguel
Juan got an ulcer and his sister bought her country house. Everything went wrong for us!
Have you asked Fernando and Mauri yet?
They're bound to have some
Come on, let's go downstairs then! We need to get grapes no matter what it takes!
Honey, I think if we bargained with Emilio's dad...
No Juan! Don't be a pain!
What a stupid pilgrimage all for a few grapes!
Are you going as well? I didn't know you were superstitious
I'm not but I didn't have them last year and look at all the shit that's happened to us
Oh that's true, wait Roberto, I'll go with you
So what's porn for you then?
Your vocacion, a family tradition, or what?
Cos you must be making good money from this, right?
Emilio, leave her alone, she doesn't understand, she's Russian
I thought she'd been listening to me for a long time
Come on, let's start filming please!
Let Rafa know and see if he's ready
Come on, let's get out of the way
Holy Mary mother of God!
Ok, let's get this done quickly cos I wanna see in the New Year with my wife, ok?
I wouldn't worry about that, whatever he's carrying won't keep them busy long
Right I'm ready when you are then
Holy shit!
What did I tell you?
That's not normal, it must have silicon or rubber or something in it
It's as natural as life itself
It's perfect, you don't even need to move with that
It must give people at the beach a fright, though
Don't worry, it's a shock at first but then you get used to it
He's gonna think I'm gay cos I can't keep my eyes off it
Of course we've got grapes for tonight
Could you let us have a few?
An unfortunate sequence of events has left us a bit short
Oh, the problem is we've got 2 of those individual jars
that come with the 12 grapes peeled and without the pips
- The ones they're advertising on TV at the moment? - Yeah
Just wait, we'll all have bad luck this coming year!
Come on Paloma, don't exaggerate!
There's no time!
Well I've arranged a little party for all the neighbours before dinner
Wow, finally some good news!
Long life the gays! Have you got wine?
Marisa! Remember what the doctor said to you about drinking!
Come on, let's get a drink!
Mauri, do you like this dress for tonight? You don't, do you?
No, me neither, and to make things worse, Roberto doesn't say anything to me!
- Fuck man! - But I never said a word
- Come on, pour me a drink - Going
See! This is nice
The neighbours socialising in peace and harmony
No, Juan, you go tell Emilio
that if his dad doesn't give us those grapes, we'll kick him out of the building
He'll change his tune before you can say Jack Robinson
Oh, aren't you coming with me?
Juan, we're guests!
I need to see their bathroom to get ideas for when we change ours
What, are we gonna change our bathroom?
Oh Juan, get the grapes for God's sake!
Look at the time!
You can't even get a bit of peace on New Year's Eve
Get going, you're always moaning
Right, there's finger food on the table
- What about drink? - What would you like to drink?
A cuba libre!
Right, everybody's in position now
Show a bit of enthusiasm, guys! This is to bring a bit of joy into people's lives
Quiet now please!
Hey Paquito, I'm the masked fornicator!
Leave that alone!
Action!
Hi baby, how was the office?
I'm exhausted from so much hard work
Well now you've got some lighter work waiting for you - Ssh
Girls, being away from you has been so hard
Well it's about 25 centimetres harder now
- Cut! - Emilio, please!
Get that man out of here cos he's putting me off!
Come on, we're working here, man!
Yeah, sorry, I'll get outta here
cos I've got a sudden urge to go see Belén
Right, may the force be with you!
Emilio, we need to talk for a minute
Oh Señor Juan, how are you?
What's going on in there? Why there's so much noise?
Er...ah as Doña Concha's gone away
she rented the place out for a film shoot
You know what that woman's like about money
How interesting! Are there any famous actors?
No, it's independent cinema, so there's nobody worth seeing
That's good
This community has always been fully committed to culture!
Right, well it's an intimist drama, that's why you can't go in
because the actors get distracted and lose their inspiration
Sure
Emilio, we've got a problem with your dad
We need grapes for tonight and he's got plenty
but he wants to sell us them at an exorbitant price
Do you think that's normal?
No, but I'm used to it, señor Juan
When I was a child, he'd take me to school by car and want to charge me for the ride
It's because of his job, that's part of who he is
Selling stuff's in his blood
Well we can't allow it. Either he comes to his senses and politely gives us the grapes
or else we'll have to kick him out of your flat
Well good luck getting him out of there
because I've been trying for the last 2 weeks and it can't be done
Right, I'm off to see Belén because she's got a problem with a socket
Oh well, I'll just buy them from him. At the end of the day, it just means spending a few more euros
It is Christmas after all!
Hi Emilio
Hi honey, I was thinking we could celebrate New Year a bit early
No, Emilio...Emilio!
We're not doing the same thing all over again!
We need to sit down and discuss our relationship
Right, that's nice, but let's go to the bedroom and let our hearts do the talking
Emilio! Listen to me!
I was talking to Carlos
Oh, I hope you told him we're together and to go take a hike
No, I told him the same thing I'm gonna tell you now
I need time
Time for what?
To get my head straight! The thing is you've both got good qualities
But I thought we were together again
Nah, you just made that up yourself
Look Belèn, I'm going through a terrible time here
You're just using me for sex!
What the...get outta here!
What's going on then? Are we together or not?
What's going on because I'm completely confused!
Quiet Emilio! Don't hassle me!
Listen Belén, I'm like a taxi. If you're not on board with me, I'll switch on the green light
and anyone else who wants a ride can jump in
Come on lovebirds, shall we go to the party? - Yeah, let's go
Ah what so on top of that, you're going out partying!
We're only going to Fernando and Mauri's
Oh well, I'm involved in a film they're shooting in Concha's flat
and I'm warning you there's a very liberal atmosphere
What? Why didn't you tell me they're shooting a film downstairs?
Because it's not your kind of movie
Excuse me, but for a good actress, there's always a role
Yeah but it'll be a role too big for you to handle
I don't care, I wanna meet the director
Alright well, go downstairs if you want. You might like the plot I guess
Ok, you 2 do what you like. I'm off
Be careful and don't drink or you could end in another baby's convertible
Moron!
I worried about that girl, she seems lost to me
Poor thing, she's a mess because it's the first time she's had 2 men chasing her
Mmm it's so good, I won't bother with dinner now
- A bit more wine, Belén? - Go on then
Hey, they're handsome and good in the kitchen
Just our luck that they're gay
Hey, you stole my idea for the old-style sink
I was gonna put in the same - Really?
The thing is I'd say it's missing a bit of gold paint
Sure, we overlooked that
Hey, you're going a bit heavy on the booze, aren't you?
Nah, this is only my third
The thing is tonight I've gotta go to Lucía's friend's house and I don't fancy it at all
And to make things worse, I've gotta wear a suit
Why don't you tell her then?
It's so obvious that you're gay and don't have to deal with women!
You two have got things set up nicely, I bet you don't even have problems in bed
because us guys are always in the mood for sex!
I'll get some ice
See? That's the typical comment we didn't have to hear before
Yeah but that guy's just really stressed, ignore him
The others are behaving really respectfully
Boys, we're so thrilled
You're the first gay friends we've ever had
It's an honour
Listen, me and my sister have a doubt: which of you does the ironing?
Well whoever wants to most, right? - Sure
And how did you realise that you were gay?
Well for me, watching Grease
I realised that I was more into John Travolta than Olivia Newton John
It was the same for me with when I saw Knight Rider and David Hasselhoff
in those jeans, I went "Wow!"
I always say you learn lots from watching TV
Hey, how about putting on some gay music so we can dance a bit?
Right away
They're starting to get on my nerves a bit now
cos in a minute they'll start asking us for some gay cheese and we haven't got any
Are you gonna dance with me?
Grapes! Lucky grapes! Only a few left!
What a rip-off!
Lady, it's Christmas, save the tears till January
Right look, let's not carry on arguing over a few silly grapes
Give me 4 portions
That's the spirit, today's a special day
That'll be 96 euros
96! But this afternoon they were only 48!
Sure, but as the bell chimes get nearer, the price goes up, that's standard stuff
Look, try it to check the quality, go on
No, I'm not trying anything, this is a scam!
Aren't you ashamed to make people pay through the nose like this?
I worked in a bank for 10 years. I lost whatever shame I had there
I'm not paying 100 euros for a few lousy grapes in a million years!
Well, there's a special offer at the moment
For every 4 portions, we're giving away a copy of Kafka's Metamorphosis
with a foreword by Leticia Sabater
a collector's classic
Thanks but I'm not interested
This is a disgrace!
What price do you put on your family's good fortune?
Hey, don't harass me please
You and I are going to reach a reasonable agreement right here and now
about the price of those grapes!
Ok, if we have to haggle, then we'll haggle
Hi, sorry
Emilio, where have you been? We're about to shoot your scene
Go get changed
- That's the director, right? - Yeah but hang on, Alicia!
Hi, my name's Alicia Sanz, I'm an actress and I'd love to take part in the movie
in any way, shape or form, I'll do anything
Oh, well if you're really keen, we could come up with a part for you
You could be a friend of the wife who goes through a crisis with her husband
because he's with both of them
It sounds like a really dramatic role, how do you think I should approach it?
We'll do the approaching ourselves
You get off to the dressing room and get familiar with Rafa
because you've never worked with him before, that way you can get to know each other better
Thanks so much, seriously!
This is the big break I've been looking for
Excuse me
See Paco? There are still people with enthusiasm in this business!
Emilio, you were right, this is such a big role
Emilio's ready now! Let's shoot! Girls, dressing gowns off!
Madam, your car's ready, Madam, your car's ready
They're ready to go, Raúl
Right girls, the 3 of you get it on together
Action!
Madam, your car's...fucking hell!
Emilio, just say your phrase and go!
No, it's perfect, let him stand there watching
He's got a dirty face
See? Listen to the director, he's the one who knows
You're just learning
No, now I've got it! The chauffeur sees them and gets it on with them
What do you mean gets it on?
With all three of them?
What do you say, lad? Do you think you're up to it?
Well, I'm single and fancy-free, and it's been my dream ever since I was young
Well jump in there tiger and get your clothes off
Hey, if it looks like I'm barely carrying anything
later you can fix that with some special effects, right?
Sure! We'll send this on to George Lucas afterwards
What the hell! Who does this guy think he is?
What's wrong now?
This pervert took his clothes off when we were about to rehearse
What were you expecting me to do, invite you out to dinner?
Come on, this is porn!
What do you mean porn? Why didn't you say anything to me!
Well girl, you're always saying you're happy to work your way up from the bottom
Well, are we gonna film or what?
Come on, show a bit of respect here, I need to concentrate
because I'm not a pro
Fuck that stings
Look here my good man, that's not haggling!
Now you're trying to charge for 120 euros for them!
I've made you a 10 percent discount but in the time we've been arguing
the price has risen by 30 percent. You do the maths
I call a halt to these negotiations
You're speculating on a basic necessity
Well housing's a basic necessity too and look at the price of that
You leave me no choice but to convene a special meeting to deal with this issue
and take emergency measures
Ok, well if you bring me more customers, I'll make you a discount
Fuck off!
There's no entrepreneurial spirit in this country
Right then, another price increase
Ok, this one's alright, this suits me
- Oh Carlos! - Fuck
What a fright you gave me!
What are you doing here?
I thought I'd drop by to wish you a Happy Christmas...
- You're looking lovely - Thanks
It's for New Year's Eve, you know - Sure
Well, how are you then?
Fine, great. Well, head over heels in love
I don't know if you know that Belén and I are together
Yeah, I'm really happy for you
Really?
Listen Lucía, you need to understand me
I had to start afresh, I couldn't hang around waiting for you forever
No, sure I get you Carlos. We've talked about it thousands of times
We needed to turn over a new leaf
Right, exactly. Actually, you've turned over a new leaf
I've turned over a new leaf. We're on different trees now
The thing is sometimes the fruit from a tree's so nice that you wanna eat it again and again
whereas with other trees you eat a couple of pieces and that's enough
and then there are trees with fruit you don't wanna eat
but it's like you can't stop yourself eating it
and you can't eat fruit like that
Carlos, I don't follow you
Give me a kiss! Kiss me!
Carlos, please! Keep still!
I thought you were dating Belén!
Yeah I am...she's broken up with me
You all break up with it and I don't get why
because...because I'm handsome and rich
I'm in a bad way
I'm in a really bad way
Carlos, come on, relax...it's done now
I'm gonna die alone!
No you're not
You'll meet someone, you'll see
Stop it Carlos, don't do that!
Alright, alright
When I see that kisses in the neck aren't working, I know it's no use
Right well I'm off. Happy Christmas
And don't worry about me, I'm fine!
Belén! Belén, you haven't called me!
I know you're in there
Just so you know, I'm gonna stay here till you give me an answer
I'm not in any hurry
I'm telling you that Emilio's upstairs acting in a porn film
Sure he is, he's a big star
We've made like 15 or 20 films together
In fact, we got awarded the silver dildo at the Madrid Porn Festival
Suit yourself, don't believe me then!
Alicia! Happy New Year! Come give me a hug!
Hang on a second!
Go outside and get a bit of fresh air, don't take it out on my rug
Hey, I feel so relaxed with you guys, maybe I'm gay too
Let's hope not. go on, sit on the stairs for a bit
- Come with me - Coming
Yeah! Give me a hug, president! You're my heroe
Wow, thanks Roberto
No, not for me thanks
No, none of that either
You're such a lucky bastard, man
I don't know, I'll ask him
Mauri, did you have a thing with this guy from the photo too?
Paloma, that's my brother!
Ok, leave the book alone now!
Alright, relax, everyone knows how easy gays are
This is humiliating
We're like a circus attraction
All we need now is for them to throw peanuts at us
What do you think I'm doing in here? Making my escape
Marisa, quick, come here! Look at them
together in their little love nest
No, seriously, I mean it, it's a miracle
how well you get on with that wife you've got
And your daughter, that's another miracle as well
What about my daughter?
Nothing! Happy New Year!
Ok, enjoy yourself president, have a kiss
- Alright - Bye
Roberto, what's wrong with me?
Ok, look at me
Hey honey, where were you?
You're drunk!
Nah, just a tiny bit tipsy
You always go overboard straightaway
A tiny bit? Just look at yourself and it's only 11.30
Hold on, I thought we agreed that you're supposed to have fun on New Year's Eve
Yeah but after the bell chimes
Come on Lucía, try to understand, I've had such a hard time
the last 4 months what with the neighbours
and your family! And your ex! And my ex!
And not even God's getting an invite to my wedding! Bastards!
Come on Roberto
Bastards! - Shut up now and let's go home
No, I'm gonna go out on the balcony for a second
to get some fresh air and feel better
No, not on the balcony, you'll fall off. Come on, Roberto
Yeah, let me go!
Oh shit, you're so clumsy, girl!
And that dress looked so good on you too
And you're calling me the clumsy one! What a nerve!
Come on, never mind. Go upstairs and lie down
I'll go the party on my own now
No, give me the car keys, you can't drive in your condition
because they'll take your licence away from you and then I'll have to drive you everywhere. Give me them
You can't come with me, you don't even know where you are!
Come on
Hey no, I'm fine, I'll have a coffee and I'll feel better
Shoot! What am I gonna wear now?
Shit, girl, you change your dress more often than Madonna in a concert
Aren't you funny! Come on
Have you hurt yourself?
Oh Juan, without even realising, I've got a bit tipsy
Paloma, no luck
What do you mean no luck? Didn't you get any grapes?
Listen up, can I have a bit of your attention please!
I regret to inform you that the negotiations with Emilio's father have failed
As such, an emergency meeting needs to be held in my house to evaluate the employment of force
What a great idea, a meeting to finish the year off
Come on then! The party's over
But what did Emilio say?
He doesn't care, he's tied up in Concha's flat
which she's rented out to shoot a movie
A movie? Oh Juan, let's pop our heads round the door
- Ok, bye - Bye
- Thanks - Bye - Bye
What?
Don't you 2 prick each other with your beards when you kiss?
Lady, to the meeting!
Come on, are we gonna record or not?
What's going on with that chauffeur? We're gonna be here till next year at this rate!
You've never said a truer word
He'll be ready right away, he's just freshening up
I can't do it Paquito, I dunno what's the matter with me
I'm paralysed, my body won't respond
But look at those girls, Emilio
When have you ever been with a girl like that?
And not with just 1. With 3!
Why do you think I'm paralysed!
Also, I can't stop thinking about Belén
Ok, never mind, I'll tell the director you can't do it
No! Hang on, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
Haven't you got any viagra or vitamin C or something?
Hey, have a cookie
A cookie!
Streaky went crazy for them
Streaky? Oh yeah, that's true
Oh Juan, a movie in the building!
If I hadn't been so young when I had Natalia
I was gonna be a movie star
The thing is it's an intimist drama so they don't let you in
Anyway, there's nobody famous in it
They just say that to keep nosy people away
but we're the leaders of the community
Didn't they send you a copy of the script?
They might have left it in the letter box, I haven't looked
You don't impose yourself enough, Juan!
Now! I'm ready now! Quick, get filming cos I dunno how long it's gonna last
The dressing gown!
Everybody in position. Action!
Your car's ready, Madam, and so am I
so if you like, let's get down to it - Ok tiger
Hi, we're the leaders...
Cut! Who are these 2 now!
Emilio! What the hell are you doing!
Nothing, just learning a bit about cinema
No, actually it's a educational documentary for schools
Emilio, this is a disgrace!
Yeah, for God's sake, those luscious girls in there
just as God brought them into the world, with their large breasts
and those firm buttocks
and I'm the president and you didn't say anything to me!
Watch it Juan!
To kick them out, Paloma, I mean
We need to report Paloma for using her flat for that kind of thing
Absolutely! We'll report her
and request a copy of the movie as evidence for the trial
No Señor Juan, it was our doing
Concha doesn't know anything about it
Paquito got me into it, the smooth talker
That's what you get for going to uni
Do you have any idea how much trouble we could get into if Concha finds out about this!
We'll be done in a second, we only need to film the orgy and clear up
Oh no, no orgies here, Juan! NO ORGIES HERE!
See, I told you
Emilio, what are you doing dressed like that?
I was following the script, Belén, because you said we weren't an item anymore
No, now we really aren't an item!
Listen, I was gonna do it in there with 3 girls and I was thinking about you
That's nice
That's what I miss about having a boyfriend - What a disgrace!
Well, are we gonna have that meeting or what?
Time's getting on, it's almost 12
Alright, alright! So much stress to finish the year off!
Oh Juan, don't get stressed cos it all goes to your bowels
No Emilio, because even though we might not be dating
I'm thinking about it, and if you love me, you've gotta respect me
What so do you respect me then?
Of course I do
What's this then? Your gas tank?
I swear I don't know what he's doing here
Look, you know what, I've had enough of you, I'm going partying
I don't reckon they'll let you in anywhere like that
Oh Belén...we need to talk
Oh God!
Right, let's get this emergency meeting over with quickly
God this meeting is sad
Well in parliament sometimes there's barely a soul there, and they still vote
so not another word on the subject!
The question is whether or not for the good of our community
we should take the grapes away from Mariano by force
Yeah!
Ok fine then! We're all in this together
And you made us come upstairs for that?
The man's an idiot and a waste of space
What's going on then? Are we gonna have the grapes here or not?
Because I can't wait to get to the party
You wait here!
Oh my God, look at how my daughter's gonna go out!
Well wait till you see her mother
You know, maybe you were right after all
and coming out of the closet wasn't such a good idea
What...and you're telling me that now!
With me on the dole and all the neighbours being a pain in the ass
Fernando, we all make mistakes
This must be love because otherwise I can't explain it
- I've just had an idea... - No!
Yeah, listen, let's move to another building
and move back into the closet but right at the back, behind the blankets
Huh?
Go get the coats and let's go out for a drink
It's New Year's Eve
What about the grapes?
I'll pass on that! Last year I had them for the first time
and look at all the crap that's happened to us
Ok, ok
Don't bother waiting for me! What's the point?
Ok honey, I'm ready now
How are you feeling?
Oh ok, you're ready too. Seriously!
In the end, you've got what you wanted
to stay at home and sleep
You've got such a cheek!
Happy New Year darling!
Dad, show a bit of respect, give him the grapes
we've got enough problems as it is
150 euros per portion!
It's quarter to 12 and that's the price!
Those grapes are confiscated as of this moment for the good of the community!
Grab them, Juan, he's smaller than you
Nobody move!
Not another step closer or I'll crush them on the floor!
Back, back! Calm down, Mariano, calm down!
Dad, I'm taking one of your ties
I've got a car outside the front door with a full tank of gas
It's a bluff, ignore him, he won't throw them away
Oh no?
My grandfather was French so I don't have any problem in throwing fruit on the ground
Mariano, you're ruining our relationship
I love you but I've seen a part of you that I didn't know you had
Marisa, that's emotional blackmail
Go on, give us the grapes and show that you're the man I fell in love with
Alright, I'll give up anything for you
Here, Happy New Year everyone
You fell for it, you loser!
Come on, we've got the grapes now, let's go
No way! All your experience and you put your trust in a woman!
Son, I'm a slave to love
Get out, get out!
I say they're definitely fake
They scream silicon at you
Jose Miguel, you can't be here
What, are you denying sex education to a teenager, man?
Yeah!
Yes honey, I'll finish the orgy and head straight home
No, I won't be back in time for the grapes now but...
Come on, switch off the phones!
A bit more lighting over there at the back!
Come on, please!
Why didn't I finish my law degree for God's sake?
Someone plug in that light
Come on Fernando, man, we're waiting
At last we can watch the bell chimes in peace
What happened?
The fuses in the building have blown
Juan, the bell chimes! What time is it?
Señor Cuesta, the power's gone!
You don't say!
Thank goodness I didn't take the lift
Happy New Year everyone, I'm off out
Where are you off to dressed so nice?
To a friend's house, he's holding a party in the main square of the city centre
We'll go with you then because now that we've finally got grapes
we can't miss the bell chimes!
I'm sorry, it's alright with me, Paloma, but my car only fits 2 people
Don't worry, I've got my one parked just here
But has that thing passed its MOT?
What's going on here? Why's there no power?
I thought you were having dinner with your daughter-in-law
Yeah but we had a fight so I left
I'm desperate to get back home for a bit of peace and quiet
Well she's chosen just the right moment to show up!
You're really gonna get it now, señor Juan
Right Paloma, I'll go on ahead and see you there later, honey
Where are you going with the snob!
I'm coming too!
But only 2 people can fit in here, Emilio!
Don't worry, I'll squeeze in beside Señor Juan
Concha, I think they're making a film in your flat
- What! - Yeah
Señor Cuesta, don't quit the premises!
Step on it or we'll miss the bell chimes!
Ok but put your belt on because I don't want any fines
Paquito, Concha's here! Get the hell out of there! Happy New Year!
Come on, let's all go in this one
Where are you going!
Fuck! It won't start and I just got it back from the mechanic!
Follow them, they're getting away!
How? We're not the Flintstones
Well it looks like we're gonna end up having the grapes here
What a mess, seriously! And my Juan out partying with the snob!
Ok, don't worry, I'll put the radio on
Has everyone got grapes?
You need 12, count them carefully
Don't put that on, Mariano! Put on the bell chimes
Yeah, but the thing is I bought this thing second hand and I don't know how to get the tape out
Well, we'll have to do something
Don't exert yourself
because you're pregnant and it's not good for you
I'll make the bell chimes myself
Come on, give me a hand!
Fuck, thanks for your help
Ok, that's not bad
Start the car!
This is so lame, what a way to finish the year!
Yeah because I've got an appointment at the hairdresser's
Emilio, come out here for a second!
What is it?
Every Christmas you moan that nobody ever gives you anything
Well here's a present from all the neighbours!
Oh, what, is this for me?
Wow, it's so big. What is it? A stereo system for my flat?
Come on, open it!
I'm so excited! You really shouldn't have
Be careful with the wrapping paper so we can use it again next year
Hang on, what's this? A hoover?
No Emilio, a steam cleaner! Just what you've always wanted!
You can try it out tomorrow and see how you like it
You can use this to reach all the most difficult corners in the building
and clean them with ease
What fun you're gonna have cleaning with your steam cleaner!
Right sure, thanks a lot
I'm left speechless cos I can't give voice to the words on the tip of my tongue
Oh Juan, he's really touched!
You'll have to give me a loan of it one of these days
Did you keep the receipt?
Just in case I wanna change the colour
Away with you, you must be dying to try it out!
Yeah...ok, happy Christmas everyone!
And mind you don't choke on your grapes tonight
You know how upset that would make me...what nutjobs!
Paquito! Congrats, I heard you're finally working in movies!
Assistant director, the next step's directing
Hey, are there any famous actresses in the film?
No, it's independent cinema, for that the important thing is the story you tell
I don't get why we have to go spend New Year's Eve at your ex-wife's house
I can't stand the woman
It's so that the kids see us together
The school psychologist recommended it
You'll have a great time, her mum's gonna be there too
Oh no, I'm staying then!
Mum!
Emilio, we're going to see in the New Year at my ex-wife's house
Ah how lovely, all the family together even though they can't stand each other
Here, look after the flat for me
and water the plants cos I know what you're like!
Sure, I'll water them for you with my steam cleaner
Huh? - No, happy Christmas
and peace and good will to all mankind
Live long and prosper
Come on mum
I do so miss your father at this time of year
Hey, are those 2 gonna be away?
Because the director desperately needs a place
to film a few scenes from the movie
We could rent him Concha's flat
We can't rent someone else's house, Paquito!
They pay 600 euros a day!
Shit, call him! What are you waiting for?
Hang on, I hope they haven't already found somewhere
Hi Jose Luis
Hi, Paco, assistant director, here
Look, I've found a place to shoot the scenes we're missing
With a beautiful exterior and a charismatic caretaker!
Yeah...no, free right now...by the video store
Ok, alright then, see you in a minute
They're on their way over
What, do they work on New Year's Eve?
Yeah man, this is show business, there aren't bank holidays or anything
Listen, these guys from the cinema are respectable people, aren't they?
Don't worry, I'll be monitoring. Plus, there are some smoking hot girls!
Really? Well in that case it's better if they aren't respectable then
But I thought you were in love with Belén
Oh yeah, that's true, just as well you reminded me
Lucía, sorry but this doesn't look right on me!
Sure it does, honey! You look so handsome
Why do we all have to dress like idiots whenever New Year's Eve comes round?
I don't get it
Babe, how do I look in this?
Wow, I do get it in your case
You look amazing
Really? Are you sure? I don't know, the problem is I don't have any red shoes
Why do we have to get all dressed up just to go to your friend's house?
Because he's bought a flat right in the main square of the city centre
and he told me he's got a surprise for us and we need to look smart
In the main square?
Do you have any idea how much noise there's gonna be there?
Lucía, why don't we just stay at home and relax?
Ok
Alright grandad, we'll just put our feet up here on the sofa
get the blankets out and watch the telly
Seriously, it's like it's compulsory to start the new year
wearing a hat and blowing a party horn
No Roberto, it's nice to start the new year with a party
No, what the new year should be started with is a hangover
Oh, now I know what to wear
Fine, just ignore me
Lucía, I feel ignored! You never take what I want into consideration
Honey, come here and tell me what you think of this see through suit
Coming
60 euros for a New Year's Eve party!
Are the Rolling Stones gonna be livening up the party or something?
Look dad, we've got 2 options
argue until you end up giving me the money or you can just give it to me now
Natalia, you need to tell me about this in advance or there's no way I can make a family budget
Oh and 20 euros for the taxi
No! That's it, no more money!
Ok, well I'll get someone to bring me back on their bike then
I'm at a disadvantage in these negotiations
Thanks a lot, Dad
Emotional manipulation, that's what this is called
What on earth possessed you to eat the grapes? We needed them for tonight!
Look, you're always telling me "you need to eat fruit"
and when I eat it, you have a go at me!
What, aren't there any peaches, apples or pears in this house or something?
Yeah but you have to peel them
What's wrong?
We're out of grapes, Juan
It's New Year's Eve and we're out of grapes because your son's eaten them all
It's not that big deal, we'll just skip taking them
No Juan, that brings bad luck
Or need I remind you what happened the year we didn't take them?
Sorry, just a thought
Have you contemplated the possibility of buying some grapes?
Yeah sure, at this time on December the 31st!
Ok, it doesn't matter, we'll ask Emilio later
He might have some downstairs
That's not a good idea, Dad
Emilio's fridge is like an eco system in itself
It's got endemic species in there
I think they were gonna use it as a setting for Alien Part 5
Quiet you! And we'll be having words about your diet later!
Ok, but let's all just chill out a bit cos it's New Year's Eve
What do you mean they're gay?
Yeah, you pain the ass! It's official
they told all the neighbours
Who was right? - Me
Who was wrong? - You
Look, ok, Mauri's gay
but Fernando's gotta be bisexual
Have you seen how he looks at me?
Well, maybe you look a bit manly to him
What great news to finish the year off with
I think after everything you've done to them, you should go downstairs and apologise
You almost broke up their relationship
Yeah, that's true
Ok, it's a good excuse to go downstairs
Alicia, what are you gonna do? I know what you're like!
I'm gonna apologise!
Why do you always have to think the worst of me?
Because you're one of those people who think Scruples is a Greek island
Hi
Oh look, speaking of apologies
Hi Carlos! How are you?
Would you like something to drink?
No, what I want is an explanation about what happened in the hospital with Emilio
You've been avoiding me
No no, maybe you've got that impression because I haven't answered your calls
but the thing is....I lost my phone a week ago
Oh, it's here! Wow! And it's still got battery!
That's some phone you gave me! I bet I've got tons of missed calls from you
Belén, what the hell's going on?L
Carlos, I get that you're a bit annoyed, I get that
Annoyed! No, I wouldn't say that
It's just that I don't like my girlfriend sleeping with other men
It's just a little thing I have
I'm so confused
I need a bit of time to think and reflect and...
- Are you breaking up with me? - No, no
Because that's what it sounds like - No, I'm just...
Oh my God! You cheat on me and then you break up with me!
No, I just need a bit of time
But that's a eeuphemism - A what?
Look Belén...this has never happened to me before
I've never been dumped before. Never!
Well, apart from Lucía...and a girl at school
But that doesn't count because I had braces!
- You had braces? -Yeah
- Me too! - Really? - really
- I had those metal ones - Yeah, same here!
When they broke, they gave you ulcers
But that's not what we're talking about here!
We're talking about our relationship!
My psychologist told me that what we're going through
could be reallry good for my personality
I fired him but he still might be right
so I'm prepared to give you another opportunity
That's...that's lovely
I know
I promise you that I'll think about it
Because I don't want to make another mistake
Right, because you've already made loads
I'll wait for your phone call
Fernando, this is the best Christmas of my life
We've finally come out of the closet
Now we can be ourselves
without having to lie or pretend
Don't you feel like a weight's been lifted off your shoulders?
I'm gay!
No, I feel exactly the same as I did before
But look how well everyone's taken it
And now we can fit in much better with the neighbours
By the way, I'm gonna throw a little party here this evening
before everyone goes back home for dinner
Wait, what, here? With the neighbours?
Yeah! I'm making all my best dishes
Look, berry salad, buffalo mozzarella with dried tomatoes, red peppers
- Hi! - Hi
- Can I come in for a second? - Of course
I heard that the two of you are gay
It's not a joke, is it? - No
Right well I wanted to tell you something as well
You and Belén are lesbians
- No, no! - Hey, anything's possible
Sure but it's not that. I wanted to say sorry
The thing is I feel kinda bad because before
it might have seemed like I wanted to make you 2 break up
It did seem that way, but it's normal because my man is really hot
How great it feels to able to say that aloud!
Right, well I can go away with a clear conscience now
Hey, I'm making a little buffet for this afternoon. You girls can't miss it
- Alicia! - Yeah
Erm the thing is...I wanted to say sorry to you too
because I might have played along once or twice
because I was confused
No, if you're gay, you're gay
Because you're still gay, right?
Yeah
Ok, see you later
Listen, Alicia's nice
I was wrong about her, she's a nice girl
Yeah but...are you sure the party's a good idea?
Yeah, just wait, you'll have a great time
Emilio, I got you a little role in the film
Youn play the chauffeur and you say this line: "Madam, your car's ready now."
Oh, great! I hope I'll get time to study it
Well, where do we change then?
At the end on the left. Quick girls because we're starting straightaway
See? They're already rushing things
God, this is way better than working in the video store!
Costumes, come on please!
Hey, we're really behind! Where have you been?
- Paco, Paco! - What?
What's this film about? Baby Jesus?
No, look, I didn't want to say anything so as not to worry you
but it's an x-film - What, porn?
Women on the brink of an orgasm attack
For God's sake, man, you could have told me! Do you know much trouble we could get in?
Fuck, no-one needs to find out, Emilio
Anyway, it's only 3 scenes. We'll be done and outta here in no time
I dunno, I can't believe this
Are those 3 girls who just passed by gonna work here live?
Ok, I might stay and watch for a while then
Just to learn about cinema and stuff, though
Sure, I'll tell the director
Ah perfect. Yeah, perfect Paco, I like it
That table's got a lot of potential
Let me introduce you to Emilio. He's the owner of the flat and he's gonna play the chauffeur
Pleased to meet you. Just wait till you see the gang-bang there's gonna be here
You'll wish we never left afterwards!
Hey, will starring in this type of film be good for career?
What career! Anyway, loads of stars started off like this
But will I have to get naked?
No, relax, I won't let you make a fool of yourself
Anyway, do you know how hard it is to be a porn actor?
Well it's not like they have to learn many lines
Look, here's a star
- What's up? - Alright Paco?
Look, where's my dressing room?
At the end on the left
Listen, this is Emilio, the owner of the flat
Rafa Castillejo, porn star, I'll sign you an autograph later
Hey, get me a coffee please because I'm a bit tired today, ok?
And that's a porn star?
But what's he got that I haven't?
You'll see in a minute
Fuck!
Emilio! Emilio!
He's not here
Would you like me to take a message?
Yes...because of a little breakdown in communication at home, we've been left
without any lucky grapes
and naturally as today's the 31st, we need to have them
Well that's a thorny problem, I wouldn't like to be in your place
We thought Emilio might have some extra
Emilio doesn't but I do
I went shopping yesterday and I've got loads
Ah excellent, could you give us a few to have tonight?
Certainly
How many portions are we talking about?
ItWell there are 4 of us
- 12 times 4 is 48 - Right
That'll be 48 euros
Sorry?
It's 1 euro per grape, good luck has to be paid for
Oh my God! How dare he try and charge us for the grapes!
Come on Juan, I'll find them somewhere else
We leave everything to the last minute and then this happens
My feet are killing me! I'm not looking anymore!
Paloma, have you got any extra grapes?
Because there aren't any left at the market
No but this man does
He's charging 1 euro per grape, though
Right, but you'll let us have them for free, right?
Come on Mariano, I'm your girlfriend!
Marisa, don't mix love with business
Surely you can give us a discount for being a big family?
No way
No, Juan, look, let's go upstairs to the snob's flat
she's always got everything, come on!
What do you expect with that fridge she's got?
Ok, well if you need me, you know where I am
No, sorry, we haven't got any grapes
We're opposed to all those absurd ancient traditions
which do nothing other than encourage superstition
and the cultural undervelopment of a country
Never mind then
No, señor Cuesta! I was joking
We do have grapes, Roberto bought a load yesterday
Isn't that right?
Shit, the grapes! That was what I forgot to get
But I put it on the list for you!
Yeah but I left the list at home
Come on Lucía, it's my first year living alone
My mum always used to take care of this stuff
That girl always looks so nice
For goodness sake, doesn't anyone in this building have grapes?
How about having lucky mandarins instead?
I bet in 50 years time everyone else will be doing the same!
Sure, like that's practical!
But it's bad luck not to have the grapes!
The one year we didn't have them I got pregnant with Jose Miguel
Juan got an ulcer and his sister bought her country house. Everything went wrong for us!
Have you asked Fernando and Mauri yet?
They're bound to have some
Come on, let's go downstairs then! We need to get grapes no matter what it takes!
Honey, I think if we bargained with Emilio's dad...
No Juan! Don't be a pain!
What a stupid pilgrimage all for a few grapes!
Are you going as well? I didn't know you were superstitious
I'm not but I didn't have them last year and look at all the shit that's happened to us
Oh that's true, wait Roberto, I'll go with you
So what's porn for you then?
Your vocacion, a family tradition, or what?
Cos you must be making good money from this, right?
Emilio, leave her alone, she doesn't understand, she's Russian
I thought she'd been listening to me for a long time
Come on, let's start filming please!
Let Rafa know and see if he's ready
Come on, let's get out of the way
Holy Mary mother of God!
Ok, let's get this done quickly cos I wanna see in the New Year with my wife, ok?
I wouldn't worry about that, whatever he's carrying won't keep them busy long
Right I'm ready when you are then
Holy shit!
What did I tell you?
That's not normal, it must have silicon or rubber or something in it
It's as natural as life itself
It's perfect, you don't even need to move with that
It must give people at the beach a fright, though
Don't worry, it's a shock at first but then you get used to it
He's gonna think I'm gay cos I can't keep my eyes off it
Of course we've got grapes for tonight
Could you let us have a few?
An unfortunate sequence of events has left us a bit short
Oh, the problem is we've got 2 of those individual jars
that come with the 12 grapes peeled and without the pips
- The ones they're advertising on TV at the moment? - Yeah
Just wait, we'll all have bad luck this coming year!
Come on Paloma, don't exaggerate!
There's no time!
Well I've arranged a little party for all the neighbours before dinner
Wow, finally some good news!
Long life the gays! Have you got wine?
Marisa! Remember what the doctor said to you about drinking!
Come on, let's get a drink!
Mauri, do you like this dress for tonight? You don't, do you?
No, me neither, and to make things worse, Roberto doesn't say anything to me!
- Fuck man! - But I never said a word
- Come on, pour me a drink - Going
See! This is nice
The neighbours socialising in peace and harmony
No, Juan, you go tell Emilio
that if his dad doesn't give us those grapes, we'll kick him out of the building
He'll change his tune before you can say Jack Robinson
Oh, aren't you coming with me?
Juan, we're guests!
I need to see their bathroom to get ideas for when we change ours
What, are we gonna change our bathroom?
Oh Juan, get the grapes for God's sake!
Look at the time!
You can't even get a bit of peace on New Year's Eve
Get going, you're always moaning
Right, there's finger food on the table
- What about drink? - What would you like to drink?
A cuba libre!
Right, everybody's in position now
Show a bit of enthusiasm, guys! This is to bring a bit of joy into people's lives
Quiet now please!
Hey Paquito, I'm the masked fornicator!
Leave that alone!
Action!
Hi baby, how was the office?
I'm exhausted from so much hard work
Well now you've got some lighter work waiting for you - Ssh
Girls, being away from you has been so hard
Well it's about 25 centimetres harder now
- Cut! - Emilio, please!
Get that man out of here cos he's putting me off!
Come on, we're working here, man!
Yeah, sorry, I'll get outta here
cos I've got a sudden urge to go see Belén
Right, may the force be with you!
Emilio, we need to talk for a minute
Oh Señor Juan, how are you?
What's going on in there? Why there's so much noise?
Er...ah as Doña Concha's gone away
she rented the place out for a film shoot
You know what that woman's like about money
How interesting! Are there any famous actors?
No, it's independent cinema, so there's nobody worth seeing
That's good
This community has always been fully committed to culture!
Right, well it's an intimist drama, that's why you can't go in
because the actors get distracted and lose their inspiration
Sure
Emilio, we've got a problem with your dad
We need grapes for tonight and he's got plenty
but he wants to sell us them at an exorbitant price
Do you think that's normal?
No, but I'm used to it, señor Juan
When I was a child, he'd take me to school by car and want to charge me for the ride
It's because of his job, that's part of who he is
Selling stuff's in his blood
Well we can't allow it. Either he comes to his senses and politely gives us the grapes
or else we'll have to kick him out of your flat
Well good luck getting him out of there
because I've been trying for the last 2 weeks and it can't be done
Right, I'm off to see Belén because she's got a problem with a socket
Oh well, I'll just buy them from him. At the end of the day, it just means spending a few more euros
It is Christmas after all!
Hi Emilio
Hi honey, I was thinking we could celebrate New Year a bit early
No, Emilio...Emilio!
We're not doing the same thing all over again!
We need to sit down and discuss our relationship
Right, that's nice, but let's go to the bedroom and let our hearts do the talking
Emilio! Listen to me!
I was talking to Carlos
Oh, I hope you told him we're together and to go take a hike
No, I told him the same thing I'm gonna tell you now
I need time
Time for what?
To get my head straight! The thing is you've both got good qualities
But I thought we were together again
Nah, you just made that up yourself
Look Belèn, I'm going through a terrible time here
You're just using me for sex!
What the...get outta here!
What's going on then? Are we together or not?
What's going on because I'm completely confused!
Quiet Emilio! Don't hassle me!
Listen Belén, I'm like a taxi. If you're not on board with me, I'll switch on the green light
and anyone else who wants a ride can jump in
Come on lovebirds, shall we go to the party? - Yeah, let's go
Ah what so on top of that, you're going out partying!
We're only going to Fernando and Mauri's
Oh well, I'm involved in a film they're shooting in Concha's flat
and I'm warning you there's a very liberal atmosphere
What? Why didn't you tell me they're shooting a film downstairs?
Because it's not your kind of movie
Excuse me, but for a good actress, there's always a role
Yeah but it'll be a role too big for you to handle
I don't care, I wanna meet the director
Alright well, go downstairs if you want. You might like the plot I guess
Ok, you 2 do what you like. I'm off
Be careful and don't drink or you could end in another baby's convertible
Moron!
I worried about that girl, she seems lost to me
Poor thing, she's a mess because it's the first time she's had 2 men chasing her
Mmm it's so good, I won't bother with dinner now
- A bit more wine, Belén? - Go on then
Hey, they're handsome and good in the kitchen
Just our luck that they're gay
Hey, you stole my idea for the old-style sink
I was gonna put in the same - Really?
The thing is I'd say it's missing a bit of gold paint
Sure, we overlooked that
Hey, you're going a bit heavy on the booze, aren't you?
Nah, this is only my third
The thing is tonight I've gotta go to Lucía's friend's house and I don't fancy it at all
And to make things worse, I've gotta wear a suit
Why don't you tell her then?
It's so obvious that you're gay and don't have to deal with women!
You two have got things set up nicely, I bet you don't even have problems in bed
because us guys are always in the mood for sex!
I'll get some ice
See? That's the typical comment we didn't have to hear before
Yeah but that guy's just really stressed, ignore him
The others are behaving really respectfully
Boys, we're so thrilled
You're the first gay friends we've ever had
It's an honour
Listen, me and my sister have a doubt: which of you does the ironing?
Well whoever wants to most, right? - Sure
And how did you realise that you were gay?
Well for me, watching Grease
I realised that I was more into John Travolta than Olivia Newton John
It was the same for me with when I saw Knight Rider and David Hasselhoff
in those jeans, I went "Wow!"
I always say you learn lots from watching TV
Hey, how about putting on some gay music so we can dance a bit?
Right away
They're starting to get on my nerves a bit now
cos in a minute they'll start asking us for some gay cheese and we haven't got any
Are you gonna dance with me?
Grapes! Lucky grapes! Only a few left!
What a rip-off!
Lady, it's Christmas, save the tears till January
Right look, let's not carry on arguing over a few silly grapes
Give me 4 portions
That's the spirit, today's a special day
That'll be 96 euros
96! But this afternoon they were only 48!
Sure, but as the bell chimes get nearer, the price goes up, that's standard stuff
Look, try it to check the quality, go on
No, I'm not trying anything, this is a scam!
Aren't you ashamed to make people pay through the nose like this?
I worked in a bank for 10 years. I lost whatever shame I had there
I'm not paying 100 euros for a few lousy grapes in a million years!
Well, there's a special offer at the moment
For every 4 portions, we're giving away a copy of Kafka's Metamorphosis
with a foreword by Leticia Sabater
a collector's classic
Thanks but I'm not interested
This is a disgrace!
What price do you put on your family's good fortune?
Hey, don't harass me please
You and I are going to reach a reasonable agreement right here and now
about the price of those grapes!
Ok, if we have to haggle, then we'll haggle
Hi, sorry
Emilio, where have you been? We're about to shoot your scene
Go get changed
- That's the director, right? - Yeah but hang on, Alicia!
Hi, my name's Alicia Sanz, I'm an actress and I'd love to take part in the movie
in any way, shape or form, I'll do anything
Oh, well if you're really keen, we could come up with a part for you
You could be a friend of the wife who goes through a crisis with her husband
because he's with both of them
It sounds like a really dramatic role, how do you think I should approach it?
We'll do the approaching ourselves
You get off to the dressing room and get familiar with Rafa
because you've never worked with him before, that way you can get to know each other better
Thanks so much, seriously!
This is the big break I've been looking for
Excuse me
See Paco? There are still people with enthusiasm in this business!
Emilio, you were right, this is such a big role
Emilio's ready now! Let's shoot! Girls, dressing gowns off!
Madam, your car's ready, Madam, your car's ready
They're ready to go, Raúl
Right girls, the 3 of you get it on together
Action!
Madam, your car's...fucking hell!
Emilio, just say your phrase and go!
No, it's perfect, let him stand there watching
He's got a dirty face
See? Listen to the director, he's the one who knows
You're just learning
No, now I've got it! The chauffeur sees them and gets it on with them
What do you mean gets it on?
With all three of them?
What do you say, lad? Do you think you're up to it?
Well, I'm single and fancy-free, and it's been my dream ever since I was young
Well jump in there tiger and get your clothes off
Hey, if it looks like I'm barely carrying anything
later you can fix that with some special effects, right?
Sure! We'll send this on to George Lucas afterwards
What the hell! Who does this guy think he is?
What's wrong now?
This pervert took his clothes off when we were about to rehearse
What were you expecting me to do, invite you out to dinner?
Come on, this is porn!
What do you mean porn? Why didn't you say anything to me!
Well girl, you're always saying you're happy to work your way up from the bottom
Well, are we gonna film or what?
Come on, show a bit of respect here, I need to concentrate
because I'm not a pro
Fuck that stings
Look here my good man, that's not haggling!
Now you're trying to charge for 120 euros for them!
I've made you a 10 percent discount but in the time we've been arguing
the price has risen by 30 percent. You do the maths
I call a halt to these negotiations
You're speculating on a basic necessity
Well housing's a basic necessity too and look at the price of that
You leave me no choice but to convene a special meeting to deal with this issue
and take emergency measures
Ok, well if you bring me more customers, I'll make you a discount
Fuck off!
There's no entrepreneurial spirit in this country
Right then, another price increase
Ok, this one's alright, this suits me
- Oh Carlos! - Fuck
What a fright you gave me!
What are you doing here?
I thought I'd drop by to wish you a Happy Christmas...
- You're looking lovely - Thanks
It's for New Year's Eve, you know - Sure
Well, how are you then?
Fine, great. Well, head over heels in love
I don't know if you know that Belén and I are together
Yeah, I'm really happy for you
Really?
Listen Lucía, you need to understand me
I had to start afresh, I couldn't hang around waiting for you forever
No, sure I get you Carlos. We've talked about it thousands of times
We needed to turn over a new leaf
Right, exactly. Actually, you've turned over a new leaf
I've turned over a new leaf. We're on different trees now
The thing is sometimes the fruit from a tree's so nice that you wanna eat it again and again
whereas with other trees you eat a couple of pieces and that's enough
and then there are trees with fruit you don't wanna eat
but it's like you can't stop yourself eating it
and you can't eat fruit like that
Carlos, I don't follow you
Give me a kiss! Kiss me!
Carlos, please! Keep still!
I thought you were dating Belén!
Yeah I am...she's broken up with me
You all break up with it and I don't get why
because...because I'm handsome and rich
I'm in a bad way
I'm in a really bad way
Carlos, come on, relax...it's done now
I'm gonna die alone!
No you're not
You'll meet someone, you'll see
Stop it Carlos, don't do that!
Alright, alright
When I see that kisses in the neck aren't working, I know it's no use
Right well I'm off. Happy Christmas
And don't worry about me, I'm fine!
Belén! Belén, you haven't called me!
I know you're in there
Just so you know, I'm gonna stay here till you give me an answer
I'm not in any hurry
I'm telling you that Emilio's upstairs acting in a porn film
Sure he is, he's a big star
We've made like 15 or 20 films together
In fact, we got awarded the silver dildo at the Madrid Porn Festival
Suit yourself, don't believe me then!
Alicia! Happy New Year! Come give me a hug!
Hang on a second!
Go outside and get a bit of fresh air, don't take it out on my rug
Hey, I feel so relaxed with you guys, maybe I'm gay too
Let's hope not. go on, sit on the stairs for a bit
- Come with me - Coming
Yeah! Give me a hug, president! You're my heroe
Wow, thanks Roberto
No, not for me thanks
No, none of that either
You're such a lucky bastard, man
I don't know, I'll ask him
Mauri, did you have a thing with this guy from the photo too?
Paloma, that's my brother!
Ok, leave the book alone now!
Alright, relax, everyone knows how easy gays are
This is humiliating
We're like a circus attraction
All we need now is for them to throw peanuts at us
What do you think I'm doing in here? Making my escape
Marisa, quick, come here! Look at them
together in their little love nest
No, seriously, I mean it, it's a miracle
how well you get on with that wife you've got
And your daughter, that's another miracle as well
What about my daughter?
Nothing! Happy New Year!
Ok, enjoy yourself president, have a kiss
- Alright - Bye
Roberto, what's wrong with me?
Ok, look at me
Hey honey, where were you?
You're drunk!
Nah, just a tiny bit tipsy
You always go overboard straightaway
A tiny bit? Just look at yourself and it's only 11.30
Hold on, I thought we agreed that you're supposed to have fun on New Year's Eve
Yeah but after the bell chimes
Come on Lucía, try to understand, I've had such a hard time
the last 4 months what with the neighbours
and your family! And your ex! And my ex!
And not even God's getting an invite to my wedding! Bastards!
Come on Roberto
Bastards! - Shut up now and let's go home
No, I'm gonna go out on the balcony for a second
to get some fresh air and feel better
No, not on the balcony, you'll fall off. Come on, Roberto
Yeah, let me go!
Oh shit, you're so clumsy, girl!
And that dress looked so good on you too
And you're calling me the clumsy one! What a nerve!
Come on, never mind. Go upstairs and lie down
I'll go the party on my own now
No, give me the car keys, you can't drive in your condition
because they'll take your licence away from you and then I'll have to drive you everywhere. Give me them
You can't come with me, you don't even know where you are!
Come on
Hey no, I'm fine, I'll have a coffee and I'll feel better
Shoot! What am I gonna wear now?
Shit, girl, you change your dress more often than Madonna in a concert
Aren't you funny! Come on
Have you hurt yourself?
Oh Juan, without even realising, I've got a bit tipsy
Paloma, no luck
What do you mean no luck? Didn't you get any grapes?
Listen up, can I have a bit of your attention please!
I regret to inform you that the negotiations with Emilio's father have failed
As such, an emergency meeting needs to be held in my house to evaluate the employment of force
What a great idea, a meeting to finish the year off
Come on then! The party's over
But what did Emilio say?
He doesn't care, he's tied up in Concha's flat
which she's rented out to shoot a movie
A movie? Oh Juan, let's pop our heads round the door
- Ok, bye - Bye
- Thanks - Bye - Bye
What?
Don't you 2 prick each other with your beards when you kiss?
Lady, to the meeting!
Come on, are we gonna record or not?
What's going on with that chauffeur? We're gonna be here till next year at this rate!
You've never said a truer word
He'll be ready right away, he's just freshening up
I can't do it Paquito, I dunno what's the matter with me
I'm paralysed, my body won't respond
But look at those girls, Emilio
When have you ever been with a girl like that?
And not with just 1. With 3!
Why do you think I'm paralysed!
Also, I can't stop thinking about Belén
Ok, never mind, I'll tell the director you can't do it
No! Hang on, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity
Haven't you got any viagra or vitamin C or something?
Hey, have a cookie
A cookie!
Streaky went crazy for them
Streaky? Oh yeah, that's true
Oh Juan, a movie in the building!
If I hadn't been so young when I had Natalia
I was gonna be a movie star
The thing is it's an intimist drama so they don't let you in
Anyway, there's nobody famous in it
They just say that to keep nosy people away
but we're the leaders of the community
Didn't they send you a copy of the script?
They might have left it in the letter box, I haven't looked
You don't impose yourself enough, Juan!
Now! I'm ready now! Quick, get filming cos I dunno how long it's gonna last
The dressing gown!
Everybody in position. Action!
Your car's ready, Madam, and so am I
so if you like, let's get down to it - Ok tiger
Hi, we're the leaders...
Cut! Who are these 2 now!
Emilio! What the hell are you doing!
Nothing, just learning a bit about cinema
No, actually it's a educational documentary for schools
Emilio, this is a disgrace!
Yeah, for God's sake, those luscious girls in there
just as God brought them into the world, with their large breasts
and those firm buttocks
and I'm the president and you didn't say anything to me!
Watch it Juan!
To kick them out, Paloma, I mean
We need to report Paloma for using her flat for that kind of thing
Absolutely! We'll report her
and request a copy of the movie as evidence for the trial
No Señor Juan, it was our doing
Concha doesn't know anything about it
Paquito got me into it, the smooth talker
That's what you get for going to uni
Do you have any idea how much trouble we could get into if Concha finds out about this!
We'll be done in a second, we only need to film the orgy and clear up
Oh no, no orgies here, Juan! NO ORGIES HERE!
See, I told you
Emilio, what are you doing dressed like that?
I was following the script, Belén, because you said we weren't an item anymore
No, now we really aren't an item!
Listen, I was gonna do it in there with 3 girls and I was thinking about you
That's nice
That's what I miss about having a boyfriend - What a disgrace!
Well, are we gonna have that meeting or what?
Time's getting on, it's almost 12
Alright, alright! So much stress to finish the year off!
Oh Juan, don't get stressed cos it all goes to your bowels
No Emilio, because even though we might not be dating
I'm thinking about it, and if you love me, you've gotta respect me
What so do you respect me then?
Of course I do
What's this then? Your gas tank?
I swear I don't know what he's doing here
Look, you know what, I've had enough of you, I'm going partying
I don't reckon they'll let you in anywhere like that
Oh Belén...we need to talk
Oh God!
Right, let's get this emergency meeting over with quickly
God this meeting is sad
Well in parliament sometimes there's barely a soul there, and they still vote
so not another word on the subject!
The question is whether or not for the good of our community
we should take the grapes away from Mariano by force
Yeah!
Ok fine then! We're all in this together
And you made us come upstairs for that?
The man's an idiot and a waste of space
What's going on then? Are we gonna have the grapes here or not?
Because I can't wait to get to the party
You wait here!
Oh my God, look at how my daughter's gonna go out!
Well wait till you see her mother
You know, maybe you were right after all
and coming out of the closet wasn't such a good idea
What...and you're telling me that now!
With me on the dole and all the neighbours being a pain in the ass
Fernando, we all make mistakes
This must be love because otherwise I can't explain it
- I've just had an idea... - No!
Yeah, listen, let's move to another building
and move back into the closet but right at the back, behind the blankets
Huh?
Go get the coats and let's go out for a drink
It's New Year's Eve
What about the grapes?
I'll pass on that! Last year I had them for the first time
and look at all the crap that's happened to us
Ok, ok
Don't bother waiting for me! What's the point?
Ok honey, I'm ready now
How are you feeling?
Oh ok, you're ready too. Seriously!
In the end, you've got what you wanted
to stay at home and sleep
You've got such a cheek!
Happy New Year darling!
Dad, show a bit of respect, give him the grapes
we've got enough problems as it is
150 euros per portion!
It's quarter to 12 and that's the price!
Those grapes are confiscated as of this moment for the good of the community!
Grab them, Juan, he's smaller than you
Nobody move!
Not another step closer or I'll crush them on the floor!
Back, back! Calm down, Mariano, calm down!
Dad, I'm taking one of your ties
I've got a car outside the front door with a full tank of gas
It's a bluff, ignore him, he won't throw them away
Oh no?
My grandfather was French so I don't have any problem in throwing fruit on the ground
Mariano, you're ruining our relationship
I love you but I've seen a part of you that I didn't know you had
Marisa, that's emotional blackmail
Go on, give us the grapes and show that you're the man I fell in love with
Alright, I'll give up anything for you
Here, Happy New Year everyone
You fell for it, you loser!
Come on, we've got the grapes now, let's go
No way! All your experience and you put your trust in a woman!
Son, I'm a slave to love
Get out, get out!
I say they're definitely fake
They scream silicon at you
Jose Miguel, you can't be here
What, are you denying sex education to a teenager, man?
Yeah!
Yes honey, I'll finish the orgy and head straight home
No, I won't be back in time for the grapes now but...
Come on, switch off the phones!
A bit more lighting over there at the back!
Come on, please!
Why didn't I finish my law degree for God's sake?
Someone plug in that light
Come on Fernando, man, we're waiting
At last we can watch the bell chimes in peace
What happened?
The fuses in the building have blown
Juan, the bell chimes! What time is it?
Señor Cuesta, the power's gone!
You don't say!
Thank goodness I didn't take the lift
Happy New Year everyone, I'm off out
Where are you off to dressed so nice?
To a friend's house, he's holding a party in the main square of the city centre
We'll go with you then because now that we've finally got grapes
we can't miss the bell chimes!
I'm sorry, it's alright with me, Paloma, but my car only fits 2 people
Don't worry, I've got my one parked just here
But has that thing passed its MOT?
What's going on here? Why's there no power?
I thought you were having dinner with your daughter-in-law
Yeah but we had a fight so I left
I'm desperate to get back home for a bit of peace and quiet
Well she's chosen just the right moment to show up!
You're really gonna get it now, señor Juan
Right Paloma, I'll go on ahead and see you there later, honey
Where are you going with the snob!
I'm coming too!
But only 2 people can fit in here, Emilio!
Don't worry, I'll squeeze in beside Señor Juan
Concha, I think they're making a film in your flat
- What! - Yeah
Señor Cuesta, don't quit the premises!
Step on it or we'll miss the bell chimes!
Ok but put your belt on because I don't want any fines
Paquito, Concha's here! Get the hell out of there! Happy New Year!
Come on, let's all go in this one
Where are you going!
Fuck! It won't start and I just got it back from the mechanic!
Follow them, they're getting away!
How? We're not the Flintstones
Well it looks like we're gonna end up having the grapes here
What a mess, seriously! And my Juan out partying with the snob!
Ok, don't worry, I'll put the radio on
Has everyone got grapes?
You need 12, count them carefully
Don't put that on, Mariano! Put on the bell chimes
Yeah, but the thing is I bought this thing second hand and I don't know how to get the tape out
Well, we'll have to do something
Don't exert yourself
because you're pregnant and it's not good for you
I'll make the bell chimes myself
Come on, give me a hand!
Fuck, thanks for your help
Ok, that's not bad
Start the car!
This is so lame, what a way to finish the year!