Animaniacs (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Soda-pressed/A Starbox Is Born/Royal Flush - full transcript

♪ theme song playing ♪

♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪

♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪



♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪

♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

♪ And ethnically diverse ♪

♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ You should see our new contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

♪ Folding paper crane-ys ♪



♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

♪

- [kids laughing]
- Wow! Busy day on the lot!

Ooh! I wonder if today's
the day Chuck Lorre decides

who gets to be buried
in his pyramid with him.

- [tire screech]
- Ooh, look! It's the Tween Twophy Awards!

[crowd screaming]
[music blasting]

Ooh. Look at how many
of your fans showed up, Dot!

[gasps]
I guess you're gonna win an award!

But I didn't prepare a speech!

Just this long list of people
I've always wanted to thank,

intertwined with humorous yet trenchant
commentary on the state of the world.

- [roller skates clattering]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[crowd cheering continues]

Ladies and...

Who am I kidding? Just ladies.

It's my great obligation
and distinct chore

to present the most important
award of the day:

The Lifetime Achievement Award.

- [cheering]
- Oh my goodness. This must be it!

NORA:
Make some noise for...

GiGi Soda!

GiGi what-now?

[cheering]

♪ pop music ♪

[sparkling]

♪ When I wear my flower, I ♪

♪ I feel like a star ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh, whoa oh oh ♪

♪ Stream my single in,
in your parents' car ♪

♪ Whoa oh oh, hey!
GiGi Soda! ♪

♪ I say yeah, yeah ♪

♪ GiGi Soda! ♪

♪ I say yeah, yeah ♪

♪ GiGi Soda! ♪

♪ I say yeah, yeah ♪

♪ GiGi Soda! ♪

♪ I say yeah, yeah ♪

♪ GiGi Soda! ♪

[fireworks whistling]
[crowd cheering]

Hey, everyone! I'm GiGi Soda,

your favorite celebrity-tween-kidfluencer-
girlduder-with-a-groovy-'tude-er.

[Nora yells]
[crash]

Aw, thanks for this super sweet award,

but the real special treasure
is you guys, my fans!

- [crowd gasps]
- Excuse me. I'ma let you finish,

but Dot Warner is the most influential

- girl-fluencer of all time!
- Yeah!

I'm the one who deserves
this Lifetime Achievement Award!

[grunts]
That kid hasn't done anything

- but steal my look.
- This look is for everyone!

Just like my new line of
sour soda gummies.

[popping]
[crowd screaming]

GiGi Soda has become

the youngest self-made
bajillionaire of all time!

What have you three done recently

to help Warner Brothers make money?

Uh...

We signed up for HBO Max.

Not. Good. Enough.

[screaming]
[crash]

♪

I'm going to show her who's girl-boss
and take back my award!

[rustling]

♪ sneaky music ♪

[air whipping]

[ringing doorbell]

Yoo-hoo! GiGi Soda!

It's me, Wakko Warner,
and I'm here to steal your award.

- [teeth rattling]
- Yah!

[fighting]

[grunting]

♪ elegant music ♪

[sparkles]

[video game zapping]

Look! There's the award!

[zip]

[click, whirring]

[scraping, thud]

♪

[quiet mice squeaking]

♪ dramatic sting ♪

[screaming]

Oh, no. Is it morning already?

Oh, I must've pulled another
all-nighter editing my video.

Huh? Oh... Hey!

You're the three cat-monkeys

who prank bombed
my awards ceremony yesterday.

No, we aren't.

Yes, you are.
I've been editing the video all night.

That kid hasn't done anything
but steal my look!

She's right. You stole my beautiful look,

and now you're trying
to monetize my beautiful words.

[yawn] I'd love to sort this out,

but I've got a branding session at 11:15

and my costume fitting at 11:17.

Although, I might be able to squeeze
you guys in after I'm done filming

So You Think You Can Sing
With a Bag Over Your Head?

Yikes. When do you get to play with all
the cool things in your house?

Or all the cold things in your kitchen!

I can't believe you have
a soft-serve machine.

I can't believe you have
a hard-serve machine!

[popping]

That's just merchandise
I'm developing for work. Speaking of,

I gotta go discuss key performance
indicators in emerging markets.

Oh, I feel bad for GiGi Soda.

She's a kid, but all she does is work!

Maybe it was wrong of us to take this.

Maybe she really deserves it.

Or maybe she deserves to have
three icons of children's television

help her learn how to have
some good, old-fashioned fun.

Ah!
[struggling]

GiGi, can you make sure you're muted?
As I was saying...

[Warners cheering]

[gasps] What are you doing?
I have to get back to my meeting!

No, GiGi. You need to take
a break from working.

For once, just enjoy being a kid
without any responsibilities.

Yeah! What's the point of
a Lifetime Achievement Award

if you have no life?

♪

♪ Have you ever kicked a rotten log ♪

♪

♪ Just to see the bugs within it? ♪

[gags]

♪ You'll never find a four-leaf clover ♪

[scurrying]
[screams]

♪ By adulting every minute ♪

♪ Be a kid! Just relax ♪

♪ Have a catch, play some jacks ♪

♪ Eat some dirt, skip a rock ♪

♪ Draw cool shapes with sidewalk chalk ♪

♪ Be a kid, have some fun ♪

♪ Grab some gummy worms for lunch ♪

♪ Just be a kid! ♪

♪ Be a kid ♪

♪ For once! ♪

♪ Have you ever climbed
the tallest tree? ♪

- [whirring]
- Aah!

♪ Or raced your friends on scooters ♪

[yelling]

♪ You haven't lived
until you've skinned your knee ♪

Ow.

♪ Or eaten wings at-- ♪

GiGi, where have you been?
You missed the meeting

where we decided what age you are!

We landed on 12-teen.

You see what happens
when you're not there?!

Oh. I did? I'm sorry.

No, GiGi. Don't give in!

You've regressed so far today!

Remember:
One step forward, two steps back.

Now, you listen to me, young lady.

If you step out of line,
I've got a six-pack

of GiGi Soda-wannabes
waiting to replace you!

[puppy whimpering]

♪

Then, do it because I'm not coming

to any more meetings
or posting any more videos

or doing any more sponsored content!

It's time for me to be
a normal kid! I quit!

- Way to stand your ground!
- So proud of you!

Yes! Nice going, GiGi!

Enough of this unprofitable
display of genuine emotions!

GiGi, you are getting on
that candy rocket,

and we are blasting you into space

to promote your space content!

Hold on, GiGi.

I have one last thing
to teach you about being a kid.

How to respect your elders.

[rumbling]

No! This rocket isn't
structurally sound!

[roaring]
It's made of candy...!

[screaming fades away]

Sorry I broke into your house
and stole your award.

I guess there is room
in this town for both of us.

You stole my award?!

Yeah, but I realized it was wrong.

And now, I'm giving it back to you.

What is the matter with you?!

You made me eat dirt, look at bugs,

and scrape my knees like a child,

and the whole time, you had my award?!

This isn't just an award!

It's a sub I can smell! [sniffs]

Ah!
It's a like I can lick! [slurps]

It's a follow I can feel!
[shatters]

[maniacal laugh]

[maniacal yell]
[Warners screaming]

[maniacal laugh]

♪ Planet-eating warlords ♪

♪ Legion of Grimlox ♪

♪ Conquest of Earth led by ♪

♪ Dire Commander Starbox ♪

♪ When he finds a planet
where beings are rife ♪

♪ We descend and consume
all the sentient life ♪

♪ When he sends the signal,
we start the invading

♪ Until then,
we're waiting, we're waiting ♪

♪ We're waiting! ♪

[rummaging]

[sings fanfare]
[Starbox struggling]

CINDY: Boom!
[grumbles]

Welcome all, welcome!

For the play! Da-da-dee!
[grunting, groans]

The play is about a man

who went to a overgr-- grown giant jungle.

But, wait! No! He was a ghost! Ooh!
[grunts]

No. You're a man.
This is an adventure play.

[squishing]
So the man must wear his armor.

Yahoo, I'm going to a jungle.
[gasps]

[beeping]
[Starbox laughs]

And he found a temple.

He would be walking

and suddenly trip on a trip-wire...
[wailing]

and then a saw blade would appear.
[struggling]

[groaning]
Whoosh. Oopsie!

And he'd trip on another

and a giant ball would fall.

[grunting]
And he would run and run.

And maybe he'd find a vine.
[choking]

Phew.

He escaped death.

And then he'd get to the treasure room,

and it was overflowing

with gold coins!
[rattling]

[crashing, smashing]

[whispers] Jungles are evil...

[struggling]
Evil I say

'cause they contain...

Monsters!
I mean, animals that can kill you.

And harsh environment that can kill you.

And you can get lost and starve.

[grunts]

[grunting]

♪

[groans]

[air rushing]

Aah!

He's gonna chop down the trees and vines

that are in the way.
But the play is not over.

He needs to go up the mountain.

[beeping]

[grunts]
If you want to get up the mountain,

you have to ride your stallion.

[wailing]

We're going to the mountain! Hurrah!

♪ The fastest stallion ♪

♪ That ever lived,
it raced so fast ♪

♪ That the second fastest horse ♪

♪ Was at the other side of the world
when it crossed... ♪

[beeping]
[excited gasp, laugh]

It was guarded by a jaguar,

a leopard, and cougar.

The leopard almost got him.
[groaning]

But he dodged, and the leopard fell

in a lake full of piranhas.

Chomp chomp chomp chomp chomp...

[Starbox whimpers]
[Cindy giggles]

I forgot we were doing the play.
[yelling]

There was one other person who was there,

and she says, "Welcome.

"Do you know I have magic powers?

Kazam."
[Starbox grumbles]

Now, it's time for the dance.

[wailing]

♪ Romantic, romantic ♪

♪ Lovey, love, love ♪

♪ Romantically love ♪

♪ Love is romantic,
and I think it's neat ♪

♪ Romantic-y romantic-y, hoo-hoo ♪

[gasps]
I love you, and I'll take care of you

and be your friend,

and you don't have to worry anymore.
[happy sighs]

♪

She died.
[church bell tolls]

[sad groan]

♪ foreboding music ♪

[gasps]

[crying]

[demonic laugh]

[screams]

[laughing]

She came back to life!

[grunts]

♪

- The end.
- Ah...

CINDY: Bow. Bow.

I hope you had a good play!

[indistinct singing]
[beep]

[alien babbling]

[beeping]

[zap]
[grunts]

[maniacal laughing]
[beeping]

- Aaaah!
- I've touched a rat tail before.

[window closes]

♪ We're waiting, we're waiting ♪

♪ We're waiting! ♪

[thunder rumbling]

♪ Pinky & the Brain theme ♪

[squeaking]

Gee, Brain,
what do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder]

♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius,
the other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

PINKY: Egad, Brain!
We came all the way to London,

and all I got were these lousy fries.

And I specifically asked for chips.

Well, Pinky, there's a simple
explanation for that.

Here in England, fries are called chips,

and chips are called crisps.

Oh, I get it.

He lied.

Come, Brain.
We must prepare for tomorrow ni--

Quiet, you masticating moron.

We don't want the young British royal,
Prince Barnaby,

and his Australian bride,
the Duchess Abigail,

to see us while we take paparazzi photos.
[horse neighing]

[shutter snapping]
[horse snorts]

Hm...

This is far too romantic.

I know. Who would have thought?

The two of us here,
in a cozy barn together...

There must be a way for me
to create a more pleasing composition.

[loud growl]
[Pinky yelling]

[screams]

Yes! Excellent.
[shutter snaps]

Eat your heart out, Annie Leibovitz.

♪ '60s-style rock music ♪

Wh-whoa! Whoa!

[Abigail screaming]

[shutter snaps]

♪ singing in French ♪

[beeping, whirring]

[screams]

[panting]

[shutter snaps]

♪ French singing continues ♪

♪ Whoa! ♪

Ah... ah-choo!

[music fades out]

ABIGAIL: Barnaby, getting married
to a prince should feel like a dream,

but it's been an absolute nightmare.

[sighs] I feel like
the whole country hates me.

Never mind the tabloids, darling.

I still love you,
and that's all that matters.

That and our many, many castles.

Mm... Like this one!

♪ Rule Britannia playing ♪

Hooray! We're here!
[groaning]

[yelps]
Mummy, I'm home!

♪

Oh, Brain, Abigail seemed a little sad,

don't you think?

By selling those photos
of Abigail to the tabloids,

I have accumulated over £5 million!

Egad! We're going to have to put you
on a strict liquid diet!

Only clam chowder and milkshakes
from now on, my lad.

Once again, Pinky,
your refusal to review

your "English to English"
vocabulary flashcards

jeopardizes the entire mission.

£5 million is the exact amount
of money I need

to enter Prince Barnaby's
secret underground poker game.

♪ jazzy music ♪

Welcome! You must be
the new player, Mr. The Brain!

[seductive foreign accent]:
And I am Couscous.

Israeli Couscous. Narf.

Can we dispense with the pleasantries
and start playing?

I thought you'd never ask!
Let the games begin.

♪

Ooh! Tough hand, Brain.

You're not going to be able
to spell anything with two Q's.

Silence, Pinky.

I need utmost concentration
if I am to trick the prince

into going all in and betting his kingdom.

And when he loses,
I will become heir to the crown,

paving the way for me
to bring back absolute monarchy

and rule England with an iron fist!

Eh... I mean, uh,

pip-pip, cheerio.

♪

But, Brain,
I don't want to stay in England.

We are in its most fancy palace,
and the fries here

are by far the worst ones yet!

Pinky, what have you done?
Those were nearly all my chips!

Ah-ah, no, Brain.
You're thinking of crisps.

[sighs] Pinky,

are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain, but I don't think
he'll deliver the jukebox

because he tore
all three of his shoulders.

No. Here's the turn,

and here's the flop!

[yelling, grunts]

[gasps, crying]

♪

Oh, how come I can
never do anything right?

How come nothing ever goes my way--
[whistling]

[crunch]
[grunting]

[straining]
Can't... breathe... but... want... to.

[laughs] Sorry, dolls!
Didn't see you there.

[woozy]: Oh, it's okay.
I didn't see me there neither.

Say, you're Princess Abigail!

Princess? Bah!

I'm so tired of this drafty old palace.

Back in Australia, I was just
a normal girl breeding polo horses.

[sighs] I sure miss being home.

Here, I feel like
the British press hates me

because they see me as an outsider.

I so know how you feel, Abigail.

I'm also an outsider.

Brain told me to go outside,

and now, here I am! [cries]

An outsider!

[sobbing]

Now, now. Don't spit the dummy, love.

I reckon we could both
use a relax tonight, eh?

Why don't you come with me?
We could explore London together.

Really? [sniffles] You mean it?

Of course!

♪

♪ We could take in the sights ♪

♪ Trendy, slick, and expensive ♪

♪ Tell me, Pinky ♪

♪ Now, when did you last see ♪

♪ The London sky? ♪

♪ We could visit Big Ben ♪

♪ Or Tower Bridge, what a wonder ♪

♪ Then bend over and chunder up ♪

♪ Our steak and kidney pie ♪

♪ Oh, but the food's so bad ♪

♪ It's always dense
and it tastes like glue ♪

♪ Here where the words are lies,
they say chips are fries ♪

♪ And call everything pudding ♪

♪ No, it's not home ♪

♪ They call zucchini "courgettes" ♪

♪ There isn't one single kangaroo ♪

♪ And a "jumper" is a sweater ♪

♪ They tell me all day long ♪

♪ That I don't belong ♪

♪ And now, I have to wonder ♪

♪ If that's true ♪

♪ The weather is awfully cold ♪

♪ And all the museums are boring ♪

♪ In football,
there's not enough scoring ♪

♪ And the drinks are served lukewarm ♪

♪ No, it's not home ♪

♪ It's not the place that we always knew ♪

♪ Here where the lines are queues ♪

♪ And bathrooms are loos ♪

♪ And all trucks are named Laurie ♪

♪ So, let's go home ♪

♪ Does that mean all trucks are girls? ♪

♪ There's nothing much here left to see ♪

♪ So, I guess all cars boys then ♪

♪ I'll buy a souvenir ♪

♪ From this hemisphere ♪

♪ And return to the place ♪

♪ I'm meant to be... ♪

♪ Hee... ♪

BOTH:
♪ And I know that ♪

♪ He'll agree... ♪

Let's see.

So far, I've won half a million in chips,

the deeds to several castles.

If you want a chance to win
your money back, Your Highness,

you'll have to offer up some collateral. Perhaps...

♪ dramatic sting ♪

...your claim to the throne.

Alright. You're on.

[maniacal laughing]
[door opens]

Barnaby! I have something to tell you.

And I have something to tell you, Brain!

BOTH:
I want to go home!

- What?
- But, sugar-lumps...

Yes! [sobs] I'm not happy here!

I'm tired of being a princess.

What can I do to help?

I could offer you this handkerchief...

[blows]

[woozy laugh, grunt]

...soaked in chloroform.

I want you to abdicate the throne

and come back to Australia with me.

We can live a normal life,

breeding horses on
my parents' organic winery

on stolen Aboriginal land.

If that's what you want, then of course!

You're the only thing I care about!

[nervous laugh]
Well this all sounds wonderfully romantic,

but I think we should
finish the game first

and see who wins the claim to the throne.

There's no need
because as of this moment,

I am no longer the prince.

I'm giving up the crown

for my precious Abby-Wabby.

Oh, Barney-warney! [giggling]

You can't do this!

I didn't take all of those
embarrassing honeymoon photos of you

just to have my plan
fall apart at the 23rd hour, GMT!

You!

You're the paparazzi
who took those pictures!

Security!

Oh, dear. Time to rouse
from your slumber, Pinky!

♪

[handle rattling]

Come out! We've got this WC surrounded!

Egad! What's a WC?

Oh, Brain, I'm so tired
of this strange place.

Can I have that hanky again?

Pinky, I'm sorry for ignoring
and incapacitating you, my friend.

Now we can go home together.

Get ready to jump

[flushes toilet]

Whee!

Aaah!

[grunting, gasping]

You know the irony of all this, Pinky?

I had a royal flush. Come, my friend.

We must hail a cab and endure the driver's
long-winded prattle about Brexit

if we are to return to the lab
and prepare for tomorrow night.

Why, Brain?
What are we going to do tomorrow night?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

♪

[ding]

♪