Animaniacs (2020–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - Episode #3.1 - full transcript

RALPH:
Uh, previously on "Aminaminacs"...

Hey, sibs! Remember when
we had our DNA tested?

♪

WARNERS:
Nora!

Ooh! Who's our great-grandmother?

My great-grandmother Flora

- is the greatest businesswoman alive!
- Ah!

Tonight, I will host
a little competition

for all my potential heirs,

and the winner will inherit
my fabulous estate!

You're my best relatives!



You've won my fortune!

I'm sorry, kids, but your DNA results
were switched with...

Ralphonzo!

Look, everyone! He is the spitting image
of my favorite brother, Ralphonzo!

We should do a movie
about flaming meatballs!

Any more of your foolish ideas,
and you'll bankrupt this studio.

Nora! You need to listen
to my long-lost great nephew.

After all, as chairman,
he is your new boss.

So, Ralph runs Warner Bros. now?

♪ theme song playing ♪

♪ It's time for Animaniacs ♪

♪ And we're zany to the max ♪

♪ So just sit back and relax ♪

♪ You'll laugh till you collapse ♪



♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

- ♪ Come join the Warner Brothers ♪
- ♪ And the Warner Sister Dot ♪

♪ Just for fun, we run around
the Warner movie lot ♪

♪ They lock us in the tower
whenever we get caught ♪

♪ But we break loose and then vamoose
and now you know the plot ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ Dot has wit and Yakko yaks ♪

♪ Wakko packs away the snacks ♪

♪ Our careers have made comebacks ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs! ♪

♪ Meet Pinky and the Brain
who want to rule the universe ♪

♪ A brand new cast who tested well
in focus group research ♪

♪ Gender balanced, pronoun neutral ♪

♪ And ethnically diverse ♪

♪ The trolls will say we're so passé,
but we did meta first ♪

♪ We're Animaniacs ♪

♪ You should see our new contracts ♪

♪ We're zany to the max,
there's baloney in our slacks ♪

♪ We're animan-ey, totally insane-y ♪

♪ Excessive spit take-y ♪

♪ Animaniacs! Those are the facts ♪

♪

[beeping]

[evil laugh]

And with a press
of a button, it's sayonara,

marinara!

[evil laugh]

[lights click]

♪ heroic music ♪

Sorry to break up the... sausage party.

VILLAINS:
Meatball Man!

Pasta-la-pizza, gravy.

[yelling]

[spraying]

[panting, yells]

[echoing]
Meatball power!

♪

[panting]

Aah!

[panting, gasps]

[punching]

[grunts]

[groans, grunts]

Question you got to ask yourself is,

do I feel hungry?

[struggling]
Well,

do I, punk?

♪

[Ralph laughing]

Oh, that's really, really...

[laughing]

Da best bit was da meatballs!

I'll make a note of it.

Duh, uh, make a note of
ordering me this here sub

for the premiere.

I haven't had meat since, uh,

well, since I got this job.

So, I've been a really good boy.

One million dollars?!

Oh. One million calories.

The price is...

one million dollars?!

Great Grandma Flora,
tell him he can't do this!

♪

[yowling]

But Nora!

How can I say no to those
big puppy dog jowls?

Oh, give me those jowls.
[squishing]

Aw, mine, mine, mine, mine.

Enough of this nauseating
nepotistic nonsense!

You will fall in line and respect

my beloved brother Ralphonzo!

I-I mean, my great-grandnephew Ralph.

Well, if you want to run
this place into the ground,

then you can do it without me!

I quit!

♪

[meow]

[typing, beep]

♪ dramatic music ♪

[sighs]

♪

[birds chirping]

[panicked panting]

[monkey-like screeching]

Aaah!

[screeching, laughing]

[whirring]

Hey! Who would dare interrupt
our Lord of the Flies bit?

Yeah! I'm Frodo!

Should we tell him?

[screaming]

[chainsaw roaring]

♪

[whirring]

The CEO?

Mrs. Lady?

NORA:
Not anymore!

Officer Nora Rita Norita.

WB Security.

Oh, the new Ralph!

The new Ralph.

Oh! The new Mrs. Man!

It might not be my dream job,

but I'm gonna give it everything I got!

That's the Norita way!

Look, I like your enthusiasm,
I really do.

But if you wanna catch us Warners,
well, you have to wake up

pretty early in the--

[Warners screaming]

[Warners grunt]

[clicking, beep]

♪

Honestly, who wakes up

at 4:30 AM?!

Nora does!

You know...

this really isn't much of a show
when they take away the part

where "we break loose and then vamoose."

Anyone got any bright ideas
how to break out of here?

Ideally, in a way
that parodies classic movies

that's fun for both kids
and their parents.

[ding]

♪

♪ cinematic music ♪

Yay!

- [drone whirring]
- Okay, who ratted me out?

You did. I could see you digging
the entire time.

Hm. I still don't see the connection.

Ah!

[grunts]
[locks clicking]

Boys.
[beep]

[whirring]

♪ action music ♪

[plane zooming]

[jet whirring]

[whirring]

[beeping]

[scream, grunt]

I see your Dark Knight aerial stunt,

and raise you
a Dark Knight Rises aerial stunt.

[screaming, grunts]
[door slams]

It is a worse film in almost every way,

but it is the cooler set piece.

Alright, kids.
If you want to pull off a heist,

you gotta call in... the professional.
[beep]

[phone ringing]

♪ heist music ♪

[typing, beep]

[beeping, buzzing]

[beeping]

[goggles whirring]

[buzzing]

[whip cracks]

♪ music stops ♪

Get them out of my sight.

[click]

♪

[insects chirping]

And now, the plot twist

in literally every heist movie

this studio has ever produced.

[blinking]

[Warners yelling, grunt]

[beeping, clicking]

[beep, click]

♪

[beep, whir]

Now that you're trapped in there
for eternity and all,

[over speaker]
why don't you use this opportunity

to spend some loving,

quality time together?

As a family.

You mean like...
communicating to each other...

[gasps] about our feelings?!

[screaming]

You win! We can't take it anymore!

Please! Let us go!

We'll do anything!

Anything, huh?

♪ dramatic music crescendos ♪

[thunder rumbling]

♪ Pinky & The Brain theme ♪

[squeaking]

Gee, Brain.
What do you wanna do tonight?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the world!

[thunder]

♪

♪ They're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Yes, Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ One is a genius ♪

♪ The other's insane ♪

♪ They're laboratory mice ♪

♪ Their genes have been spliced ♪

♪ They're dinky,
they're Pinky and the Brain ♪

♪ Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain ♪

♪

♪ Three Blind Mice plays] ♪
PINKY: [singing] Pinkys how too!

♪ Pinky's how too! ♪

♪ See how I do! ♪

♪ See how I do! ♪

♪ I like to make videos ♪

♪ I like to make videos... ♪

[screaming]
I really like to make videos!

♪ See how I do ♪

[beep]

[muffled]
Hello, everybody...

[normal]
inside my phone!

Today, we're gonna learn how to...

friendship!

♪ Three Blind Mice on xylophone ♪

And helping me is my BFF

and best friend forever...

Brain!

Pinky, this isn't another
one of your videos

where you expose my world domination plans
to your followers, is it?

[laughs] Don't be silly, Brain!

We can't just do
the same thing every time.

I mean, after two whole seasons,

the fans deserve something
fresh and new. Sorta like...

narf! Poit! Zort! Egad! [laughs]

Oh! Don't forget to smash
that subscribe button.

Now then, the first way to
"how to friendship"

is by making breakfast
for your bestest... friend...

Ooh. [scoffs] Oh, dear.

Try saying that five times fast.

That! That! That! That! I can't do it.

[sighs] That is hard.

Brain!

Your French toast is ready!

This is just a piece of burnt toast

with a bite taken out of it.

Ah, yes. Well, sorry.

I got a little hungry on my way
back from France, didn't I?

I don't have time to dilly-dally, Pinky.

I'm putting the final touches
on the hydraulic system

of my bipedal exoskeleton.

It combines the speed
and agility of the border collie,

the impressively low ground clearance
of the dachshund,

and the strict obedience
of the Labrador retriever.

[whirring]
[robotic barking, panting]

I'll admit, I may have modeled
the latter on the wrong breed.

This suit will allow me to breach

the heretofore impenetrable security
of Brass Mountain...

[Pinky giggling]
...the storage facility in Pennsylvania,

where many of humanity's most
precious documents are kept.

PINKY: [giggling] Oh!
[clicking, beep]

I will infiltrate the facility
and transfer

Charles Dickens' will to my name...
[Pinky making robot noises]

...thus inheriting his enormous estate.
[Pinky laughing]

With the royalties, I shall be able
to fund my latest plan

for world domination, which is--

[Pinky laughing hysterically]

PINKY:
Egad, look at your head! [laughs]

Pinky, are you even listening to me?
[jowls jiggling]

PINKY:
Yes, Chipmunk-Balloon-Brain!

Whatever you squeak--
Oh, I mean say! [laughs]

What are you doing? Give me that phone.

Uh... Oh! Use the promo code

"Chipmunk Brain 11-teen"
for 10% off Brain plushies when--

[bars and tone]

The next way to "how to friendship"

is what I like to call
"random acts of friendship."

Pinky, have you seen
my Brass Mountain blueprints?

Ah!

I need to upload them
into my navigation system.

No... But!

I have a special
friendship present for you.

♪

Wait a minute. Pinky,

what material did you use to make this?

That pretty blue paper from your desk.

It really brings out your eyes,
don't you think?

[goofy giggle]

Pinky,

these are the blueprints
to Brass Mountain!

It took me months to procure
on the black market!

[grunting]

Your photograph is obscuring
my blueprints,

and it's covered in macaroni and glue!

Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

- Bad!
- Okay, Brain, I can see you're upset.

We can talk about it on
the way to the Bass Accountant.

It's the Brass Mountain,
and you're not coming!

What?
But I always come with you on your

"try to take over the world" trips.

We're bestest friends.
BRAIN: Not today.

Your forceful friendshipping
has given me a monumental migraine.

PINKY:
Aw...

- [Pinky yelps]
- I'm going alone!

Consider yourself unfriended, Pinky!

PINKY:
You mean in real life or on Chatstogram?

Both.
[Pinky gasps]

[whirring, thud]

[clicking, whirring]

Ah. Well, you know, um,

sometimes, friends fight.

Uh... But!

I've always found
the best way to apologize

is with a song from the heart!

So, let's head to Brain's music studio

and get started, shall we?

I'm back! Were you scared?

I was! And I liked it! [laughing]

[beep]
[whirring, explosion]

Now, we're here inside
Brain's music studio

to lay down a spicy new apology track,

so I can win back his friendship!

[Brain panting]

What? Wait. [scoffs]

Can't tell anything from this...
[muttering]

And a one! And a two!
And a third number!

♪ electronic beats ♪

[alarm blaring]
[Brain grunting]

♪

♪ Got to get my friend back ♪

♪ He's super mad at me ♪

♪ So I'm making him this song ♪

♪ This is my apology ♪

[banging, whirring]
[Brain grunting, yelling]

BRAIN: Pinky? Pinky, no!

PINKY: [singing]
So, I'm sorry, Brain! ♪

♪ I'm sorry, Brain,
I'm sorry, Brain, please forgive me! ♪

BRAIN:
Pinky! Your inputs are disrupting

the command-pathway flow
of my control unit!

PINKY: [singing]
♪ Be my friend, Brain ♪

♪ Be my friend, Brain,
be my friend, please! ♪

BRAIN:
I, Charles Dickens,

leave my inheritance to...

[laser zaps]
The Brain.

[doors whir]
[sirens blare]

- Oh, dear.
- Drum solo!

♪ drum solo ♪

Narf!

♪ dramatic music ♪

[sirens blaring]

[whirring, hissing]

[slow motion]
No...

♪ child-like music ♪

Pinky, stop forcing me to watch this.

Have I not suffered enough?

Nonetheless,

if your remorseful rat-a-tat
hadn't caused you to hit "eject,"

I would have been ejected
off this mortal coil.

Your complete lack of both music
and motor skills...

saved my life.

Well, that's the power of music, Brain.

But, you also ruined my plan.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ooh! I can make you
another apology song if y--

No! No, no. Heh. One is plenty, Pinky.

Hm. Well, suit yourself.

♪

Oh. Thank you, Pinky.
That's... That's much better.

No problem, friend.
[cracking]

[Brain groaning]
[Pinky giggling]

Mm... Hm?

[gasps] The macaroni photo!

Oh, Brain! You kept it!

- What?
- [sniffs] A random act of friendship.

Oh, I knew you'd learn something
from my "how to friendship" video.

Yes, Pinky. Whatever you say.

Now, let us prepare for tomorrow night.

[crunch] Why, Brain?

What are we gonna do tomorrow night?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Try to take over the-- Ah!

♪

♪

And I think we can make even more movies

that cover the four quadrangles. Like, uh,

uh, a chorizo trilogy!

Jon Hamm plays the bacon,

and Kevin Bacon

plays the ham!

- [shutter snaps]
- Isn't he brilliant?

Oh, with the jowls. Now,

I must ask you all to take your seats

as the premiere is about to--

- [car horn honks]
- [laughs] It's here!

[shutter snaps]

♪

[laughing]
[reporters gasp]

[hiss]

Sir's sandwich.

[shining]

[excited gibberish]

MAN 1:
Hoagie's Hero!

MAN 2: I heard it killed the sandwich
that killed Elvis!

♪

Ah...

Guh?

WARNERS:
Yoink-y! Yoink-y! Yoink-y!

[chomp]

[gasping, groaning]
[mechanical whirring]

[echoing] Meatball power!

♪ heroic music ♪

[tires squeal, zap]

You fools!

I kept him on
an all-vegetable-good-boy's diet

for a reason!

[faux concern]:
Oh, no.

What an unexpected security breach...

♪

[gasps]

[giggles, grunts]
[knuckle crack]

[Warners scream]

[slurp]

Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa-oa!

[rumbling]

[fireworks popping]

[tires screech]

[smash, crash]

[rumbling]

[gasps]

♪ dramatic music ♪

[grunting, struggling]

[Dot grunts]
[jiggling]

Duh...

Question you gotta ask yourself is...

...do I feel hungry?
MEATBALL MAN: Do I feel hungry?

[struggling]

RALPH/MEATBALL MAN:
Well, do I, punk?

- [grunts]
- Huh?

Ah...

[chomp, grunt]

[crowd screaming]

Duh-ah...
[screaming]

Ah...

♪

[thud]

[gasps] Nora!

You saved me!

[splattering]

[chomp, gulp]

Well? How was it?
[inhales]

[loud belch]

FLORA:
Silence!

I have a series of
equilibrium-restoring announcements

to make. [clears throat]

First, my darling Ralphie.

You have the jowls of a Saint Bernard,

but the brain of a Chihuahua.

You're fired.

And Nora... [inhales]

But, not you. You work hard,

no matter the task.

You care about your company.

For that,

you have your old job back.

It's the Norita way.

Woo! Yeah!

In your face, Ralph!

♪ melancholy music ♪

Hey, Ralph. Tell you what.

My first act as CEO

is to promote you to Chief of...

Security Operations and...

Guarding... S-Stuff.

Oh boy!

What an exciting new
vacational opportunity!

♪

Security.

I'm proud of you!

Both of you.
[horse galloping]

- Don't forget our deal.
- We get your old job back,

you'll make everything go back to normal.

[clears throat] Ralph?

Get these things out of here.

Duh, okay!

[Warners laughing]

Everything as it should be!

I could sure use another
million-dollar hoagie!

[laughs] What a start to
a season of TV, huh?

[growls]

[laughter]

♪

♪