Angry Boys (2011): Season 1, Episode 9 - Episode #1.9 - full transcript

DANIEL: Fucking hell, man.
Give it more gas.

DANIEL, VOICEOVER: 'Cause Nath's
deaf and he's a bit retarded,

he can't get his driver's licence.

DANIEL: Just slow on the fucking
clutch, you faggot.

DANIEL, VOICEOVER: And Mum doesn't
want him to,

'cause she reckons he'll stack it.

So, what I've been doing

is I've been teaching Nath
to drive around the farm.

DANIEL: What did I fucking tell you?
Slow out on the clutch.

I'll punch your leg
if you do it again.

Yeah, you stalled it. Good one!



DANIEL: Like, if he gets good at it,

I'm gonna give him what I call
your 'farm P's', which will...

That's gonna allow him
to drive around the farm

without me, on his own.

He hasn't got 'em yet, but...

Yeah, it's just a licence
that I've invented.

Up that way? You looking?

DANIEL: He's actually going
for his farm P's test today.

He's failed it three times already,
so we'll see how he goes today.

Fingers crossed.

Do a doughy!

DANIEL, VOICEOVER: There's a range of
things that are covered.

You gotta do doughies.

Go!



DANIEL, VOICEOVER: You gotta dodge
obstacles.

No!

Fuck you, Daniel!
You're buying me another one!

Do it again!
It's fucking squashed!

DANIEL, VOICEOVER: And then there's
pedestrian awareness.

Nath, go!

Brake, brake, brake!
Mate, you're gonna hit her! Brake!

(Girl screams)
Fucking hell.

I fucking hate you, Daniel!

Jeez, you're a shit driver.

For fuck's sake!

You're not getting your farm P's
for that, dickhead.

DANIEL, VOICEOVER: Oh, it's three
weeks till Nath's farewell party,

till he goes to deaf school.

I'm getting pretty pumped about all
the special guests that are coming.

No, still nothing.

Gran hasn't officially heard back
whether the legends are coming,

but she's pretty confident they will,
and I just got a feeling they will.

Like, I'm pretty sure they will come.

I reckon there's a big tree here,

but that's why they've got,
like, security and shit there,

'cause they don't want any deaf kids
climbing over that.

DANIEL, VOICEOVER:
I've been thinking heaps

about Nath going to deaf school,
and I've come up with an escape plan.

Like, he's gonna go,
but if he hates it,

then I need to escape him
from there, so...

Nath, this is where
I'm gonna meet you.

So, that's the meeting spot there,

'cause according
to the deaf school brochure,

that's got minimal security
on that wing.

So, that'll be the best chance
for me to break in there.

Isn't it just a school, but?

Yeah, but deaf school,
so they've got high security.

What it is is he's gonna text me
the word 'fuckos',

which means that he's hating it and
he wants me to get him out of there,

and then I start the escape plan,
like, that's when I do it.

Like, if he just texted me, like,

'Get me the fuck out of here,'
or something,

then, like, it might get intercepted

and they might, like, bump the
security up or some shit like that.

Nath, what's your code word?
'Fuckos'.

'Fuckos'. Yes. Don't forget.
You should write that down, mate.

Oh, and, Nath, when you actually meet
me there, bring minimal clothes,

'cause, like, we're gonna be
hitchhiking back to Dunt,

so you don't wanna have excess
baggage and shit to carry.

Mmm.

JEN, VOICEOVER: The big day has
finally arrived.

We are at
the Ushi Cola ad campaign shoot.

More here, please. He need that
to stick out at the back there.

That's his iconic look.

Well, Tim, he's very nervous,
but no wonder.

It's one of the biggest ad campaigns
anyone has ever got.

Arggh! Shit!
Shush, please!

There's people trying to work, Tim.

When can I see the script?

Not yet. I need to go over it
with the director.

A few little changes I want to make.

JEN, VOICEOVER: I like to have
a lot of control over the script.

So, I've been working
with the scriptwriter,

make sure that what Tim's saying
is what I want him to say.

Why is that guy practising my stunt?

Uh... don't worry.

Why is he practising my stunt?

Safety reason. You're not actually
going to do the stunt.

What do you mean, I'm not going...

It's the magic of television, Tim.

I want to do my own stunts.
Are you kidding me?

Well, you're not going to.
Why not?

'Cause you don't understand
how this world works...

Well, explain it to me.
It's an illusion, OK?

So, I'm not doing my own stunt...

If I let you do your own stunt,
you hurt yourself...

I'm not gonna hurt myself.
Well, maybe you will.

I told him no stunts.

That's what I want you to look like
at the end of the ad, OK?

I'm not gonna look like that
if I don't do my own stunts.

Well, you will because you're getting
paid $6 million, OK? You will.

So, Tim, your stuntman,
he's going to skate, skate up here.

Tim? Looking, please! Tim!

Up, over.
You're going to crouch down here.

You're going to pop up onto the step,
big jump.

You say your line to the camera, OK?

Come here, Tim. Come here.
I can do this.

Crouch here.
Show me how you do it, then.

I can do my own stunts.

Get down. Crouch down.

When he lands, you jump up, leg over,

and then I want you to end up
up here.

Crouch down, where you say your line
to the camera, OK?

JEN, VOICEOVER: Tim, he can be
a little shit sometime.

So, I have to play
psychological game with him,

and I find the best approach -
what he don't know don't hurt him.

Oil, please.

OK.

Stand still.
What are you doing?

We are oiling you up...
Stand still, please!

Don't make a scene. We oiling you up.
You have to look gay.

I'm wearing a T-shirt anyway.

No, you're going shirtless.
You never told me that.

It's in the contract, Tim -
shirtless.

Now, stop complaining.
You're embarrassing me.

Why didn't you tell me? That's...
I don't want to be shirtless.

You are going to be shirtless.

I don't want to be shirtless.
Stop being stupid.

And stop embarrassing me
in front of the whole crew, OK?

(I don't want to be shirtless.)

Well, too bad, OK.
(This is so dumb.)

We don't always get what we want.

How are you, mate? Good?
Yeah, not bad.

BLAKE: Oh, yeah, it's been a pretty
upsy-downsy week since the shooting.

Packo's still in intensive care,
so it's been pretty scary, and...

Ashley's back inside.

Um, but, yeah, I'm out on bail
till the court case.

Just depends if Ashley
wants to take me down.

Yeah, you know. Alright.

If they say that I'm in on it,

then they reckon
I could get five years jail.

And if Packo dies,
I could get 15 years.

Fuck me.

Oh, this'll be good. This'll be
good. Like old times, mate...

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: Probably worst news

is that Kareena
and the kids have left.

Yeah, things got a bit rough
since the arrest and that,

and heaps of fights and stuff,
so, they shot through,

and I think she's at her sister's
in Sydney.

She won't tell me where she is,
but I think that's where she is.

So, it's been pretty...
Been pretty devo about that.

We've got corn.

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: And my best mate
Hunter's moved in.

Tie me up?

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: We're managing
pretty well

so far with all the domestic shit.

BLAKE: Not that fucking tight!

HUNTER, VOICEOVER: You gotta look
out for your mates, I reckon,

when they're doing it tough.

Should we put water in that?
Nah, just chuck it in like that.

HUNTER, VOICEOVER: You know, like,
before Kareena came along,

and the kids, you know,
before they got together,

it was just me and Blake anyway.

So, you know,
if she doesn't come back,

it won't be such a bad thing
after all, you know?

Well, yeah, it would.

It would for me
'cause I want her to come back.

Oh, yeah.
I don't want to...

I don't wanna live with you.
No, it would definitely be bad.

Like, I like you, mate,

but as a preference, I'd have
Kareena and the kids over you.

Yep.

But I appreciate what you're doing
for me, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

(Laughs) He's got the smallest dick
in the world.

What are you fucksacks
laughing about?

Just naked photos of you when you
were younger. You look like a fag.

Yeah, we know. Fucking old joke. You
get 'em out all the fucking time.

(Laughter)

I'm sick of these shots
being dragged out.

I'm taking 'em!
I'm confiscating these photos.

Stop being a bitch.

Mum, why are there so many naked
photos of me as a kid?

Were you and Dad paedophiles
or something?

Oh, Daniel, you were just so cute
back then.

Tell that to the judge. I've
confiscated the incriminating shots.

I'm keeping 'em!
Daniel, don't you wreck my albums.

Mum.

Oh, look at you, handsome.
Come here.

You look gorgeous.

Is that his deaf school uniform?

Yeah. Cool, eh?

What the fuck are you wearing?
Oh, my God!

Nice uniform, Sergeant Sims.

I thought it was deaf school,
not homosexual school.

Fuck off!
Daniel!

I'm joking!
Well, done!

He's already feeling bad enough...
Well, he looks like a poof!

..as it is without you starting
on him about deaf school...

He looks like a poof. I can't help...
That's all he needs.

Well, look at his uniform. Fuck!

JEN: OK, Tim. Tim! We run your lines.

Please come in, crouch down
behind the stair, please.

You tell your man to do that.
(Speaks Japanese)

Crouch down, please, Tim.

Here we go. Ready.
Action!

He go up, he go over the ramp.
Tim, you jump up!

Up on the stair, and you say,
'Ushi Gay'.

Ushi Gay.
'For the gay inside all of us.'

No way! What the hell?
(Man speaks Japanese)

(Speaks Japanese)
Move, Tim. The product's coming.

Now, when you say your line,
you hold this up to the front, OK?

No! I'm not doing it.

Make sure the Ushi Gay is hold out
to the front of the camera, OK?

Why is it called Ushi Gay?
You told me it was just called Ushi.

Because you're gay, Tim.
It's in the contract, OK?

Why didn't you tell me? This is what
I mean. You never tell me anything!

Tim, it's in the contract, OK?
I'm not doing it! Why is it...

It's a limited edition can
especially for you, OK?

Told you to hold off on the gay
thing. Do what you're told, OK?

I'm not doing it.
Come on, Tim. Don't embarrass me.

OK, sorry about this.
We do one more time.

OK, when you're ready, Tim.

I'm not doing this.

Tim. Tim.

(Door squeaks)
Timothy.

Get back here!
You are in so much trouble!

All these people are here for you!

You lied to me about
the whole gay thing!

I told you to back off on it!
I'm tired of it!

It's work, OK? That's all it is.
It's work, OK?

You don't have to deny being gay,
alright?

I'm not gay!
I know you...

I've never been gay,
and I'm not going to be gay!

OK...
This whole thing was your idea!

Do you know...
I told you to lay off of it!

Do you know how many kids would want
their very own Ushi can, OK?

You got your very own flavour!

Now, don't make me smack you in front
of everyone, 'cause I will.

You're insane!
I will...

You're frickin' insane!

You want to get smacked. OK.
You're getting smacked tonight.

Stupid little shit.

(Knocking at door)

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: Hunter's been
trying to cheer me up,

'cause I've been a bit sad

and a bit upset about Kareena
not being here and that.

Hey!
How you going, buddy?!

HUNTER, VOICEOVER: Well, I thought
some fun and games with the boys

would be good for Blake.

You know, it'd take his mind
off stuff.

Stop him waiting for the phone
to ring, really.

MEN: Blakey! Blakey! Blakey! Blakey!

You know, we just want
to look after Blake, you know.

He's been really good to us,

so if we can do anything to ease
his pain, you know, like, we will.

(Laughter)

HUNTER, VOICEOVER: I did mention to
the guys that, when they come over,

just don't mention Kareena
and the kids and stuff,

'cause he's really
sensitive about it.

(Mobile phone rings)
Oh, shut up! Shut up, guys.

It's my phone. Could be Kareena.

Oh! Hilarious.

(Laughter)

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: The boys really
know how to have fun,

and it keeps your mind off things.

Farts on fire.
I'd be up for lighting farts.

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: You can express
your feelings with your mates

and you can sort of be yourself.

(Blows air)
Good shot.

What is it?
Ten! Ten!

BLAKE, VOICEOVER: We all sort of
have a go at each other

and take the piss out of each other,

and we're into the same shit
and that.

So, you know, you can't really go
wrong, hanging out with these blokes,

and it's sort of, you know, it takes
your mind off your worries.

Hey, there's this thing you can do
when you start crying,

it's called the blink method.

You just blink 50 times when you feel
sad or you wanna cry.

Just start blinking.

By the time you're finished doing
that, then you're not gonna cry.

You're an idiot. You're an idiot.

OK, fart comp. Who's in?
It actually works.

DANIEL: Well, he knows his way
around, though, so...

Like, he would know where he was.
MOTHER: Any luck?

Nah, nah. Did the whole of Edgars
Road, right up to Cherry Swamp.

No sign of him up there.

Well, Nathan's gone missing.

Um, he got really pissed off about me
bagging him about his school uniform.

So, he's just shot through.

Daniel, have you got any ideas?

Nah.
There's no clues in his note either.

'I don't wanna go to fucking deaf
school. Daniel hurt my feelings.

I'm running away forever,
so fuck off. Nathan.'

DANIEL: Nath doesn't normally do shit
like this,

so, yeah, we're all getting
a bit worried

'cause he's been gone
for a while now.

So, what do you reckon?
You reckon he's been here?

BOY: I don't know.

You're the one who said he'd be
down at the dam, probably.

What do you mean? You said you could
fucking read tracks and shit!

Yeah...
What are the tracks telling you?

DANIEL, VOICEOVER: My best mate
Black Daniel, he's an Aborigine

and they're really good at tracking.

Wearing his Nikes, right?
Yeah, I suppose.

Well, he's heading off
in this direction.

What - you can read that shit?
Yep.

Skill, mate.

Nathan!
Nathan!

Do you reckon that's Nathan?

Yep, that's Nathan for sure, man.

So, that's a good clue 'cause that
means we know he's gone this way.

Yeah, for sure.

Man, what's that?
What is it?

Oh, nothing.
What did you think it was?

Oh, just thought it was some
marsupial tracks or something, man.

Oh.

Nathan!

Oh, fuck.
What?

No way!
What?

Those are his shoes, right?
Yeah.

Well, they're going in, man,
but they ain't coming out.

Oh, fuck!
Do you reckon he might be out there?

Yeah, man. Looks like we're gonna
have to dredge it.

Oh, fuck!
That's definitely his shoes.

Yep, that's him for sure.
Shit, man!

Fuck, if he's out there... Oh, fuck!

Mmm, that look good.

Tim, I need you to come over here,
please.

We need to go through these stills
from the photo shoot.

JEN, VOICEOVER: Well, Tim finally
agreed to do the commercial.

I just told the director
that he had diarrhoea,

and that's why he had to run away.

I like this one.

Um, this one good 'cause your back
face the camera.

JEN: Tim is a little funny with me
sometime, like he doesn't trust me,

but I think deep down, Tim know
that I know what's best for him.

Cho, could I get you to take all
of those to the incinerator, please?

Tim, paying attention, please.

You have to help me do this shit.
What is this?

That is just crap.

This letter is addressed to me.
Why didn't you give this to me?

This is all addressed to me.

Why haven't I been getting these?
Why would I give those to you, Tim?

It's just idiotic fanmail
from stupid fans.

Fans are taking the time
to write to me,

and thanks to you,
I'm ignoring them!

Tim, you are very famous.

Uh, I've been getting
a lot of this mail for years,

and I've been incinerating it
as long as I can remember.

They're my fans!

Tim, you read that shit...
They're all psychos.

'Tim, come to my party. Tim, ah,
you're hot. Tim, marry me.'

You don't need the ego boost.
You're up yourself enough as it is.

You're not going to help me.
You're going now, are you?

I have to do it on my own?

For fuck's sake.

Why don't you go beat yourself off,
Tim? You love yourself enough.

Cho, take that downstairs.

You know I have over 500,000 fans
on my website?

Yes.

You wanna know what I told them all
this morning?

What?

That I have a girlfriend
and I'm not gay.

You are gay, Tim.

Her name is Amaya, and we've been
going out for a couple of months.

Who the fuck is that?

This is my girlfriend,
and I'm not gay.

Get that offline!

There's been thousands of views
already. I'm not taking it off.

Shut your fucking mouth.

Everyone's been congratulating me,
Mom.

Get that shit offline, Tim.
You are gay!

I'm not gay.
You are!

And you know it!
You want to ruin your whole career?

Get that shit offline!

You are in big trouble if this true,
Tim.

HUNTER: Don't worry, mate.
She'll come back.

She's just really, really
pissed off, that's all.

Yeah, but what can I do to make sure
I actually get her back?

Like, what can I do to guarantee
I get her back?

This is what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking a couple of things.

One, go back to surfing.

Do the Billabong
Legends of Surfing tour.

Like, I'm shit scared,
but I know she's into it.

Mm-hmm.
She'd love it if I did that.

Two, get the artificial balls,
have the operation.

She don't care about that, mate.
Chicks aren't even into balls.

Yeah, yeah,
she says she doesn't care,

but who's gonna want a husband
without balls, seriously?

Who would?
(Television murmurs)

She's bullshitting
if she says she's not into it.

You could get rid of us boys,
you know, the Mucca Boys.

She doesn't like us.
As if I'm getting rid of you!

No fucking way. It's a lifelong
membership to you guys.

I'm with you, mate.
It's Mucca Boys forever.

What else could you do?

Could dress better, I suppose.
You dress alright.

Nah, Kareena reckons
I dress like a teenager.

Could go a bit more metrosexual.
Bit more like Jesse's style.

Just get a few more, like, V-neck
tees and that, and sort of...

You know,
like those velcro loafers he's got.

Just get all that shit.
Yeah, might suit you.

Become a bit more fashion conscious,
a bit more fashion forward.

I can see you in that shit.

Just wanna get more, like, romantic
and that too.

Like, do romantic shit
around the house again.

R&B and that.

Music, you know, like the shit
that she's into.

Mmm.

Maybe get some flowers and shit
around the house, you know?

Like, get potpourri,
just make it smell nice.

Air fresheners, all that shit.

Oh, yeah, whatever works for you,
mate, really.

Whatever it takes to get her back,
I'd do it.

A new set of balls.
That'd be good, eh?

Mmm.

Nathan, what are you doing in here,
you duffer?

Come on, hop out.

MOTHER, VOICEOVER: Well, the good
news is we found Nathan.

I heard his voice coming from
the cupboard, and he'd been praying.

He does pray every now and again,

but he'd been praying that he didn't
have to go to deaf school.

Daniel and Black Daniel have been
looking for you everywhere.

They've been really worried.

MOTHER, VOICEOVER: He really doesn't
want to go,

and I think he's just going along
with it for our sake.

You're going to rumple your uniform,
getting up in there.

BOY: Yeah, sergeant.
Fuck off.

Shut up.

DANIEL: Yeah, if it wasn't for me,
we wouldn't be here, but.

BLACK DANIEL: You gotta stop blaming
yourself, man.

Yeah, it is my fault, but.

I was teasing him,
and he hates getting teased.

It's not your fault, man.

Nathan's a really weird kid, bro.
You couldn't help that shit.

Oh, fuck! Fucking hell!

What?

Oh, fuck! I thought it was his head.

Oh, shit!

Keep looking.
Alright.

Stupid slut! Look at this bitch!

She's not even good-looking.

Dumb slut.
Keep your hands off my son!

JEN, VOICEOVER: Well, the phone
has been ringing off the hook.

Everyone wants to know
if Tim is not really gay.

Uh, I told them all that
it's a bloody good joke,

that Tim put it online as a joke.

Not many people believe that.

Uh, this thing is getting too big
for me to handle.

I'm going to call Tim again.

JEN, VOICEOVER: Tim has escaped.

He's turned his phone off the hook,

and I think he's probably
with that slut right now.

Message.

JEN, VOICEOVER: Probably got his dick
in her as we speak.

Hi, Tim. It's your mum. Hope you're
having fun with your slut.

Why don't you stop
thinking with your dick for once

and start thinking about the people
in your family that you're hurting,

like your mother?!

Call me back, dickhead!

Fuck!

I don't know how he could do this
to his own mother.

He really fucked me up big-time.

(Mobile phone rings)
Ushi Cola.

Jenny Okazaki.

Ah, yes. Ah, yes, I know.

(Laughs mirthlessly) Ah, yes.

No, I heard it was
a bloody good joke.

JEN, VOICEOVER: I'm going
to write a press release

to say that
Tim is not really straight,

and Bruce and I suggest that I do
a YouTube plea to the fans

to explain the situation.

Ushi Cola are shitting themselves.

They're going to cancel
the fucking campaign

if this shit gets any bigger.

We got a lot of hate coming in.

A lot of people are very mad
that Tim has lied to them.

I'm so pissed off at that little shit
for ruining everything!

Stupid fucking...

JEN, VOICEOVER: I need
to get on top of this thing.

If this thing gets out,
it could ruin everything.

Don't do that! It's just business!
Don't hurt yourself!

Come on! Jen, please!

(Chatter)

Mucca! Mucca! Mucca!
MEN: Oi! Oi! Oi!

HUNTER, VOICEOVER: Well, we heard
from the hospital

Packo's gonna be OK.

He's off the critical list,
so that's really good.

Like, that'll lessen Blake's
sentence if he does end up going in.

Yeah, we just heard.

Yeah, they reckon he might...

He'll recover,

but they still might think I tried
to kill him with Ashley.

He's on the phone to Kareena
at the moment, and...

Um, he's pretty confident
she'll come back.

I'm not so confident.
She's really pissed off.

Nah, listen, listen, babe.
I think I might go back to surfing.

Yeah, yeah, and I think I might get

the artificial balls operation...
for you.

Nah, babe...

Babe, listen, I'm just...

Kareena, please, I'm just...

HUNTER: You know, I mean,
he's gonna have his own kid.

She's got... Well, it's not even
his kid, you know, it's...

The sperm's not even,
um, even Blake's,

so there's no connection there.

I've said I'm sorry
about ten times, babe.

I can't help what happened.

I don't know it'd be such
a great loss if she...

I mean, it'd be a great loss
if she left, but, um...

Just have to see how it goes,
I guess.

Can I get you something -
beer, chips?

Nah, I'm right, mate, thanks. Cheers.

Cool. No worries, huh?
Yeah.

No luck, Mum.
Couldn't find him.

Yeah.

Oh, he's in his room, guys.
Didn't you get my text?

What - he's here?!
Yeah.

Fuck!

Nathan! Fuck, man!
Careful with those muddy clothes!

I can't believe you're alive, dude!
Oh, my God!

Fuck, mate, it's so good to see you!
So good.

Where were you, man? We saw your
tracks down at the dam.

Yeah, we thought we'd lost you, man.
Fuck, Nath, I'm so glad you're here.

I'm sorry for what I said...
BOY: Daniel?

Oh, your uniform looks cool, man.
Daniel!

So sorry!

Before you get too gay about it all,

you might wanna check out
Nath's MySpace.

Why?
He uploaded this album.

It's called
Naked Photos Of My Brother.

(Laughter)
Fucking little shit!

Look at that, man!
Delete it! Take it off!

Fucking delete it. Get if off there!
You fucking little shit!

Look how small his cock is.

(Laughter)

You fucking little faggot!
Delete it! Take it off there!

Fucking delete it right now!
Delete that fucking shit!

Dude, the whole school's
seen it already.

Oh, fucking arsehole!
Small cock. That is small.

S.MOUSE, VOICEOVER: I'm getting
my shit on for my album launch.

Yeah, the resurrection is here!

When you're talking image,
you're talking clothes.

Tight at the bottom
and loose at the top.

Just rock it with the one.
WOMAN: Bam.

You give me directions.
That's the album cover.

Yeah, I wanna kill you, nigga.
That helicopter was the paparazzi.

MAN: Slap my fat gut.

Anyone who believes
that shit

is a mother assfucker.

WOMAN: It's been
a pretty sad day today.

GRAN: Oh, no!

Kerri-Anne,
she was the one.

GRAN: The boys think
Talib's involved.

You fucked Kerri-Anne
before you killed her.

Leave him alone!

GRAN: Well, Talib's got himself two
days of isolation.

Did you want
anything from the wine cellar?

I'll just go get it.

DANIEL: Today's
Mum and Steve's wedding.

Is that straight?

DANIEL: We had to wear suits.

Mum! The suit's too small!
It's dividing my balls!

WOMAN: I ask our best man Nathan
to pass us the ring.

DANIEL: Welcome to the family,
Steve and Farkos.

Me and my mates did the wedding
entertainment.

Mum and Steve, Mum and Steve.

This is Jayden.
Bit of parkour there, mate, yeah.

Talib!

DANIEL: Thanks for getting me
in trouble, dickhead!

Like, it's gonna be so big -
bigger than when Jesus got born.

Closed Captions by CSI