Angry Boys (2011): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript

Use a glass, you faggot.

Don't drink out of the milk bottle.

Fuck off. Fuck off!

Nathan's been a little shit lately.

He's been annoying the fuck
out of me.

Mum, Nath's being a fag.

He's sticking up his rude fingers
and drinking out of the milk bottle.

Daniel, don't always dob on him!

He's such a little brat.

It's 'cause he's going to deaf
school and he can get away with it.

I am not, mate! I fucking walked
in and he did it. I did nothing!



He's fucking doing it now.

If you turn it round,
you'll see...

He'll provoke me to the point where
I get busted for shit that he's done.

It's so fucking unfair.

He's playing all these little
faggy tricks on me and stuff.

Yeah, like piss-funny.

I don't know
why you think it's funny.

It's funny.
He got you good the other day.

He didn't get me the other day.
Yeah, he did.

What's this note about?

'Daniel, meet me in the backyard.
Nathan.'

I don't know what he's doing, love.
What does he want?

Nathan!

It's fucking disgusting,
is what it is.



Where are you?

I get why you would do that
when you're, like, a kid

but when you're a 17-year-old dude,
like, don't piss on your brother.

Why would there be a Crunchie here?

Fucking little shit!
(Laughs)

Fuckwit!
BOY: Piss funny!

(Laughs)
Piss funny.

You're fucking disgusting.

Mum, Nath's just pissed on me!

He doesn't realise, but I'm
getting him back for what he did.

TYSON: What are you going to do?
I haven't worked it out.

It's going to be smart enough

that he's going to hate it
and I'm going to get away with it.

You just wait and see.
I've got to see this.

Well, you will.

£ Theme music

S.MOUSE: Yeah, all you fans,
you niggers, kids out there,

wondering where I am,
I'm still locked up, motherfuckers.

Some of you may have heard
I dumped my label.

I got to change my name now 'cause
the label own that for legal reasons.

And so my new name is S.mouse!
Yeah.

Alright. Cut that shit there.

We have a slight situation
with S.mouse's fan numbers dropping.

Yeah, you shut up. We've been
losing thousands each day.

Listen. Shut the fuck up.
Let me explain the situation.

It seems you go away
for a little while

and your fans,
they start to forget you.

Yeah, we got numbers dropping,
we got numbers dropping a little bit.

But I gotta say, nigger,
this is why I do my shout-out videos.

This is why I do my twittering.

I've been twittering my dick off
lately on my phone.

Whatever comes into my head,
I just twitter that shit.

OK.

'Today I took a dump twice...

..and it's only 10am in the morning.'

Twitter that.

Put this shit
up against the wall here.

Be careful with your
mother's artwork over there, boy.

Yeah, yeah.
You scratch it, you buy it.

I built myself a motherfucking
home recording studio.

Yeah, look at all my shit.

I buyed all this shit.

I buyed the keyboards,
we buyed the speakers,

we buyed this shit.

We got the vocal booth.
This is where I do my rapping.

Yeah, yeah. Can you hear me, yeah?
Fuck, yeah. Fuck you. Fuck.

We got these,
these are the headphones.

He matches these up with his outfit.

Which ones do you think
I'm wearing today?

I'm going to say go with the green.

You're wrong.
I'm going with the white.

Yeah. Uh. Yeah. Oh.

This is Danthony doing
some beating there for me.

He's my producer.
This motherfucker's my producer.

I've been lying about his ability as
a beat-maker, to be honest with you.

I say a lot of shit
to keep him working,

if you know what I'm saying?

And all this, you want to know
what all this is for?

It's my independent album.
It's going to be called The Real Me.

I'm going to be
making all my shit here,

my new music, original music.

Yeah, this is where
it's going to happen.

This is where I'm going
to record this shit, all here.

Yeah, play some beats, motherfucker.
Beat it out, beat out.

Go to the break.

(Horn honks)

(Japanese accent)
Tim? Hurry up, please.

The life
of a skateboarding superstar

is not what it's cracked out to be,
you know?

It's not all fun and games.

Hurry up. When I tell you
to hurry up, hurry up.

When I first brought
Tim over from the USA to Tokyo,

he complained constantly.

He said, 'Oh, I miss my friends,

I miss my school.
I want to go home'.

All this... in my face.

And I said to Tim, 'This is your
new life. You now get used to it'.

Any idiot know that. Wrong.

I homeschool Tim.

Well, can you help me?
I don't get it.

How am I supposed to help someone
who gets that many wrong?

We do five hours of tutor a day,
nonstop, we don't break.

How do you not know that? I knew
that when I was six years old.

0.1 mole of magnesium was added to
100ml of sulfuric acid...

Well, that's easy. That's obvious.

I said to Tim,

'What you can't learn from your
mother, you can't learn anywhere'.

Oh, look. Surprise, surprise.
You didn't finish.

No origami for you. Maths.

Being the mother of a gay son
comes with its own problems.

Statistics has shown
that a lot of young gay teenagers

will commit suicide
because of the shame.

Tim?

You have to be careful to make sure
you encourage them in the right way.

Oh, my God.
Look at the balls on that guy.

And I always say to Tim, 'In this
household, it's OK to be gay'.

Go to your room
if you want to jerk off over it now.

Tim's image drives the company.

Good. Do it again.
More pop this time.

The more competitions he wins,
the more popular he gets.

The talking key rings.

At the moment,
Gaystyle is on the incline.

We have projections
for the next few years,

which means
we're going to make a lot of money.

You press.

(Camp voice)
'I'm gay, skateboarding Gaystyle.'

Gaystyle Enterprises
needs to grow and grow and grow.

Gayness - this is Tim's fragrance.

It's not just about skateboarding,
it's about product, merchandise.

We also have
the curved more cock-shaped... one.

And I really like this one

because you can take the lid off,
like so,

and the perfume comes out
with a squeeze.

Money-wise, Tim is a child so I take
care of the finance side of things.

And we have an arrangement,
when he's 18 he gets a small...

..well, not small,
a large lump sum, 2% of profit,

which he can spend
on whatever he likes.

This is a world-first,
the first ever flavoured shoe.

So you lick the shoe.
This is caramel.

Mmm, caramel shoe.

What's this one?

Sushi. That's a sushi flavour.

What have you got there?
This is the grapefruit.

Mmm.

Lick it, Tim. Come on. Tim?

He does have final say,
creatively, on all product.

I wouldn't do anything
unless Tim was happy.

You like sushi? You like it? No?
I don't like that one.

I like that one. We do that one.
Lychee? You like lychee?

Kids would kill to have
their own lickable shoe range.

SHWAYNE SNR: Shwayne Jr
is on a steady downhill slide.

I mean, the record label
has dropped him,

his fans are turning against him.

I mean, he's a...

(Sighs) He's a bigger loser now
than he ever was, you know?

Quite frankly,

I'm a little embarrassed
to be his father right now.

Yeah, yeah.
You want to hear some of my new shit.

Yeah, this is an exclusive
live performance of my new shit.

This track
is about my 'intellectality',

it's about my mathematical brain,
if you like.

£ One divided by two

£ Equals three divided by four

£ Equals five divided by six

£ Equals my intellectality

£ E = mc2, motherfuckers

£ Einstein-style

£ One divided by two... £

This next song I'm going to do
for you is my political views.

It's about the President
of the United States, Barack Obama.

Play that shit, yeah.

£ Yeah

£ Obama, Obama, what you gonna do?

£ Obama, Obama
Come on, President

£ O-B-A-M-A

£ What you gonna do?

£ O-B... £

My album is going to have
some deep shit, some smooth tracks.

We got a next song,
it's about a lady who got cancer.

She had to remove her breast.
It's a sad song.

It's from the man's perspective.
Play that shit.

£ I still love you, baby

£ Even though you have one tittie

£ I still need you, baby... £

I mean, he's got
no record company input.

There's nobody
telling him what to do.

Does that sound any better to you?

Shit. From what I hear
coming from that living room,

it is a bunch of bullshit, OK?

You do the math on that.

£ Pussy or ass

£ Whatever you choose,
motherfuckers. £

That's your preview for now,
motherfuckers. Out.

KERRY SIMS: The College for the Deaf
in Adelaide,

which is where we're sending Nathan,

have suggested
that we meet with another family

who have a deaf boy that signs.

Daniel,
are you ready for the guests?

Yeah, I'm ready.

They're actually coming out
to the farm to meet with us today.

They're here, Daniel.
Do you know where Nathan is? Nuh.

I think, for Nathan,
it'll just be really good

for him to see another family
communicating using sign language.

So, Sue, has Damien
ever been to a farm before?

Damien's never been to a farm.

'No, I haven't.'

Nathan could take you for a ride
around on the back of his motorbike

to have a look around the farm.

That be great.
That would be great.

Hey, Nath.
Did you want a drink at all, mate?

Do you want me to grab you a drink,
if you're thirsty?

Nuh.

OK. Let me know.

So did it take you long
to learn the signing stuff?

Look, when Damien was born...
(Damien looks like a fag.)

(Laughs) Excuse me.
Daniel, come and sit in here.

Nah. I'm happy up here. You two are
being so rude, sitting back there...

What? I'm listening.
We're listening. ..whispering.

Grow up, Daniel.
I'm listening.

Sorry. Damien makes friends easily,
then, does he?

MOTHER: He's got
a couple of friends, yeah.

That's wonderful.
Yeah.

Get up. Weight check time.

I need to make sure Tim keeps
winning his skate competitions.

Mmm.

That will keep him more popular.

In order to do so,
he has to keep fit.

Someone been a little piggy
this week.

So I have a very strict
training schedule.

He has a habit
of putting on weight very easily.

He got the fat gene off his father,
Yuki.

Yuki can blow up like a balloon
if he's not careful.

20 more kilometres.

I need to be very careful
with Tim and junk food.

He's a junk food addict.

Tim, shut up, please.
I'm on the phone.

The food really drives him.

And I find sometimes
when I do meal skips...

Meal skips are when I skip a meal
in order for weight loss.

I do that every few days,
just a random meal.

You don't know if it's going
to be breakfast, lunch or dinner.

I have to check his bedroom
afterwards

because he sometimes sneaks food
out of my kitchen into his room.

I'm sick of your shit.

I do a lot of my own
exercise techniques on Tim

based on ancient Japanese methods
that I learned from my grandmother.

Now, I want you
to squeeze your bottom cheek in.

Squeeze. Hold. And release.

One method that I've been
using on Tim for weight loss

is called the Fart Method.

I want you down,
facing me, on all-fours.

And bottom up. And out.

And fart.

Fart!

You are required to fart.

You do it just before you go to bed.

Fart out as much fart as you can.

And try your hardest.
Concentrate and fart.

Come on, Tim.

Listening. Fart.

I don't want to have a fat kid.

You never seen
a fat skateboarder before

because you know why?
They can't skate.

Fart, please. Come on.

Tim, please fart.

(Farts)
Good. OK.

Now you not get fat.

£ Three-legged dog
I want a three-legged dog... £

I'm in the recording studio.

This time round,
I'm writing my own shit,

so I can think of any shit I want

and it can become a song,
you know what I'm saying?

I'll just think of shit
and I'll just put it down.

£ Mattress, you mother...

£ Lie on my fucking mattress
Fuck me on the mattress. £

All that shit,
that can become a song.

There's a chorus right there.
You got the hook in there.

£ I really, really, really, really,
really, want a three-legged dog

£ Yeah, yeah. £

You got that shit?

My nigger,
those lyrics are shit, y'all.

Shut the fuck up.
Your beats are shit, motherfucker.

Baby, you never told me
you wanted a three-legged dog.

Baby, I'm kind of concentrating here

and having a discussion
with my engineer.

I don't need input,
if you know what I'm saying?

Sorry for making a comment
on your lyrics.

I'm saying,
we've been together for three months

and you never told me
you wanted a three-legged dog.

Baby, I wanted a three-legged dog
all my life

and I never told you,
'cause I don't tell you all the shit.

You may be my girlfriend,
but you're not my brain.

To be honest, there's been
a little bit of tension in the studio

with the other motherfuckers,
you know what I'm saying?

Danthony and Lesquisha,
they're always at me.

And they've been saying shit like
'Do it better', 'Do it like this'.

And when I'm working, when my brain
is going as fast as it does,

and it goes quite fast,

then, you know, I can't
be distracted with all that shit,

you know what I'm saying?

Baby, when are we
going to do my track?

Baby, no. We're waiting to hear
back from Rihanna about that shit.

I told you.
What?

Don't bring this shit up... You
promised me I can sing on a track.

Lesquisha,
she's a model slash actress,

but she also...
she wants to be a singer.

So she been pushing me, saying,

'S.mouse,
you gotta get me on your album'.

She wants to sing a duet with me,
but, you know...

Motherfuck, she can't sing
that good.

You promised me.
What do you want me to do?

You want me to call Rihanna and say,
'Yeah, you can't sing on my album

because my girlfriend's
going to sing that track'?

No fucking way.
Why the fuck not?

'Cause... I'm your girl, right?
I can fucking sing, right?

To be honest, you're not exactly
Alicia Keys in the vocals department.

Oh, really?
Yeah, that's the truth.

Is that a fact?
Yeah.

£ Well,
what do you call this, then? £

I call that shit.
You call it what?

I call that shit.
OK, you know what?

You say I'm no Alicia keys?
Yeah.

Well, you're not exactly TI in
the looks department, either, buddy.

Seriously, you want me to give up
my one romantic song on the album,

give up the chance
to do a duet with Rihanna...

You're going to fucking call Rihanna

and tell her I'm singing
on the fucking track and that's it.

Which track is she going on? She's
going to sing on My Big Black Balls.

I told you that shit. She's going
to what? That's my favourite track.

And I'm the only one
that touches your big black balls.

Listen, baby... She's not singing
on that motherfucking track.

Give me my lyrics back!
No.

Give me my shit. I need that shit.

This shit is going to go down
the fucking toilet with...

Oh, my God!
What the fuck?

Oh, my God!
What the fuck is that? I didn't...

I did not do that shit.
Oh, my God.

What the fuck? Get your fucking hands
off of me, Chris Brown!

I did not... I grabbed them...
You tried to get violent with me.

I was grabbing my lyrics.
You officially crossed the line.

I did not touch you, baby.

I can't believe
you'd fucking resort to violence.

I can't believe you acted this shit.

I'm not going to sit here
and let you domestically violate me!

Yeah, yeah. I'm going
straight to my girlfriend's.

Fuck you and fuck
your fucking lyrics! Fuck you.

Fucking have sex
with your three-legged dog, bitch!

Ignore that shit.

No chatting online. I told you!

You talk to your friends
via your approved online blog.

They're my friends.

I don't work my ass off to have you
waste your time talking to girls.

No MSN chat, no Mixi chat,
no Facebook chat. None of it!

I'm sick of it. I work my ass off...
Oh, storm off. Off you go.

I am furious with Tim at the moment.

I caught him late last night
on his computer.

I have a security camera
in his room,

which I use to keep an eye on him.

Here's Tim.

Straight on to Chewy Chat.

I know that page any day.
That's definitely Chewy Chat.

That's him typing.

But, yes, he was online on Chewy
Chat, chatting to girls last night.

I know that because I went in later
and looked at the history.

But, yes, he knows
girls are strictly no-go.

They're off limits.

I think I hear him at that point...

..and then I leave.

Your phone probably got
girls' phone numbers in it!

I confiscated Tim's phone
as punishment for him.

(Garbage disposal whirrs)
Too late, too late.

Well done. You just broke
your garbage disposal.

You're gay.
You don't go getting confused, OK?

He did not like that at all.

He goes off the rails sometimes,
sulking because I punish him.

But that's teenagers.

Where's Nathan? He should
be out here chatting with Damien.

He's come to see him.
I don't know.

So does Nathan do OK socially?
Is he...? He's fine.

He's OK?

Daniel, Nathan wants to see you
at the tank. What does he want?

He's supposed to be here
talking to the deaf kid.

Just come and see him at the tank!
What the fuck does he want?

He's such a fucking knob.

What's the little fuckwit doing?

He's not there, he's not at the
fucking tank. He said he would be.

Nathan! Nathan, you fag!

Where is he?
He said he'd be at the tank.

He should be here.
Where are you?

Well, he's not there.

Whose Chomp?

Whose is that?

Well, whose is it?

MOTHER: Nathan!
(Laughter)

Get down from there.
It's really dangerous!

I'll beat the shit out of you!
Nathan!

I'll fucking piss on you
while you sleep, you dickhead!

I'll drop a turd on your face
while you're asleep, you fuckwit!

We've got guests.
I don't fucking care.

Match it up.
OK.

Yeah, Lesquisha coming in today
to record her vocals.

After the fight,
she contacted her lawyer

and she said
that I gave her a black eye.

Where's your black eye at?

So now she got a restraining order
out on me.

I'm not allowed to go near her
or talk to her.

Tell S.mouse
I'm ready to do my vocals.

Dawg, she ready.

Yeah, she's going to sing
on the track.

I don't want any more trouble.

So far, I've got to tell you,
she sounds shit.

£ He's got them black balls

£ He's got black balls

£ He's got big black
big black balls. £

Babe, wait up. We're going
to have to cut you there, babe.

We're going to have to do that again.

Danthony, next section.

(Music starts)

£ Black balls... £

I guess it makes a lot more sense

for my own girl to be singing
on my track, rather than Rihanna.

And I've gotta let her anyway,

'cause she's going to sue my ass
if I don't.

£ Baby, you know it's true

£ Your eyes popped out
when I first showed you

£ You praised the Lord
You was in luck

£ I needed heavy-duty underwear
to hold 'em up

£ I got black balls
£ Black balls

£ Touching my black balls

£ Touching my big black
big black balls, motherfucker. £

Motherfuck. That sounds good.

Think that might be it, my dude.

Yeah, we got ourselves
a motherfucking hit song.

Well done, baby.
Are you talking to me now? Yeah.

You know you are.
You know you sound good.

Tim, hurry up, please.

Well, today brought
some very, very good news,

some news that's going to make us
a lot of money.

We have got a surprise for you.

You are going to do a celebrity
endorsement for Ushi Cola!

It's a $6 million ad campaign, Tim.

I've been chasing up
a big ad campaign for Tim.

And today we found out
we got the green light.

Are you still sulking
about your phone? Move on.

Tell him, Bruce.

Tim, it's big. It's TV,
radio, commercial, billboards, Tim.

And they send you a lifetime supply
of Ushi Cola.

Why are you being an ungrateful
little shit? Lifetime supply.

Not for you, 'cause
you'll get too fat if you drink it,

but the rest of us
are going to love it.

I'm sick of your attitude, Tim.

Do you know how hard Bruce
and I have worked for this campaign?

What you got to say?

'Thank you'?

You have to lose
your teenage attitude.

I don't know what hormones
are going on in your brain

but it's pissing me off.

Piss off. Go to bed. I'm sick of you.

You know, you commit your life
to your children.

You work so hard and sometimes
they just slap you in the face.

Tim knows that I have
his best interests in my head

and I just want him to be happy.

What more would a mother want?

Timmy, Mummy loves you.

You didn't fart yet.

Come on.

(Farts)
Good boy.

Danthony done
a little post-production

on Lesquisha's vocals.

And I said to Danthony,

'What the fuck can you do
to make this bitch sound good?'

(Singing along with song)
£ Black balls

£ Touching his black balls

£ Touching his big black,
big black balls

£ Oh, yeah, yeah. £

You like it, baby?
I told you I could do this, baby.

Yeah, you sound amazing, baby.
Don't ever doubt me.

You know what? It's one step closer
to me realising my dream.

My own album,
my own music, the real me. Yeah.

Dad, we got a track to play you.
MAN: What?

We're going to play you a track.

We've got some dope tracks on there.

We've got some real shit,

some shit that is going to blow the
minds of the fans off their heads.

£ I got these big black
big black balls

£ You know it's true,
motherfuckers. £

What do you think of that shit?

Are you scratching my table
with all this shit?

What do you think of the track?
The song?

Yeah.

Who's the robot doing the singing?

Ain't nobody going to buy
this bullshit, man.

You got to be kidding me.

What is all this goddamn shit
lying around?

Somebody could trip over this shit.

Goddamn!

If Mama tripped over that shit,
she'd fucking have her...

..knee replaced or some shit.

Oi, Nathan, Nathan?

Do you reckon
when you go to deaf school

that you're going to be
best mates with Damien?

Do you reckon you would be?
He seems like a good bloke.

I reckon
you're going to be heaps like him

when you start signing
and all that shit.

You and Damo, mate, besties.

You reckon? Yeah?
(Laughs)

I reckon you will be.
Fuck off.

BFFs with the Damester, yeah?
Daniel.

Stop teasing him about deaf school.

You're going to completely
freak him out about going.

Yeah, you're right, actually, Mum.

Yeah, it's a little bit
irresponsible of me. (Laughs)

Hey, Nath.

Did you want a Gatorade at all?

Did you want that,

'cause I was going to ask you
before if you wanted the Gatorade?

Just have it. Yeah, drink it.

(It's not Gatorade. I pissed in it.)

Have a big scull of it, Nath.
It's yummy.

What are you doing?

You fucking, little, fucking faggot.

Fucking faggot!
(Laughs) Piss funny!

I'll shit on you,
you fucking little fuck! Piss funny!

I'm going to shit on you.
You gotta fucking clean that up!

What the hell's going on?
I'm shitting on your fucking face!

Piss funny!

(Laughs)

GRAN: It's a pretty rough place
in here.

Hey, it's Gran
and the doggie wanker, he's outside.

GRAN: Leave him alone.

I'll give you ten bucks
if you say a word. No?

You can't afford to be a pussy
and keep to yourself.

Get the fuck...

Every couple of months we do
our Scaring Young Boys program.

Who needs a ball and chain?

I'll show you to the torture rooms.

Stop being a bloody idiot
and grow some balls.

Me and Hunter have actually been
really busy.

We've come up with the idea
of a specialist surf school.

Welcome to Fat Boys School.

If I get a fat dude on a surfboard,
then I'm stoked.

Fellas, come get your rashies!
BOY: I can't really breathe.

You're all here, guys,
because you are... fat.

You see a hot girl,
remember, let her have it.

How are you going, Lara?
(Both cheer)

BOY: Stacks on Julian!

BOY: No! Fuck off, Daniel!

WOMAN: See you, Nath!

Mum and Steve are going away.

I'm the dad. Go to fucking bed.

Tomorrow night,
I'm having a huge party.

(Bawdy cheering)

Oh, shit. It's my mum.

I got the kids doing their homework.

One more beer and that's it, OK?
CHILD: Fuck off!

Thanks for ruining it.

I can't fucking control them!

Who's our surfing champion
of tomorrow?

Closed Captions by CSI