Angel (1999–2004): Season 5, Episode 6 - The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco - full transcript

[KEYS CLANGING]

[CLANGING]

This is Henderson.
South side basement door's open.

I'm gonna check it out.

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
Copy that.

GUARD:
Whoa!

Carlos, thanks for the heart attack.

Right back at you.

I had to swap out that septic pipe.

Well, on behalf of a grateful nation...

Henderson again. Mystery solved.



MAN: What happened?
GUARD: Found a crazed plumber.

[HITTING]

Carlos!

No!

No! No!

[GUARD SCREAMING]

[MUMBLING]

WOMAN:
Wolfram & Hart.

[PHONE RINGING]

RECEPTIONIST: Wolfram & Hart.
How may I direct your call?

Okay, professional opinion.

Sexy soccer mama or brainy beauty?

You're an aging sexpot,
and celebrating a decade of turning 29.

You got two little rugrats
that aren't little...



...a husband who thinks
that the extras trailer's a buffet...

...and gravity ain't doing you
any favors.

So "Happy Birthday, Sexy Mama" or...

Fred.

Fred, sweetie,
you're sort of like a woman.

Oh. That's not a compliment.

Well, more so than El Cid here.

I need some insight. You're an aging...

I heard. No card,
don't mention her birthday.

Send a big bunch of flowers
because she's special and perfect.

Staring me right in the face. Genius.

And I'm a lot like a woman.

LORNE:
You're all woman.

- You're every woman. Wonder Woman!
FRED: Damn straight.

Is that blood?

- Yeah. But it's okay. It's yours.
- Hmm.

How is that okay?

Demon law requires blood signatures
on all legal documents.

Your Herbie Hancock locks and loads
these docs.

Then I take them into court
and fire away.

Locks and loads. Got it.

As CEO of Wolfram & Hart...

...you just bankrupted a company that
dumps raw demon waste into the bay...

...banished a clan of Pyro Warlocks
into hell...

...and started foster care for kids whose
parents have been killed by vampires.

- Not bad for a day's pay.
- Yeah.

Great.

Look, I know legal weasels and
business deals aren't as heroic to you...

...as rescuing young honeys
from tumescent trolls...

...but I love what we do.

- Tumescent trolls?
- Went a little Johnnie Cochran on you.

For the first time, I can't wait
to get to work in the morning.

You've always had your special powers.
Now I have mine.

SPIKE:
Isn't that special.

We all have special powers.
Anybody wanna trade?

I'll swap you two for one.

Walking through walls,
picking up mugs...

...in exchange for...

...I don't know,
how about me not being dead?

- How about you not being here?
- lf wishes were horses...

- You okay?
- Yeah, fine.

Like you said, not bad for a day's pay.

I know you hate working here...

...with the bureaucracy and the fact that
most of our employees want us dead.

But in-house attacks are down
30 percent this week.

We did more good in a month
than Angel Investigations did in a year.

I know. I'm just... I don't know.
Just feeling a bit...

- Squishy?
- Disconnected.

SPIKE:
Are you serious?

Here you are, finally living
a piece of the high life.

New clothes, new cars,
my old tumble fetching you tasty snacks.

And what's your gripe?
"I feel disconnected."

You wanna feel disconnected,
try being a ghost for a bit.

Try bobbing around
with no touch or taste or smell.

Not many fates worse than that,
I'd wager.

Okay, maybe that.

I understand about the disconnect.

Much as I love legalese,
gotta admit...

...I miss mixing it up sometimes.

Miss getting my hands dirty.

Then this'll interest you.
Three people found with hearts cut out...

...in East L.A.
All within the last couple of hours.

Police are on it, but I think it's more
demonic than some murderous nutjob.

So we're ruling out
demonic nutjobs then, are we?

- We should check it out.
ANGEL: Right.

Yo. You missed one.

I'll get it. Wait.

Wait.

Hold on for a second.

I really hate this place.

The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco

WESLEY:
What happened?

The mail guy threw me.

GUNN: What?
- Number Five?

He did this?
Isn't he, like, 100 years old?

Kind of hard to tell with the mask.

Angel was attacked. Lock it down. No,
one of ours. The mail guy, Number Five.

- Why did he attack you?
- I tried to give him the mail.

Security's on it. We'll find him.

Look, this is just a thing.
Maybe I startled him or something.

I'm not taking any chances.
You have enemies everywhere.

Hey, Fred, did you hear?

Angel attacked the old mail guy.

- What?
- Not Number Five?

- You didn't hurt him?
- No. l...

- He attacked me.
- We should find him.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Want to buy him a pint.
Bloody made my day.

Gunn. Good, great.

Security found him.
They're escorting him off the premises.

You do wanna fire his masked ass?

- Well, I don't...
- I think it's best.

Look, I'm fine. Let's just get back to...

Holy tornado, it's true.

Yeah, it was amazing.
Angel went right off on the mail guy.

Must've been one major smackdown.

There was no smacking.

That's not the hubbub I'm hearing.

Word on the Web has you
sucker-punching Grandpa Moses.

- The Web?
- Don't sweat it, sweetie pie.

I've got my flak-catcher spinning this
into PR gold.

Once the word spreads that you beat up
an innocent old man...

...the terrible will think twice
before going toe to toe with Angel.

The geriatrics will be soiling their nappies
when they hear you're on the case.

I didn't beat anybody up.

So let's just focus on what's important,
like Wes' bodies.

- Wesley has bodies?
- Someone found three bodies.

Four. Another one was just found
in a church after an All Souls' Mass.

- All Souls?
- Prayers for the departed.

You should know that,
being departed and all.

Tonight was a special service.
It's the Mexican Day of the Dead.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]

Still not sure why Blondie Ghost
tagged along.

Not much choice really, is there?
Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy.

Doesn't leave much to do, other than
watch you blokes play Agatha Christie.

Yeah. Remind me again
how you ended up in the front seat.

- Called shotgun, mate.
- Oh.

I thought we were
doing a weapons check.

Nothing wrong with that.

We may need these
if we're going up against...

...some Mexican Day of the Dead
heart-sucking monster.

Angel, the church we're looking for
is about half a mile...

Always was a bit of a drama queen.

[SPIKE SIGHS]

Too late.

So you what, heard a scream?

SPIKE:
He smelled the blood.

Nothing grabs a vamp's attention
like the ruby red.

No matter how uptown we go...

...we always wind up in some stanky
hole in the middle of the night.

WESLEY:
Angel.

His heart's missing.

Looks like it was cut out
with some sort of crude knife.

Based on these blood spatters, I'd say
it was still beating when it was removed.

Blood's fresh. This just happened.

- Whatever did this might still be close.
- How close?

I'd say 10 or 11 feet.

[GROWLS]

[GROWLING]

How you like that, Sparky?

Okay, so next time
I'll hold onto the ax.

Not that way!

Now, focus.

Bloody useless.

GUNN: We shot it, chopped,
hacked and whacked it.

All we got was the gunk on this blade.
Thought you might do some tests.

Sure. Maybe hematological,
cellular RH enzymes.

Obviously a full SMA 20.

Obviously.

Give me a shout
when you know something, okay?

Some demonoid entropy patterning
couldn't hurt.

If you're trying to find out what
this thing's made of, it'll take a while.

Couldn't care less.

I'm trying to put as much distance
between myself and Grumpy Pants...

...as my ghost leash allows.
- He just gets like that sometimes.

Not easy being a champion.
You know that.

Really don't.

Come on. You saved the world,
sacrificed yourself, closed a hellmouth...

Didn't do much, really.

I just stood there...

...let the fire come.

Nothing real heroic about that.

Well, you did save my life.

Well, when you say it like that...

Cross-reference the weapons list
against both Aztec and Incan artifacts.

MESSENGER:
Sir.

Less reptilian,
and the mouth was larger.

Think predatory bird
meets demonic gladiator.

Xiochimayan Codex.

ANGEL:
How we doing?

Based on the creature's appearance
and weaponry...

...I'm focusing my team on pre-Hispanic
texts, specifically Meso-American.

Good.

We're not there yet,
but I'm confident.

Yeah, I can see that.

You'll find it.

Then we'll figure out a way to stop it.

Then I'll stop it,
because that's what we do.

I'll be in my office.

I wasn't aware that you could read
Cuauhtitlan pictograms.

Who, me? No, I was just...

Is this one of those books
on prophesies?

No, it's a source book.

Each one ties into a discipline
in the Wolfram & Hart archives.

This one's linked
to historical narratives.

That's the one dedicated to prophesies.

So you could look up
that Shanshu thingamabob.

The prophecy that says that Angel
gets to be a real boy again.

Shanshu prophecy. Yes.

But it's a bit more complicated
than that.

Complicated?

It tells of an epic, apocalyptic battle...

...and a vampire with a soul
who plays a major role in that battle.

And there is a suggestion
that the vampire will get to live again.

When you say plays a major role
in an apocalyptic battle, you mean...

...like heroically closing a hellmouth
that was about to destroy the world?

The text isn't specific
about the battle.

But it's specific about the name
of the vampire with a soul.

No. I imagine it could be
any vampire with a soul...

...who isn't a ghost.

[CHUCKLES]

It's a bunch of nonsense.

It's a bedtime story
to get vampires to play nice.

- Says you.
- No. Says Angel.

Yeah.

Tall, Dark and Dreary says
he doesn't believe in Shanshu bugaboo.

Says it's a sucker's game.

ASSISTANT:
Sir.

That's it. Good. Print it out.

It's an Aztec demon
named Tezcatcatl.

We don't know a lot about it yet.
Our codex is missing key pictographs.

What we do know is that
it's been here before.

Fifty years ago to the day.

- Day of the Dead.
- Yes, though that may be a coincidence.

I'll know better once we determine
why it's here or what it wants.

Wolfram & Hart has a brief record
of what happened.

According to this, Tezcatcatl rose
in the same place, East Los Angeles...

...killed over a dozen people
before it was finally defeated.

- Defeated?
- Yes, by five heroes.

Brothers. They were the champions
of that time.

- They destroyed the demon?
- Yes, at quite a price.

The brothers were killed,
all but one.

SPIKE:
Not to be Captain Obvious...

...but either the brothers didn't really
finish the demon off...

...or it's figured out a way to come back
from wherever they sent it.

Either way, best of luck, mate.

You said one brother survived.

- Is he still alive?
- Yes.

Okay, then. I'll talk to him. I'm sure he'll
wanna help. We have his number?

As a matter of fact, we do.

Hi.

Stop doing that.

Perhaps I wasn't clear
in our last conversation.

What conversation?
You threw me through a window.

I heard you speaking.

You were going to drag me
into your quest for the Aztec demon.

No, I wasn't.
I was gonna give you some mail.

Oh, sorry.

Now I'm dragging you back in.

I need your help.

You and your brothers beat this
Aztec warrior thing first time around.

And I need to know how.

I'm sorry.

In case you haven't noticed,
I have retired from that life.

The mask doesn't exactly
hide your past.

It reminds me that only a fool
would want to be a champion.

Fool?

Is that what you think
of your brothers?

Never disrespect
the memory of my brothers.

They were honorable men.

Luchadores. Mexican wrestlers.

The greatest that ever lived.

Together, we were known as
Los Hermanos Numeros.

The Number Brothers?

Boy, you guys had no problem
getting past the irony thing, did you?

It was a different time...

...one that no longer exists.

[BELL RINGING]

[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

[REFEREE COUNTING IN SPANISH]

NUMBER FIVE:
We were great warriors in the ring.

Great heroes.

Children worshiped us.

Women loved us.

Men wanted to be us.

[NUMBER TWO CHEERS]

[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

In all the years we fought, we never lost,
never quit, never compromised.

We were the best.

But not all our battles
were in the ring.

Hermanos!

You need to understand
we were more than just luchadores.

No one else cared about Mexicans
or Chicanos, so we protected our own.

The five of us were always joined,
always connected.

And when necessary,
we came together as a fist.

We fought monsters and gangsters,
vampiros.

We were heroes.

We protected the weak
and we helped the helpless.

I know a little something about that.

We spent every waking hour together.

We fought hard, we played hard.

Brothers in the truest sense.

Never jealous, never bickering.

Those were the happiest days
of my life.

Wait a second.
So you guys always wore your masks?

What you are failing to see,
my friend...

...is that we had to be ever-vigilant...

...ready for action at a moment's notice.

[PHONE RINGS]

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Hermanos!

The devil has built a robot.

[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

Surely you have heard about
our great victory over the devil's robot.

Sorry.

Nobody remembers the good stuff.

Tell me about the Aztec warrior.

What can I say about a demon who
killed the people that mattered most?

You can start by saying
how you killed it back.

I don't know. Can't remember.

- Can't remember or don't care?
- Do not misunderstand me.

After my brothers were killed,
I tried to carry on...

... tried to help people.

But after a while, the phone
stopped ringing, the people went away...

... until one night
when a man walked in.

He said his company could use
a young man with my abilities.

ANGEL:
Wolfram & Hart.

I needed a job, they needed muscle.

I knew that Wolfram & Hart
was everything my brothers despised.

But what did I care?

Nothing mattered after I buried them
behind San Gregorio.

Every year on El Dia de Los Muertos,
I prepare this altar for them.

And every year, they never come,
never visit...

...because I am not worthy.

But it does not matter anymore,
not after this year.

I should have died with my brothers.

But you didn't. You got stuck
with the hard part, carrying on.

No wonder your brothers' spirits
never come to visit.

Listen to yourself. You've quit.

Tell me, why'd you stop caring?

It was not hard.

I will show you.

This is how my brothers
are remembered...

...what their good deeds earned.

They sacrificed their lives as heroes,
and it is played out as a farce.

Maybe you expect too much
from people.

Is it too much to expect them
to remember their past?

To honor those that fought and died?

My brothers are dead,
and Tezcatcatl is back to kill again.

Why did we bother?

What difference did we make?

You made a difference
to the lives you saved.

And you did it because
it was the right thing to do.

Nobody asks us to go out and fight,
put our lives on the line.

We do it because we can.
Because we know how.

We do it whether
people remember us or not...

...in spite of the fact that there's no
shiny reward at the end of the day...

...other than the work itself.

I think some part of you
still knows that...

...still believes in being a hero.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[LATIN MUSIC PLAYING]

WESLEY: I'd forgotten that Aztec culture
was so violent.

Yeah, because our culture's
so at peace.

But by and large,
we don't eat our victims.

GUNN: You got that file on the lady
from the All Souls' Mass?

WESLEY:
She's the most puzzling.

The demon passed by
over 20 people...

...so he could attack her.

I know. We need to find its m.o.
so Angel can guess its next move.

Does Angel seem all right to you?

Yeah. Still adjusting
to corporate life, I guess.

- Bit of a disconnect.
- Disconnect?

His word, not mine.
But he's still doing his hero thing.

Wait a minute. Didn't you say the
homeless guy in the alley was a vet?

Yeah. Gulf War.

And something about a Bronze Star?

Bronze Star. Lady in the church worked
with gangs. This dude, a fireman.

Saved his crew in a fire.

That's the thread. That's the m. o?

It's taking the hearts of heroes.

So much for my stirring speech.

[GROWLING]

[GROANING]

So you think this demon
is eating the hearts of heroes?

That's an interesting theory.
Your research might seem to support it.

But your theory kind of
fell apart in the field.

I know you've been through a horrible
ordeal, and I'm not trying...

The reason I know this Aztec demon
is not eating the hearts of heroes is...

...it didn't take mine.

Am I to believe that it had no
problem sticking a sword in me...

...but then decided, "Wait,
his heart's not heroic enough"?

I don't think so.

I understand you're feeling rejected.

But this Aztec warrior,
it wants the hearts for sustenance.

It wants it for the meat,
not the metaphor.

- What are you saying?
- Yours is a dried-up hunk of beef jerky.

But stick a piece of wood in it,
and I still die. Must mean something. Ah!

Can we figure out how to kill this demon
rather than why it didn't kill you?

Before El Numero Cinco
bolted on the bus...

...did he drop any details
about how he and his brothers...

...defeated this Aztec thing?

Wes, did you ever hear
that the devil built a robot?

El Diablo Robotico.

Why?

Nobody ever tells me anything.

I'm gonna go check
with my guys in Contracts.

- This should take precedence.
- Relax, it's warrior-related.

I'm thinking if this demon
got to come back after 50 years...

...maybe it made
some supernatural deal.

And if there's a deal,
there might be a contract.

Angel, what Gunn said about your heart,
the dried-up bit...

...I don't think that's the problem.
- But you do see a problem.

- It's the work.
- Yeah.

The 18-hour days, slaying evil
and being shish-kebabed to a Chevy.

I didn't say you weren't working.

I'm just saying your heart's
not in the work.

Yeah, I've been feeling a little...

Disconnected. I've heard.

I think it's more serious than that.

You blame your melancholy on your new
position, but it's not the type of work.

I think it's because you've lost hope
that the work has meaning.

Of course it has meaning.

We save people's lives.

I'm not talking about them. I'm talking
about you. It's lost meaning for you.

Spike says you no longer believe
in the Shanshu prophecy.

Of course not. Prophesies are nonsense.
You know that.

Come on, Wes. After everything we've
seen in the past couple of years...

"The father will kill the son."

What are you talking about?

Look, we're getting the work done.

As long as I keep doing what I do...

...it doesn't matter
if I believe in the Shanshu.

I'm sorry, Angel,
but nothing matters more.

Hope. It's the only thing
that will sustain you.

That will keep you from ending up
like Number Five.

[PHONE RINGING]

Yeah.

It's Fred. She's got something.

So it's eating the hearts of heroes,
and their blood keeps it alive.

Yeah, but it does more than that.
It acts like supercharged rocket fuel.

Makes it, you know...

- Nigh invulnerable.
SPIKE: I could kill it.

I mean, ghostliness to the contrary.

Come on, lads.
Everything has an Achilles' heel.

And you just so happen to know
this creature's?

I'll wager it's the heart.

You see that in the science?

No, love, in the poetry.

We're dealing
with a mythic creature here...

...a kill-or-be-killed kind of creature.

If something was after my heart,
I'd try to bloody well take its heart first.

GUNN: That's right.
That'd stop it for the time being.

- Time being?
- He's got a get-out-of-jail-free card.

- It's in his contract.
- Contract?

Figure of speech. Curse, hex,
any shady supernatural deal...

...Wolfram & Hart has a record of it.

Tezcatcatl was one of the Aztecs'
most powerful warriors.

He forged a mystical talisman
to harness the sun god's power...

...make him supernova powerful,
but he was caught.

Was sentenced to die
on the Aztec Day of the Dead.

- So he made a mystical deal.
- Yeah, it was pretty clever.

Had their shaman curse him to return
from the dead every 50 years.

Been doing it for centuries.
Usually that'd be a bad thing.

But in his case, he can keep
searching for the talisman.

Any idea what happened to it?

It was given to a great hero
in charge of protecting it.

Which gets passed through generations,
so each time this demon returns...

...it's searching for that talisman.

And if it finds it, the demon
becomes sun-god powerful...

...and you sods become
a series of hearty snacks.

Is there a drawing of it?

Negative. All I know is it's gold,
the size of a quarter...

...and has the sun and some
spooky mumbo-jumbo carved into it.

See? Drama queen.

NUMBER FIVE:
Tezcatcatl.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Come. I wait for you.

[SNIFFS]

ANGEL:
Won't work, you know.

You want the Aztec warrior to come...

...to kill you so you can be
with your brothers, but he won't.

He will be here.

I summoned him.

Maybe.

But he won't kill you, or me.
Missing the secret ingredient.

Now, give me the talisman
and I'll leave you to your misery.

I don't have it.

- Where is it?
- You are one strange man, Senor Angel.

I'm not the one in a mask
in a cemetery late at night.

No. But you will be.

You want this thing to kill you, fine.
But I won't let it get the talisman.

Say you stop it. Then what?

In 50 years, it's back,
and nothing has changed.

Give it to me.

You were right about Tezcatcatl
not wanting to kill me.

That I am not a hero.

So I had to find a way to fool him,
to make myself worthy.

I swallowed the talisman.

If he wants it,
he will have to cut it out of me.

You want your talisman?

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Don't you remember?

I'm the hombre who destroyed you
last time.

Come on. It's in here.

Come and get it.

That's it.

Again.

ANGEL:
Not gonna make it that easy for you.

We already did this little dance,
remember?

If you're looking for heroes,
you're wasting your time.

No!

Now it's time I taught you something.

[BONES CRACKING]

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

We're trying to kill it, not pin it.

Okay, pinning works.

[SCREAMING]

[GROANING]

ANGEL:
Hey.

Mis hermanos, they came back.

Because you're worthy.

- You proved it.
- Maybe.

But still, the demon
did not want my heart.

- He didn't want mine either.
- Well, of course not, amigo.

Who would want that dried-up walnut
of a dead thing?

[COUGHS]

- Coffee.
- Coffee? You want coffee?

Stupido. The talisman, it's in.

I may not be a hero,
but I am not a fool.

ANGEL: See if you can put this
someplace safe.

Angel, are you okay?

- I know you've been feeling...
- I'm fine.

Got the job done.
That's what's important.

Been a long day.

See you guys in the morning.

So Number Five,
he jumped in and helped at the end?

He died a hero.

[SIGHS]

Shanshu prophecy,
English translation.

Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

[ENGLISH SDH]