American Gods (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 8 - The Rapture of Burning - full transcript
I don't know where
the Jinn is or why he left.
I'll probably spend the rest
of my life wondering
if we ever had real love.
But every beat of your heart
is proof that you were
truly loved by someone.
My sister's son Sandy
leaving home
pretty much broke her heart.
She said he was in Florida.
I've written, texted,
called him for years.
Never once have I
heard back.
If he was with
his dad in Florida,
I would've heard from him.
You want to kill Wednesday.
We want to help you do that.
So you can get Odin's spear
out of Sweeney's hoard?
We will tell you the time
and the place of the attack.
You will receive instructions
on how to acquire the spear.
If you should fail
to hold up on your end,
you will die and
your friends'll die.
Some blood-craving Berserker
who was once signed
to protect me
has taken to slaughtering
my followers.
Your father sent me to get you.
He needs your help in a matter
of some urgency.
*AMERICAN GODS*
Season 03 Episode 08
Episode Title:
"The Rapture of Burning"
Aired on:
March 07, 2021
Help. Please.
I did nothing wrong.
I just...
They're gonna kill me.
Room 12.
Lock yourself in.
What can I do
for you gentlemen?
Police, ma'am.
Pursuing a fugitive.
Sexual pervert.
People throw that word
around a lot,
and I never understand
what they mean by it.
This particular individual
consorts with other men
with intent to commit sodomy.
My boy Jim here
just tricked him
into giving himself away
down at Smuggler's Cove.
Your boy going around
tricking people
doesn't sound
very nice.
Well, if it isn't
Jimmy O'Rourke.
Do you remember me, Jimmy?
I know I look
a bit different now,
but remember Homecoming?
Senior year?
Tony?
You do remember.
Now, nobody's here but my guests.
So you gentlemen
can go do your arresting
- somewhere else.
- Bullshit.
I'm not taking
the word of some broad.
I'm the most honest broad
you'll ever meet.
I always tell the truth.
If Toni says he's not here,
he's not here.
- If I find out you're lying...
- You won't.
♪ Baby, baby you will
learn and change someday
Why are you being
so good to me?
As far as you know,
I'm some criminal the cops are chasing.
When the cops
terrorize people like us,
then they become
the bad guys.
People like us?
You're attracted to men.
It's hard to know
who to trust.
Okay.
When I was born,
everyone said I was a boy.
Well, guess what?
They were wrong.
I was lucky to find you.
Yeah.
I almost shut
this place down last week.
Why?
No guests.
Not enough money.
But I thought I'd give it
another couple weeks.
I'm glad I did.
Long ago in China,
there was a young man
that fell in love
with a handsome
Imperial inspector...
...who had him beaten to death
for his affection.
But the young man
haunted his dreams,
and eventually,
the inspector built a temple
and declared the young man
a god and protector
of homosexual love.
I've been looking
for a new temple
ever since
I arrived in America
a hundred years ago.
Maybe we should
get you to a doctor.
I am Tu Er Shen,
the rabbit god.
You saved me.
And in return,
hospitable woman,
I bless you with a long
and happy and loving life.
I bless your
Grand Peacock Inn
with safety,
prosperity, and joy,
and I declare
this place a temple
for me and mine,
you and yours,
and all our kindred spirits.
Are you sure
you're okay to travel?
You might've been hit
harder than you think.
Still don't
believe me, do you?
I believe you are
an amazing storyteller.
Oh my God.
Are they real?
Oh!
Nope, just nerds.
Haha! Hi, Laura Moon!
Oh, fuck me.
It's another fuckin'
leprechaun.
I hate my life.
Let's go.
Welcome.
Are you with the Jamboree?
Oh, we so are not.
But I am looking for a guest
of yours, Liam Doyle?
Liam's our bartender.
Oh, good.
Where's the bar?
Only, uh, paying guests
are allowed on the property
during the Jamboree.
It's a private event.
Well, you should just way
overcharge me for a room, then.
We only have one room left.
Do you mind sharing?
Oh, it's fine.
I'm not staying.
Let me take your bag.
I'm Kai, by the way.
Um, it's nothing.
- Uh, I've got it.
- You sure?
It's my job, after all.
Uh, uh, here, I'll, uh,
take these to the room
for safekeeping.
Okay.
- Go find Doyle.
- Okay.
Was it something I said?
Oh, don't mind him.
He's just forgotten
how to have fun.
- Still no Wednesday.
- Mm.
He's probably
maintaining radio silence
to dodge the New Gods.
Same reason your father
sent me to get you in person.
He'll fill us in
at the Wolf's Den.
Which is what?
A roadside attraction.
A place... of power.
Uh, like, uh,
House on the Rock?
Hmm...
Might be Wednesday.
Ah, you fucker.
You okay, sir?
Oh, he's, uh, he's epileptic.
I've got this.
Buddy, I'm training
to be an EMT,
and that does not look
like a seizure.
I'm so sorry.
And who are you dressed as?
Uh, a woman who needs something
from a leprechaun's hoard.
You're Liam Doyle, right?
- Who's asking?
- Laura Moon.
There you go.
Don't fuck with me.
What the hell, guy?
Why is my fucking name
a problem for you?
Listen. I don't know
who you are,
but I don't believe in ghosts,
so why don't you go away
before I have Toni
throw you out?
You heard that I was dead.
I read your obituary.
So how the hell
are you standing here?
That's a really long story
that I may share with you
at some point.
But can you first
explain why on earth
you read my obituary?
Because I was hired
to kill you.
Wednesday got Sweeney
to kill me.
He hired me first.
Or... tried to.
I was a lawyer at the time.
You were a leprechaun lawyer?
Long story.
The point is,
I always kinda knew
that I was a bit of a scumbag,
but when the Lord
of All Scumbags
asked me to do
his dirty work,
I realized how far
I'd fallen.
I said no.
Then he destroyed
my lucky coin.
So, I lost my luck,
you died anyway.
And I washed up here.
Am I supposed to drink this?
It's my signature cocktail.
So, whose hoard are you
trying to crack?
Sweeney's.
Legendary trove.
But I can't get into
a strange hoard
with no coin.
What if I had Sweeney's coin?
You have his coin?
Will it get you
into his hoard?
It'd give me
my powers back.
What is it you
want me to find?
A weapon. A spear.
I can't.
Stealing from
someone else's hoard
is against the old
Hibernian Code.
Taking a weapon is worse.
And, anyway, I won't be
party to violence.
Why I didn't kill you
to begin with.
That's very sweet.
Um, if you could just hear me out.
I said, I can't.
Well, fuck you very much.
No one's sorrier than me.
You keep telling me that
you're going to fix me,
but I keep on...
Hey!
Snap out of it!
Da-da-da-da...
It's time to do things my way.
Find Bilquis.
She fucked me up.
Make her fix me.
Hm.
You must be far gone indeed
to put your faith
in the Old Gods
to solve your problem.
No fucking way.
Relax, it's been repurposed
to provide
a restorative process
by modulating the electro-chemical
neural impulses.
There is one being
in the multiverse
who will never fall
for techno-babble horseshit like that.
Moi.
I am a goddamn lord
of humanity and I will not...
Fuck me.
You've jumped
to a lot of shitty
conclusions about me.
You think that I want
the spear for violence?
That is categorically untrue.
- Is it?
- Yeah, after I was reanimated...
Again, long story...
Sweeney and I became...
...friends.
He hated himself
for murdering me,
so he gave me the coin
to prove how sorry he was.
Can we get
two, uh, Sapphire Fairies?
No leprechaun would
give up his lucky coin.
Yeah, I know.
That's how much he cared.
He also promised to get me
this fuckin' magic spear
so that I could use it
as self-defense
against that
rat-bastard Wednesday.
Then said rat-bastard
killed Sweeney.
So, I think that
Sweeney would want you
to help me get the spear.
Do you swear that's true?
I swear on
my grave... Graves.
I'll get you the spear.
But I keep the coin
as payment.
Sure. Fucking finally.
- Let's do this.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't think
you're coming with me?
Into Mad Sweeney's hoard?
Yeah, I've been in
Sweeney's hoard before.
- I lived through it.
- No.
I go alone
or I don't go at all.
Fine. Walking away.
Fuck!
Here to fix the bed?
This jalopy and I
go way back.
I have a special touch.
I take it you're not here
for the convention.
Why? Because I'm not
wearing wings?
If that's your look,
then that's a tough one.
Uh, homeless
Jackson Pollock?
No... Wait, I got it.
Lesbian Harry Potter.
It's just me.
God, you must be
really depressed.
Hey, I dunno
if this is your thing,
but there's this party later.
It's, uh,
part of the convention.
I-I'd love it if you came.
What kind of party?
I guess you'd
call it a pansexual
adventure-love-inn
where you can get
your uh, kinky boots on.
Completely safe and...
absolutely legendary.
Ready for action.
No pressure, but Toni is
the greatest hostess ever
and she brings it pretty hard
for this party every year,
so you don't wanna miss it.
Uh...
I mean, um, I haven't
received an invitation.
Oh! You have now.
This is your passport to...
...wherever you wanna go.
So you'll come?
Well, the fucking
leprechaun is a dick.
He said he needs Sweeney's
coin to access the hoard.
Only then, he wants
to keep it as payment.
Seems fair.
Are you kidding?
The moment he gets
his greasy little fingers
on that thing... poof.
No coin.
No spear.
No fucking leprechaun.
You think he's gonna steal it?
Why would he do
such a thing?
Because he's a lowlife.
This is the guy that Wednesday
tried to hire to kill me.
But that didn't happen.
No. No, he refused.
So, you don't trust the guy
who refused to kill you,
but you fell in love
with the guy who did?
Oh, my God, Salim.
I did not "fall in love"
with Sweeney.
We just went through
some shit together, okay?
You no longer need the coin
to stay alive, correct?
- No, but...
- But...
If you don't get the spear,
you can't kill Wednesday,
which means you will die.
Along with me and Shadow.
Yes, that's technically true.
Since Doyle is the only one
who can get the spear,
seems like a risk
worth taking.
Yeah. Maybe if you're
some fucking rube
who just fell off
the turnip truck.
I have no idea
what that means,
but what I do know is
if you let go
of Sweeney's coin
or his ashes,
you will be acknowledging
the harsh reality
that he is dead.
And you will have to grieve.
And it will hurt.
But it's the only way
for you to move on.
Says the guy who refuses
to ditch his M.I.A.
boyfriend's
butt-ugly sweater.
Yes.
Like that.
My Jinn.
Your Sweeney.
They're not coming back,
but we can't let go.
What the fuck?
What the fuck did you do to me?
You change your mind?
Ah! You go into the hoard.
You get the spear.
You bring it back to me.
I've seen how
this shit works,
so I know it should only
take a couple seconds.
If you don't come back,
if you fuck with me
in any way,
I will become your worst
fucking nightmare.
Got it?
I gave you my word.
Well, then.
Wish me luck.
I'm guessing you're the one
who's been killing
Wednesday's followers.
Regrettably, yes.
What is that?
Oh, it's a scaffold
used to display a body
in the old way,
with the ribs splayed open.
What are you?
I am a god of justice
bringing divine retribution
down upon your father.
Yeah, I gotta
give you that. He...
He is one selfish,
lying fuck. But, uh...
Please let me know
why I'm being murdered.
Back when I,
not Odin,
was lord of the Norse gods,
Loki fathered a monstrous
wolf named Fenrir.
The beast was uncontrollable,
laying waste to
everything in its path.
So, in secret,
we forged an unbreakable chain to bind him.
Odin, always the conman,
challenged Fenrir to prove
his might by escaping it.
Fenrir demanded
that Odin place his hand
in his jaws
for insurance.
Odin refused.
But I,
knowing that the wolf's
reign of terror must end,
offered myself.
My sacrifice saved us all from destruction,
but your father used it
to mock and belittle me.
My name, my deeds,
nearly forgotten.
And he's never paid
any price for it...
Until now.
How about you quit feeling
sorry for yourself
and watch where you're going,
you self-absorbed fuck.
You.
It's about fucking time!
You broke me.
You owe me.
Now fix me.
I didn't break you.
I awakened you
to feelings that were
already inside you.
You are the one choosing
and I stress "choosing"...
to stay awake.
Does it look like I've got
a choice to do anything?
I couldn't even scratch
my own fucking balls if I wanted to.
Well, I'm not scratching 'em
for you, douche canoe.
On account I'm not here.
I'm not really Bilquis,
you twerp.
I am a manifestation
of your subconscious.
I don't have a subconscious.
You do now, motherfucker.
After everything
I have done for you.
You are such
an ungrateful cooze.
- Oh!
- Keep talking like that,
pussy boy, and I'm gonna rip
these little girls off
so you never have
to scratch 'em again.
You couldn't if you used both
hands and a fucking chainsaw.
Because none of this
is happening.
The head grabber's
doing all of this.
The head grabber ain't shit
and you know it.
World is just
keeping you on ice.
He's the one who's
got you by the balls.
Focus, shit-for-brains!
You're Dorothy,
and I'm gonna tell you
how to get back to Kansas.
You can fix
these glitches yourself.
You always could.
How?
They happen when
you feel a strong emotion
and try to repress it.
What is it with
this emotion bullshit?
I don't do emotion.
Try to keep up
with me here, dim bulb.
You are awake.
You can't unthink a thought.
Repress what you are feeling;
You will snap in two.
Let them come,
whatever they are:
Mad, sad, glad, scared.
Just don't deny them;
Don't act on them.
Let them come,
and then let them go.
Tell me what you are feeling.
Pissed off.
I am really fucking angry.
About... what?
I want World to get his
fucking boot off my neck.
Then find Artifact One.
How the fuck am I
supposed to do that
when I am stuck in here?
Isn't it enough
that I am beautiful and mysterious?
Does your fucking subconscious
have to do everything for you?
Salim, right?
Is everything okay?
No. Yes.
Uh, I don't know.
N-never mind.
Uh-huh. Are you going
to the party?
Kai invited me,
but he didn't,
uh, I didn't...
I didn't know...
Everybody says
this is a safe place,
but I don't-I don't feel
very safe right now.
Feel free to tell me
to mind my own business,
but is it possible
you feel ashamed?
Shame?
Because sometimes unsafe
and ashamed can feel similar,
but shame is a whole lot
of made-up bullshit.
But I've worked
through that. I...
I didn't feel ashamed;
I felt proud.
Happy.
I trusted in God
that love is never wrong.
Maybe God is trying
to tell me something.
Maybe He's trying
to tell me
I've been wrong
this whole time.
Come to the party.
Try being your true self,
in your own right.
It may feel scary at first,
but you'll be safe.
I promise you.
Maybe that's what God
is offering you.
Maybe just for one night.
Take your time.
We'll be here.
Wait.
May I have the honor
of escorting you inside?
May I kiss you?
Yes.
May I?
Whatever you want.
You floss every day?
I always wonder why
people do or don't.
Just another roadside
attraction.
Hope you haven't
touched the boy.
This is just
between you and me.
We were once brothers, Tyr.
But now I see our story
ends in discord...
...and blood.
And over what?
Jealousy.
Pathetic.
You think this is
about Demeter?
She's just one of your
countless crimes.
You're a usurper!
Usurping the entire world
with this endless war of yours!
I won't allow it!
And you would murder
my son to stop me.
Submit to me; He goes free.
Has he been telling you
his sob story
about how the big bad wolf
bit his hand off?
Always the victim, huh, Tyr?
My life is yours.
Let Shadow go.
Done.
Do you believe him?
Sure I believe him.
Tyr's honesty is
his biggest weakness.
Greatest strength.
Weakness.
You bested me only
by deceiving me, huh?
Donating to the cause
while murdering my followers.
Oh, I counted on you
to underestimate me.
Oh, you surprised me;
I'll give you that.
And you in turn.
I never thought you
would give up your life
for your son.
Well, I never said
I was gonna do that.
We settle this the old way.
So be it.
I'm sorry, Shadow.
Because of your interference,
justice demands that
I take your life.
But, rest assured,
the death I give you
will be merciful
compared to your...
So long!
Shadow, my boy,
you've always wanted
a normal life.
Now, you can have it.
Your obligation to me has been fulfilled.
I'm proud of the man
you have become.
Don't forget to ditch the car.
No, no, no, no.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
F...
Fuck you too.
I didn't mean to wake you.
Last night was...
...wonderful.
Glad you came?
More than you know.
Uh, Laura...
Morning.
-Uh, this is
-Hot Bellhop. Hi.
Uh... Beat it?
Salim, we need to talk.
You leaving today?
Well...
then...
Goodbye, sweet Salim.
Thank you, Hot Bellhop.
Truly.
Thank you.
Bye.
So you got the spear?
Uh, no.
I did not.
The leprechaun
fucked me over.
Took the coin and vamoosed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who
told you to trust him.
No, it's my fault.
You're naive. I shouldn't
have listened to you.
Ouch.
No, it's a nice thing.
You see the best in people
even when they're coming
to rip your heart out.
Which is why I need you
to listen to me.
What are you planning?
Well, uh, I failed
to get the spear,
which means that I probably
won't be able to kill Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell
still gonna try.
But, if I fuck it up,
you know the terms
of the deal.
Some of us objected
to those terms.
Yes, I know.
I fucked that up too, okay?
Um, so, they're gonna kill me.
Again. Whatever.
I'm gonna go and
warn Shadow, but, um...
I need you
to stay here,
like here in this hotel,
where you're gonna be safe.
No.
No, I'm not hiding anymore.
I'll come with you.
No, dude.
The worst possible place
that you can be
when all this goes down
is anywhere near me.
Fine, then I'll travel.
- See the world.
- No, you have to stay safe.
Why do you care?
Because I fucking care
about you, Salim!
Okay? Jesus Christ!
Let's just leave it at that.
I love you too, Laura Moon.
Like I said: You see good
in all the wrong places.
If this is where our roads
part for now, so be it.
But I'm not running
from myself anymore.
And I'll be damned if I'm going
to run from the New Gods.
I am going to live my life
as I please.
Okay.
Well, that sounds, uh,
super brave and shit.
For what it's worth, I think
you're being a total moron.
But, okay.
We all make our own choices.
It'll be all right.
Inshallah.
If God wills it.
Uh-huh.
Um.
Where's your sweater?
Um...
I don't know.
I lost it.
Good.
Um...
Cool. Bye.
Hey.
Lakeside, Wisconsin,
please. One way.
All right. We've got one in a half hour,
and then 6:11 tonight.
What time do you
want to leave?
Can you scratch that?
Make it Jacksonville.
Hey, jackass.
So, um...
I fucked everything up,
again...
As usual.
They told me in Purgatory
that not everything
is always my fault,
but... it sure
fucking feels like it.
And um...
I guess that's what I...
...liked about you?
Everything was always
your fault, too.
Just a couple of assholes.
Okay. Uh...
Um, fuck you.
Goodbye.
What the fuck
kind of hoard was that?
What is wrong with that guy?
He had a pooka in there,
I mean a, a full-on Harvey.
Batshit out of its mind,
12-feet tall and hungry.
I really didn't think
you were coming back.
Me too. Shit!
Well, I finally found
your damn spear.
What a fucking mess.
Hey, I'm not done
with you yet.
That's not just
for protection.
That's Gungnir,
Odin's spear.
What do you really plan
to do with that?
Uh, I'm gonna kill Wednesday.
♪ Well, you like
what you're given ♪
♪ A lot of us
are standing in line ♪
♪ And you'll find
that you're missing ♪
♪ What others thought you had
all the time ♪
♪ And it's high,
but you're reaching ♪
♪ The trees are getting
harder to climb ♪
♪ So you try to begin there ♪
♪ 'Cause life is such
a wonderful slide ♪
♪ You're hanging
around the day ♪
♪ You're fooling yourself... ♪
Allahu Akbar.
♪ You're taking it all
to a future site ♪
♪ Hanging around today ♪
♪ God only knows
what you're missing ♪
♪ Well, you know
where you're going ♪
♪ And knowing is
a comfortable fight ♪
♪ And you sigh at the rainbow ♪
♪ That's coming
from the other side ♪
♪ It's a slide with a message ♪
♪ This trouble seems
to give you some life ♪
♪ You're hanging
around the day ♪
♪ You're fooling yourself
with blame ♪
♪ You're taking it all
to a future site ♪
♪ Hanging around today ♪
the Jinn is or why he left.
I'll probably spend the rest
of my life wondering
if we ever had real love.
But every beat of your heart
is proof that you were
truly loved by someone.
My sister's son Sandy
leaving home
pretty much broke her heart.
She said he was in Florida.
I've written, texted,
called him for years.
Never once have I
heard back.
If he was with
his dad in Florida,
I would've heard from him.
You want to kill Wednesday.
We want to help you do that.
So you can get Odin's spear
out of Sweeney's hoard?
We will tell you the time
and the place of the attack.
You will receive instructions
on how to acquire the spear.
If you should fail
to hold up on your end,
you will die and
your friends'll die.
Some blood-craving Berserker
who was once signed
to protect me
has taken to slaughtering
my followers.
Your father sent me to get you.
He needs your help in a matter
of some urgency.
*AMERICAN GODS*
Season 03 Episode 08
Episode Title:
"The Rapture of Burning"
Aired on:
March 07, 2021
Help. Please.
I did nothing wrong.
I just...
They're gonna kill me.
Room 12.
Lock yourself in.
What can I do
for you gentlemen?
Police, ma'am.
Pursuing a fugitive.
Sexual pervert.
People throw that word
around a lot,
and I never understand
what they mean by it.
This particular individual
consorts with other men
with intent to commit sodomy.
My boy Jim here
just tricked him
into giving himself away
down at Smuggler's Cove.
Your boy going around
tricking people
doesn't sound
very nice.
Well, if it isn't
Jimmy O'Rourke.
Do you remember me, Jimmy?
I know I look
a bit different now,
but remember Homecoming?
Senior year?
Tony?
You do remember.
Now, nobody's here but my guests.
So you gentlemen
can go do your arresting
- somewhere else.
- Bullshit.
I'm not taking
the word of some broad.
I'm the most honest broad
you'll ever meet.
I always tell the truth.
If Toni says he's not here,
he's not here.
- If I find out you're lying...
- You won't.
♪ Baby, baby you will
learn and change someday
Why are you being
so good to me?
As far as you know,
I'm some criminal the cops are chasing.
When the cops
terrorize people like us,
then they become
the bad guys.
People like us?
You're attracted to men.
It's hard to know
who to trust.
Okay.
When I was born,
everyone said I was a boy.
Well, guess what?
They were wrong.
I was lucky to find you.
Yeah.
I almost shut
this place down last week.
Why?
No guests.
Not enough money.
But I thought I'd give it
another couple weeks.
I'm glad I did.
Long ago in China,
there was a young man
that fell in love
with a handsome
Imperial inspector...
...who had him beaten to death
for his affection.
But the young man
haunted his dreams,
and eventually,
the inspector built a temple
and declared the young man
a god and protector
of homosexual love.
I've been looking
for a new temple
ever since
I arrived in America
a hundred years ago.
Maybe we should
get you to a doctor.
I am Tu Er Shen,
the rabbit god.
You saved me.
And in return,
hospitable woman,
I bless you with a long
and happy and loving life.
I bless your
Grand Peacock Inn
with safety,
prosperity, and joy,
and I declare
this place a temple
for me and mine,
you and yours,
and all our kindred spirits.
Are you sure
you're okay to travel?
You might've been hit
harder than you think.
Still don't
believe me, do you?
I believe you are
an amazing storyteller.
Oh my God.
Are they real?
Oh!
Nope, just nerds.
Haha! Hi, Laura Moon!
Oh, fuck me.
It's another fuckin'
leprechaun.
I hate my life.
Let's go.
Welcome.
Are you with the Jamboree?
Oh, we so are not.
But I am looking for a guest
of yours, Liam Doyle?
Liam's our bartender.
Oh, good.
Where's the bar?
Only, uh, paying guests
are allowed on the property
during the Jamboree.
It's a private event.
Well, you should just way
overcharge me for a room, then.
We only have one room left.
Do you mind sharing?
Oh, it's fine.
I'm not staying.
Let me take your bag.
I'm Kai, by the way.
Um, it's nothing.
- Uh, I've got it.
- You sure?
It's my job, after all.
Uh, uh, here, I'll, uh,
take these to the room
for safekeeping.
Okay.
- Go find Doyle.
- Okay.
Was it something I said?
Oh, don't mind him.
He's just forgotten
how to have fun.
- Still no Wednesday.
- Mm.
He's probably
maintaining radio silence
to dodge the New Gods.
Same reason your father
sent me to get you in person.
He'll fill us in
at the Wolf's Den.
Which is what?
A roadside attraction.
A place... of power.
Uh, like, uh,
House on the Rock?
Hmm...
Might be Wednesday.
Ah, you fucker.
You okay, sir?
Oh, he's, uh, he's epileptic.
I've got this.
Buddy, I'm training
to be an EMT,
and that does not look
like a seizure.
I'm so sorry.
And who are you dressed as?
Uh, a woman who needs something
from a leprechaun's hoard.
You're Liam Doyle, right?
- Who's asking?
- Laura Moon.
There you go.
Don't fuck with me.
What the hell, guy?
Why is my fucking name
a problem for you?
Listen. I don't know
who you are,
but I don't believe in ghosts,
so why don't you go away
before I have Toni
throw you out?
You heard that I was dead.
I read your obituary.
So how the hell
are you standing here?
That's a really long story
that I may share with you
at some point.
But can you first
explain why on earth
you read my obituary?
Because I was hired
to kill you.
Wednesday got Sweeney
to kill me.
He hired me first.
Or... tried to.
I was a lawyer at the time.
You were a leprechaun lawyer?
Long story.
The point is,
I always kinda knew
that I was a bit of a scumbag,
but when the Lord
of All Scumbags
asked me to do
his dirty work,
I realized how far
I'd fallen.
I said no.
Then he destroyed
my lucky coin.
So, I lost my luck,
you died anyway.
And I washed up here.
Am I supposed to drink this?
It's my signature cocktail.
So, whose hoard are you
trying to crack?
Sweeney's.
Legendary trove.
But I can't get into
a strange hoard
with no coin.
What if I had Sweeney's coin?
You have his coin?
Will it get you
into his hoard?
It'd give me
my powers back.
What is it you
want me to find?
A weapon. A spear.
I can't.
Stealing from
someone else's hoard
is against the old
Hibernian Code.
Taking a weapon is worse.
And, anyway, I won't be
party to violence.
Why I didn't kill you
to begin with.
That's very sweet.
Um, if you could just hear me out.
I said, I can't.
Well, fuck you very much.
No one's sorrier than me.
You keep telling me that
you're going to fix me,
but I keep on...
Hey!
Snap out of it!
Da-da-da-da...
It's time to do things my way.
Find Bilquis.
She fucked me up.
Make her fix me.
Hm.
You must be far gone indeed
to put your faith
in the Old Gods
to solve your problem.
No fucking way.
Relax, it's been repurposed
to provide
a restorative process
by modulating the electro-chemical
neural impulses.
There is one being
in the multiverse
who will never fall
for techno-babble horseshit like that.
Moi.
I am a goddamn lord
of humanity and I will not...
Fuck me.
You've jumped
to a lot of shitty
conclusions about me.
You think that I want
the spear for violence?
That is categorically untrue.
- Is it?
- Yeah, after I was reanimated...
Again, long story...
Sweeney and I became...
...friends.
He hated himself
for murdering me,
so he gave me the coin
to prove how sorry he was.
Can we get
two, uh, Sapphire Fairies?
No leprechaun would
give up his lucky coin.
Yeah, I know.
That's how much he cared.
He also promised to get me
this fuckin' magic spear
so that I could use it
as self-defense
against that
rat-bastard Wednesday.
Then said rat-bastard
killed Sweeney.
So, I think that
Sweeney would want you
to help me get the spear.
Do you swear that's true?
I swear on
my grave... Graves.
I'll get you the spear.
But I keep the coin
as payment.
Sure. Fucking finally.
- Let's do this.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You don't think
you're coming with me?
Into Mad Sweeney's hoard?
Yeah, I've been in
Sweeney's hoard before.
- I lived through it.
- No.
I go alone
or I don't go at all.
Fine. Walking away.
Fuck!
Here to fix the bed?
This jalopy and I
go way back.
I have a special touch.
I take it you're not here
for the convention.
Why? Because I'm not
wearing wings?
If that's your look,
then that's a tough one.
Uh, homeless
Jackson Pollock?
No... Wait, I got it.
Lesbian Harry Potter.
It's just me.
God, you must be
really depressed.
Hey, I dunno
if this is your thing,
but there's this party later.
It's, uh,
part of the convention.
I-I'd love it if you came.
What kind of party?
I guess you'd
call it a pansexual
adventure-love-inn
where you can get
your uh, kinky boots on.
Completely safe and...
absolutely legendary.
Ready for action.
No pressure, but Toni is
the greatest hostess ever
and she brings it pretty hard
for this party every year,
so you don't wanna miss it.
Uh...
I mean, um, I haven't
received an invitation.
Oh! You have now.
This is your passport to...
...wherever you wanna go.
So you'll come?
Well, the fucking
leprechaun is a dick.
He said he needs Sweeney's
coin to access the hoard.
Only then, he wants
to keep it as payment.
Seems fair.
Are you kidding?
The moment he gets
his greasy little fingers
on that thing... poof.
No coin.
No spear.
No fucking leprechaun.
You think he's gonna steal it?
Why would he do
such a thing?
Because he's a lowlife.
This is the guy that Wednesday
tried to hire to kill me.
But that didn't happen.
No. No, he refused.
So, you don't trust the guy
who refused to kill you,
but you fell in love
with the guy who did?
Oh, my God, Salim.
I did not "fall in love"
with Sweeney.
We just went through
some shit together, okay?
You no longer need the coin
to stay alive, correct?
- No, but...
- But...
If you don't get the spear,
you can't kill Wednesday,
which means you will die.
Along with me and Shadow.
Yes, that's technically true.
Since Doyle is the only one
who can get the spear,
seems like a risk
worth taking.
Yeah. Maybe if you're
some fucking rube
who just fell off
the turnip truck.
I have no idea
what that means,
but what I do know is
if you let go
of Sweeney's coin
or his ashes,
you will be acknowledging
the harsh reality
that he is dead.
And you will have to grieve.
And it will hurt.
But it's the only way
for you to move on.
Says the guy who refuses
to ditch his M.I.A.
boyfriend's
butt-ugly sweater.
Yes.
Like that.
My Jinn.
Your Sweeney.
They're not coming back,
but we can't let go.
What the fuck?
What the fuck did you do to me?
You change your mind?
Ah! You go into the hoard.
You get the spear.
You bring it back to me.
I've seen how
this shit works,
so I know it should only
take a couple seconds.
If you don't come back,
if you fuck with me
in any way,
I will become your worst
fucking nightmare.
Got it?
I gave you my word.
Well, then.
Wish me luck.
I'm guessing you're the one
who's been killing
Wednesday's followers.
Regrettably, yes.
What is that?
Oh, it's a scaffold
used to display a body
in the old way,
with the ribs splayed open.
What are you?
I am a god of justice
bringing divine retribution
down upon your father.
Yeah, I gotta
give you that. He...
He is one selfish,
lying fuck. But, uh...
Please let me know
why I'm being murdered.
Back when I,
not Odin,
was lord of the Norse gods,
Loki fathered a monstrous
wolf named Fenrir.
The beast was uncontrollable,
laying waste to
everything in its path.
So, in secret,
we forged an unbreakable chain to bind him.
Odin, always the conman,
challenged Fenrir to prove
his might by escaping it.
Fenrir demanded
that Odin place his hand
in his jaws
for insurance.
Odin refused.
But I,
knowing that the wolf's
reign of terror must end,
offered myself.
My sacrifice saved us all from destruction,
but your father used it
to mock and belittle me.
My name, my deeds,
nearly forgotten.
And he's never paid
any price for it...
Until now.
How about you quit feeling
sorry for yourself
and watch where you're going,
you self-absorbed fuck.
You.
It's about fucking time!
You broke me.
You owe me.
Now fix me.
I didn't break you.
I awakened you
to feelings that were
already inside you.
You are the one choosing
and I stress "choosing"...
to stay awake.
Does it look like I've got
a choice to do anything?
I couldn't even scratch
my own fucking balls if I wanted to.
Well, I'm not scratching 'em
for you, douche canoe.
On account I'm not here.
I'm not really Bilquis,
you twerp.
I am a manifestation
of your subconscious.
I don't have a subconscious.
You do now, motherfucker.
After everything
I have done for you.
You are such
an ungrateful cooze.
- Oh!
- Keep talking like that,
pussy boy, and I'm gonna rip
these little girls off
so you never have
to scratch 'em again.
You couldn't if you used both
hands and a fucking chainsaw.
Because none of this
is happening.
The head grabber's
doing all of this.
The head grabber ain't shit
and you know it.
World is just
keeping you on ice.
He's the one who's
got you by the balls.
Focus, shit-for-brains!
You're Dorothy,
and I'm gonna tell you
how to get back to Kansas.
You can fix
these glitches yourself.
You always could.
How?
They happen when
you feel a strong emotion
and try to repress it.
What is it with
this emotion bullshit?
I don't do emotion.
Try to keep up
with me here, dim bulb.
You are awake.
You can't unthink a thought.
Repress what you are feeling;
You will snap in two.
Let them come,
whatever they are:
Mad, sad, glad, scared.
Just don't deny them;
Don't act on them.
Let them come,
and then let them go.
Tell me what you are feeling.
Pissed off.
I am really fucking angry.
About... what?
I want World to get his
fucking boot off my neck.
Then find Artifact One.
How the fuck am I
supposed to do that
when I am stuck in here?
Isn't it enough
that I am beautiful and mysterious?
Does your fucking subconscious
have to do everything for you?
Salim, right?
Is everything okay?
No. Yes.
Uh, I don't know.
N-never mind.
Uh-huh. Are you going
to the party?
Kai invited me,
but he didn't,
uh, I didn't...
I didn't know...
Everybody says
this is a safe place,
but I don't-I don't feel
very safe right now.
Feel free to tell me
to mind my own business,
but is it possible
you feel ashamed?
Shame?
Because sometimes unsafe
and ashamed can feel similar,
but shame is a whole lot
of made-up bullshit.
But I've worked
through that. I...
I didn't feel ashamed;
I felt proud.
Happy.
I trusted in God
that love is never wrong.
Maybe God is trying
to tell me something.
Maybe He's trying
to tell me
I've been wrong
this whole time.
Come to the party.
Try being your true self,
in your own right.
It may feel scary at first,
but you'll be safe.
I promise you.
Maybe that's what God
is offering you.
Maybe just for one night.
Take your time.
We'll be here.
Wait.
May I have the honor
of escorting you inside?
May I kiss you?
Yes.
May I?
Whatever you want.
You floss every day?
I always wonder why
people do or don't.
Just another roadside
attraction.
Hope you haven't
touched the boy.
This is just
between you and me.
We were once brothers, Tyr.
But now I see our story
ends in discord...
...and blood.
And over what?
Jealousy.
Pathetic.
You think this is
about Demeter?
She's just one of your
countless crimes.
You're a usurper!
Usurping the entire world
with this endless war of yours!
I won't allow it!
And you would murder
my son to stop me.
Submit to me; He goes free.
Has he been telling you
his sob story
about how the big bad wolf
bit his hand off?
Always the victim, huh, Tyr?
My life is yours.
Let Shadow go.
Done.
Do you believe him?
Sure I believe him.
Tyr's honesty is
his biggest weakness.
Greatest strength.
Weakness.
You bested me only
by deceiving me, huh?
Donating to the cause
while murdering my followers.
Oh, I counted on you
to underestimate me.
Oh, you surprised me;
I'll give you that.
And you in turn.
I never thought you
would give up your life
for your son.
Well, I never said
I was gonna do that.
We settle this the old way.
So be it.
I'm sorry, Shadow.
Because of your interference,
justice demands that
I take your life.
But, rest assured,
the death I give you
will be merciful
compared to your...
So long!
Shadow, my boy,
you've always wanted
a normal life.
Now, you can have it.
Your obligation to me has been fulfilled.
I'm proud of the man
you have become.
Don't forget to ditch the car.
No, no, no, no.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
F...
Fuck you too.
I didn't mean to wake you.
Last night was...
...wonderful.
Glad you came?
More than you know.
Uh, Laura...
Morning.
-Uh, this is
-Hot Bellhop. Hi.
Uh... Beat it?
Salim, we need to talk.
You leaving today?
Well...
then...
Goodbye, sweet Salim.
Thank you, Hot Bellhop.
Truly.
Thank you.
Bye.
So you got the spear?
Uh, no.
I did not.
The leprechaun
fucked me over.
Took the coin and vamoosed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm the one who
told you to trust him.
No, it's my fault.
You're naive. I shouldn't
have listened to you.
Ouch.
No, it's a nice thing.
You see the best in people
even when they're coming
to rip your heart out.
Which is why I need you
to listen to me.
What are you planning?
Well, uh, I failed
to get the spear,
which means that I probably
won't be able to kill Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell
still gonna try.
But, if I fuck it up,
you know the terms
of the deal.
Some of us objected
to those terms.
Yes, I know.
I fucked that up too, okay?
Um, so, they're gonna kill me.
Again. Whatever.
I'm gonna go and
warn Shadow, but, um...
I need you
to stay here,
like here in this hotel,
where you're gonna be safe.
No.
No, I'm not hiding anymore.
I'll come with you.
No, dude.
The worst possible place
that you can be
when all this goes down
is anywhere near me.
Fine, then I'll travel.
- See the world.
- No, you have to stay safe.
Why do you care?
Because I fucking care
about you, Salim!
Okay? Jesus Christ!
Let's just leave it at that.
I love you too, Laura Moon.
Like I said: You see good
in all the wrong places.
If this is where our roads
part for now, so be it.
But I'm not running
from myself anymore.
And I'll be damned if I'm going
to run from the New Gods.
I am going to live my life
as I please.
Okay.
Well, that sounds, uh,
super brave and shit.
For what it's worth, I think
you're being a total moron.
But, okay.
We all make our own choices.
It'll be all right.
Inshallah.
If God wills it.
Uh-huh.
Um.
Where's your sweater?
Um...
I don't know.
I lost it.
Good.
Um...
Cool. Bye.
Hey.
Lakeside, Wisconsin,
please. One way.
All right. We've got one in a half hour,
and then 6:11 tonight.
What time do you
want to leave?
Can you scratch that?
Make it Jacksonville.
Hey, jackass.
So, um...
I fucked everything up,
again...
As usual.
They told me in Purgatory
that not everything
is always my fault,
but... it sure
fucking feels like it.
And um...
I guess that's what I...
...liked about you?
Everything was always
your fault, too.
Just a couple of assholes.
Okay. Uh...
Um, fuck you.
Goodbye.
What the fuck
kind of hoard was that?
What is wrong with that guy?
He had a pooka in there,
I mean a, a full-on Harvey.
Batshit out of its mind,
12-feet tall and hungry.
I really didn't think
you were coming back.
Me too. Shit!
Well, I finally found
your damn spear.
What a fucking mess.
Hey, I'm not done
with you yet.
That's not just
for protection.
That's Gungnir,
Odin's spear.
What do you really plan
to do with that?
Uh, I'm gonna kill Wednesday.
♪ Well, you like
what you're given ♪
♪ A lot of us
are standing in line ♪
♪ And you'll find
that you're missing ♪
♪ What others thought you had
all the time ♪
♪ And it's high,
but you're reaching ♪
♪ The trees are getting
harder to climb ♪
♪ So you try to begin there ♪
♪ 'Cause life is such
a wonderful slide ♪
♪ You're hanging
around the day ♪
♪ You're fooling yourself... ♪
Allahu Akbar.
♪ You're taking it all
to a future site ♪
♪ Hanging around today ♪
♪ God only knows
what you're missing ♪
♪ Well, you know
where you're going ♪
♪ And knowing is
a comfortable fight ♪
♪ And you sigh at the rainbow ♪
♪ That's coming
from the other side ♪
♪ It's a slide with a message ♪
♪ This trouble seems
to give you some life ♪
♪ You're hanging
around the day ♪
♪ You're fooling yourself
with blame ♪
♪ You're taking it all
to a future site ♪
♪ Hanging around today ♪