American Gods (2017–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Episode #3.2 - full transcript
...War is coming, Shadow.
And if I don't have
the loyalty of my own son,
how can I expect support
from anyone else?
You were supposed to go
to Lakeside.
I don't do your bidding anymore.
We're done.
You are on a path
from nothing to everything.
I can help you. Don't lose this.
What about Lakeside?
You got an apartment
waiting for you there.
I'm good.
Chicago, please. One way.
I do have one.
- Leaving for Lakeside,
Wisconsin.
Hey, mister!
My friend, here,
Alison...
Have a great night.
Ann-Marie Hinzelmann.
You the fellow
that needs a ride?
When the Great
River gave birth to the First Ones,
they asked Inaemehkiwok,
the Thunderbird,
to watch over our people.
Inaemehkiwok welcomed
the Great Sun to warm us.
Summoned the rain to make
the crops grow,
and battled Misikinubik,
the Great Horned Snake.
♪
Inaemehkiwok.
♪
♪
The cop, Chad... something,
he just dropped me off.
The key broke off in the lock.
Other half, it's in
my left hoodie pocket.
Left side.
Turn around.
I was wondering
when you'd show up.
♪
My name's Mike, by the way.
Mike Ainsel.
Wait here.
Next time you get locked out,
knock on the door before
you go breaking and entering.
I didn't catch your name,
by the way.
"Property Manager" works.
Shadow Moon.
♪
♪
I can't seem to save anything.
It just keeps crashing.
Interesting, ma'am.
When was the last time
you did a system upgrade?
Ah!
What do you think you're doing?
You know the rules.
Okay. Stop.
No... touching.
All these games we play...
none of them work.
You do not lay hands on me.
You've never done this before.
I can't touch you?
I own the biggest IT company
in the world.
Everyone wants
something from me.
Everyone wants
what I have to give.
It's like I'm a fucking god.
So I come here to
restore some balance.
Because I thought that you were
different than the others.
There are no others like me.
Oh. Oh, I see.
You're special.
As a matter of fact,
I am special.
Because I choose
to spend my time with you.
No!
Because I am a goddess.
You're smoke and mirrors.
And you're a showgirl.
And this is your stage, bought and paid for
by William Huntington Sanders.
But you can call me Bill.
You have no idea who I am.
I know exactly who you are.
But I will show you.
♪
Is this what you wanted?
I am Bilquis.
Mother of all beauty.
I'm sorry.
I am the color of the sky!
I give light to the sun!
You...
...are nothing.
♪
♪
My dearest Shadow.
We must speak of your head
and your heart.
Please attend.
Urgently, Zorya Polunochnaya.
Also, don't forget
to bring the coin.
♪
For heaven's sake, Mike,
get in the car before
you get hypothermia!
In weather like this,
you're out there
for five minutes
with improper attire,
and well, the only ride
you're gonna need
is to the coroner's
in Eau Claire.
I was walking into town
to buy a jacket.
It's a good thing you're pretty.
Ah! Look at
the beautiful clunker.
Clunker?
Every year, we take a wreck,
we put it out on the lake,
and then, folks guess
the date and the time
when it'll break through
the ice come spring.
And then, the winner splits
the pot with the high school.
It's really fun.
You're gonna love it.
Now, while Lakeside
is known for its fishing,
it's the to-die-for pasties
that put us on the map.
Every delicious bite
is like a warm hug.
But you know what really
makes this place special?
The people.
- Everyone here genuinely cares
for their neighbor.
It's in everything we do.
This spirit
was passed down to us
by the town's first citizen and benefactor,
Lester Hamilton.
And when he died,
he left Lakeside his fortune
so that its citizens
would continue to prosper.
All he asked in return
was that we honor
some of his favorite
Old World traditions.
So every year,
we hold an ice festival
to celebrate his generosity
and give thanks
for our magical little town
and its Nordic heritage.
I think you're gonna
like it here.
Rat-Faced Irresistible.
The trout'll jump
into your frying pan
once word gets out
you got one of these babies.
You talking this poor man's
ear off, Ann-Marie?
Lee Hennings, proprietor.
Mike Ainsel.
What can we do for you,
Mr. Ainsel?
You need to get this fella
into something warmer
than a sweatshirt.
Nothing too hardcore.
Not sure how long
I'll be in this part
of the country for.
He's the new tenant
on Gorman Street.
Gorman? Heh.
We were wondering when somebody
was gonna move in there.
Welcome.
Alison, can you show Mr. Ainsel
the parkas, please?
And we've got some great
after-Christmas sales
on sweaters, too.
Thanks.
Hey. I remember you.
Last night, outside of the bus,
um, my friend and I
were being jerks. I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
I was having a bad day.
Made me smile.
Um, okay.
Uh, well, here are the parkas.
And, um, here are
the on-sale sweaters,
although, personally,
I'd avoid the Christmas ones.
They're super lame.
Right. Okay.
Let's see what
this one looks like.
Okay.
What do you think?
Amazing.
I mean... I mean it seems
to fit you really well.
Well, that is
good enough for me.
I will take it.
Right, these sweaters.
Anything in reindeer?
Uh, yeah, yes, I do.
What say we sell Mr. Ainsel
a clunker ticket, Alison?
I was just about to ask.
Okay.
Just need to, uh,
pick a date and a time.
♪
When do you think it will go
through the ice?
♪
March 23rd.
7 p.m. till 8 p.m.
Okay. Uh, most people
pick more than one day.
But, uh, I guess
this is your strategy.
That's it.
Okay. Well,
I guess I gotta admire
a man who goes with his instincts.
Good luck. Five dollars.
♪
Now...
which one of your teeth...
are loose, huh?
Is it this one here? Ho!
Whoa.
Now that wasn't so bad, was it?
No. Hey, I'll tell you what,
I'll pay you twice
the Tooth Fairy's going rate
if I may keep this molar
for my research.
Yeah!
♪
♪
When did our soldiers
first carry
our totems into battle?
When Gudfred fucked up
that Frankish business.
The last time was Yorktown.
We abandoned our post
as Hessian Jaegers
and joined Washington's ranks.
Half the art of war is knowing
when to switch sides.
Mm.
You have done well for yourself.
Oh, I'm comfortable.
Tyr, the warlord, comfortable?
Well, the gladiator's bloodlust
doesn't make for a very
lucrative business.
Ha! But if it's
a war god you want...
All I want from you
is a donation.
Oh, I'm flattered.
♪
You came all this way
when you could have put
the touch on me in Chicago.
At the Koliada?
Hum...
Oh, yeah.
Chicago.
For Zorya Vechernyaya.
Couldn't wait 'til then?
Prosecuting the war is
an all-consuming endeavor.
Things come up all the time,
last minute.
Memorials are all well and good,
but we both know
that an eye for an eye
don't come cheap.
Well, anything for the cause.
Should I make it out to...?
"Cash" will be just fine.
Very generous.
How are your teeth?
Nice try.
- Oh, top of the morning
to you, Sal!
All right, where was I?
Oh, right!
Okay, Lakeside News is
just down that-a-way.
It was started
by Zachary Morgan in 1902.
He died of syphilis
wearing a diaper,
poor fella.
Nice. Um, so actually...
Andy! I hope you're looking
for a present for your wife!
Your anniversary is coming up.
He happens to forget things
like annual marital events,
like anniversaries.
Mabel's Restaurant
is right over here,
and the pasties,
as I mentioned earlier,
are the best things ever.
You know,
she inherited the recipe
from her grandmother,
who brought it over here
from Cornwall.
If I could just
sneak in a quick question
about where to rent a car.
Oh, that's Eau Claire, that...
I heard from Martha
that Kathy's
unmentionables were stolen
right from her laundry basket!
I know, I know, I know.
Let's not all get in a fuss
over the Piggly Wiggly
rumor mill.
- Oh, hey, Ann-Marie.
- Hi, Chad.
Oh, Mike. I see Lee Henning's
taken good care of you.
Now you're lookin' more local.
Lot warmer at least.
What's Meg Gunther
in a lather about?
Lingerie.
Apparently, three pairs
of her days-of-the-week
underwear:
Wednesday, Thursday,
and Saturday,
all went missing from the dryer.
So, in her mind, we have a, uh,
panty thief on the loose.
See, Mike,
this is what qualifies
as major crime here in Lakeside.
You know, if you're rich,
you live in Monte Carlo.
And if you're famous,
you live in California.
But if you're lucky,
you live here in... in Lakeside.
Oh, shoot. I'm supposed
to meet Bart up at the inlet.
I am so sorry. Um, hey, Chad,
could you get
our newest resident
situated with a pasty?
Oh, you don't have
to ask me twice.
- I'm starving.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- You're gonna love it.
You know, interestingly, uh,
Mabel's amazing pasty recipe,
she actually inherited
from her grandmother.
Came all the way from Cornwall.
Grab a seat.
How you doing
this morning, sweetie?
Hey, Mabel, this is Mike.
He's staying up
at the spot on Gorman.
Oh, it's nice to meet you, Mike.
- Hey.
- Can I show you
a menu, hon?
Uh, well,
everyone's been talking
about these pasties.
Uh, one pasty
on the house it is.
It's complimentary
to first-time customers.
Ah, thank you.
Can I get a coffee too?
I already know what
this cowboy's having.
Chief Mulligan.
Hey, there.
What's good?
Ah, don't leave me
hanging, dawg.
You know Derek?
Ah, no.
I think he just wants me
to know he's down.
So, uh, what do you do
for a living, Mike?
Uh, just working
for my uncle right now.
What's he do?
He runs an import-export
business.
Oh, yeah? What kind?
Antiques, mostly.
I sound like a cop, don't I?
Little bit.
Yeah, that's a force of habit.
Jeez, Mike, I'm sorry.
- I don't mean to pry.
- It's all good.
Here you go, gents.
Oh, thank you.
Now, careful.
If you leave here hungry,
it's your own dang fault.
Mmm...
Ho!
So good.
Careful. They're addictive.
You might know.
Is there anywhere closer
than Eau Claire to rent a car?
♪
Hey, there.
Look who I got with me.
Hi, Chad.
Mr. Ainsel.
Ms. Property Manager.
So, you two have met.
At gun point.
Mr. Ainsel tried to break
into his apartment last night.
Due to a key malfunction.
Fortunately, no one was hurt.
Well, the wiser course of action
would have been to call
your local law enforcement.
Hmm. Uh, Mike here is looking
for some transportation,
and, uh, Sandy's old beater
came to mind.
The car is not for sale.
Uh, it's, uh...
been parked out back
better part of two years now.
Possible 10-99.
Bag of laundry taken out
of Mariel Larson's Ford Flex.
Bandit strikes again.
10-76.
♪
For the record,
I was only lookin'
to rent the car.
Just trying to get to Chicago.
♪
What's in Chicago?
Memorial service for a friend.
I leave this afternoon.
You may want
to wait a day or two.
The interstate's always
a mess after a storm.
I need to be there tonight.
But I'll be back tomorrow.
A hundred dollars
for the two days.
Bring it back like you found it.
If I get it cleaned up?
A hundred and fifty.
That's the only key.
Try not to break it.
Thank you.
♪
Allahu akbar.
What brings you back to Cairo?
"My new mission is
of vital importance
to Mr. Wednesday.
I don't know
how long it will take
or how long I will be gone.
Consider this the end
of our journey.
Don't look for me."
So you know nothing
of this "mission"?
I haven't seen or heard anything
from Mr. Wednesday in months.
All I know is whatever task
Wednesday has demanded
of the Jinn,
it has driven us apart.
But perhaps the Jinn
made up his own mind?
Feelings can change.
If he truly does not love me,
I need to hear him say it
to my face.
Well, I'm due in Chicago
for the festival of Koliada.
The Old Gods are assembling
to honor the ascendance
of Zorya Vechernyaya's soul.
And the Jinn will be there?
Uh, it's... possible.
I would endure
the seven gates of hell
to know the truth in his heart.
♪
♪
♪ I... know you
won't come back ♪
♪ And I... know
that it might be my fault ♪
♪ And I've... got a lot to... ♪
I'm off to the store, Sandy.
Mom. I'm recording.
Oh, sorry. Listen, don't forget,
you promised to pick up Leon
after practice. Okay?
I loved every moment together
with you, Zorya.
But I hated
the food you cooked...
...with my entire soul.
I'm sorry.
Every meal worse than the last.
I wish you a safe journey home.
My friends.
To our beloved
Zorya Vechernyaya.
Skol!
♪
What the hell
are you doing here?
I said, what the hell
are you doing here?
Out. You were not invited.
Neither was I! But here I am.
Oh, shit.
Without our evening star
to guide us, the firmament
is forever dimmed!
Oh, the two of them!
Shouldn't you be in Lakeside?
Look, she was a special lady.
I didn't come for any trouble.
Gifts go over there to table.
Yeah, I brought, I brought...
Yeah. The same pile. Gift.
The cigarette, I want.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Very well done.
The kid's learning.
But, you missed the most
important bit of all.
From the finest cheese
laboratory in Hovedstaden,
thrice-fumed Havarti to ease
the pain of loss, comrade.
And for Zorya Utrennyaya,
a token that you may
temporarily escape
the agony of losing a sister.
She was a cold-hearted,
sexy bitch.
And why she liked you,
I don't understand.
It's beyond me.
And you, I think we have
some unfinished business.
I don't care if you try
to cover that nice skull.
My hammer still has
an appointment with it.
Pretty sure that's not
why I was invited.
You were not invited.
Well, definitely
on the guest list.
Outstanding calligraphy.
It's a lost art.
Your sister invited him.
Can I pay my respects now?
Yes, you can pay your respect
by going up to the roof. Now.
Tonight, you and I
will drink ourselves stupid,
piss ourselves,
and remember
the wisdom and beauty
of Zorya Vechernyaya.
Hey, you take that name
out of your mouth.
Oh, this is not
the place or the time...
Votan! Listen, you did this.
You as good as pulled
the trigger of the gun
that ended her life.
She was murdered
by shared enemies.
The balls on you, Votan.
Are you here to pay
your respect to Zorya?
I don't think so. You're here
because of your stupid war.
Is that a sin?
I came here to mourn the death
of someone who once
owned my heart,
and at the same time
find myself surrounded
by Slavic deities
of every stripe.
A cotillion of allies
to be recruited to our cause.
Or... have you
forgotten our cause?
Has it slipped your mind
that you, Czernobog,
the Dark One,
swore an oath to me?
To the evening star.
To the evening star.
♪
I like the hair.
Much better look.
It was time for a change.
Did you bring the coin?
Yeah.
I carry it everywhere.
Because you are just like it.
Always half in light,
half in shadow.
Part of you always hidden
from sight.
The stars tell that
a day is coming when
you will face two paths.
You must choose which way
your destiny unfolds.
The only destiny I want
is a normal life.
You say that, but...
...your head and your heart
are not in agreement.
Half of you comes from
the All-Father.
It tempts you. His power,
his... history.
Okay, this is what I want.
I want no more riddles.
You know? No... no more
cryptic answers.
The stars can only
reveal so much.
But, when you cannot
see your way,
the night sky will guide you.
♪
That was worth the drive.
♪
Ah, these New Gods,
that killed our beloved Zorya,
if they want a war,
bring me war, huh?
Now, hear me, Czernobog!
I, Votan, the All-Father,
swear to avenge Zorya's death!
And invite all, and any,
hot-blooded bastards
to help restore honor
to the true gods!
♪
Wow. He really did invite
everyone but me.
Nice lift.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
The postcard.
What, I wouldn't notice?
But before you pay her a visit,
ask yourself if you have
anything to offer her
except for heartache.
Stay in your fucking lane.
♪
My boy.
You asshole, Wednesday!
You lied to me!
Oh, well, now,
"salaam aleikum"
to you too, brother.
The hell with that!
You sent him away!
I did not!
That sodomite hates me
with every hair
on his chinny-chin-chin.
Please. I need to find him.
After the way he pumped
and dumped you?
Get over it.
Hey.
You should have let
the leprechaun kill him.
One day you'll thank me.
- I'm, uh... I'm out.
- Uh-huh.
Back to Lakeside?
The place grows on you,
doesn't it?
Nearly froze to death twice
and almost got my head
blown off.
But, yeah, food's good.
I'll be in touch, Miguel.
♪
♪
I thought my ride was sexy.
What's your hustle?
You a sugar baby?
You got daddy issues?
I'm just doing me.
Which means what?
Playing the old man's fiancée?
That would be a no.
I'm on the all-girls squad.
So, how'd you end up with him?
Oh, his Craigslist
post was dope,
so I replied, "interested".
Next thing I know,
I'm driving Betty
and getting paid in cash.
All right. You know what?
I don't care.
My junior year of Hunter,
I got kicked out,
arrested for hacking.
Up to my ass in debt.
When along comes
the perfect job,
right when I needed it.
Craigslist.
He paid off
my legal bills and tuition.
I help him with...
um, tech stuff.
Well, the good news is,
on account of me,
you can now reach
your old man,
day or night.
What happened
to the phone booths?
Right? Hella progress.
Look, I got all sorts
of shit with my old man,
but maybe consider your Pops
isn't a complete
fucking asshole.
Now, that is a stretch.
Heh. I hear you.
But if you ever need
a friendly voice,
I get it, not him,
just call the number.
You'll get me, at least.
All right, listen.
When it all gets
too much to handle,
and it will.
Likewise.
What the hell
is going on in there?
Wednesday.
♪
♪
Hey, Mabel.
Yes?
Ah. If I have another one
of those pasties,
I'm gonna want four more.
So I am gonna take it easy
and I will have, uh,
bacon and wheat toast, please.
Everything all right?
♪
Hey, Chad!
Hey, Mike.
I'm gonna have to ask you
some questions.
You left for Chicago
about 4 p.m.
You stop for gas
before you left town?
Thank you.
Yeah.
The, uh, the CITGO at, uh, Main.
What's up?
Alison McGovern didn't show up
to school or work yesterday.
No one's seen or heard from her
since her shift ended
at Hennings the previous day.
Gotta understand, Mike,
this is nothing personal.
We're going to go
over your whereabouts
for the past 72.
And Mike, I need you be
as specific as you can.
Sure. It took about
seven hours to get to Chicago.
You were there for
a memorial service.
This a family member?
Friend of my uncle's.
Yeah, I stayed at the, um,
Freehand Hotel, East Ohio.
And drove back this morning.
The windshield?
I hit a deer on Route 36.
The mechanic shop in
Stevens Point fixed it.
Okay, Mike. I am gonna need you
to write down
the exact route
that you took
so we can confirm that with
highway surveillance cameras.
♪
Also gonna need
to hang on to the vehicle
for a Luminol test.
Sure.
Fuck it.
♪
Hey, Mike. Wait, is...
Is that for the fireplace
you're not allowed to use?
You know what? Just shoot me.
Okay? For real this time.
Because it's a lot
quicker way to go
than just freezing to death.
I think maybe you and I
got off on the wrong foot.
I spoke to Chad.
He said your story checks out.
Chicago, the windshield.
I'm sorry.
Anything on Alison?
Talked to some of her friends.
No one knows any reason
why she might have left town
or where she could've gone.
The family's putting up fliers
and asking for volunteers
to help in a search.
Let me know if I can help.
Look, Mike...
The thing with the shotgun.
That wasn't cool.
No. It wasn't.
I had the breaker for
the furnace turned off.
No one was living here.
Why heat an empty place?
Oh, uh, almost forgot
to give you this.
I got the guys at
the body shop to save it.
Figured your son might
want it when he got back.
Where's he at school? You didn't say.
Florida.
Nice. What's he studying?
Uh, if your heat goes out,
or you want some help
insulating those windows,
you know where to find me.
♪
♪ Little Margaret, sitting in
her high hall chair ♪
♪ She saw sweet William
and his new-made bride ♪
♪ Riding up the road so near ♪
♪ She threw down
her ivory comb ♪
♪ Threw back her long
yellow hair ♪
♪ Said, "I'll go down and
I'll bid him farewell ♪
♪ And I'll nevermore go there" ♪
♪ It was late in the night
They were fast asleep ♪
♪ Little Margaret appeared
all dressed in white ♪
♪ Standing at their bed-feet ♪
♪ For I want to kiss
those cold, cold lips ♪
♪ For I know they'll never ♪
♪ Kiss mine ♪
♪ Three times he kissed
her cold, cold hand ♪
♪ Twice he kissed her cheek ♪
♪ But once he kissed
her cold cold lips ♪
♪ Then he fell in her arms
asleep ♪
And if I don't have
the loyalty of my own son,
how can I expect support
from anyone else?
You were supposed to go
to Lakeside.
I don't do your bidding anymore.
We're done.
You are on a path
from nothing to everything.
I can help you. Don't lose this.
What about Lakeside?
You got an apartment
waiting for you there.
I'm good.
Chicago, please. One way.
I do have one.
- Leaving for Lakeside,
Wisconsin.
Hey, mister!
My friend, here,
Alison...
Have a great night.
Ann-Marie Hinzelmann.
You the fellow
that needs a ride?
When the Great
River gave birth to the First Ones,
they asked Inaemehkiwok,
the Thunderbird,
to watch over our people.
Inaemehkiwok welcomed
the Great Sun to warm us.
Summoned the rain to make
the crops grow,
and battled Misikinubik,
the Great Horned Snake.
♪
Inaemehkiwok.
♪
♪
The cop, Chad... something,
he just dropped me off.
The key broke off in the lock.
Other half, it's in
my left hoodie pocket.
Left side.
Turn around.
I was wondering
when you'd show up.
♪
My name's Mike, by the way.
Mike Ainsel.
Wait here.
Next time you get locked out,
knock on the door before
you go breaking and entering.
I didn't catch your name,
by the way.
"Property Manager" works.
Shadow Moon.
♪
♪
I can't seem to save anything.
It just keeps crashing.
Interesting, ma'am.
When was the last time
you did a system upgrade?
Ah!
What do you think you're doing?
You know the rules.
Okay. Stop.
No... touching.
All these games we play...
none of them work.
You do not lay hands on me.
You've never done this before.
I can't touch you?
I own the biggest IT company
in the world.
Everyone wants
something from me.
Everyone wants
what I have to give.
It's like I'm a fucking god.
So I come here to
restore some balance.
Because I thought that you were
different than the others.
There are no others like me.
Oh. Oh, I see.
You're special.
As a matter of fact,
I am special.
Because I choose
to spend my time with you.
No!
Because I am a goddess.
You're smoke and mirrors.
And you're a showgirl.
And this is your stage, bought and paid for
by William Huntington Sanders.
But you can call me Bill.
You have no idea who I am.
I know exactly who you are.
But I will show you.
♪
Is this what you wanted?
I am Bilquis.
Mother of all beauty.
I'm sorry.
I am the color of the sky!
I give light to the sun!
You...
...are nothing.
♪
♪
My dearest Shadow.
We must speak of your head
and your heart.
Please attend.
Urgently, Zorya Polunochnaya.
Also, don't forget
to bring the coin.
♪
For heaven's sake, Mike,
get in the car before
you get hypothermia!
In weather like this,
you're out there
for five minutes
with improper attire,
and well, the only ride
you're gonna need
is to the coroner's
in Eau Claire.
I was walking into town
to buy a jacket.
It's a good thing you're pretty.
Ah! Look at
the beautiful clunker.
Clunker?
Every year, we take a wreck,
we put it out on the lake,
and then, folks guess
the date and the time
when it'll break through
the ice come spring.
And then, the winner splits
the pot with the high school.
It's really fun.
You're gonna love it.
Now, while Lakeside
is known for its fishing,
it's the to-die-for pasties
that put us on the map.
Every delicious bite
is like a warm hug.
But you know what really
makes this place special?
The people.
- Everyone here genuinely cares
for their neighbor.
It's in everything we do.
This spirit
was passed down to us
by the town's first citizen and benefactor,
Lester Hamilton.
And when he died,
he left Lakeside his fortune
so that its citizens
would continue to prosper.
All he asked in return
was that we honor
some of his favorite
Old World traditions.
So every year,
we hold an ice festival
to celebrate his generosity
and give thanks
for our magical little town
and its Nordic heritage.
I think you're gonna
like it here.
Rat-Faced Irresistible.
The trout'll jump
into your frying pan
once word gets out
you got one of these babies.
You talking this poor man's
ear off, Ann-Marie?
Lee Hennings, proprietor.
Mike Ainsel.
What can we do for you,
Mr. Ainsel?
You need to get this fella
into something warmer
than a sweatshirt.
Nothing too hardcore.
Not sure how long
I'll be in this part
of the country for.
He's the new tenant
on Gorman Street.
Gorman? Heh.
We were wondering when somebody
was gonna move in there.
Welcome.
Alison, can you show Mr. Ainsel
the parkas, please?
And we've got some great
after-Christmas sales
on sweaters, too.
Thanks.
Hey. I remember you.
Last night, outside of the bus,
um, my friend and I
were being jerks. I'm sorry.
Don't worry about it.
I was having a bad day.
Made me smile.
Um, okay.
Uh, well, here are the parkas.
And, um, here are
the on-sale sweaters,
although, personally,
I'd avoid the Christmas ones.
They're super lame.
Right. Okay.
Let's see what
this one looks like.
Okay.
What do you think?
Amazing.
I mean... I mean it seems
to fit you really well.
Well, that is
good enough for me.
I will take it.
Right, these sweaters.
Anything in reindeer?
Uh, yeah, yes, I do.
What say we sell Mr. Ainsel
a clunker ticket, Alison?
I was just about to ask.
Okay.
Just need to, uh,
pick a date and a time.
♪
When do you think it will go
through the ice?
♪
March 23rd.
7 p.m. till 8 p.m.
Okay. Uh, most people
pick more than one day.
But, uh, I guess
this is your strategy.
That's it.
Okay. Well,
I guess I gotta admire
a man who goes with his instincts.
Good luck. Five dollars.
♪
Now...
which one of your teeth...
are loose, huh?
Is it this one here? Ho!
Whoa.
Now that wasn't so bad, was it?
No. Hey, I'll tell you what,
I'll pay you twice
the Tooth Fairy's going rate
if I may keep this molar
for my research.
Yeah!
♪
♪
When did our soldiers
first carry
our totems into battle?
When Gudfred fucked up
that Frankish business.
The last time was Yorktown.
We abandoned our post
as Hessian Jaegers
and joined Washington's ranks.
Half the art of war is knowing
when to switch sides.
Mm.
You have done well for yourself.
Oh, I'm comfortable.
Tyr, the warlord, comfortable?
Well, the gladiator's bloodlust
doesn't make for a very
lucrative business.
Ha! But if it's
a war god you want...
All I want from you
is a donation.
Oh, I'm flattered.
♪
You came all this way
when you could have put
the touch on me in Chicago.
At the Koliada?
Hum...
Oh, yeah.
Chicago.
For Zorya Vechernyaya.
Couldn't wait 'til then?
Prosecuting the war is
an all-consuming endeavor.
Things come up all the time,
last minute.
Memorials are all well and good,
but we both know
that an eye for an eye
don't come cheap.
Well, anything for the cause.
Should I make it out to...?
"Cash" will be just fine.
Very generous.
How are your teeth?
Nice try.
- Oh, top of the morning
to you, Sal!
All right, where was I?
Oh, right!
Okay, Lakeside News is
just down that-a-way.
It was started
by Zachary Morgan in 1902.
He died of syphilis
wearing a diaper,
poor fella.
Nice. Um, so actually...
Andy! I hope you're looking
for a present for your wife!
Your anniversary is coming up.
He happens to forget things
like annual marital events,
like anniversaries.
Mabel's Restaurant
is right over here,
and the pasties,
as I mentioned earlier,
are the best things ever.
You know,
she inherited the recipe
from her grandmother,
who brought it over here
from Cornwall.
If I could just
sneak in a quick question
about where to rent a car.
Oh, that's Eau Claire, that...
I heard from Martha
that Kathy's
unmentionables were stolen
right from her laundry basket!
I know, I know, I know.
Let's not all get in a fuss
over the Piggly Wiggly
rumor mill.
- Oh, hey, Ann-Marie.
- Hi, Chad.
Oh, Mike. I see Lee Henning's
taken good care of you.
Now you're lookin' more local.
Lot warmer at least.
What's Meg Gunther
in a lather about?
Lingerie.
Apparently, three pairs
of her days-of-the-week
underwear:
Wednesday, Thursday,
and Saturday,
all went missing from the dryer.
So, in her mind, we have a, uh,
panty thief on the loose.
See, Mike,
this is what qualifies
as major crime here in Lakeside.
You know, if you're rich,
you live in Monte Carlo.
And if you're famous,
you live in California.
But if you're lucky,
you live here in... in Lakeside.
Oh, shoot. I'm supposed
to meet Bart up at the inlet.
I am so sorry. Um, hey, Chad,
could you get
our newest resident
situated with a pasty?
Oh, you don't have
to ask me twice.
- I'm starving.
- Okay.
- Come on.
- All right.
- Thank you.
- You're gonna love it.
You know, interestingly, uh,
Mabel's amazing pasty recipe,
she actually inherited
from her grandmother.
Came all the way from Cornwall.
Grab a seat.
How you doing
this morning, sweetie?
Hey, Mabel, this is Mike.
He's staying up
at the spot on Gorman.
Oh, it's nice to meet you, Mike.
- Hey.
- Can I show you
a menu, hon?
Uh, well,
everyone's been talking
about these pasties.
Uh, one pasty
on the house it is.
It's complimentary
to first-time customers.
Ah, thank you.
Can I get a coffee too?
I already know what
this cowboy's having.
Chief Mulligan.
Hey, there.
What's good?
Ah, don't leave me
hanging, dawg.
You know Derek?
Ah, no.
I think he just wants me
to know he's down.
So, uh, what do you do
for a living, Mike?
Uh, just working
for my uncle right now.
What's he do?
He runs an import-export
business.
Oh, yeah? What kind?
Antiques, mostly.
I sound like a cop, don't I?
Little bit.
Yeah, that's a force of habit.
Jeez, Mike, I'm sorry.
- I don't mean to pry.
- It's all good.
Here you go, gents.
Oh, thank you.
Now, careful.
If you leave here hungry,
it's your own dang fault.
Mmm...
Ho!
So good.
Careful. They're addictive.
You might know.
Is there anywhere closer
than Eau Claire to rent a car?
♪
Hey, there.
Look who I got with me.
Hi, Chad.
Mr. Ainsel.
Ms. Property Manager.
So, you two have met.
At gun point.
Mr. Ainsel tried to break
into his apartment last night.
Due to a key malfunction.
Fortunately, no one was hurt.
Well, the wiser course of action
would have been to call
your local law enforcement.
Hmm. Uh, Mike here is looking
for some transportation,
and, uh, Sandy's old beater
came to mind.
The car is not for sale.
Uh, it's, uh...
been parked out back
better part of two years now.
Possible 10-99.
Bag of laundry taken out
of Mariel Larson's Ford Flex.
Bandit strikes again.
10-76.
♪
For the record,
I was only lookin'
to rent the car.
Just trying to get to Chicago.
♪
What's in Chicago?
Memorial service for a friend.
I leave this afternoon.
You may want
to wait a day or two.
The interstate's always
a mess after a storm.
I need to be there tonight.
But I'll be back tomorrow.
A hundred dollars
for the two days.
Bring it back like you found it.
If I get it cleaned up?
A hundred and fifty.
That's the only key.
Try not to break it.
Thank you.
♪
Allahu akbar.
What brings you back to Cairo?
"My new mission is
of vital importance
to Mr. Wednesday.
I don't know
how long it will take
or how long I will be gone.
Consider this the end
of our journey.
Don't look for me."
So you know nothing
of this "mission"?
I haven't seen or heard anything
from Mr. Wednesday in months.
All I know is whatever task
Wednesday has demanded
of the Jinn,
it has driven us apart.
But perhaps the Jinn
made up his own mind?
Feelings can change.
If he truly does not love me,
I need to hear him say it
to my face.
Well, I'm due in Chicago
for the festival of Koliada.
The Old Gods are assembling
to honor the ascendance
of Zorya Vechernyaya's soul.
And the Jinn will be there?
Uh, it's... possible.
I would endure
the seven gates of hell
to know the truth in his heart.
♪
♪
♪ I... know you
won't come back ♪
♪ And I... know
that it might be my fault ♪
♪ And I've... got a lot to... ♪
I'm off to the store, Sandy.
Mom. I'm recording.
Oh, sorry. Listen, don't forget,
you promised to pick up Leon
after practice. Okay?
I loved every moment together
with you, Zorya.
But I hated
the food you cooked...
...with my entire soul.
I'm sorry.
Every meal worse than the last.
I wish you a safe journey home.
My friends.
To our beloved
Zorya Vechernyaya.
Skol!
♪
What the hell
are you doing here?
I said, what the hell
are you doing here?
Out. You were not invited.
Neither was I! But here I am.
Oh, shit.
Without our evening star
to guide us, the firmament
is forever dimmed!
Oh, the two of them!
Shouldn't you be in Lakeside?
Look, she was a special lady.
I didn't come for any trouble.
Gifts go over there to table.
Yeah, I brought, I brought...
Yeah. The same pile. Gift.
The cigarette, I want.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Very well done.
The kid's learning.
But, you missed the most
important bit of all.
From the finest cheese
laboratory in Hovedstaden,
thrice-fumed Havarti to ease
the pain of loss, comrade.
And for Zorya Utrennyaya,
a token that you may
temporarily escape
the agony of losing a sister.
She was a cold-hearted,
sexy bitch.
And why she liked you,
I don't understand.
It's beyond me.
And you, I think we have
some unfinished business.
I don't care if you try
to cover that nice skull.
My hammer still has
an appointment with it.
Pretty sure that's not
why I was invited.
You were not invited.
Well, definitely
on the guest list.
Outstanding calligraphy.
It's a lost art.
Your sister invited him.
Can I pay my respects now?
Yes, you can pay your respect
by going up to the roof. Now.
Tonight, you and I
will drink ourselves stupid,
piss ourselves,
and remember
the wisdom and beauty
of Zorya Vechernyaya.
Hey, you take that name
out of your mouth.
Oh, this is not
the place or the time...
Votan! Listen, you did this.
You as good as pulled
the trigger of the gun
that ended her life.
She was murdered
by shared enemies.
The balls on you, Votan.
Are you here to pay
your respect to Zorya?
I don't think so. You're here
because of your stupid war.
Is that a sin?
I came here to mourn the death
of someone who once
owned my heart,
and at the same time
find myself surrounded
by Slavic deities
of every stripe.
A cotillion of allies
to be recruited to our cause.
Or... have you
forgotten our cause?
Has it slipped your mind
that you, Czernobog,
the Dark One,
swore an oath to me?
To the evening star.
To the evening star.
♪
I like the hair.
Much better look.
It was time for a change.
Did you bring the coin?
Yeah.
I carry it everywhere.
Because you are just like it.
Always half in light,
half in shadow.
Part of you always hidden
from sight.
The stars tell that
a day is coming when
you will face two paths.
You must choose which way
your destiny unfolds.
The only destiny I want
is a normal life.
You say that, but...
...your head and your heart
are not in agreement.
Half of you comes from
the All-Father.
It tempts you. His power,
his... history.
Okay, this is what I want.
I want no more riddles.
You know? No... no more
cryptic answers.
The stars can only
reveal so much.
But, when you cannot
see your way,
the night sky will guide you.
♪
That was worth the drive.
♪
Ah, these New Gods,
that killed our beloved Zorya,
if they want a war,
bring me war, huh?
Now, hear me, Czernobog!
I, Votan, the All-Father,
swear to avenge Zorya's death!
And invite all, and any,
hot-blooded bastards
to help restore honor
to the true gods!
♪
Wow. He really did invite
everyone but me.
Nice lift.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
The postcard.
What, I wouldn't notice?
But before you pay her a visit,
ask yourself if you have
anything to offer her
except for heartache.
Stay in your fucking lane.
♪
My boy.
You asshole, Wednesday!
You lied to me!
Oh, well, now,
"salaam aleikum"
to you too, brother.
The hell with that!
You sent him away!
I did not!
That sodomite hates me
with every hair
on his chinny-chin-chin.
Please. I need to find him.
After the way he pumped
and dumped you?
Get over it.
Hey.
You should have let
the leprechaun kill him.
One day you'll thank me.
- I'm, uh... I'm out.
- Uh-huh.
Back to Lakeside?
The place grows on you,
doesn't it?
Nearly froze to death twice
and almost got my head
blown off.
But, yeah, food's good.
I'll be in touch, Miguel.
♪
♪
I thought my ride was sexy.
What's your hustle?
You a sugar baby?
You got daddy issues?
I'm just doing me.
Which means what?
Playing the old man's fiancée?
That would be a no.
I'm on the all-girls squad.
So, how'd you end up with him?
Oh, his Craigslist
post was dope,
so I replied, "interested".
Next thing I know,
I'm driving Betty
and getting paid in cash.
All right. You know what?
I don't care.
My junior year of Hunter,
I got kicked out,
arrested for hacking.
Up to my ass in debt.
When along comes
the perfect job,
right when I needed it.
Craigslist.
He paid off
my legal bills and tuition.
I help him with...
um, tech stuff.
Well, the good news is,
on account of me,
you can now reach
your old man,
day or night.
What happened
to the phone booths?
Right? Hella progress.
Look, I got all sorts
of shit with my old man,
but maybe consider your Pops
isn't a complete
fucking asshole.
Now, that is a stretch.
Heh. I hear you.
But if you ever need
a friendly voice,
I get it, not him,
just call the number.
You'll get me, at least.
All right, listen.
When it all gets
too much to handle,
and it will.
Likewise.
What the hell
is going on in there?
Wednesday.
♪
♪
Hey, Mabel.
Yes?
Ah. If I have another one
of those pasties,
I'm gonna want four more.
So I am gonna take it easy
and I will have, uh,
bacon and wheat toast, please.
Everything all right?
♪
Hey, Chad!
Hey, Mike.
I'm gonna have to ask you
some questions.
You left for Chicago
about 4 p.m.
You stop for gas
before you left town?
Thank you.
Yeah.
The, uh, the CITGO at, uh, Main.
What's up?
Alison McGovern didn't show up
to school or work yesterday.
No one's seen or heard from her
since her shift ended
at Hennings the previous day.
Gotta understand, Mike,
this is nothing personal.
We're going to go
over your whereabouts
for the past 72.
And Mike, I need you be
as specific as you can.
Sure. It took about
seven hours to get to Chicago.
You were there for
a memorial service.
This a family member?
Friend of my uncle's.
Yeah, I stayed at the, um,
Freehand Hotel, East Ohio.
And drove back this morning.
The windshield?
I hit a deer on Route 36.
The mechanic shop in
Stevens Point fixed it.
Okay, Mike. I am gonna need you
to write down
the exact route
that you took
so we can confirm that with
highway surveillance cameras.
♪
Also gonna need
to hang on to the vehicle
for a Luminol test.
Sure.
Fuck it.
♪
Hey, Mike. Wait, is...
Is that for the fireplace
you're not allowed to use?
You know what? Just shoot me.
Okay? For real this time.
Because it's a lot
quicker way to go
than just freezing to death.
I think maybe you and I
got off on the wrong foot.
I spoke to Chad.
He said your story checks out.
Chicago, the windshield.
I'm sorry.
Anything on Alison?
Talked to some of her friends.
No one knows any reason
why she might have left town
or where she could've gone.
The family's putting up fliers
and asking for volunteers
to help in a search.
Let me know if I can help.
Look, Mike...
The thing with the shotgun.
That wasn't cool.
No. It wasn't.
I had the breaker for
the furnace turned off.
No one was living here.
Why heat an empty place?
Oh, uh, almost forgot
to give you this.
I got the guys at
the body shop to save it.
Figured your son might
want it when he got back.
Where's he at school? You didn't say.
Florida.
Nice. What's he studying?
Uh, if your heat goes out,
or you want some help
insulating those windows,
you know where to find me.
♪
♪ Little Margaret, sitting in
her high hall chair ♪
♪ She saw sweet William
and his new-made bride ♪
♪ Riding up the road so near ♪
♪ She threw down
her ivory comb ♪
♪ Threw back her long
yellow hair ♪
♪ Said, "I'll go down and
I'll bid him farewell ♪
♪ And I'll nevermore go there" ♪
♪ It was late in the night
They were fast asleep ♪
♪ Little Margaret appeared
all dressed in white ♪
♪ Standing at their bed-feet ♪
♪ For I want to kiss
those cold, cold lips ♪
♪ For I know they'll never ♪
♪ Kiss mine ♪
♪ Three times he kissed
her cold, cold hand ♪
♪ Twice he kissed her cheek ♪
♪ But once he kissed
her cold cold lips ♪
♪ Then he fell in her arms
asleep ♪