American Dad! (2005–…): Season 8, Episode 4 - American Stepdad - full transcript
Roger marries Stan's mom and becomes Stan's new stepfather, and Steve and his friends stumble upon a new "The Fast and the Furious" script.
♪ Good morning, USA!
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
Aah!
♪ Good morning, USA!
Damn. Why can I never
get straight lines?
Ralph Fiennes?!
Ralph Fiennes is here?!
No, I said "straight lines."
I can never get them.
Stan, I've got some terrible news.
For you or for me?
For you.
Damn.
Your mom called.
Hercules died.
Oh. Big whoop, he's
just my step dad.
I barely care about my real dad.
The only dad that's ever
been kind to me is Father Time.
He's been most kind.
Quick, take a picture
before I blow out my rectum!
Aah, too late!
What are they putting him in?
Oh, Hercules always wanted to
be buried in a Spani-coffina.
Oh, that's so jokey.
The eulogy will now be given
by John Stamos,
as famous fictional Greek
character, Jesse Katsopolis.
Have mercy...
on this great Greek
of a man we lost today.
Now, please join me
in the banquet hall
for the Greek tradition
of stealing everything
that's not tied down.
Betty, that service
was straight baller.
It must've cost a fortune.
All of our savings.
Wait, you're out of money?
Well, then you'll have
to move in with us.
Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude.
Besides, I should be independent
and on my own.
That's ridiculous.
You're so old.
Look how old you are.
See?
So old.
Namaste, Lauren.
Very good, Kim.
Shawn Ian, I'm just going
to adjust your arm
to the right a bit--
how does that feel?
Good?
Good.
Okay, now I'm just going to
put my thumb in your mouth.
How does that feel?
Good?
Good.
Shut it down, pack it up.
What?
Pack up your crap; you're moving
to the basement.
My mom's gonna live
up here from now on.
But, Stan, this is my attic.
This is my home.
You can't do this.
Sorry, bro.
Mom's family.
But I'm family, too!
You just called me bro!
Sorry, cuz, I was
just using it as slang.
Let me break it down for you, son:
Family is your siblings,
your kids, or most importantly,
people you have physically
been inside,
either sexually or as a fetus.
You know, this might
be the seventh best bike ride
we've ever taken.
Keep dreaming, Steve.
It's barely top nine.
Guys!
Oh, my God, a downed plane!
We've got to keep it wet
until the tide comes back in!
I wonder what happened.
Well, fellas, I think it's
quite clear what happened.
The pilot's head exploded
while he was being read this!
The script for The Fast
and the Furious 7!
No way!
Look, it's signed
by Randy Scott Knobson,
the guy who wrote all
the Fast and Furious movies.
Steve, this just became
the best bike ride
we've had where we didn't
see homeless people having sex.
So, number six?
Yeah.
Stan, I'm able to live on my own.
This is all so unnecessary.
No, Mom, the Golden Globes
are unnecessary.
Chelsea Handler's career
is unnecessary.
Tucson, Arizona, unnecessary.
Congratulations
Tucson, you've been Dadded!
Nobody's safe!
Who's that?
Oh, don't worry about him.
That's just a nobody
who lives in the basement.
A nobody?!
Who farted?
Nobody!
Well, I gotta go.
Gotta get to work.
See you tonight.
What are we doing?
This is crazy.
"Exterior.
"The streets.
"Night.
"There's not a soul around...
"until the sickest Toyota you've
ever seen slowly pulls up.
"Brian O'Connor stares out
into the dark night.
"The only thing darker: the sick
black tank top he's wearing.
Suddenly, he pulls a gun
out from under his seat..."
Yo, Brian, I've been looking for you.
Heist?
Heist.
Oh... my... God.
We gotta get this script to Hollywood.
The world needs to see this movie.
But first we gotta finish reading it.
"Interior.
"Crazy awesome mansion.
"A ridiculously hot girl feeds
caviar to a Russian bad guy.
There's like a bear or something
chained up by the pool."
Whoa!
Jeff?
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, hey, Mr. S.
Tom said if I helped him move
his stuff back in the attic,
he'd let me take him
to the airport one day.
Roger!
I thought I told you to move
down to the basement.
Oh, yeah, right,
because I wasn't family.
Oh...Did you tell him yet?
Tell me what?
Me and Tom Yabo got married!
That's right, Stan.
I'm your new stepdad!
FYI, Stan, the ceremony was beautiful.
I sang an original song.
People hated it.
Mom, tell me this is a joke.
There's no way you married this guy!
She did.
Now, we're registered at
Crate and Barrel, but if you'd
rather make something,
that would be a lot more special.
But...
I-I don't...
Oh, you want to know
how we met? Sit, sit.
After all this time, I never
get tired of telling our story.
At first we barely even got along.
But then we realized
we had a ton in common.
Like telling this story.
We both apparently love
telling this story.
I thought I was just gonna do
it on my own, but, oh well.
In addition to both of us loving tea,
it turns out Betty and I
are also both huge fans
of laughing while drinking tea.
Tom eventually invited me
to take a beginner's yoga class.
We connected on a physical,
emotional, and spiritual level.
I haven't been this happy
since I was with Hercules.
That was three days ago!
Betty, can you give me a hand
with the champagne?
I'll miss you!
I'll miss you more!
Not possible.
You married my mother
just to get your attic back!
Why on Earth would I want my
attic back if it meant having
to share it with some old
lady I didn't even love?
I'm sorry you don't trust me,
but what your mother
and I have is real.
To true love.
To happy endings.
Oh, you, I know what that means.
Prove it.
Mom, I've known this guy for years.
He's a manipulative sociopath.
Stan!
It's okay, Betts.
Big family changes are often
hardest on the children.
Let's just take it step by step.
You know, Stan, Betty and I would love
to have you and Francine over
for dinner tonight.
Well, you can
just forget--
That sounds wonderful, Tom.
Stan, I think this actually
might be good for your mom.
Ugh!
"Dom and Brian drive
sick convertibles
"and shoot awesome guns
at these crazy Japanese dudes.
"Brian takes a hard left,
"sending him flying up a ramp.
"In slo-mo, Dom looks up
"as Brian's upside-down car
sails over his own.
"It's super sick.
"Brian looks back down at Dom,
"their heads inches from each other.
"They crane their necks
to steal an upside-down kiss,
and Dom's tongue explores
Brian's mouth."
What the?!
Are you sure you read that right?
Maybe it's a typo.
I'll just flip ahead..
Here we go: "Interior,
garage, night.
"Dom stands
behind a bent-over Brian,
"and Tokyo drifts
into his..."
Oh, that, okay, that scene
goes on for like ten more pages.
Dudes, this script is full of
extremely graphic gay sex scenes.
What do you expect?
The whole lifestyle's fast
and furious,
with the pills and the disco
and the tank tops-- ohh.
Everything's changing.
Oh, honey, it means so much
to me that you came.
Tom likes to say grace before eating.
God, are you there?
It's me, Tom Yabo.
I just want to say thank you
for sending me such an amazing woman
and unbelievably generous lover.
I mean her giving to receiving
ratio is like three to one.
Minimum.
Amen.
So, Stan, how was work today?
Fine.
Stan, you speak up and look at
Tom when he asks you a question.
It was fine!
Okay?!
Stan!
Tom worked really hard on this meal.
Well, it's gross, and I don't like it.
Come on, champ, give it another try.
Shut up!
You're not my dad!
Stan!
Damn mower!
By the size of those pit stains,
I'd say it's half-past
Miller time.
Your mow-stripes are
a little curved, huh?
May I?
Free country.
Mm-hmm... Okay,
I see what's going on here.
You got the left rear wheel
elevated at a six,
but the right is only at a four.
Not your fault,
sometimes they come
off the line like this.
All right, that should do the trick.
I'll leave you to your lawn.
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
No. Stop.
Listen, little monkey.
This is hard to explain,
but sometimes
grown-ups use expressions
that they don't really mean.
I know.
I was there.
I was driving the other car.
So we're all in agreement that
this Fast and Furious could be
the most action-packed one yet,
right?
But Steven, it'll never get made
with all the hardcore gay sex.
That's why we're gonna cut those
scenes out
and deliver the clean script
to Hollywood.
Then this movie will
definitely get made.
Let's do it!
Yeah!
I like it how it is now!
Okay, here we go.
Pull out all the pages
that need to be cut.
Um, what about this scene
where Dom and Brian hold hands
as they enter
the Toyota Service Center?
No, I think that's okay.
We do that.
We're actually holding hands
right now.
Oh, yeah.
What about the scene
where Paul Walker can't see,
so Vin Diesel sits in his
lap and shifts for him?
That's just teamwork.
Okay look, how about this?
If both guys keep their pants
on, it stays in, okay?
Good work, gents.
We were able to keep eight pages.
Now let's take this baby to Hollywood!
Whoa, no way!
Cool car!
It's a 1970 Dodge Challenger.
Socket wrench me, would ya?
Um... my, uh, my dad never
taught me about tools.
I could teach you...
if you'd let me.
I'll teach you how to do that, too.
Here we go.
It started, you did it!
No, we did it.
I hate to interrupt
my boys getting along so well,
but Tom, we really
should hit the road.
Whoa! We almost died.
Where are you guys going?
Mr. Yabo is
taking me to Niagara Falls
for our honeymoon.
Mr. Yabo is
taking me to Niagara Falls
for our honeymoon."
Seriously, that's how you sound.
Niagara Falls, huh?
That sounds fun.
Are you guys taking the Dodge?
Why would I do that, Stan?
This isn't my car.
It's yours.
What?!
Stan, my stepfather gave
this car to me,
and now I'm giving it to you.
And one day?
You'll give it to your stepson.
I'll take good care of her.
I know you will, son...
I mean, Stan.
No, it's okay...
Dad.
You're the man of the house
for the weekend.
Wow.
Wow.
Here, take our picture.
I want to remember this day forever.
See ya, sport.
Bye, Dad!
Have fun, Dad!
See you when you get back, Dad!
Ooh! I should load this onto
Roger's computer as his wallpaper.
Do you think he'll love it?
He'll love it.
I can't wait for him to get back!
Oh, my God...
this was Roger's plan all along!
He's gonna kill my mom
just to get his attic back!
He's getting another toggle coat?!
Roger's gonna kill my mom!
Out of the way!
My family's in danger!
Well? Are you gonna
make it?!
Nice try, boys,
but this is obviously not a
genuine Randy Scott Knobson.
It's missing one key
component: the gay sex scenes.
You see, boys,
the Fast & Furious franchise has
to be written, and filmed, super gay.
The gay undertones are what
create the chemistry and tension
that make those movies so great.
Oh... I always felt their love
went much deeper than cars.
Yep, we shoot everything Randy
writes, everything,
and then edit it down
for the theaters.
Except France, they get it all.
Wait! We have
the sex scenes!
Looks like we're in business, boys.
Yay! We did it!
Come on. Bring it in,
bring it in.
I let him into my heart,
and he betrayed me!
Well, I'm coming for you, Tom Yabo!
Damn it! I'm gonna have
to go for it.
Yes! Yes! The camera is
loving you.
Okay, I need sexier, more danger.
Um, get closer to the edge.
Great! Now move over
to the area without
the railing in the way.
Perfect!
Uh, we're out of film.
Stay right there, Betts.
Gotta reload.
I got this.
It's okay. I can make it!
Whoa, no! I'll never make it!
Aw, man, I wussed out.
Okay, finally got the film in.
Man, that took forever...!
Mom, look out! He's trying
to kill you!
What?
Son, no...
It's true!
I should've known.
Whenever I let a man inside me,
it hurts.
Stan, I'm not trying to kill your mom!
Shut up! I saw your computer!
"How to Kill Your Spouse
at Niagara Falls"?!
Stan, he's not trying to kill me.
Because I'm trying
to kill him!
Mom, what the hell?!
I told you I wanted to be
independent, Stan,
but you wouldn't listen.
So I took out a life
insurance policy on Tom.
What?! Betts-Betts!
It was the only way I could
afford to live on my own.
I can't hold you both!
I just resewed my rectum!
Then save me, I'm your mother!
And he's a nobody!
You said it yourself, Stan.
Tom Yabo loved us.
And you... you used him!
It's okay, Stan.
I used her, too.
What?
For the attic?
No, kiddo.
To get close to you.
And it was worth it.
No...!
Why'd you let go?!
Because I don't think your mom
and I are gonna be able
to patch things up.
And I'd rather be dead than no
longer a part of your family!
I was wrong, Roger.
You don't have to be in
my family to be my family!
Dude, seriously?
I really wish I'd known
before I let go...!
I can't believe he's gone.
He was the best father I ever had.
To your right is one
of the best views of the Falls.
Of course it's not
the original Niagara Falls,
which burned down in 1816.
All these memories...
So, where is Betty now, anyway?
She ended up collecting
the life insurance money
from Tom Yabo's death
and moved to Paris.
Guess she's getting the
independent life
she wanted all along.
Hey, wait, when was this?
We never hugged.
Not yet.
Do you think things
between us will go back
to the way they usually are next week?
I sure hope so.
Une, s'il vous plaît.
Is this happening too fast?
I'd be furious if it wasn't.
Tastes so good.
Mmm, mmm...
Did I miss any play?
Tons.
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
♪ Good...
♪ Good morning, USA
Aah!
♪ Good morning, USA!
Damn. Why can I never
get straight lines?
Ralph Fiennes?!
Ralph Fiennes is here?!
No, I said "straight lines."
I can never get them.
Stan, I've got some terrible news.
For you or for me?
For you.
Damn.
Your mom called.
Hercules died.
Oh. Big whoop, he's
just my step dad.
I barely care about my real dad.
The only dad that's ever
been kind to me is Father Time.
He's been most kind.
Quick, take a picture
before I blow out my rectum!
Aah, too late!
What are they putting him in?
Oh, Hercules always wanted to
be buried in a Spani-coffina.
Oh, that's so jokey.
The eulogy will now be given
by John Stamos,
as famous fictional Greek
character, Jesse Katsopolis.
Have mercy...
on this great Greek
of a man we lost today.
Now, please join me
in the banquet hall
for the Greek tradition
of stealing everything
that's not tied down.
Betty, that service
was straight baller.
It must've cost a fortune.
All of our savings.
Wait, you're out of money?
Well, then you'll have
to move in with us.
Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude.
Besides, I should be independent
and on my own.
That's ridiculous.
You're so old.
Look how old you are.
See?
So old.
Namaste, Lauren.
Very good, Kim.
Shawn Ian, I'm just going
to adjust your arm
to the right a bit--
how does that feel?
Good?
Good.
Okay, now I'm just going to
put my thumb in your mouth.
How does that feel?
Good?
Good.
Shut it down, pack it up.
What?
Pack up your crap; you're moving
to the basement.
My mom's gonna live
up here from now on.
But, Stan, this is my attic.
This is my home.
You can't do this.
Sorry, bro.
Mom's family.
But I'm family, too!
You just called me bro!
Sorry, cuz, I was
just using it as slang.
Let me break it down for you, son:
Family is your siblings,
your kids, or most importantly,
people you have physically
been inside,
either sexually or as a fetus.
You know, this might
be the seventh best bike ride
we've ever taken.
Keep dreaming, Steve.
It's barely top nine.
Guys!
Oh, my God, a downed plane!
We've got to keep it wet
until the tide comes back in!
I wonder what happened.
Well, fellas, I think it's
quite clear what happened.
The pilot's head exploded
while he was being read this!
The script for The Fast
and the Furious 7!
No way!
Look, it's signed
by Randy Scott Knobson,
the guy who wrote all
the Fast and Furious movies.
Steve, this just became
the best bike ride
we've had where we didn't
see homeless people having sex.
So, number six?
Yeah.
Stan, I'm able to live on my own.
This is all so unnecessary.
No, Mom, the Golden Globes
are unnecessary.
Chelsea Handler's career
is unnecessary.
Tucson, Arizona, unnecessary.
Congratulations
Tucson, you've been Dadded!
Nobody's safe!
Who's that?
Oh, don't worry about him.
That's just a nobody
who lives in the basement.
A nobody?!
Who farted?
Nobody!
Well, I gotta go.
Gotta get to work.
See you tonight.
What are we doing?
This is crazy.
"Exterior.
"The streets.
"Night.
"There's not a soul around...
"until the sickest Toyota you've
ever seen slowly pulls up.
"Brian O'Connor stares out
into the dark night.
"The only thing darker: the sick
black tank top he's wearing.
Suddenly, he pulls a gun
out from under his seat..."
Yo, Brian, I've been looking for you.
Heist?
Heist.
Oh... my... God.
We gotta get this script to Hollywood.
The world needs to see this movie.
But first we gotta finish reading it.
"Interior.
"Crazy awesome mansion.
"A ridiculously hot girl feeds
caviar to a Russian bad guy.
There's like a bear or something
chained up by the pool."
Whoa!
Jeff?
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, hey, Mr. S.
Tom said if I helped him move
his stuff back in the attic,
he'd let me take him
to the airport one day.
Roger!
I thought I told you to move
down to the basement.
Oh, yeah, right,
because I wasn't family.
Oh...Did you tell him yet?
Tell me what?
Me and Tom Yabo got married!
That's right, Stan.
I'm your new stepdad!
FYI, Stan, the ceremony was beautiful.
I sang an original song.
People hated it.
Mom, tell me this is a joke.
There's no way you married this guy!
She did.
Now, we're registered at
Crate and Barrel, but if you'd
rather make something,
that would be a lot more special.
But...
I-I don't...
Oh, you want to know
how we met? Sit, sit.
After all this time, I never
get tired of telling our story.
At first we barely even got along.
But then we realized
we had a ton in common.
Like telling this story.
We both apparently love
telling this story.
I thought I was just gonna do
it on my own, but, oh well.
In addition to both of us loving tea,
it turns out Betty and I
are also both huge fans
of laughing while drinking tea.
Tom eventually invited me
to take a beginner's yoga class.
We connected on a physical,
emotional, and spiritual level.
I haven't been this happy
since I was with Hercules.
That was three days ago!
Betty, can you give me a hand
with the champagne?
I'll miss you!
I'll miss you more!
Not possible.
You married my mother
just to get your attic back!
Why on Earth would I want my
attic back if it meant having
to share it with some old
lady I didn't even love?
I'm sorry you don't trust me,
but what your mother
and I have is real.
To true love.
To happy endings.
Oh, you, I know what that means.
Prove it.
Mom, I've known this guy for years.
He's a manipulative sociopath.
Stan!
It's okay, Betts.
Big family changes are often
hardest on the children.
Let's just take it step by step.
You know, Stan, Betty and I would love
to have you and Francine over
for dinner tonight.
Well, you can
just forget--
That sounds wonderful, Tom.
Stan, I think this actually
might be good for your mom.
Ugh!
"Dom and Brian drive
sick convertibles
"and shoot awesome guns
at these crazy Japanese dudes.
"Brian takes a hard left,
"sending him flying up a ramp.
"In slo-mo, Dom looks up
"as Brian's upside-down car
sails over his own.
"It's super sick.
"Brian looks back down at Dom,
"their heads inches from each other.
"They crane their necks
to steal an upside-down kiss,
and Dom's tongue explores
Brian's mouth."
What the?!
Are you sure you read that right?
Maybe it's a typo.
I'll just flip ahead..
Here we go: "Interior,
garage, night.
"Dom stands
behind a bent-over Brian,
"and Tokyo drifts
into his..."
Oh, that, okay, that scene
goes on for like ten more pages.
Dudes, this script is full of
extremely graphic gay sex scenes.
What do you expect?
The whole lifestyle's fast
and furious,
with the pills and the disco
and the tank tops-- ohh.
Everything's changing.
Oh, honey, it means so much
to me that you came.
Tom likes to say grace before eating.
God, are you there?
It's me, Tom Yabo.
I just want to say thank you
for sending me such an amazing woman
and unbelievably generous lover.
I mean her giving to receiving
ratio is like three to one.
Minimum.
Amen.
So, Stan, how was work today?
Fine.
Stan, you speak up and look at
Tom when he asks you a question.
It was fine!
Okay?!
Stan!
Tom worked really hard on this meal.
Well, it's gross, and I don't like it.
Come on, champ, give it another try.
Shut up!
You're not my dad!
Stan!
Damn mower!
By the size of those pit stains,
I'd say it's half-past
Miller time.
Your mow-stripes are
a little curved, huh?
May I?
Free country.
Mm-hmm... Okay,
I see what's going on here.
You got the left rear wheel
elevated at a six,
but the right is only at a four.
Not your fault,
sometimes they come
off the line like this.
All right, that should do the trick.
I'll leave you to your lawn.
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
No. Stop.
Listen, little monkey.
This is hard to explain,
but sometimes
grown-ups use expressions
that they don't really mean.
I know.
I was there.
I was driving the other car.
So we're all in agreement that
this Fast and Furious could be
the most action-packed one yet,
right?
But Steven, it'll never get made
with all the hardcore gay sex.
That's why we're gonna cut those
scenes out
and deliver the clean script
to Hollywood.
Then this movie will
definitely get made.
Let's do it!
Yeah!
I like it how it is now!
Okay, here we go.
Pull out all the pages
that need to be cut.
Um, what about this scene
where Dom and Brian hold hands
as they enter
the Toyota Service Center?
No, I think that's okay.
We do that.
We're actually holding hands
right now.
Oh, yeah.
What about the scene
where Paul Walker can't see,
so Vin Diesel sits in his
lap and shifts for him?
That's just teamwork.
Okay look, how about this?
If both guys keep their pants
on, it stays in, okay?
Good work, gents.
We were able to keep eight pages.
Now let's take this baby to Hollywood!
Whoa, no way!
Cool car!
It's a 1970 Dodge Challenger.
Socket wrench me, would ya?
Um... my, uh, my dad never
taught me about tools.
I could teach you...
if you'd let me.
I'll teach you how to do that, too.
Here we go.
It started, you did it!
No, we did it.
I hate to interrupt
my boys getting along so well,
but Tom, we really
should hit the road.
Whoa! We almost died.
Where are you guys going?
Mr. Yabo is
taking me to Niagara Falls
for our honeymoon.
Mr. Yabo is
taking me to Niagara Falls
for our honeymoon."
Seriously, that's how you sound.
Niagara Falls, huh?
That sounds fun.
Are you guys taking the Dodge?
Why would I do that, Stan?
This isn't my car.
It's yours.
What?!
Stan, my stepfather gave
this car to me,
and now I'm giving it to you.
And one day?
You'll give it to your stepson.
I'll take good care of her.
I know you will, son...
I mean, Stan.
No, it's okay...
Dad.
You're the man of the house
for the weekend.
Wow.
Wow.
Here, take our picture.
I want to remember this day forever.
See ya, sport.
Bye, Dad!
Have fun, Dad!
See you when you get back, Dad!
Ooh! I should load this onto
Roger's computer as his wallpaper.
Do you think he'll love it?
He'll love it.
I can't wait for him to get back!
Oh, my God...
this was Roger's plan all along!
He's gonna kill my mom
just to get his attic back!
He's getting another toggle coat?!
Roger's gonna kill my mom!
Out of the way!
My family's in danger!
Well? Are you gonna
make it?!
Nice try, boys,
but this is obviously not a
genuine Randy Scott Knobson.
It's missing one key
component: the gay sex scenes.
You see, boys,
the Fast & Furious franchise has
to be written, and filmed, super gay.
The gay undertones are what
create the chemistry and tension
that make those movies so great.
Oh... I always felt their love
went much deeper than cars.
Yep, we shoot everything Randy
writes, everything,
and then edit it down
for the theaters.
Except France, they get it all.
Wait! We have
the sex scenes!
Looks like we're in business, boys.
Yay! We did it!
Come on. Bring it in,
bring it in.
I let him into my heart,
and he betrayed me!
Well, I'm coming for you, Tom Yabo!
Damn it! I'm gonna have
to go for it.
Yes! Yes! The camera is
loving you.
Okay, I need sexier, more danger.
Um, get closer to the edge.
Great! Now move over
to the area without
the railing in the way.
Perfect!
Uh, we're out of film.
Stay right there, Betts.
Gotta reload.
I got this.
It's okay. I can make it!
Whoa, no! I'll never make it!
Aw, man, I wussed out.
Okay, finally got the film in.
Man, that took forever...!
Mom, look out! He's trying
to kill you!
What?
Son, no...
It's true!
I should've known.
Whenever I let a man inside me,
it hurts.
Stan, I'm not trying to kill your mom!
Shut up! I saw your computer!
"How to Kill Your Spouse
at Niagara Falls"?!
Stan, he's not trying to kill me.
Because I'm trying
to kill him!
Mom, what the hell?!
I told you I wanted to be
independent, Stan,
but you wouldn't listen.
So I took out a life
insurance policy on Tom.
What?! Betts-Betts!
It was the only way I could
afford to live on my own.
I can't hold you both!
I just resewed my rectum!
Then save me, I'm your mother!
And he's a nobody!
You said it yourself, Stan.
Tom Yabo loved us.
And you... you used him!
It's okay, Stan.
I used her, too.
What?
For the attic?
No, kiddo.
To get close to you.
And it was worth it.
No...!
Why'd you let go?!
Because I don't think your mom
and I are gonna be able
to patch things up.
And I'd rather be dead than no
longer a part of your family!
I was wrong, Roger.
You don't have to be in
my family to be my family!
Dude, seriously?
I really wish I'd known
before I let go...!
I can't believe he's gone.
He was the best father I ever had.
To your right is one
of the best views of the Falls.
Of course it's not
the original Niagara Falls,
which burned down in 1816.
All these memories...
So, where is Betty now, anyway?
She ended up collecting
the life insurance money
from Tom Yabo's death
and moved to Paris.
Guess she's getting the
independent life
she wanted all along.
Hey, wait, when was this?
We never hugged.
Not yet.
Do you think things
between us will go back
to the way they usually are next week?
I sure hope so.
Une, s'il vous plaît.
Is this happening too fast?
I'd be furious if it wasn't.
Tastes so good.
Mmm, mmm...
Did I miss any play?
Tons.