American Dad! (2005–…): Season 8, Episode 13 - For Black Eyes Only - full transcript
Secret agent Stan Smtih is assigned another high-stakes mission against Tearjerker and Black Villain.
ANNOUNCER:
Previously on American Dad...
Good evening, Tearjerker.
Smith, Stan Smith.
Didn't really ask
who you were, but okay.
Hello again, Mr. Smith.
Will you marry me?
Face it, Tearjerker.
You've jerked your last tear.
I'll be back, Mr. Smith.
(screams)
Oh, Stan, this vacation cottage
is wonderful!
Only the best for my former
whore of a new bride.
(cell phone ringing)
Yello?
Agent Smith, the world
needs your help again.
There's a new villain who...
Sir, I'm on my honeymoon.
But, Stan...
Want me to go downtown?
All the way downtown,
to the worst neighborhood
on my body.
(moaning)
I could suck your toes all day.
I love you, Stan Smith.
I love you, Sexpun Tocome Smith.
You've made me the happiest man
in the world.
(gun cocks)
Hello, Stan Smith.
Who are you?!
Black Villain.
I've never heard of you.
Uh, because I'm up-and-coming.
But I'm gonna make a name
for myself by killing you!
(grunts)
(groans)
Oh, damn.
You killed my wife!
You look ridiculous.
♪
(Irish accent):
You wouldn't be using my hammer,
would you, Murphy?
(Irish accent): Oh, and what if
I was, brother Cillian?
I suppose I'd have to do
something 'bout it.
Oh, and pray tell,
what would that be?
(both yelling)
Come on, guys, break it up.
Shut up, apprentice!
Me hammer!
(grunts)
There you are, Smith.
We've been looking for you.
Did you ever think
that I didn't want to be found?
We need you back, Smith.
Something big and bad
is about to happen,
and I want my best man on it.
I'm out of
the spy business, sir.
That all died when Sexpun did.
What if I told you that
you could catch the man
who killed your wife?
(gasps) Black Villain?
That's right.
He's resurfaced.
(Sexpun screams)
The memories are
so fresh and clear.
It was after that
that I started working
with those Irish roofers.
And then you came here
and asked me
if I wanted to catch
Black Villain.
And then I said yes.
Wait, wait--
did you say yes?
Is this now or is
this you remembering?
How do I know I'm
not a memory?!
I need to know what's real!
Relax, sir. I'm in.
All the way in.
Or as much of me
as you can handle.
Sassy.
Peacenickel, how am I to know
if my strikes are effective
if you keep blocking them?
Hah!
(choking)
Ah, Smith, welcome.
That'll be all, Peacenickel.
(choking)
(kick lands)
Dude.
Here's the intel we have
so far on Black Villain.
He's as evil as he is frugal.
He would've conquered
the world long ago
if he could've figured out how
to do it at a reasonable cost.
Now it appears
he's found a way.
We have reason to believe
that he's planning
a massive attack on
the Eastern seaboard.
Nukes?
We're not sure.
What we do know is
that he's stolen
millions of pounds of sand.
He's also acquired a
crap-load of hair dryers.
Hair dryers?
Yes.
The cheap bastard issued a
fake recall to every salon
in the U.S., saying hair dryers
would make you heterosexual.
They came flooding in.
What is that monster up to?
That's what you need
to find out.
Which is why you'll be
partnered with someone
who also wants revenge
on Black Villain:
Tearjerker.
(gasps)
Tearjerker?! But he's dead!
Why would you think that?
Because he fell in a volcano.
As long as you fall
the right way,
a volcano can never hurt you.
Everyone knows
that, even babies.
Right?
(adult voice):
I... I didn't know that.
(computers beeping,
machines whirring)
After Tearjerker
escaped the volcano,
he partnered up
with Black Villain,
only to have Black Villain
immediately double-cross him.
That's how Tearjerker ended up
in a maximum-security
prison on Easter Island.
So you'll have
to break him out.
How? That prison
is impenetrable.
We'll get you in,
but you'll need this
sandwich to get him out.
What am I supposed
to do with that?
Just get Tearjerker to
eat it. I'll do the rest.
All right, Smith, off you go.
Make sure you check in
as soon as you...
(screams)
Capital thrust, Peacenickel.
That went clean
through my abdomen.
Smith, take our picture.
Quickly now,
before I lose my erection.
(camera clicks)
(mouse clicking,
computer beeping)
(seagulls chirping)
(water dripping)
MAN (over intercom):
You got a visitor, Tearjerker.
Are they hot or not?
Hot!
Phillip, you think
everyone's hot.
Name one person
you don't think is hot.
Ha! See?
You can't do it!
Hello, Tearjerker.
Stan Smith.
You got some set of marbles
coming to see me.
I need your help.
You need my help?
(laughing)
(forced laughing)
I'll never help you.
I'm going after Black Villain.
I will help you.
Okay, then.
First thing we need to do
is get you out of here.
Good luck. This place
is locked down tighter than
a friendship bracelet around
your mom's fat-ass wrist.
Ha, just kidding,
your mom has no friends!
(laughs):
Ho-ho!
Now eat this.
Why?
Just do it.
You haven't said a thing
about my paintings.
Aside from the Havarti cheese,
this sandwich was a total bust.
(screaming)
(electricity crackles)
(shark roaring)
I guess that was
a magnet sandwich.
Looks like we're partners now.
Yeah, you and me, we're gonna
take Black Villain down!
Ow! What are
you doing?!
We're on the same side now!
Oh, right. Partners.
Yes, right.
That... that will take
some getting used to.
If we want to catch
Black Villain,
we have to find his top
henchman, Tchochke Schmear.
He has a booth here
every other Sunday.
Wait, I thought Tchochke
was your henchman.
He was.
But then I went to jail,
and I guess he didn't
want to wait for me.
Some henchmen just can't do
the "alone" thing.
I get it. Whatever.
I mean, it hurts
and it makes no sense to me
and it never will, but I get it.
Just one of those things
I'll never get, you know.
Yeah.
Ooh! Should I buy this?
This old picture of this guy?
Wh-Why would I buy this?
Talk me out of buying this.
I'm buying this.
You know, you never said
how Black Villain
double-crossed you.
You know how Tommy Bahama's
is the best store?
Well, we were gonna open
a competing place
called Johnny Cabo.
But instead, Black Villain
shot me in the face
and turned me in for molesting
my high school gym teacher.
That's right.
I flipped it on him.
Every ceramic frog is $80.
How about this one?
Tchochke Schmear.
Well, well,
if it isn't Tearjerker.
With Stan Smith.
So, you two
are working together?
What's next?
Janeane Garofalo hanging out
with commercial success?
That was a '90s slam!
Tell us where Black Villain is!
I'm not telling you anything!
I'll save you, Tchochke!
Tearjerker! Same side!
(coughing)
Right, right.
Damn it.
Sorry.
All right, all right,
I'll tell you.
The thing you don't know
about Black Villain's
whereabouts that I do is...
(gunshot)
(tires screeching)
Looks like
we're going to Detroit.
(laughter)
It's been two hours.
Why don't we just ask them about
the woman who shot Tchochke?
Because you don't just
walk into a place like this
and start asking questions.
You got to play it cool.
Oh, yeah, no, I knew that.
Look, you didn't know it
and it's fine.
Just let them talk
and eventually they'll tell us
what we need to know.
I hope you told
Craig to shut up.
You know I did.
And I'm done with him.
And he better not show up
at Black Villain's
house party tonight.
Mm-hmm.
We get to that house party,
we get to Black Villain.
Then what're we
waitin' for, fools?
Let's get to that party!
Craig, what are you doing here?
Yeah. Shonteeva doesn't
want to see you, man.
She hates your ass.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
Guys, guys, come on, now.
Y'all don't know
my side of the story.
Let's hear your side, Craig.
Oh, I cheated on her.
But you haven't heard why.
Why, Craig?
'Cause I felt like it.
♪
Let's split up.
Any sign of Black Villain,
you come find me.
You got it, partner.
No! No!
Aah!
No stab!
Aah! Detroit tap water!
That's the woman
who shot Tchochke.
Out of all the girls here...
I "pick" you.
I know you didn't
just touch my hair.
Sexpun!
You're alive!
Except you're...
Damn, Black Villain,
why'd you have to
park so far away?
It's all meters around here.
I'm not paying for that
when there's free parking
at the library
three miles away.
Sexpun...
is that really you?
No, that's a clone
I made of Sexpun.
I call her Sexpunequa.
She's just like the original,
but better.
I blacked her up.
Blacked her up good.
Sexpun, it's me, Stan.
I missed you so much.
Did you miss me?
Fool, I just told you
that's not Sexpun.
She does not know you.
Do you even know what a clone is?
Yeah, I know.
Look, you don't know
and it's fine.
Mind the curb.
You know, for a
big-time super spy,
you sure get knocked out easy.
That's not true!
Take it back!
Take it back, I said.
Where am I?
What's going on?
You're gonna die.
But first, you want to do
that thing where the bad guy
tells the good guy his plan
before he kills him?
Sure.
BLACK VILLAIN:
I got all these hair dryers
on a polar ice cap
in the Arctic Ocean.
I got extension cords leading
from the hair dryers
to my house in Detroit.
Once I plug them in,
the cap's gonna melt,
causing a tidal wave
to head right for the U.S.
You're insane.
Yeah.
The tidal wave should come
all the way to Detroit.
That's what the sand's for.
I'm gonna dump all
of it on my street
and let the water
come right up to it.
Bam!
Beachfront property, y'all.
Millions of people
will be killed.
And I will weep
for those people
as I drink my beer
that's in a paper bag
because there won't be
open containers on my beach.
Can't change all the laws.
You'll never get
away with this.
My partner's gonna come get me.
And there he is.
On cue!
Tearjerker.
Same side!
No, not this time.
This time, it's
a double-cross.
(laughing)
I love old factories.
You get the sense that
so much work was done here.
We don't work
like that anymore.
"Let the Asians do
the work," we say.
What are you going to do to me?
Well, first, I'm gonna do this.
(belches loudly)
Ugh!
Yeah, Havarti.
You got me back into it.
That's on you.
Second, we're gonna
run you through this.
Get me off this crazy thing!
Where's Black Villain?
You can't stop Black Villain.
He's a criminal mastermind,
who will carry out
his plan at any cost.
Yeah, I just bought this
eight-dollar surge protector
and I want to exchange it
for the six-dollar one.
The six-dollar protector
is for preferred customers only.
I am a preferred customer.
You got a preferred
customer card?
It's at home.
I need it to get you
the preferred customer price.
Can I use your customer card?
I'm not very
comfortable with that.
Come on, you still get
the purchaser points, man.
I just want the discount.
Oh, it's like that, huh?
I hope they take
purchaser points...
in hell!
How could you do this to me?
You used to be my wife!
I don't even know who
the hell you are.
Sexpun, I know you're
in there somewhere.
Come on, don't you remember?
We had a life together.
That's insane.
No, I'll prove it.
Reach under my shirt and
look in my gentleman's locket.
So I look like
some dead white girl.
So does Madonna.
Who cares?
I hope the ocean is as blue
as it is in my dreams.
I don't see any fish.
That's because you
talk too much!
I can't believe I've come all
this way just to be defeated.
Defeated.
My feet!
Suck on my feet.
Not you, Tearjerker!
Hell, no!
I'm not sucking those
nasty-ass feet.
Come on, you never
could resist these.
You're out of your damn mind.
Am I out of my mind...
or out of my socks?
Oh, yeah, that's better.
♪
You better...
put those back.
Well...
you are about to die.
That's right.
This is your last chance to get
a taste of these piggies.
Oh, my God.
I remember it all.
We had a life together!
What? No.
You're just repeating
what he said ten minutes ago.
No, he's right.
I'm Sexpun.
I'm his wife.
We were in love.
We are in love.
That's not how cloning works.
You're a completely
different person.
You are so dumb!
Yeah?
Would a dumb person do this?
Yes!
I'm totally telling on you.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I'm here to pull the plug on
your plan, Black Villain.
(whistles)
You had to know I was gonna
use the cloning thing
for something besides
turning a white girl black.
Can you watch
where you're going?
Can you go (bleep) yourself?
(grunting)
(gunshots, grunting)
(laughing)
Yes! It worked!
I can't believe he did it.
Good-bye, Stan Smith.
Sexpunequa, you're so fine,
I'm gonna give you
another chance.
I'd rather die with him
than be with you.
Doesn't matter.
I've got like 40 more of you
in my daddy's garage.
And they do way more
dirty stuff than you do.
Oh, yeah.
(helicopter blades whirring)
Grab Tearjerker now!
Turn it on, S!
Oh, damn.
No!
Wait, why are we saving you?
You betrayed us.
Aah!
Ha!
I survived a volcano.
You don't think
I can survive this?
(waves crashing)
Mmm...
Smith, congratulations
on taking down Black Villain.
Well, it was probably
my toughest assignment yet.
I trust the president will be
presenting me
with a medal of some sort.
Actually, the president is dead,
half the U.S. is underwater
and millions have perished.
So, maybe just enjoy that
beachfront cabin in Iowa, yes?
Smith? Smith?
Previously on American Dad...
Good evening, Tearjerker.
Smith, Stan Smith.
Didn't really ask
who you were, but okay.
Hello again, Mr. Smith.
Will you marry me?
Face it, Tearjerker.
You've jerked your last tear.
I'll be back, Mr. Smith.
(screams)
Oh, Stan, this vacation cottage
is wonderful!
Only the best for my former
whore of a new bride.
(cell phone ringing)
Yello?
Agent Smith, the world
needs your help again.
There's a new villain who...
Sir, I'm on my honeymoon.
But, Stan...
Want me to go downtown?
All the way downtown,
to the worst neighborhood
on my body.
(moaning)
I could suck your toes all day.
I love you, Stan Smith.
I love you, Sexpun Tocome Smith.
You've made me the happiest man
in the world.
(gun cocks)
Hello, Stan Smith.
Who are you?!
Black Villain.
I've never heard of you.
Uh, because I'm up-and-coming.
But I'm gonna make a name
for myself by killing you!
(grunts)
(groans)
Oh, damn.
You killed my wife!
You look ridiculous.
♪
(Irish accent):
You wouldn't be using my hammer,
would you, Murphy?
(Irish accent): Oh, and what if
I was, brother Cillian?
I suppose I'd have to do
something 'bout it.
Oh, and pray tell,
what would that be?
(both yelling)
Come on, guys, break it up.
Shut up, apprentice!
Me hammer!
(grunts)
There you are, Smith.
We've been looking for you.
Did you ever think
that I didn't want to be found?
We need you back, Smith.
Something big and bad
is about to happen,
and I want my best man on it.
I'm out of
the spy business, sir.
That all died when Sexpun did.
What if I told you that
you could catch the man
who killed your wife?
(gasps) Black Villain?
That's right.
He's resurfaced.
(Sexpun screams)
The memories are
so fresh and clear.
It was after that
that I started working
with those Irish roofers.
And then you came here
and asked me
if I wanted to catch
Black Villain.
And then I said yes.
Wait, wait--
did you say yes?
Is this now or is
this you remembering?
How do I know I'm
not a memory?!
I need to know what's real!
Relax, sir. I'm in.
All the way in.
Or as much of me
as you can handle.
Sassy.
Peacenickel, how am I to know
if my strikes are effective
if you keep blocking them?
Hah!
(choking)
Ah, Smith, welcome.
That'll be all, Peacenickel.
(choking)
(kick lands)
Dude.
Here's the intel we have
so far on Black Villain.
He's as evil as he is frugal.
He would've conquered
the world long ago
if he could've figured out how
to do it at a reasonable cost.
Now it appears
he's found a way.
We have reason to believe
that he's planning
a massive attack on
the Eastern seaboard.
Nukes?
We're not sure.
What we do know is
that he's stolen
millions of pounds of sand.
He's also acquired a
crap-load of hair dryers.
Hair dryers?
Yes.
The cheap bastard issued a
fake recall to every salon
in the U.S., saying hair dryers
would make you heterosexual.
They came flooding in.
What is that monster up to?
That's what you need
to find out.
Which is why you'll be
partnered with someone
who also wants revenge
on Black Villain:
Tearjerker.
(gasps)
Tearjerker?! But he's dead!
Why would you think that?
Because he fell in a volcano.
As long as you fall
the right way,
a volcano can never hurt you.
Everyone knows
that, even babies.
Right?
(adult voice):
I... I didn't know that.
(computers beeping,
machines whirring)
After Tearjerker
escaped the volcano,
he partnered up
with Black Villain,
only to have Black Villain
immediately double-cross him.
That's how Tearjerker ended up
in a maximum-security
prison on Easter Island.
So you'll have
to break him out.
How? That prison
is impenetrable.
We'll get you in,
but you'll need this
sandwich to get him out.
What am I supposed
to do with that?
Just get Tearjerker to
eat it. I'll do the rest.
All right, Smith, off you go.
Make sure you check in
as soon as you...
(screams)
Capital thrust, Peacenickel.
That went clean
through my abdomen.
Smith, take our picture.
Quickly now,
before I lose my erection.
(camera clicks)
(mouse clicking,
computer beeping)
(seagulls chirping)
(water dripping)
MAN (over intercom):
You got a visitor, Tearjerker.
Are they hot or not?
Hot!
Phillip, you think
everyone's hot.
Name one person
you don't think is hot.
Ha! See?
You can't do it!
Hello, Tearjerker.
Stan Smith.
You got some set of marbles
coming to see me.
I need your help.
You need my help?
(laughing)
(forced laughing)
I'll never help you.
I'm going after Black Villain.
I will help you.
Okay, then.
First thing we need to do
is get you out of here.
Good luck. This place
is locked down tighter than
a friendship bracelet around
your mom's fat-ass wrist.
Ha, just kidding,
your mom has no friends!
(laughs):
Ho-ho!
Now eat this.
Why?
Just do it.
You haven't said a thing
about my paintings.
Aside from the Havarti cheese,
this sandwich was a total bust.
(screaming)
(electricity crackles)
(shark roaring)
I guess that was
a magnet sandwich.
Looks like we're partners now.
Yeah, you and me, we're gonna
take Black Villain down!
Ow! What are
you doing?!
We're on the same side now!
Oh, right. Partners.
Yes, right.
That... that will take
some getting used to.
If we want to catch
Black Villain,
we have to find his top
henchman, Tchochke Schmear.
He has a booth here
every other Sunday.
Wait, I thought Tchochke
was your henchman.
He was.
But then I went to jail,
and I guess he didn't
want to wait for me.
Some henchmen just can't do
the "alone" thing.
I get it. Whatever.
I mean, it hurts
and it makes no sense to me
and it never will, but I get it.
Just one of those things
I'll never get, you know.
Yeah.
Ooh! Should I buy this?
This old picture of this guy?
Wh-Why would I buy this?
Talk me out of buying this.
I'm buying this.
You know, you never said
how Black Villain
double-crossed you.
You know how Tommy Bahama's
is the best store?
Well, we were gonna open
a competing place
called Johnny Cabo.
But instead, Black Villain
shot me in the face
and turned me in for molesting
my high school gym teacher.
That's right.
I flipped it on him.
Every ceramic frog is $80.
How about this one?
Tchochke Schmear.
Well, well,
if it isn't Tearjerker.
With Stan Smith.
So, you two
are working together?
What's next?
Janeane Garofalo hanging out
with commercial success?
That was a '90s slam!
Tell us where Black Villain is!
I'm not telling you anything!
I'll save you, Tchochke!
Tearjerker! Same side!
(coughing)
Right, right.
Damn it.
Sorry.
All right, all right,
I'll tell you.
The thing you don't know
about Black Villain's
whereabouts that I do is...
(gunshot)
(tires screeching)
Looks like
we're going to Detroit.
(laughter)
It's been two hours.
Why don't we just ask them about
the woman who shot Tchochke?
Because you don't just
walk into a place like this
and start asking questions.
You got to play it cool.
Oh, yeah, no, I knew that.
Look, you didn't know it
and it's fine.
Just let them talk
and eventually they'll tell us
what we need to know.
I hope you told
Craig to shut up.
You know I did.
And I'm done with him.
And he better not show up
at Black Villain's
house party tonight.
Mm-hmm.
We get to that house party,
we get to Black Villain.
Then what're we
waitin' for, fools?
Let's get to that party!
Craig, what are you doing here?
Yeah. Shonteeva doesn't
want to see you, man.
She hates your ass.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys.
Guys, guys, come on, now.
Y'all don't know
my side of the story.
Let's hear your side, Craig.
Oh, I cheated on her.
But you haven't heard why.
Why, Craig?
'Cause I felt like it.
♪
Let's split up.
Any sign of Black Villain,
you come find me.
You got it, partner.
No! No!
Aah!
No stab!
Aah! Detroit tap water!
That's the woman
who shot Tchochke.
Out of all the girls here...
I "pick" you.
I know you didn't
just touch my hair.
Sexpun!
You're alive!
Except you're...
Damn, Black Villain,
why'd you have to
park so far away?
It's all meters around here.
I'm not paying for that
when there's free parking
at the library
three miles away.
Sexpun...
is that really you?
No, that's a clone
I made of Sexpun.
I call her Sexpunequa.
She's just like the original,
but better.
I blacked her up.
Blacked her up good.
Sexpun, it's me, Stan.
I missed you so much.
Did you miss me?
Fool, I just told you
that's not Sexpun.
She does not know you.
Do you even know what a clone is?
Yeah, I know.
Look, you don't know
and it's fine.
Mind the curb.
You know, for a
big-time super spy,
you sure get knocked out easy.
That's not true!
Take it back!
Take it back, I said.
Where am I?
What's going on?
You're gonna die.
But first, you want to do
that thing where the bad guy
tells the good guy his plan
before he kills him?
Sure.
BLACK VILLAIN:
I got all these hair dryers
on a polar ice cap
in the Arctic Ocean.
I got extension cords leading
from the hair dryers
to my house in Detroit.
Once I plug them in,
the cap's gonna melt,
causing a tidal wave
to head right for the U.S.
You're insane.
Yeah.
The tidal wave should come
all the way to Detroit.
That's what the sand's for.
I'm gonna dump all
of it on my street
and let the water
come right up to it.
Bam!
Beachfront property, y'all.
Millions of people
will be killed.
And I will weep
for those people
as I drink my beer
that's in a paper bag
because there won't be
open containers on my beach.
Can't change all the laws.
You'll never get
away with this.
My partner's gonna come get me.
And there he is.
On cue!
Tearjerker.
Same side!
No, not this time.
This time, it's
a double-cross.
(laughing)
I love old factories.
You get the sense that
so much work was done here.
We don't work
like that anymore.
"Let the Asians do
the work," we say.
What are you going to do to me?
Well, first, I'm gonna do this.
(belches loudly)
Ugh!
Yeah, Havarti.
You got me back into it.
That's on you.
Second, we're gonna
run you through this.
Get me off this crazy thing!
Where's Black Villain?
You can't stop Black Villain.
He's a criminal mastermind,
who will carry out
his plan at any cost.
Yeah, I just bought this
eight-dollar surge protector
and I want to exchange it
for the six-dollar one.
The six-dollar protector
is for preferred customers only.
I am a preferred customer.
You got a preferred
customer card?
It's at home.
I need it to get you
the preferred customer price.
Can I use your customer card?
I'm not very
comfortable with that.
Come on, you still get
the purchaser points, man.
I just want the discount.
Oh, it's like that, huh?
I hope they take
purchaser points...
in hell!
How could you do this to me?
You used to be my wife!
I don't even know who
the hell you are.
Sexpun, I know you're
in there somewhere.
Come on, don't you remember?
We had a life together.
That's insane.
No, I'll prove it.
Reach under my shirt and
look in my gentleman's locket.
So I look like
some dead white girl.
So does Madonna.
Who cares?
I hope the ocean is as blue
as it is in my dreams.
I don't see any fish.
That's because you
talk too much!
I can't believe I've come all
this way just to be defeated.
Defeated.
My feet!
Suck on my feet.
Not you, Tearjerker!
Hell, no!
I'm not sucking those
nasty-ass feet.
Come on, you never
could resist these.
You're out of your damn mind.
Am I out of my mind...
or out of my socks?
Oh, yeah, that's better.
♪
You better...
put those back.
Well...
you are about to die.
That's right.
This is your last chance to get
a taste of these piggies.
Oh, my God.
I remember it all.
We had a life together!
What? No.
You're just repeating
what he said ten minutes ago.
No, he's right.
I'm Sexpun.
I'm his wife.
We were in love.
We are in love.
That's not how cloning works.
You're a completely
different person.
You are so dumb!
Yeah?
Would a dumb person do this?
Yes!
I'm totally telling on you.
Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I'm here to pull the plug on
your plan, Black Villain.
(whistles)
You had to know I was gonna
use the cloning thing
for something besides
turning a white girl black.
Can you watch
where you're going?
Can you go (bleep) yourself?
(grunting)
(gunshots, grunting)
(laughing)
Yes! It worked!
I can't believe he did it.
Good-bye, Stan Smith.
Sexpunequa, you're so fine,
I'm gonna give you
another chance.
I'd rather die with him
than be with you.
Doesn't matter.
I've got like 40 more of you
in my daddy's garage.
And they do way more
dirty stuff than you do.
Oh, yeah.
(helicopter blades whirring)
Grab Tearjerker now!
Turn it on, S!
Oh, damn.
No!
Wait, why are we saving you?
You betrayed us.
Aah!
Ha!
I survived a volcano.
You don't think
I can survive this?
(waves crashing)
Mmm...
Smith, congratulations
on taking down Black Villain.
Well, it was probably
my toughest assignment yet.
I trust the president will be
presenting me
with a medal of some sort.
Actually, the president is dead,
half the U.S. is underwater
and millions have perished.
So, maybe just enjoy that
beachfront cabin in Iowa, yes?
Smith? Smith?