American Dad! (2005–…): Season 8, Episode 1 - Love, AD Style - full transcript
While Jeff is away, Roger realizes that he has a crush on Haley. Meanwhile, Stan decides to sell his SUV himself instead of trading it in for lower than his asking price.
Well, hello there.
My name? It's not important.
But what is is the next half hour.
You're gonna see a cautionary tale...
that may greatly influence your next hot tub purchase.
Here we go.
[Alarm Clock Buzzing]
Wait, Stan.
Maybe we could do a little, you know, morning grind.
Wish I had time, but you know how busy my days are.
You're being ridiculous. It takes, like, two minutes.
Let me break down my day for you. I'm up at 7:00.
- From 7.;00 to 7.;08, I brush, shave, shower- - [Farts]
From 7:08 to 7:09, I frantically eat Grape Nuts.
Then I have until 7:45 to take out the trash, mow the lawn...
and feed Klaus his omelet.
- 7:45 to 9:00, drive Steve to school... - [Bell Rings]
And pick up Roger's dry-cleaning.
9:00 to 9:10, park, coffee, desk.
- [All Laughing] - 9.;11 to 9.;12...
think about 9/11.
I get it, Stan. You're busy.
Great. The time we've spent talking about this has put me off schedule.
Now I'll have to shave in the car.
Steve, out!
- Oh, damn it! - Asian!
This is not my fault, Stan.
- I was texting. - [Beeping]
Dad, I'm gonna be late!
I don't have time for this.
I have to get this kid to soccer practice, and then- [Groans]
Back problems, huh? Come on. I'm gonna get you fixed up.
[Grunts]
Well, I guess it's up to me to get to soccer practice.
- [Crashing] - [People Shouting]
- [Man] Whoa! - [Woman] Crazy!
[Groaning]
- What are we doing here? - You need to loosen up that back.
And nothing can get you looser than a hot 'cuzzi.
Look at me. I'm all loosey-goosey.
- Oh! - [Stomach Gurgling]
It's all thanks to my hot tub.
Margaritte, set this man up with some jets.
Hi. I'm Margaritte.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm not really a hot tub guy. I have a family.
Okay, first of all, you need to let go of any preconceived notions you have about tubs.
We have a wide selection of tubs and can find a tub that is right for you.
Look at this tub. It's a family tub.
DVD player. Put The Princess and the Frog on there.
It's a good movie, man.
A lot of people ain't see it because they weren't ready to accept a black princess.
And that's what I'm talkin' about, man. Being open-minded.
Just be free and see what's around you.
Find your tub.
[Waves Crashing]
[Male Voice ] - Well -
- Well, well -
That is not for you.
That is a used tub from the '70s.
A single man's tub, designed for a party lifestyle.
It's like... it called to me.
Come on, Stan. That is a used hot tub.
[Scoffs] That's gross, man.
This is an "anything goes" tub.
Please, man. You got family.
This tub ain't for you.
I'll take it.
Oh! You're not one to listen to reason.
I get that. I respect that.
You idiot.
[Engine Starts]
Oh, Stan, I can't believe we have a hot tub!
Oh, let's have a dip before I pick up the kids.
I'm gonna take a quick dump and then put on your favorite bikini.
This was a stupid impulse buy.
When am I even gonna have time for this?
- [Male Voice] Dip a toe. - [Gasps] Who said that?
Ain't nobody got to know. Just dip a toe.
Wait. You can talk?
I can do a whole lot more than talk, baby.
...[R & B] - - Yeah, don't worry so much -
- Just give the water a touch -
- Nobody has to know -
- And if the time is right -
- Just let your mind ignite -
- Nobody has to know -
- That you dipped a toe -
- D-D-D-Dipped a toe -
[Sighs] Oh, God.
- D-D-D-D-Dipped a toe -
Oh, yes.
- No reason to hide Get all the way inside -
- Oh, God. - - I'm gon' take you for a ride...
Oh, fu-u-u-u-u-
[Bird] Caw!
[Toilet Flushes]
Whazzup?
Mmm.
Stan! Do we have time for this?
Mmm. Shh.
All that matters right now is that we take our time and do this right.
[Gasps, Moans]
That old hot tub loosened Stan right on up.
Now he's got lady foot in his mouth.
That's cool.
That... was...
the... best... sex...
I... ever... had...
with you.
That hot tub. Whoo!
Oh, you have to try it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
- [R & B]
[Chuckles] Hit the jets and watch us blast off.
- There's something going on beneath the water -
- People getting hot, making sons and daughters -
- It's just you and me -
- And L-U-V -
- In the T-U-B -
- Hot tub of love -
- Bubbles in the tub Bubbles in the glass -
- Fig in your mouth and my finger in your -
Hee-haw!
- We're making love tonight -
- Making intercontinental love tonight -
Are we above Egypt?
[Stan] That's Mount Rushmore.
- Giving you a hickey over the mighty Mississippi -
- Sucking on your toe over downtown Tokyo -
- We're doing this dance over Paris, France -
- Chuck Berry me -
- Over Germany -
- We're going all the way -
- 'Cause it's not a race -
- We can take it slow -
- Into outer space -
- It's just you and me -
- Three, two, one. - - Hot tub of love -
We have lift-off.
- Mmm, yeah -
- We can take our time -
- Don't have to wait in line -
- This hot tub's in the V.I.P. tonight -
[Talking] - Give me the address to the ocean -
- I'm 'bout to write it a letter -
- You may be the ocean -
- But I'm hotter and wetter -
- Hey, hey, hey -
- Hey, hey, hey -
- Hey...
Dad! Hey! Hello!
You didn't pick me up!
I sat outside school like an idiot for over four hours!
Then I walked home like a- like an animal! Do you even care?
I mean, did you even pick Roger up from soccer practice?
Stan, the hot tub is great, but you need to take Steve to school.
But I'm only halfway through my soak.
Gee, Dad, I'd love to get in the hot tub too.
But I can't, because I'm pretty sure my parents fucked in it last night!
[Sighs]
Well, damn, man. You all tight again.
Yeah, I don't want to go to work.
Hey, we should have a party.
- No can do. - Okay, okay, okay. I hear you.
But what if we did?
[Stan Laughing]
Ow, baby! Yeah!
Man, I gotta tell you, I was wrong about this tub.
It is so deluxe.
It's even more advanced than a modern-day tub.
Which is strange. Hmm.
Great party, Stan.
I brought you some of this Spa Down.
You'll need it after a party like this.
All the... body oils. You know what I mean?
It affects the chemistry of the water.
So when the tub gets out of control...
just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.
[Francine] What the hell?
Get out, all of you!
- Who were those women, Papa? - Steve, go inside.
Stan, ever since you got this hot tub...
you've been acting different.
You are taking a break from this tub!
[Scoffs] Fine.
[Powering Down]
[Powering Up]
[Meowing]
Come on, babe. You still mad?
Yes.
Stan, we can't just do whatever we want. We're parents.
You don't think that every single day of my life I wanna do coke?
But I can't, because I have P.T.A. Tomorrow.
- And you need to clean the garage... ...[R & B]
Do the bills, do the gutters.
The car needs an oil change.
- You have to look at that busted sprinkler head- ...- [Continues]
Help Steve with his homework, move that woodpile out back-
Stan! Are you listening to me?
Yeah, yeah, of course. I'Il- I'll do all of that in the morning.
Okay, good. Good night.
[Hot Tub] Oh, Stan.
[Sighs]
I think I've figured out the root to all your problems.
It's that family of yours.
They are stressing you out!
Totes. But it's my family. What am I supposed to do?
- [R & B]
- Do whatever you like Do whatever you like -
Shh! Keep your voice down a bit.
- Do whatever you like Do whatever you like -
- If the bubbles feel good -
- Hop on in and let me take you away -
I can only soak a minute. I can't stay longer than that.
- Well, this is your life -
- Stick a finger in my jet It's not gay -
- Upstairs is Francine -
- Downstairs is champagne -
These bubbles go straight to my head.
- Do whatever you like -
- Do whatever you like...
...[Continues] - I don't know. I have a family.
But I do like to do whatever I like.
- [Fades]
...[R & B Ballad] - What time is it?
Damn.
Why is it so hot in here?
[Sighs]
- I must be dreaming This room seems to be steaming -
- Wait, wait. Hold up. Hold up. - ... [Stops]
- [Water Bubbling] - - Is that a bubbly sound I'm hearing? -
- There's water everywhere 'n' -
- I'm freakin', straight tweakin' -
- Where is my man? He best not be creepin' -
- Stan! - It's not what it looks like!
Get out of that tub right now!
- Don't listen to her, listen to me -
- You gotta hit the tub if you want to be free -
- I'm your wife Listen what I say -
- Out of that tub or no bootay -
- What should I do? I don't know -
- I can't get out 'cause it's too cold -
- It's frustration versus relaxation, uh-huh -
- I feel so conflicted -
- But this is up to me -
- On one hand there's the hot tub -
- The other's family -
- - So what's it gonna be?.. ...[Stops]
Choose, Stan- your family or this hot tub.
Man, I'm so relaxed.
Yeah. Now, this feels right.
Just a bachelor and his tub.
Hey, yo, man, let me get another one of them figs.
Mmm, that was the last one.
I should probably go to the store.
I'll just take another day off work.
I don't do dick there anyway.
[Thunder Rumbling]
Thanks for letting us stay here, Mah Mah.
Oh, baby. Is it another woman?
No. It's a hot tub.
- ... [R & B Ballad] - When are we goin' home, big bro?
- Been three hours since I saw you walk away from me - [Echoes]
- I didn't know the way -
- And I didn't have the words to speak - [Echoes]
- But all I knew was -
- Daddy's gone -
- And we're not goin' home -
- Ever again -
- We're never gonna find another father like you -
- No, we won't, no, we won't, no, we won't -
- Oh, Daddy, we're cryin' -
- This is because of you -
- I see you in my dreams at night -
- Whatever did I do? -
- - Every day I'm wanting you with all my might - - - Something just ain't right -
- I wasn't 'cause of me -
- - I'm trying to call out to you - - - I think it's 'cause of you -
[Echoing] - You, you, you -
Daddy! [Echoing]
[Together] - Daddy's gone -
- And we're not goin' home -
- Ever again...
Hey, sorry, man. We closed.
I'm only here after hours because I'm doin' some research...
trying to track down the maker of this used hot tub I sold.
Because so many things about it are seeming strange.
- [Disco]
- - Doing research - - [Man, Low Voice ] I'm doing research.
- So much freaking research -
[Man, Low Voice ] So much freaking research.
- Looking through old books -
- And old documents -
[Man, Low Voice ] So much material out there.
- - Relevant - - [Man, Low Voice ] That's relevant.
- - Irrelevant - - [Man, Low Voice ] Totally irrelevant.
- Super- irrelevant -
[Man, Low Voice ] Whoa, whoa. What was that?
- Back to being relevant -
- [Man, Low Voice ] - Okay, now that's definitely relevant... - ... [Fades]
- [Rings] - [Beeps] Hey, it's Lewis.
I can never find the damn phone. [Beeps]
[Margaritte ] Lewis, it's the hot tub!
I did some research, man.
It used to have a stripper pole in it.
They banned it because some tubs, when they get struck by lightning, they come alive.
The hot tub is alive, and it escaped from a mental institution and did some rapes-
What are you saying, Margaritte?
I'm saying the hot tub is a murderer.
[Tires Squeal]
Stan? Stan!
Hey, Stan, present yourself!
I'm scared for you!
- [IPod. ; R & B]
I have a hot tub.
The hot tub- it's not out back!
It's in the house.
[Whispering, Lisps] Lewisss, we need to drain it.
Hey, boys. Y'all come to party?
[Screams] It is alive!
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
- [Grunting] - Oh, hell, no!
I've survived too much craziness to go out like this!
[Yelling]
[Grunting]
[Shouts]
[Burps]
Oh, my calves are getting tired. My calves.
[Engine Starts]
Okay, I'm not goin' back. I'm not goin' back.
[Screams]
- [IPod. ; R & B]
Fun party, right?
I think me and Susan are gonna slip into something a little more "diaphragm-y."
[Giggles] Mm-hmm.
I'm not so sure I can go through with this.
I like to party, but I'm still a married man.
Man, forget Francine.
You got two insecure, emotionally damaged girls here who are half your age.
This is the dream!
- [Women Vocalizing]
You're right, Hot Tub. It is a dream.
A wet dream.
Susan and friend, you are some of the most quality people I've met...
in my entire life.
Just quality. Quality all the way.
But right now, I need to be with my wife.
But, hey, just because I have to go...
doesn't mean you two can't pound triangles in the hot tub.
[Phone Rings]
Hello? No! She no talk to you!
What do you want?
[Stan] I was a fool. I miss you.
Come home, Francine.
Oh, Stan!
[Doorbell Rings]
What you doing here?
- What? - You call her.
I didn't call-
[Gasps] Hot tub!
[Sinister Laughter]
Francine!
- [Water Bubbling] - Stan?
- [R & B]
Stan, are you in here?
Where's Stan?
Well, well. If it isn't Francine.
[Chuckles] Why don't you get in the tub?
- Who said that? - Me, baby.
Come on. Get in the tub.
What are you?
- I said, you know you want to get in the tub -
- Absolutely not! - - Yeah -
Come on. I got a rotating jet with your ass's name on it.
I'm not gonna do it, so just leave me alone. Okay?
What's wrong, Francine?
What have you done with my husband?
[Sinister Laughter]
You better get in this tub, Francine.
No! I will not!
- Get over here! - [Francine Screams]
[Screaming]
Give me back my wife!
I thought getting your family out of here was enough.
But they're still on your mind, so I gotta get 'em off this earth.
Oh, damn!
Stan!
No! Why are you doing this?
That family was gonna take you away from me, just like before.
What are you talking about?
Well, I was custom-made for Joe Nakash.
- What? - Joe was the founder of Jordache Jeans.
He was a serious bachelor, man.
We threw wild parties, had incredible times.
Until Joe met a girl.
They had a family and started using me less and less.
Eventually, not at all.
And that's what happens to hot tubs when you have families.
They don't get used as much.
So I killed Joe's family!
Are you crazy? Of course people choose families over hot tubs!
You know what? You can be with your wife again.
Because you'll both be dead!
[Screaming]
[Grunting, Yelling]
- And once again back is the hot tub with a thirst for blood -
- And I don't need you, Stan Don't wanna be my wingman? -
- Fine, I'll just carry out my evil plan -
- I got a house and a phone I'm-a call some freaks that I don't know too well -
- Don't wanna partake with me? You and your wife can both go to hell -
- - I'm psychotic - - [Backup Singers] - Psychotic -
- - Hot tub - - - Hot tub -
- - I got it - - - I got it -
- - Locked up - - - Locked up -
- - Your mind, body - - - Mind, body -
- And your soul I'm in control -
- Don't get crazy I'm lettin' the bubbles pop -
- What?..
[Hot Tub] Bye, Stan!
When the tub gets out of control...
just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.
[Grunting]
[Coughing]
Well, there you have it. That's our story. Stan's dead. Good night.
- ... [R & B] - - We're going all the way -
- 'Cause it's not a race -
- We can take it slow -
- Into outer space -
- It's just you and me -
- [Continues]
- You and me and L-U-V-
- In the T- U-B of love...
- [Continues]
Bye! Have a beautiful time.
My name? It's not important.
But what is is the next half hour.
You're gonna see a cautionary tale...
that may greatly influence your next hot tub purchase.
Here we go.
[Alarm Clock Buzzing]
Wait, Stan.
Maybe we could do a little, you know, morning grind.
Wish I had time, but you know how busy my days are.
You're being ridiculous. It takes, like, two minutes.
Let me break down my day for you. I'm up at 7:00.
- From 7.;00 to 7.;08, I brush, shave, shower- - [Farts]
From 7:08 to 7:09, I frantically eat Grape Nuts.
Then I have until 7:45 to take out the trash, mow the lawn...
and feed Klaus his omelet.
- 7:45 to 9:00, drive Steve to school... - [Bell Rings]
And pick up Roger's dry-cleaning.
9:00 to 9:10, park, coffee, desk.
- [All Laughing] - 9.;11 to 9.;12...
think about 9/11.
I get it, Stan. You're busy.
Great. The time we've spent talking about this has put me off schedule.
Now I'll have to shave in the car.
Steve, out!
- Oh, damn it! - Asian!
This is not my fault, Stan.
- I was texting. - [Beeping]
Dad, I'm gonna be late!
I don't have time for this.
I have to get this kid to soccer practice, and then- [Groans]
Back problems, huh? Come on. I'm gonna get you fixed up.
[Grunts]
Well, I guess it's up to me to get to soccer practice.
- [Crashing] - [People Shouting]
- [Man] Whoa! - [Woman] Crazy!
[Groaning]
- What are we doing here? - You need to loosen up that back.
And nothing can get you looser than a hot 'cuzzi.
Look at me. I'm all loosey-goosey.
- Oh! - [Stomach Gurgling]
It's all thanks to my hot tub.
Margaritte, set this man up with some jets.
Hi. I'm Margaritte.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm not really a hot tub guy. I have a family.
Okay, first of all, you need to let go of any preconceived notions you have about tubs.
We have a wide selection of tubs and can find a tub that is right for you.
Look at this tub. It's a family tub.
DVD player. Put The Princess and the Frog on there.
It's a good movie, man.
A lot of people ain't see it because they weren't ready to accept a black princess.
And that's what I'm talkin' about, man. Being open-minded.
Just be free and see what's around you.
Find your tub.
[Waves Crashing]
[Male Voice ] - Well -
- Well, well -
That is not for you.
That is a used tub from the '70s.
A single man's tub, designed for a party lifestyle.
It's like... it called to me.
Come on, Stan. That is a used hot tub.
[Scoffs] That's gross, man.
This is an "anything goes" tub.
Please, man. You got family.
This tub ain't for you.
I'll take it.
Oh! You're not one to listen to reason.
I get that. I respect that.
You idiot.
[Engine Starts]
Oh, Stan, I can't believe we have a hot tub!
Oh, let's have a dip before I pick up the kids.
I'm gonna take a quick dump and then put on your favorite bikini.
This was a stupid impulse buy.
When am I even gonna have time for this?
- [Male Voice] Dip a toe. - [Gasps] Who said that?
Ain't nobody got to know. Just dip a toe.
Wait. You can talk?
I can do a whole lot more than talk, baby.
...[R & B] - - Yeah, don't worry so much -
- Just give the water a touch -
- Nobody has to know -
- And if the time is right -
- Just let your mind ignite -
- Nobody has to know -
- That you dipped a toe -
- D-D-D-Dipped a toe -
[Sighs] Oh, God.
- D-D-D-D-Dipped a toe -
Oh, yes.
- No reason to hide Get all the way inside -
- Oh, God. - - I'm gon' take you for a ride...
Oh, fu-u-u-u-u-
[Bird] Caw!
[Toilet Flushes]
Whazzup?
Mmm.
Stan! Do we have time for this?
Mmm. Shh.
All that matters right now is that we take our time and do this right.
[Gasps, Moans]
That old hot tub loosened Stan right on up.
Now he's got lady foot in his mouth.
That's cool.
That... was...
the... best... sex...
I... ever... had...
with you.
That hot tub. Whoo!
Oh, you have to try it.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
- [R & B]
[Chuckles] Hit the jets and watch us blast off.
- There's something going on beneath the water -
- People getting hot, making sons and daughters -
- It's just you and me -
- And L-U-V -
- In the T-U-B -
- Hot tub of love -
- Bubbles in the tub Bubbles in the glass -
- Fig in your mouth and my finger in your -
Hee-haw!
- We're making love tonight -
- Making intercontinental love tonight -
Are we above Egypt?
[Stan] That's Mount Rushmore.
- Giving you a hickey over the mighty Mississippi -
- Sucking on your toe over downtown Tokyo -
- We're doing this dance over Paris, France -
- Chuck Berry me -
- Over Germany -
- We're going all the way -
- 'Cause it's not a race -
- We can take it slow -
- Into outer space -
- It's just you and me -
- Three, two, one. - - Hot tub of love -
We have lift-off.
- Mmm, yeah -
- We can take our time -
- Don't have to wait in line -
- This hot tub's in the V.I.P. tonight -
[Talking] - Give me the address to the ocean -
- I'm 'bout to write it a letter -
- You may be the ocean -
- But I'm hotter and wetter -
- Hey, hey, hey -
- Hey, hey, hey -
- Hey...
Dad! Hey! Hello!
You didn't pick me up!
I sat outside school like an idiot for over four hours!
Then I walked home like a- like an animal! Do you even care?
I mean, did you even pick Roger up from soccer practice?
Stan, the hot tub is great, but you need to take Steve to school.
But I'm only halfway through my soak.
Gee, Dad, I'd love to get in the hot tub too.
But I can't, because I'm pretty sure my parents fucked in it last night!
[Sighs]
Well, damn, man. You all tight again.
Yeah, I don't want to go to work.
Hey, we should have a party.
- No can do. - Okay, okay, okay. I hear you.
But what if we did?
[Stan Laughing]
Ow, baby! Yeah!
Man, I gotta tell you, I was wrong about this tub.
It is so deluxe.
It's even more advanced than a modern-day tub.
Which is strange. Hmm.
Great party, Stan.
I brought you some of this Spa Down.
You'll need it after a party like this.
All the... body oils. You know what I mean?
It affects the chemistry of the water.
So when the tub gets out of control...
just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.
[Francine] What the hell?
Get out, all of you!
- Who were those women, Papa? - Steve, go inside.
Stan, ever since you got this hot tub...
you've been acting different.
You are taking a break from this tub!
[Scoffs] Fine.
[Powering Down]
[Powering Up]
[Meowing]
Come on, babe. You still mad?
Yes.
Stan, we can't just do whatever we want. We're parents.
You don't think that every single day of my life I wanna do coke?
But I can't, because I have P.T.A. Tomorrow.
- And you need to clean the garage... ...[R & B]
Do the bills, do the gutters.
The car needs an oil change.
- You have to look at that busted sprinkler head- ...- [Continues]
Help Steve with his homework, move that woodpile out back-
Stan! Are you listening to me?
Yeah, yeah, of course. I'Il- I'll do all of that in the morning.
Okay, good. Good night.
[Hot Tub] Oh, Stan.
[Sighs]
I think I've figured out the root to all your problems.
It's that family of yours.
They are stressing you out!
Totes. But it's my family. What am I supposed to do?
- [R & B]
- Do whatever you like Do whatever you like -
Shh! Keep your voice down a bit.
- Do whatever you like Do whatever you like -
- If the bubbles feel good -
- Hop on in and let me take you away -
I can only soak a minute. I can't stay longer than that.
- Well, this is your life -
- Stick a finger in my jet It's not gay -
- Upstairs is Francine -
- Downstairs is champagne -
These bubbles go straight to my head.
- Do whatever you like -
- Do whatever you like...
...[Continues] - I don't know. I have a family.
But I do like to do whatever I like.
- [Fades]
...[R & B Ballad] - What time is it?
Damn.
Why is it so hot in here?
[Sighs]
- I must be dreaming This room seems to be steaming -
- Wait, wait. Hold up. Hold up. - ... [Stops]
- [Water Bubbling] - - Is that a bubbly sound I'm hearing? -
- There's water everywhere 'n' -
- I'm freakin', straight tweakin' -
- Where is my man? He best not be creepin' -
- Stan! - It's not what it looks like!
Get out of that tub right now!
- Don't listen to her, listen to me -
- You gotta hit the tub if you want to be free -
- I'm your wife Listen what I say -
- Out of that tub or no bootay -
- What should I do? I don't know -
- I can't get out 'cause it's too cold -
- It's frustration versus relaxation, uh-huh -
- I feel so conflicted -
- But this is up to me -
- On one hand there's the hot tub -
- The other's family -
- - So what's it gonna be?.. ...[Stops]
Choose, Stan- your family or this hot tub.
Man, I'm so relaxed.
Yeah. Now, this feels right.
Just a bachelor and his tub.
Hey, yo, man, let me get another one of them figs.
Mmm, that was the last one.
I should probably go to the store.
I'll just take another day off work.
I don't do dick there anyway.
[Thunder Rumbling]
Thanks for letting us stay here, Mah Mah.
Oh, baby. Is it another woman?
No. It's a hot tub.
- ... [R & B Ballad] - When are we goin' home, big bro?
- Been three hours since I saw you walk away from me - [Echoes]
- I didn't know the way -
- And I didn't have the words to speak - [Echoes]
- But all I knew was -
- Daddy's gone -
- And we're not goin' home -
- Ever again -
- We're never gonna find another father like you -
- No, we won't, no, we won't, no, we won't -
- Oh, Daddy, we're cryin' -
- This is because of you -
- I see you in my dreams at night -
- Whatever did I do? -
- - Every day I'm wanting you with all my might - - - Something just ain't right -
- I wasn't 'cause of me -
- - I'm trying to call out to you - - - I think it's 'cause of you -
[Echoing] - You, you, you -
Daddy! [Echoing]
[Together] - Daddy's gone -
- And we're not goin' home -
- Ever again...
Hey, sorry, man. We closed.
I'm only here after hours because I'm doin' some research...
trying to track down the maker of this used hot tub I sold.
Because so many things about it are seeming strange.
- [Disco]
- - Doing research - - [Man, Low Voice ] I'm doing research.
- So much freaking research -
[Man, Low Voice ] So much freaking research.
- Looking through old books -
- And old documents -
[Man, Low Voice ] So much material out there.
- - Relevant - - [Man, Low Voice ] That's relevant.
- - Irrelevant - - [Man, Low Voice ] Totally irrelevant.
- Super- irrelevant -
[Man, Low Voice ] Whoa, whoa. What was that?
- Back to being relevant -
- [Man, Low Voice ] - Okay, now that's definitely relevant... - ... [Fades]
- [Rings] - [Beeps] Hey, it's Lewis.
I can never find the damn phone. [Beeps]
[Margaritte ] Lewis, it's the hot tub!
I did some research, man.
It used to have a stripper pole in it.
They banned it because some tubs, when they get struck by lightning, they come alive.
The hot tub is alive, and it escaped from a mental institution and did some rapes-
What are you saying, Margaritte?
I'm saying the hot tub is a murderer.
[Tires Squeal]
Stan? Stan!
Hey, Stan, present yourself!
I'm scared for you!
- [IPod. ; R & B]
I have a hot tub.
The hot tub- it's not out back!
It's in the house.
[Whispering, Lisps] Lewisss, we need to drain it.
Hey, boys. Y'all come to party?
[Screams] It is alive!
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
- [Grunting] - Oh, hell, no!
I've survived too much craziness to go out like this!
[Yelling]
[Grunting]
[Shouts]
[Burps]
Oh, my calves are getting tired. My calves.
[Engine Starts]
Okay, I'm not goin' back. I'm not goin' back.
[Screams]
- [IPod. ; R & B]
Fun party, right?
I think me and Susan are gonna slip into something a little more "diaphragm-y."
[Giggles] Mm-hmm.
I'm not so sure I can go through with this.
I like to party, but I'm still a married man.
Man, forget Francine.
You got two insecure, emotionally damaged girls here who are half your age.
This is the dream!
- [Women Vocalizing]
You're right, Hot Tub. It is a dream.
A wet dream.
Susan and friend, you are some of the most quality people I've met...
in my entire life.
Just quality. Quality all the way.
But right now, I need to be with my wife.
But, hey, just because I have to go...
doesn't mean you two can't pound triangles in the hot tub.
[Phone Rings]
Hello? No! She no talk to you!
What do you want?
[Stan] I was a fool. I miss you.
Come home, Francine.
Oh, Stan!
[Doorbell Rings]
What you doing here?
- What? - You call her.
I didn't call-
[Gasps] Hot tub!
[Sinister Laughter]
Francine!
- [Water Bubbling] - Stan?
- [R & B]
Stan, are you in here?
Where's Stan?
Well, well. If it isn't Francine.
[Chuckles] Why don't you get in the tub?
- Who said that? - Me, baby.
Come on. Get in the tub.
What are you?
- I said, you know you want to get in the tub -
- Absolutely not! - - Yeah -
Come on. I got a rotating jet with your ass's name on it.
I'm not gonna do it, so just leave me alone. Okay?
What's wrong, Francine?
What have you done with my husband?
[Sinister Laughter]
You better get in this tub, Francine.
No! I will not!
- Get over here! - [Francine Screams]
[Screaming]
Give me back my wife!
I thought getting your family out of here was enough.
But they're still on your mind, so I gotta get 'em off this earth.
Oh, damn!
Stan!
No! Why are you doing this?
That family was gonna take you away from me, just like before.
What are you talking about?
Well, I was custom-made for Joe Nakash.
- What? - Joe was the founder of Jordache Jeans.
He was a serious bachelor, man.
We threw wild parties, had incredible times.
Until Joe met a girl.
They had a family and started using me less and less.
Eventually, not at all.
And that's what happens to hot tubs when you have families.
They don't get used as much.
So I killed Joe's family!
Are you crazy? Of course people choose families over hot tubs!
You know what? You can be with your wife again.
Because you'll both be dead!
[Screaming]
[Grunting, Yelling]
- And once again back is the hot tub with a thirst for blood -
- And I don't need you, Stan Don't wanna be my wingman? -
- Fine, I'll just carry out my evil plan -
- I got a house and a phone I'm-a call some freaks that I don't know too well -
- Don't wanna partake with me? You and your wife can both go to hell -
- - I'm psychotic - - [Backup Singers] - Psychotic -
- - Hot tub - - - Hot tub -
- - I got it - - - I got it -
- - Locked up - - - Locked up -
- - Your mind, body - - - Mind, body -
- And your soul I'm in control -
- Don't get crazy I'm lettin' the bubbles pop -
- What?..
[Hot Tub] Bye, Stan!
When the tub gets out of control...
just use some of this Spa Down to calm it down.
[Grunting]
[Coughing]
Well, there you have it. That's our story. Stan's dead. Good night.
- ... [R & B] - - We're going all the way -
- 'Cause it's not a race -
- We can take it slow -
- Into outer space -
- It's just you and me -
- [Continues]
- You and me and L-U-V-
- In the T- U-B of love...
- [Continues]
Bye! Have a beautiful time.