American Dad! (2005–…): Season 7, Episode 9 - Stanny Tendergrass - full transcript
Stan's efforts to teach Steve the value of hard work and earn membership to a country club backfire on him, and Francine tries to come up with the next big catchphrase.
# Good morning, U.S.A.
# I got a feeling
that it's gonna be a wonderful day
# The sun in the sky
has a shine on his face
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say
# Good morning, U.S.A.
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
(BEEPING)
# ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA:
Mr Blue Sky
# The sun is shining in the sky
# There ain't a cloud in sight
# It's stopped raining
# Everybody's in the play
# And don't you know it's
a beautiful new day, hey, hey
# Running down the avenue
# See how the sun shines brightly
in the city
# On the streets
where once was pity
# Mr Blue Sky is living here today
hey, hey
(SPLAT)
(GASPS)
(SIGHS)
What in the hell is that?
My zucchini casserole.
Zucchini? Excuse me,
but this is not Italian squash.
Yeah, the only thing Italian about
this situation is your dirty lies.
(INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY)
You're right.
It's not zucchini, it's okra.
I guess when I was at the store,
my mind was somewhere else.
See, sometimes I escape
to a little place in my head
where no-one complains
about the meals I cook.
Argh!
(THUD)
And there's no more scraping
snot rockets off the shower tiles.
And no more P-B and J
with the crust cut off.
(WHIMPERS)
(NECK SNAPS)
Anyway, if you don't want to eat it,
I can fix something else.
Okra's great!
Yum!
Well, I'm not eating it.
Okra gives me pretty bad gas.
Just eat it. OK. But don't complain
if I get pretty bad gas.
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPS)
(COUGHS) Stan!
(COUGHS) The house must be on fire!
(COUGHING)
I don't see any flames.
Then what is it?
Who farted?
This guy!
(PROLONGED FARTING)
Well, whatever's in there
is off the charts toxic.
It's gonna take at least a week
to sanitise your house.
A week? Where are we supposed to go
for a week?
Relax. Just leave it to me.
OK. I got us free rooms
for the whole week.
How'd you do that?
I stayed here back in the '80s
and suffered a terrible accident.
To avoid a lawsuit, the hotel
gave me a free week of rooms.
I forgot about the whole thing
until today.
That fart really
shook some memories loose.
Wow, I just remembered I was also
in a legal battle with Nabisco.
I claimed I was Asian,
and sued over Cheese Nips.
Everything's complimentary.
Room service, laundry, you name it.
You hear that, honey?
A whole week without you having to
take care of us. Wow!
Finally some 'me' time.
Stan and Francine,
here are keys to your room,
and Steve, here's yours.
What about my room?
Got ya' covered.
Oh, boy. What's in here?
NARRATOR: Some say that was the end
of Klaus's story.
Some say it was just the beginning.
No-one ever says it was the middle.
Bewitching, isn't she?
I know you. Weren't you
the concierge in "Pretty Woman"?
Yes. I'm Hector Elizondo.
I played a concierge
in over 400 movies and TV pilots.
Acting pays the bills so I can
pursue my true passion: concierging.
I don't mean to ignore
your strange monologue,
but I can't take my eyes off
this enchanting vision.
The moment I saw her,
I felt as if I'd met her before.
Impossible.
The great artist, Patrick Nagel,
painted her while staying
in this hotel in 1981.
Then I'm too late to meet her.
God, if it were only 1981 again.
Well, young man, perhaps it can be.
Excuse me.
Where can I get some tampons?
Right over here, miss.
I keep them next to my Tony.
(CLICK)
Ah. No breakfast to make,
no clothes to wash.
I guess I can do whatever I want.
What are you doing? Laying out
your clothes for the day.
Honey, stop worrying about us.
Go spend time with Francine.
Get to know her.
That's something
I always wish I'd done.
Are...are you sure?
I'm pretty sure I can dress myself.
Uh, OK.
I'll just...get to know me.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
Oh, she forgot the socks.
Now, which ones go with the suit,
Navy or black?
Francine!
Do you like horseback riding?
Hang-gliding?
I don't know.
OK.
How do you spend your time?
Well,
for the last 20 years
I've just taken care of my family.
Sounds like someone
needs to get a life.
Uhh...
'Sounds like someone needs to get
a life...get a life...get a life.'
Do you know Sarah Blanch,
the OmniSlab Concrete rep
from Chicago?
No, but I hear she's finally coming
to a convention.
I heard she was in an accident
on her way here.
Car went over a cliff
and into a river.
That's horrible.
She's presumed dead.
But nothing's concrete.
(THEY LAUGH)
But seriously,
she's probably dead.
I know who you are!
You do?
There's only one name tag left.
You must be Sarah Blanch.
Someone needs to get a life...
get a life...get a life.
Ye..yes, that's me.
I am Sarah Blanch.
Someone needs to get naked.
Get naked. Get naked.
Please, God, not you...not you...
not you.
So welcome, everyone, and, uh,
let's make this
Concrete Sellers Convention
the most solid one ever.
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Sarah Blanche.
Pam Deakins, the Bakersfield rep.
We've done business on the phone.
Ohh!
Bakersfield Pam!
You know, Sarah, there's a rumour
that you died in a car crash.
(LAUGHS) What?
Oh, my, no.
I was just dying to be here.
(LAUGHTER)
If you're like me,
you were dying to get away
from your family for a week.
Actually, I...don't have a family.
Nope. My life is all about me.
Horseback riding and hang-gliding,
and, um, having sex with
some of Chicago's many Polocks.
Sounds like the life to me.
Hi, Sarah. Pete Pendelman,
concrete man out of Sheboygan.
Let's walk and talk.
What are you doing?
What?
On a whim, I decided to be
a saleswoman who didn't show up.
Big deal.
No, I get it.
You need a little escape
from Francine.
We are gonna have so much fun
this week. Yeah.
We'll mingle,
go to cocktail mixers...
Oh, no. Pete Pendelman
is a recovering alcoholic.
I started hitting the bottle
after my wife died
during breast-reduction surgery
that I made her get.
She was pregnant at the time.
Anyway, we're gonna have a blast,
as long as the real Sarah Blanch
doesn't show up.
Oh, don't worry.
Sarah Blanch is dead.
(GASPS AND LAUGHS)
(THUD)
Stop torturing yourself, Steve.
You'll never have her.
Unless you believe in...time travel.
What?
Oh, sorry.
Wrong brochure.
Whoa!
This claims you can travel
back in time using only your mind.
Do you know what this means?
Yes. You can go back in time,
watch me be born,
and be the first person to hold me.
Just kidding.
Go back to 1981
and get your dream girl.
Thanks, Hector!
Who will hug Baby Hector?
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
You tap dance, too?
Wow, Sarah.
How many hobbies do you have?
Five.
Wow! Five!
Pete, you've been quiet.
What about your family? You married?
Two years ago, my wife was killed
by a plastic surgeon in Ecuador.
I found him on YELP.
I gave him two stars.
Her breasts looked amazing
during the open casket.
So, I WAS married.
Ahem.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
(SIGHS)
Looks like Sarah's day is over.
BOTH: Awww!
Excuse me, Miss Blanch.
We show you still haven't
checked into your executive suite.
Whoa!
A complimentary bucket of Coronas?
Sarah must be super important.
Hey, let's order huge sundaes from
room service and just pig out.
Oh, no sweets for Pete.
I have stage two diabetes.
In fact...
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Really?
I could get used to being
Sarah Blanch.
# I'm gonna live till I die
# I'm gonna laugh instead of cry
# I'm gonna take the town
and turn it upside down
# I'm gonna live, live, live
till I die
# They're gonna say what a gal
# I'm gonna play for the sky
# Ain't gonna miss a thing,
I'm gonna have my fling
# I'm gonna live, live, live
till I die #
How the hell does she know
how to tap dance?
Because she's Sarah (BLEEP) Blanch!
Hey, you're a loudmouth, Doug.
(SLAP)
You're loud.
All right, Steve,
this is exactly how
your hotel room looked in 1981.
Whoa! A waterbed.
So, basically I just concentrate
as hard as I can that I'm in 1981,
and I'll be transported
back in time
to meet my dream girl
from the painting?
Yes, Steve. What is so hard
to understand about that?
OK.
It's May 14th, 1981.
President Jimmy Carter leaves
the White House in disgrace.
Pope John Paul the Second is shot
in Rome by a deranged Jimmy Carter.
Jimmy Carter kidnaps and devours
13 Christian babies.
Hmm. Maybe I should have read
a real history book
instead of the one Dad wrote.
Did it work? Is it 1981?
Roger?
Dammit, it didn't work.
Who's Roger?
The name's Reaganomics Lamborghini,
Jacuzzi dealer.
Want to smoke cocaine out of my pipe
made from a Rubik's Cube?
Argh! Argh! Argh!
Sir, are you all right?
I was sitting on this waterbed,
minding my own business,
when it spontaneously exploded!
I demand a week of free rooms,
or I'll sue the crap out of you!
Wait a second.
I made it! It's 1981!
(PLAYS RIFF)
Hey, I just got another crazy text
from Stan about socks. Is he OK?
Oh, I'm sure he's fine.
(SOBS)
Look, I don't have time
for anyone else right now.
I'm too busy living my own life.
But it's not your life.
It belongs to...
Sarah! Where have you been?
You have to give your speech. What?
There she is. Our closing speaker,
OmniSlab rep, Sarah Blanch!
You've taken Sarah as far as
she can go. Let's make a run for it.
Come on up, Sarah.
(SIGHS)
You...dumb bitch.
(APPLAUSE)
(SINGLE CLAP)
Hello. Um, I'm here to talk about...
rebar placement and planned
gap structure coordination.
Huh?
You know what?
No.
What I'd really like to talk about
is the, um...uh...uh...uh...
..the Chinese!
The Chinese threat to
our domestic concrete industry.
There are over a million
Chinese people in China alone.
And I'm here to tell you,
they are a-comin', folks.
They know math.
They know kung fu.
And they've been going pee-pee
in our Coke for years!
So let's keep the yellow
out of our red, white and blue!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Nagel, you're a genius.
Sun-faded prints of your paintings
will never be found
in Korean hair salons.
Mr Nagel, sir, I have travelled
a great distance to see you.
You paint my dream girl today,
and I need to know who she is.
Oh, I'm touched by your passion,
young man.
I'll help you on your lover's quest.
But first,
share in some cherry wine.
Um, cherry wine
tastes pretty weird.
That's because I put a bunch of
weird, illegal things in it.
(LAUGHTER)
Nagel, you son of a bitch,
let's drug some kids.
(THUD)
Oh, you kidding me?
You already cut the turkey?
Well, Sarah, it's been fun,
but all good characters
must come to an end.
Sarah. Jed Farnsworth of the
Cherino Concrete Corporation.
I haven't heard someone speak
with that much passion
since my fat friend discovered
Buca Di Beppo.
Well, thank you.
Look, I want you to come manage
my Portland facility.
It's the most prestigious job
in the concrete industry.
I...I don't know what to say.
Say yes, and tomorrow you can fly
to your new life in Economy Plus,
with only one stop in Denver.
What are you doing?
What's there to even think about?
You're right.
Mr Farnsworth,
I'll take that job in Portland.
Wait, what?!
Well, there goes my two-year chip.
Stale as the dickens.
Thank you to Timothy Creehan
of Salina, Kansas,
for sending us this week's
winning joke.
Francine, you're not actually
taking the job in Portland?
Think about your family.
Francine Smith spent her whole
life thinking about her family,
and what did it do for her? Nada.
Francine, listen to me.
Wait, you throwing that away?
This would make a perfect cape.
I am The Tender Vigilante.
This city's in pain,
and it needs my tender justice.
Oh, my God, it's working!
(THUD/SIRENS)
Hey, sleepy head.
Wha..what happened?
You passed out.
It's a shame.
You missed the creation
of my latest masterpiece.
She was here, and I missed her?
No, my dear Smurf, you ARE her.
While you slumbered,
I stripped you naked,
placed a black wig on you,
put a cougar in your lap,
and..heh-heh...voila!
Nooooooo!
Argh!
The girl in the painting was you,
wasn't it, Steve?
How...how did you know?
Because I was once in love, too.
The Tender Vigilante
doesn't have...insurance.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Welcome aboard, Sarah.
Ms Blanch, your limo is waiting
to take you to the airport.
Thank you, Jonathan.
Did you give any thought to joining
my family for Christmas dinner?
We hate the thought of you spending
another holiday alone.
Thank you, Jonathan,
but I'll be working.
Plus, you know I don't dine
with robots. Oh.
But you weren't complaining last
night, when I spent the better part
of two hours eating your...baaaaa.
Broxton, before we go to the hotel,
can we make a stop first?
I've seen enough, Broxton.
Ms Blanch!
Back for another
concrete convention.
It's been ten years and three more
Garry Marshall movies.
Let me ask - are you happy
with the life you've chosen?
No. No, I'm not.
Well, there's always a way back.
Uh, sorry. Here.
The Tender Vigilante
doesn't have...insurance.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
We need to talk.
I'm you from the future.
Really?
When did I get Paulie Walnuts hair?
Don't get in that car.
'Bye, guys. Have a good day.
Wait, what about breakfast?
I'm happy to make you breakfast
every day except Thursday.
Thursdays are for me.
MAN: And from that moment on,
Francine made Thursday her day.
A day to do whatever she pleased.
Yeah, girl, do your thing.
Get your Thursday on.
Hm.
Man, was that close.
subtitles by Deluxe
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
# I got a feeling
that it's gonna be a wonderful day
# The sun in the sky
has a shine on his face
# And he's shining a salute
to the American race
# Oh, boy, it's swell to say
# Good morning, U.S.A.
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
(BEEPING)
# ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA:
Mr Blue Sky
# The sun is shining in the sky
# There ain't a cloud in sight
# It's stopped raining
# Everybody's in the play
# And don't you know it's
a beautiful new day, hey, hey
# Running down the avenue
# See how the sun shines brightly
in the city
# On the streets
where once was pity
# Mr Blue Sky is living here today
hey, hey
(SPLAT)
(GASPS)
(SIGHS)
What in the hell is that?
My zucchini casserole.
Zucchini? Excuse me,
but this is not Italian squash.
Yeah, the only thing Italian about
this situation is your dirty lies.
(INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY)
You're right.
It's not zucchini, it's okra.
I guess when I was at the store,
my mind was somewhere else.
See, sometimes I escape
to a little place in my head
where no-one complains
about the meals I cook.
Argh!
(THUD)
And there's no more scraping
snot rockets off the shower tiles.
And no more P-B and J
with the crust cut off.
(WHIMPERS)
(NECK SNAPS)
Anyway, if you don't want to eat it,
I can fix something else.
Okra's great!
Yum!
Well, I'm not eating it.
Okra gives me pretty bad gas.
Just eat it. OK. But don't complain
if I get pretty bad gas.
(SMOKE ALARM BEEPS)
(COUGHS) Stan!
(COUGHS) The house must be on fire!
(COUGHING)
I don't see any flames.
Then what is it?
Who farted?
This guy!
(PROLONGED FARTING)
Well, whatever's in there
is off the charts toxic.
It's gonna take at least a week
to sanitise your house.
A week? Where are we supposed to go
for a week?
Relax. Just leave it to me.
OK. I got us free rooms
for the whole week.
How'd you do that?
I stayed here back in the '80s
and suffered a terrible accident.
To avoid a lawsuit, the hotel
gave me a free week of rooms.
I forgot about the whole thing
until today.
That fart really
shook some memories loose.
Wow, I just remembered I was also
in a legal battle with Nabisco.
I claimed I was Asian,
and sued over Cheese Nips.
Everything's complimentary.
Room service, laundry, you name it.
You hear that, honey?
A whole week without you having to
take care of us. Wow!
Finally some 'me' time.
Stan and Francine,
here are keys to your room,
and Steve, here's yours.
What about my room?
Got ya' covered.
Oh, boy. What's in here?
NARRATOR: Some say that was the end
of Klaus's story.
Some say it was just the beginning.
No-one ever says it was the middle.
Bewitching, isn't she?
I know you. Weren't you
the concierge in "Pretty Woman"?
Yes. I'm Hector Elizondo.
I played a concierge
in over 400 movies and TV pilots.
Acting pays the bills so I can
pursue my true passion: concierging.
I don't mean to ignore
your strange monologue,
but I can't take my eyes off
this enchanting vision.
The moment I saw her,
I felt as if I'd met her before.
Impossible.
The great artist, Patrick Nagel,
painted her while staying
in this hotel in 1981.
Then I'm too late to meet her.
God, if it were only 1981 again.
Well, young man, perhaps it can be.
Excuse me.
Where can I get some tampons?
Right over here, miss.
I keep them next to my Tony.
(CLICK)
Ah. No breakfast to make,
no clothes to wash.
I guess I can do whatever I want.
What are you doing? Laying out
your clothes for the day.
Honey, stop worrying about us.
Go spend time with Francine.
Get to know her.
That's something
I always wish I'd done.
Are...are you sure?
I'm pretty sure I can dress myself.
Uh, OK.
I'll just...get to know me.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
Oh, she forgot the socks.
Now, which ones go with the suit,
Navy or black?
Francine!
Do you like horseback riding?
Hang-gliding?
I don't know.
OK.
How do you spend your time?
Well,
for the last 20 years
I've just taken care of my family.
Sounds like someone
needs to get a life.
Uhh...
'Sounds like someone needs to get
a life...get a life...get a life.'
Do you know Sarah Blanch,
the OmniSlab Concrete rep
from Chicago?
No, but I hear she's finally coming
to a convention.
I heard she was in an accident
on her way here.
Car went over a cliff
and into a river.
That's horrible.
She's presumed dead.
But nothing's concrete.
(THEY LAUGH)
But seriously,
she's probably dead.
I know who you are!
You do?
There's only one name tag left.
You must be Sarah Blanch.
Someone needs to get a life...
get a life...get a life.
Ye..yes, that's me.
I am Sarah Blanch.
Someone needs to get naked.
Get naked. Get naked.
Please, God, not you...not you...
not you.
So welcome, everyone, and, uh,
let's make this
Concrete Sellers Convention
the most solid one ever.
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)
Sarah Blanche.
Pam Deakins, the Bakersfield rep.
We've done business on the phone.
Ohh!
Bakersfield Pam!
You know, Sarah, there's a rumour
that you died in a car crash.
(LAUGHS) What?
Oh, my, no.
I was just dying to be here.
(LAUGHTER)
If you're like me,
you were dying to get away
from your family for a week.
Actually, I...don't have a family.
Nope. My life is all about me.
Horseback riding and hang-gliding,
and, um, having sex with
some of Chicago's many Polocks.
Sounds like the life to me.
Hi, Sarah. Pete Pendelman,
concrete man out of Sheboygan.
Let's walk and talk.
What are you doing?
What?
On a whim, I decided to be
a saleswoman who didn't show up.
Big deal.
No, I get it.
You need a little escape
from Francine.
We are gonna have so much fun
this week. Yeah.
We'll mingle,
go to cocktail mixers...
Oh, no. Pete Pendelman
is a recovering alcoholic.
I started hitting the bottle
after my wife died
during breast-reduction surgery
that I made her get.
She was pregnant at the time.
Anyway, we're gonna have a blast,
as long as the real Sarah Blanch
doesn't show up.
Oh, don't worry.
Sarah Blanch is dead.
(GASPS AND LAUGHS)
(THUD)
Stop torturing yourself, Steve.
You'll never have her.
Unless you believe in...time travel.
What?
Oh, sorry.
Wrong brochure.
Whoa!
This claims you can travel
back in time using only your mind.
Do you know what this means?
Yes. You can go back in time,
watch me be born,
and be the first person to hold me.
Just kidding.
Go back to 1981
and get your dream girl.
Thanks, Hector!
Who will hug Baby Hector?
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
You tap dance, too?
Wow, Sarah.
How many hobbies do you have?
Five.
Wow! Five!
Pete, you've been quiet.
What about your family? You married?
Two years ago, my wife was killed
by a plastic surgeon in Ecuador.
I found him on YELP.
I gave him two stars.
Her breasts looked amazing
during the open casket.
So, I WAS married.
Ahem.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
(SIGHS)
Looks like Sarah's day is over.
BOTH: Awww!
Excuse me, Miss Blanch.
We show you still haven't
checked into your executive suite.
Whoa!
A complimentary bucket of Coronas?
Sarah must be super important.
Hey, let's order huge sundaes from
room service and just pig out.
Oh, no sweets for Pete.
I have stage two diabetes.
In fact...
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Really?
I could get used to being
Sarah Blanch.
# I'm gonna live till I die
# I'm gonna laugh instead of cry
# I'm gonna take the town
and turn it upside down
# I'm gonna live, live, live
till I die
# They're gonna say what a gal
# I'm gonna play for the sky
# Ain't gonna miss a thing,
I'm gonna have my fling
# I'm gonna live, live, live
till I die #
How the hell does she know
how to tap dance?
Because she's Sarah (BLEEP) Blanch!
Hey, you're a loudmouth, Doug.
(SLAP)
You're loud.
All right, Steve,
this is exactly how
your hotel room looked in 1981.
Whoa! A waterbed.
So, basically I just concentrate
as hard as I can that I'm in 1981,
and I'll be transported
back in time
to meet my dream girl
from the painting?
Yes, Steve. What is so hard
to understand about that?
OK.
It's May 14th, 1981.
President Jimmy Carter leaves
the White House in disgrace.
Pope John Paul the Second is shot
in Rome by a deranged Jimmy Carter.
Jimmy Carter kidnaps and devours
13 Christian babies.
Hmm. Maybe I should have read
a real history book
instead of the one Dad wrote.
Did it work? Is it 1981?
Roger?
Dammit, it didn't work.
Who's Roger?
The name's Reaganomics Lamborghini,
Jacuzzi dealer.
Want to smoke cocaine out of my pipe
made from a Rubik's Cube?
Argh! Argh! Argh!
Sir, are you all right?
I was sitting on this waterbed,
minding my own business,
when it spontaneously exploded!
I demand a week of free rooms,
or I'll sue the crap out of you!
Wait a second.
I made it! It's 1981!
(PLAYS RIFF)
Hey, I just got another crazy text
from Stan about socks. Is he OK?
Oh, I'm sure he's fine.
(SOBS)
Look, I don't have time
for anyone else right now.
I'm too busy living my own life.
But it's not your life.
It belongs to...
Sarah! Where have you been?
You have to give your speech. What?
There she is. Our closing speaker,
OmniSlab rep, Sarah Blanch!
You've taken Sarah as far as
she can go. Let's make a run for it.
Come on up, Sarah.
(SIGHS)
You...dumb bitch.
(APPLAUSE)
(SINGLE CLAP)
Hello. Um, I'm here to talk about...
rebar placement and planned
gap structure coordination.
Huh?
You know what?
No.
What I'd really like to talk about
is the, um...uh...uh...uh...
..the Chinese!
The Chinese threat to
our domestic concrete industry.
There are over a million
Chinese people in China alone.
And I'm here to tell you,
they are a-comin', folks.
They know math.
They know kung fu.
And they've been going pee-pee
in our Coke for years!
So let's keep the yellow
out of our red, white and blue!
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Nagel, you're a genius.
Sun-faded prints of your paintings
will never be found
in Korean hair salons.
Mr Nagel, sir, I have travelled
a great distance to see you.
You paint my dream girl today,
and I need to know who she is.
Oh, I'm touched by your passion,
young man.
I'll help you on your lover's quest.
But first,
share in some cherry wine.
Um, cherry wine
tastes pretty weird.
That's because I put a bunch of
weird, illegal things in it.
(LAUGHTER)
Nagel, you son of a bitch,
let's drug some kids.
(THUD)
Oh, you kidding me?
You already cut the turkey?
Well, Sarah, it's been fun,
but all good characters
must come to an end.
Sarah. Jed Farnsworth of the
Cherino Concrete Corporation.
I haven't heard someone speak
with that much passion
since my fat friend discovered
Buca Di Beppo.
Well, thank you.
Look, I want you to come manage
my Portland facility.
It's the most prestigious job
in the concrete industry.
I...I don't know what to say.
Say yes, and tomorrow you can fly
to your new life in Economy Plus,
with only one stop in Denver.
What are you doing?
What's there to even think about?
You're right.
Mr Farnsworth,
I'll take that job in Portland.
Wait, what?!
Well, there goes my two-year chip.
Stale as the dickens.
Thank you to Timothy Creehan
of Salina, Kansas,
for sending us this week's
winning joke.
Francine, you're not actually
taking the job in Portland?
Think about your family.
Francine Smith spent her whole
life thinking about her family,
and what did it do for her? Nada.
Francine, listen to me.
Wait, you throwing that away?
This would make a perfect cape.
I am The Tender Vigilante.
This city's in pain,
and it needs my tender justice.
Oh, my God, it's working!
(THUD/SIRENS)
Hey, sleepy head.
Wha..what happened?
You passed out.
It's a shame.
You missed the creation
of my latest masterpiece.
She was here, and I missed her?
No, my dear Smurf, you ARE her.
While you slumbered,
I stripped you naked,
placed a black wig on you,
put a cougar in your lap,
and..heh-heh...voila!
Nooooooo!
Argh!
The girl in the painting was you,
wasn't it, Steve?
How...how did you know?
Because I was once in love, too.
The Tender Vigilante
doesn't have...insurance.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
Welcome aboard, Sarah.
Ms Blanch, your limo is waiting
to take you to the airport.
Thank you, Jonathan.
Did you give any thought to joining
my family for Christmas dinner?
We hate the thought of you spending
another holiday alone.
Thank you, Jonathan,
but I'll be working.
Plus, you know I don't dine
with robots. Oh.
But you weren't complaining last
night, when I spent the better part
of two hours eating your...baaaaa.
Broxton, before we go to the hotel,
can we make a stop first?
I've seen enough, Broxton.
Ms Blanch!
Back for another
concrete convention.
It's been ten years and three more
Garry Marshall movies.
Let me ask - are you happy
with the life you've chosen?
No. No, I'm not.
Well, there's always a way back.
Uh, sorry. Here.
The Tender Vigilante
doesn't have...insurance.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
We need to talk.
I'm you from the future.
Really?
When did I get Paulie Walnuts hair?
Don't get in that car.
'Bye, guys. Have a good day.
Wait, what about breakfast?
I'm happy to make you breakfast
every day except Thursday.
Thursdays are for me.
MAN: And from that moment on,
Francine made Thursday her day.
A day to do whatever she pleased.
Yeah, girl, do your thing.
Get your Thursday on.
Hm.
Man, was that close.
subtitles by Deluxe
Bye! Have a beautiful time!