American Dad! (2005–…): Season 7, Episode 7 - Season's Beatings - full transcript
Stan is excommunicated from the church, but he finds a way to get back in when he discovers that Haley and Jeff's newly adopted son is actually the Antichrist.
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
Roger, you've been mixing
that eggnog for an hour.
Just pour it in
your pimp cup and drink it!
It's almost ready.
Just need to do the final test.
Perfect.
Look at this!
Father Donovan's putting on
a Christmas play at the mall!
They're doing
the entire life of Jesus...
From baby Jesus
to awkward teenager Jesus
with a wispy Christache,
to the mature
and ready-to-suffer Jesus
we all know and love.
Are you going to audition?
Audition?
Francine, I'm the most devout
member of the church.
Obviously, I'm doing the
most important role:
Christ at the crucifixion.
When it comes to Christianity,
that's pretty much your money shot.
Christianity...
My favorite deadbeat Dad story.
Check it... God fathers this kid
and then disappears.
And then,
when the kid becomes famous,
God wants him to come live with him.
Exact same thing happened to Shaq.
He did a rap about it called,
"my biological didn't bother."
My religion is the very
foundation of who I am
and I won't have you
disrespecting it!
You... you have a-a pimple coming in
under the skin on your nose.
I would say it's got two weeks
before it reaches its apex.
You better gear up.
Is everything okay, Jeff?
You cried a lot more than usual
during sex this morning.
Sorry, babe, I have a lot on my mind.
I've been thinking a lot and...
I think we should have a baby.
What?
Yeah, we have so much love to give.
Plus, sometimes I feel broken inside
and having a baby fixes everything.
Jeff, I don't want to have kids.
I have no maternal instincts.
I only have animal instincts...
Eating, pooping,
lying down before it rains.
Morning, Father.
I know you want me to
portray Jesus on the cross,
and I hereby officially accept.
Oh, Stan,
you can't play Jesus.
What do you mean? I'm the most
devout member of your flock.
Portraying Jesus has nothing
to do with religious devotion.
It's all about the abs.
What?!
You're too fat.
Look at any crucifix.
Jesus is always shredded.
I'm a perfect Jesus!
Look!
Well, that's just great!
Now what am I supposed to burn
on my ethnic neighbor's lawn?
Look, you can't be Jesus.
But I got something even better.
Fireman Jesus?
No. Santa Claus.
Aw...
Come on.
He's jolly, he employs
midgets, he's real.
Look, these Bratz dolls...
Last year he gave
them to me, for free.
Okay.
Attaboy.
Hard to believe this is
the suit Earl died in.
Um... wha...
What is that?
Don't be mad.
It's just...
I wanted a kid so bad,
and I saw this orphanage and...
Hayley, meet our son.
I named him after my favorite
character in literature, Nemo...
From the novelization of
the film Finding Nemo.
You adopted a child
without asking me?!
I have grandchildren?!
Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
I thought my only chance was if Steve
got raped by a confused lesbian!
This is crazy!
Jeff, take that kid back right now!
No! I want a son to
carry on my legacy...
My Subaru legacy.
Adoption takes years.
How did you get a kid so fast?
I don't know...
End-of-month clearance?
They seemed real happy
to get rid of him.
Maybe there's something
wrong with him.
Aw, look, babe.
He's smiling at you.
Well, tell him to stop.
Leave me alone, baby!
You're my baby!
You're my baby,
and I love you so much!
Oh, God!
Who's that?
We're grandparents!
Steve was raped
by a confused lesbian?
Okay, what do you want, little boy?
Um, let me think about it.
Hey, you're not a child.
Don't worry about it.
You can't be here.
Come on, man, I waited in line.
Let me just sit here for a minute.
Get off me!
No, I'm almost done, man.
Almost done with what?
Don't worry about it.
The Christmas play.
I want to see this Jesus.
Good lord!
♪ ♪
Yes, my son?
Roger!
What are you doing?!
Well, you were talking so much
about this, it sounded like fun.
It's not, but it was a good
excuse to work on my abs.
And my savior bulge.
This is sacrilege!
You have no respect
for this religion!
Hey, could you take it down a notch?
You're ruining my buzz.
You're drunk?!
Hell yeah, man.
That's it!
You're ugly.
Oh, Hayley, stop!
Yo bitch-crying is going to be
in the background
of this entire video.
But I love him so much!
Oh, my God, what happened to you?
I sat next to Courtney love
on the bus and she sneezed.
Uh... guys?
... when a deranged mall Santa
suddenly attacked the church
volunteer portraying Jesus.
It's not what it looks like!
I was defending Christmas!
I was defending Jesus!
... Santa continued the assault
while shouting anti-jesuslurs.
You don't deserve
to be on that cross,
you lazy, wine-loving bisexual!
Are you watching this?
I wasn't slurring Jesus,
I was talking about Roger!
This just in: The assailant
has now been identified as...
Oh, for God's sake...
Stan Smith of Langley falls.
Yello?
Dad, it's Father Donovan.
He sounds punitive.
Look, Stan, I actually
think what you did
was really, really funny.
But Christian leaders around
the world saw you on TV,
and they've been chewing
my ass off nonstop.
I'm sorry, Stan, but I'm going
to have to kick you out.
I can't go to your church anymore?
No, Stan, you're kicked out
of Christianity.
You can't go into any church.
No! Well, there must be some way
to get back in!
Well, there are three,
but they're tough:
You'd have to find the holy grail
or kill the antichrist
or donate ten million
dollars to charity...
That's how Jared from
subway got back in.
I can't do any of those things!
I'm sorry, Stan,
there's nothing I can do.
You are officially excommunicated.
Turn in your badge.
Uh, wait, Stan!
Should I grow a mustache?
What, uh... what do hookers like?
That punch, right there.
That's the punch where
everything went black
and I was finally
able to achieve orgasm.
Oh...
I've been excommunicated.
What?!
A man without his religion is...
Nothing.
Dad, if religion's
so important to you,
why don't you just find another one?
You mean change religions?
Sure, people do it all the time.
Muhammad Ali changed religions
and became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
I don't want another
religion, I want my religion.
I know, honey, but the thing is,
you already kind of
screwed yourself there.
Good-bye, amusing
religious Tchotchkes.
I'll especially miss you,
Christ-in-the-box.
Hello, buddy.
You're sad for grandpa, too.
Come here, good boy!
He's the antichrist!
Stan, you need to cheer up.
Here, have some caramel corn.
I made it just for you.
No, Trevor, we didn't
re-gift your popcorn!
It was just here yesterday...
I don't know where it went.
You know what?
You guys are worse than Connor!
Forget the caramel corn.
This is fantastic!
I can become a Christian again!
All I have to do is
murder my grandson!
It says six-six-six.
He's the antichrist!
You have to be absolutely positive
the toddler is the antichrist
before you kill it.
Boy, I have learned
that the hard way.
We could go to the orphanage,
check his files.
Maybe they'll tell us
where he came from.
That was the worst
caroling I've ever done.
But some of my best tagging.
Jeff, I need you to
take us to the orphanage
where you got Nemo.
I'm trying to prove he's the
antichrist, so I can kill him.
Okay.
While you're there,
give the cutest one this.
And give the ugliest one this.
You're coming with us, Roger.
You got me into this mess,
you're gonna help get me out of it.
If I'm to go anywhere, I need to...
How do I put this?
Wipe. Better.
Yep, the whole place went up
in flames last Friday.
The day after Jeff adopted Nemo.
And the day before I had
my cholesterol checked.
My LDL was high.
My HDL was also high,
but that's good.
Split up. Look for anything that
can tell us more about Nemo.
Stan, meet me out front!
I found something so important
it's crazy!
Father Donovan!
I can't feel my legs.
Are they okay?
They're fine, you're good.
You were right, Stan.
Nemo is the son of Satan,
born of a jackal.
Oh, my God, Nemo!
It's "omen" spelled backwards!
He is the antichrist!
But... you picked the name "Nemo."
That... that doesn't make any sense.
Nemo will find his way
to political power and destroy
the world.
You must get the sacred daggers
of Tel Megiddo from the Vatican.
Only they can kill the son of Satan.
Are you sure?
Yes. I read it on Wikipedia.
I also read that,
before making it big,
Jon Bon Jovi toiled in
a women's shoe store
and fronted a band called John
Bon Jovi and the wild ones.
Father Donovan!
We have to get to the Vatican
and make sure he didn't die in vain.
Before joining Bon Jovi in 1983,
drummer Tico Torres toured
with a variety of performers,
including Chuck Berry
and Kenny... Loggins.
Come on!
Steve!
Hey, Dad.
So I went to Dr. Smid,
and he confirmed that my vision
is getting worse.
It had plateaued at seven
diopters, but now...
Nemo is the antichrist!
But now it looks like
it's at nine diop...
We're flying to the Vatican to
get sacred daggers to kill him.
Keep an eye on that kid,
and be careful.
Nemo! Oh, I didn't know you were...
I live to serve thee, oh,
Prince of the Sulphury void.
Hey, Steve, did I
leave my swim trunks...
I'll come back later!
We have to find the daggers of
Tel Meggido so we can kill Nemo.
Can we go?
I'm thirsty.
I read that most of
the ancient artifacts
are down in the catacombs.
We have to...
You a-no enter.
Damn it, this is my only chance
to be a Christian again!
Roger, you have to go in there
and get the daggers for me.
But I don't wanna.
Hey! You know how you like to do
different characters?
Well, why don't you try y one
who's really excited about
helping me?
You mean a persona that's
on board and enthusiastic?
You want Roland Chang.
Super positive Asian.
Let's go!
This is the most
important thing ever!
You wait here, Jeff and
I will get the daggers!
Enjoy-a your visit.
How good are meatballs?
Okay, these are the catacombs.
Look for anything that could
be seven sacred daggers.
Or any empty boxes.
My friend Forrest is moving
and he needs boxes.
Jeff, you don't do coke, do you?
Cool. Me neither.
Look out!
Jeff!
What?
Oh, good, you're all here.
I hate to break it to you,
but you have a moisture
problem in your vents.
Now, I can give you an estimate
for the work based on... hiyaah!
Come on, go, go, go, we got the daggers,
Jeff died, run, run, run!
Mene mene tekel.
Satana satana.
Mom, Steve's acting weird again.
Steve, stop babbling
at your sister in Aramaic.
It's a dead language.
Stan? Where have you been?
Wha... didn't you get my message?
What message?
Mene mene tekel.
Steve!
Don't bother.
He's been a pill all day.
What's going on, Dad?
Nemo is the antichrist.
He killed Father Donovan,
and now we have to
stab him with sacred daggers.
Oh, and Jeff died.
Jeff is dead?!
Nemo turned Steve into
an apostate of Satan!
He's probably just hungry.
Steve, I just did a big
trader Joe's run.
Pour yourself some unsweetened
cherry juice,
maybe have it with some
sunflower paste on a flax crisp.
There's also a scallop Shu Mai
that tastes like nothing
and a mushroom flatbread pizza
that smells like nut sack.
Oh, my God!
See? Nemo's the son of Satan.
We have to destroy him!
No! He is my child!
You're not getting past super
positive Asian Roland Chang.
Hiyah!
Demon grab!
Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you,
Martha invited us to...
The hell spawn must die!
I won't let you kill him!
Mene mene tekel!
Mene mene satana satana!
♪ ♪
Now is your chance to destroy
those figurines you hate.
Oh, no, Greg!
They broke the figurines!
Don't touch my Satan baby!
Hell hound!
Clancy? Clancy?
You okay, boy?
Hello?
I'm looking for my service dog.
Are there people here?
Any help at all would be
greatly appreciated.
I kind of feel like I can
hear people breathing.
No? I'm just talking to myself here?
Oh, okay.
Well, I guess if I stick
to the sidewalk, I'll be fine.
Mene mene!
Ah!
Mene mene! Mene mene!
Now let's kill this baby, together!
Forgive me!
Ah! You dumb son of a...!
No, that's not who Roland is.
Hey, you're doing great!
Stop! I'll shoot you, Dad, I swear!
Dad, you're awake!
Steve... you're not
an apostate of Satan anymore.
Yeah! Aside from the vivid nightmares
steadily pushing me towards
madness, I feel great!
Jeff?!
I thought you drowned.
Nope.
All right.
Oh my God, where's Nemo?
Did I kill him?
Did I kill the antichrist?
No, Dad.
So I failed.
I'm not back in the church.
No, I got you back in.
You know my pimp cup that I sip
purple drink and eggnog out of?
- Turns out it's the holy grail.
- Nice.
But what about Nemo?
We have to destroy him.
I can't let you do that, Dad,
so I sent him someplace
far away, where
you'll never find him.
Nemo will find his way
to political power
and destroy the world!
Oh, good night there,
you little blessing, you.
Pretty soon, we'll all be
sleeping in the white house.
Mrs. Palin, your new issue of
Highlights magazine has arrived.
Ooh!
I'll see you again, Stan Smith!
When the rapture comes!
Baby antichrist says,
"blessings to you and yours
on this most joyous
of holiday seasons."
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
Roger, you've been mixing
that eggnog for an hour.
Just pour it in
your pimp cup and drink it!
It's almost ready.
Just need to do the final test.
Perfect.
Look at this!
Father Donovan's putting on
a Christmas play at the mall!
They're doing
the entire life of Jesus...
From baby Jesus
to awkward teenager Jesus
with a wispy Christache,
to the mature
and ready-to-suffer Jesus
we all know and love.
Are you going to audition?
Audition?
Francine, I'm the most devout
member of the church.
Obviously, I'm doing the
most important role:
Christ at the crucifixion.
When it comes to Christianity,
that's pretty much your money shot.
Christianity...
My favorite deadbeat Dad story.
Check it... God fathers this kid
and then disappears.
And then,
when the kid becomes famous,
God wants him to come live with him.
Exact same thing happened to Shaq.
He did a rap about it called,
"my biological didn't bother."
My religion is the very
foundation of who I am
and I won't have you
disrespecting it!
You... you have a-a pimple coming in
under the skin on your nose.
I would say it's got two weeks
before it reaches its apex.
You better gear up.
Is everything okay, Jeff?
You cried a lot more than usual
during sex this morning.
Sorry, babe, I have a lot on my mind.
I've been thinking a lot and...
I think we should have a baby.
What?
Yeah, we have so much love to give.
Plus, sometimes I feel broken inside
and having a baby fixes everything.
Jeff, I don't want to have kids.
I have no maternal instincts.
I only have animal instincts...
Eating, pooping,
lying down before it rains.
Morning, Father.
I know you want me to
portray Jesus on the cross,
and I hereby officially accept.
Oh, Stan,
you can't play Jesus.
What do you mean? I'm the most
devout member of your flock.
Portraying Jesus has nothing
to do with religious devotion.
It's all about the abs.
What?!
You're too fat.
Look at any crucifix.
Jesus is always shredded.
I'm a perfect Jesus!
Look!
Well, that's just great!
Now what am I supposed to burn
on my ethnic neighbor's lawn?
Look, you can't be Jesus.
But I got something even better.
Fireman Jesus?
No. Santa Claus.
Aw...
Come on.
He's jolly, he employs
midgets, he's real.
Look, these Bratz dolls...
Last year he gave
them to me, for free.
Okay.
Attaboy.
Hard to believe this is
the suit Earl died in.
Um... wha...
What is that?
Don't be mad.
It's just...
I wanted a kid so bad,
and I saw this orphanage and...
Hayley, meet our son.
I named him after my favorite
character in literature, Nemo...
From the novelization of
the film Finding Nemo.
You adopted a child
without asking me?!
I have grandchildren?!
Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
I thought my only chance was if Steve
got raped by a confused lesbian!
This is crazy!
Jeff, take that kid back right now!
No! I want a son to
carry on my legacy...
My Subaru legacy.
Adoption takes years.
How did you get a kid so fast?
I don't know...
End-of-month clearance?
They seemed real happy
to get rid of him.
Maybe there's something
wrong with him.
Aw, look, babe.
He's smiling at you.
Well, tell him to stop.
Leave me alone, baby!
You're my baby!
You're my baby,
and I love you so much!
Oh, God!
Who's that?
We're grandparents!
Steve was raped
by a confused lesbian?
Okay, what do you want, little boy?
Um, let me think about it.
Hey, you're not a child.
Don't worry about it.
You can't be here.
Come on, man, I waited in line.
Let me just sit here for a minute.
Get off me!
No, I'm almost done, man.
Almost done with what?
Don't worry about it.
The Christmas play.
I want to see this Jesus.
Good lord!
♪ ♪
Yes, my son?
Roger!
What are you doing?!
Well, you were talking so much
about this, it sounded like fun.
It's not, but it was a good
excuse to work on my abs.
And my savior bulge.
This is sacrilege!
You have no respect
for this religion!
Hey, could you take it down a notch?
You're ruining my buzz.
You're drunk?!
Hell yeah, man.
That's it!
You're ugly.
Oh, Hayley, stop!
Yo bitch-crying is going to be
in the background
of this entire video.
But I love him so much!
Oh, my God, what happened to you?
I sat next to Courtney love
on the bus and she sneezed.
Uh... guys?
... when a deranged mall Santa
suddenly attacked the church
volunteer portraying Jesus.
It's not what it looks like!
I was defending Christmas!
I was defending Jesus!
... Santa continued the assault
while shouting anti-jesuslurs.
You don't deserve
to be on that cross,
you lazy, wine-loving bisexual!
Are you watching this?
I wasn't slurring Jesus,
I was talking about Roger!
This just in: The assailant
has now been identified as...
Oh, for God's sake...
Stan Smith of Langley falls.
Yello?
Dad, it's Father Donovan.
He sounds punitive.
Look, Stan, I actually
think what you did
was really, really funny.
But Christian leaders around
the world saw you on TV,
and they've been chewing
my ass off nonstop.
I'm sorry, Stan, but I'm going
to have to kick you out.
I can't go to your church anymore?
No, Stan, you're kicked out
of Christianity.
You can't go into any church.
No! Well, there must be some way
to get back in!
Well, there are three,
but they're tough:
You'd have to find the holy grail
or kill the antichrist
or donate ten million
dollars to charity...
That's how Jared from
subway got back in.
I can't do any of those things!
I'm sorry, Stan,
there's nothing I can do.
You are officially excommunicated.
Turn in your badge.
Uh, wait, Stan!
Should I grow a mustache?
What, uh... what do hookers like?
That punch, right there.
That's the punch where
everything went black
and I was finally
able to achieve orgasm.
Oh...
I've been excommunicated.
What?!
A man without his religion is...
Nothing.
Dad, if religion's
so important to you,
why don't you just find another one?
You mean change religions?
Sure, people do it all the time.
Muhammad Ali changed religions
and became Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
I don't want another
religion, I want my religion.
I know, honey, but the thing is,
you already kind of
screwed yourself there.
Good-bye, amusing
religious Tchotchkes.
I'll especially miss you,
Christ-in-the-box.
Hello, buddy.
You're sad for grandpa, too.
Come here, good boy!
He's the antichrist!
Stan, you need to cheer up.
Here, have some caramel corn.
I made it just for you.
No, Trevor, we didn't
re-gift your popcorn!
It was just here yesterday...
I don't know where it went.
You know what?
You guys are worse than Connor!
Forget the caramel corn.
This is fantastic!
I can become a Christian again!
All I have to do is
murder my grandson!
It says six-six-six.
He's the antichrist!
You have to be absolutely positive
the toddler is the antichrist
before you kill it.
Boy, I have learned
that the hard way.
We could go to the orphanage,
check his files.
Maybe they'll tell us
where he came from.
That was the worst
caroling I've ever done.
But some of my best tagging.
Jeff, I need you to
take us to the orphanage
where you got Nemo.
I'm trying to prove he's the
antichrist, so I can kill him.
Okay.
While you're there,
give the cutest one this.
And give the ugliest one this.
You're coming with us, Roger.
You got me into this mess,
you're gonna help get me out of it.
If I'm to go anywhere, I need to...
How do I put this?
Wipe. Better.
Yep, the whole place went up
in flames last Friday.
The day after Jeff adopted Nemo.
And the day before I had
my cholesterol checked.
My LDL was high.
My HDL was also high,
but that's good.
Split up. Look for anything that
can tell us more about Nemo.
Stan, meet me out front!
I found something so important
it's crazy!
Father Donovan!
I can't feel my legs.
Are they okay?
They're fine, you're good.
You were right, Stan.
Nemo is the son of Satan,
born of a jackal.
Oh, my God, Nemo!
It's "omen" spelled backwards!
He is the antichrist!
But... you picked the name "Nemo."
That... that doesn't make any sense.
Nemo will find his way
to political power and destroy
the world.
You must get the sacred daggers
of Tel Megiddo from the Vatican.
Only they can kill the son of Satan.
Are you sure?
Yes. I read it on Wikipedia.
I also read that,
before making it big,
Jon Bon Jovi toiled in
a women's shoe store
and fronted a band called John
Bon Jovi and the wild ones.
Father Donovan!
We have to get to the Vatican
and make sure he didn't die in vain.
Before joining Bon Jovi in 1983,
drummer Tico Torres toured
with a variety of performers,
including Chuck Berry
and Kenny... Loggins.
Come on!
Steve!
Hey, Dad.
So I went to Dr. Smid,
and he confirmed that my vision
is getting worse.
It had plateaued at seven
diopters, but now...
Nemo is the antichrist!
But now it looks like
it's at nine diop...
We're flying to the Vatican to
get sacred daggers to kill him.
Keep an eye on that kid,
and be careful.
Nemo! Oh, I didn't know you were...
I live to serve thee, oh,
Prince of the Sulphury void.
Hey, Steve, did I
leave my swim trunks...
I'll come back later!
We have to find the daggers of
Tel Meggido so we can kill Nemo.
Can we go?
I'm thirsty.
I read that most of
the ancient artifacts
are down in the catacombs.
We have to...
You a-no enter.
Damn it, this is my only chance
to be a Christian again!
Roger, you have to go in there
and get the daggers for me.
But I don't wanna.
Hey! You know how you like to do
different characters?
Well, why don't you try y one
who's really excited about
helping me?
You mean a persona that's
on board and enthusiastic?
You want Roland Chang.
Super positive Asian.
Let's go!
This is the most
important thing ever!
You wait here, Jeff and
I will get the daggers!
Enjoy-a your visit.
How good are meatballs?
Okay, these are the catacombs.
Look for anything that could
be seven sacred daggers.
Or any empty boxes.
My friend Forrest is moving
and he needs boxes.
Jeff, you don't do coke, do you?
Cool. Me neither.
Look out!
Jeff!
What?
Oh, good, you're all here.
I hate to break it to you,
but you have a moisture
problem in your vents.
Now, I can give you an estimate
for the work based on... hiyaah!
Come on, go, go, go, we got the daggers,
Jeff died, run, run, run!
Mene mene tekel.
Satana satana.
Mom, Steve's acting weird again.
Steve, stop babbling
at your sister in Aramaic.
It's a dead language.
Stan? Where have you been?
Wha... didn't you get my message?
What message?
Mene mene tekel.
Steve!
Don't bother.
He's been a pill all day.
What's going on, Dad?
Nemo is the antichrist.
He killed Father Donovan,
and now we have to
stab him with sacred daggers.
Oh, and Jeff died.
Jeff is dead?!
Nemo turned Steve into
an apostate of Satan!
He's probably just hungry.
Steve, I just did a big
trader Joe's run.
Pour yourself some unsweetened
cherry juice,
maybe have it with some
sunflower paste on a flax crisp.
There's also a scallop Shu Mai
that tastes like nothing
and a mushroom flatbread pizza
that smells like nut sack.
Oh, my God!
See? Nemo's the son of Satan.
We have to destroy him!
No! He is my child!
You're not getting past super
positive Asian Roland Chang.
Hiyah!
Demon grab!
Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you,
Martha invited us to...
The hell spawn must die!
I won't let you kill him!
Mene mene tekel!
Mene mene satana satana!
♪ ♪
Now is your chance to destroy
those figurines you hate.
Oh, no, Greg!
They broke the figurines!
Don't touch my Satan baby!
Hell hound!
Clancy? Clancy?
You okay, boy?
Hello?
I'm looking for my service dog.
Are there people here?
Any help at all would be
greatly appreciated.
I kind of feel like I can
hear people breathing.
No? I'm just talking to myself here?
Oh, okay.
Well, I guess if I stick
to the sidewalk, I'll be fine.
Mene mene!
Ah!
Mene mene! Mene mene!
Now let's kill this baby, together!
Forgive me!
Ah! You dumb son of a...!
No, that's not who Roland is.
Hey, you're doing great!
Stop! I'll shoot you, Dad, I swear!
Dad, you're awake!
Steve... you're not
an apostate of Satan anymore.
Yeah! Aside from the vivid nightmares
steadily pushing me towards
madness, I feel great!
Jeff?!
I thought you drowned.
Nope.
All right.
Oh my God, where's Nemo?
Did I kill him?
Did I kill the antichrist?
No, Dad.
So I failed.
I'm not back in the church.
No, I got you back in.
You know my pimp cup that I sip
purple drink and eggnog out of?
- Turns out it's the holy grail.
- Nice.
But what about Nemo?
We have to destroy him.
I can't let you do that, Dad,
so I sent him someplace
far away, where
you'll never find him.
Nemo will find his way
to political power
and destroy the world!
Oh, good night there,
you little blessing, you.
Pretty soon, we'll all be
sleeping in the white house.
Mrs. Palin, your new issue of
Highlights magazine has arrived.
Ooh!
I'll see you again, Stan Smith!
When the rapture comes!
Baby antichrist says,
"blessings to you and yours
on this most joyous
of holiday seasons."