American Dad! (2005–…): Season 7, Episode 12 - The Wrestler - full transcript
Stan is willing to go to extreme lengths to make sure that Steve's friend Barry doesn't break his consecutive wrestling wins record.
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
Straight A's, Daddy-o.
Nope. I don't see
any athletics on here.
Yeah, I'm not much of a sports guy.
I'm more of a good-grades guy.
That's who I am.
Hey!
Son, good grades won't get you
anywhere in life.
You only get places through
athletic accomplishments.
Well, what about Bill Gates?
Before he blew out his ACL
and had to do computers,
Bill Gates rushed
for over 300 yards a game.
Uh, I don't think that's right, Dad.
And I don't know
the recipe for apple pie,
but that didn't stop me
from making one.
Now, while that cools,
come on, I want
to show you something.
The Stan Smith Wrestling Museum.
Dedicated to the high school
wrestling career of Stan Smith.
Um, I've lived in this
house my whole life.
How long's this been here?
Construction of the museum
began in 1998.
I should know because,
like Ross on Friends,
I'm a docent.
But unlike Ross,
I don't look like a Monchichi.
I take the tour every day.
Except for Sundays,
when the tour is free
and the place gets a little...
ethnic.
Steve, I was once
a loser just like you.
Hurtful.
Then, in my junior year,
I took up wrestling.
It changed my life.
I went from zero to hero to De Niro.
"You talkin' to me?
You talkin' to me?"
Uh...
And the ultimate testament
to my greatness
is the state record I still hold.
20 wins in a row.
And no one's even come close
to beating it.
Yep, that record there is the mark
I've made on this Earth.
And when I'm gone, it will remain.
Without it, I am nothing.
I certainly wouldn't have
a great piece of ass like this.
You know who else
really appreciates my rump?
Charlotte.
The point is, if you want
to get anywhere in life,
you have to join the wrestling team.
Gee, Dad, that sounds great.
Oh, no.
The school doesn't have a
wrestling program anymore.
Ah, squigglebottom.
What? I am outraged!
Well, take your outrage elsewhere.
I have another group coming through.
We'll exit through the gift shop.
Make sure to check out
our Stan Smith pan flute
rain forest music.
Each song sounds the same,
yet somehow manages
to be worse than the last.
As many of you know,
the wrestling program
has been defunct for several years.
Ever since the former coach
was caught teaching
a style of wrestling
that would perhaps be
more at home in a prison...
between a prisoner
and a weaker, prettier prisoner.
But now an annoying...
I mean involved... parent
wants to bring the program back.
I give you
the most decorated wrestler
in Pearl Bailey history, Stan Smith.
Thank you.
Anyone interested
in joining the wrestling team,
please raise your hand.
What if I said you get to do
stuff like this?
Aah! My back!
How about that?
Congratulations, Steve.
You and your friends made the cut.
So I give you your Pearl Bailey
varsity high school wrestling team.
Um, just going back a sec.
Are you saying Coach Keegan,
who is now the baseball coach,
(bleep) his wrestlers?
That was a long time ago.
All right, gladiators.
This is what we've practiced
so hard for.
Our first meet.
We're going to kill them!
Schmuely, remember what I taught you?
Yes, Coach.
Good.
Now, get in there
and destroy this guy.
Oh, my God!
It's not going well for Snot.
Oh, my God!
But don't worry, son.
You're a Smith.
You'll be fine.
He's lying!
You won't be fine!
Call my aunt!
That tickles.
Tickles.
Tickling. Ticklish.
Timber!
Nice, Barry.
All right, Barry!
I'm having trouble changing
into my street clothes.
All right, Steve,
the biggest myth in wrestling
is that you need strong arms.
Like kangaroos and rapists,
all your power comes from your legs.
I might have said frogs, but yeah.
That's why I'm going to have you
run the Chimdale Stairs,
the longest staircase
in North America.
I was a child when I fell.
With stronger legs
from the stairs, you can't lose.
Not to mention I dropped you
into a lower weight class.
I am not
showing improvement.
Uh-oh.
Who wants him to die?
Your boy's doing great, Stan.
He hasn't won
a single match all season.
No, I'm talking about Badass
Barry the Butterball Bear.
Named him myself.
Took me 19 days.
He's undefeated.
Only three wins away from
beating your record.
What?!
Make that two wins away.
My God, I've been
so focused on Steve,
I... I didn't even realize.
You know, maybe...
maybe Barry
should sit out a match,
get some rest.
No, no, no, no, no.
I got money on that belly.
25 G's he breaks your record.
I got a bookie who'll
take action on anything.
Oh, my God!
I just got my first period.
Ha!
Earl, you owe me 25 bucks.
How'd you know?
Always bet on red.
Anyway, the boy wrestles.
I-I... I really don't think...
I said the boy wrestles!
I spent a lot of time
Photoshopping Reagan
into that picture.
And for what?
For nothing.
Stan, you're making too much of this.
Do you think Corey Haim cares
that Corey Feldman went
on to great success?
No, Corey Haim's doing great.
But it's the foundation of who I am.
Without that record,
I... I'll have nothing.
Charlotte!
Shut up, Charlotte!
What am I going to do about
Barry beating my record?
There's only one thing
you can do: sabotage.
You gotta take Barry out.
Excuse me. Hi.
Were you videotaping that?
'Cause I'm sort of planning
a crime against a child here.
I can't do that. I'm his coach.
No, but I can.
You... you'd do it for me?
I'd do it for me.
I'm a docent, Stan.
If he breaks your record,
I'm out of a job.
And I will not go back
to Relax the Back.
I repeat, I won't go
back to Relax the Ba
as long as Douglas works there,
and we both know Douglas
is going to work there
for the rest of his life.
All right, Roger.
Let's do it.
Roger should have been back by now.
How long does it take to maim a kid?
Mission accomplished.
I did him Tonya Harding style.
With a...
and a...
and a...
Somebody beat up Snot!
Uh, aren't you Snot?
I'm Barry.
Stan, I might have got the wrong one.
Why? Why?
Why ask why?
Try Bud Dry.
That's an old reference.
Not as old as the Nancy Kerrigan
thing you're doing.
Hey, watch it with that thing.
You're the one
who put me in this chair.
I crippled your legs,
not your manners.
Where's my lucky butterball?
He's up next.
I don't know.
He should be here.
Gee, I hope he makes it on time.
Dad, I got a good feeling
about this one.
Aah! He's so nimble!
That was my longest match ever.
Did you see how I
eluded his hand-feet?
Can I pick out one toy
at Toys "R" Us?
Well?
This time, I got him.
Trust me.
Hey, ref, I don't know
where my guy is.
I guess he'll have to forfeit.
Fire! Fire!
Stop! Drop! Roll!
Damn it!
Now he's one win away
from breaking my record.
Sorry, Stan. I locked
him in the freezer.
I don't know how the kid
set himself on fire.
Small bills are in the safe.
The rest is in my butt.
I'm not here to rob you.
I'm here to shoot a kid
in a tree house.
You know what kid I wanted to kill?
The youngest daughter
in Mrs. Doubtfire.
Hated her face.
By the time I could
get a good shot at her,
she had grown up
and turned into nothing.
Barry's only one win away.
I will not lose my record!
Well, killing him should do it.
I can't get a clean shot.
That damn oak tree is in the way.
On it!
I never knew you had
such powerful legs.
Really? Really?
You didn't know I had powerful legs?
You never stared at my legs before?
Okay.
Okay, I'll just play along.
This is great!
I can teach you how to wrestle.
You can pose as a student
at a rival high school,
defeat Barry and save my record.
So let me understand
this wrestling thing.
The goal is to lie on top of
another man, against his will,
for three seconds, in a bathing suit.
Is this a high school sport
or my trip to Cancun?
I'm sor... no, I'm-I'm in.
Next match.
Barry Robinson and Dimitri...
Krotchlikmioff.
Dimitri Krotchlikmioff.
New exchange student from Russia.
One, two...
Use your legs!
I can't!
I have really weak legs.
No, you don't, you have the opposite.
I know, today's opposite day.
No, it's not!
That means it is.
I'm not playing!
That means you are.
Roger, just win before
the ref stops politely waiting
for our conversation to end
and gets to three.
Fine.
One, two, three!
Winner!
Yes!
Yeah!
I win! I win!
Uh, Coach Smith, that's the guy
from the other team.
Shut up, corned beef!
I can feel your pulse in my thigh.
Uh-uh, Francine.
Allow me to take my dishes
to near the sink for you.
Well, okay, mister.
You've been a pleasure
since Barry lost his match.
Oh, are my muscles sore.
Tired muscles?
What, you been working out?
No, I've been wrestling.
Already won 15 matches in a row.
I'm going after the state record.
You're still wrestling?
Why the hell would you do that?!
Excellent question.
Here's my answer.
I don't want to work
as a docent my whole life,
unless I'm a docent in a museum
dedicated to me.
Roger!
I'm gonna beat your record, Stan,
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
500 on Jimmy Cooper
to go down in the egg toss.
Boy's got shaky hands.
His parents just got divorced
because his mom banged
some black dude named
this big mamma-jamma right here!
That Russian kid from Lanceton
is gonna beat my record.
I have to stop him.
You have to let me
back into high school so I can
wrestle against Krotchlikmioff
and keep my record!
I'll do it on one condition.
You buy some candy bars from me
so that I stay off drugs
and don't join gangs.
All right!
I'm gonna keep my record!
I can walk again!
I can walk!
You know, we always carry it
this way and bad things happen.
Why don't we carry it this way?
That's so smart.
I think we're going
to get a promotion.
My legs!
It's a fit!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Stan, what are you doing here?
You don't need to come to class.
Just show up for the wrestling match.
Oh.
Yeah. Okay.
Sure.
♪ ♪
Hi. Remember me?
I just rented this half an hour ago,
but it turns out I don't need it.
Yeah, sorry, you
drove it off the lot.
B-But I don't need it.
Sorry, dude. Still got to
charge you for the day.
Just forget it.
Hi. I just rented this, but
it keeps pulling to the right.
I already told him no, Gary!
What are you doing?!
Erasing every trace of you.
By tomorrow night, when
I pin you to the mat,
all this will be mine.
My Russian drifted into
a little Dracula at the end there.
I got to work on that.
Stan, come to dinner.
You don't want to be
in the museum after hours.
That's when everything comes to life.
Francine, there's no way I'm
giving this place to Roger.
Okay, closing time.
Everyone out.
Well, Dad, you got a gym
full of fans waiting.
Get in there and beat the
alien that lives in our attic
that's dressed like a Russian
high school wrestler.
Listen to that.
These are some soundproof doors.
Stan, what's that thing they say
when a play runs for
a really long time?
They say the play has...
Sizzle?
No, okay, okay.
You know how when
you're drinking a glass of wine
and some of it sticks to the glass?
They say the wine has...
Stickiness?
- No!
- Sizzle?
Legs! I wanted you to say "legs."
Uh, you have to pin him on his back.
Boo.
One, two...
One, two...
I want that record!
It belongs to me!
♪ ♪
One, two...
It's been ten days.
You gotta give up eventually.
Never!
Don't you have a job to go to?
Smith, read this intel
and give me a report
by the end of the day.
On it, chief.
Hooper, I owe you a new headboard!
I broke yours last night
while I was banging your wife!
You got me, Stan!
Brought you two boys some soup.
What's going on at home?
Not much.
Hayley is being a complete
pain in the ass, as usual.
How's Girls Who Like Boys
Who Like Boys been?
You've been TiVo-ing it, right?
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
You bitch, now I'm gonna be behind.
I'm doing this for you
and this is the thanks I get?
Roger.
What do you mean you're
doing this for her?
Francine, what does he mean
he's doing this for you?
Nothing!
He means nothing!
Oh, for crying out loud.
She put me up to this
'cause she wants you
to lose your record.
What?
I'm sorry, Stan.
I'm just so tired
of that freakin' record.
What? But you always
enjotouring my museum.
No, I pretend to enjoy it.
Stan, you got that stupid record
over 20 years ago,
and I've heard about it
every day since.
But it's who I am.
No!
It's who you were.
And if you keep living in the past,
you can't fully live in the present.
Oh, my God.
You're so right.
I've been fixating on the...
One, two, three!
Yes!
The record is all mine!
I'm gonna go tell Hayley
what you said about her.
Let's go home, honey.
I'll catch up with you.
I need a moment.
"Longest Man-on-Man
High School Sports Embrace."
Well, look at that.
I feel sorry for the poor
bastard whose record I beat.
It was mine.
But don't feel bad.
Records were made to be broken.
Easy, easy.
Stay in the lines.
Ah, Suzie,
you (bleep) piece of (bleep)!
I don't think this is the
right school for Suzie.
Easy, easy.
Stay in the lines.
Ah, Suzie,
you (bleep) piece of (bleep)!
I don't think this is the
right school for Suzie.
♪ I got a feeling that it's
gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shining a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
♪ Good... ♪
♪ Good morning, USA ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, USA! ♪
Straight A's, Daddy-o.
Nope. I don't see
any athletics on here.
Yeah, I'm not much of a sports guy.
I'm more of a good-grades guy.
That's who I am.
Hey!
Son, good grades won't get you
anywhere in life.
You only get places through
athletic accomplishments.
Well, what about Bill Gates?
Before he blew out his ACL
and had to do computers,
Bill Gates rushed
for over 300 yards a game.
Uh, I don't think that's right, Dad.
And I don't know
the recipe for apple pie,
but that didn't stop me
from making one.
Now, while that cools,
come on, I want
to show you something.
The Stan Smith Wrestling Museum.
Dedicated to the high school
wrestling career of Stan Smith.
Um, I've lived in this
house my whole life.
How long's this been here?
Construction of the museum
began in 1998.
I should know because,
like Ross on Friends,
I'm a docent.
But unlike Ross,
I don't look like a Monchichi.
I take the tour every day.
Except for Sundays,
when the tour is free
and the place gets a little...
ethnic.
Steve, I was once
a loser just like you.
Hurtful.
Then, in my junior year,
I took up wrestling.
It changed my life.
I went from zero to hero to De Niro.
"You talkin' to me?
You talkin' to me?"
Uh...
And the ultimate testament
to my greatness
is the state record I still hold.
20 wins in a row.
And no one's even come close
to beating it.
Yep, that record there is the mark
I've made on this Earth.
And when I'm gone, it will remain.
Without it, I am nothing.
I certainly wouldn't have
a great piece of ass like this.
You know who else
really appreciates my rump?
Charlotte.
The point is, if you want
to get anywhere in life,
you have to join the wrestling team.
Gee, Dad, that sounds great.
Oh, no.
The school doesn't have a
wrestling program anymore.
Ah, squigglebottom.
What? I am outraged!
Well, take your outrage elsewhere.
I have another group coming through.
We'll exit through the gift shop.
Make sure to check out
our Stan Smith pan flute
rain forest music.
Each song sounds the same,
yet somehow manages
to be worse than the last.
As many of you know,
the wrestling program
has been defunct for several years.
Ever since the former coach
was caught teaching
a style of wrestling
that would perhaps be
more at home in a prison...
between a prisoner
and a weaker, prettier prisoner.
But now an annoying...
I mean involved... parent
wants to bring the program back.
I give you
the most decorated wrestler
in Pearl Bailey history, Stan Smith.
Thank you.
Anyone interested
in joining the wrestling team,
please raise your hand.
What if I said you get to do
stuff like this?
Aah! My back!
How about that?
Congratulations, Steve.
You and your friends made the cut.
So I give you your Pearl Bailey
varsity high school wrestling team.
Um, just going back a sec.
Are you saying Coach Keegan,
who is now the baseball coach,
(bleep) his wrestlers?
That was a long time ago.
All right, gladiators.
This is what we've practiced
so hard for.
Our first meet.
We're going to kill them!
Schmuely, remember what I taught you?
Yes, Coach.
Good.
Now, get in there
and destroy this guy.
Oh, my God!
It's not going well for Snot.
Oh, my God!
But don't worry, son.
You're a Smith.
You'll be fine.
He's lying!
You won't be fine!
Call my aunt!
That tickles.
Tickles.
Tickling. Ticklish.
Timber!
Nice, Barry.
All right, Barry!
I'm having trouble changing
into my street clothes.
All right, Steve,
the biggest myth in wrestling
is that you need strong arms.
Like kangaroos and rapists,
all your power comes from your legs.
I might have said frogs, but yeah.
That's why I'm going to have you
run the Chimdale Stairs,
the longest staircase
in North America.
I was a child when I fell.
With stronger legs
from the stairs, you can't lose.
Not to mention I dropped you
into a lower weight class.
I am not
showing improvement.
Uh-oh.
Who wants him to die?
Your boy's doing great, Stan.
He hasn't won
a single match all season.
No, I'm talking about Badass
Barry the Butterball Bear.
Named him myself.
Took me 19 days.
He's undefeated.
Only three wins away from
beating your record.
What?!
Make that two wins away.
My God, I've been
so focused on Steve,
I... I didn't even realize.
You know, maybe...
maybe Barry
should sit out a match,
get some rest.
No, no, no, no, no.
I got money on that belly.
25 G's he breaks your record.
I got a bookie who'll
take action on anything.
Oh, my God!
I just got my first period.
Ha!
Earl, you owe me 25 bucks.
How'd you know?
Always bet on red.
Anyway, the boy wrestles.
I-I... I really don't think...
I said the boy wrestles!
I spent a lot of time
Photoshopping Reagan
into that picture.
And for what?
For nothing.
Stan, you're making too much of this.
Do you think Corey Haim cares
that Corey Feldman went
on to great success?
No, Corey Haim's doing great.
But it's the foundation of who I am.
Without that record,
I... I'll have nothing.
Charlotte!
Shut up, Charlotte!
What am I going to do about
Barry beating my record?
There's only one thing
you can do: sabotage.
You gotta take Barry out.
Excuse me. Hi.
Were you videotaping that?
'Cause I'm sort of planning
a crime against a child here.
I can't do that. I'm his coach.
No, but I can.
You... you'd do it for me?
I'd do it for me.
I'm a docent, Stan.
If he breaks your record,
I'm out of a job.
And I will not go back
to Relax the Back.
I repeat, I won't go
back to Relax the Ba
as long as Douglas works there,
and we both know Douglas
is going to work there
for the rest of his life.
All right, Roger.
Let's do it.
Roger should have been back by now.
How long does it take to maim a kid?
Mission accomplished.
I did him Tonya Harding style.
With a...
and a...
and a...
Somebody beat up Snot!
Uh, aren't you Snot?
I'm Barry.
Stan, I might have got the wrong one.
Why? Why?
Why ask why?
Try Bud Dry.
That's an old reference.
Not as old as the Nancy Kerrigan
thing you're doing.
Hey, watch it with that thing.
You're the one
who put me in this chair.
I crippled your legs,
not your manners.
Where's my lucky butterball?
He's up next.
I don't know.
He should be here.
Gee, I hope he makes it on time.
Dad, I got a good feeling
about this one.
Aah! He's so nimble!
That was my longest match ever.
Did you see how I
eluded his hand-feet?
Can I pick out one toy
at Toys "R" Us?
Well?
This time, I got him.
Trust me.
Hey, ref, I don't know
where my guy is.
I guess he'll have to forfeit.
Fire! Fire!
Stop! Drop! Roll!
Damn it!
Now he's one win away
from breaking my record.
Sorry, Stan. I locked
him in the freezer.
I don't know how the kid
set himself on fire.
Small bills are in the safe.
The rest is in my butt.
I'm not here to rob you.
I'm here to shoot a kid
in a tree house.
You know what kid I wanted to kill?
The youngest daughter
in Mrs. Doubtfire.
Hated her face.
By the time I could
get a good shot at her,
she had grown up
and turned into nothing.
Barry's only one win away.
I will not lose my record!
Well, killing him should do it.
I can't get a clean shot.
That damn oak tree is in the way.
On it!
I never knew you had
such powerful legs.
Really? Really?
You didn't know I had powerful legs?
You never stared at my legs before?
Okay.
Okay, I'll just play along.
This is great!
I can teach you how to wrestle.
You can pose as a student
at a rival high school,
defeat Barry and save my record.
So let me understand
this wrestling thing.
The goal is to lie on top of
another man, against his will,
for three seconds, in a bathing suit.
Is this a high school sport
or my trip to Cancun?
I'm sor... no, I'm-I'm in.
Next match.
Barry Robinson and Dimitri...
Krotchlikmioff.
Dimitri Krotchlikmioff.
New exchange student from Russia.
One, two...
Use your legs!
I can't!
I have really weak legs.
No, you don't, you have the opposite.
I know, today's opposite day.
No, it's not!
That means it is.
I'm not playing!
That means you are.
Roger, just win before
the ref stops politely waiting
for our conversation to end
and gets to three.
Fine.
One, two, three!
Winner!
Yes!
Yeah!
I win! I win!
Uh, Coach Smith, that's the guy
from the other team.
Shut up, corned beef!
I can feel your pulse in my thigh.
Uh-uh, Francine.
Allow me to take my dishes
to near the sink for you.
Well, okay, mister.
You've been a pleasure
since Barry lost his match.
Oh, are my muscles sore.
Tired muscles?
What, you been working out?
No, I've been wrestling.
Already won 15 matches in a row.
I'm going after the state record.
You're still wrestling?
Why the hell would you do that?!
Excellent question.
Here's my answer.
I don't want to work
as a docent my whole life,
unless I'm a docent in a museum
dedicated to me.
Roger!
I'm gonna beat your record, Stan,
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
500 on Jimmy Cooper
to go down in the egg toss.
Boy's got shaky hands.
His parents just got divorced
because his mom banged
some black dude named
this big mamma-jamma right here!
That Russian kid from Lanceton
is gonna beat my record.
I have to stop him.
You have to let me
back into high school so I can
wrestle against Krotchlikmioff
and keep my record!
I'll do it on one condition.
You buy some candy bars from me
so that I stay off drugs
and don't join gangs.
All right!
I'm gonna keep my record!
I can walk again!
I can walk!
You know, we always carry it
this way and bad things happen.
Why don't we carry it this way?
That's so smart.
I think we're going
to get a promotion.
My legs!
It's a fit!
♪ ♪
♪ ♪
Stan, what are you doing here?
You don't need to come to class.
Just show up for the wrestling match.
Oh.
Yeah. Okay.
Sure.
♪ ♪
Hi. Remember me?
I just rented this half an hour ago,
but it turns out I don't need it.
Yeah, sorry, you
drove it off the lot.
B-But I don't need it.
Sorry, dude. Still got to
charge you for the day.
Just forget it.
Hi. I just rented this, but
it keeps pulling to the right.
I already told him no, Gary!
What are you doing?!
Erasing every trace of you.
By tomorrow night, when
I pin you to the mat,
all this will be mine.
My Russian drifted into
a little Dracula at the end there.
I got to work on that.
Stan, come to dinner.
You don't want to be
in the museum after hours.
That's when everything comes to life.
Francine, there's no way I'm
giving this place to Roger.
Okay, closing time.
Everyone out.
Well, Dad, you got a gym
full of fans waiting.
Get in there and beat the
alien that lives in our attic
that's dressed like a Russian
high school wrestler.
Listen to that.
These are some soundproof doors.
Stan, what's that thing they say
when a play runs for
a really long time?
They say the play has...
Sizzle?
No, okay, okay.
You know how when
you're drinking a glass of wine
and some of it sticks to the glass?
They say the wine has...
Stickiness?
- No!
- Sizzle?
Legs! I wanted you to say "legs."
Uh, you have to pin him on his back.
Boo.
One, two...
One, two...
I want that record!
It belongs to me!
♪ ♪
One, two...
It's been ten days.
You gotta give up eventually.
Never!
Don't you have a job to go to?
Smith, read this intel
and give me a report
by the end of the day.
On it, chief.
Hooper, I owe you a new headboard!
I broke yours last night
while I was banging your wife!
You got me, Stan!
Brought you two boys some soup.
What's going on at home?
Not much.
Hayley is being a complete
pain in the ass, as usual.
How's Girls Who Like Boys
Who Like Boys been?
You've been TiVo-ing it, right?
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
You bitch, now I'm gonna be behind.
I'm doing this for you
and this is the thanks I get?
Roger.
What do you mean you're
doing this for her?
Francine, what does he mean
he's doing this for you?
Nothing!
He means nothing!
Oh, for crying out loud.
She put me up to this
'cause she wants you
to lose your record.
What?
I'm sorry, Stan.
I'm just so tired
of that freakin' record.
What? But you always
enjotouring my museum.
No, I pretend to enjoy it.
Stan, you got that stupid record
over 20 years ago,
and I've heard about it
every day since.
But it's who I am.
No!
It's who you were.
And if you keep living in the past,
you can't fully live in the present.
Oh, my God.
You're so right.
I've been fixating on the...
One, two, three!
Yes!
The record is all mine!
I'm gonna go tell Hayley
what you said about her.
Let's go home, honey.
I'll catch up with you.
I need a moment.
"Longest Man-on-Man
High School Sports Embrace."
Well, look at that.
I feel sorry for the poor
bastard whose record I beat.
It was mine.
But don't feel bad.
Records were made to be broken.
Easy, easy.
Stay in the lines.
Ah, Suzie,
you (bleep) piece of (bleep)!
I don't think this is the
right school for Suzie.
Easy, easy.
Stay in the lines.
Ah, Suzie,
you (bleep) piece of (bleep)!
I don't think this is the
right school for Suzie.