American Dad! (2005–…): Season 16, Episode 10 - Henderson - full transcript
Stan's childhood imaginary friend returns to collect a debt; Klaus has a big date and needs a fishbowl upgrade.
Tell me about it.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
Perf.
It's a date.
[ Cellphone beeps, thuds ]
Bad news, guys.
Here we go.
I'm serious, Hayley!
I'm all torn up
over here!
I have bad news...
for my haters!
Because Danuta is giving
your boy Klaus another shot!
Isn't Danuta someone
better than you?
She was!
But he was hit by a train.
Hayley?
Fine.
Danuta has entered the small,
glorious window
I like to call
"The Rebound Zone."
But your personality,
Klaus.
It's so bad.
[ Chuckles ] Way ahead
of you, Hayley.
In The Rebound Zone,
Cash is king.
The first suitor
to impress Danuta
with a grand display of wealth
will win her heart.
Attention, everyone.
It's crunk night
at the club,
and I don't want
to look stupid.
Now, which one of
these chains
screams "Atlanta?"
"A" for Atlanta,
or 7 for Michael vick?
The club?
Stan, this is the third time
this week.
[ Groans ]
This is how men blow off
steam, Francine.
They go to the club,
order bottle service, and dance.
I shouldn't have
to explain this.
It's caveman shit.
Women like to dance,
too!
Do they, though?
Yes!
I've asked you to take me
dancing for years!
I want to spend
time with you!
Oh, my god. We literally
just went to target.
We bought me
these socks.
I rode in the car with you
the whole way back.
[ Groans ]
There's a difference
between buying socks
and being connected.
Is there, though?
[♪♪]
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
- ♪ Good...
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
*AMERICAN DAD*
*AMERICAN DAD*
Season 16 Episode 10 (IMDB)
Episode Title: "Henderson"
Aired on: June 21, 2021.
[ Doorbell rings ]
What the hell
do you want?
My name is Henderson.
Okay.
Uh,
y-you don't know me,
But I was an acquaintance
of Jack Smith.
Your husband's father.
Jack's dead.
Bye.
[ Knock on door ]
I know about
Jack's death.
I would have come sooner,
but I live in Arizona now.
Cool?
I also knew Jack's
little boy, Stan.
I'm sorry.
Shithead, is it?
Henderson.
Jack is dead,
And Stan is all grown up
with an angry wife.
You'll have to pay your
respects some other time.
- I think we have a misunderstanding.
- [ Gun clicks ]
I'm not here
to pay respects.
I'm here
to collect a debt.
Sit on that sofa
and don't move!
It's story time.
Year was 1988.
Now, without computers
and smartphones,
- Bad fathers watched porn
in the living room. - [ Woman moaning, ]
[ whip cracks,
horse whinnies ]
I learned so much
in school today!
Get this...
the sun is a star!
Enough with the questions.
Can't you bore that pen pal
I set you up with?
They hanged him
on Christmas.
Henderson: [ chuckles ]
nobody hated being a dad
more than Jack Smith.
[ Indistinct chatter,
music playing ]
Are you here
to tuck me in?
Get an imaginary friend
to tuck you in.
It's quaalude time,
people!
Stan felt like the loneliest boy
in the whole world.
God, will you send me
an imaginary friend?
And that's when I fell
into Stan's life.
Dad, I did it!
I made an imaginary friend!
He fell from heaven!
And Jack realized his prayers
had been answered, too.
He never had to spend time
with his son again.
From that day on, he paid me
to be Stan's imaginary friend.
Arrgh! Me thinks
Captain Blackbeard's
treasure be
'round here somewhere!
Yarr!
I'll watch some TV,
in case they hide
treasure clues in the shows.
On which channel
be "donahue?"
41.42.
What do you mean
you skipped town?
What about my money, Jack?
[ line disconnects ]
Ready or not,
here I come.
I ain't hidden yet!
Count to 3,000!
Okay!
51.52.
- [ Thud ]
- 53...
Jack took off
and stiffed me 300 bucks,
So I ditched Stan, too.
Took a methamphetamine gig
in Arizona.
Oh, my god!
You and Jack
are monsters!
If Stan ever found out...
he'd be crushed.
Which is why you're
gonna cough up
the 300 clams
Jack owed me.
You're despicable.
I can't believe you manipulated
a kid like that.
Whoa, $500! Thanks.
Don't thank me, scumbag.
I'm hiring you.
You are gonna convince Stan
to take me dancing.
Don't mind me. Just passing through.
Huge plans.
Whoa, dude.
You are haggard.
So haggard.
So-o-o-o haggard.
I'm off.
These fishbowls are
so cheap-looking.
How am I supposed
to impress Danuta?
I already told you...
That one.
Look at the glasswork.
Please tell me it costs
less than the $30
I have in my flex
spending account.
Not even close.
[ Sighs ] I'm gonna call
Danuta and cancel our date.
Forget about her.
In fact, let's forget
about everything.
Sick bong, Jeff.
Thanks.
I made it myself.
I've been dabbling
in glassblowing.
Jeff, do you realize
what this means?
- You could blow me...
- Ha!
...a fishbowl
for my date.
Grow up.
[ Muffled club music playing ]
♪ I'd kill for you
♪ Without no drill
♪ Yeah, I'd kill for you
What you drinking,
stud?
I'm just here to dance
with my friends.
Then why are you dressed
like a slut?
Whatever.
You're fat, anyways.
Don't listen to her.
You've had two kids!
You look amazing!
I should
get out of here.
Francine's taken the fun
out of dancing.
- "Get low" by lil' Jon plays ...
- Wait, this is my song!
This! Is! My! Song!
♪ Get low, get low, get low
♪ Get low, get low
♪ To the window!
- [ Urinating ]
- Ahh, tonight was great.
I'm peeing so much,
Smith!
Francine and I, ugh.
[ Zipper zips ]
Smith, I have some advice.
My true religions are
absolutely drenched in piss.
See you at work!
[ laughs ]
- Henderson: Hey, blackbeard.
- [ Zipper zips ]
Henderson?
It can't be.
My long-lost
imaginary friend!
You came back to me!
Are you ladies done
with the wall?
I need
to take a dump.
I never forgot about you,
Henderson.
I missed you so much!
But why would an imaginary
friend get so old
and sad-looking?
'Cause of all the
imaginary drugs I've done.
Ah.
Stan, you're finally
using the tree house,
All alone,
but I brought you two beers,
Because beers are good.
Oh, god.
She's so annoying.
I'll get rid of her.
[ Yawns ]
Wow, look at the time.
Better stop jerking off alone
in my tree house
while there's
still daylight.
Nice.
Okay.
Guess I should
boogie-oogie-oogie back inside,
'cause I love dancing.
[ As Francine ] "you're finally
using the tree house."
[ Normal voice ]
Come on, dude.
Don't come in here
with that when
you're obviously
checking up on me.
Mm!
Whadda-hella-dis?
There's only one candy corn
for every two pretzels!
Forget this.
You don't deserve
a woman like her.
So long, Stan.
Wait.
If you're saying that,
It means I think
I don't deserve her.
How do I keep her?
Take your wife dancing!
Dancing?
With my wife?
Oh, there's got to be
a plan B. Aah!
When you were 8 years old,
you had nothing.
Look at your life
now, dummy.
You got a beautiful wife,
okay kids,
And you're gonna
give it all up for what?
To jerk it in a tree house
all alone until you die?
I mean, doesn't
sound that bad.
For an imaginary friend,
you sure pack a wallop.
Francine: It's true.
Henderson did pack a wallop,
but it worked.
Stan took me dancing.
Roger: Francine, what are you
doing in the voiceover booth?
I've got this booked to record
a commercial
For brockton jock straps...
"the only jock strap
with extra fabric to cover
Your whole, horrible ass."
Okay, I locked in a rezzie
at Ruby Tuesday's.
You gotta make me
the perfect fishbowl.
We're talking
three dragons minimum.
I got this, Klaus.
Stand back.
It's about to get toasty.
♪ It's getting hot in here
♪ So hot
♪ So take off
all your clothes ♪
♪ I am getting so hot
♪ I want to take my clothes off
-♪ It's getting hot in here
-♪ So hot
♪ So take off all your clothes
♪ I am getting so hot
♪ I want to take
my clothes off ♪
♪ Why you at the bar if you
ain't poppin' the bottles? ♪
♪ What good is all the fame
if... The models? ♪
♪ I see you drivin' sports cars,
ain't hittin' the throttle ♪
♪ And I'll be down to do 100
with a little bit of ♪
-♪ And a sprinkle of that
-♪ Ah, ah
♪ Let it just fall out
♪ I like it when you ah, ah
-♪ Girl, baby, make it
-♪ ah, ah
♪ Oh!
The hell is with
these dragons?
I'm not trying to bang
George r.R. Martin over here!
I need this to be
a panty-melter, bro-ham.
Do it again!
Tonight was magical,
my love.
I feel like cinderella.
You look like
cinderella, too.
Like in your face.
[ Moaning ]
I worked up a sweat,
and I need to run my balls
Under the sink,
then let's make sweet love.
Clean balls!
Now I know
I'm in a fairytale.
[ Humming ]
Henderson:
How was dancing?
[ Gasps ] Henderson!
What are you doing
in my bathroom?
Eating an apple.
I mean why are you doing
in my bathroom?
Waiting for
my next assignment.
And payment.
There is no
next assignment!
Our business arrangement
is over.
Marriage rekindled!
Mission accomplished!
Then I guess I should tell Stan
everything and crush him.
It'll probably end
your marriage.
[ Gasps ]
[ Door slams ]
Francine?
I think you're gonna like this!
Guess what I am?
I need to come clean.
Guess, Francine.
Sex gargoyle?
Nope. Horse statue
outside pf Chang's,
A.K.A. Your favorite
statue in the world.
You remembered!
Oh, you're making
this so hard.
Stan, there is something
you need to know.
Hold that thought while
I come clean about something.
It wasn't my idea
to take you dancing.
[ Inhales deeply ]
I have an imaginary friend
named Henderson.
He made me realize
that you are my everything,
And I never want
to drift apart.
You were about to
confess something?
Oh, wow.
Stan, I...
Once bought a bunch
of 9th graders beer
at a Blues Traveler
Concert.
Sounds like you're only
confessing to one thing...
Being a super cool lady.
Well, take some advice
from a super cool lady.
Stan, get rid of
your imaginary friend.
He's not real!
But I am.
Who's Henderson?
I know you didn't say
"Henderson,"
So that didn't totally work,
but you get the idea.
So just to clarify,
you're getting rid of Henderson?
Who's Henderson?
[ Gasps ]
there's paper on me!
Get it off!
Get it off!
Don't move, mom!
It's stuck to your face!
It's paper!
[ line ringing ]
Well, here's the problem.
It's paper.
Oh. It's a love note
from Stan.
"I took Henderson skydiving.
He came from the heavens,
and thither he shall return.
Text if you need tampons,
my queen."
- Aww.
- Aww.
Oh, no!
[ Button clicks ]
[ Wind whistles ]
uh.
What's happening?
When do I get
my parachute?
You were the greatest friend
a boy could ask for,
But when a boy marries a girl,
he doesn't need friends.
I realize that now.
I-I'm scared, Stan.
I want to go back down
to the ground!
You can go
wherever you want.
You're imaginary.
What the hell
are you doing?
It's time for you
to help
some other boy
the way you helped me.
I wasn't helping!
Your dad hired me
because he didn't love you!
My imagination
is so powerful!
This must be
what Jim Henson
felt like wrestling
with his ideas.
I'm a real man!
My name is Hank Henderson,
And I live in
flagstaff, Arizona.
You showed me your cards,
Henderson.
Even I know that's not
a real place.
Goodbye, Henderson,
- And thank you!
- [ screams ]
Come on, Stan.
Don't do anything stupid.
- [ Splat ]
- [ screams, tires screech ]
Francine?
No freaking way.
You're never gonna
believe this.
Henderson landed
on your car!
Huh. I figured he would
disappear or something.
Realistic as hell.
My brain is a marvel.
Good thing
you can't see this.
You'd be, like,
freaking out.
[ Whimpers ]
There's that super cool
lady I know and love.
Want to go dancing?
I have the strangest
feeling,
But I can't put
my finger on it.
Stan, I need you
to listen to me
wthout interrupting.
I live to serve you.
Henderson was hired
by your dad
to be your
imaginary friend.
That guy on the hood
is an actual dead man.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
My own father?
What a great guy!
What?!
He hired a man to be
my imaginary friend
Because he couldn't
be there.
No!
He lied to you,
and I lied to you.
I paid Henderson to manipulate
you into taking me dancing.
I murdered a man.
No. All you did was save
our marriage.
Mind pumping the brakes?
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Squeaks, thuds ]
Just drive around that guy.
The reservation
is in 20 minutes!
What the hell
is taking so long?!
All of your
design notes!
I wouldn't have notes
if you did it right
the first time!
How hard is it to make
a fishbowl with one mongoose,
two pickle ricks,
and kawhi Leonard
in a Knicks Jersey?
[ Fire crackles ]
Let's go!
That glass is over
1,000 degrees.
It needs to cool.
There's no time.
We'll crank the Van's a/c.
To Ruby Tuesday's!
Danuta. Sorry I'm late.
Better late than never.
[ laughs ]
Klaus, wow.
You look great.
Is that a new
fish bowl?
- [ laughs ]
- [ sizzling ]
I hope we're in
the smoking section.
Waiter!
Ice water immediately!
- And for you?
- Hmm.
I'll take...
Hmm.
[ laughs ]
Let's make that order
two ice waters.
[ laughs ]
I'll take
a chardonnay.
You heard the lady.
[ laughs ] Hurry!
Ooh, wait.
On second thought,
I'm coming off
a bad relationship,
And I feel like
a dirty Martini.
[ laughs ]
[ Sizzling ]
[ laughing ]
Danuta! Come with me to
the center of the earth!
[ laughs ]
[ Gasps ]
Buddy, you're back!
You overheated!
W-What happened
to Danuta?
She got a bacon bleu
cheese burger,
But it was so big,
she dislocated her jaw
trying to take a bite,
and now she's at the hospital
and might be dead.
Where's that burger?
Did she finish it?
Can't believe
it's already Monday.
What did we even
do this weekend?
We killed Henderson.
Oh, yeah.
That was crazy.
How are you
okay with this?
A man is dead
because of us.
If you're worried
about getting caught,
Dick already wiped Henderson
off the grid.
As far as the government
is concerned,
He really was imaginary.
Whoa.
Forgot how to wink.
I'll never be the same.
[ Sobs ]
Come to work
with me, honey.
Our grief counselor works
with PTSD every day.
[ Knock on door ]
Go away!
Who are you?
I'm coach Cathy,
the CIA grief counselor
and coach of
our softball team.
Stan sent me.
You can't help me.
Oh-ho, you sound like
Tina Turbaco.
She was depressed she couldn't
hit an inside curve ball.
Uh, who? What?
Okay, let's see what
we're working with here.
Ooh, still in your robe
at 4:00 P.M.?
Drinking... [ sniffs ]
Popov from a coffee cup.
Ooh, and an ass that
could stop a mack truck.
Thank you?
How you holding up?
Bad! I killed a man.
Well, at least
it was a man.
Let's be real,
all guys are assholes.
[ Chuckles tearfully ]
Most guys, I guess.
There's a little sunshine
peeking through.
Ha! Get on up out
of that sofa!
The Van is running!
On the hop!
This... this is where
all your power comes from.
You play some ball
in high school?
I went to
an all-girls school.
[ Inhales deeply ]
The dream.
What are we doing here?
Don't question my process.
I need you to pick a number
between 1 and 10.
I don't know, 7?
Mickey mantle.
[ whirring ]
Don't get upset
if you don't make contact.
Got this pup dialed up
to about a 90.
"March of the toreadors"
plays...
[ Fence rattles ]
[♪♪]
[ Fence rattles ]
[♪♪]
You did it!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Come to mama!
[ laughs ]
[ Moaning ]
How did it feel
when you ripped the tits
off that baseball?
Is that a real
baseball talk?
Do you remember when I asked
you to pick a number?
Yeah. I picked 7.
Ha. The Mick.
But it was also the number
of cruise missiles
Launched from
the USS Wendigo
into an Iraqi village
at your command.
What?
How does that feel?
Knowing that you killed
all those people?
I actually
don't feel anything.
I didn't know you were
gonna do that.
And you didn't know
Stan would throw Henderson
Off the plane.
Oh, my god.
You're right!
None of this is my fault!
Cathy, you are a-mah-zing.
Please.
Cathy was both
my moms' names.
Call me coach.
No.
I'm gonna call you
"friend."
Whose muddy cleats
are on the porch?
- They're coach Cathy's!
- Uh-huh.
Coach Cathy, Stan.
She cured me!
Okay. What?
Coach Cathy, silly.
The CIA grief counselor
you sent.
Coach Cathy?
She totally cured me,
And I hit
a 90 mile-an-hour fastball!
Oh, good.
That sounds real.
So do you feel like
it's in your best interest,
mental-health-wise, to keep up
this relationship with Cathy?
Coach Cathy?
With coach?
I don't know what
I'd do without her.
Well, we don't want
to find that out, so...
Welcome to
our lives, Cathy.
Quit shaking
her boob, Stan.
She likes girls.
Who doesn't?
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
Perf.
It's a date.
[ Cellphone beeps, thuds ]
Bad news, guys.
Here we go.
I'm serious, Hayley!
I'm all torn up
over here!
I have bad news...
for my haters!
Because Danuta is giving
your boy Klaus another shot!
Isn't Danuta someone
better than you?
She was!
But he was hit by a train.
Hayley?
Fine.
Danuta has entered the small,
glorious window
I like to call
"The Rebound Zone."
But your personality,
Klaus.
It's so bad.
[ Chuckles ] Way ahead
of you, Hayley.
In The Rebound Zone,
Cash is king.
The first suitor
to impress Danuta
with a grand display of wealth
will win her heart.
Attention, everyone.
It's crunk night
at the club,
and I don't want
to look stupid.
Now, which one of
these chains
screams "Atlanta?"
"A" for Atlanta,
or 7 for Michael vick?
The club?
Stan, this is the third time
this week.
[ Groans ]
This is how men blow off
steam, Francine.
They go to the club,
order bottle service, and dance.
I shouldn't have
to explain this.
It's caveman shit.
Women like to dance,
too!
Do they, though?
Yes!
I've asked you to take me
dancing for years!
I want to spend
time with you!
Oh, my god. We literally
just went to target.
We bought me
these socks.
I rode in the car with you
the whole way back.
[ Groans ]
There's a difference
between buying socks
and being connected.
Is there, though?
[♪♪]
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say
- ♪ Good...
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A.
*AMERICAN DAD*
*AMERICAN DAD*
Season 16 Episode 10 (IMDB)
Episode Title: "Henderson"
Aired on: June 21, 2021.
[ Doorbell rings ]
What the hell
do you want?
My name is Henderson.
Okay.
Uh,
y-you don't know me,
But I was an acquaintance
of Jack Smith.
Your husband's father.
Jack's dead.
Bye.
[ Knock on door ]
I know about
Jack's death.
I would have come sooner,
but I live in Arizona now.
Cool?
I also knew Jack's
little boy, Stan.
I'm sorry.
Shithead, is it?
Henderson.
Jack is dead,
And Stan is all grown up
with an angry wife.
You'll have to pay your
respects some other time.
- I think we have a misunderstanding.
- [ Gun clicks ]
I'm not here
to pay respects.
I'm here
to collect a debt.
Sit on that sofa
and don't move!
It's story time.
Year was 1988.
Now, without computers
and smartphones,
- Bad fathers watched porn
in the living room. - [ Woman moaning, ]
[ whip cracks,
horse whinnies ]
I learned so much
in school today!
Get this...
the sun is a star!
Enough with the questions.
Can't you bore that pen pal
I set you up with?
They hanged him
on Christmas.
Henderson: [ chuckles ]
nobody hated being a dad
more than Jack Smith.
[ Indistinct chatter,
music playing ]
Are you here
to tuck me in?
Get an imaginary friend
to tuck you in.
It's quaalude time,
people!
Stan felt like the loneliest boy
in the whole world.
God, will you send me
an imaginary friend?
And that's when I fell
into Stan's life.
Dad, I did it!
I made an imaginary friend!
He fell from heaven!
And Jack realized his prayers
had been answered, too.
He never had to spend time
with his son again.
From that day on, he paid me
to be Stan's imaginary friend.
Arrgh! Me thinks
Captain Blackbeard's
treasure be
'round here somewhere!
Yarr!
I'll watch some TV,
in case they hide
treasure clues in the shows.
On which channel
be "donahue?"
41.42.
What do you mean
you skipped town?
What about my money, Jack?
[ line disconnects ]
Ready or not,
here I come.
I ain't hidden yet!
Count to 3,000!
Okay!
51.52.
- [ Thud ]
- 53...
Jack took off
and stiffed me 300 bucks,
So I ditched Stan, too.
Took a methamphetamine gig
in Arizona.
Oh, my god!
You and Jack
are monsters!
If Stan ever found out...
he'd be crushed.
Which is why you're
gonna cough up
the 300 clams
Jack owed me.
You're despicable.
I can't believe you manipulated
a kid like that.
Whoa, $500! Thanks.
Don't thank me, scumbag.
I'm hiring you.
You are gonna convince Stan
to take me dancing.
Don't mind me. Just passing through.
Huge plans.
Whoa, dude.
You are haggard.
So haggard.
So-o-o-o haggard.
I'm off.
These fishbowls are
so cheap-looking.
How am I supposed
to impress Danuta?
I already told you...
That one.
Look at the glasswork.
Please tell me it costs
less than the $30
I have in my flex
spending account.
Not even close.
[ Sighs ] I'm gonna call
Danuta and cancel our date.
Forget about her.
In fact, let's forget
about everything.
Sick bong, Jeff.
Thanks.
I made it myself.
I've been dabbling
in glassblowing.
Jeff, do you realize
what this means?
- You could blow me...
- Ha!
...a fishbowl
for my date.
Grow up.
[ Muffled club music playing ]
♪ I'd kill for you
♪ Without no drill
♪ Yeah, I'd kill for you
What you drinking,
stud?
I'm just here to dance
with my friends.
Then why are you dressed
like a slut?
Whatever.
You're fat, anyways.
Don't listen to her.
You've had two kids!
You look amazing!
I should
get out of here.
Francine's taken the fun
out of dancing.
- "Get low" by lil' Jon plays ...
- Wait, this is my song!
This! Is! My! Song!
♪ Get low, get low, get low
♪ Get low, get low
♪ To the window!
- [ Urinating ]
- Ahh, tonight was great.
I'm peeing so much,
Smith!
Francine and I, ugh.
[ Zipper zips ]
Smith, I have some advice.
My true religions are
absolutely drenched in piss.
See you at work!
[ laughs ]
- Henderson: Hey, blackbeard.
- [ Zipper zips ]
Henderson?
It can't be.
My long-lost
imaginary friend!
You came back to me!
Are you ladies done
with the wall?
I need
to take a dump.
I never forgot about you,
Henderson.
I missed you so much!
But why would an imaginary
friend get so old
and sad-looking?
'Cause of all the
imaginary drugs I've done.
Ah.
Stan, you're finally
using the tree house,
All alone,
but I brought you two beers,
Because beers are good.
Oh, god.
She's so annoying.
I'll get rid of her.
[ Yawns ]
Wow, look at the time.
Better stop jerking off alone
in my tree house
while there's
still daylight.
Nice.
Okay.
Guess I should
boogie-oogie-oogie back inside,
'cause I love dancing.
[ As Francine ] "you're finally
using the tree house."
[ Normal voice ]
Come on, dude.
Don't come in here
with that when
you're obviously
checking up on me.
Mm!
Whadda-hella-dis?
There's only one candy corn
for every two pretzels!
Forget this.
You don't deserve
a woman like her.
So long, Stan.
Wait.
If you're saying that,
It means I think
I don't deserve her.
How do I keep her?
Take your wife dancing!
Dancing?
With my wife?
Oh, there's got to be
a plan B. Aah!
When you were 8 years old,
you had nothing.
Look at your life
now, dummy.
You got a beautiful wife,
okay kids,
And you're gonna
give it all up for what?
To jerk it in a tree house
all alone until you die?
I mean, doesn't
sound that bad.
For an imaginary friend,
you sure pack a wallop.
Francine: It's true.
Henderson did pack a wallop,
but it worked.
Stan took me dancing.
Roger: Francine, what are you
doing in the voiceover booth?
I've got this booked to record
a commercial
For brockton jock straps...
"the only jock strap
with extra fabric to cover
Your whole, horrible ass."
Okay, I locked in a rezzie
at Ruby Tuesday's.
You gotta make me
the perfect fishbowl.
We're talking
three dragons minimum.
I got this, Klaus.
Stand back.
It's about to get toasty.
♪ It's getting hot in here
♪ So hot
♪ So take off
all your clothes ♪
♪ I am getting so hot
♪ I want to take my clothes off
-♪ It's getting hot in here
-♪ So hot
♪ So take off all your clothes
♪ I am getting so hot
♪ I want to take
my clothes off ♪
♪ Why you at the bar if you
ain't poppin' the bottles? ♪
♪ What good is all the fame
if... The models? ♪
♪ I see you drivin' sports cars,
ain't hittin' the throttle ♪
♪ And I'll be down to do 100
with a little bit of ♪
-♪ And a sprinkle of that
-♪ Ah, ah
♪ Let it just fall out
♪ I like it when you ah, ah
-♪ Girl, baby, make it
-♪ ah, ah
♪ Oh!
The hell is with
these dragons?
I'm not trying to bang
George r.R. Martin over here!
I need this to be
a panty-melter, bro-ham.
Do it again!
Tonight was magical,
my love.
I feel like cinderella.
You look like
cinderella, too.
Like in your face.
[ Moaning ]
I worked up a sweat,
and I need to run my balls
Under the sink,
then let's make sweet love.
Clean balls!
Now I know
I'm in a fairytale.
[ Humming ]
Henderson:
How was dancing?
[ Gasps ] Henderson!
What are you doing
in my bathroom?
Eating an apple.
I mean why are you doing
in my bathroom?
Waiting for
my next assignment.
And payment.
There is no
next assignment!
Our business arrangement
is over.
Marriage rekindled!
Mission accomplished!
Then I guess I should tell Stan
everything and crush him.
It'll probably end
your marriage.
[ Gasps ]
[ Door slams ]
Francine?
I think you're gonna like this!
Guess what I am?
I need to come clean.
Guess, Francine.
Sex gargoyle?
Nope. Horse statue
outside pf Chang's,
A.K.A. Your favorite
statue in the world.
You remembered!
Oh, you're making
this so hard.
Stan, there is something
you need to know.
Hold that thought while
I come clean about something.
It wasn't my idea
to take you dancing.
[ Inhales deeply ]
I have an imaginary friend
named Henderson.
He made me realize
that you are my everything,
And I never want
to drift apart.
You were about to
confess something?
Oh, wow.
Stan, I...
Once bought a bunch
of 9th graders beer
at a Blues Traveler
Concert.
Sounds like you're only
confessing to one thing...
Being a super cool lady.
Well, take some advice
from a super cool lady.
Stan, get rid of
your imaginary friend.
He's not real!
But I am.
Who's Henderson?
I know you didn't say
"Henderson,"
So that didn't totally work,
but you get the idea.
So just to clarify,
you're getting rid of Henderson?
Who's Henderson?
[ Gasps ]
there's paper on me!
Get it off!
Get it off!
Don't move, mom!
It's stuck to your face!
It's paper!
[ line ringing ]
Well, here's the problem.
It's paper.
Oh. It's a love note
from Stan.
"I took Henderson skydiving.
He came from the heavens,
and thither he shall return.
Text if you need tampons,
my queen."
- Aww.
- Aww.
Oh, no!
[ Button clicks ]
[ Wind whistles ]
uh.
What's happening?
When do I get
my parachute?
You were the greatest friend
a boy could ask for,
But when a boy marries a girl,
he doesn't need friends.
I realize that now.
I-I'm scared, Stan.
I want to go back down
to the ground!
You can go
wherever you want.
You're imaginary.
What the hell
are you doing?
It's time for you
to help
some other boy
the way you helped me.
I wasn't helping!
Your dad hired me
because he didn't love you!
My imagination
is so powerful!
This must be
what Jim Henson
felt like wrestling
with his ideas.
I'm a real man!
My name is Hank Henderson,
And I live in
flagstaff, Arizona.
You showed me your cards,
Henderson.
Even I know that's not
a real place.
Goodbye, Henderson,
- And thank you!
- [ screams ]
Come on, Stan.
Don't do anything stupid.
- [ Splat ]
- [ screams, tires screech ]
Francine?
No freaking way.
You're never gonna
believe this.
Henderson landed
on your car!
Huh. I figured he would
disappear or something.
Realistic as hell.
My brain is a marvel.
Good thing
you can't see this.
You'd be, like,
freaking out.
[ Whimpers ]
There's that super cool
lady I know and love.
Want to go dancing?
I have the strangest
feeling,
But I can't put
my finger on it.
Stan, I need you
to listen to me
wthout interrupting.
I live to serve you.
Henderson was hired
by your dad
to be your
imaginary friend.
That guy on the hood
is an actual dead man.
Are you sure?
Yes.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god!
My own father?
What a great guy!
What?!
He hired a man to be
my imaginary friend
Because he couldn't
be there.
No!
He lied to you,
and I lied to you.
I paid Henderson to manipulate
you into taking me dancing.
I murdered a man.
No. All you did was save
our marriage.
Mind pumping the brakes?
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Squeaks, thuds ]
Just drive around that guy.
The reservation
is in 20 minutes!
What the hell
is taking so long?!
All of your
design notes!
I wouldn't have notes
if you did it right
the first time!
How hard is it to make
a fishbowl with one mongoose,
two pickle ricks,
and kawhi Leonard
in a Knicks Jersey?
[ Fire crackles ]
Let's go!
That glass is over
1,000 degrees.
It needs to cool.
There's no time.
We'll crank the Van's a/c.
To Ruby Tuesday's!
Danuta. Sorry I'm late.
Better late than never.
[ laughs ]
Klaus, wow.
You look great.
Is that a new
fish bowl?
- [ laughs ]
- [ sizzling ]
I hope we're in
the smoking section.
Waiter!
Ice water immediately!
- And for you?
- Hmm.
I'll take...
Hmm.
[ laughs ]
Let's make that order
two ice waters.
[ laughs ]
I'll take
a chardonnay.
You heard the lady.
[ laughs ] Hurry!
Ooh, wait.
On second thought,
I'm coming off
a bad relationship,
And I feel like
a dirty Martini.
[ laughs ]
[ Sizzling ]
[ laughing ]
Danuta! Come with me to
the center of the earth!
[ laughs ]
[ Gasps ]
Buddy, you're back!
You overheated!
W-What happened
to Danuta?
She got a bacon bleu
cheese burger,
But it was so big,
she dislocated her jaw
trying to take a bite,
and now she's at the hospital
and might be dead.
Where's that burger?
Did she finish it?
Can't believe
it's already Monday.
What did we even
do this weekend?
We killed Henderson.
Oh, yeah.
That was crazy.
How are you
okay with this?
A man is dead
because of us.
If you're worried
about getting caught,
Dick already wiped Henderson
off the grid.
As far as the government
is concerned,
He really was imaginary.
Whoa.
Forgot how to wink.
I'll never be the same.
[ Sobs ]
Come to work
with me, honey.
Our grief counselor works
with PTSD every day.
[ Knock on door ]
Go away!
Who are you?
I'm coach Cathy,
the CIA grief counselor
and coach of
our softball team.
Stan sent me.
You can't help me.
Oh-ho, you sound like
Tina Turbaco.
She was depressed she couldn't
hit an inside curve ball.
Uh, who? What?
Okay, let's see what
we're working with here.
Ooh, still in your robe
at 4:00 P.M.?
Drinking... [ sniffs ]
Popov from a coffee cup.
Ooh, and an ass that
could stop a mack truck.
Thank you?
How you holding up?
Bad! I killed a man.
Well, at least
it was a man.
Let's be real,
all guys are assholes.
[ Chuckles tearfully ]
Most guys, I guess.
There's a little sunshine
peeking through.
Ha! Get on up out
of that sofa!
The Van is running!
On the hop!
This... this is where
all your power comes from.
You play some ball
in high school?
I went to
an all-girls school.
[ Inhales deeply ]
The dream.
What are we doing here?
Don't question my process.
I need you to pick a number
between 1 and 10.
I don't know, 7?
Mickey mantle.
[ whirring ]
Don't get upset
if you don't make contact.
Got this pup dialed up
to about a 90.
"March of the toreadors"
plays...
[ Fence rattles ]
[♪♪]
[ Fence rattles ]
[♪♪]
You did it!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Come to mama!
[ laughs ]
[ Moaning ]
How did it feel
when you ripped the tits
off that baseball?
Is that a real
baseball talk?
Do you remember when I asked
you to pick a number?
Yeah. I picked 7.
Ha. The Mick.
But it was also the number
of cruise missiles
Launched from
the USS Wendigo
into an Iraqi village
at your command.
What?
How does that feel?
Knowing that you killed
all those people?
I actually
don't feel anything.
I didn't know you were
gonna do that.
And you didn't know
Stan would throw Henderson
Off the plane.
Oh, my god.
You're right!
None of this is my fault!
Cathy, you are a-mah-zing.
Please.
Cathy was both
my moms' names.
Call me coach.
No.
I'm gonna call you
"friend."
Whose muddy cleats
are on the porch?
- They're coach Cathy's!
- Uh-huh.
Coach Cathy, Stan.
She cured me!
Okay. What?
Coach Cathy, silly.
The CIA grief counselor
you sent.
Coach Cathy?
She totally cured me,
And I hit
a 90 mile-an-hour fastball!
Oh, good.
That sounds real.
So do you feel like
it's in your best interest,
mental-health-wise, to keep up
this relationship with Cathy?
Coach Cathy?
With coach?
I don't know what
I'd do without her.
Well, we don't want
to find that out, so...
Welcome to
our lives, Cathy.
Quit shaking
her boob, Stan.
She likes girls.
Who doesn't?
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!