American Dad! (2005–…): Season 15, Episode 11 - Game Night - full transcript
Where do you think the trash goes
when you put it down the chute?
Maybe it goes to California.
Thrilling news!
I've finally built the
labyrinth I've always wanted.
- What's a labyrinth?
- It's an elaborate maze
filled with riddles and monsters.
- Monsters?
- You ask a lot of questions, Smith.
Well, here's a statement.
I'm in a good mood, too.
Tonight's family game night at my house.
Family game night?!
Why didn't you say so?!
Get out of here, Smith!
Everyone, please remember,
you do not need to come into work
if you have family game night,
a tickle in your throat,
or see any unlucky
numbers on your drive in.
_
_
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
Left hand... red.
[STRAINING]
Whoa!
Left hand... red? That's impossible.
This stupid game's rigged against me.
Whose idea was this? I bet it was yours.
Steve, you've been coming
for my throne for years.
But never forget where you came from...
my balls.
Ooh! Oh, my bad.
It's right foot... green.
Hey! I'm already on green.
[STRAINING]
Stan wins!
[BEAT BOXING]
Now, without further ado,
I will celebrate in
the traditional manner.
[BEAT BOXING CONTINUES]
[ALL SIGH]
TUTTLE: Looks like another
victorious game night for Stan!
Why do we always let
Mr. S win at game night?
He's such a bad loser that we
really have no other option.
Believe me.
It kills me to see that man happy.
Yeah, when dad loses, he gets toxic.
[INTRO TO BRITNEY SPEARS' "TOXIC" PLAYS]
That's four!
I win!
I know you cheated and I know
you watch me and your mom
do it, you little creepo.
- Francine, I don't love you anymore.
- [GASPS]
And you!
You're not very good at basketball.
- [GASPS]
- [STRAINS]
[GRUNTING]
[INTRO TO BRITNEY SPEARS' "TOXIC" PLAYS]
Joke's on him. That only fueled me
to take my game to the next level.
Well, I would like to win
every once in a while.
And I would like my butt to smell like
strawberries and not butthole.
But neither is happening, Jeffy, my boy!
Mmm!
Mmm!
Isn't anyone gonna ask
me what I'm eating?
It's foie gras.
I just tried it for the first time
at Frog Ross's Foie Gras-taurant.
Roger, you know
how they make that stuff?
It is disgusting and cruel.
They force-feed geese
until their fattened
livers are bursting.
With flavor.
I was so full, I barely even wanted
to stop at Burger King afterward.
Hey, Stan. Cool to see you in my alcove.
Are you trying to hide a dirty rag?
That's why most people come in here.
I'm trying to pick out something
for tonight's game night,
but I've won all these.
It's getting boring.
If you really want a game
that will shake things up...
I'm not doing sex dice with my family.
We don't have to invite the family.
[HUMMING]
Aah!
[SOBBING]
Sir, is something wrong?
You seem a little off today.
Is this about that botched coup
where we paid the
Libyan dictator's barber
to give him an embarrassing haircut,
but then everybody loved the haircut
and his power only grew stronger?
It's my damned labyrinth.
No one can escape it.
If no one wins,
I can't congratulate them.
And I already know
what I'm going to say.
"Attaboy! You finished my labyrinth,
and I'm proud of you!"
Sir, I think I have the
answer to your prayers.
Maybe you didn't hear earlier
today when I was in my house,
but I'm a little bored of
all the games my family owns.
Oh, no!
I need a challenge.
You know what we should do...
- We should kiss.
- No. I should play your labyrinth.
Yes, of course.
Now on to that kiss
you've been begging me for.
[SMOOCHES]
♪♪
- [DOOR OPENS]
- I went to buy some foie gras,
but it was too expensive,
so I did the next-best thing.
Meet Ross, Chandler,
Joey, Monica, Rachel,
and Phoebe, my geese!
I grabbed them from the park
to make my own foie gras.
This is a very good idea, Roger.
I am 100% on board.
Follow me, please.
[SOBBING]
[BEEPING]
For this week's game night,
I have something a
little different planned.
It already feels a little different.
We're gonna do a labyrinth.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Come on.
Ugh! I really don't feel like
doing a labyrinth tonight.
I'll do anything to get off
this noisy-ass elevator.
Dinging when the door opens,
beeping on every floor.
We get it! You're an elevator!
I'm sure it won't take that lo...
Gulp.
♪♪
[SIGHS] The one time I
forget my Rollerblades.
This is a strange thing
the government built.
[DOOR SLAMS AND LOCKS]
Hi! I'm Grunklebean,
A.K.A. "The Cool Bean."
Can anyone tell me what happened
in the Tampa Bay Lightning game?
This lady's hilarious.
[HUMMING] Aah!
What the hell is this place?
Great question. I'll have my Groban
explain everything.
- What's a Groban?
- Great question.
I'll have my Groban explain everything.
♪♪
♪ Welcome to the labyrinth ♪
♪ In the CIA basementh ♪
♪ It's a maze filled with riddles ♪
♪ And puzzles and challenges ♪
♪ And tons of freaky-ass creatures ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪
- ♪ If you get into trouble ♪
- ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Bullock will rescue and bring you home-a ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ But if you want to win ♪
♪ You got to make it
to that Toyota Tacoma ♪
♪ Make it to that Toyota Tacoma ♪
Take it, Dr. Dubs!
[RAPPING] ♪ That's right, Dr. Dubs
comin' straight from the streets ♪
♪ In my lab,
I make monsters and sick-ass beats ♪
♪ Now, there's only one rule
in this place I'm so proud of ♪
♪ You gotta make sure you
don't fall in lo-ove ♪
- Mmm.
- [SLURPING]
Enjoy the labyrinth!
[ROARS]
Hiya!
I'm Werb-Berg the Woober.
This is my puzzle palace.
To pass,
you must parse my puzzling puzzle.
Got it. Physical challenge.
Dad, I think this floor is a puzzle.
The floor? Don't you dare
touch that beautiful mosaic.
It's a puzzle.
Did I not make that clear enough?
It's not you, Wahlberg. You're fine.
We got a whole thing going on.
Maybe we should do the puzzle?
[GRUNTS]
Aha!
It's a gingerbread wall.
This place is rigged.
I should have expected
this from a scum-sucking,
- bottom-feeding Woober.
- Wha?!
Oh, no! Bad-loser alert.
[INTRO TO BRITNEY SPEARS' "TOXIC" PLAYS]
Let's finish... quick!
[ALL GRUNTING]
Huh.
Good job, Stan!
You bit the right rock.
Yeah, I did.
This is my labyrinth.
No. I will not clap.
Jesus, Jeff! Who cares?
It's just making a noise
by slapping two meat sticks together.
It doesn't mean anything.
♪♪
Oh, baby!
This smells so good!
Okay, what's the next step?
This is all pretty sick and twisted.
You have to force-feed
the geese several times
a day with this thing.
It's called a gavage.
I'm sure they like it.
Look, I'll try some.
Mmm! This is kind of good.
Really good! I can't get enough!
[GAGGING]
- [GULPING]
- When I signed up to help you, Roger,
I didn't know it would be so corny.
- [TING!]
- Thank you.
But that joke's in this book.
- Like my orb?
- Yes.
Aaaand are you enjoying my labyrinth?
Well, the craftmanship
is a little bit shoddy,
- and there's more duct tape...
- Shh!
♪ It doesn't matter what you think ♪
♪ This is my labyrinth so just shut up ♪
Hello. I am The Riddle Lord.
Cool, man. I'm Steve.
Let's hear that riddle.
I build up castles.
I tear down mountains.
I make some men blind.
I help others to see.
What am I?
Stevie Wonder! Final answer!
What? That makes zero sense.
Got it. It's sand.
Stan! You were right!
It was Stevie Wonder.
No. Stop Cabbage Patching!
- I'm sick of letting you win everything!
- Letting me win?
Yeah. That's what we're
doing now and have been doing
every game night for years.
I've been tricking you... me, Jeff,
the guy who's still legally
not allowed to use scissors.
My dumb ass has been fooling you,
all because you're such a bad loser.
What? Is this true?
Well, you do get a little mean
when you lose.
Rebuttal.
[BLEEP] you! I'm never mean,
you [BLEEP] [BLEEP]ing gutter turds.
You [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP] [BLEEP]
Father, why do the people fight so?
Don't judge them, my sweet Groban.
- It's just human nature.
- [GASPS]
Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right. I can talk.
You know what?
I'll show you how wrong you are.
I'm going to beat this
labyrinth on my own,
and you'll see just how
great I am at games.
It's not that you're bad at games, Stan.
It's that you're a bad loser.
Although, you are very,
very bad at games.
You tried to eat the plastic
hippos when we played
Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Uh, tried?
I ate every last one.
Actually, there's another riddle
to pick the doors.
STAN: Suck it, Riddle Lord!
[GASPS]
Cheer up. I'll hear your riddle.
Alright. A Jew, a blonde,
and a gay are stuck on a houseboat.
Another puzzle.
Um, this isn't a puzzle, bud.
- [GRUNTING]
- It's just a dead end.
Every dead end is a blocked highway,
and every day is a winding road...
Sheryl Crow.
Aah!
This bone piano is not here by accident.
It must be the key to opening the door.
[NOTE PLAYS]
Aah!
Geez, Louise, Hayley!
I said open the "door," not the "floor."
[CORNY JINGLE PLAYS]
[ALL GASP]
I didn't know labyrinths
had an essay portion.
Here you go, Professor Lasagna.
Interestingly,
you all wrote lengthy defenses
of the man in the song "Baby,
It's Cold Outside,"
even though the question
was about the Civil War.
TOGETHER: C-minus.
You may pass.
♪♪
I can't believe we got through
the last three challenges
just by flashing my cooter.
Mom, that's not
how we got through those.
We kept telling you to stop.
Attaboy!
You finished my labyrinth,
and I'm proud of you!
♪♪
[GROANS] Where are you taking me?
I'm not leaving until I
get through this labyrinth.
You think I'm a loser.
I'm gonna stay here and prove it.
Prove that you're a loser?
You know what I meant.
Game night isn't over
until I say it is.
_
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Uhp, got a calendar alert.
We're supposed to get your
dad out of the labyrinth
if he's still stuck there after a month.
[GEESE HONKING]
Cool sack, Rog.
Yeah, cool sack.
That's my liver!
We need to go back to the
labyrinth to get Stan.
What's a labyrinth?
Your life's dream?
Toyota Tacoma?
The Groban?!
Oh, that place.
Yeah, it got weird down there,
so I just locked it up and
kind of forgot about it.
But if you want to go back there,
knock yourself out.
Good luck finding your friend.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Wow. Bullock really let this place go.
♪♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
You shouldn't have come back here.
- Dad?!
- Now wait next door
in the Puzzle Palace.
As you can see,
I'm trying to take a poop.
Wow. It's really gone to hell down here.
Sorry it doesn't look
like the perfect people
you follow on Instagram.
This is real life.
What have you been doing down here?
I tried to get out,
but you guys were right.
I suck at games.
- I'm a loser.
- Don't worry.
We'll work together
- and get you out of here.
- Fine.
Let me just swing by my
place and grab a few things.
Your place?
Sorry it's so messy right now.
Hey, Dad, why are there two pillows?
Oh, Stan, I didn't know we had company.
Um, guys, th...
Uh, this is Herbert, my roommate.
Herbert, this is my friend, Francine.
Grunklebean killed himself?
Not sure. We've had a few plagues.
This place was paradise
before you came here.
I moved here from Hawaii!
Come on. Let's get through
this labyrinth and get you home.
Take us with you.
I want to try a cronut
while they're still all the rage.
Yeah. Or maybe everyone else leaves,
and me and Stan stay here forever.
Whatever. We'll figure it out.
Ugh. Grody.
What the hell happened to this water?
Oh, it's not so bad.
[GROANS]
These walls are weakened
by the termites.
[GRUNTS]
We're not termites.
We're Flermites.
Shut up! Just... Just shut up!
I've had it up to here
with Floobles and Grungles
and Gogurts and Snoobrals
and Deeples and Scoozers and Snackrats.
I can't take it anymore!
I'm as mad as a Wuznut!
♪♪
I'm sorry. I got carried away there.
I-I actually like Snoobrals.
♪♪
I don't get why I'm so fat.
My corn mix is only 1
Weight Watchers point.
Per teaspoon? Oh, boy.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
#GooseLife.
#TakeAGanderAtMyGeese.
#BuildTheWall.
Is that an Instagram? Are you crazy?!
You've just sent out a beacon to
all the geese killers out there.
Oh, don't be silly.
Sully Sullenberger!
The pilot hero of the Hudson?!
And Frog Ross,
a man who needs no introduction?
Those geese are mine, Sully.
I need them for my Foie Gras-taurant.
No way, Ross-ay.
I will be the one who kills
those geese, not you.
Sully?
Is this revenge
for the geese that
flew into your engine?
No. I've always hated geese.
I flew that plane into them on purpose.
You see, as a child,
both my parents died in a car accident
while they were on their way
to see the movie "Geese,"
starring John Travolta
and Olivia Newton-John.
Wait. Don't fight. I have a solution.
Um, Sully's dead.
Oh. Wow. So he is.
Now give me those geese
or I'll kill all y'all!
Are you hungry?
I'm always hungry.
Sharpen up my knife.
Chopping off my liver.
Sizzle-sizzle, pop-pop.
Cinnamon!
[GEESE HONKING]
- Mmm! Mmm?!
- [GEESE HONK]
Huh. Wonder why that happened.
Foie gras-sta la vista, babies.
♪♪
Alright, Professor Lasagna,
what's the essay this time?
TOGETHER: No essays.
We fight to the death!
Yo, Lasagna,
who put the Grunkle in your beans?
Nice, babe. You've been wanting
to say that for years.
[ROARS]
[RIDDLE LORD SCREAMS]
Everybody, now!
[ROARS]
[ALL GRUNTING]
[GASPING]
We defeated him through
the power of knots!
Oh, no.
Spikes.
Don't worry. I've got the perfect
labyrinth hack for this.
Luckily,
this place is filled with corpses.
- Ooh!
- Stan, I think one's still alive.
Why do I feel embarrassed?
Oh, dude, my bad.
Ooh!
Sorry.
Pardon us.
Oh, no!
Jeff, you got to be more careful.
- Aah!
- Noooooo!
[SLO-MO] Noooooo!
Herbert, you saved my life.
But I broke Dr. Weitzman's one rule.
- You did?
- I fell in love.
With who? Riddle Lord?
That guy's ugly!
Why couldn't you love me?!
- We made it!
- Whoo-hoo! We did it!
A Nissan Frontier?
Man, this place has gotten
worse than I thought.
Guys, thank you.
Living with all these awful creatures...
who never had my back!...
made me really appreciate
you showing up.
Even though I was a total dick,
you never gave up on me.
Because we're not monsters
in a labyrinth, Stan.
We're a family.
Wow.
I've never thought about it that way.
Come on. Let's go home.
FLERMITE: You're not going anywhere!
This is for killing my husband...
I mean flusband!
[ALL SCREAMING]
We're back at the beginning?
Ugh! I can't believe this shit.
Welcome to... Ugh!
Honey, it's gonna be okay.
We live in this labyrinth now.
It's not so bad down here.
Let's get some snacks.
Snacks? This is all garbage.
It leads to the snacks.
You got us out of the labyrinth!
Dad, this is amazing!
[LAUGHS] No, no.
We're just getting snacks.
Now, who wants some Takis?
Dad, we're out of the labyrinth.
You did it! You saved us!
I did? Wait!
I did! I won!
♪ Oh, the taste of your lips,
I'm on a ride ♪
♪ You're toxic, I'm slippin' under ♪
♪ With a taste of a poison paradise ♪
Grunklebean! You've alive!
Of course. That's just how I sleep.
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
♪ And I love what you do ♪
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
Is it a problem
that all these monsters
are getting loose?
Probably.
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Bye! Have a beautiful time!
when you put it down the chute?
Maybe it goes to California.
Thrilling news!
I've finally built the
labyrinth I've always wanted.
- What's a labyrinth?
- It's an elaborate maze
filled with riddles and monsters.
- Monsters?
- You ask a lot of questions, Smith.
Well, here's a statement.
I'm in a good mood, too.
Tonight's family game night at my house.
Family game night?!
Why didn't you say so?!
Get out of here, Smith!
Everyone, please remember,
you do not need to come into work
if you have family game night,
a tickle in your throat,
or see any unlucky
numbers on your drive in.
_
_
[INSECTS CHIRPING]
Left hand... red.
[STRAINING]
Whoa!
Left hand... red? That's impossible.
This stupid game's rigged against me.
Whose idea was this? I bet it was yours.
Steve, you've been coming
for my throne for years.
But never forget where you came from...
my balls.
Ooh! Oh, my bad.
It's right foot... green.
Hey! I'm already on green.
[STRAINING]
Stan wins!
[BEAT BOXING]
Now, without further ado,
I will celebrate in
the traditional manner.
[BEAT BOXING CONTINUES]
[ALL SIGH]
TUTTLE: Looks like another
victorious game night for Stan!
Why do we always let
Mr. S win at game night?
He's such a bad loser that we
really have no other option.
Believe me.
It kills me to see that man happy.
Yeah, when dad loses, he gets toxic.
[INTRO TO BRITNEY SPEARS' "TOXIC" PLAYS]
That's four!
I win!
I know you cheated and I know
you watch me and your mom
do it, you little creepo.
- Francine, I don't love you anymore.
- [GASPS]
And you!
You're not very good at basketball.
- [GASPS]
- [STRAINS]
[GRUNTING]
[INTRO TO BRITNEY SPEARS' "TOXIC" PLAYS]
Joke's on him. That only fueled me
to take my game to the next level.
Well, I would like to win
every once in a while.
And I would like my butt to smell like
strawberries and not butthole.
But neither is happening, Jeffy, my boy!
Mmm!
Mmm!
Isn't anyone gonna ask
me what I'm eating?
It's foie gras.
I just tried it for the first time
at Frog Ross's Foie Gras-taurant.
Roger, you know
how they make that stuff?
It is disgusting and cruel.
They force-feed geese
until their fattened
livers are bursting.
With flavor.
I was so full, I barely even wanted
to stop at Burger King afterward.
Hey, Stan. Cool to see you in my alcove.
Are you trying to hide a dirty rag?
That's why most people come in here.
I'm trying to pick out something
for tonight's game night,
but I've won all these.
It's getting boring.
If you really want a game
that will shake things up...
I'm not doing sex dice with my family.
We don't have to invite the family.
[HUMMING]
Aah!
[SOBBING]
Sir, is something wrong?
You seem a little off today.
Is this about that botched coup
where we paid the
Libyan dictator's barber
to give him an embarrassing haircut,
but then everybody loved the haircut
and his power only grew stronger?
It's my damned labyrinth.
No one can escape it.
If no one wins,
I can't congratulate them.
And I already know
what I'm going to say.
"Attaboy! You finished my labyrinth,
and I'm proud of you!"
Sir, I think I have the
answer to your prayers.
Maybe you didn't hear earlier
today when I was in my house,
but I'm a little bored of
all the games my family owns.
Oh, no!
I need a challenge.
You know what we should do...
- We should kiss.
- No. I should play your labyrinth.
Yes, of course.
Now on to that kiss
you've been begging me for.
[SMOOCHES]
♪♪
- [DOOR OPENS]
- I went to buy some foie gras,
but it was too expensive,
so I did the next-best thing.
Meet Ross, Chandler,
Joey, Monica, Rachel,
and Phoebe, my geese!
I grabbed them from the park
to make my own foie gras.
This is a very good idea, Roger.
I am 100% on board.
Follow me, please.
[SOBBING]
[BEEPING]
For this week's game night,
I have something a
little different planned.
It already feels a little different.
We're gonna do a labyrinth.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Come on.
Ugh! I really don't feel like
doing a labyrinth tonight.
I'll do anything to get off
this noisy-ass elevator.
Dinging when the door opens,
beeping on every floor.
We get it! You're an elevator!
I'm sure it won't take that lo...
Gulp.
♪♪
[SIGHS] The one time I
forget my Rollerblades.
This is a strange thing
the government built.
[DOOR SLAMS AND LOCKS]
Hi! I'm Grunklebean,
A.K.A. "The Cool Bean."
Can anyone tell me what happened
in the Tampa Bay Lightning game?
This lady's hilarious.
[HUMMING] Aah!
What the hell is this place?
Great question. I'll have my Groban
explain everything.
- What's a Groban?
- Great question.
I'll have my Groban explain everything.
♪♪
♪ Welcome to the labyrinth ♪
♪ In the CIA basementh ♪
♪ It's a maze filled with riddles ♪
♪ And puzzles and challenges ♪
♪ And tons of freaky-ass creatures ♪
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪
- ♪ If you get into trouble ♪
- ♪ Ooh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Bullock will rescue and bring you home-a ♪
- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ But if you want to win ♪
♪ You got to make it
to that Toyota Tacoma ♪
♪ Make it to that Toyota Tacoma ♪
Take it, Dr. Dubs!
[RAPPING] ♪ That's right, Dr. Dubs
comin' straight from the streets ♪
♪ In my lab,
I make monsters and sick-ass beats ♪
♪ Now, there's only one rule
in this place I'm so proud of ♪
♪ You gotta make sure you
don't fall in lo-ove ♪
- Mmm.
- [SLURPING]
Enjoy the labyrinth!
[ROARS]
Hiya!
I'm Werb-Berg the Woober.
This is my puzzle palace.
To pass,
you must parse my puzzling puzzle.
Got it. Physical challenge.
Dad, I think this floor is a puzzle.
The floor? Don't you dare
touch that beautiful mosaic.
It's a puzzle.
Did I not make that clear enough?
It's not you, Wahlberg. You're fine.
We got a whole thing going on.
Maybe we should do the puzzle?
[GRUNTS]
Aha!
It's a gingerbread wall.
This place is rigged.
I should have expected
this from a scum-sucking,
- bottom-feeding Woober.
- Wha?!
Oh, no! Bad-loser alert.
[INTRO TO BRITNEY SPEARS' "TOXIC" PLAYS]
Let's finish... quick!
[ALL GRUNTING]
Huh.
Good job, Stan!
You bit the right rock.
Yeah, I did.
This is my labyrinth.
No. I will not clap.
Jesus, Jeff! Who cares?
It's just making a noise
by slapping two meat sticks together.
It doesn't mean anything.
♪♪
Oh, baby!
This smells so good!
Okay, what's the next step?
This is all pretty sick and twisted.
You have to force-feed
the geese several times
a day with this thing.
It's called a gavage.
I'm sure they like it.
Look, I'll try some.
Mmm! This is kind of good.
Really good! I can't get enough!
[GAGGING]
- [GULPING]
- When I signed up to help you, Roger,
I didn't know it would be so corny.
- [TING!]
- Thank you.
But that joke's in this book.
- Like my orb?
- Yes.
Aaaand are you enjoying my labyrinth?
Well, the craftmanship
is a little bit shoddy,
- and there's more duct tape...
- Shh!
♪ It doesn't matter what you think ♪
♪ This is my labyrinth so just shut up ♪
Hello. I am The Riddle Lord.
Cool, man. I'm Steve.
Let's hear that riddle.
I build up castles.
I tear down mountains.
I make some men blind.
I help others to see.
What am I?
Stevie Wonder! Final answer!
What? That makes zero sense.
Got it. It's sand.
Stan! You were right!
It was Stevie Wonder.
No. Stop Cabbage Patching!
- I'm sick of letting you win everything!
- Letting me win?
Yeah. That's what we're
doing now and have been doing
every game night for years.
I've been tricking you... me, Jeff,
the guy who's still legally
not allowed to use scissors.
My dumb ass has been fooling you,
all because you're such a bad loser.
What? Is this true?
Well, you do get a little mean
when you lose.
Rebuttal.
[BLEEP] you! I'm never mean,
you [BLEEP] [BLEEP]ing gutter turds.
You [BLEEP]ing [BLEEP] [BLEEP]
Father, why do the people fight so?
Don't judge them, my sweet Groban.
- It's just human nature.
- [GASPS]
Uh-huh. Yeah, that's right. I can talk.
You know what?
I'll show you how wrong you are.
I'm going to beat this
labyrinth on my own,
and you'll see just how
great I am at games.
It's not that you're bad at games, Stan.
It's that you're a bad loser.
Although, you are very,
very bad at games.
You tried to eat the plastic
hippos when we played
Hungry Hungry Hippos.
Uh, tried?
I ate every last one.
Actually, there's another riddle
to pick the doors.
STAN: Suck it, Riddle Lord!
[GASPS]
Cheer up. I'll hear your riddle.
Alright. A Jew, a blonde,
and a gay are stuck on a houseboat.
Another puzzle.
Um, this isn't a puzzle, bud.
- [GRUNTING]
- It's just a dead end.
Every dead end is a blocked highway,
and every day is a winding road...
Sheryl Crow.
Aah!
This bone piano is not here by accident.
It must be the key to opening the door.
[NOTE PLAYS]
Aah!
Geez, Louise, Hayley!
I said open the "door," not the "floor."
[CORNY JINGLE PLAYS]
[ALL GASP]
I didn't know labyrinths
had an essay portion.
Here you go, Professor Lasagna.
Interestingly,
you all wrote lengthy defenses
of the man in the song "Baby,
It's Cold Outside,"
even though the question
was about the Civil War.
TOGETHER: C-minus.
You may pass.
♪♪
I can't believe we got through
the last three challenges
just by flashing my cooter.
Mom, that's not
how we got through those.
We kept telling you to stop.
Attaboy!
You finished my labyrinth,
and I'm proud of you!
♪♪
[GROANS] Where are you taking me?
I'm not leaving until I
get through this labyrinth.
You think I'm a loser.
I'm gonna stay here and prove it.
Prove that you're a loser?
You know what I meant.
Game night isn't over
until I say it is.
_
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Uhp, got a calendar alert.
We're supposed to get your
dad out of the labyrinth
if he's still stuck there after a month.
[GEESE HONKING]
Cool sack, Rog.
Yeah, cool sack.
That's my liver!
We need to go back to the
labyrinth to get Stan.
What's a labyrinth?
Your life's dream?
Toyota Tacoma?
The Groban?!
Oh, that place.
Yeah, it got weird down there,
so I just locked it up and
kind of forgot about it.
But if you want to go back there,
knock yourself out.
Good luck finding your friend.
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Wow. Bullock really let this place go.
♪♪
[DOOR SLAMS]
You shouldn't have come back here.
- Dad?!
- Now wait next door
in the Puzzle Palace.
As you can see,
I'm trying to take a poop.
Wow. It's really gone to hell down here.
Sorry it doesn't look
like the perfect people
you follow on Instagram.
This is real life.
What have you been doing down here?
I tried to get out,
but you guys were right.
I suck at games.
- I'm a loser.
- Don't worry.
We'll work together
- and get you out of here.
- Fine.
Let me just swing by my
place and grab a few things.
Your place?
Sorry it's so messy right now.
Hey, Dad, why are there two pillows?
Oh, Stan, I didn't know we had company.
Um, guys, th...
Uh, this is Herbert, my roommate.
Herbert, this is my friend, Francine.
Grunklebean killed himself?
Not sure. We've had a few plagues.
This place was paradise
before you came here.
I moved here from Hawaii!
Come on. Let's get through
this labyrinth and get you home.
Take us with you.
I want to try a cronut
while they're still all the rage.
Yeah. Or maybe everyone else leaves,
and me and Stan stay here forever.
Whatever. We'll figure it out.
Ugh. Grody.
What the hell happened to this water?
Oh, it's not so bad.
[GROANS]
These walls are weakened
by the termites.
[GRUNTS]
We're not termites.
We're Flermites.
Shut up! Just... Just shut up!
I've had it up to here
with Floobles and Grungles
and Gogurts and Snoobrals
and Deeples and Scoozers and Snackrats.
I can't take it anymore!
I'm as mad as a Wuznut!
♪♪
I'm sorry. I got carried away there.
I-I actually like Snoobrals.
♪♪
I don't get why I'm so fat.
My corn mix is only 1
Weight Watchers point.
Per teaspoon? Oh, boy.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
#GooseLife.
#TakeAGanderAtMyGeese.
#BuildTheWall.
Is that an Instagram? Are you crazy?!
You've just sent out a beacon to
all the geese killers out there.
Oh, don't be silly.
Sully Sullenberger!
The pilot hero of the Hudson?!
And Frog Ross,
a man who needs no introduction?
Those geese are mine, Sully.
I need them for my Foie Gras-taurant.
No way, Ross-ay.
I will be the one who kills
those geese, not you.
Sully?
Is this revenge
for the geese that
flew into your engine?
No. I've always hated geese.
I flew that plane into them on purpose.
You see, as a child,
both my parents died in a car accident
while they were on their way
to see the movie "Geese,"
starring John Travolta
and Olivia Newton-John.
Wait. Don't fight. I have a solution.
Um, Sully's dead.
Oh. Wow. So he is.
Now give me those geese
or I'll kill all y'all!
Are you hungry?
I'm always hungry.
Sharpen up my knife.
Chopping off my liver.
Sizzle-sizzle, pop-pop.
Cinnamon!
[GEESE HONKING]
- Mmm! Mmm?!
- [GEESE HONK]
Huh. Wonder why that happened.
Foie gras-sta la vista, babies.
♪♪
Alright, Professor Lasagna,
what's the essay this time?
TOGETHER: No essays.
We fight to the death!
Yo, Lasagna,
who put the Grunkle in your beans?
Nice, babe. You've been wanting
to say that for years.
[ROARS]
[RIDDLE LORD SCREAMS]
Everybody, now!
[ROARS]
[ALL GRUNTING]
[GASPING]
We defeated him through
the power of knots!
Oh, no.
Spikes.
Don't worry. I've got the perfect
labyrinth hack for this.
Luckily,
this place is filled with corpses.
- Ooh!
- Stan, I think one's still alive.
Why do I feel embarrassed?
Oh, dude, my bad.
Ooh!
Sorry.
Pardon us.
Oh, no!
Jeff, you got to be more careful.
- Aah!
- Noooooo!
[SLO-MO] Noooooo!
Herbert, you saved my life.
But I broke Dr. Weitzman's one rule.
- You did?
- I fell in love.
With who? Riddle Lord?
That guy's ugly!
Why couldn't you love me?!
- We made it!
- Whoo-hoo! We did it!
A Nissan Frontier?
Man, this place has gotten
worse than I thought.
Guys, thank you.
Living with all these awful creatures...
who never had my back!...
made me really appreciate
you showing up.
Even though I was a total dick,
you never gave up on me.
Because we're not monsters
in a labyrinth, Stan.
We're a family.
Wow.
I've never thought about it that way.
Come on. Let's go home.
FLERMITE: You're not going anywhere!
This is for killing my husband...
I mean flusband!
[ALL SCREAMING]
We're back at the beginning?
Ugh! I can't believe this shit.
Welcome to... Ugh!
Honey, it's gonna be okay.
We live in this labyrinth now.
It's not so bad down here.
Let's get some snacks.
Snacks? This is all garbage.
It leads to the snacks.
You got us out of the labyrinth!
Dad, this is amazing!
[LAUGHS] No, no.
We're just getting snacks.
Now, who wants some Takis?
Dad, we're out of the labyrinth.
You did it! You saved us!
I did? Wait!
I did! I won!
♪ Oh, the taste of your lips,
I'm on a ride ♪
♪ You're toxic, I'm slippin' under ♪
♪ With a taste of a poison paradise ♪
Grunklebean! You've alive!
Of course. That's just how I sleep.
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
♪ And I love what you do ♪
♪ Don't you know that you're toxic? ♪
Is it a problem
that all these monsters
are getting loose?
Probably.
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Bye! Have a beautiful time!