American Dad! (2005–…): Season 13, Episode 14 - One-Woman Swole - full transcript
Francine becomes a bodybuilder; Klaus claims to have invented the high five.
Stan, a new gym opened up on Oak Road.
They're offering a free one-week trial!
They have a pool, all-new equipment,
and a "designated area for old
men to blow-dry their balls."
You had me at old men's balls.
That was the last thing I said.
And the best!
I can't wait to commit to
a new healthy lifestyle.
What? You never commit to anything.
You're a dabbler, Mom.
Yeah, I'm a dabbler.
And now I'm thinking about
dabbling in committing.
You know, when a gym's
trying to get you to sign up,
they'll do anything to keep you happy.
But once you join, you're just
some guy paying 60 bucks a month
to have a place to stop and take
dumps on the way home from work.
So that's why you never go at home.
I was beginning to think
you were a "Westworld."
[Laughing]
[Fly buzzes]
♪♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
I love gym towels.
Each one is the perfect
size to dry one limb.
I'm gonna make a ton of towel swans.
Sir! You have to pay
for those Muscle Milks!
Doin' the free trial, my man!
Hey...
That's enough of that!
Where do they go?
Narrator:
Before the invention of the high-five,
man searched in vain
for a satisfying way
to celebrate victory.
Everything changed in 1977,
with the first-ever recorded high-five.
Oh, the high-five.
Not to toot my own horn but...
I invented that.
...invented by Glenn
Burke and Dusty Baker.
What?!
Glenn and I were at Dodger Stadium
and we stumbled upon
this perfect hand thing
that changed the world.
Lies! I invented the high-five
after passing my drug test
at the 1974 Junior Olympics!
Not according to this IFC documentary.
IFC?! IFC are liars!
Don't call yourself the
Independent Film Channel
and then air "A Very Brady Sequel"!
Hang on, Klaus.
What are you angry about?
IFC or the high-five thing?
Ohhh, the high-five!
I invented that!
Not according to IFC.
Ohhh, don't get me started on IFC!
So, what are you gonna do today?
Probably cool down at the pool,
release some towel swans,
wonder where they go.
If you want results,
you got to stick to your routine.
[Beeps]
Whoops!
Your free trial is over.
Let's just sign you up for paid
membership, get you in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Let me just get my credit
card out of my pocket...
You were right to add HBO Latino, Jeff.
"Schindler's List"
is much less sad when it's in Spanish.
Señor Schindler: Uno mas!
Uno mas muchacho!
[Door slams]
Just because I don't
want to go to the gym
doesn't mean you can't.
But I was really liking going together.
Guess I can't go at all. Uch, so unfair!
Wait a second,
are you using me as an excuse
to stop going to the gym?
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it, Mom?
It kind of sounds like
ceramics class all over again.
I only quit that class because
your dad couldn't get hard if
my hands smelled like clay!
- O... kay.
- How about when you were gonna learn Spanish,
but then you quit because
your kids only speak English
and you wanted to be
able to understand them?
I wanted to communicate with my kids.
Take me away, officer!
Yeah, I was pretty bummed
when you quit writing your
one-woman show, Mrs. S.
I told you,
I haven't lived the ending yet.
That just seems like another excuse.
You know, Mom,
it sounds like Dad has a good point.
It is a good point.
[Gasps] Steve said it, too!
Hear that, hon?
I made a good point about
you being a quitter!
Me! Stan Smith! Good point guy!
Come on, kids!
I say "good," you say "point"! Good!
- Point! - Good!
- Point!
- Good!
- Point!
- Point!
- What?
- Good! - Point!
- Oh! Point!
Good point.
[Crowd cheering]
Announcer: Fans, please welcome
the beloved inventor of the high-five,
toothpick enthusiast Dusty Baker!
Wow!
I am so blessed to see
how the world's embraced
my little iconic gesture...
Klaus: Liar!
Liar!
I invented the high-five!
Whoops, sounds like someone
had a little too much to drink.
Please! How can anyone get
drunk paying $14 a beer?
It's half my disability
check just to catch a buzz!
I'm sorry,
are you mad about the price of beer
or the origin of the high-five?
Ohhh, the high-five!
I invented that!
[Crowd booing]
It's okay, folks!
The high-five is such a
natural expression of joy
that people want to claim
ownership, but truly...
it belongs to all of us.
[Cheers and applause]
Listen, you seem like a good guy.
Why don't I have you over
for a drink, sort this all out?
Buddy, I don't drink, I get wasted!
Yeah-ha!
I'ma piss on your futon! Sigma Chi!
Stan: Jacket material?
Satin's always in style.
Lining?
Satin's always popular.
Font?
Obviously "Laverne & Shirley"
shadow bold.
_
And order.
Three weeks?!
Well, I'll just stay busy.
♪♪
♪♪
- Dad?
- Can't you see I'm busy?!
- _
- Every time!
[Whistling]
I don't see any need to bring
insurance companies into this.
Francine! What's wrong with you?
Did my good point crush your spirit?
You're making me feel
terrible about my new jacket.
Check it out, oh, yeah!
"Good point gay"?
What?!
Are you kidding me?! Really?!
What time is it?
I got to get back to the gym.
But you quit the gym.
I wrote a whole jacket about it.
Ooaaaah!
[Strauss's
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays]
B-b-b-oner from body!
Body give boner!
Beautiful body give baby boner!
Oh, mommy!
Ooaaaah!
- Stan...
- Ooaaaah!
Okay. Explain.
Well, as much as it hurt,
you did have a good point.
I tend to quit things,
and I want to change that.
So I decided to stick with the gym.
And my trainer, Jackie,
has been helping me push past my limits.
Are you even listening to me?
Yeah, yeah, you said,
"Lackie, bleen be mush
mast your glinglets."
Now let's screw!
That was so powerful, Francine.
So special.
I trust it put an end
to those nasty rumors
my jacket's been spreading.
What are you doing?
I'm heading back to the gym.
No, but stay here, though.
Stan, I have to go. It's a leg day.
I called the gym and
they said it's a bed day.
Honey.
Human blanket!
Don't go. You can bwame bwanket.
Stan, I promised myself.
I can't miss my workouts.
[Grunts]
That was a hot slam, Francine!
Hey, Steve, what's up?
Your mom just gave me a hot slam.
Did you feel the house move?
I'm just trying to walk down the hall.
Everything's gold.
That classy sonuvabitch.
[Clap]
[Harp music playing]
Klaus! The fish from the game!
Thank you so much for coming to my home.
Now, listen here, Dusty...
Toothpick for your lamb?
Everything tastes better
with just a hint of tree.
Who cares?!
I want to talk about the high-five.
I invented it. Not you. Are we clear?
I guess we'll just have
to agree to disagree.
[Laughs] It's like Tina
Turner said to me...
Stop!
You know Tina Turner?
She's a dear, dear friend.
Tell me right now... did you smush her?
Klaus, a gentleman never tells.
But I will say,
if I "high-fived" her in an elevator,
it was ♪ Simply the best ♪
Who is this?
What is that?
[Whoosh!]
Where was that there?! Francine!
Roger, who the hell parked
their van in the driveway?
Oh, that's Jackie.
Francine's gym friend.
Oh, there's another
muscle lady in the house?
Yes, there is.
And she's a man!
Well, sort of.
In pursuit of the perfect bikini front,
I trained my penis to
permanently recede into my body.
- How far?
- Out the back.
It looks like he has a tail.
Show him, Jackie.
Francine!
Francine, we need to talk.
Sure, but could you hop on my back?
I need more resistance.
Okay, Francine, I get it, good job.
I don't think you're a quitter anymore.
Now that you've proven me wrong,
can you... quit?
I'm not trying to prove anything to you.
This is for me.
But it's affecting everyone.
The house is a mess,
every meal is some gross shake,
and the last three family movie nights
have been P90X workout videos.
I'm so distracted
I didn't even ask Roger
why he's dressed like a park ranger.
And you just know it's something cool!
Well, I'm not quitting.
Jackie and I just entered
the Langley Falls
Bodybuilding Competition.
So what, you're just gonna
keep doing this forever?
Yes!
Yes! Of course
I can get Francine to quit.
Let's not forget she's
a quitter at heart.
She didn't even get around
to stuffing her Build-A-Bear.
And remember her one-woman show?
_
I just want things the way they were.
All she needs is a little setback.
Like say...
if you and I were to beat them
in the bodybuilding competition.
How are we gonna do that?
She's been training for weeks.
It won't be easy.
Transforming your body
will take dedication.
No time for family, or friends.
I am talking total sacrifice.
- I'm talkin' no sweets, Stan.
- I'm in.
- Did you hear the part about no sweets?
- Yes.
That means no cookies,
you little cookie monster.
- Roger!
- Sorry, I had to test your dedication.
Now I have to test...
how much steroids you
can take in your neck.
Dusty, I got to say,
these have been some of
the best days of my life.
I can't believe I was mad
at you about the high-five.
'Cause now you're like my best friend.
My man!
Can I get a high-five?
Dusty, ow!
What are you doing?
[Whispers] I stole it from you.
I was at the Junior Olympics
when you invented the high-five.
It was so beautiful.
I had to make it mine.
What?
You know how hard it is
to be a famously nice guy
when I'm constantly reminded
that my greatest accomplishment
is a lie?!
Without the high-five,
I'm just a highly respected athlete
who transitioned
perfectly into a vibrant
and fulfilling second
act as a leader of men.
That still sounds pretty good.
To you! The great genius!
Don't you see I hurt?!
So I decided to hurt you.
First by showing you everything
that should've been yours,
and now by taking away
everything you've got!
But you already have the
only great thing I ever did!
What more can you take?!
Well, I could start with...
[German accent] ...your accent.
Now I am German sounding!
[Gasps]
And then I take your whole fish idea.
Who is the fish now?
Finally, I steal from you
the ability to breathe underwater!
[Gulping]
[Gurgling]
Well, I think we both saw that coming.
♪♪
Give it up for Jan and Jim López!
Who's who?
Hard to tell, but fun to guess!
Arms up, pull it down!
Attagirl, Francine!
You're so big!
Roger: You think she's big?
Excuse me, I'm trying to...
If I could just get past.
Thank you... Johnny?
Sorry I thought you were someone else.
'Scuse me. Sorry.
Stan, that was definitely Johnny.
We had sex. Pardon me!
Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah.
You think she's big?!
Ta da!
Boom. Rat braid. Ready to quit?
I cannot believe you would do
this just to get me to quit!
Well, it's only
gonna make me try harder!
You just woke the dragon.
Eeeeh!
I'm sorry,
I don't know what a dragon is.
Please welcome Stan
Smith and Tammy Twopiece!
♪ Dirty South, uh-huh ♪
♪ Can y'all really feel me ♪
♪ East Coast, feel me ♪
♪ West Coast, feel me ♪
♪ Boy, I've been watching you
like the hawk in the sky ♪
♪ That flies and you were my prey ♪
♪ Boy, I promise you
if we keep bumpin' heads ♪
♪ I know that one of these days ♪
♪ We gon' hook it up
while we talk on the phone ♪
♪ But see, I don't know if that's good ♪
♪ I've been holdin'
back this secret from you ♪
♪ I probably shouldn't tell it, but ♪
♪ If I, if I let you know ♪
♪ You can't tell nobody,
I'm talkin' 'bout nobody ♪
[Cheers and applause]
That, ladies and gentlemen,
is what Langley
Bodybuilding is all about!
You'll never beat that.
We can do this!
- No limits!
- No limits!
[Classical music playing]
♪♪
♪♪
We're losing them!
Let's spell it out for them.
Ab-phabet.
♪♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪♪
You can't hold that pose forever!
Oh, yes, I can!
I'll never quit!
[Groaning]
A new vein... gross!
And the judges love it!
I'm absolutely losing my mind here!
♪♪
[Groaning]
Are we about to see the
world's first brain flex?!
♪♪
[Pop!]
[Audience gasps]
_
Francine's extreme exertion
during the competition
caused her to have an aneurysm.
She's in a coma.
This is totally my fault.
If only I hadn't strong-armed my way
into that bodybuilding competition.
Sir, please stop posing.
I can't. This is shaking me to the core!
Stan, snap out of it!
Don't you understand,
Franny's in trouble!
Yah!
[Monitor beeping]
Roger, snap out of it!
These machines are keeping her alive!
Is she gonna live?
Well, that depends.
Is she a fighter?
Hell yeah, she is!
Or... a quitter?
Ewewewoh...
A q-q-quitter, that's, uh,
an interesting word to choose,
given, uh, it's been a-a recent,
uh, bone of contention,
uh, between me and my wife.
Are you guys on drugs?
- Very much.
- Yes. An incredible amount. Yes.
She's unresponsive.
But it doesn't mean she's not in there.
It all began when I was 15.
I begged my mom for a drum
kit and she got it for me.
I was going to be the
world's best female drummer.
Big drum, big drum, middle one,
little one, foot drum,
metal thing, metal thing, no mistakes!
That was my dream.
But instead of practicing,
I got real high.
But this isn't about drugs.
This is about me quitting.
And I quit everything.
Two years later,
I wanted to become a chef.
Chop, chop, sizzle, sizzle!
[Sighs]
Working at Applebee's
is not as glamorous
as it's chopped up to be.
I quit!
Yo soy.
Yo soy.
Tu eres.
Too much!
How do you say "quit" in Spanish?
I don't know.
Are you getting it yet?
So when I started bodybuilding,
I made a promise I wouldn't quit.
But guess what?
My body quit on me.
Isn't that the most Francine
thing you ever heard?
[Growls]
Bingah!
[Babbles]
"Pac-Man" game over sound.
Now, that my body's given up,
maybe it's time for my spirit
to quit, too.
Stan: This is bullshit!
Who's heckling me?!
I'm trying to end this!
It's not over!
Stan?
I'm sorry I made you
feel bad about quitting.
Quitting's not so bad.
It means you have a curious mind.
And you want to taste
everything life has to offer.
Plus, you never quit me.
Even though you probably should have.
I do stupid stuff.
You do do stupid stuff.
Shut the [bleep] up!
Oh, Francine, I can't lose you.
I need you!
Stan... I got to end my show.
Don't do it. Don't go!
If you all think this show's
coming to some exciting conclusion,
you haven't been paying attention.
It ends like everything ends.
With me quitting.
Being in a coma!
Geez! A little warning
next time, Francine!
- She's awake!
- Mommy!
I'm sorry, it's time to pull the
plug and end this morbid charade.
Your wife is never going to...
Oh, she woke up!
I did it again. I saved a life. Yes!
But some sad news.
Earlier today, Dusty Baker drowned
in a giant fish bowl
of his own creation.
Together: No!
Bye-bye! See you soon!
They're offering a free one-week trial!
They have a pool, all-new equipment,
and a "designated area for old
men to blow-dry their balls."
You had me at old men's balls.
That was the last thing I said.
And the best!
I can't wait to commit to
a new healthy lifestyle.
What? You never commit to anything.
You're a dabbler, Mom.
Yeah, I'm a dabbler.
And now I'm thinking about
dabbling in committing.
You know, when a gym's
trying to get you to sign up,
they'll do anything to keep you happy.
But once you join, you're just
some guy paying 60 bucks a month
to have a place to stop and take
dumps on the way home from work.
So that's why you never go at home.
I was beginning to think
you were a "Westworld."
[Laughing]
[Fly buzzes]
♪♪
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
Aah!
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
I love gym towels.
Each one is the perfect
size to dry one limb.
I'm gonna make a ton of towel swans.
Sir! You have to pay
for those Muscle Milks!
Doin' the free trial, my man!
Hey...
That's enough of that!
Where do they go?
Narrator:
Before the invention of the high-five,
man searched in vain
for a satisfying way
to celebrate victory.
Everything changed in 1977,
with the first-ever recorded high-five.
Oh, the high-five.
Not to toot my own horn but...
I invented that.
...invented by Glenn
Burke and Dusty Baker.
What?!
Glenn and I were at Dodger Stadium
and we stumbled upon
this perfect hand thing
that changed the world.
Lies! I invented the high-five
after passing my drug test
at the 1974 Junior Olympics!
Not according to this IFC documentary.
IFC?! IFC are liars!
Don't call yourself the
Independent Film Channel
and then air "A Very Brady Sequel"!
Hang on, Klaus.
What are you angry about?
IFC or the high-five thing?
Ohhh, the high-five!
I invented that!
Not according to IFC.
Ohhh, don't get me started on IFC!
So, what are you gonna do today?
Probably cool down at the pool,
release some towel swans,
wonder where they go.
If you want results,
you got to stick to your routine.
[Beeps]
Whoops!
Your free trial is over.
Let's just sign you up for paid
membership, get you in there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.
Let me just get my credit
card out of my pocket...
You were right to add HBO Latino, Jeff.
"Schindler's List"
is much less sad when it's in Spanish.
Señor Schindler: Uno mas!
Uno mas muchacho!
[Door slams]
Just because I don't
want to go to the gym
doesn't mean you can't.
But I was really liking going together.
Guess I can't go at all. Uch, so unfair!
Wait a second,
are you using me as an excuse
to stop going to the gym?
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it, Mom?
It kind of sounds like
ceramics class all over again.
I only quit that class because
your dad couldn't get hard if
my hands smelled like clay!
- O... kay.
- How about when you were gonna learn Spanish,
but then you quit because
your kids only speak English
and you wanted to be
able to understand them?
I wanted to communicate with my kids.
Take me away, officer!
Yeah, I was pretty bummed
when you quit writing your
one-woman show, Mrs. S.
I told you,
I haven't lived the ending yet.
That just seems like another excuse.
You know, Mom,
it sounds like Dad has a good point.
It is a good point.
[Gasps] Steve said it, too!
Hear that, hon?
I made a good point about
you being a quitter!
Me! Stan Smith! Good point guy!
Come on, kids!
I say "good," you say "point"! Good!
- Point! - Good!
- Point!
- Good!
- Point!
- Point!
- What?
- Good! - Point!
- Oh! Point!
Good point.
[Crowd cheering]
Announcer: Fans, please welcome
the beloved inventor of the high-five,
toothpick enthusiast Dusty Baker!
Wow!
I am so blessed to see
how the world's embraced
my little iconic gesture...
Klaus: Liar!
Liar!
I invented the high-five!
Whoops, sounds like someone
had a little too much to drink.
Please! How can anyone get
drunk paying $14 a beer?
It's half my disability
check just to catch a buzz!
I'm sorry,
are you mad about the price of beer
or the origin of the high-five?
Ohhh, the high-five!
I invented that!
[Crowd booing]
It's okay, folks!
The high-five is such a
natural expression of joy
that people want to claim
ownership, but truly...
it belongs to all of us.
[Cheers and applause]
Listen, you seem like a good guy.
Why don't I have you over
for a drink, sort this all out?
Buddy, I don't drink, I get wasted!
Yeah-ha!
I'ma piss on your futon! Sigma Chi!
Stan: Jacket material?
Satin's always in style.
Lining?
Satin's always popular.
Font?
Obviously "Laverne & Shirley"
shadow bold.
_
And order.
Three weeks?!
Well, I'll just stay busy.
♪♪
♪♪
- Dad?
- Can't you see I'm busy?!
- _
- Every time!
[Whistling]
I don't see any need to bring
insurance companies into this.
Francine! What's wrong with you?
Did my good point crush your spirit?
You're making me feel
terrible about my new jacket.
Check it out, oh, yeah!
"Good point gay"?
What?!
Are you kidding me?! Really?!
What time is it?
I got to get back to the gym.
But you quit the gym.
I wrote a whole jacket about it.
Ooaaaah!
[Strauss's
"Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays]
B-b-b-oner from body!
Body give boner!
Beautiful body give baby boner!
Oh, mommy!
Ooaaaah!
- Stan...
- Ooaaaah!
Okay. Explain.
Well, as much as it hurt,
you did have a good point.
I tend to quit things,
and I want to change that.
So I decided to stick with the gym.
And my trainer, Jackie,
has been helping me push past my limits.
Are you even listening to me?
Yeah, yeah, you said,
"Lackie, bleen be mush
mast your glinglets."
Now let's screw!
That was so powerful, Francine.
So special.
I trust it put an end
to those nasty rumors
my jacket's been spreading.
What are you doing?
I'm heading back to the gym.
No, but stay here, though.
Stan, I have to go. It's a leg day.
I called the gym and
they said it's a bed day.
Honey.
Human blanket!
Don't go. You can bwame bwanket.
Stan, I promised myself.
I can't miss my workouts.
[Grunts]
That was a hot slam, Francine!
Hey, Steve, what's up?
Your mom just gave me a hot slam.
Did you feel the house move?
I'm just trying to walk down the hall.
Everything's gold.
That classy sonuvabitch.
[Clap]
[Harp music playing]
Klaus! The fish from the game!
Thank you so much for coming to my home.
Now, listen here, Dusty...
Toothpick for your lamb?
Everything tastes better
with just a hint of tree.
Who cares?!
I want to talk about the high-five.
I invented it. Not you. Are we clear?
I guess we'll just have
to agree to disagree.
[Laughs] It's like Tina
Turner said to me...
Stop!
You know Tina Turner?
She's a dear, dear friend.
Tell me right now... did you smush her?
Klaus, a gentleman never tells.
But I will say,
if I "high-fived" her in an elevator,
it was ♪ Simply the best ♪
Who is this?
What is that?
[Whoosh!]
Where was that there?! Francine!
Roger, who the hell parked
their van in the driveway?
Oh, that's Jackie.
Francine's gym friend.
Oh, there's another
muscle lady in the house?
Yes, there is.
And she's a man!
Well, sort of.
In pursuit of the perfect bikini front,
I trained my penis to
permanently recede into my body.
- How far?
- Out the back.
It looks like he has a tail.
Show him, Jackie.
Francine!
Francine, we need to talk.
Sure, but could you hop on my back?
I need more resistance.
Okay, Francine, I get it, good job.
I don't think you're a quitter anymore.
Now that you've proven me wrong,
can you... quit?
I'm not trying to prove anything to you.
This is for me.
But it's affecting everyone.
The house is a mess,
every meal is some gross shake,
and the last three family movie nights
have been P90X workout videos.
I'm so distracted
I didn't even ask Roger
why he's dressed like a park ranger.
And you just know it's something cool!
Well, I'm not quitting.
Jackie and I just entered
the Langley Falls
Bodybuilding Competition.
So what, you're just gonna
keep doing this forever?
Yes!
Yes! Of course
I can get Francine to quit.
Let's not forget she's
a quitter at heart.
She didn't even get around
to stuffing her Build-A-Bear.
And remember her one-woman show?
_
I just want things the way they were.
All she needs is a little setback.
Like say...
if you and I were to beat them
in the bodybuilding competition.
How are we gonna do that?
She's been training for weeks.
It won't be easy.
Transforming your body
will take dedication.
No time for family, or friends.
I am talking total sacrifice.
- I'm talkin' no sweets, Stan.
- I'm in.
- Did you hear the part about no sweets?
- Yes.
That means no cookies,
you little cookie monster.
- Roger!
- Sorry, I had to test your dedication.
Now I have to test...
how much steroids you
can take in your neck.
Dusty, I got to say,
these have been some of
the best days of my life.
I can't believe I was mad
at you about the high-five.
'Cause now you're like my best friend.
My man!
Can I get a high-five?
Dusty, ow!
What are you doing?
[Whispers] I stole it from you.
I was at the Junior Olympics
when you invented the high-five.
It was so beautiful.
I had to make it mine.
What?
You know how hard it is
to be a famously nice guy
when I'm constantly reminded
that my greatest accomplishment
is a lie?!
Without the high-five,
I'm just a highly respected athlete
who transitioned
perfectly into a vibrant
and fulfilling second
act as a leader of men.
That still sounds pretty good.
To you! The great genius!
Don't you see I hurt?!
So I decided to hurt you.
First by showing you everything
that should've been yours,
and now by taking away
everything you've got!
But you already have the
only great thing I ever did!
What more can you take?!
Well, I could start with...
[German accent] ...your accent.
Now I am German sounding!
[Gasps]
And then I take your whole fish idea.
Who is the fish now?
Finally, I steal from you
the ability to breathe underwater!
[Gulping]
[Gurgling]
Well, I think we both saw that coming.
♪♪
Give it up for Jan and Jim López!
Who's who?
Hard to tell, but fun to guess!
Arms up, pull it down!
Attagirl, Francine!
You're so big!
Roger: You think she's big?
Excuse me, I'm trying to...
If I could just get past.
Thank you... Johnny?
Sorry I thought you were someone else.
'Scuse me. Sorry.
Stan, that was definitely Johnny.
We had sex. Pardon me!
Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah.
You think she's big?!
Ta da!
Boom. Rat braid. Ready to quit?
I cannot believe you would do
this just to get me to quit!
Well, it's only
gonna make me try harder!
You just woke the dragon.
Eeeeh!
I'm sorry,
I don't know what a dragon is.
Please welcome Stan
Smith and Tammy Twopiece!
♪ Dirty South, uh-huh ♪
♪ Can y'all really feel me ♪
♪ East Coast, feel me ♪
♪ West Coast, feel me ♪
♪ Boy, I've been watching you
like the hawk in the sky ♪
♪ That flies and you were my prey ♪
♪ Boy, I promise you
if we keep bumpin' heads ♪
♪ I know that one of these days ♪
♪ We gon' hook it up
while we talk on the phone ♪
♪ But see, I don't know if that's good ♪
♪ I've been holdin'
back this secret from you ♪
♪ I probably shouldn't tell it, but ♪
♪ If I, if I let you know ♪
♪ You can't tell nobody,
I'm talkin' 'bout nobody ♪
[Cheers and applause]
That, ladies and gentlemen,
is what Langley
Bodybuilding is all about!
You'll never beat that.
We can do this!
- No limits!
- No limits!
[Classical music playing]
♪♪
♪♪
We're losing them!
Let's spell it out for them.
Ab-phabet.
♪♪
[Cheers and applause]
♪♪
You can't hold that pose forever!
Oh, yes, I can!
I'll never quit!
[Groaning]
A new vein... gross!
And the judges love it!
I'm absolutely losing my mind here!
♪♪
[Groaning]
Are we about to see the
world's first brain flex?!
♪♪
[Pop!]
[Audience gasps]
_
Francine's extreme exertion
during the competition
caused her to have an aneurysm.
She's in a coma.
This is totally my fault.
If only I hadn't strong-armed my way
into that bodybuilding competition.
Sir, please stop posing.
I can't. This is shaking me to the core!
Stan, snap out of it!
Don't you understand,
Franny's in trouble!
Yah!
[Monitor beeping]
Roger, snap out of it!
These machines are keeping her alive!
Is she gonna live?
Well, that depends.
Is she a fighter?
Hell yeah, she is!
Or... a quitter?
Ewewewoh...
A q-q-quitter, that's, uh,
an interesting word to choose,
given, uh, it's been a-a recent,
uh, bone of contention,
uh, between me and my wife.
Are you guys on drugs?
- Very much.
- Yes. An incredible amount. Yes.
She's unresponsive.
But it doesn't mean she's not in there.
It all began when I was 15.
I begged my mom for a drum
kit and she got it for me.
I was going to be the
world's best female drummer.
Big drum, big drum, middle one,
little one, foot drum,
metal thing, metal thing, no mistakes!
That was my dream.
But instead of practicing,
I got real high.
But this isn't about drugs.
This is about me quitting.
And I quit everything.
Two years later,
I wanted to become a chef.
Chop, chop, sizzle, sizzle!
[Sighs]
Working at Applebee's
is not as glamorous
as it's chopped up to be.
I quit!
Yo soy.
Yo soy.
Tu eres.
Too much!
How do you say "quit" in Spanish?
I don't know.
Are you getting it yet?
So when I started bodybuilding,
I made a promise I wouldn't quit.
But guess what?
My body quit on me.
Isn't that the most Francine
thing you ever heard?
[Growls]
Bingah!
[Babbles]
"Pac-Man" game over sound.
Now, that my body's given up,
maybe it's time for my spirit
to quit, too.
Stan: This is bullshit!
Who's heckling me?!
I'm trying to end this!
It's not over!
Stan?
I'm sorry I made you
feel bad about quitting.
Quitting's not so bad.
It means you have a curious mind.
And you want to taste
everything life has to offer.
Plus, you never quit me.
Even though you probably should have.
I do stupid stuff.
You do do stupid stuff.
Shut the [bleep] up!
Oh, Francine, I can't lose you.
I need you!
Stan... I got to end my show.
Don't do it. Don't go!
If you all think this show's
coming to some exciting conclusion,
you haven't been paying attention.
It ends like everything ends.
With me quitting.
Being in a coma!
Geez! A little warning
next time, Francine!
- She's awake!
- Mommy!
I'm sorry, it's time to pull the
plug and end this morbid charade.
Your wife is never going to...
Oh, she woke up!
I did it again. I saved a life. Yes!
But some sad news.
Earlier today, Dusty Baker drowned
in a giant fish bowl
of his own creation.
Together: No!
Bye-bye! See you soon!