American Auto (2021–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Millbank, IA - full transcript
.
- Oh, what'd you bring?
Little baggies of snacks,
mini hand sanitizer.
Is this a travel pillow?
- Yeah, I've never
flown private before.
I didn't know what to expect.
- Dude, if you think
the jet's nice,
we gotta take my yacht out.
Catch a tailwind
down the coast.
Modelos, limón,
a warm body at every port.
You would crush.
And I'm there too on the boat.
I see everything.
- Maybe we should wait quietly
until takeoff
and save these conversations
until the engine noise
can drown them out.
- So touchdown in Iowa
and then we tour the warehouse
they're converting
into the Pika factory.
Then we freshen up at the hotel
before a picnic luncheon.
- Oh, great, a picnic. Love
when my food
gets to sweat in the sun
for a few hours.
- Mm, and then
there's the, uh,
official ribbon cutting
ceremony at the end of the day.
- God, these townies really
love a chance
to celebrate, don't they?
- Well, this is the first
factory to open there
since the recession.
It's a lot of new jobs.
They--they want to
express their gratitude.
- Ah, it's nice.
The public never really
liked me when I was CEO
of a drug company.
I don't know why.
- Probably the opioid crisis.
- Maybe.
- Or the price gouging
on prescription drugs.
- You know what?
I was a "girlboss."
That's very tough
for some people.
- Jack, it's a private plane.
You don't need to buckle up.
- Aren't private planes
usually the ones that crash?
- Well, yeah, statistically.
- Little liquid courage?
Take the edge off?
- Oh, no thanks. I am good.
- Your call.
Hey, Captain Stevens,
want a little eye opener?
I already got it--
- You know what? I'll take it.
- Hey, uh, Jack,
take it easy over there.
It's a business trip
not a booze cruise.
- Okay.
- [sing-song]
Someone got in trouble.
- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
- And who do we have here?
- Sharon has been working
nights at the gas station
ever since the plant closed
13 years ago.
- Barely saw my kids
but had to keep 'em fed.
- I am so happy to get you back
on a regular schedule.
- We'll have a night shift too.
- Or the night shift.
It could to go either way.
It might be great
to have your days free.
- And this is Gary.
- Hi there, Gary!
- Hey.
You know, this is huge for me.
I'm gonna get Paramount Plus
and Peacock.
- Wow, kind of
a different perspective
than the whole starving
family thing over here.
- It's kind of cool, huh?
Getting to give
all these people jobs.
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you on Tinder?
- Dude, I'm the namesake
of the company
whose factory
is gonna save this town.
It's like being a god.
How do I not let
some of the local ladies
express their gratitude?
- And you don't think
that's just
a little bit sleazy?
- Jack, you have
to start taking advantage
of the perks of this job.
You see Ted over there?
He's just the head
of manufacturing.
That guy gets so much P.
He's literally drowning in P.
You want in?
- No, I think I'll just
continue with the work day
as planned.
- More P for me.
- Thank you. My daughter's
finally going to get braces.
- You know,
they get a bad rap
but I really didn't mind
having braces.
- Leg braces?
- Uh-huh. Yeah, mm-hmm.
And, hey, you look at me now.
[chuckles]
What is this Polio-ville?
- Mm-hmm.
- I have been hearing
such great things
from Ted for weeks.
With your help, the Payne Pika
will be the most affordable car
on the market.
A car for the people
by the people.
- What's the alternative
to that?
- A car by animals for animals?
- Oh, you've all been so kind.
You know, Millbank
is surrounded by cornfields,
but I'm the one
feeling buttered up.
[all laugh]
- See, that has
the cadence of a joke,
but is that logically sound?
You don't butter up
a cornfield.
- No.
- God, it's nice
to feel that love.
Feels so good to do good
for this town.
- Oh, yeah, these are salt
of the earth people.
- Yeah.
- Simple folk.
And not--not like
in-bred simple.
Simple as in
their internet is slow
and they don't care
about fiction books, you know?
- I'm just realizing how little
face time we've had, Ted.
- It's great to come to
a town and revitalize it, hmm?
First the factory, then
other businesses will follow.
Hip restaurants, you know?
Bars.
- Mm-hmm.
- Good news for any mysterious
pass-through corporations
that have picked up
plots of land here.
"Janus LLC", its namesake,
the two-faced Roman god,
always hiding itself
in the shadows.
- You're saying
you bought land in Millbank.
- One might say that, yes.
- Hmm. And the rest is
you just, like,
playing out some
kingpin real estate fantasy?
- I'm having fun.
It's okay to have fun
at work, Sadie.
- Hey. What do you guys think?
Swipe right?
- Mmm, jeesh,
she looks a little old.
- She's a party girl.
- I'd party too if I
lived through prohibition
- I'm doing it.
"No match." Huh.
- [chuckles]
- Phone must be bricked
or something.
- So how long
you been driving for?
- About 17 years.
- Nice.
Nice, nice. You like it?
- No.
- Hmm.
- How is this
their hospitality suite?
- The upholstery
is weirdly crunchy.
- That was the couch?
I thought you had Skittles
in your pocket or something.
- Oh, this is all gonna change.
Pretty soon developers
are gonna come in,
put up luxury hotels.
And you know who profits?
Why, the local landowners.
[chuckles]
- You wanna hear
something funny?
The government of Bolvaria
just submitted their bid
for the factory.
- This factory.
The one we're opening here?
- A bit late
to the party, Bolvaria.
- Ugh, that's all of Eastern
Europe.
I heard
they're just discovering
Kate & Allie over there.
- Where is Bolvaria, anyway?
- Between Albania
and North Macedonia.
- Zoom out a little bit for me.
- Next to Montenegro.
- Oh, right.
- And then in Bosnia
and Herzegovina.
- Bosnia,
we bombed them in the '90s.
Kicked the [bleep] out of them,
or saved them.
We definitely helped
some of them.
- In Hungary, Slovakia,
the Czech Republic, Germany.
- Oh, yeah, Germany.
I love Germany.
Oh, I mean, obviously now.
Not--you know.
I mean, kind of have
to say that nowadays, though.
- These numbers
are extremely competitive.
- Oh, really? Huh.
That's um--
how is that possible?
- Toyota just pulled
out of the facility.
They're trying to fill it ASAP.
- Well, I mean,
I wish that they could have
made this offer
a few months ago.
Little late now.
Right?
- Uh, to move locations
for the factory
that's already staffed
where we're cutting the ribbon
in roughly six hours?
Yeah, it is.
It's a little on the late side.
- Yeah, this country
doesn't sound
that great anyway.
"Semi-autocratic,
impoverished, and riddled
with human rights abuses."
- But just to put it
out there, we'd save tens,
hundreds of millions of dollars
over the production run.
- I like how they make
the workers stand in formation,
blank faces. It's a clean look.
- See if they're around
a teleconference.
I'm just gonna, you know,
thank them and let them know
that it's, you know,
not gonna work out.
- I think
an email rejection is fine.
- Well, let's keep it
professional, you know.
I just wanna
preserve company relations
with Slovanmiria, uh, Europe.
.
- I have to say you have
put together quite
the presentations, Gene.
Unfortunately,
we have already gone down
the road here in America.
- I wish we could have
come to the table earlier.
But we'd be willing
to reimburse you
100% of what you have
spent there
plus what it would
cost to move.
- 100%.
Wow, that's
the most percents possible.
- Hey, the Bolivarian
National Zoo
is advertised
as "full service."
What is that?
What do you think that means?
- Listen,
you've got a compelling pitch.
I respect that.
- Ask about human rights.
- And ask
if the zoo has any rules.
- But Gene,
I have heard some rumors
about some troubling things.
Jailing reporters,
overzealous police forces,
real red flags, and I'm not
afraid
to hold your feet
to the fire here.
Are there any human
rights abuses
that I need to know about?
- No.
- Well, that's a relief.
All right,
well, thank you for your time.
Anything else on our end, guys?
- What is a full service zoo?
- Wesley wants to know
if he can [bleep]
the elephants at the zoo.
- No? Great. Okay, good.
All right,
well, thank you so much.
Talk soon.
Interesting, huh?
- Lot of money.
- Yeah, I thought so too.
I mean, we--
we are like minded there.
Yeah, I mean, obviously,
we can't do it.
But whoo!
Gosh, that is interesting.
Yeah.
Have we signed anything here?
- We can't really
be considering this.
- We're just
talking theoretically.
I mean, this is
a theoretical conversation.
- Whoa,
why'd you lock the door?
- I thought
we might want some privacy.
- We're just
having a conversation.
Anyone can participate.
Anyone can listen.
Maybe keep it locked, though.
That's--
- I'll say it.
We have to move the factory.
We're trying to make
a $10,000 car.
If we relocate, we could put
the money we save on labor
into things like, I don't know,
brakes that work
and engines that don't explode.
And would not that be nice?
- Right, for sure.
But Millbank is good too.
Lots of opportunities here.
At worst,
I'm on the fence, at worst.
- But think about
the optics if we pull out.
- Ah! "Pull out!"
Come on, she--it's a layup.
- The headline will read,
"Payne abandons
desperate American town."
- I mean,
but what is America really
when you think about it?
You know, is it a place?
Is it--is it confined
by--by borders?
- Hell yeah, USA!
- Okay, hold on, hold on.
I was--wait for me to get
where I was going with--
I lost it. Sorry.
- This is the kind of thing
that hurts your image.
And morally, what about
the human rights abuses?
Do we really wanna support
that kind of government?
- Yes, okay,
but if the government
even is doing anything bad--
- And Gene was very strong in
convincing that they weren't.
- That part
is out of our control.
So the citizens over there
can either be oppressed
or be oppressed
with jobs that pay well,
by Bolvarian standards.
- I mean, that is
kind of hard to argue with.
It really does make sense.
- So you're okay
just screwing over
all these families?
I'm--I'm sorry,
and maybe I'm out of line,
but you wanted me to be
the voice of the workers.
So that's exactly
what I'm being.
I know firsthand
how important these jobs are
to these families.
They're depending on us.
- Very well said, Jack.
Plus, we should keep in mind
the ripple effect
that this would have on people
who have invested
in the local economy.
- Yeah, everyone's
keeping that in mind.
- Cool. Good.
- I get that
this is personal for you.
But tell me,
is an American's life
worth more than
a foreigner's life to you?
- No, that's--
- That's a tough look, man.
- No matter what we do, certain
people will benefit
and certain people
will get hurt.
I'd say it's zero sum
except for one option
benefits the company
which if you think about it,
it's kind of the point
of our jobs.
- Wow.
Big change of plans
for Millbank
and its community leaders
and business owners.
Okay.
- So we do have to put out
a statement at some point.
Do we just say it was
a financial decision?
- Ugh, isn't there
a better way to frame it?
I mean, we're just gonna sound
like some heartless corporation
that only cares
about the bottom line.
- [chuckles]
Now why would they think that?
Sorry.
- I'm not happy
about it either.
I mean, I was just getting
used to being the hero.
Now, everybody here
is gonna hate my guts.
- Everyone loves you, ma'am.
- Oh, thank you so much, sir!
We are having a private meeting
back here though, so--
Shouldn't a business van come
with some sort of divider wall?
You know what?
Get that idea down, Cyrus.
That's good.
- You want me
to write down "wall?"
- "Divider wall."
- Got it.
- I'm just not sure
how else to frame it.
I mean, now that
everyone's jobs are going away,
they'll have more time
for hobbies?
- It'll be better
for the environment.
If you saw all the hoops
we had to jump through
to open the factory
in the first place.
Groundwater surveys,
carbon capture certs.
It's a miracle they haven't
backed out already.
- Wait, what
do you mean by backed out?
They can ask us to leave?
- Yeah, I mean,
yeah, if they wanted.
We had to persuade them
we'd be
"good environmental partners."
- Oh, well,
let's un-persuade them.
Let it get out that
we might not be as eco-friendly
as we said, you know.
I mean, that way
we're not leaving them,
they're leaving us.
- So basically,
you want us to be
the girl
who's so chicken [bleep]
breaking up with her boyfriend
that would just rather
act toxic and make him dump us?
- Exactly, that is
a great way of putting it.
Thank you so much, Sadie.
All right, people,
let's get toxic!
- Oh, yeah, that's a little
on the nose, Wesley,
but great idea.
- What?
I didn't get any of that.
I'm listening to Maron.
He's in one of his moods.
.
- Katherine Hastings,
Tom Harper.
Welcome to the great state
of Iowa.
- Governor Harper,
what a pleasure.
It is a beautiful state.
Well, you know,
there's an old legend
that the word Iowa
comes from the Native word
for "beautiful."
- Well, that is apt.
That is very, very apt
because it is a beautiful,
pristine piece of land.
I mean, you should see
some of the areas
around our other factories.
Oh, yowsa. [chuckles]
- Unload it all.
Get whatever you can get.
If we take a loss,
then it's your commission.
Actually, hold on.
Anyone here have an interest
in buying a strip mall?
Forget it. Yep, dump it all.
- Jeannette Watts
from "The Gazette?"
- Yes.
- Sadie Ryan from Payne.
We spoke on the phone.
- Oh, yes, hi.
Nice to meet you in person.
- Yeah.
Doing a big pie exposé, huh?
- Oh, Millbank's a small town.
This could be
a six-part series.
- Well, I have something
that I think
you might be interested in.
This is on deep background
but there's a rumor
that our water contaminant
numbers
might be a bit fudged.
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
No one can know that I am
the one that told you that.
- Got it.
Well, don't worry
I won't say anything.
- Thank you.
You mean you won't write
that I was the source.
- I won't write
anything at all.
My lips are sealed.
- Hi. Are you Wesley Payne?
- The one and only.
- I just wanna say
we're all so grateful
that you're coming here.
It has been a rough few years
and it means everything.
- Look, you are pretty,
but just gonna be honest,
I'm not a huge fan of freckles.
So I'm gonna do a lap
and see what other talent's
out there
but maybe
I'll circle back around.
Cool?
- O--okay.
- It's not a no just--
you're on the waitlist,
young lady.
Not too young. Not--
- Hey.
- Hey, Jack.
You having a good time?
- Uh, not really.
I just keep feeling like
some type of evil overlord
or something who doesn't care
about the commoners.
- Mm. I'm thinking about
buying a castle.
Bolverian real estate prices
are gonna surge
when we announce this move.
So if you're interested,
get in now.
- Yeah, I don't think
I'm a castle type of a guy.
- Jack, every Black man
is a castle type of guy.
Maybe one for your mom?
- So listen,
anything you need at any time,
just call, okay?
Help cleaning up red tape,
dealing with regulators,
whatever you need.
- I appreciate that.
Because as you know,
there were quite a few concerns
with the environmental impact
of our factory.
- Yeah, well, that's
the "green beans" for ya.
You know, I'm telling you,
they would trade
8,000 well-paying jobs
if it disturbs the beauty sleep
of, you know,
some subspecies of snail.
- Although, some of their
concerns are totally crazy,
the smog and with the chemicals
we use in our paint,
there have been cancer
clusters.
- Hey, hey.
No, no, I didn't hear that.
No, no, see, I don't know
what I don't know.
- Yeah, but I'm just
telling you.
- Nothing! Nothing.
You're--you're not
telling me anything.
Because see,
we're just--we're friends
and we're chatting
about the weather, right?
- Yes. It is--
it's beautiful weather.
Although it won't be for long.
You know with
the carbon dioxide--
- ♪ She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes ♪
both: ♪ She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes ♪
- Sorry, just to be clear,
you can report that story
just don't say that
it came from me.
- Oh, that's okay.
I wouldn't want you to get
in trouble if it got out.
You seem nice.
- Mm-hmm.
But what I'm telling you
could be huge,
like Watergate huge.
- I know. Thank you for
trusting me.
My lips are sealed.
- No, no.
- Oh, my God.
This is supposed to be
a blind bake.
Susan's name is on the tin.
- And based on an old legend,
the word Iowa comes from the
Native word for "beautiful."
And I cannot think
of anything more beautiful
than 8,000 new jobs!
- Any luck?
- Let's just say
the local press
isn't exactly
Woodward and Bernstein.
- I told a few families
that the runoff
from the factory
could lead to smaller penis
sizes for newborns.
They didn't care.
- What is wrong
with this town?
- Environment's
been politicized, you know.
This is something only
coastal elites care about now.
"Liberal cucks," you know?
- Or maybe
they're just desperate.
Hey, when you've been
out of work for a year,
hole in the ozone
does not seem that important.
- Whatever happened
to that hole?
We just stopped
talking about it.
- You know, it's true.
We might as well be threatening
to take away their
"New Yorker" subscriptions.
I mean, we need to focus on
what these people care about.
- It's not their kids' penises,
I'll tell you that.
- Yo.
- [gasps]
- It's cool, it's me.
So no guarantees,
but I did a loop
and I think
it's looking good for you.
- What's looking good?
- [chuckles] Right.
"What's looking good?"
I like it. I like that.
You're trouble.
You know, if you wore
a wide brimmed hat
it might help with the
freckles.
I don't know, see a derm.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
- Katherine Hastings!
[cheers and applause]
- Oh, gosh, you know,
it's funny,
Millbank
is surrounded by cornfields
but I'm the one
feeling buttered up.
[laughter]
- Are you enjoying that?
- The situation
will not be helped
by me not eating corn.
- This factory
will bring jobs...
[cheers and applause]
But something else too, change.
We all love change, right?
Boba shops
and cannabis dispensaries
and ethnic small plate
restaurants.
"Tapas," we call 'em.
[cheers and applause]
- Tapas!
[cheers and applause]
- Okay.
Plus, new--new types of people,
of all races and faiths.
Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims.
There could be a mosque
on every street corner
right here in Millbank.
[cheers and applause]
- What is this? Berkeley?
- A well-paying job can get you
real progressive real fast.
- And yes, of course
there will be homeless people,
and with them, methadone
clinics and needle exchanges
and pop-up abortion sites.
But I say if you don't want
that in your backyard,
you don't want Payne
in your front yard.
[cheers and applause]
And also Antifa.
.
- When I think of all the
inspectors I bribed
over the years to look
the other way about something,
none of it mattered.
They wouldn't have
kicked us out no matter what.
It was just a waste of money.
- Honestly, it's gross.
Where's their xenophobia?
Their fear of anything
different?
All they care about
is their jobs.
They're hypocrites.
- If you think about it,
being a hypocrite
is the worst thing you can be.
You have to think
about it hard though.
It's definitely not intuitive.
- How are we gonna
handle the ribbon cutting?
- We should
just skip it and go home.
- Wait, so we're
gonna ghost the entire town?
- Yeah, I mean,
we could spit in their food
and they wouldn't care.
I mean, we need to cut and run.
Sir, could you take us
to the airfield, please?
- Sure thing.
Are you saying you're
not gonna make cars here?
- I'm sorry,
but could you not eavesdrop?
It's not entirely your fault.
There's no divider wall here,
but take some
personal responsibility.
- Can't believe
we had to leave early.
I'm so on with this cute chick.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
I mean, there was
definitely a freckle issue
but with some heavy foundation,
it would have been fine.
- You know,
I was drowning in P.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Hey, you okay?
- Just sucks, you know?
All their jobs are going away
and we're sitting here
on a private jet
having cocktails.
- Yeah, I know.
I grew up in a town like this
and my dad just went from
one factory job to the next.
Oh, did you think
you're the only one
without a trust fund?
This is the job.
Like, it's private jets
and hard decisions.
You just gotta suck it up
and deal with the guilt
in your own time.
- You can do that?
- Uh, 9:00 till 6:00,
I am a robot.
After 6:00,
I am dangerously unstable.
A depressing shell of a human.
- Hey guys, can someone
put on the news?
- Yeah.
- These shocking images
from the small European
nation of Bolvaria,
where a coup in progress
has already been called
"A Thousand Bloody Nights."
- Well,
that's not great for us.
Captain Stevens,
turn the plane around, please.
- You can meet up
with that girl.
- Ah, better not.
I'm actually
pretty numb down there,
so it takes me
forever to do it.
- Jack,
you must be happy, right?
Staying in Millbank.
You got a win.
- Yeah, I guess all's
well that ends well.
- Oh, look,
they're executing
their country's intelligentsia
in the streets.
- Oh, there's Gene.
There are too many people
to thank
for making today possible.
You know, it's funny,
Millbank is surrounded
by cornfields,
but I'm the one feeling
buttered up.
- Mm, tough crowd.
- Yep, I think our van driver
might've leaked that
we almost abandoned the town.
- Just sell the castle!
Get whatever you
can get for it.
What do you mean
it's been "nationalized?"
- Is there
any truth to the rumors
that you were in talks
with Bolvaria
and had planned
to pull out of Millbank?
- [laughs]
"Pull out?" Come on.
I can't be the only one
hearing this stuff.
- Uh, no, I don't know
where those rumors came from.
And obviously our hearts go out
to the good people of Bolvaria.
- The insurgents
or the dictatorship?
- Uh, the--the good people,
you know, on both sides.
I mean, you know, we just hope
that they find common ground
once the butchering
is completed--
the alleged butchering
on, you know, both sides of--
I think let's get to the--
- Yeah.
Yah! [imitates gun cocking]
- Do that now.
Great, here we go. [laughs]
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, Millbank.
[munching noises]
- Don't do that anymore.
- PAC-MAN?
- Oh, what'd you bring?
Little baggies of snacks,
mini hand sanitizer.
Is this a travel pillow?
- Yeah, I've never
flown private before.
I didn't know what to expect.
- Dude, if you think
the jet's nice,
we gotta take my yacht out.
Catch a tailwind
down the coast.
Modelos, limón,
a warm body at every port.
You would crush.
And I'm there too on the boat.
I see everything.
- Maybe we should wait quietly
until takeoff
and save these conversations
until the engine noise
can drown them out.
- So touchdown in Iowa
and then we tour the warehouse
they're converting
into the Pika factory.
Then we freshen up at the hotel
before a picnic luncheon.
- Oh, great, a picnic. Love
when my food
gets to sweat in the sun
for a few hours.
- Mm, and then
there's the, uh,
official ribbon cutting
ceremony at the end of the day.
- God, these townies really
love a chance
to celebrate, don't they?
- Well, this is the first
factory to open there
since the recession.
It's a lot of new jobs.
They--they want to
express their gratitude.
- Ah, it's nice.
The public never really
liked me when I was CEO
of a drug company.
I don't know why.
- Probably the opioid crisis.
- Maybe.
- Or the price gouging
on prescription drugs.
- You know what?
I was a "girlboss."
That's very tough
for some people.
- Jack, it's a private plane.
You don't need to buckle up.
- Aren't private planes
usually the ones that crash?
- Well, yeah, statistically.
- Little liquid courage?
Take the edge off?
- Oh, no thanks. I am good.
- Your call.
Hey, Captain Stevens,
want a little eye opener?
I already got it--
- You know what? I'll take it.
- Hey, uh, Jack,
take it easy over there.
It's a business trip
not a booze cruise.
- Okay.
- [sing-song]
Someone got in trouble.
- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
[chorus vocalizing]
- And who do we have here?
- Sharon has been working
nights at the gas station
ever since the plant closed
13 years ago.
- Barely saw my kids
but had to keep 'em fed.
- I am so happy to get you back
on a regular schedule.
- We'll have a night shift too.
- Or the night shift.
It could to go either way.
It might be great
to have your days free.
- And this is Gary.
- Hi there, Gary!
- Hey.
You know, this is huge for me.
I'm gonna get Paramount Plus
and Peacock.
- Wow, kind of
a different perspective
than the whole starving
family thing over here.
- It's kind of cool, huh?
Getting to give
all these people jobs.
- Mm-hmm.
- Are you on Tinder?
- Dude, I'm the namesake
of the company
whose factory
is gonna save this town.
It's like being a god.
How do I not let
some of the local ladies
express their gratitude?
- And you don't think
that's just
a little bit sleazy?
- Jack, you have
to start taking advantage
of the perks of this job.
You see Ted over there?
He's just the head
of manufacturing.
That guy gets so much P.
He's literally drowning in P.
You want in?
- No, I think I'll just
continue with the work day
as planned.
- More P for me.
- Thank you. My daughter's
finally going to get braces.
- You know,
they get a bad rap
but I really didn't mind
having braces.
- Leg braces?
- Uh-huh. Yeah, mm-hmm.
And, hey, you look at me now.
[chuckles]
What is this Polio-ville?
- Mm-hmm.
- I have been hearing
such great things
from Ted for weeks.
With your help, the Payne Pika
will be the most affordable car
on the market.
A car for the people
by the people.
- What's the alternative
to that?
- A car by animals for animals?
- Oh, you've all been so kind.
You know, Millbank
is surrounded by cornfields,
but I'm the one
feeling buttered up.
[all laugh]
- See, that has
the cadence of a joke,
but is that logically sound?
You don't butter up
a cornfield.
- No.
- God, it's nice
to feel that love.
Feels so good to do good
for this town.
- Oh, yeah, these are salt
of the earth people.
- Yeah.
- Simple folk.
And not--not like
in-bred simple.
Simple as in
their internet is slow
and they don't care
about fiction books, you know?
- I'm just realizing how little
face time we've had, Ted.
- It's great to come to
a town and revitalize it, hmm?
First the factory, then
other businesses will follow.
Hip restaurants, you know?
Bars.
- Mm-hmm.
- Good news for any mysterious
pass-through corporations
that have picked up
plots of land here.
"Janus LLC", its namesake,
the two-faced Roman god,
always hiding itself
in the shadows.
- You're saying
you bought land in Millbank.
- One might say that, yes.
- Hmm. And the rest is
you just, like,
playing out some
kingpin real estate fantasy?
- I'm having fun.
It's okay to have fun
at work, Sadie.
- Hey. What do you guys think?
Swipe right?
- Mmm, jeesh,
she looks a little old.
- She's a party girl.
- I'd party too if I
lived through prohibition
- I'm doing it.
"No match." Huh.
- [chuckles]
- Phone must be bricked
or something.
- So how long
you been driving for?
- About 17 years.
- Nice.
Nice, nice. You like it?
- No.
- Hmm.
- How is this
their hospitality suite?
- The upholstery
is weirdly crunchy.
- That was the couch?
I thought you had Skittles
in your pocket or something.
- Oh, this is all gonna change.
Pretty soon developers
are gonna come in,
put up luxury hotels.
And you know who profits?
Why, the local landowners.
[chuckles]
- You wanna hear
something funny?
The government of Bolvaria
just submitted their bid
for the factory.
- This factory.
The one we're opening here?
- A bit late
to the party, Bolvaria.
- Ugh, that's all of Eastern
Europe.
I heard
they're just discovering
Kate & Allie over there.
- Where is Bolvaria, anyway?
- Between Albania
and North Macedonia.
- Zoom out a little bit for me.
- Next to Montenegro.
- Oh, right.
- And then in Bosnia
and Herzegovina.
- Bosnia,
we bombed them in the '90s.
Kicked the [bleep] out of them,
or saved them.
We definitely helped
some of them.
- In Hungary, Slovakia,
the Czech Republic, Germany.
- Oh, yeah, Germany.
I love Germany.
Oh, I mean, obviously now.
Not--you know.
I mean, kind of have
to say that nowadays, though.
- These numbers
are extremely competitive.
- Oh, really? Huh.
That's um--
how is that possible?
- Toyota just pulled
out of the facility.
They're trying to fill it ASAP.
- Well, I mean,
I wish that they could have
made this offer
a few months ago.
Little late now.
Right?
- Uh, to move locations
for the factory
that's already staffed
where we're cutting the ribbon
in roughly six hours?
Yeah, it is.
It's a little on the late side.
- Yeah, this country
doesn't sound
that great anyway.
"Semi-autocratic,
impoverished, and riddled
with human rights abuses."
- But just to put it
out there, we'd save tens,
hundreds of millions of dollars
over the production run.
- I like how they make
the workers stand in formation,
blank faces. It's a clean look.
- See if they're around
a teleconference.
I'm just gonna, you know,
thank them and let them know
that it's, you know,
not gonna work out.
- I think
an email rejection is fine.
- Well, let's keep it
professional, you know.
I just wanna
preserve company relations
with Slovanmiria, uh, Europe.
.
- I have to say you have
put together quite
the presentations, Gene.
Unfortunately,
we have already gone down
the road here in America.
- I wish we could have
come to the table earlier.
But we'd be willing
to reimburse you
100% of what you have
spent there
plus what it would
cost to move.
- 100%.
Wow, that's
the most percents possible.
- Hey, the Bolivarian
National Zoo
is advertised
as "full service."
What is that?
What do you think that means?
- Listen,
you've got a compelling pitch.
I respect that.
- Ask about human rights.
- And ask
if the zoo has any rules.
- But Gene,
I have heard some rumors
about some troubling things.
Jailing reporters,
overzealous police forces,
real red flags, and I'm not
afraid
to hold your feet
to the fire here.
Are there any human
rights abuses
that I need to know about?
- No.
- Well, that's a relief.
All right,
well, thank you for your time.
Anything else on our end, guys?
- What is a full service zoo?
- Wesley wants to know
if he can [bleep]
the elephants at the zoo.
- No? Great. Okay, good.
All right,
well, thank you so much.
Talk soon.
Interesting, huh?
- Lot of money.
- Yeah, I thought so too.
I mean, we--
we are like minded there.
Yeah, I mean, obviously,
we can't do it.
But whoo!
Gosh, that is interesting.
Yeah.
Have we signed anything here?
- We can't really
be considering this.
- We're just
talking theoretically.
I mean, this is
a theoretical conversation.
- Whoa,
why'd you lock the door?
- I thought
we might want some privacy.
- We're just
having a conversation.
Anyone can participate.
Anyone can listen.
Maybe keep it locked, though.
That's--
- I'll say it.
We have to move the factory.
We're trying to make
a $10,000 car.
If we relocate, we could put
the money we save on labor
into things like, I don't know,
brakes that work
and engines that don't explode.
And would not that be nice?
- Right, for sure.
But Millbank is good too.
Lots of opportunities here.
At worst,
I'm on the fence, at worst.
- But think about
the optics if we pull out.
- Ah! "Pull out!"
Come on, she--it's a layup.
- The headline will read,
"Payne abandons
desperate American town."
- I mean,
but what is America really
when you think about it?
You know, is it a place?
Is it--is it confined
by--by borders?
- Hell yeah, USA!
- Okay, hold on, hold on.
I was--wait for me to get
where I was going with--
I lost it. Sorry.
- This is the kind of thing
that hurts your image.
And morally, what about
the human rights abuses?
Do we really wanna support
that kind of government?
- Yes, okay,
but if the government
even is doing anything bad--
- And Gene was very strong in
convincing that they weren't.
- That part
is out of our control.
So the citizens over there
can either be oppressed
or be oppressed
with jobs that pay well,
by Bolvarian standards.
- I mean, that is
kind of hard to argue with.
It really does make sense.
- So you're okay
just screwing over
all these families?
I'm--I'm sorry,
and maybe I'm out of line,
but you wanted me to be
the voice of the workers.
So that's exactly
what I'm being.
I know firsthand
how important these jobs are
to these families.
They're depending on us.
- Very well said, Jack.
Plus, we should keep in mind
the ripple effect
that this would have on people
who have invested
in the local economy.
- Yeah, everyone's
keeping that in mind.
- Cool. Good.
- I get that
this is personal for you.
But tell me,
is an American's life
worth more than
a foreigner's life to you?
- No, that's--
- That's a tough look, man.
- No matter what we do, certain
people will benefit
and certain people
will get hurt.
I'd say it's zero sum
except for one option
benefits the company
which if you think about it,
it's kind of the point
of our jobs.
- Wow.
Big change of plans
for Millbank
and its community leaders
and business owners.
Okay.
- So we do have to put out
a statement at some point.
Do we just say it was
a financial decision?
- Ugh, isn't there
a better way to frame it?
I mean, we're just gonna sound
like some heartless corporation
that only cares
about the bottom line.
- [chuckles]
Now why would they think that?
Sorry.
- I'm not happy
about it either.
I mean, I was just getting
used to being the hero.
Now, everybody here
is gonna hate my guts.
- Everyone loves you, ma'am.
- Oh, thank you so much, sir!
We are having a private meeting
back here though, so--
Shouldn't a business van come
with some sort of divider wall?
You know what?
Get that idea down, Cyrus.
That's good.
- You want me
to write down "wall?"
- "Divider wall."
- Got it.
- I'm just not sure
how else to frame it.
I mean, now that
everyone's jobs are going away,
they'll have more time
for hobbies?
- It'll be better
for the environment.
If you saw all the hoops
we had to jump through
to open the factory
in the first place.
Groundwater surveys,
carbon capture certs.
It's a miracle they haven't
backed out already.
- Wait, what
do you mean by backed out?
They can ask us to leave?
- Yeah, I mean,
yeah, if they wanted.
We had to persuade them
we'd be
"good environmental partners."
- Oh, well,
let's un-persuade them.
Let it get out that
we might not be as eco-friendly
as we said, you know.
I mean, that way
we're not leaving them,
they're leaving us.
- So basically,
you want us to be
the girl
who's so chicken [bleep]
breaking up with her boyfriend
that would just rather
act toxic and make him dump us?
- Exactly, that is
a great way of putting it.
Thank you so much, Sadie.
All right, people,
let's get toxic!
- Oh, yeah, that's a little
on the nose, Wesley,
but great idea.
- What?
I didn't get any of that.
I'm listening to Maron.
He's in one of his moods.
.
- Katherine Hastings,
Tom Harper.
Welcome to the great state
of Iowa.
- Governor Harper,
what a pleasure.
It is a beautiful state.
Well, you know,
there's an old legend
that the word Iowa
comes from the Native word
for "beautiful."
- Well, that is apt.
That is very, very apt
because it is a beautiful,
pristine piece of land.
I mean, you should see
some of the areas
around our other factories.
Oh, yowsa. [chuckles]
- Unload it all.
Get whatever you can get.
If we take a loss,
then it's your commission.
Actually, hold on.
Anyone here have an interest
in buying a strip mall?
Forget it. Yep, dump it all.
- Jeannette Watts
from "The Gazette?"
- Yes.
- Sadie Ryan from Payne.
We spoke on the phone.
- Oh, yes, hi.
Nice to meet you in person.
- Yeah.
Doing a big pie exposé, huh?
- Oh, Millbank's a small town.
This could be
a six-part series.
- Well, I have something
that I think
you might be interested in.
This is on deep background
but there's a rumor
that our water contaminant
numbers
might be a bit fudged.
- No.
- Mm-hmm.
No one can know that I am
the one that told you that.
- Got it.
Well, don't worry
I won't say anything.
- Thank you.
You mean you won't write
that I was the source.
- I won't write
anything at all.
My lips are sealed.
- Hi. Are you Wesley Payne?
- The one and only.
- I just wanna say
we're all so grateful
that you're coming here.
It has been a rough few years
and it means everything.
- Look, you are pretty,
but just gonna be honest,
I'm not a huge fan of freckles.
So I'm gonna do a lap
and see what other talent's
out there
but maybe
I'll circle back around.
Cool?
- O--okay.
- It's not a no just--
you're on the waitlist,
young lady.
Not too young. Not--
- Hey.
- Hey, Jack.
You having a good time?
- Uh, not really.
I just keep feeling like
some type of evil overlord
or something who doesn't care
about the commoners.
- Mm. I'm thinking about
buying a castle.
Bolverian real estate prices
are gonna surge
when we announce this move.
So if you're interested,
get in now.
- Yeah, I don't think
I'm a castle type of a guy.
- Jack, every Black man
is a castle type of guy.
Maybe one for your mom?
- So listen,
anything you need at any time,
just call, okay?
Help cleaning up red tape,
dealing with regulators,
whatever you need.
- I appreciate that.
Because as you know,
there were quite a few concerns
with the environmental impact
of our factory.
- Yeah, well, that's
the "green beans" for ya.
You know, I'm telling you,
they would trade
8,000 well-paying jobs
if it disturbs the beauty sleep
of, you know,
some subspecies of snail.
- Although, some of their
concerns are totally crazy,
the smog and with the chemicals
we use in our paint,
there have been cancer
clusters.
- Hey, hey.
No, no, I didn't hear that.
No, no, see, I don't know
what I don't know.
- Yeah, but I'm just
telling you.
- Nothing! Nothing.
You're--you're not
telling me anything.
Because see,
we're just--we're friends
and we're chatting
about the weather, right?
- Yes. It is--
it's beautiful weather.
Although it won't be for long.
You know with
the carbon dioxide--
- ♪ She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes ♪
both: ♪ She'll be coming around
the mountain when she comes ♪
- Sorry, just to be clear,
you can report that story
just don't say that
it came from me.
- Oh, that's okay.
I wouldn't want you to get
in trouble if it got out.
You seem nice.
- Mm-hmm.
But what I'm telling you
could be huge,
like Watergate huge.
- I know. Thank you for
trusting me.
My lips are sealed.
- No, no.
- Oh, my God.
This is supposed to be
a blind bake.
Susan's name is on the tin.
- And based on an old legend,
the word Iowa comes from the
Native word for "beautiful."
And I cannot think
of anything more beautiful
than 8,000 new jobs!
- Any luck?
- Let's just say
the local press
isn't exactly
Woodward and Bernstein.
- I told a few families
that the runoff
from the factory
could lead to smaller penis
sizes for newborns.
They didn't care.
- What is wrong
with this town?
- Environment's
been politicized, you know.
This is something only
coastal elites care about now.
"Liberal cucks," you know?
- Or maybe
they're just desperate.
Hey, when you've been
out of work for a year,
hole in the ozone
does not seem that important.
- Whatever happened
to that hole?
We just stopped
talking about it.
- You know, it's true.
We might as well be threatening
to take away their
"New Yorker" subscriptions.
I mean, we need to focus on
what these people care about.
- It's not their kids' penises,
I'll tell you that.
- Yo.
- [gasps]
- It's cool, it's me.
So no guarantees,
but I did a loop
and I think
it's looking good for you.
- What's looking good?
- [chuckles] Right.
"What's looking good?"
I like it. I like that.
You're trouble.
You know, if you wore
a wide brimmed hat
it might help with the
freckles.
I don't know, see a derm.
Excuse me. Pardon me.
- Katherine Hastings!
[cheers and applause]
- Oh, gosh, you know,
it's funny,
Millbank
is surrounded by cornfields
but I'm the one
feeling buttered up.
[laughter]
- Are you enjoying that?
- The situation
will not be helped
by me not eating corn.
- This factory
will bring jobs...
[cheers and applause]
But something else too, change.
We all love change, right?
Boba shops
and cannabis dispensaries
and ethnic small plate
restaurants.
"Tapas," we call 'em.
[cheers and applause]
- Tapas!
[cheers and applause]
- Okay.
Plus, new--new types of people,
of all races and faiths.
Hindus, Sikhs, Muslims.
There could be a mosque
on every street corner
right here in Millbank.
[cheers and applause]
- What is this? Berkeley?
- A well-paying job can get you
real progressive real fast.
- And yes, of course
there will be homeless people,
and with them, methadone
clinics and needle exchanges
and pop-up abortion sites.
But I say if you don't want
that in your backyard,
you don't want Payne
in your front yard.
[cheers and applause]
And also Antifa.
.
- When I think of all the
inspectors I bribed
over the years to look
the other way about something,
none of it mattered.
They wouldn't have
kicked us out no matter what.
It was just a waste of money.
- Honestly, it's gross.
Where's their xenophobia?
Their fear of anything
different?
All they care about
is their jobs.
They're hypocrites.
- If you think about it,
being a hypocrite
is the worst thing you can be.
You have to think
about it hard though.
It's definitely not intuitive.
- How are we gonna
handle the ribbon cutting?
- We should
just skip it and go home.
- Wait, so we're
gonna ghost the entire town?
- Yeah, I mean,
we could spit in their food
and they wouldn't care.
I mean, we need to cut and run.
Sir, could you take us
to the airfield, please?
- Sure thing.
Are you saying you're
not gonna make cars here?
- I'm sorry,
but could you not eavesdrop?
It's not entirely your fault.
There's no divider wall here,
but take some
personal responsibility.
- Can't believe
we had to leave early.
I'm so on with this cute chick.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
I mean, there was
definitely a freckle issue
but with some heavy foundation,
it would have been fine.
- You know,
I was drowning in P.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Hey, you okay?
- Just sucks, you know?
All their jobs are going away
and we're sitting here
on a private jet
having cocktails.
- Yeah, I know.
I grew up in a town like this
and my dad just went from
one factory job to the next.
Oh, did you think
you're the only one
without a trust fund?
This is the job.
Like, it's private jets
and hard decisions.
You just gotta suck it up
and deal with the guilt
in your own time.
- You can do that?
- Uh, 9:00 till 6:00,
I am a robot.
After 6:00,
I am dangerously unstable.
A depressing shell of a human.
- Hey guys, can someone
put on the news?
- Yeah.
- These shocking images
from the small European
nation of Bolvaria,
where a coup in progress
has already been called
"A Thousand Bloody Nights."
- Well,
that's not great for us.
Captain Stevens,
turn the plane around, please.
- You can meet up
with that girl.
- Ah, better not.
I'm actually
pretty numb down there,
so it takes me
forever to do it.
- Jack,
you must be happy, right?
Staying in Millbank.
You got a win.
- Yeah, I guess all's
well that ends well.
- Oh, look,
they're executing
their country's intelligentsia
in the streets.
- Oh, there's Gene.
There are too many people
to thank
for making today possible.
You know, it's funny,
Millbank is surrounded
by cornfields,
but I'm the one feeling
buttered up.
- Mm, tough crowd.
- Yep, I think our van driver
might've leaked that
we almost abandoned the town.
- Just sell the castle!
Get whatever you
can get for it.
What do you mean
it's been "nationalized?"
- Is there
any truth to the rumors
that you were in talks
with Bolvaria
and had planned
to pull out of Millbank?
- [laughs]
"Pull out?" Come on.
I can't be the only one
hearing this stuff.
- Uh, no, I don't know
where those rumors came from.
And obviously our hearts go out
to the good people of Bolvaria.
- The insurgents
or the dictatorship?
- Uh, the--the good people,
you know, on both sides.
I mean, you know, we just hope
that they find common ground
once the butchering
is completed--
the alleged butchering
on, you know, both sides of--
I think let's get to the--
- Yeah.
Yah! [imitates gun cocking]
- Do that now.
Great, here we go. [laughs]
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, Millbank.
[munching noises]
- Don't do that anymore.
- PAC-MAN?