Alone (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - The Ascent - full transcript

[dramatic music]

*

- I feel guilty,
wasting time and space

that could be used
in a better way.

Boom!

My journey is selfish
and self-serving.

- The biggest question
I have is just,

"What am I
doing this for? "

I'm ready to go.
I'm tapping out.

- I just can't get
enough to eat.

I have to finish my net.



And if that doesn't
attract fish,

I don't know
what else to do.

- I'm part
of the ecosystem here.

The bears and I
forage on the beach

together
at the same time.

Looks like we got something!

We're all eating well.

- Everything is underwater.

But you know what?
That doesn't matter.

It's day 22.

I need to get
to the top of that mountain.

- Who are you when everything's
been stripped away?

[bleep].

- [yelping]



- It's scary out here
in these woods.

- I have not had
a serious meal in a week.

- If I can't get a fire,
then I can't stay here.

- It's always in the back
of your mind,

"Well, I could tap out."

- Putting up
with this filming [bleep]?

- Running into a predator,
it's not an if.

It's a when.

Get the hell out of here.

I see you.
Get out of here!

- I'm living
a hand-to-mouth existence.

Yes!
Ah!

- $500,000
is a lot of money.

- It's just gonna keep
getting harder.

- It's not the world
that needs to change.

It's me
that needs to change.

- [moans]

*

[pensive music]

*

[water rushing]

[saw scraping]

*

- Man, a chain saw
would be amazing...

or a lightsaber.

[imitates lightsaber buzzing]

Oh, I want a lightsaber
so bad.

Seriously, okay,
if you're gonna have

any of your
science fiction weapons,

the lightsaber
is the coolest.

[imitates lightsaber warbling
and buzzing]

Oh, yeah.

A lightsaber here--

now, could you chop firewood
with a lightsaber

and not have it
light on fire?

I don't know.

But it's a fantasy weapon,
so I'm saying

there's probably a setting
on there that says,

"Yeah, chop firewood,
don't light it on fire."

[imitates lightsaber buzzing]

Oh, yeah.

[rain pattering]

Yeah, the lightsaber.

[imitates lightsaber warbling
and buzzing]

Yeah, a lightsaber,
that'd be it.

I'd be happy
if I had a lightsaber.

[pensive music]

It's just weird to think
that as I'm sitting here

in my shelter,
a million people

could possibly
be watching this moment

in my life.

There's some guy
sitting there,

and he's got
a chicken thigh,

and he's just
eating his chicken thigh,

and he's watching me out here
starving to death.

Yeah--I'm happy for him.

I really am.

I'm happy for you, guy.

You know, enjoy
the people around you.

Look to your right;
look to your left

and realize that
if you were me,

you'd be missing
those people, okay?

*

And give them a hug.

I don't care who it is.
Could be your uncle Harry.

You know what I mean?
Give the man a hug.

[sniffs]

Because being alone...

*

Being alone
is a hard thing.

*

[sniffs]

[rain pattering]

[birds chirping]

*

Apparently last night,
I did not catch any fish.

[sighs]

Frustration.

I've made a gill net.

It's a great gill net.

I just, apparently,
suck at setting gill nets.

They're very snooty
little fish.

I don't know
what they want.

I can feel myself
getting skinny.

*

I haven't
been skinny since...

never.

I've never been skinny.

I don't have the energy to do
all the things I need to do.

*

The high tide
brought one of those

big, yellow cedar logs in.

If a half-ton log
goes flying through my net

at some point, it's just
gonna tear it to shreds.

So I've got to try
and get a rope on it

and then float it back
someplace where

it won't be interfering
with the net.

*

This cove is
an unforgiving place.

It does not bend
to my wishes at all.

I'ma try and roll this thing
out into deeper water

and then drag it
down the beach.

But it's not cooperating.

Now I got to wait
until the tide comes in

and drag it out
of the vicinity of my--

of my nets.

[surf lapping]

This might not seem like
a really good use for my time.

Getting that net up
and getting it set right

is so much work.

And to have a log
like this

just drift through
and destroy everything

and ruin that asset--
here we go.

Come on, move,
move.

[dreary music]

There's no sense
in me just walking away

from this log right now.

I got it this far,
I've got to get it tied off,

because the way the current
circulates in the bay,

it would take it
right back to that corner.

*

This sucks.

I got a brand-new log
out there.

I just can't allow

these thousand-pound logs

to drift around
in the bay.

[dramatic music]

*

[eagle chittering]

*

- Who are you?
That's an eagle.

[eagle chittering]

Oh, that's a nice sound.

I wish I could see you.

This is what
I've been working on.

The ropes are in.

The rest of the boat
is completed.

And now that I have
the frame of the boat built,

I'm ready to put
the skin on.

The tarp I have
for a skin is way thin.

It's not nearly

strong enough for a proper
skin-on-frame boat,

but it'll have to do,
I guess.

I just have to really,

really try
to not touch the bottom

when I go
in and out of the boat.

*

When you go hungry
so long

day after day after day,

that's really difficult.

My father, rest in peace,
was born in 1928

and went through the
Spanish Civil War as a kid.

He knew what it was
to be hungry,

and I have learned so much
about his point of view

from being hungry out here.

This is basically
a gamble I'm taking,

expending a lot
of time and energy,

instead of conserving it,

towards moving
to wilderness living

and away from survival,

basically away from survival
and into thrival.

The survival is fear-based.

Wilderness living
is love-based.

They're actually
opposite things.

The skin really worries me.

If it so much as
lightly scrapes against

a barnacle or a stone,

it'll spring a leak
immediately, or worse.

*

If I have a boat ready,
I can catch the salmon run.

But, um,
I'm so pressed for time,

wondering if those salmon
are running yet

and I'm already missing
the salmon migration.

I have no way to know.

I need to finish
the boat fast

and get out on the water.

[foreboding music]

*

- Today is day 22.

I decided
that on day 22,

I was gonna climb
a mountain.

[sighs]

*

My shelter is about
at least 6 inches underwater.

But you know what?
That doesn't matter.

Today is all about
doing something

for the 22 veterans a day
that commit suicide.

*

'Cause I'm gonna climb
this damn mountain.

*

Um,

I'm winded already.

This is not day 1.

This is day 22.

Um,

so I'm already

you know, wore out.

With everything
that's going on--

a lack of food,
my shelter underwater--

kind of really at the
bottom of my rope right now,

so I need this.

What I wanted
to accomplish out here

was to serve
as some sort of inspiration

for--for the veterans
that are out there

that are struggling,

people I consider
brothers and sisters.

It's more symbolic,
I think, than anything.

But if I can summit
this mountain,

maybe it will let
other veterans know

that it can get better.

*

[brush rustling]

About to go

pretty much
straight up here.

This is gonna be

pretty tough
because it's all deadfall.

[foreboding music]

So this is
extremely dangerous.

*

It's like a damn jungle,
really.

*

Ow.

*

Oh, [bleep].

[groans]

And this is exactly
what I'm talking about,

right here.

You know, you hit
one of these wrong,

you can break an ankle
really quick.

*

[sighs]

You know,
I chose this path

'cause I thought
it might be a little easier

going through the woods.

*

Boy, was I wrong.

*

[bleep].

[groaning]

[dramatic music]

*

- [groans]

[groans]

[sighs]

*

[grunts]

I'ma get up.

*

My foot slipped
between these two,

and then I fell
right inside of my knee.

Uh, felt something pull.

Not sure how bad it is.

Um...

Sometimes that stuff
can take a little bit

to actually start
swelling up.

So I don't know.

I'll, uh,

keep an eye on it
and...

See how it goes.

[pensive music]

*

This is where
I'm going,

straight up this way.

And the rock's wet.

This is not
gonna be fun.

If this were
any other climb,

on any other day,

there would probably not be
any way on earth

that I would actually
do it.

Today is special.

And so I'm getting to the top
of this damn mountain.

I don't care.

But I don't,
uh,

don't normally condone

grabbing onto roots,

but when that's all
that there is...

All right,
we just broke into, uh,

"[bleep] got real" status.

One wrong move here...

[birds chittering]

[panting]

And I'm done.

[dramatic music]

*

So I have to be
very careful

where I'm putting my hands,
feet, everything else.

*

My knee
is starting to hurt.

So hopefully I didn't
screw it up too bad.

If this is the last day,

it was worth it.

It was worth it.

*

I've officially gained

as much elevation

as I can

on this mountain.

[uplifting music]

*

Whoo!

*

Yeah!

*

I don't get too excited
about--much, but...

this is pretty awesome.

And on day 22.

This is beautiful.

I don't even know
how to describe it.

And to any of you guys
out there

that are...

*

That are struggling
to make that climb,

you know what I'm--
you know what I mean...

*

You can do it.
You can.

[sighs]

You can.

[spits]

Just don't give up.

Just don't give up.

[dramatic music]

*

[rain pattering]

- It's still raining,
but we're getting

a brief break
from the pouring rain.

I don't know how long
this break will last,

so it still looks like
it's coming in pretty hard,

so I'm gonna take full advantage
of this break

and go check my lines.

My wool hat on now
and feeling warm,

so time to go check.

Fingers crossed
for a fish.

[laughs]

[foreboding music]

*

I don't know
if you can see it,

but there's a bear
behind me.

I think that's the male.

The mama and cubs
are usually here,

so I think
it's the male.

And it's kind of
coming my way, so...

See where it goes.

*

Is it going
to my gill net?

*

It is in my net.

It is at my net.

What is it gonna do?

*

Probably smells me on it.

*

Good, bear,
go around the net.

That's a smart bear.

*

Oh, my God,
the bear's coming this way.

[dramatic music]

[gasps]

[whispering]

[gasps]

*

[gasps]

*

[rain pattering]

*

- [gasps]

[whispering]

[gasps]

Oh.

[gasps]

That was the male.

There's the mom
and two cubs

that are right here,
and then there's this male

that hangs out
right here.

And that's the male.

And that was
a good-sized bear.

Came up around
and basically right

where my gill net was

and then went
into the woods there.

So it might come around.
It's possible.

Um, hopefully it'll stay
a little distance

from, like, right back--
from right in my camp,

but you never know
what they're gonna do.

[pensive music]

*

- Good morning.
It's day 23.

Uh, it's moving day.

So...

we're gonna take, uh...

take this shelter
completely apart

and move it

over by the island
today.

*

Last couple days
have been rough.

I woke up
the other morning

to my entire shelter floor
soaking wet.

And it's just not feasible
to stay there

for an extended period
of time.

Just a devastating blow.

Moving is--
is a huge undertaking.

I've thought, "Well,
maybe after I get done

"climbing a mountain,
then I'll just--

I'll just hang it up."

And right now,

that's the last thing
on my mind.

I feel recharged,
reenergized,

and I feel like
I can take on the world.

*

All right,
there you have it

in all its glory,

uh, completely disassembled.

*

It's hard to believe
that something

that took
that long to build

came down that quickly.

[sighs]

Being up on the mountain
and coming down,

it got me to a place
to where

I said, "Okay.
I can--I can do this."

*

I've been looking around
through the woods

at places that have
higher elevations

than the last place that
I was at with the groundwater.

I found a place
that's fairly open.

It requires a little bit
of clearing out,

you know, brush and debris
and stuff like that.

I think I can do a--

basically like a triangle
double lean-to shelter.

*

So here goes nothing.

I also think
that I can

suspend my hammock up

and make a--basically
a raised bed for myself

to where I don't need,
necessarily, flat ground

on the bottom
of the shelter.

So that's--
that's what I'm gonna do.

And I don't have to worry
about groundwater.

I don't have to worry
about the tide coming in.

And it should be a decent place
for me to put a shelter.

Should be set up

to get the bed
into place.

Tired and thirsty and hungry...

And whiny.
[chuckles]

All right.

It's, uh--
it's bed-testing time.

We'll have just enough room
to get in here

and then lay down.

Oh, man.

[sighs]

Ah, yeah.

[sniffs]

[exhales]

[dramatic music]

*

[water splashing]

*

There's a fish
caught in the gill net,

and I have to get to it
before the bear does.

"Hello,
human coming!

Bop-bop-bop-bop!"

I'm not actually sure
it's in my net.

My gill net
is down on one side,

so it must have been
fighting it.

All right.

Ha.

I do need to put the other side
up that came down.

I'm cutting the head off it
so it stops

doing that.

Oh, yeah,
sorry, honey.

You're dinner...

and lunch
for a few days.

[dramatic music]

It's a really big one.

*

I'm actually having trouble
eating it all.

I usually don't eat
this much.

[pensive music]

Not just all about fish
and limpets and mushrooms and--

got to get
some greens in you.

I'm gonna go on a little foray

to look for some greens,
maybe different mushrooms,

um, maybe some roots
I can dig.

This is where the bears
live up here,

so probably let 'em know
I'm coming.

Hello!

Hey, bear!

Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop!

Oh, no,
salmonberry.

My areas
of survival expertise

are medicinal herbs,
plants.

I make all my own tinctures
and medicines

from what's around me
in the woods.

Hello.

[clapping]

I have a masters
in marine biology,

which is helpful
because

I know the intertidal species
very, very well.

I know what you can eat.
I know what you can't eat.

I know, uh,
about the ecosystem,

but plants are definitely

in my--a big thing
that's in my wheelhouse.

I look up and down
at the same time because up--

ooh, there's some nice
licorice fern in there.

I want to go get that.

I've been--I had to use that
for my tummy the other day.

Running a little short.

Oh, yeah,
here's some good,

some good licorice root.

I love this stuff.

You only need
a little of it.

It's really nice chopped up
and made into a tea, but...

if you're just eating it
plain like this,

those few little nibbles--
I'm gonna save this for later.

I'm gonna go to Bear River,
as I call it,

or Bear Creek.

[dramatic music]

Here is the leftovers
of one bear's meal.

I'm seeing--I'm seeing
bear tracks all around.

*

Tore into that

but didn't finish it.

I don't know why it didn't
finish it;

sure looks fresh.

So there's also
some small tracks around.

So mama bear's been here
and cubs have been here,

looks like this morning.

You can see the teeth,

the salmon
they've been eating.

Yep, bear-y bears
have been very busy.

And there's
where we're headed.

[clapping]

*

Hello, bear-bear!

*

[water splashes]
[gasps]

[dramatic music]

*

[water rushing]

[clapping]

- Hello, bear-bear!

*

[water splashes]
[gasps]

Salmon!

The salmon are spawning
right here.

[water running]

Well, that was cool;
we got to see salmon

going up the river;
this is a good river.

[water splashes]

Look at them go,
look, look, look, look.

The bears are smart.

[laughs]

Wow.

All right.

For now,
let's keep walking.

[pensive music]

*

So this

is yarrow.

And it is antibacterial;
it's good for wounds

and all sorts of stuff.

But I find after
I'm cleaning fish,

if I wipe my hands with this,

it gets rid of the smell
completely

so I don't smell fishy.

*

Oh, plantain!

Oh, my God!
I'm so excited.

I haven't seen any
here yet.

So this is plantain.

You probably know it
from your yard,

and you're like,
"It's a weed,"

but it is edible.

It is also
very, very medicinal.

This is the go-to plant,
right here,

is plantain.

So these stalks,

these things,
these seeds,

are all edible.

*

Plantain is delicious,
and you know what?

I need some greens.

So I'm actually gonna collect
some of this

for dinner tonight.

'Cause you cook it up,

and it's a little bit
like spinach.

Knowing the plants
has been so useful,

because surrounding me
is my grocery store,

and surrounding me
is my pharmacy.

Oh, my God,
I'm in heaven.

Seriously,
this is awesome.

*

Hey, kids, do I have
something in my teeth?

Is there something
in my teeth?

Or am I good?
Am I good?

Okay.
Just checking, yeah.

No.
[chuckles]

Man, that's tasty.

All right, it's time
to head on back.

I can have my plantain tacos
with my salmon.

[dramatic music]

*

- This is not
what I was hoping to find

this morning, folks.

This is my gill net--

actually,
both of my gill nets.

And rough surf came in and
destroyed everything last night.

[waves splashing]

Look at these waves.

*

I, uh--wow.

[exhales]

It's one of them
"deep breath" moments

where you just
take a deep breath.

[surf splashing]

I mean, I don't know
what to do with this thing.

Hopefully there's something
I can do with it.

Trying very hard
not to think about

anything other than today.

My whole strategy
in getting through this thing

is to take life
one day at a time,

and I'm gonna do my best
at it,

so I've got to fix
a gill net.

[pensive music]

This is an exercise
in patience.

Getting emotionally upset
only slows the process.

I have to just take
a deep breath,

and if it takes me
all day

to get this thing
to the point

that it needed to be,
it will take all day to do it.

*

Seriously, everything I know
about gillnetting,

I learned watching
season one of this show,

so that sounds horrible,

but it's the truth,

I've just never had
to gillnet anything,

ever, anywhere.

And to be quite honest,

season one
made gillnetting

look like an easy thing.

*

One gill net preserved,

ready to go again.

*

Getting apprehensive
about the weight loss.

Honestly, it is...

It is worrisome.

I--you know,
it would be different

if I could just eat
every day,

but that's proving
more difficult than I thought.

Seriously,
the average American family

throws more food away
in a single day

than I've had
in the three weeks out here.

It's an eye-opener.

*

All those simple things
in life

that I've been taking
for granted,

I get to put those
in perspective right now.

And just drive
through your neighborhood

and look
at all the restaurants.

We have such an abundance
and a variety of food

that it's entertainment
to us.

Our entire diet
is entertainment,

and to be totally cut off
from all food,

even a subsistence level
of calories coming in,

it puts it in perspective,
believe me.

I took that for granted.

I mean,
I'm wasting away in here.

This should be like

stand naked in front
of the camera for 20 seconds,

do a nice profile shot,
you know?

It'd look like one of those
weight loss commercials.

[dramatic music]

Some days, it's hard.

You just bear up
under this,

and you continue to do this
day after day after day,

knowing that I could make
a phone call

and end my suffering.

This evening,
I could be in a warm bed

and a warm meal
and a hot shower.

*

[dramatic music]

*

- I found sea lion bones
in the water.

It's been in the water
for, who knows,

weeks, maybe months,

so should be a bit softer
than it normally would be.

This sea lion bone

is an important component
of my boatbuilding.

To put on the skin,
you need to do some sewing.

I'm basically
kind of chiseling it out

and try to get
a needle out of it.

Almost out.

But if I pry hard on it,

it could break through
the eye of the needle,

which is a weak spot.

So I have to finesse it
a little bit more.

[dramatic music]

I was blessed with a father
that, when I said,

"I want a boat"
or "I want an airplane,"

'cause I saw one on TV,
he said,

"Why don't we build one?"

That's the kind of father
I had,

and has it ever come in handy.

I have good hands.

I grew up with somebody
training my hands,

and I can build and craft
like there's no tomorrow.

This is a delicate part.

If I break
the eye of the needle,

the whole work
was for nothing.

*

Okay.

This most precious feature,

the eye of the needle,

that's what makes it
into a good tool.

*

[scraping]

I'm really anxious
about that skin being so thin

that I--after all this work,
it can puncture through

the moment it scrapes
against something.

I'm thinking and thinking
of ways

to prevent that,
of course.

I have a plan in my head,

plan A and B and C,
of course, as usual.

And I hope they work out.

[dramatic music]

*

[birds chirping]

*

Good morning, sunshines.

It's, uh,
sun and clouds now.

The sun sometimes
even peeks out.

A little bit of fog.

It's good weather
for me to build,

so I want to be building,

finish that boat.

The chum salmon
show signs of starting to run.

I best hurry,
give it a go.

And with these cold nights,

I'm sure the water temperature
is lowering,

and they'll get
in the mood soon

if they're not there
already.

I just wish I had more time
and more calories here

to build and craft more.

I laid the skin on it,

and I could have just
gone on skinning,

but I want
to protect that skin

as much as I can,

so I'm gonna install
some skid plates

and try to protect the skin

in the places where it's more--
most likely to chafe

against the keel
and the stringers.

*

This is the hardest stitch
in the whole boat.

*

This needle
has a hard time.

Is it...

I didn't bring any cordage,

hoping that I would find
something just beachcombing.

There is a lot of
cordage material right here.

I don't have to worry
about that for now.

So that was a lucky find.

This is very...

*

Well, homemade.

[scissors cutting]

But...

if she floats

and keeps floating
for a while,

I'll be grateful.

[dramatic music]

*

- I've spent so much time

working on my gill net,

and now,

unfortunately
I got torpedoed

by a giant,
yellow cedar log.

I've got a 600-pound log
that floated in

over top of my gill net,

and now I got to figure out
how to get that thing

out of there
and up onto the beach.

And that water's too deep
for me to get into right now.

[somber music]

And I have to get fish.

I just have to get this cove
figured out.

Where are the fish?

It's hard to do this
without food.

*

The isolation,
the loneliness,

the lack of communication,
the hard labor,

and then
very little return.

You work all day.

You come home hungry.

If I don't get
some solid food

out of that ocean,

I'm not gonna make it.

*

Part of me just
is screaming to go home,

but I can't do that
to my kids.

*

Pray for my kids
every night.

And I really miss 'em.

[surf splashing]

[sighs]

That's the hardest thing
about being here.

Everything else,
I can handle.

Everything else,
I can handle.

I start thinking about my kids,
it just

nails me.

They've had to deal
with a lot in life.

[somber music]

And to have a chance
to, uh...

to change their lives,

to make their lives
easier...

*

Ultimately, that's what
winning this thing

would do for me,

is to be able to--
for me to

ah, help my kids

in ways they haven't
been able to.

And to cop out on that

because I'm cold or wet

or hungry...

no way.

I can't do that.

*

Because I wouldn't be able
to live with myself,

having given that chance up
to change their lives.

I can't quit,
okay?

I just can't quit.

Whatever I got to do,
I can do,

but I can't quit.

*

*

- Good morning.

Gonna eat some breakfast.

Breakfast of champions,
eat my salmon.

And, uh,

I wanted to go check
my gill net first.

Well, I've got
a live one.

But I've got salmon
right now I can eat on

all day today
for three meals.

It's really hard to predict
when you're gonna get fish,

but on the other hand,

I don't want to catch 'em
when I don't need 'em.

[pensive music]

Hi, sweetheart.

[water splashing]
Whoo.

You are a live one.
Good morning.

Got to you in time.

We're gonna let you go
today, okay?

Gonna walk you through it.
I've done this before.

I'm sorry you're
so tangled up in this net.

And I don't really need it--
oh, honey.

Yeah, all right.

I know many people--
people may think I'm weird

to set the fish free,

but, you know, I could use
a new one tomorrow,

but today, I'm still eating
on the fish I caught

the other day.

And if this were
tomorrow,

I would eat this fish.

But right now,

it feels like it
would just be wrong

to take something
that I don't need.

*

You are really stuck
in there, wow.

*

[sighs]

*

I don't mind cutting
my gill net to save you,

but I would like to save
as much of my net as possible.

I've been able
to catch so many fish.

I mean,
I really feel blessed.

I have;
I've been really lucky.

You're out.

All right.

I'm gonna go
put this fish

out in the deep water

and let it swim away.

I have to do this
fairly quickly.

You're good.

I got you.
You are feisty; I'm glad.

You are alive and mad
and living proud.

Yeah.

Make it out deep.

You're gonna do it fast
so you don't...

[water splashing]

All right.
You ready?

Ohh.

Oh!
Look at him swim away!

[water splashes]
Whoo!

[laughing]

*

Bye.

I'm loving connecting with
this beautiful land around me.

I feel at home.

I have everything I need.

All my needs
are being met right now,

and I couldn't be
more thrilled.

[laughs]

- I'm coming to the conclusion
that I have to exploit

every last resource of food.

I'm getting worried.

- Ohh.

Look at that!

Just thick and squished
like a damn pancake, baby.

- My mind
is practically screaming,

"Just give up."

- The kayak is finished,
ready to try it out.

In the end,
the ocean will decide

if she's seaworthy or not.

Whoa.
[grunts]

*