'Allo 'Allo (1982–1992): Season 5, Episode 23 - Enigma - full transcript

Colonel von Strohm wants the two paintings that are hidden in a statue at the château. He tells René and the staff of the café to pretend to be the Excelsior Quartet who are scheduled to play at the château and at the right moment steal the paintings out of the statue. The resistance also wants them to steal something, namely the Enigma machine the Germans recently acquired. Mimi, hidden in the double bass case, will take care of this. Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are also going to the château disguised as serving maids because Herr Flick thinks some of the guests might be involved in the plot to blow up Hitler.

( theme music playing )

IF YOU HAD BEEN HERE
AT THIS TIME YESTERDAY,

YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN
A MOST SPECTACULAR SIGHT.

IT HAPPENED LIKE THIS:

EDITH AND I WERE
ATTEMPTING TO BLOW UP

A SAFE
IN THE POLICE STATION,

USING AN EXPLODING
CHRISTMAS PUDDING.

THE SAFE CONTAINED
16 BARS OF PURE GOLD,

BELONGING TO GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN.

JUST AFTER
WE HAD LIT THE FUSE,

THE SAFE WAS REMOVED
BY CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,



WHO PLACED IT IN
LIEUTENANT GRUBER'S LITTLE TANK.

TWO MINUTES LATER,
THE SAFE EXPLODED,

LEAVING LIEUTENANT GRUBER'S
LITTLE TANK IN 1,000 PIECES.

FORTUNATELY, YOU WILL
BE PLEASED TO HEAR,

LIEUTENANT GRUBER WAS NOT
IN IT AT THE TIME,

THE SOLE OCCUPANT BEING
CAPTAIN BERTORELLI,

WHO LOST HIS UNIFORM,

THE FEATHERS FROM HIS HAT,

AND HIS NO CLAIMS BONUS.

GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN
MANAGED TO SALVAGE

HIS GOLD FROM THE WRECKAGE,
BUT, FORTUNATELY,

HE DID NOT GET HIS HANDS
ON THE FOUR GOLD BARS

THAT I HAD STOLEN EARLIER.

NOW, YOU WILL SEE,
THAT WITH GREAT CUNNING,



I HAVE MELTED THEM DOWN
IN THE KITCHEN,

AND MOLDED THEM INTO A NEW
WEIGHT FOR THE CUCKOO CLOCK.

IT IS QUITE A BIT HEAVIER
THAN THE OLD WEIGHT,

BUT I DO NOT EXPECT THAT
WILL MAKE MUCH DIFFERENCE.

( bird chirping )

( pendulum ticking )

PLEASE, TRY NOT TO DRAW
ATTENTION TO YOURSELF!

OH, RENE, LOOK!

IS IT NOT BEAUTIFUL?

I COULD NOT RESIST IT.

IT WAS THE BEST ONE

IN THE WINDOW
OF MADAME LENARE.

HOW MUCH DID IT COST?

WHAT DOES IT MATTER,
NOW THAT WE ARE RICH?

RENE,
I HAVE BEEN THINKING,

WHY DO WE NOT BUY
A NEW CAR?

WHAT USE DO WE
HAVE FOR A CAR?

ANYWAY, WE HAVE AN OLD ONE,
ROTTING IN THE SHED.

BUT IT DOES NOT GO,

AND I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN
THINKING OF CHANGING IT.

WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THIS?

I HEARD YOU SAYING
TO YVETTE ONLY LAST WEEK,

"I CANNOT WAIT TO GET RID
OF THE OLD BANGER."

YES, I DID SAY THAT.
IT IS TRUE.

OH, RENE,

IF WE HAD A NEW CAR,

WE COULD DRIVE IN IT
TO THE SPANISH BORDER,

BRIBE THE GUARD
TO GET ACROSS,

AND THEN FIND
A LITTLE CASTLE ON A HILL,

AND SPEND THE REST
OF OUR LIVES

WRAPPED IN
EACH OTHER'S ARMS.

WHAT ABOUT MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,

YOUR RICH
UNDERTAKER FRIEND, EH?

OH, RENE,

IT WAS ALWAYS YOU
THAT I LOVED.

MONEY DOES NOT
COME INTO IT.

WHERE IS THE GOLD?

IT IS BETTER
THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW.

( cuckoo clock chirps rapidly )

HOW QUICKLY TIME PASSES
WHEN YOU ARE ENJOYING YOURSELF.

TONIGHT I AM GOING TO EMPLOY

ALL MY FEMININE WILES
TO WHEEDLE IT OUT OF YOU.

( register rings )

WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

I'M GOING TO BUY SOMETHING

TO PERSUADE YOU TO TELL ME
WHERE YOU HAVE HIDDEN THE GOLD.

DO THEY SELL THUMBSCREWS
IN NOUVION?

IN THE WINDOW
OF MADAME LENARE

IS A SEE-THROUGH
NIGHTDRESS.

MY GOD, SHE IS MORE RUTHLESS
THAN THE GESTAPO.

RENE, LOOK!

OHHH!

NEW SILK STOCKINGS
ON THE BLACK MARKET.

THEY COST A FORTUNE

BUT WHAT DOES IT MATTER,
NOW THAT WE ARE RICH?

WE WILL NOT BE RICH
VERY LONG,

IF YOU GO ON
SPENDING IT LIKE THAT.

OH, AND AT THE GARAGE,

THERE IS
A BEAUTIFUL MOTORCYCLE.

WE COULD BUY IT,
RIDE TO SWITZERLAND,

LIVE IN A CHALET,
HIGH IN THE MOUNTAINS,

WRAPPED IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS

AND OPEN A JOINT
BANK ACCOUNT IN GENEVA.

WHAT A ROMANTIC THOUGHT.

RENE,

WHERE HAVE YOU
HIDDEN THE GOLD?

( cuckoo clock chirps )

IT IS BETTER
THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW.

TONIGHT,

I WILL BE WAITING FOR YOU
IN THE AIRING CUPBOARD.

THERE IS
A SEE-THROUGH NIGHTDRESS

IN THE WINDOW
OF MADAME LENARE'S.

I WILL BE WEARING IT.

YOU HAD BETTER
ORDER IT BY TELEPHONE.

AH, COLONEL,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER, HELGA,

WELCOME TO
MY HUMBLE LITTLE CAFE.

WE HAVE COME TO HAVE
A VERY SERIOUS TALK WITH YOU.

SIT DOWN.

YES, COLONEL.

MAKE YOURSELVES
AT HOME.

YVETTE, WINE
FOR THE COLONEL.

( gasps )
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

"SOME OLD TROUT
JUST BOUGHT IT"?

YVETTE! WINE.

OOOH, YES, RENE.

I HOPE YOU ARE OVER
FROM THE TRAGIC LOSS

OF YOUR LITTLE TANK,
LIEUTENANT GRUBER?

I KNOW HOW VERY CLOSE
YOU WERE TO IT.

IT WAS A TERRIBLE WRENCH.

I HAD SPENT MANY
HAPPY MOMENTS IN IT.

FORTUNATELY,
THE GENERAL

WAS SO PLEASED
TO RECOVER HIS GOLD,

THAT HE ORDERED ME
ANOTHER ONE.

THERE ARE,
HOWEVER,

FOUR BARS
OF GOLD MISSING.

RENE,
I AM SORRY TO SAY

THAT THE FINGER
OF SUSPICION

IS POINTING
VERY DIRECTLY AT YOU.

ME?! WHY?

WHY ELSE WERE YOU
IN THE POLICE STATION?

OH, WELL, I--

COME OFF IT, RENE.

WE KNOW YOU HAVE THE GOLD,
AND WE KNOW YOU HAVE HIDDEN IT.

OH, COLONEL.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

WHERE WOULD I HIDE
FOUR BARS OF GOLD?

( clock chirps frantically )

THAT IS A VERY
EARLY CUCKOO.

HE HAS INSOMNIA.

RENE,

WE HAVE KNOWN YOU
QUITE A LONG TIME.

WE HAVE A VERY
HIGH REGARD FOR YOU.

WE HAVE DECIDED
TO DO A DEAL.

WE WILL NOT INQUIRE
VERY CLOSELY

INTO THE WHEREABOUTS
OF THE GOLD,

IF YOU WILL HELP US.

COLONEL,
I WILL HELP YOU IF I AM ABLE.

WHAT CAN I
DO FOR YOU?

THE GENERAL HAS
COMMANDEERED A STATUE,

IN WHICH WE HAD SECRETED
THE ORIGINAL PAINTING

OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP.

WE HAD ALSO
HIDDEN IN IT

THE CRACKED VASE
WITH THE BIG DAISIES BY VAN GOGH.

THE GENERAL HAS TAKEN
THE STATUE TO HIS CHATEAU.

YOU ARE GOING TO RECOVER
THE PAINTINGS FOR US.

BUT... BUT I AM JUST
A SIMPLE CAFE OWNER.

I DO NOT GET INVITED
TO THE CHATEAU,

AND I AM A ROTTEN BURGLAR.

HELGA HAS A PLAN.

THE GENERAL WILL GIVE
AN OFFICERS' DANCE,

AND IT WILL BE ATTENDED
BY THE GENERALS

WHO ARE PLANNING
THE INVASION OF ENGLAND.

HE HAS BOOKED
FOR THE OCCASION,

THE PALM COURT
QUARTET,

FROM THE HOTEL EXCELSIOR
IN DEAUVILLE.

BUT THEY WILL NOT ARRIVE.

THEY WILL BE STOPPED
AT THE CHECKPOINT.

NOW, HERE'S THE CLEVER BIT.

YOU WILL TAKE THEIR PLACE.

BUT COLONEL,
WE ARE NOT MUSICIANS.

HELGA HAS
THOUGHT OF THIS.

IN THE CHATEAU, THERE IS
A MOST UP-TO-DATE

ELECTRIC
AMPLIFYING SYSTEM.

WE HAVE RECORDS
OF THE QUARTET.

I WILL PLAY THEM
UPON A CONCEALED TURNTABLE.

YOU WILL NOT PLAY,
YOU WILL APPEAR TO PLAY.

YOU WILL SET UP
YOUR ORCHESTRA

NEAR THE STATUE.

YOU HAVE BUT TO UNSCREW
THE HEAD OF THE STATUE,

TAKE OUT THE PAINTINGS
AND REPLACE THE HEAD.

BUT, HOW CAN I
DO THIS

WITH EVERYBODY
LOOKING ON?

THAT, RENE,
IS YOUR PROBLEM.

THE BUS CONTAINING
THE MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS

WILL COLLECT YOU AT 7:00
TOMORROW EVENING.

ON IT WILL BE THE CLOTHES,
THAT WE WILL CONFISCATE

FROM THE EXCELSIOR QUARTET.

THE WAY YOU PUT IT,
IT SOUNDS SO VERY SIMPLE.

IS THERE ANY OTHER
BUSINESS TO DISCUSS?

I DO NOT
THINK SO.

UNTIL TOMORROW,
RENE.

TH-- THERE IS JUST
ONE THING, COLONEL.

WHAT HAPPENS IF
WE GET FOUND OUT?

WE WILL DO
OUR BEST FOR YOU,

BUT YOU'LL
PROBABLY GET SHOT.

AND WHAT IF I SAY
THAT I DO NOT WANT

TO DO IT AT ALL, HUH?

YOU WILL
CERTAINLY GET SHOT.

YOU SENT FOR ME,
HERR FLICK?

YES, VON SMALLHAUSEN.

YOU ARE, OF COURSE,
AWARE THAT YOU ARE

ONLY A PROVISIONAL
MEMBER OF THE GESTAPO?

YES, HERR FLICK.

YOU HAVE APPLIED HERE
FOR PROMOTION

TO GRADE III OFFICER.

ARE YOU PREPARED
TO TAKE THE TEST?

I HAVE BEEN IN TRAINING,
HERR FLICK.

IT IS MY DEAREST WISH
TO MOVE UP THE LADDER.

GOOD.
SIT IN THE CHAIR.

THE SUBJECT THAT YOU
HAVE CHOSEN IS HITLER.

YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS
TO ANSWER THE QUESTIONS,

STARTING NOW.

ONE-- WHAT WAS
HERR HITLER'S OCCUPATION

BEFORE HE BECAME FUHRER?

PAINTER.

CORRECT.

WHAT IS REGARDED
AS HIS BEST WORK?

THE IRON RAILINGS
OUTSIDE 37 WINKLESTRASSER.

CORRECT.

WHAT WAS THE NAME
OF THE BARBER

WHO CREATED
HIS SILLY HAIRSTYLE?

PASS.

CORRECT.

HERR LUDWIG PASS.

YOU HAVE SCORED
10 POINTS.

STAND UP.

YOU WILL NOW PERFORM
THE PHYSICAL TESTS.

ARE YOU READY?

YES, HERR FLICK.

YOU HAVE FAILED.

NOW, PAY ATTENTION.

IT HAS COME
TO MY NOTICE

THAT GENERAL
VON KLINKERHOFFEN

IS HOLDING A DANCE
FOR THE OFFICERS AT THE CHATEAU.

IT IS MY BELIEF THAT
THE PURPOSE OF THIS GATHERING

IS TO FURTHER THE PLOT
TO BLOW UP HITLER.

WE WILL INFILTRATE OURSELVES
INTO THIS SHINDIG.

WE WILL
OBTAIN THE NAMES OF THOSE PRESENT,

AND THEIR
PHOTOGRAPHS.

HERE IS THE CAMERA
THAT YOU'LL CONCEAL UPON YOUR PERSON.

IT IS QUITE A BIG ONE,
HERR FLICK.

WHERE DO YOU SUGGEST
I HIDE IT?

IT IS UP TO YOU,
VON SMALLHAUSEN.

AND IF YOU ARE UNSUCCESSFUL,

YOU WILL ALSO FAIL
YOUR CONCEALING-A-CAMERA TEST.

EDITH!

YVETTE!

MIMI!

OHHHH!

WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME HERE

ALL ALONE

FOR HOURS AND HOURS

AND HOURS?!

IT IS NOT HOURS, MAMMA.

YOUR CLOCK HAS STOPPED.

EDITH, COME HERE.

IS IT TRUE THAT RENE

HAS A FORTUNE

IN GOLD BARS?

YES, MAMMA.

YOU SHOULD MARRY THIS MAN,

AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

IT IS TIME
FOR LONDON TO CALL.

WE MUST GET
ON THE RADIO.

( radio buzzes )

OH, THE FLASHING KNOBS!

AARGHH!

SHUT UP,
YOU OLD BAT.

DO NOT SPEAK
TO MY MOTHER LIKE THAT.

NEVER MIND,
EDITH.

I LIKE STRONG MEN.

Man:
Hello, hello, This is London calling.

Are you receiving me?
Over.

'ALLO, 'ALLO,
THIS IS NIGHTHAWK.

PASS YOUR MESSAGE,
OVER.

Little Boy Blue
has stuck his thumb

in the curds and whey,

and the cow has jumped
over the moon.

OH MY GOD.
EDITH, LOOK IT UP.

Little Boy Blue
has stuck his thumb--

YES, YES.
ALL RIGHT!

WE ARE LOOKING IT UP.
HANG ON.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

IT MEANS, "THE GERMANS

HAVE A NEW MACHINE

FOR ENCODING MESSAGES.

IT IS CALLED ENEMA."

WHAT LENGTHS
THE GERMANS WILL GO TO

TO PASS MESSAGES.

NO, MADAME EDITH,

IT IS ENIGMA.

OH, YES, ENIGMA.

WE HAVE
YOUR MESSAGE.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT IT? OVER.

Hello, Nighthawk,
tell Blue Tit

to nick it
from the parson's nose.

TELL BLUE TIT TO NICK IT
FROM THE PARSON'S NOSE?!

WHATEVER ARE THEY
TALKING ABOUT?

OH, EDITH.

MICHELLE IS BLUE TIT,

THE PARSON'S NOSE

IS THE HEADQUARTERS
OF THE GENERAL.

WILL YOU NEVER
LEARN YOUR CODE,

AND HELP
THAT HANDSOME MAN

I KEEP TELLING YOU
TO MARRY?

ALL RIGHT, WHO TOLD HER
ABOUT THE GOLD?

( knocking )

RENE,

BLUE TITS,
SHE IS IN THE CAFE.

SHE MUST
TALK TO YOU.

WE NEED
TO SEE HER.

TELL HER WE'LL
COME AT ONCE.

QUICK,
HIDE THE RADIO.

AARGHH!

Rene:
SHUT UP.

OUR COURSE
IS CLEAR.

DISGUISED AS
THE EXCELSIOR QUARTET,

YOU HAVE
ACCESS TONIGHT TO THE CHATEAU.

WE HAVE INFORMATION
THAT THE ENIGMA MACHINE

IS IN THE ROOM
NEXT TO THE SALON,

WHERE YOU WILL BE PLAYING.

( Rene sighs )

MIMI WILL BE CONCEALED

IN THE CASE
OF THE DOUBLE BASS.

YOU WILL PLACE IT
NEAR THE DOOR.

WHEN THE REVELRY
IS AT ITS HEIGHT,

YOU WILL CLIMB OUT
OF THE CASE,

SLIP INTO THE ROOM,
GRAB THE MACHINE,

AND THROW IT
THROUGH THE WINDOW

WHERE WE WILL
BE WAITING

TO CATCH IT
IN A BLANKET.

I SEE.

YOU WILL NOW FORGET
EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE SAID.

I WILL SLIP UP
THE BACK PASSAGE,

AND SUPERVISE
THE PRACTICE

WITH THE BLANKET.

UH, MICHELLE,

COULD YOU NOT
POSSIBLY FIND ME

A DESK JOB
IN THE RESISTANCE?

WE ARE GOING
TO PLAY OUR PART,

YOU PLAY YOURS.

- RENE...
- YES?

MICHELLE'S PLAN
HAS GIVEN ME AN IDEA.

WHEN WE SET UP
OUR INSTRUMENTS,

WE COULD CONCEAL SOMEONE
IN THE PIANO,

AND PLACE IT
NEAR THE STATUE.

EDITH, EDITH,
WE ARE A QUARTET.

YOU WILL PLAY
THE VIOLIN,

I WILL PLAY
THE PIANO.

MONSIEUR LECLERC
WILL PLAY THE CELLO,

AND MIMI WILL BE PLACED
IN THE CASE OF THE BASS.

WHO IS GOING TO PLAY
THE DOUBLE BASS,

AND WHO IS GOING TO HIDE
INSIDE THE PIANO?

I COULD HIDE
INSIDE THE PIANO.

AND WHO WOULD
HOLD OPEN THE LID

WHILE YOU REACHED OUT
TO UNSCREW THE HEAD OF THE STATUE?

THAT STILL LEAVES SOMEBODY
TO PLAY THE DOUBLE BASS.

EDITH, YOUR PLAN
WILL NOT WORK

BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL
SHORT OF TWO PEOPLE.

GOOD MOANING.

YOU'VE FOUND
SOME EXCELLENT GIRLS

TO PARTNER THE GENERALS,
COLONEL.

THE FLOWER
OF GERMAN WOMANHOOD.

ARE THEY--
( clicks tongue )

AVAILABLE?

TO A GENERAL?

EVERYONE'S AVAILABLE.

HEY, GENERAL,

NICE PARTY.

BEAUTIFUL LADIES.

ARE THEY--
HOW YOU SAY? AVAILABLE?

TO THE GENERAL, YES.
TO YOU, NO.

I FLASH MY SMILE,

THEY GO WEAK
AT THE KNEES.

THROUGH HERE.

A LITTLE BIT
FURTHER.

GOOD, THANK YOU.

GOOD, YOU MAY GO.

EVERYTHING
IN ORDER, GRUBER?

YES, COLONEL.

RENE HAS TURNED UP TRUMPS,
AS USUAL.

WHAT WAS HIS PLAN?

YOU WILL NEVER GUESS.

IN THIS PIANO

ARE TWO PERSONS.

YOU WILL NOTICE
THAT I HAVE PLACED IT

ADJACENT TO THE STATUE.

AT THE HEIGHT
OF THE REVELRY,

THEY WILL REACH OUT,

UNSCREW THE HEAD,
AND RETRIEVE THE PAINTINGS.

WELL DONE, GRUBER.

FOR THIS, I WILL
RECOMMEND YOU FOR CAPTAIN.

OH, THANK YOU, COLONEL.

FROM THE EXCELSIOR HOTEL,
DEAUVILLE,

THE EXCELSIOR QUARTET.

MY GOD!

HE MIGHT HAVE SHAVED OFF
HIS MOUSTACHE.

LEAVE THE CUSS
IN THE PISSAGEWAY.

COLONEL VON STROHM,

MY PARTY IS DYING
ON IT'S FEET.

- LET THERE BE MUSIC.
- VERY WELL, GENERAL.

HELGA,

GO AND POWDER
YOUR NOSE.

YES, COLONEL.

( instruments tuning )

THAT WOMAN
PLAYING THE PIANO,

SHE HAS A MOUSTACHE.

IT'S THE WAR,
GENERAL.

THEY'RE VERY SHORT
OF SHAVING SOAP.

OF COURSE.

GOOD EVENING,
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN.

WE ARE DELIGHTED TO HAVE
BEEN ORDERED HERE,

TO PLAY FOR YOU
THIS EVENING.

AND NOW, TO START
OUR LITTLE PROGRAM,

PLEASE TAKE YOUR PARTNERS

FOR A QUICKSTEP.

ONE, TWO...

AND ONE, TWO, THREE...

ER-- FOUR.

( record playing
"In the Mood" )

SHALL WE DO IT NOW?

NO!
TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE WATCHING.

MONSIEUR, CAN YOU
KEEP OFF THE D FLAT?

ARGH!

THE HAMMER IS HITTING ME--

IN A VERY VULNERABLE--
POSITION.

ARE YOUR SAUSAGES
PREPARED?

THE STICKS ARE FIRMLY
THRUST INTO THEM, HERR FLICK.

HAVE YOU TESTED
YOUR CAMERA?

- NOT YET.
- THEN DO SO.

( camera clicks )

GOOD.

YOU HAVE 10 FEET
OF FILM NESTLING

IN YOUR LEFT
BOOBIE.

MAKE THE MOST
OF IT.

MIMI, ARE YOU THERE?

OF COURSE I AM.

THE PASSAGE IS CLEAR.

CLIMB OUT WHILE
THEY ARE DANCING.

- ( thumps )
- OOF!

- ( thumps )
- OOF!

IT IS LOCKED.

WHO HAS THE KEY?

I DO NOT KNOW.
PROBABLY CRABTREE.

GIVE ME THE KEY
TO THE CASE OF THE BASS.

DRIT,
THERE IS A HOLE IN MY PACKET.

IT HAS FALLEN THREE.

CAN YOU DO
NOTHING RIGHT?

THERE IS NO KEY.

DO NOT WORRY.
I HAVE A PLAN.

( crashing )

CAN YOU SEE?

I WILL BE ABLE TO
IN ONE MINUTE.

GOOD LUCK.

I AM KEEPING A RECORD

OF ALL SAUSAGES EATEN.
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

GENERAL
VON FLOCKENSTOFFEN.

YOU MAY NOW
EAT YOUR SAUSAGE.

( camera clicks )

OOOH!

YOU ARE A PRETTY
LITTLE THING.

ARE YOU STAYING ON
AFTER THE PARTY?

IT ALL DEPENDS.

( camera clicks )

OOOH!

YOU HAVE VERY
SENSITIVE BOSOMS.

AS SOON AS WE START
THE NEXT SONG,

GET THE PAINTINGS.

ROGER.

GRUBER?

YOU'RE A BIT
OF A PHILISTINE, YOU KNOW?

YOU PLACED
THE PIANO IN FRONT OF MY FAVORITE STATUE.

I WANTED MY COLLEAGUES
TO ADMIRE IT.

SCHMITTELING,

MOVE THE STATUE
OVER THERE.

AND NOW,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

BY SPECIAL REQUEST,

AN OLD FAVORITE,

"LOUISE."

A ONE, TWO, THREE,

- FOUR.
- ( record plays )

STAND BY.

OH MY GOD!

YES?

THEY HAVE MOVED
THE STATUE.

IT IS NOW 12 FEET
TO YOUR LEFT.

LEAVE IT TO US.

WHY HAVE YOU
STOPPED?

THE ELASTIC ON MY KNICKERS
HAS SNAPPED.

I DO NOT WISH
TO KNOW THAT.

MONSIEUR ALPHONSE,
CAN YOU RAISE,

FROM MY KNEES,
MY KNICKERS?

OH, HECK.

MY DICKY TICKER.

GET ON WITH IT.

( crash; shattering )

Michelle:
THAT WAS

THE WRONG WINDOW.

WE HAVE THE PAINTINGS.

THE HEAD IS BACK ON.

GOOD, FOLLOW ME.

- Edith: RENE?
- YES?

I KNOW THE WORDS
TO THIS SONG.

DO YOU THINK
I SHOULD SING IT?

EDITH, WE ARE
IN ENOUGH TROUBLE.

THE GENERALS
KNOW YOUR VOICE.

OH GOD! LOOK!

♪ EVERY LITTLE BRUISE ♪

♪ SEEMS TO TWITTER LOO-OS ♪

♪ THE BIRDS IN THE TROOS ♪

♪ SEEM TO TWOTTER LOO-OS ♪

♪ EACH LITTLE ROOS ♪

♪ TELLS ME HE KNOOS ♪

♪ I LIVE YOU ♪

♪ I LIVE YOU ♪

♪ EVERY LITTLE BOAT ♪

♪ THAT I FEEL... ♪

WHAT ARE YOU TWO
DOING IN THERE?

NOTHING.

IT IS THE D FLAT HAMMER.

♪ EACH LITTLE SOUL ♪

♪ TELLS ME THAT I ADEAR YOU ♪

♪ YOU-OOO. ♪

( theme music playing )

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