All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017): Season 1, Episode 9 - I Am Fartacus - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

I'm okay!

Wait, what happened last time?

They were hamantaschens!

Chapter Tesha!

Thrax destroy!

Who's a good boy, Thrax?
Give me a kiss.

Who's my strongest, unbeatable,
number-one gladiator?

Yes, you are!

Thrax, foosa!

You are a foosa.



And yes, you're gonna help
me do my evil bidding

and get my throne
back, aren't you?

Speaking of disgusting idiots...

What's your name, boy?

Uh...

Foosa name... Uh...

Dude, what's our name?

Um...

Didn't we learn about
gladiators in lemur school?

And of course, the strongest,
bravest gladiator of all

was the mighty, powerful...

Oh...

I got it!

I am Fartacus!



Fartacus?

No. I am Fartacus.

I Fartacus!

What? It's my real name. Rawr!

I am Fartacus!

Maurice, why are
they laughing at me?

Lunch!

It's a very real name.
You guys, wait up!

Fartacus?

What kinda dummy do you
think I am, nephew?

Where are we?

And why aren't we heading
back to the kingdom? Sage?

Before we can go back, there's
something I need to find.

What do you got there?
Oh, let's have a look.

Koto and me before
life swept our youth

into the dustpan of time.

A dustpan held by an hourglass
dressed as a French maid

who was paid with tears.

You and Koto as kids?

Oh, that is adorable.

What was I thinking with that haircut?
Frosted tips?

Right, right, so this is cute,

and, uh, it's fun, and
all that good stuff,

but every minute that
we waste reminiscing

is time we could be
using ourselves,

you know, the ultimate
weapon to get

back to the kingdom
and destroy Koto!

- Sure. There's just one thing.
- Hmm?

Koto is my brother, and I
don't want to destroy him

if I can save him.

Ugh!

Mmm. Gorp. Am I right? Gorp.

Mmm... Eat your gorp, Mo-Mo.

I'm not eating.
What's the point?

"What's the point"?

We gotta stay strong
so we can fight

as gladiators at
Koto's wedding, man.

You're gonna get us both killed!

Maurice, relax.

Name, name one time that I've
put us in harm's way. One.

But did we actually die any
of those times, Maurice?

Exactly. No. So eat your gorp!

I'm not eating.

Not eating!

Yes, you are!

No.

Yeah. I know you're
gonna eat your gorp

'cause you don't get a cookie
if you don't eat the gorp

when I tell you to eat the gorp.
So eat the gorp!

You, Fartacus!

You're wanted in the arena
for a practice fight. Now!

I had the pleasure of meeting
your boy Fartacus earlier.

Sugarbottoms, is it?

Uh, Colonel Theodore
Sugarbottoms.

Retired military officer.

Father was a colonel, and
his father before him.

Uh... Oh.

Oh, no, thanks.
I'm on a cleanse.

Oh!

I mean, don't mind if
I do take a dip...

in that delicious,
slimy, moist...

Be free, little snail.

Run like the wind!

Right, "Colonel." That's
quite an accent you have.

- Where are you from again, Colonel?
- Oh, uh...

It's a small town you've probably
never heard of, but it's...

Oh, it's real. It's
very, very real.

Well, try me, anyway. I'm
pretty well-traveled.

Uh...

Well, it's called, uh...

Kentarkansas.

Yep, good old Kentarkansas.

"Where the wild oats sway"

"and the Orioles always
nest off-season."

Ahem.

I have the gladiators.

The ones you asked for.

Yes, Thraxy.

Are you ready for fighty?

We gotta fight Thrax?
We gonna die!

Relax, Mo-Mo. I'm not a math guy

but I'm pretty sure there
is a zero-percent chance

of anyone actually
dying here today.

Come here, Thraxy. I want
you to rip this one apart.

If you find anything on the
inside that looks appetizing,

rip that apart too, will ya?

I don't see why we have to feed
the little schmegegel coffee.

Caffeine always makes
me feel so verklempt.

I told you, Mom-Bot.

I need Smart Mort to help
me fix the broken portal

and he only comes out when we
feed regular Mort some coffee.

Oh, that's nice.

You can have a
partner to help you

with your science experiment.

It's not a science experiment.

This is really important work.

Remember that little
donut-dipper you made

with Ari and Adam...

in Mrs. Siegel's
fifth-grade science class?

You mean a memory I
programmed you with?

Yes, I remember it!

You would twirl
that little handle,

and your fingers would
never touch the milk.

This is different.

We're opening a dimensional
portal to another universe

To challenge the
evil Morticus Khan

and gain access to his
army to take on Koto!

Well, make sure and go
potty before you leave.

- Why?
- Um...

Maybe we can move this along?

Yes. Thank you, Mort.

Oh, boy, he's coming!

Smart Mort! Come out here!

Never. Madagascar is
full of imbeciles.

I can't take it.

Please, Smart Mort. The
portal thingy's broken.

Timo needs you.

Did you at least turn it off and
then turn it back on again?

You see? This is
why we need you!

You are crazy, Sage.

Koto is pure evil. You
can't make him good.

You're wrong.

Wait until he sees this.

Behold!

A lunch box?

No. It's a lunch box...

of time!

Yeah, it just looks like
a regular lunch box.

Buckle up, Clover.
I'm gonna say stuff.

And some of it might make sense.

Before Koto found out
that I was next in line

to be warrior king

we were brothers, friends.

As kids, we would play outside

for at least 15 minutes a day

as every child should.

One day, he carried me,

what couldn't have been
less than 1,000 miles,

to visit the medicine man...

who healed me.

Aw. Well, that was so nice,

to carry you all that way.

Uh, yeah.

I know.

That's why I'm telling you this.

We would face danger together.

We would laugh together.

For days on end.

Oh! You...

You kept the bug.

But it was this tooth that
became our truest bond.

Wow! He really... He just, uh...

He just lodged that
right up in there, huh?

- Yes.
- Mm-hmm.

There is good in him.

Deep down beneath that
layer of venison urine,

which protects him from
wild boars during estrus...

is my younger brother, Koto.

And I will bring him
back to the light.

Dearly beloved foosa.

We are gathered here
today for a fight!

Now, most of us know by now

that Thrax tends to get
a little carried away

during these practice rounds.
Oh, would you look at that.

My trophy case has
an opening slot.

It's okay, Maurice. We
got this, I promise.

Now, the key to this match
is, whatever you do,

don't fall down into the
pit of 100%-certain death.

Pit of 100%-certain what?

I'm sure he's exaggerating.

I did mention that
this practice fight

was a fight to the
death, didn't I?

I don't understand.

I've tried everything.
What are we missing?

Smart Mort, what are you doing?

Did you plug in Avogadro's
number like I told you?

Yes. I think... No.

Uh, yes?

And did you carry the one?

You always forget
to carry the one.

I don't know, Smart Mort.

That's why I brought you here.

And you're not helping.

You don't understand how
much it hurts me to be here.

I'm just... I'm too smart.

Now, hold on just
a second, boys.

You're getting all shvitzy.

Do you mind if I nudge in here?

You know, Smart Mort,

I can't tell you how much
Timo used to struggle

with his intelligence as a boy.

Mom-Bot, please! Don't...

Just a second, Timo. Shecket!

But every time he was down,

because he thought his
brains were too big

to fit into this "stupid,
stupid world," we sang a song.

- You did what?
- We sang a song!

Oh, Mom-Bot!

Well, I suppose I know
something about that.

Now, listen close,
this is important.

That's right.

I think I'm getting it.

It works!

Woo-hoo!

Multiverse, here we come!

Fight!

Thrax intimidate!

Nice try, Thrax. But
you're gonna have to...

Doesn't look like it's gonna be

a very long fight, Sugarbottoms.

Oh! Come on, Fartacus!

Let me out!

Stay calm, Mo-Mo.
You'll blow our cover.

It don't matter,
man, we gonna die!

Mmm...

I can't believe I'm
gonna say this,

but if you truly think you
can help make Koto good,

and save Madagascar
without violence

even though I just,
I love violence,

I will support you.

That means a lot to me. And
I'm not just saying that

because I find meaning in virtually
all things on the planet.

You're welcome.

I think. Now, let's go.

All right, so call your hawk.

On it.

Let's do this.

Hmm?

Huh? He usually
just picks me up,

like a stork would a
fully-ripe newborn.

Maybe he couldn't see us.

I think he sees us!

Is that your hawk, Sage,
about to kill us?

Whoa, boy! Heel!

It's not my hawk! Not my hawk!

Koto, this is so not muy bien.

Taking a trip down
memory lane, Babak?

Run away!

Come on, man!

- No!
- This way.

No, this way.

We gotta at least try to
hit him or something.

Stop it, Maurice!

Mo-Mo, this is no
time to be a wimp.

I need you, man! Like,
literally, you're my hind legs.

I'm not ready to go!
I like my life!

Ow, that hurt!

Wow!

Did you see that?

I can't see anything down
here except your stinking...

Uh...

Yay, we did it!

No!

Be free, you joyous
balls of slime, you!

Woo-hoo!

We did it! We survived!

Told ya. We can
never die, Mo-Mo.

It's like a rule or something.

Yeah, you messed with
the wrong foosa!

'Cause this foosa can
never, ever die!

The dark one is nigh.

I'm going to convince him

to hand over the Mort army...

with the power of persuasion!

I'm not sure that'll work.

Mort.

Show yourself, Khan!

Morts!

Ah, Smart Mort.

We finally meet.

We've come for your army, Khan.

Well, you can't have it!

Well, the man can't
be reasoned with.

I am afraid I must
leave you both now.

I'm of no use in
hand-to-hand combat.

But that's all right because...

It's okay to be me

Farewell, friends!

Hi.

Where are we?

No.

Don't hurt my man-hawk. Please!

Oh, hush, ya big cry baby.

Koto, brother.

We are not brothers anymore,

as witnessed by you not
bearing our family's name.

You are my brother.

Nothing can change that.
Not a name,

not even your slightly
dated goatee.

Look, please, our lunch box...

of time!

That tooth. Oh, my brother.

We... We are family.

Yes. It is me, Koto.
Your brother.

Your womb-mate.

How could I be so horrible?
Thank you, Sage.

This box of memories
has changed me.

I can see the light, and
all because of this...

completely meaningless junk!

All that time spent
with butterflies

and talking ferns has
truly weakened you.

Mother and Father would
be ashamed of you.

I am ashamed of you. My hawk
is ashamed to even know you.

Well, unfortunately,
your shame has no power.

And when I wed the
Crocodile Princess

and gain the Crocodile
kingdom's allegiance

I will rule all of Madagascar.

It is finally time to make
Madagascar great again!

Koto, think about what you're doing.
Our family. Our past.

Thinking... Thinking...
Okay, done.

Much better.

Guards, take the prisoners back

and throw them into the dungeon.

Oh, but before we go,
burn the village.

There's nothing
left for me here.

Hang on, Mo-Mo. I got you.

It can't hold us, Your Majesty.
It's gonna rip!

Hold tight! I'm
thinking, Maurice!

There's no time to think!

It's too much weight!
We're gonna fall!

No, Maurice! I told you!
We're never gonna die!

King Julien, this doesn't have
to be the end for both of us.

What are you saying, Mo-Mo?
I don't understand.

I can get us out of here.

Get your kingdom
back, Your Majesty.

I'll see you again...

in Frank-ri La.

Don't you dare! You're
my best friend!

And you're not going
anywhere without...

No!

I love you, King Julien!

Mo-Mo...

Maurice, how am I supposed
to do this without you?

Oh, nephew, nephew, nephew!
You can't even die right!

What are you talking
about, Uncle?

Oh, I am so mad right now!

You alone stand in the way
of my butt on my throne.

You and Koto. And a giant army
of mountain lemur soldiers.

And overwhelming odds.

And the fact that most
people seem to hate me!

Okay, it's everybody against me!

You get the point,
don't you, Nephew?

Thrax was supposed
to destroy you!

Mary Ann, it was my nephew
who took out your men.

And you!

Now, hold on just
a minute, there.

Don't you "hold on just
a minute there," Ted.

What? But how did you know?

You know, I tried to let you
die with dignity, Nephew.

But now, I'm gonna have
to handle it myself.

Mary Ann, go ahead,
do your thing.

With pleasure.

Go ahead! Eat me!

I don't even know
where I am anymore.

I just want my best friend back.

Here let me help.
Do it, Mary Ann!

Do it! Oh, yeah!

- Oh...
- Oh, please!

Karl?

Great job on the light
show, Chauncey.

Excuse me? Who is this buffoon?

That's my arch nemesis, Karl,

and his filthy
cockroach, Chauncey.

They're, like,
together or something.

You've never told your
uncle about me, Julien?

I'm the one.

"The one" what?

The one who's going to put King
Julien back on the throne.

King Julien.

By George, I think
I'm getting it!