All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017): Season 1, Episode 5 - Raiders of the Lord Shark - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

I'm okay!

Lots of crazy stuff happenin'.

Make up gives me eczema.

Chapter cinque.

Oh, boy.

Please don't be afraid.
We need your help.

It's a trick. I'm not
going out as fish food.

I'll take a flame
thrower to this ocean.

Ted, can you please shut Pancho
up so I can think for once?

Very funny, K... Hey. Oh!



Okay, okay. First things first.

How is it that we
can understand you?

I mean, usually, all you
guys sound like is like...

Gotcha!

With the blow holes
and everything.

Only above the water.

Underwater, we can talk
just like everyone else.

Hmm. Yes, that makes
perfect sense.

You said you need our help?

Yes. Lord Shark has
been captured.

Captured?

- Oh, jeez, it hurts!
- By whom?

The dolphins.

Stupid dolphins!



Yeah, hate those dolphins.

Mo-Mo, is it me, or are
these sharks kind of dorks?

Aren't dolphins the good guys
and sharks supposed to be...

The villains? Dolphin propaganda.
It started years ago.

No. For too long, we've shared
the sea with inferior fish.

Ugh!

This whole sea sucks.
It's time for action.

Jolly good, Trent. Let's start with crabs.
Pointless creatures.

We'll get to the crabs, Kipper.

But first, let's
talk about sharks.

They called their plan
"The Aquatic Solution."

The first thing they did, was
they framed sharks for murder.

Ow!

Dude, stop yanking on my leg.

Dude, that wasn't me.

Rawr!

And now they moved on
to the next phase,

selling all sea life except
dolphins to Russian oligarchs

for their home aquariums.

Lord Shark is our leader.

We know what happened
to you, King Julien.

Help us rescue him and we'll
help you regain your kingdom.

No offense, but you guys are
kind of useless on land.

I mean, what are you gonna do?

Flop all over the
Mountain Lemurs?

Ted, please! Shut up.

Tell us more about this
thing you call "help."

We know of an army of
warriors not far from here.

We'll take you to them
once Lord Shark is safe.

Lies! Dolphins are
sweet and lovable.

They jump through hoops
of fire and whatnot.

Sharks are killers.

Oh!

My own army, Maurice.
We could defeat Koto.

Or Pancho is right
and this is a trick.

Maybe we should come
up with a backup plan.

Yeah, that sounds like it
would take a lot of time,

and I'm kind of in a hurry.
So, yoo-hoo!

- We're in.
- Mother!

Mommy.

It's dusty in here.

Just stay behind me, baby,
and inhale Mama's wind.

Mort! So help me,

if Todd's golden throat
is damaged in any way...

Look. A light.

Huh?

Oof!

Butterfish. Help me.
My thighs are caught.

Todd, help me give
your momma a hand.

Ow!

Dang, baby.

We did it, everyone. We're free.

Now we can help King Julien.

Boy, that Koto sure

turned out to be...

Hmm?

- Hi.
- Take them.

How the heck did they
find us so fast?

Simple, there was a traitor
in your midst. Me.

You were King Julien's friend.

It's called "survival,"
you unwashed yeti.

As in, mine, not yours.

The Crocodile Ambassador
and I have made a deal.

I give his kingdom
its freedom and,

in exchange, I get the
support of his army

and the hand of the Crocodile
Princess in marriage.

I just adore young love. Amy!
Come out here, sweetheart.

Hey, Koto. 'Sup?

Ugh! Dad, this tiara
is too small.

I have so much hate in my
heart right now for you.

I hate you! Forever!

I'll take care of that
right away, angel.

You have to do
something, Mordecai.

Oh. There's nothing we can do.
Koto is too powerful.

I'd like to see how
powerful he is

when I chew through his
Achilles' heel. Yummy!

Oh!

It can't end this way.

Brodney, think fast!

Everyone scatter!

Right. According to the
map Jarsh-Jarsh gave us,

the ultimate weapon we
seek is through this cave.

Did you hear that?

You mean time clicking toward
the destiny of our mortality?

I hear it constantly.

No, that!

Spiders riding bats. Cool.

Not cool. Run!

Hi-yah!

Get along, horsey. Cowboy
Ted is riding this range.

These aren't horses, Ted.
And we aren't on a range.

Won't matter when we're eaten.

I'm on a shark, here!
I'm on a shark!

Will you shut it, you thick-wits?
We're getting close.

How could anything with teeth
like that be called a lord?

It's called a night guard.
Look it up, bro.

I hear they eat trash.

Oh, Kipper. "Raised by
trash" is more like it, bro.

Lord Shark's parents
are good people.

Ugh! Stupid dolphins!

Gonna have to agree, the
dolphins are jerks.

What's the plan, King J?

Drain the ocean? Cut
off their air supply?

Uh, excuse me, that
would kill us, too.

And your point is?

No one's cutting
off anyone's air.

Okay, here's the sitch. We're
gonna pull off a heist.

Oh! Can I be the
seasoned gentleman thief

dragged back into
my life of crime?

Can I have a limp?

What do you know about
pulling off heists?

Have you forgotten so quickly

the true crime magazines
I found in Junk Harbor?

I totally know how to
speak criminal, dude.

True crime, my fuzzy armpit.

But before we can pull it off,

I need one more
member on the team.

Seize them! Seize them all!

Just one more sip!

My beverage!

Butterfish, help me!

Man, hang on. You guys
still serving dinner?

Todd!

Coming, Mother.

Oh, what am I going to do?
My King Julien needs me.

Ow!

Hm?

Zora, where is the fool, Mort?

Apparently, he was the ringleader
of this pathetic escape.

I...

I don't know, my king.

Well, find him and kill him.

I want these interns to see

what happens when
they defy my will.

Tracks lead this way.

Oh. I have to hide.

Ow!

Come on.

Where am I?

Looks like you finally

went down the wishing
well, Mordecai.

Grammy Mort? Why am I here?

And why do I look like this?

You wanted to hide.

This is your home now.

This is the real you.

No! Let me out of this place!

And stop flashing that light in
my eyes, you crazy old woman!

Where you going, Mort?
You'll never defeat Koto.

Don't you wanna
hide with Grammy?

No, Grammy. I don't
want to hide.

I want to fight.

Hi-yah! Get off me! Gross.

Ah! Sage, where are you?

Thank you, my friends, for the
honor of being your nourishment.

Are you out of your mind?
These things wanna eat you!

Yes. They have also promised

to lay their eggs in
my lifeless husk.

I feel so blessed.

Grrr...

Come on, let's get out of
here before anything else...

Ah!

Happens.

King Julien, are you
sure about this?

You know what's down there.

If we want to rescue Lord Shark
and get ourselves an army,

we need what's in that hole.

Once again, I think a
backup plan would...

Sorry, Maurice. Gonna
have to speak faster.

I'm on a timetable here.
Right behind you, though.

Now, remember, if I need your
help, I will ask for it.

Maurice! Help!

Hey, now, Tentacle.

- Can't we talk about this?
- Talk? Ow!

He's a deadly tentacle! Ah!

They suck and ooze,
they don't talk!

I can talk.

Just because my mouth
is on my posterior pod

doesn't mean I can't talk.

Uh, duh! Of course.

Why would you say something
so mean, Maurice?

Uh... So, we got off to
kind of a bad start before,

with the whole sacrifice
thing, but I was wondering...

No. Leave.

That mean guy already
made me a vegetarian.

Haven't you done enough?

Your Majesty, let's go.

What, Maurice? You think
Tentacle is hiding something?

Don't antagonize him!

I'm probing for weakness.
It's a heist thing. Oof!

I'm not hiding from anything.

You've been talking to my dad?

Bingo! Daddy issues. We're in.

Hey, buddy, I know how you feel.

There's this guy, Koto,

not my dad, but he made
me want to hide, too.

'Cause you wouldn't play sports?

He imprisoned my kingdom

and tried to feed me to a snake.

So, yeah. Sports.

Sports was all my dad
ever cared about.

Boy, I want you to
give it a good whack.

Papa, I don't wanna play sports.

I wanna express
emotions with words.

I wanna be a lyrical troubadour.
A poet.

I raised you to absorb the flesh

of the weak and play
ball, Tentacle.

- Think fast.
- Ow!

I wanna be a poet. You're
not gonna stop me.

Can't feed a family of
tentacles on dreams.

You're a failure, Tentacle!

Failure!

I ran away that night. Left
my planet and settled here.

I did not see that
backstory coming.

Nice probing, Your Majesty.

T-man, I'm sorry you
were so lame growing up.

I know what's it like to
have to prove yourself.

Huh. Kind of the
reason I'm here.

I'd like to help you
prove to your dad

that you are not a failure.

Are you gonna publish my poetry?

Let's not push it, you know.
Huh!

I'm talking about helping
me get my kingdom back.

Tentacle, how would you
like to be a criminal?

Let's do this.

Phew! Let's see those
Mountain Lemurs

get past this
gauntlet of psycho.

Uh-oh.

Ow!

I'm okay. Ow!

I feel so rested.

He wasn't giving
us shelter, Sage.

He was trying to eat us.

Huh?

So, to recap,

while following this map,

we've been attacked and cocooned
by spiders riding bats,

fallen down a bottomless pit,
and eaten by a crocodile.

You know what I think?

That this day couldn't
get any better?

No! I think there is
no ultimate weapon.

Patience, Clover.

The Jarsh-Jarsh
sees 40 steps ahead

on an escalator with
only 12 floors.

Argh! Your mentor is
trying to kill us!

I'm sorry, but I'm gonna
need more proof than that.

This proof enough for ya?

Okay, check it. This heist
is gonna be old-school.

No one wants to end
up in nippers.

- Know what I'm sayin', Ted?
- I do not, sir.

Excellent. Obviously,
with a knock-over,

we don't want no
Chicago overcoats.

Anything seems Perry, I wanna know.
Don't jerk a nod.

Is the king having
some sort of a stroke?

King Julien, no one knows
what you're saying.

What the heck's a nipper anyway?

Okay, fine. We're gonna
distract the dolphins

and break Lord Shark out of the
cage while they aren't looking.

Better?

Commander Clueless
here, Your Majesty.

How exactly are we gonna
distract the dolphins?

With our secret weapon.
Come on out, buddy.

Oh, golly! Not a fan!

Another tentacle!

Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?

King Julien, I'm coming.
Let Mort heal you.

What?

Mort, it's okay.

You're safe.

I found you and
brought you here.

I was afraid you were dead.
These are such dark times.

Where are we?

You're in the time-share I
split with a bush baby.

I come here after awards
season to decompress.

The bush baby never comes
in the off-season,

so I knew it'd be empty.

I can't stay here. I need
to help King Julien.

I wouldn't. The jungle is
crawling with Mountain Lemurs.

You're safe here.

I figured you'd need to clean up,
so I made you a bubble bath.

No thanks, not thirsty.

Such a wit.

Whatever, bird lady. Kind of out
here in the middle of nowhere.

Sometimes, nowhere is
the safest place to be.

Huh?

Hey, where's Pancho?

Special assignment.
He'll rendezvous later.

Rawr!

If you're looking for a handout,
old boy, the answer is no.

Yes. Get a real
job, you dissident.

It's working,
they're distracted.

Keep it down, shark nerds.
It's heist time.

So, you're telling us you're
not useless sea trash,

but actually an alien life
form that writes poetry?

From the looks of him, I'm
guessing his poetry...

sucks.

Why are you guys so mean?

Duh. We're dolphins.

I want you to give
it a good whack.

Get a real job, you dissident.

Hiding something?

From the looks of him,

I'm guessing his poetry sucks.

What's the hold-up, Ted?

Oh, the darn seawater's
making my fingers swell.

Ugh! They're like unwieldy
sausages, King Julien.

Better hurry. Tentacle looks
like he's in trouble out there.

We're not blowing
my first heist.

Ted, out! Ned, tap in and
bite that lock off, buddy.

You know, I bet our Russian
friends would buy him.

Yes. His suckers would make

wonderful cold weather hats.

You guys remind me of my dad.

Trent, barbarians at the gate.

I got the lock.

Geek-splosion later.
Ted, get the crate open.

King Julien, look!

No! Just another second!

And this is me covering my
first celebrity wedding.

Wow, this is so fascinating.

Not really, but I gotta go!

Wait. Mort, what's your hurry?

Look, Xixi, I get it.
You dig me.

Probably because of my
natural secretions.

Scientists think it's some
unclassified pheromone.

Maybe alien, I don't know.

I just thought with everything
going on out there,

the safest place might
be here with me.

My King Julien needs me.

Until I've gotten his kingdom
back, there is no safe place.

Wait, don't!

- Oh!
- Well, lookie here.

Think you forgot your
curtain call, mate.

How could you?

I'm sorry, Mort.

Koto promised to
give me a new show.

Get him!

Whoa!

Ow!

Don't lose him again, you skrogs,
or Koto will have your hide.

I'm sorry, my King
Julien, I've failed.

Grrr...

That is it! I am done!

I have wasted enough
time on you, that map,

and any hope your mud-loving
mentor could ever...

- We found it.
- We, what?

Found it? The ultimate weapon?
Where?

Through those trees.

Yeah, all right.

Through those trees, eh?

And into the stomach
of a horrible creature

that wants to predigest us
and feed us to its young.

Is that where it is?

I've been predigested before.

This feels different.

Fine. How much worse could it...

I don't believe it.
The ultimate weapon.

This is happening.

I'm sorry I lost my
temper, King Julien.

They were just so mean. Dad was right.
I'm a failure.

Hey, you are not a failure.

You did something
really brave, Tentacle.

But I blew it.

No, I blew it...

is what I wanted the
dolphins to think!

You can come out now, there's
no sign of the dolphins!

Lord Shark?

Pancho? King Julien, how?

A little something I like
to call "a backup plan."

Just in case we had
trouble with the heist,

Ted, I had Pancho
return to the sub

to retrieve one of the warheads.

If the dolphins caught us,

I instructed Pancho to
free Lord Shark himself,

and replace him
with the warhead,

which weighs roughly
the same amount.

When the dolphins returned,

they had no idea
they'd been duped.

Yep. In the true crime
criminal speak,

they call that the
"old switcheroo."

No one calls it that.

Don't you think you could
have maybe, I don't know,

told the other guys on your
heist team what the plan was?

Uh... You would think.

Nope. Man, I love it when
a plan comes together.

So, I'm not a failure?

No, you are not, Tentacle.

Right now, the dolphins
are on their way

to sell a warhead
to the Russians,

instead of Lord Shark.

That's a big win, and it couldn't
have happened without you.

Now, where's my army?

Gah! Monkeys?

This is the army you promised me?
Argh!

No. No way. Where are you going?

Get back here!

This wasn't the deal!
We saved your leader!

I told you we couldn't
trust those sharks.

But does anyone ever
listen to the felon?

No!