All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Most Eggcellent Adventure - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

I'm okay!

Check this, homeslice.

I was cold!

Chapter two.

Land! We've hit land!

Move, Pancho.

That song!

It's calling to me.

Hello, it's me. The Julien
formerly known as King Julien.

I'm here.



Where's it coming from?

I think it's coming
from over there.

Wow!

Are you sure we
should be following

a group of strange lemur
ladies into the jungle?

Hmm, let me think about that.

Yeah! Of course, we should!

Did you hear the part
about food and hammocks?

Chop-chop, Ted. Move the tushy.

This is good. We have a plan.

We're going to see your guru,

get the world's most
powerful weapon,

and then use it to defeat Koto.
I like this plan.

So, how much longer
till we get there?



At this rate? I don't know.

- Maybe 10-15 years.
- Years?

Yes. My guru lives atop
a very high mountain.

Like, really high.

To get there, we'll need
to cross 15 raging rivers,

three of the world's
driest deserts

and 8000 miles of open ocean,

which is, of course,
shark infested.

It's not a bad swim, actually.

Um, maybe we could
just fly there?

Oh, yeah, flying would
make it a lot easier.

Wish I had thought of that.

I've spent 20 years of my life
traveling there and back. Huh.

Okay, no problem. Just call
your hawk and let's go. Huh?

What's wrong? Do the thing. You
know, the thing when you...

The Hawk Call. Do it!

I can't.

What do you mean you can't?
Why not?

I have to get King Julien's kingdom back.
I have to, Sage.

And I are no longer partners

in each other's
spiritual progress.

What? Why?

We... We grew apart.

Who puts an empty mealworm
carton back in the pantry?

Just throw it away.
Is that so hard?

What did I say this time?
Can't you just tell me?

Oh, the silent treatment.

So original!

I'm going out with
friends, okay?

Yeah, there might be
other hawks there,

but I'm pair-bonded with you.

So, we're stuck with
each other, okay!

So much drama.

And now, we're no longer
on screeching terms.

Your hawk's gone?
Like gone-gone?

Like a sweet aroma snatched
from the sky by a selfish wind.

Okay, then we just need
to get another hawk

to fly us to your guru.

How do we get another hawk?

In my tribe there is
an ancient ritual.

In order to become
one with the hawk,

you must witness its birth,
making your two souls into one.

I remember the birth of my hawk.

This is it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Seriously?

You're telling me you
actually birthed a baby hawk?

No, that would be biologically
impossible and also gross.

This is it!

Hmm-mm. Beans.

Son!

Come on, Sage. Let's
go get us a hawk egg.

We must hurry. Hatching
season is almost over.

You need an unhatched
egg for this to work.

Ow, ow, ow.

Whoa!

King Koto, I have...

This is the best part. Watch.

Comedic genius, right there!

Hmm. Huh?

Oh.

Funny.

Again!

King Koto, could I try
some of my new material?

Here's a taste.

So, I recently tried
speed dating.

Anybody else ever do that?

Boo! Do your regular act.

Wait, wait. How about ring-tailed
lemurs be dancing like this.

But mouse lemurs, they
be dancing like...

Silence! You will do it
again exactly as before.

That is the secret of comedy.

Repeating the exact same thing
over and over and over again.

- But...
- Now, jester!

Yes, King Koto.

No, thank you.

More for me.

Is it me or does food taste
better on this island?

Oh, yeah.

It is pretty good. Shame
we'll have to leave soon.

Leave? Are you kidding?

This place is paradise, man.

No one ain't going nowhere.

After what I've been
through, I deserve this.

Food coma, y'all. What-what!

What. Ah, what. What.

Is it me or are they being a
little bit too nice to us?

Hello, that's what
I've been saying.

Guys, stop being so negative.

These very musically-inclined
lemur ladies

are clearly just doing
something nice for us

out of the kindness
of their hearts.

- We should be grateful.
- But what about the kingdom?

Bup-bup! I thought we agreed

we weren't gonna
mention the "K" word.

- But...
- Maurice, no!

I've been through an ordeal,

and I'm not ready to
enter the action phase.

I need to spend some time
in the relax-ion phase.

Don't you think I've
earned a little pampering

after having my kingdom
stolen from me?

Oh, yeah. Oh, thank you.
Oh, that is so...

Don't be afraid to
use your elbow.

It's a little... Yeah, really good.
Left side.

Lots of tension.

What about your people?
They need you.

Oh! I can't help them.
No, don't stop.

Going back would be a
suicide mission, Maurice.

They're on their own. Ah...

- You're wrong. You can help.
- That's it!

Ah. Go! Go now!

Go where?

Away from my face.

Come back when you're
ready to board

the express train to Happyville.

King Julien!

Toot! Toot! All aboard! I
hope your name's not Maurice.

Fine! How 'bout you come find
me when you're ready to make

an unscheduled stop at
Responsibility Station!

That's not even a real place.

Even if it were real, no one
would want to go there.

Why don't you choke on
one of your toenails?

We did it.

We made it before
the eggs hatched.

No, we're too late.

We didn't witness their birth.

They've already bonded
with the mother.

What? No! We can still bond
with one of the hawks.

You cannot perform the
ritual birthing process.

You will never know the
joys of motherhood.

I weep for your loss
and for my own.

I can never replace.

Oh! That one looks like.

Next.

Next.

Next.

That bowl looks dirty, Mort.
How about I get you a new one?

No, thanks. I just cleaned it.

Hey, give that back.

Don't worry. You'll find
you like this one better.

I hope you're hungry.

Clink, clink.

Koto had me doing
pratfalls all day again,

and I lost my appetite

on account of a rib going

through my stomach and stuff.

But you really should
make sure you eat it up.

Get big and strong.

Clink, clink.

Um, something wrong
with your eye?

It's fine. Look in your bowl.

What's this?

Enjoy. Now move along, intern.

Next.

Did anyone see you?

I don't think so.

Okay, we have to be quick.

I've taken it upon myself to
start a resistance movement,

and I need your help, Mort.

You need to find out what's
really going on here.

In the toilet?

No, in the kingdom.

Me? How?

As Koto's jester, you're
with him all day long.

You have access to
his inner circle.

Information is power, Mort.

But with the right information,

you could find a way to help King
Julien get his kingdom back.

- No, King Julien! Mm...
- Yes, Mort.

Now, go! I have another toilet
meeting in a few minutes,

and I need to change
the potpourri.

Toot, toot!

Toot, toot!

Go, toot, toot!

Excuse me for being
the voice of reason.

Someone's gotta
be responsible...

What the...

Oh, no!

I've gotta tell King Julien.

This is my...

Stop blabbering, Sage.

Did you just kiss me?
Not the time, Clover.

And you might wanna shave.

What? No, I slapped you.

I will not fail King Julien.

You said we need a hawk,
so we're stealing a hawk.

Oh. She is very angry.

Wait, Sage, that's it.
You speak Hawk.

Yes, it took me years

to master the language's

rich inflectional system.

Great. Use your rich infection
to tell the hawk mom

why we need one of her babies.

- What did she say?
- She told me I could take one.

She clearly did not
say I could take one.

My bad.

Let's go!

Nurse Phantom?

What do you have for me?

Get this.

Koto likes his eggs over easy,

and his favorite color is red.

Green's a close, followed by
blue which is my favorite.

- Mort!
- Good, huh?

No! All of this
information is useless.

It doesn't matter what
Koto's favorite color is.

- It doesn't?
- No!

Think, Mort.

I have to go. I'm
expecting a package

I need to sign for.

Get us some information
we can use.

Hmm.

Oh. Um, sorry to bother you, King
Julien, but Maurice is gone.

I can't find him anywhere.

He's probably just off
sulking somewhere.

Don't worry. This is paradise.

Nothing bad can happen here.

I mean, look at my hands.

Well, they do look fabulous,
but I don't know.

Maurice has been
gone a long time.

Well, Teddy,

looks like you're gonna have to

go find Maurice yourself.

You'll need your
strength to carry us.

Eat those maggots.

Now, maggot!

You catch more flies with
honey than with vinegar.

And you catch even more with a
quality name brand fly bait.

Nobody asked you, Sage.

Look, you stupid bird.

We're running out of time. Eat!

You must be nurturing
if you ever hope

to earn this bird's
respect and loyalty.

Oh, what a load of old tosh.

Like, this bird even
understands what I'm saying.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow!

He understands.

We tried to do
this the easy way,

but no more Mrs. Nice Guy.

Put on the stinking saddle.

Do we understand each other?

Put on the saddle.

Put on the saddle.

Come here. I said...

You're really bad at this.

Shut it!

I have a status report on
your statue, King Koto.

Yes. Ah, when will
it be finished?

If everything goes as planned,

the unpaid interns should
complete it in one week.

Excellent news.

Not only will I have a
giant tribute to myself,

But I can finally get
rid of the interns.

All of them, sir?

Yes, all of them.

There's no point in
keeping them around

once they've served
their purpose.

Sir, do you think it's
a good idea to discuss

these matters in front of that.

Hmm.

Oh, relax, Captain. My
jester's clearly an imbecile.

I doubt he understands
where he is.

Oh, we understand.

We understand everything.

Maurice!

Oh, Maurice, where are you?

Hello?

Oh, great! And now, I'm lost.

Could this day get any worse?

Okay, open your eyes.

Ta-da!

You said I couldn't tame
this bird, but watch this.

Sit!

Roll over!

Solve this rudimentary
algebra equation!

Sign your work!

Now, fly us to Sage's guru,
so we can save our friends.

Well, Sage, I did it.

I broke this beast.

Destroyed its spirit.

I own this bird.

You were wrong. The aggression
approach works. Ta-ta!

Yes, you have frightened
this adorable baby bird,

but you haven't earned his love.

He'll always miss his mother.

What? No, no, stop that. I
know what you're doing.

You're trying to
make me feel guilty

for taking you from your family.

Well, it won't work,

'cause I am a hardened warrior
on an important mission.

No, it won't work,

'cause I see right
through your...

sweet, innocent eyes,
so full of hope

for the future that
you'll never have.

Oh. Oh, dear. I'm a monster!

What have I done?

Go on. Be free.

I'm not going to ruin another
family just to save my own.

Go. Go get 'em.

Fly. That's it. Yeah, there you go.
Call me.

We'll have to find
another way, Sage.

That was way cool of you.

Tell that to all of
Koto's prisoners.

There is strength in an action.

You did not allow
your rage and desire

for revenge to control you.

That is true power.

That may be. How are we
gonna get to your guru now?

My man-hawk.

I'm so sorry.

I've been a jerk and a hater.
Forgive me.

Forgive me!

Should I... I'll just
leave you two alone.

Yeah, I'm just gonna
be right over there.

Wait!

Heard of your kind act
and he has returned.

Wow, news sure travels
fast in the hawk world.

Yes, they're a very
gossipy species.

What? You know it's true.

He has offered to take us
to my guru's mountain.

- Really? Oh, that's great.
- Thank you s...

Nurse Phantom? Nurse?

Keep it down, Mort.
Someone could hear you.

Oh, sorry. But I
have serious news.

As soon as we finish building
Koto's statue for him,

he is going to kill us all.

Good work, Mort. We
have to warn everyone.

No, it's okay, turn me over.

Let me out!

- Ah! Ah. Eh.
- Let me out! Let me out!

What's going on? Why
are we in a cage?

King Julien, there's a
cave, and bones and...

Who's that?

Oh, boy. The piper's
calling you to join him.

Crimson.

Oh, snuggle bear, how sweet.
You remember me.

Uh, yeah, I remember you. You
tried to kill me multiple ti...

Hold up. You live here?

That's right. With my girls.

Great. So could one of your girls
maybe let us out of this cage?

Aw, no can do, Ju-Jubear.

What? Why? What did we do?

It's Pancho, right? He's got
that weird, coffee-breath

even when he hasn't had coffee.

It's hot like his breath
is hotter than normal.

I don't really know how
else to explain it.

What?

Oh, yeah. Hmm.

No, it's not that.

I'm not sure what
the problem is.

How about we go to the part
where we were having fun

and getting mani-pedis,
eating lots of food.

Huh? What do you say?

Oh, you didn't think
we were feeding you

just to be nice, did you?

Uh, yeah, actually
I kinda did, yeah.

Oh, Julien, no.

We've been feeding you
to fatten you up.

Fatten us up? For what? Winter?
Does it get very cold here?

Oh, no, silly.

Fatten you up to be fed

to the giant tentacle beast
that lives on this island.

That's what I was
trying to tell you.

There's a giant tentacle
beast on this island?

Uh-huh, that's right.

Giant. Huge, in fact.

And very, very hungry.

Me and my girls make
sure he gets fed.

What do you think, girls?

Have we fattened
him up enough yet?

And, mm, you know what, Julien?

- What?
- Since we have a long history,

I think I'll feed you
to the tentacle first.

Well, that's nice.

That's so messed up.

Pancho should get eaten first.

What? Whoa. Hey.