All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Strife Aquatic - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

I'm okay!

Hold on to your booties, kids.
I got something new for you.

Hey, King Julien, they
took your "king" away!

Quiet, Mort.

Chapter one.

King Julien?

King Julien? King Ju...

King Julien, I say this
as a friend and a guy

who has admired you
for many years.

Get it together, you big baby!
For real!



"Together," Maurice? "Together"?
Look at me.

I'm a crown-less, no
kingdom-having, un-royal loser!

- I am naked without that crown!
- Oh, wow. Yeah, you are.

Didn't even notice
till just now.

- Not helping, Pancho!
- It's all my fault.

I let Koto in!

It's my fault he took
over the kingdom.

Oh, yeah, actually you did.

I'm having all sorts of
epiphanies right now.

Pancho! Shut it!

It's not all your
fault, your Majesty.

Koto tricked you.

I know. Into doing
something unselfish

and helping a lemur in need.



Well, believe me,
that's the last time

that's gonna happen!

That's the spirit, Julio!

I say we wipe Madagascar
off the planet.

Mushroom cloud the whole place.
Hoo-ah!

We aren't bombing the kingdom!
All our friends are still there.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger.

- Just blue-skyin' here.
- Eh, we'll come up with a plan.

We'll find a way to
get the kingdom back.

You have to stay strong.

What's the point? We're
lost in the ocean,

we don't have any food. And I
don't deserve to be a king.

If you're dropping out, can
I be your replacement?

I can take or leave

the responsibility,

but I've always wanted
to wield the scepter.

Sorry, Pancho. My kingdom
already has a new king.

Today, we usher in a new era.

No longer will you have
to fear the Foosa.

We will teach the
Foosa to fear us.

We will make Madagascar
great again!

This glorious statue

will serve as a warning

to any who would attack us.

Now, allow me to make
one thing clear.

Not one of you is a slave
or a prisoner of war.

- You are all unpaid interns.
- Is that for college credit?

And of course, any who try
to escape, will be killed.

Now back to work!
And ask yourselves,

"Do you have a
sense of urgency?"

You heard the king. Keep
it moving, interns!

Aw, man, I really wish I had
gotten placed in the mailroom.

Do not worry, everyone. My
King Julien will save us.

Are you really that
much of an idiot?

Probably.

The party-boy king abandoned us

to save his own butt.

There's no getting out of here.
We're stuck.

Surely someone will
save us, right?

On it!

And so then,

and then I'm, then I'm there
and I'm, like, I'm, like...

And then they're, like...

And they're like, "Oh, no!
Her skills,

they're just too powerful!"

"We better give the kingdom back

to King Julien." How
does that sound?

Sage? Sage? Sage? Sage!

Whee!

- Sage! Sage!
- Marry me,

so I may give birth
to our pupae.

Sage? You need to
snap out of it, Sage!

Don't you wanna race
giant butterflies first?

- Mine is named Brendan.
- No!

- No, I do not want to race giant...
- Yah, Brendan! Yah!

Sage!

Huh?

- 'Sup?
- Koto nearly killed me

when I fought him alone. I
need your help to defeat him.

Defeat Koto?

You may as well try to defeat the
ocean or the passage of time

or chronic bad breath.

You're wrong. We can
take back our kingdom.

We can't. And it's all my fault.

Koto conquered the
kingdom because of me.

Huh?

I helped him.

I know you're a little
down in the dumps,

but I think you're gonna like
what we have to show you.

Oh, yeah? Is it a time machine,
so I can go back and kill Koto

- when he was a baby?
- Even better! Well, not even better.

I mean, come on, a time machine?

We could do some serious
damage with one of those.

- Here comes the pain!
- We found food, Your Majesty!

And all sorts of supplies!
Enough to buy us

some time while we figure
out our next move.

FYI, bombing the kingdom back

to the Stone Age is
still on the table.

What kind of food
are we talking?

Deli tray? Sizzling fajitas?
Crab cake sliders?

It's actually just white cans
with the word "food" on them.

Bring on those
mini-quiches, baby!

What happened? This place was
fully stocked an hour ago!

Don't look at me.

You and I were the only ones

- who knew about it.
- Oh, so you think I did it?

Oh, sure, there's a crime,

so you automatically
blame the criminal!

You're profiling me here!

- Maurice!
- Hmm?

I expected better from you, buddy.
Stealing food? Profiling?

Hoo.

- I didn't steal the
food, Your Majesty.

- That's exactly what you say

- every time you steal the food.
- But, this time, it's true!

Okay, listen up, people!

We are gonna starve
in this moldy old

sardine tin if we don't
get it together.

You're right. We need to
stop pointing fingers

and come up with a plan.

Even though Pancho,
Pancho did it!

I say we go through what's left

and figure out how
much time we have

- to find land before we starve.
- Okay, that's a start.

Nice to see someone's
keeping a level head.

Yeah, and if it doesn't work
out, there's always cannibalism.

Bet those haunches are
nice and marbled.

Hoo-ah!

Go ahead, take a
bite, I dare you.

How did you help Koto?
Tell me, Sage!

It's best if I start at the beginning.
There was an explosion,

about 13 and a half
billion years ago.

Soon after, galaxies
began forming...

Skip ahead to the part
about you and Koto!

From a young age, I was
trained by our father

to replace him as
warrior king someday.

We were bitter rivals
from the beginning.

As the first-born son, I
was meant to be the king.

My father's advisers tried to
warn him about my younger brother

about his darkness, his hate

and his anger. But as
long as I held the crown,

Koto's cruel ambitions
would be kept in check.

But I didn't want to be king. I
wanted to be a color or a sound.

Once I was gone, there
was no one to stop him.

Koto vowed to rule
this entire island

with an iron first or
burn it to the ground.

Blah, blah, blah, the end.

Our kingdom fell so
you could be a color?

Yeah, but I could never
make up my mind, though,

about which one.

I like blue, but my
soul kept crying,

"Pistachio. Pistachio!"

My only logical choice now is

to return to nature
where I belong.

You're just saying that as
an excuse to run away again.

The conflicts of the world
are none of my concern.

We are all just kicking
the cosmic footy sack

with a guy named Skeeter
who lives in his van.

Don't you run away
this time, Sage.

This is your chance
to fix your mistake.

Hmm.

Wait, what... Where are you...

Ah...

I yearn to caress your
toe-thumb once more.

Hey, what you got there, Mort?

Nothing! I have nothing.

Oh, come on. Let me take a look.

- Give it. Stop fighting.
- What is this disturbance?

Mort did it! Search him!

- He's been hiding contraband.
- Interns are permitted

Koto-approved contraband only!

Give me back my foot!

Let me make something clear,
Koto is your king now.

As long as Koto is alive,
you will follow my rules.

- This is your first and final warning!
- Ooh!

What do we do? He's so scary.

- And I miss King Julien the most!
- Get it together, you two!

You heard what he said, "As
long as Koto is alive."

I think I'm following.

But maybe explain a little more.

All we got to do is kill Koto.

- Ooh, baby. Daddy likey.
- Yes! Yes! I will kill Koto.

Then King Julien will be
free to come back to me.

Maybe kill Willie too,
while you're at it?

This is it, huh? All the food
left on the entire boat?

We gotta be smart.
Make the food last.

So hungry. I just need to...

Hey!

Save some of that brown
goop for the rest of us!

- No! It's mine!
- We gotta conserve food!

No, we don't! I'm starvin'!

Stop this right now! Please!

I don't think we're
alone on this sub.

Oh, no, here come
the heebie jeebies!

Was that a ghost? I mean this
boat's really old, right?

It could've been built
on an ancient native

burial ground or something.

Nah, that ghostly wail

really could've been,
you know, anything.

Like maybe a demon
or a sea monster.

Or something that plants its
eggs in your chest cavity

real deep-like.

There's lots of choices really!
It's coming for us, y'all.

It's gonna do all kind
of nasties to us!

You think it's got food?

We are its food!

- Sage, get back here!
- Can't make me!

- This is not how heroes act!
- I never said I was a hero.

I'm just an anonymous regular
dude with perfect hair,

abs like challah bread,

and the ability to
communicate with centipedes.

You opened the door for Koto
to enslave the entire island.

How are you not
angry at yourself?

Why can't you just get mad

and harness that anger

to help me save the kingdom?

Sorry, I don't do anger.

I'll give you something
to be angry about!

Like this!

Hmm.

- Still not angry.
- How about now?

Hmm.

Hmm. You cool? You seem
upset about something.

All right, peoples, listen up.

We got a situation that is,

let's just say,
less-than-awesome.

But if we are gonna
start a new life

out on the high seas...

Huh?

- Found a harpoon gun!
- You don't say.

We can use this here tracking
device to find the monster.

Then we corner it, force
it into a torpedo tube.

Or, if the monster is
something delicious

like a ham or a breakfast
burrito, we could eat it.

- Win-Win!
- Hey! That's not half bad, Poncho.

Nice piece of luck finding
that tracking device in here.

Oh, no, I brought
this one from home.

But why would you
have a tracking...

What are you, writin'
my friggin' biography?

I have it, we can use it.

That's all you need to know

I should lead the way.
If I don't make it,

please tell everyone of my

bravery, grace and most of all,

my wow-factor.

Your Majesty, please
don't go out there.

You see any crown on this head?

- I ain't nobody's majesty anymore.
- Huh?

I'm just a drop-dead handsome
lemur with nothing to lose.

Make sure to tell
everyone how cool

that sounded if I don't survive.

Jackpot! Boys,
we've got contact.

Let's go bag us a
monster, Mo-Mo.

Oh!

A beverage, Your Graceliness?

It's rude to drink alone.

Hmm. Oh!

Salud!

Really goes down smooth!

That's disgusting.

I'm okay... Oh, come on!

How's it looking, Pancho?

Take your next right,

and you might be able to
catch it by surprise.

The thing is in there.

We gotta play this smart.
Die, monster scum!

Pancho, your machine
might be broken.

This hallway's empty.
No sign of anything.

No, I'm sure that thing is in
the room with you. Stay frosty.

Where is it?

- I'm getting a little
freaked out now!

- Don't panic!

But I think that thing is
in the ceiling above you.

It's got me! Get off me!

I don't wanna be... I don't
wanna be an action star!

I don't wanna be...

Pancho?

Pancho?

Pancho!

You had enough? Huh?

You angry yet?

Hmm. Are you?

Now, I ask you, which one
of us has been conquered?

What are you going on about?

You said that a hero is
angry and aggressive.

But a real hero

changes the world
through their heart,

soul and pleasant odor.

- Not their fists.
- If I wasn't so winded,

I would keep punching you.

You see, the truest
acts of heroism

are the simplest
saying, "thank you,"

balancing your
neighbor's checkbook,

using the bathroom like
no one's watching.

No one has ever said that.

My spiritual guru did. He
took me in after I left

my old life of royalty,

nursed me on the
pendulous teat of truth.

Where is he now?

Come on, Sage. Come
on, I'm desperate!

Maybe he can teach us
how to defeat Koto!

Does this mean you are ready to
finally listen with your ears

- and not your fists?
- We don't have a lot of options.

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

If I let your guru

teach me to be a real hero

will you help me defeat Koto?

The journey will be long,
difficult, dangerous.

And a lot of the snack
options will not be great.

If this guru will help me save
the island, I say, bring it on.

Okay, I know this must
look pretty bad, but...

Silence! Your recent
actions have not

gone unnoticed by my guards.

- Or by me.
- About... I know, silence. I got it.

And now, you will face the
fate that you deserve.

Hmm?

Ow!

Hmm.

Huh?

Your recent actions
have tickled me!

Um...

- What?
- I would like to cordially demand

that you be my court jester.

- Really?
- What fun is it being a brutal dictator

without laughter? Welcome
to my inner circle.

- So, do I...
- Make me laugh. Now!

Why did you abandon
us, King Julien?

It's so cold.

Oh, no, no...

Did our brarriage
mean nothing to you?

Oh!

Buddy, come on, man, I'm not
the king anymore, I'm...

All right, KJ, lock it up, man.
You got nothing to lose.

This monster can't kill a
king who's already dead.

Uh...

Uh, evil spirit, it is, I,

the artist formerly known as
King Julien the thirteenth.

I'm assuming you've heard of me.

I am here to ask you
to stop tormenting me

and also to tell you, "Not cool,
man," about killing my buddy.

Oh, hey, King Julien!

- It's just Ted, Your Majesty!
- It's Ted!

Whoa!

Ted? Ted!

Why are you wearing
a wedding dress?

- I don't understand the question.
- And, what the heck, man?

You've been the one making
the noise this whole time?

Sorry.

I might have shame-eaten
a few too many

cans of government-issued
food product.

I'm all alone.

All this food is disgusting,
and I can't stop eating it.

Oh, my God, I'm a monster!

I've had a little tummy
ache ever since,

hence all the groaning
and the screaming.

You didn't hear us
searching for you?

I assumed you were monsters

or those mean old
mountain lemurs.

And after I caught that
harpoon in the caboose,

I was like, "Nuh-uh,
Ted's laying low."

- So, where's the rest of the grub?
- It's gone, Your Majesty.

So you're saying the only
thing I have to be happy

about right now is
that Pancho's dead?

- I'm not dead.
- Could this day get any worse?

- I mean, "Yay!"
- I was in a small food coma

from eating too much brown goop.

You didn't even check
my pulse, did you?

Yes, I did... Well,
it slipped my mind.

Anyway, you're here. Great.

I found something on the radio.
Check this out.

- We must be near land!
- Salty cornichons!

That means food! We're saved!

Ha-ha! Pancho,

chart the course for those
singing ladies, buddy.

Just found a new home.

I think we took the cast
off a little early.

I'm not sure all my bones
have grown back yet.

- Dance! Now.
- Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Your guru's at the top
of that mountain?

Yeah, no.

My guru's mountain is, like, so

much farther away
than that mountain.

We have a long journey ahead of us.
Come on.

Guys, I don't want to jinx it,

but I'm about 100 percent sure

nothing bad will ever
happen to us again.