All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 4, Episode 7 - The King and Mrs. Mort - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

I'm okay!

♪ Party ♪

- ♪ Who's the king? ♪
- ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ Who's the king? ♪
- ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

- ♪ Everybody party with King who?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ King who? ♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪



♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

What's wrong with him, Doc?

Can you fix him? Can you?

What is all of that noise?

I'm practicing!

Nurse Phantom, I
said after dinner.

Man, so many noises!

Oh, yes, of course. It's...
so obvious.

What? What's so obvious?

That I really should have finished...
Strike that.

Gone to medical school



instead of being
home-schooled in a cave!

I'm going to have to run some
tests that I don't understand.

Mr. King Julien will need to
remain in my cave for a few days.

But I can't stay here.

The lady... for the Best Kingdom in
Madagascar competition is coming soon.

And the trophy...

I need it. I... I mean,
my peoples need it.

You're too sick, Your Majesty.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty, the
kingdom can't win without a king.

You're just gonna
have to let it go.

But, you know, I suppose,
one of us, you know, me,

could rule in your
place for a day,

- uh, if I had to.
- No!

I need you both by my side.
You guys are my family.

Also, I might need
some of your organs.

If you're donating organs,
mark me down for a spleen.

We'll just use my stand-in
until I'm all better.

Uh, what's his name again?
Soy Sauce?

Oh, you mean Magic Steve.

Umm...

Ugh! Fine. Look,

according to the law I am
coming up with as I speak,

if the king is unable to
fulfilleth his duties,

a temporary replacement can be found
until such time the king returneth

to a good state of health, blah,
blah, blah, bing, bang, boom.

It's part of the system...

Is that legal?

He's the king.

And it can't be too hard to
find a stand-in for a few days.

Uh, where'd everybody go?

Oh, yeah! We're on a
bamboo raft, y'all!

Y2K! We're seriously invincible!

I'm sorry, Your Majesty,

there must have been a scheduling
mishap with the cruise line.

We need that trophy.

Find whatever lemur didn't
end up on that party cruise

and make them king.

Whee! I'm King Julien! Whee!

Ahem.

Eh. Whee. I'm the king!

Whee!

Hmm?

Hi, who are you?

I'm the judge. From
the awards committee.

- Oh, the trophy!
- Pam Simonsworthington.

- Huh?
- And you are...

I'm King Julien.

Your boo-tay looks
smaller in person.

Oh, yeah, I suppose I've
shaved a few pounds lately.

Diet, exercise, got a new razor.

Mmm.

Uh, you want a tour of my kingdom?
Hmm?

Don't worry, Clover.
Everything's gonna be fine.

I hope.

Maurice, Clover,

I'm afraid I have...
terrible news.

- Oh, no!
- What is it?

We're out of pierogies.

There is, however, a frozen
lemon in the freezer,

which would make a fun Popsicle.

I'm not sure if you guys
are more in the mood

for dinner or dessert, though.

I'm so sorry.

What about King Julien?
How is he?

The cockatoo in exam room two?

No! The king!

Oh, King Julien. I'll go check.

Why is your kingdom so... empty?

Is it?

I spend so much time in my
own world, I hardly notice.

But we got plenty of stuff.

- You wanna see?
- Saw it, seems great.

Now, I wanna know more
about you, King Julien.

Wow. Nobody's ever asked me that before,
except when I'm under investigation.

Let me show you a day
in the life of me.

That one there is a picture of
a foot that has feet for toes.

Mmm. Oh, feet-toes.

Was there a lot of
inbreeding in your family?

I think I'm my own grandpa.
Does that count?

You know the best part of my
toenail collection? This.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
give it to baby. Oh.

I don't believe I've ever met
anyone quite like you, King Julien.

It's ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hot
jungle nights, people!

Turn up the heat!

So, Tammy, you and Butterfish...

Umm, is that like a
done deal or what?

I'm gonna get
what's mine, y'all.

That's on me. My bad.

I guess I need to cut down
on the chimichangas, man.

They good.

Oh, boy. Not good.

This stillness at sea can
only mean one thing.

That we lost our sail? Is that right?
Did I win something?

No.

Frank has removed
our wind source

because one of us is cursed.

Huh?

Which one of y'all brought
a curse aboard this ship?

Spill it! Speak, demon!

Well, well, well, Willie.

- Oh, no!
- You are cursed, and must be sacrificed!

Stay still, Mr. King Julien.
The only part that will hurt

is when I attach your head to
the body of this... shark!

Really? That sounds awesome!

I could party it up in
the ocean, and be like,

"Hey, whales, hey, dolphins,
hey, starfish. 'Sup?"

I'll be like a lemur-shark.
Like, a lark.

Start the saw!

Uh, I don't know, Doctor S.

On second thought, I kinda
like my head and my body,

attached to each other.

You know what I'm saying? Huh?

First rule of medicine, once
you've turned on the saw,

you have to use it!
It's the rules.

- What's going on here?
- Huh?

I'm about to have my head
attached to this shark's body.

What? You're supposed to
be curing him, Doctor S.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I
never agreed to help the king.

I just agreed to perform
unlicensed, highly deadly,

and unquestionably illegal
experiments on him... out of a cave!

- Hmm?
- Hmm?

Is it okay to take a break? My
gills are clogged with drain hair.

That's better.

Oh, I'd actually forgotten
you were down there.

Kidding.

So, anyways, I think I've
seen enough of your kingdom.

I'm ready to give
you the trophy now.

Oh, yippee! Whoopie!

We... won!

Hoor... ay!

I'm just gonna need your
little old signature

here, here and here,
from you, the king.

And then here, here, here, here, here,
here, here, here and here, from the queen.

But we don't have a queen.

Oh, my, what a shame. I guess
you can't have the trophy

for Best Kingdom in Madagascar anymore.
So sorry.

Don't blow this, Mortimer.

You have to win the
trophy for King Julien.

I'm trying, but she hated
my toenail showers.

I'm hungry. Anybody
got a biscuit?

Oh, King Julien's gonna
be so mad at you.

Oh, no, I left the oven on.

No, I turned it off.
Before we left.

Where were you when I was trying to
win the trophy, responsible Mort?

Hey, we're all in
this together, guys.

What do you want, Pam?
I'll do anything.

Anything!

Hmm.

Anything?

I swear, if that little oil
stain messed this up for us...

King Julien, we won!

We won? Oh, my goodness!

I'm so happy!

Wait. Nothing.

I feel so much better.

And to think, all I needed was this
little welded piece of fake gold

with a seal on top holding
some sort of animal horn.

- And it's so shiny.
- Yay!

And we got a new queen. Pam.

Wha...

Why, hello, friends. Bow
down before your queen.

Que-Que-Que-Que...

Mort!

No need to thank me.

How did this happen, Mort?
Who are you working for?

No, it's totally legal.
We got married.

Speak now or forever hold...

Hold your peace.

Great. He does. I do. We do.
Kiss the bride.

I'm King Julien. The
real King Julien.

Mort is not the king. We're not
even sure what species he is.

That's true. I'm a bit
of a medical marvel.

I think my dad was a bear.

Mort, just abdicate,
or whatever,

so I can have my throne back.

And my crown.

I'm afraid Mort stepping down
from the throne won't help you.

Will it, Mordecai?

I don't know.

There is no way this can be legal.
Let me just unroll this...

Sorry, chubster.

Let me just read you
the fine print, here.

"If the temporary king marries,
it is legally binding."

Which means, if Mort abdicates, I'll
be the sole ruler of your kingdom.

Your queen!

- Que... Que...
- And you will all bow down before me.

Eh...

She's right, Your Majesty.

We're gonna have to find
another way to get rid of her.

Time for you to go now.

Oh, no, the aggressive
dolphins are back!

You should have thought of that
before you entered our party

- as a cursed man!
- But I'm not cursed.

Really? Then explain why
you have a monkey's paw.

I have the same paws as you.

Sorry, Willie, we're gonna miss
you, but those are the rules.

Now, hold on, everybody. Feeding Willie
to the dolphins, it could work, sure.

But we're gonna run out
of food here real soon,

so, what if we save the
dolphins the trouble

and, you know, eat
Willie ourselves?

Man's got a point. I mean, I
skipped breakfast, y'all.

This lemur's hungry, baby.

Well, what are we waiting for? Reel
him in, people. It's feeding time.

Hmm.

I could take her
out, Your Majesty.

Make it look like an accident.

I've got an even better idea. Make
it look like it was an accident.

I know exactly what to do.

Ambush!

Ow, ow, ow!

Let me know when
Pam's, you know, gone.

Uh...

Pam took Clover out.
Like, really badly.

Huh?

Chicka... What?

What now, Your Majesty?

Don't worry. I've got a backup plan.
Watch out.

Hmm?

Oh, man. I promised I'd give Sage
his hawk back alive and well.

No! No! No! No! No!

It will not end here.

Not for you, brave warrior!

Brave warrior!

Let me massage your
majestic aorta.

Yes. Don't fight, open
your ventricles to me.

That's it. Smells weird in here.

Sadness is but the mechanism
of a winding clock

frozen at two in the morning,
gestating magical tears

that have the power... to heal.

Uh...

It is I, the Moondancer.

Let's fly.

Wow, man.

Did you see that, Mo-Mo?

Yeah, and I might not
be able to un-see it.

Man, it's too bad Mort
wasn't already married.

Could have saved us a
whole bunch of trouble.

Oh! Well, I'm going to
un-trouble us, Maurice.

Because I'm getting...

Yep, one of my sick,
nasty KJ ideas.

Maybe Mort was already married.

- To me!
- Huh?

Okay, I'm feeling really
uncomfortable right now.

Mo-Mo, it's time for
a transformation!

Oh...

Well, I never!
Mordecai, you scamp.

I, your long-suffering
wife, Tilda,

who you married legally, have been
looking all over the kingdom for...

Hello, ex-King Julien.

What? How did you... Ugh!

Do you have any idea how long it
took me to put all this stuff on?

I mean, my nails! And just...

First of all, yes, I do.
Second of all, that's right.

I saw right through
your little plan.

You're too late, and there's
nothing you can do about it.

I am still queen!

Que-que-que-que...

Ugh! I wish I could
angrily pace right now.

I'm gonna figure out
who this "Pam" is.

Uh... Clover, you've got something
on your... lower back area.

- Wait, on my th... Is it... What?
- It looks like a handprint.

It's Pam's! From when she...

Well, when, you know, she kind of,
sort of, beat me up, or whatever.

I need that handprint. Maurice!

What do you want me to do?

Wax it.

I'm not waxing your... that!
You're gonna kill me!

Maurice, come on.
It's for the king.

I need that handprint
to identify the woman

who's taken over the kingdom.

- Promise you won't hurt me?
- Yes. I promise.

Hurts so... bad!

It hurt me!

Sorry.

If my instincts are right,

this book of Madagascar's
criminal mastermind handprints

will have the answer.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Well, 'ello, 'ello, 'ello.

Maurice, enhance. Enhance.

You're not making the enhance noise.
Maurice.

Bleep-blap-bloob.

Beep-bab-blab-beep-blap

I'm surrounded by crazy people.

Aha! Gotcha, Pam.

Sorry.

What I'm thinking is, we'll
start with an amuse-bouche.

- What's he talking about?
- Amuse who?

- I don't know who he's... Who is this guy?
- I ain't amused, man.

An amuse-bouche.

Bouche!

Bouche!

It's hurting my ears.

Fine. If that doesn't toot your
tussle, we can stew him up

into a nice beef bourguignon, with
a side of pickled sweet gherkins.

Take your gherkins and scram!
I say we eat him raw.

- Eat him raw!
- Bunch of Philistines.

Eat him raw, for all I care.
I'd rather starve.

You know what, Pam? Fine,
keep your stupid crown.

Too bad you have to be
married to that guy.

Ha! He touches me, he dies.

In the meantime, I'll
steal this kingdom blind.

By the time I'm done, your kingdom
will have nothing to its name

but the fur on your
peoples' butts.

In fact, I think I
might take that too.

Ta!

Not so fast, Pam. Or should I
call you "Stephanie Jeeves"?

Or is it "Lily Teeterwagon"?

Whatever her name is, she can't
be legally married to Mort,

because she's already married
to all of these guys.

Pam is a con artist, Your Majesty.
She marries royals,

strips their kingdoms bare, and
then, leaves them with nothing.

Who's Pam? I thought you
loved me, Stephanie.

Ha! Are you kidding me? Love you?
You could barely even hug me.

Well, that's because you took
all of our arm extensions.

We need those for hugging!

Our wedding cost the entire
kingdom's supply of nectar.

I'm... married?

You were the easiest one, Joey.

I'm married?

Even Hans? I mean, Hans?

He's not even a king.

Maybe not, but... he sure
knows how to treat a lady.

Ooh!

Hans, you're back! I may
have lost King Julien

as my wife/husband, but at least
I have you back in my life.

Right. Anyways...

Since Pam's already married
to multiple people,

she can't be legally
married to Mort.

Which means the crown is
still yours, Your Majesty.

And not yours!

- Hmm!
- I see.

You might be faster than me,
Pam, but you're not smarter.

What do you want me to do
with her, Your Majesty?

Well, I do know a certain someone
who's looking for a new... patient.

Yes.

Her head will look perfect
attached to a... shark!

So, doctor, eh? You married?

It's okay, babe. Frank forgives you.
You're just tryin' to survive.

Yeah, your wings are
too weak to fly.

Oh, golly! We're home.

I wasn't gonna do it, I swear.
It was just... a dare.

Please don't judge me!

- Hmm?
- Hmm.

What did we miss, Your Majesty?

Ah, nothing.

Huh?