All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 4, Episode 1 - The All Hail King Julien Show - full transcript

𝒯𝓇𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓉e 𝓊𝓃𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉 E𝒩𝒢LI𝒮H

I'm okay!

♪ Party ♪

- ♪ Who's the king? ♪
- ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ Who's the king? ♪
- ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

- ♪ Everybody party with King who?
♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

- ♪ King who? ♪ - ♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪



♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

Welcome back, everyone.

As part of our public
safety campaign,

Pancho has a few words
to say on our kingdom.

- Pancho.
- Thanks, Xixi.

I hate to be a "Willie"...

What the heck, man?

But there are a lot of
unlocked doors in the kingdom

and someone, not me,
could easily sneak in

and go through your stuff
for fun or profit.

Not me, but... like,
someone else.



Why is the news so boring?

Maurice, what's on next?

- Uh, Xixi.
- And after that?

More Xixi.

All I'm saying is that for a fee,
you know, like a nominal fee,

I could offer insurance against
these kind of break-ins.

Gee, Pancho, that sounds
a little like extortion.

- Your word, Xixi, not mine.
- Okay. Why don't we go to commercial?

Hey, kids, do you
like scorpions?

Yeah!

Well, then you're gonna love

our newest home protection
model, the Fairfax Scorpion Jr.

Blue for boys and
pink for girls.

Give 'em a whirl.

Kids these days are so lucky.

Enough! I can't watch any more.

My peoples work hard watersliding
and avoiding being eaten.

They need a show that lets
them escape from reality.

Where's the chair throwing and
interspecies love triangles?

I'll put on a show for
you, King Julien.

Help!

Andy, where are you going? We
still have another segment.

Friend or Foe?

I need to sell product
and this show is a dud.

I'm going over to the
Crocodile Kingdom.

At least those guys
know entertainment.

What you say what?

The Crocodiles are making shows?

You bet they are.

They got a crazy new
show that's crushing it.

Is everyone ready to play...

That's a croc!

First question.

When dining on another
species, one should always

milk the marrow from the
bones before dessert.

True or that's a croc?
Five seconds.

Oh. Oh, my.

Such a fine line with marrow. Uh,
I believe... Yes, true. True!

You have to push
the button, sir.

Oh! Eh, I... I can't.

I'm sorry, sir, time's up.

No! I knew that one. Not fair.
This game is a sham!

That's a croc!

That actually sounds
like a good show.

For idiots, Your Majesty.

The crocodiles are trying to
exploit our entertainment weakness

to lure our people away.

How did I not know of this?

Maurice, you're the
Minister of Information.

There is no Minister
of Information.

Exactly.

We have to stop them.

Whatever he comes up with,
we've got to stop him

before he goes too far.

Agreed.

Step right up, folks.

The show is about to begin.

Comin' in hot!

Oh, did I miss the
king's big surprise?

Nope. Whatever the "surprise"
is, it hasn't started yet.

Where is Clover?

Look around you,
what do you see?

Real life.

Well, I'm here today to
say who needs real life?

We're all gonna die!

You see? That is what real
life has done to you.

So obsessed with dying.
With fear.

Well, what the heck
else is there?

When I was elected,

I promised I was going
to change things.

But you can't change real life.

It gets on everything like a fungus,
it's all green and squishy,

and maybe some little
bugs in a yurt...

Anyway, I figured, if you
can't change real life,

why not find a way to ignore it?

Please take a controller
and pass it down.

There's enough for everyone.

What you are holding in your
hands is choice, peoples.

Choice to tune out real life
and tune in something new.

Something that will let
you forget your troubles

with a simple turn of a dial.

Oh, my stars, what is it?

It sounds so wonderful, I
think I'm gonna joy tinkle.

Oops. There goes a dribbler.

It is KJ-branded entertainment
guaranteed to make you forget

about your boring, painful,
reality filled lives.

I call it Julien-Vision!

Julien-Vision.

Oh, yeah!

Maurice, what is this?

I'm getting the same
anxious feeling I get

when a celebrity couple
hires a young nanny.

Don't worry, Clover and I were
prepared for something like this.

Clover? Clover, where are you?

Let's see what's on.

She's the stage mom
you love to hate.

Prepare yourself for
Unleash the Beast!

All right, my little angels,
let's see some Grande Jetes,

or so help me,

I will not be able
to control Todd!

He's the jungle's
freakiest bachelor.

Welcome to The Single Life.

Hey, girl... What's your sign?

Mine's "Full Speed Ahead."

Get ready for Hot Jungle Nights

with Madagascar's favorite
crime fighter, Clover!

Oh, no, she didn't.

Ello, ello, ello.

What's all this about then?

You can't come in here without a warrant.
It's against the law.

There's only one law
in this jungle. Me!

Ki-yah! Ha! Ha!

Remember, kids, don't
play with matches.

You might get burned.

Look at them, Maurice.
Who needs real life?

Julien-Vision is a hit.

I'm your royal advisor. I
should have been told!

Yeah, but then you would have tried
to stop me like you always do

and I would have just done it anyway.
So, ya know, this saved time.

Woo! A-ha!

Did you hear that applause?

Star quality. Right here.
Oh, yeah!

I thought we were supposed to stop
this together! What happened?

Hello?

My own show happened. Jealous?

Are you going to cancel me?

Oh, no! My show is all I have!

Without it, I'll have to face
my dubious life choices!

Please, no!

You're not canceled, Xixi.

But I am going to need you
to step up your game.

No problem. I won't
let you down.

You and Xixi have been
friends since childhood.

You wouldn't really cancel
her show, would you?

Of course not, Mo-Mo,
but it's not up to me.

Julien-Vision is about choice.

My peoples decide what
they want or don't want.

It's in their hands now.

Gonna be a lot of empty huts if
everyone's watching Julien-Vision.

And a lot of unlocked doors.

Whoa!

This is Maggie, Mistress
of the Unknown.

What's your question?

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

I bet that hurts.

Hold on, let me
consult the sky gods.

I hope that was the answer
you were looking for.

Next caller.

- Oh, please, King Julien.
- No!

I am not putting on a show about
you painting pictures of my feet.

Argh! Don't lick it.

King Julien, we have a problem.

I'm glad you're here. I'm
beefing up our comedies

in case the crocodiles get wind of our
awesome programming and try something.

I'm sorry, but
this can't wait...

Okay, check it, it's a pair
of mismatched roommates...

and they are living in a cave.

Nurse Phantom, where
are my beakers?

In the lab where they belong,
and not with my good china

where I found them. Now sit
down, dinner is ready.

I'm not hungry.

- Ooh.
- Gah!

Do you have any idea how long it
took me to make that turkey pot pie

on an island where
there are no turkeys?

Mamma Mia, why did we ever
become roommates... in a cave?

- Ha-ha.
- Your Majesty,

the kingdom has come
to a grinding halt

because everyone is either watching
or starring on... Julien-Vision!

I had no idea. Everyone?

Well, there's still
a small group...

What? Why aren't they watching?
Get them in those seats!

I'm curing the boredom and
stress of reality, Maurice!

- It's a pretty big deal.
- We've got a problem.

Oh, man, not you too.

Ahh!

Just ahh!

Welcome back to our ripped
from the headlines exclusive

Friend or Foe?

I have always had tummy issues.

Gurgle, gurgle.

Is there a monster in there?

I hope not.

That's when I discovered I
could make my own gecko cheese

and you can, too.

To start, get yourself
a half dozen geckos

and attach hoses to
their milking bits.

Oh, thundering pony thighs!

- Help!
- This is the problem?

Fine, giving Ted his own
cooking show was a mistake.

Can I go now?

- Uh...
- Keep watching.

That's better. They've
brought reinforcements.

Welcome back!

That is the problem.

The kingdom can't decide what to
watch and all the show flipping

is putting strain on the platform.
I'm not sure she can hold.

Hello, and welcome back
to Still life with Feet.

No! No, Mort!

Oh, it's very important to
get just a hint of rosy pink

on King Julien's toe webbing.
Oh...

Give me that painting right now!

- Now, you demented imp!
- It's not finished!

No, don't touch those
dials, please!

I'll do anything you want!

I have no self esteem!

No, you can't...

I'm an only child!

Oh! Oh, golly, I think
I swallowed some!

No means no, Mort!

Get out of my spotlight.

She's gonna blow!

Your Majesty, watch out!

Huh?

Julien-Vision!

It's ruined!

We love King Julien! Yeah!

Uh...

Okay, weird. Is it
brain damage, Timo?

Are we going to have
to put them all down?

No, Your Majesty.

You gave the kingdom a choice of
what shows they wanted to watch

and it appears they chose...
you.

- All four of you.
- Um...

Us?

Oh, no. I know that look.
You can't, Your Majesty.

This is our lives.

The peoples have spoken, Mo-Mo!

Buckle up, kingdom, things
are about to get real!

Maurice! Where have you been? You'll
never believe what's happened.

King Julien and I had important
business to discuss,

but when I saw the big coconut,
I knew we were in trouble.

Someone has given Sir
Tony a cashmere beret?

You know about his allergies.

Ugh!

Your Majesty, the black and
white cupcake party is tonight

and Clover still hasn't RSVP'd.

Impossible. This is the cupcake
event of the season, y'all.

- She'd never miss that.
- Think again, girlfriend.

I heard her down by the waterslide
saying she was too good to go...

Oh, no! Help me!

Girlfriend, you best be lying

or so help me, Miss Clover gonna see
the business end of my prosthetic leg.

- You don't have a prosthetic leg.
- Hmm.

Oh, yeah, this was
gonna get bad.

Bummer, because I was
really looking forward

to decorating some cupcakes.

Here's one I made earlier.

That's real stolen
hair right there.

Isn't it amazing? It's so real!

It's like we're right there!

We are right there, ya moron.

I know! Who needs ambition and
dreams when we can live vicariously

through King Julien?

I have to run home
and joy tinkle.

If The All Hail King Julien
Show gets a spinoff,

we're gonna need a bigger cave.

Forget the cave. We're gonna
need a bigger island.

Hey! Buttered tortillas!

We've been robbed!

I better tinkle quick and get back
before I miss something good.

Who would have thought that
when I created Julien-Vision,

I would end up as
its greatest star?

Uh, how is our show doing
against the competition?

What competition?

You canceled all the other
shows except for Xixi's

and we both know you
won't cancel that.

My friendship with
Xixi is a gift.

- Cancel it.
- What?

The peoples want all
KJ all the time.

Xixi will understand
when you tell her.

Me? No way!

Well, I can't do it.
I'm her friend.

So am I!

Comin' in hot!

Your Majesty...

- You did not just run away!
- Yes, I did.

Maurice, where did
King Julien go?

Xixi, I don't know
how to say this...

Oh, no. Is my show canceled?

Is that why King
Julien ran away?

No!

I'm freaking out!

Stop! Breathe, Xixi!

Your... Your show's
not canceled!

It's not?

No. But even if it was,
would that be so bad?

Trust me, it is no picnic
being on a hit show.

Hey, everybody, look, it's
Maurice, the sensitive one.

Yeah, yeah. Somebody get a
baby giraffe to make him cry.

Cry! Cry! Cry!

I have feelings!

See what I mean?

Yeah, but that's just
because you're self-aware,

whereas I am way too
shallow to care.

Just come up with a reality that
people actually care about.

Something they can't get from
The All Hail King Julien Show.

- Do that and everything will be fine.
- Hmm.

It's like stealing
candy from a baby.

I wonder what it'd be like
to steal a baby from a baby,

- know what I'm saying?
- I do not wanna share

a bathroom with you. Hoo-ah.

Ooh!

Uh. What's that, Mort?

Good one.

King Julien can
hear my thoughts?

Must be more careful.

I can't let my
thoughts betray me.

You can cut the charade,
Your Majesty, whateva!

I know you've just been waiting
to see if I'd show up.

Ooh!

Where have you been, Clover?

You know how much this black
and white cupcake party

that I only came up with yesterday to
fabricate controversy for the show

means everything to me!

You canceled my show!

That's right. My... show!

Technically, the peoples
canceled your show.

Oh. I am done.

I am done!

I could not believe Clover gave
me the "sassy shut-up" hand.

I had to go nuclear.

It appears you've left me
no choice but to recast.

You can come out!

Nurse Phantom!

How could you?

FYI, I'm taking
your catchphrase.

On it!

Paws off the royal
coiffure, Clover,

or I will straight up
yank out your weave.

I don't have a weave.

Just like old times, Pancho.

You, me, and a dank
cave full of loot.

We make a pretty good team.

Hey, you wanna wrestle?

You know, like a bonding thing,
not weird or nothin' like that.

Sure, long as it's not weird.

Oh, boy.

This is gonna put
me back on top!

Oh, piledriver!

Clover! King Julien! Stop!
What are we doing?

This isn't us!

Of course it is.

We've just been distilled to only
include the stuff that's important,

fighting and complaining
about our privileged lives.

Comin' in hot!

King Julien, big news!

Ugh! Xixi, now is not the time!

But I've got a breaking
story for my show.

Show?

Maurice, didn't you tell her?

Tell me what?

Xixi, I... uh...

I was hoping I could
change his mind.

Look, Xixi, you know how much I love you.
I mean, respeck!

But turns out the peoples want their
reality with very little actual reality.

And that means The All
Hail King Julien Show

twenty-four-sev, and no news.

But what about when you sleep?

Two words, reruns.

Your Majesty, the black and
white cupcake party is tonight

and Clover still hasn't RSVP'd.

Impossible.

This is the cupcake event of the season.
She'd never miss that.

Think again, girlfriend.

Nope.

Not doin' this.

Xixi...

Hey, nothing lasts
forever, right?

See ya around.

Ooh. Uh...

Maurice, you're the emotional one.
Did she seem upset?

Well, this reality
isn't any fun.

If I wanted to see hope
and joy being crushed,

I would have stayed home
and watched Todd. Oh.

I'm really sorry to interrupt,

- but we've all been robbed!
- What?

They got my place, too.

My stump wasn't touched.
Weird, huh?

How could this happen?

Everyone was watching
Julien-Vision...

And, oh! You've got
to be kidding me!

While everyone was watching Julien-Vision,
no one was watching the kingdom,

including me.

Sorry, Your Majesty.

I just wanted to help my
peoples hide from reality,

but reality still found us.

We forgot the harvest,
we were robbed!

You replaced me
with Nurse Phantom.

And I lost an old friend.

- Xixi!
- Xixi!

She tried to tell us
about something big!

We have to find her!

- Oh!
- Hey, watch it!

Hey, you don't wanna ride the party
train, then get off the track!

Xixi, what are you doing?

Show's gone.

This is where I belong now.

Oh, yeah, goin'
beast mode, y'all!

We're never gonna die!

Forget about the show.

A show can't define you.
Who you are is inside.

And I think inside
you're pretty wonderful.

You really mean that?

Of course I do.

And King Julien
feels the same way.

I know it. He'll come around.

You've always been a good
friend to me, Maurice.

Uh... Eh...

What are you doing?

Did you just try to kiss me?

Ha... I'm sorry, I'm
really fragile right now.

Xixi! Maurice!

Oh! I am so glad we found you.

Me, too. This club is sicknasty.

Who's the DJ?

King Julien!

Yes. Sorry.

I'm going to say this fast because
we've got kind of a crisis

back in the kingdom.

Xixi, despite Maurice's insistence
on creating other shows to watch,

for me, your show is
the only one we need.

I'm officially canceling Julien-Vision
and un-canceling your show.

Please come back to the kingdom.

It wouldn't be the same without
my oldest, dearest friend there.

I don't know what to say.

You already got the show back.

She's had a really long day.

You said there was a
crisis, King Julien?

Yes, someone has robbed
the entire kingdom!

Oh! I know who it is!

Yeah, we thought you might.

Xixi here reporting live from
the scene of the biggest heist

in Madagascar's history.

Pancho, Andy, can you tell
the viewers why you did it,

and more importantly,
who are you wearing?

Nice to have the kingdom
back to normal.

Or as normal as
this kingdom gets.

Yes, Maurice, my peoples have
learned a valuable lesson.

Real life is boring and
would be way better

if we could edit it and
add a bangin' soundtrack

and explosions and stuff.

That's pretty much the
opposite of what I...

I'm just sorry some of
my brilliant show ideas

will never see the light of day.

How did I get here?

Hey. Don't worry, Dandelion.

Remember, Orange
is the new Pancho.

Anyone wanna wrestle?

As long as it's weird.

I can't believe King Julien
didn't pick this show up.

This is genius!