All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 5 - Love Gauntlet - full transcript

-[Mort chuckles]
-[growls]

-[Mort] I'm okay!
-[laughs]

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪



♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[Clover] Where's King Julien?

-[Julien] Shh.
-Huh?

Quiet, Clover.
Can't you see I'm hiding from my parents?

Uh. Are they coming?
Do they have the bell?

Do you hear it? The bell!

The bell!

[screams maniacally]

Why are you hiding from your parents,
King Julien?

Because they're doing
all sorts of parenty stuff.



Trying to love me and take care of me.

It's driving me crazy!

Mom? Dad? I can't breathe!

You needed a bath, Julien.

You were starting to smell
like the middle class, Son.

Oh, look, Barty,
he's getting hair under his arms.

I'm a full-grown lemur.
I've got hair all over!

-[music playing on stereo]
-[celebrating]

[exclaims in shock]

[gasps] Boombox! Someone, quick!
Boombox is having an episode!

You're welcome.

Now, old boy, just hold still.
It's just a teeth cleaning.

[hissing]

Dr. S? You're not a dentist.

I'm not a real doctor either,

but that doesn't matter when you operate
[screams] out of a cave!

-[machine whirring]
-[Julien screaming]

-[both chuckling]
-Wonderful!

Is it possible to be loved to death?

Oh, just say the word, handsome.

[Barty] Knock-knock. Anyone home?

It's the parents. They've got the bell.

And they're gonna ring it.
They'll do it. I know they will!

-No! [screams] No!
-[thud]

Julien, there you are.

I thought we were meeting
down at the Cove Of Wonders

to find you a new wardrobe.

Top hats and spats, old chum.

[coughing]
I wish you had never given birth to me.

[coughs] Sorry, had a little...

Sounds great, Mom and Dad!
[chuckles nervously]

[whispers] Find out when they are leaving.

[clears throat] Your Majesties. Hi!
Yeah, have you picked a date yet

for when you're gonna be, you know,
[chuckles] leaving?

'Cause I know, originally, you were--

Oh, yes. About that.
We've decided to make our stay permanent.

[echoing] Permanent.

[stuttering] P-P-P-P-P-P--

Both your father and I think
you could use our help.

Not that you're doing a bad job.

That's only part of it.

But also because we've discovered
something amazing.

-What do they call it, Barty?
-"Emotions," dear.

Nothing could ever
get us to leave you again.

Yes. We'd have to be
dragged away against our will

if you wanted to get rid of us.

[Julien grumbles]

Family.

You want me to kidnap your parents?

Yes. It's the only way.

Just so we're, you know,
just being clear here,

this is to get them to-to leave, right?
Not to, [chuckles] you know, like...

[choking, groaning]

[grunting]

There he is.

[grunting, groaning]

[groans]

Clover, no! I don't want to hurt them.

I just want them
fake-kidnapped and scared.

Then, once I fake-rescue them,
they'll be too terrified

to stay here in this "dangerous kingdom"
one minute longer.

A job like this is gonna take mad skills,

which is why I hired
the best actors in the biz.

Oh, hurray!

Dorothy, show 'em your backwards slow-mo.

Look, she's running.
And I'm a tree. A mighty oak.

[laughs excitedly]

And now, I'm a willow in the wind.

I don't get it.

Me neither!

What are you playing at?

Clover, Mort, both of you calm down.

This is why we are here.

-Ted? Dorothy?
-[both] Huh?

I have a job for you.

[Rob] I know we've had our differences
in the past, Maurice,

but I've changed.

I don't hate the lemur
in the mirror anymore.

Thanks, Rob... Uh, Nurse Phantom.
I appreciate that.

Anything you need?
A sparkling water, perhaps?

I'm good. Thank you.

Hot towel?

I'm fine.

Snickerdoodle?

No! Thank you.

So, Maurice, what seems to be the problem?

[stammers]
It's these bells I keep hearing, doc.

Ringing and ringing. I can't take it.

The problem is King Julien's parents.
His mom has this little bell and--

Pap-pap-pap-pap! Are you a doctor?

-Um, no.
-Neither am I. [chuckles]

But I promise we will get to
the real bottom of your bell problem,

or you will die trying!

[stammering] Again, please?

Shiatsu massage?

Right, if this is going down,
then I'm gonna be in charge. Got it?

Well, I'm not so sure
what you know about acting--

-I'm in charge, Ted! End of discussion.
-Oh, golly. You're a natural.

All right. Listen up.

I'd like to solve the puzzle, Clover.

-[Ted groans]
-This isn't a game show.

Once the package has been acquired,
we'll all rendezvous back here.

Remember, Barty and Julienne know me.

So, I won't be able to show my face.

That means you're on your own with them.
Got it?

-Yes, ma'am!
-You betcha.

Yeah, sure,
I'm totally listening and stuff.

I brought the glove.

Good idea, Mort. No fingerprints.

Right. Fingerprints.

[sniffs, giggles]

Now, let's do this old school.

Drive by
and grab the parents off the street.

-Bright and breezy.
-Mm-hmm. Hm-hmm.

Man, I'm really enjoying our walk.
[chuckles]

[inhales and exhales loudly]
So much fresh air.

-[Julien sighs]
-Oh, Barty.

[Julienne]
Do you know who I got a letter from?

[Mort screams] No brakes!

-[Mort screams]
-[crashes]

[all groaning]

I think one of my ribs
is trying to leave my body.

[groaning]

Get in there!
Where do you think you're going?

Okay, new plan.
This time, you go under cover of darkness.

[snoring]

-[Ted laughing]
-[all grunt]

Ssh. Whoa!

[Julien] Don't worry, Mom and Dad,

your son is here to rescue you,
so you can leave the kingdom

because, clearly, it's far too dangerous
for you to hang around here and uh...

[snoring]

These are not my parents!

Blugh! What's going on?
[screams] Todd!

-[whimpering]
-Come and save Mama, baby--

Oh! That's it!

You are all the worst kidnappers ever!
And you're fired. Fired!

[dejectedly] You can't recast.
I am Kidnapper No. 2.

I will carry the scars
of this role forev--

Don't worry, King Julien,
I'll handle your parents. Personally.

[Ted] Oopsie.

[clears throat] What time is it?

Gotta go to work, babe.

If you want someone fake-napped properly,
you have to do it yourself.

What in the... What? Huh?

Hi, Clover.

Karl! What are you... [gasps]

You took Barty and Julienne?

That's right. I beat you to it.

-But--
-Uh-uh-uh.

Wish I had time to chat,
but my guests are waiting.

Wouldn't want to be rude. Chauncey!

-[yelps]
-[thud]

[rooster crowing]

Looks like somebody
had a really crazy party.

Ah... [chuckles]

It looks like Clover actually did it.
She fake-napped my parents.

Now, all we have to do
is find where she stashed them,

set them free, and they'll be convinced
to leave forever and--

[groaning]

Mort, take your pained
moaning and groaning outside.

You know the rules.

It's not me.
I took care of my rib problem. [chuckles]

-I'm all good.
-[groaning]

[gasps]

-[screams] Clover!
-[Clover groaning]

-King Julien, there's a note.
-Huh?

"Julien, greetings, my nemesis.
It's Karl, and I have your parents.

-[gasps]
-If you ever want to see them alive again,

follow the directions to my lair,

which you will find
in this fun, pop-up book.

I designed it myself. I hope you like it."

Uh... Oh! [chuckles]

Oh. [laughs]

That is kinda nice. [chuckles]

And there's another one!

[laughs excitedly]

So fun.

-Tell me what you see.
-Bell.

That's a bell.

Two bells. Side by side.

They may be friends or partners
on the police force or something.

Uh...

Give me a minute.

Seriously?

I-I feel like I want to say "hat,"
or maybe, like, a mushroom cap?

This is worse than I thought.
You are one sick individual!

Sick!

Nurse Phantom! Wheel in the gurney,
and bring the extra straps.

Paddle ball?

-[gulps]
-[snickers]

[laughs] Hmm? Hmm?

Uh...

I can only imagine
what kind of horrible torture

Karl is putting
my parents through right now.

[grunts, gasps]

[laughing wickedly]

-Karl!
-[both laughing]

Wonderful!

Uh...

Mom? Dad? What is going on here?

Oh, Julie, we've known Karl for years.

Yes, I cherish our friendship.

[Julienne] Why, he got rid
of that repulsive rat tribe

so we could put in the back nine
of the golf course at the country club.

Inspired!

Saved our ascots, old sport.

Why didn't you mention
he lived so close by?

Oh, I don't know,
maybe because he's a crazy psycho

that's tried to murder me,
like, a gazillion times!

Why don't you take a seat?

I'd rather stand.

I insist.

Yes, Son, don't be
such a brickmaker's daughter.

When your host says sit, you sit.

[growls]

No, that one.

[groans]

[grunting]

No. That one.

[humming]

No. [screams] That one!

No!

Don't make me
assume my ultimate form, Julien.

[imitates Karl mockingly]

Finally. Now that I have you all
in the proper chairs--

Whatever. [groans]

Manners, Julien.

Oh, thank you, Barty.

Welcome, Julien and family, to...

the last moment of the rest of your lives!

-[both laughing]
-Ugh!

-[Barty] Wonderful!
-[beeps]

[all screaming]

[laughing maniacally]

[Mort] And I walked right up behind him
and tapped him on the shoulder,

and it was Pancho. But, of course,
I wasn't looking for Pancho,

I was looking for Horst,

-who heard me saying...
-[Clover straining]

Please make it stop.
Wake up, Clover! Wake up!

You see, I had borrowed
Horst's salad fork... [blows raspberry]

but I really wasn't making a salad,
even though I did need the salad fork,

and Horst was the only guy
who had one and-- [groans]

Karl! [pants] Where's Karl?
What happened? Where is King Julien?

No idea. I did find this note though.

"It's Karl, and I have your parents.

If you ever want to see them alive again,
follow the directions to my lair."

I mesmerized it.

All right, let's go. Whoa! [groans]

As soon as the floor stops spinning.
[laughs]

There we go, Maurice. Comfy?

I'm a little nervous, actually.

[slurps] How about some cherries jubilee?
Guaranteed smiles.

No. Thanks, Rob.

Baba ganoush.

Nothing! Okay? I don't want anything.

[gasps] No reason to get hostile.

Just trying to make you comfortable.
You know, doing my job. [slurps]

Let's begin. Think back. Very far back.

When did you first hear the bells?

There's something I just remembered,
but if I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy.

Nurse Phantom?

-[electricity surging]
-[teeth chattering]

[laughs, slurps]

Gah! What the heck was that for?

How dare you decide what's crazy?

Have you forgotten we're doing
brain therapy [screams] out of a cave?

[echoes] Cave!

Moving on. Please, tell me everything.

Ah, I must've blocked this out of my
memory, but somehow, you jarred it loose.

It's coming back to me now.

When I was a little lemur,
I got lost in the jungle.

[electricity surging]

What was that for?

-Nurse Phantom, please!
-[giggles, slurps]

I was in the jungle
and I fell down this hole in a tree stump.

The hole went on forever.

And when I finally hit the bottom,
I couldn't believe what I saw.

[tinkling]

An entire city of living bells!

[panting]

[screams]

What do you think, Doctor?

I think you're right. Th-that's crazy!
[laughs]

Don't tell that story
to anyone ever again.

Woof! [laughs hysterically]

-[switch flipping]
-[electricity surging]

Okay, you know what, Nurse Phantom?
Not helping! Not helping!

You've just shocked your way
right out of electrode duty.

Maybe someone should watch
what they're saying

when someone is trying to be nice,
Maurice. [slurps]

[screams] Get out!

[sobbing] No one appreciates
what I bring to the table.

[all screaming]

[Karl over PA system] Welcome, King Julien
and parents to the Love Gauntlet.

[blows raspberry]
You've gotta be kidding! "Love Gauntlet."

[both] Hmm.

[Karl] Prepare yourselves
for an unforgiving series

of difficult questions

that you will have to answer
as a family unit. Or face certain doom.

[Chauncey clicks, snarls]

[Karl] Do let's begin.

[Barty and Julienne applauding, cheering]

[Julien] Huh? [grumbles]

-[female robotic voice] I am Love Bot.
-[blows raspberry]

First question.
What is Julien's favorite color?

Um, if wealth is a color,
I think it's wealth?

-[machine blares]
-[Love Bot] Incorrect.

Wealth? Really? It's pumpkin!
Pumpkin is my favorite color.

Could it be more obvious?

-[rumbling]
-[maniacal laughter]

[all whimpering]

[Love Bot] Next question.
What is Julien's favorite song?

Oh, pass.

-[machine blares]
-[Love Bot] Incorrect.

[Karl laughs maniacally]

Sorry, dear, I-I panicked.

[Love Bot] Is Julien a girl or a boy?

[gasps]

No one said there would be
science questions.

-[Love Bot] Incorrect.
-[machine blares]

Who is Julien's best friend?

-Mark! It's Mark.
-Mark!

[machine blares]

[mumbling unintelligibly]

You mustn't look away.
You must face your fears.

[Maurice] All this is doing
is making me hate birthday cakes.

Turn the dang bell off!

Feel it, Maurice. Embrace the horror!

[gasps, screams]

[gasps] I actually think
it might've worked. I feel okay.

This... This thing worked?

Yeah. I feel better.

-So you're saying I'm a genius?
-I am definitely not saying that.

Well, what would you say to this?

[clanging]

Success!

Now, I am one step closer
to brainwashing the entire village!

-Psycho, say what now?
-Nothing.

Lolly?

-A Jack and two Jerrys.
-[machine blares]

-In the ear.
-[machine blares]

Oh. A school for underprivileged dogs.

[machine blares]

-A dubious backstory.
-[machine blares]

-The maid is stealing.
-[machine blares]

-Baby arms.
-[machine blares]

[Love Bot] Incorrect.

-[Karl laughs maniacally]
-[Julienne] Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

[all whimpering]

We are not doing so good
as a family here, peoples.

Julien, you must know by now
that I did this for us.

To prove, we are the same.
My parents never loved me.

And I wanted...
[screams] nay, needed, to prove to you

that your parents never loved you either!

And I've done it! [laughs maniacally]

And I like it!

Yeah. You win or whatever, Karl.

Ask the last question,
let's get this over with.

Oh, we can, Julien.
And when your parents get it wrong,

I shall enjoy watching the pathetic,
unloved look on your face

as you all plummet to your death
by fiery hot lava!

I regret ever lending you
my croquet mallet.

You're off our Christmas card list!

Oh, please.
I never liked your stupid cards anyway.

[both gasp]

Love Bot! Ask the final question!

[Love Bot] What was Julien's
favorite stuffed animal as a child?

[Julien grumbles]

Look at their faces! [laughs wickedly]

So delicious.

[straining]

Oh! Oh! I actually know this one.

So do I, dear.

It was that stuffed hippo.
All backside really.

Captain Booty-Butt. Oh, how you loved
that crusty, unwashed plushy.

And how it smelled.
Like a Shanghai dry cleaner at low tide.

Oh, you'd curl up with it
and go to sleep. Adorable.

Yes. Captain Booty-Butt.
He never left my side!

Oh, Mom and Dad, you remembered something!

[Love Bot] True love detected.
Too much love. My circuits are crying.

-[malfunctioning]
-[gasps]

-[malfunctioning continues]
-Crying... Crying... Crying... Crying...

-[Chauncey squeaks]
-Yes, Chauncey, in hindsight,

it was a terrible idea putting
real tear ducts inside the Love Bot.

[electricity surging, crackling]

♪ They found their love in a volcano ♪

♪ Above a lava flow ♪

♪ Thank you, Booty-Butt ♪

♪ But it's still hot
So please, let's all go... ♪

[Love Bot] Love Bot will self-destruct
in four, three, two, one...

-[all grunting]
-[explosion]

[all gasp]

[Karl laughs wickedly]

You didn't think I'd have a back-up plan,
did you, Julien?

Relax, guys. These are my peeps.

Long time no see, Captain Ethan,

Lil Arms Magee,

One-Eyed Simon.

Uh. And forgot your name.

Hi, Mr. Julien.

Hey! You took my ship and my crew.

And this, will be my revenge!

[Captain Ethan screams] Ow!
Hey, you guys, my legs are on fire. Wow!

-[rumbling]
-[sighs]

All right. Now, tear them apart.

[both grunt]

I don't want to interfere,
but I will give you pirates each a trophy

if you take him down.
And his creepy cockroach.

This isn't over, Julien.
Not yet, at least!

[Lil Arms] Trophy! Trophy!

And one for you, and one for you,
guy holding up something.

And for you. Thanks for your help.

Where's Karl?

Pirates? Let me at 'em!

[grunts, groans]

Mom, Dad, bring it in.

Big time hugs!

Look, I know it's been rough,
but if you guys are sticking around,

I really believe we can
make it work as a family and--

[Barty] Hold that thought, old sport.
Your mother and I are leaving.

You are?

Yes, Son. You see,
there comes a time in every child's life

when they need to let their parents
leave the nest and--

Wait, isn't it the other way around?

Maybe. But the point is,
we don't need you anymore.

It's time for us to get back
to our luxury island resort

to rest after all of this parenting.

The pirates have kindly offered
to give us a ride, so...

[Barty] We'll send you a postcard!
[Julienne] Ta-ta!

Bye, my dearest!

[both] We love you!

Bye, Mommy! Bye, Daddy! Bye-bye! [sighs]

[Julien] Now that they're gone,

things can finally
get back to normal around here.

[Maurice] King Julien, guess what.
No more bells! Isn't that great?

[Julien] Oh, yeah. Great, Maurice.

Maurice cannot hear us anymore.
He has forsaken us.

But, Ringo, he was our Chosen One.
Where will we find another?

One thing at a time, Dingbert.

For now,
we will wait until the time is perfect

to reclaim what is rightfully ours!

-[laughing maniacally]
-[all clanging]

♪ They found their love in a volcano ♪

♪ Above a lava flow ♪

♪ Thank you, Booty-Butt ♪

♪ But it's still hot
So please, let's all go ♪

♪ Seriously, we're so slow ♪

♪ Pull the ladder up ♪