All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 4 - Oh Brother Where Aren't Thou? - full transcript

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪



♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

I'm telling you, Clover,

you've got my parents all wrong.

They're really into
this whole parenting thing.

Really? Have they correctly remembered
your name yet?

Stop it! You're harshing my chi's!

[screaming]

Get behind me. It could be someone here
to hurt you, King Julien.

What?

No one hurts my King Julien! Attack!

Mort, no! It's too dangerous!

Let's not be hasty.



Do what you need to do, buddy.

[grunting and crashing]

-[coughing]
-[crashes]

[groaning]

It sprayed me!

That's a-- [coughs] Smell. Wow.

[both retching]

[both] Oh, wow.

I think I'm going to be sick! [gulps]

Not on the royal floor, you're not!

Choke it back, Mort!

Choke it back!

[retching]

[retches]

[vomits]

[continues vomiting]

-King Julien, look.
-[screams]

[Clover] Okay, little whatever you are,

you are trespassing on royal property,

which is punishable by a little hi-yah!

And some... [shrieks]

-With an extra helping of cha-cha!
-[screams]

[Clover] Uh-oh. Uh-oh. [groans]

No, no! Not you, too!

[vomits]

[groaning]

[sighs in relief]

[vomits]

[vomits]

-[screams]
-[both vomit]

[sighs in disgust]

Neither of you is ever allowed
in my hut again!

Ever! [exclaims]

Are we interrupting something?

Looks like
a corporate Christmas party in here.

Mommy! Daddy! There you are. [laughing]

Heh, he, ha, ha!

[grunts]

Your Majesties, stay back.
There's an intruder.

Oh, boo! You've spoiled the surprise.

[both] Surprise?

Wait, you know "it"?

Of course,
you poor objectionable creature.

"It" is Julien's brother.

Eh...

My who, what now?

Sweetheart, don't you remember
our conversation in the family bed?

I want a little brother!

I want a little brother!

Me, me, me! Want, want, want!

I'm running away!

Uh!

Mark, the king has run away.

Good doggy just wants a bone. [stammering]

Huh? It wasn't a dream?
This is really happening? [screams]

Yes, I do remember that now.

Are you telling me...

I have a brother?

Whoa, whoa. Whoa.

You can't just ask for a brother
and then get one the next day.

Uh, hello, baby patch, Clover.

No, darling, we bought him on sale.

He's an aye-aye.

They're part vermin.

Isn't that adorable?

Apparently, their nests
are constantly raided by foosa

so you can always pick them up cheap,

in case you want a sister too.

Snap! There it is.

Totally not weird explanation.

So, brother...

You got a name?

Uh-huh. It... It is Brodney.

Rodney! I love that name!

That is so a name my brother would have.

No, it's not Rodney. It's-It's Brodney.

Eh...
Pretty sure it's pronounced "Rodney."

No. It is... It's Brodney. [stammering]

"B" plus the sound "Rodney".

Brodney.

Pretty sure. Huh?

King Julien,
we don't know anything about him.

Except that he...
Oh. Not aga-- Oh...

[whispers] Smells.

It doesn't matter, Clover.

My parents have gifted me a brother.

And if there's one thing I know
above all others, it's this.

I love gifts!

I do!

I love them.

Thank you, Mommy.

Thank you, Daddy. [exclaims]

-It finally feels like a real family.
-[Brodney whimpering]

So, Brodney, tell me about your kingdom.

Um... It's a sulfur bog that, you know,

is pretty much on fire year round.

Um... Sounds shteamy. [chuckles]

Bet you and your friends
have had some hot times.

[laughs]

Uh, yeah, I don't really have any friends.

Everyone who isn't on fire

pretty much avoids me.

Well, who needs friends
when you've got me, Brother?

Good, you're here.

I want my sleeping quarters
totally hauled over.

This is a brother room now, which means...

pillow fights, chair forts,
and lots of wrestling.

How did this happen?

You were watching his parents.

All I do is watch them!

They're always ringing that bell
like demented inf--

Did you hear that? Was that a bell?

I'm coming, Your Majesties!

[screams and crashes]

It's always the ones who seem so strong
that break the quickest, eh?

[Julien laughing]

Let's start, peoples.

Ted, you have a degree in interior design.

I do not, sir.

Excellent. Pitch me your take.

Well, I think brothers and bunk beds
always go well together.

Hm... Amazing!

I call top bunk.

Now, time to teach you how brothers roll.

[sniffles]

[dance music playing]

[Julien] Aha-ha!

First thing you gotta know
is that your big brother, King Julien,

-is all about the booty.
-[crowd cheering]

Check it.

Your booty is your power, Brother.

[grunts] And when you roll with me,

that booty's got to... [humming]

Roar!

You try.

[flinching]

[crowd chanting]
Brodney! Brodney! Brodney!

[screaming]

[explodes]

Huh?

Ha! That's right, you losers better run,

'cause the brothers are in the house.

Way to clear that dance floor
like a boss, Brodney.

I think I pulled a hammy.

[groans]

[Mort] King Julien never congratulates me
when I spray my musk.

Besides being eaten by foosa,

a lemur's second greatest skill
is tramping.

My kingdom boasts some of the greatest
artisan trampers around.

-Give it a shot, Brother.
-Eh, eh...

Come on,
you gotta get the full experience.

[Brodney] I'm not...

[screaming]

[explodes]

[Brodney groaning]

[whooping]

You were awesome!

[groans] I think my legs are shattered.

Eh, rub some dirt on 'em, you'll be fine.

[Mort] King Julien never rubs dirt on me
when my body is broken.

[Julien] Please.

What's the matter, Brother?

Don't you like the lemur ladies?

[giggling]

Uh, I don't really like being wet.

Oh, come on, it's a Jacuzzi, man.

They're fierce.

-Rawr!
-[giggling]

[snarling]

[screaming]

Move!

-I'm out of here.
-[laughing]

I think I swallowed my tongue. [chokes]

Oh, you've got another one.

Did you see the way those ladies reacted

to the way you got your freak on?

They love you, man.

So gangster!

[Mort] King Julien never calls me gangster
when I freak ladies out.

[sighs]

That was a great day.

Just how I always pictured my life
with a brother.

Lots of screaming and pain.

The stuff family is made of.

[Brodney] I wanna go home.

[laughs] Good one, Brother.

You... You're kidding, right?

When your parents bought me,

I thought it would be different.

That I'd finally be accepted somewhere.

But I'm still a loser.

Hey, hey, stop it.

You are not a loser.

Yes, you have all the characteristics
of a loser,

but now that you are royal,

people have to ignore that.

It's like a law or something.

Yeah, but that's the problem.

I'm not a royal.

Oh, oh. And everyone knows it.

[sighing]

Thank you for coming.

This is a very serious matter,

and I want--

Maurice, what are you doing?

Oh, he's eating our nits.

The kingdom is simply infested.

King's advisor to nit gobbler. [munching]

Rather throw myself
in the mouth of a foosa.

-All eating is on hold!
-[retches]

This is important.

Now, who here thinks Brodney is a loser?

[stammering]

Oh, oh, oh!

Really? Wait.

Mom, Dad?

You didn't raise your hand.

Sorry, dear, were we supposed to be
paying attention?

Hey, I think I speak for everyone

when I say this dork has gotta go!

-Ow!
-No! He's my little brother

and, well, he's mine.

And I want him to be royal.

Your Majesty, you can't just
make someone royal.

-[Maurice spits]
-Can you?

I know a way.

Maurice, what are we looking for?

Over the years, as various laws
were made by the Julien Kings,

they were written down in these books.

If there is a way to make Brodney royal,

we'll find it here.

Then work those stumpy fingers, peoples,

-we're in crisis mode.
-Huh? [grunts]

Uncle King Julien
sure had a lot of enemies

who mysteriously fell prey

to something called
"the pit of ultimate suckage."

Yes. Uncle did love his pits.

Look at this.

On rare occasions, when two lemurs
wish to become brothers,

they can take part in something called
a brother marriage

or "brarriage."

Oh, that sounds so progressive.

So, if King Julien brarries Brodney,

Brodney will officially become
his brother by blood.

And since His Majesty's blood is royal...

Brodney's becomes royal as well.

[scoffs] Keep tryin', Maurice,

'cause there's no way

my King Julien is brarrying that dork.

I now pronounce you brother and brother.

You may... You know what,
I'm not really sure.

-[laughing]
-[crowd cheering]

You both have some final documents to sign
to make your brarriage official.

I can't believe this is real. [laughs]

I'm roy... alty.

[slurping]

There, you are officially--

Um, Brodney,
is this your correct birthday?

Uh-huh.

And Your Majesty,
your birthday date is correct?

Yeah, sure, who keeps score?

What's wrong?

According to this,
Brodney was born before the king.

He's not a little brother,

he's a big brother.

Great!

Does that mean I get to wear
Brodney's clothes when I grow up?

King Julien, you don't understand.

If Brodney is older, according to law,

he's now the king.

-Hm?
-Oh!

Oh...

[dully] Oh...

I said I wanted a little brother.

Do you even know how old I am?

Is that something we should know?

Oh, so many rules to this...

Parenting!

It's called parenting!

Uh... I don't even want to be king.

Responsibility, it makes me...

[stammering] Uh-oh.

Whoa, whoa!

[everyone screaming]

It's okay, buddy.

We're gonna figure this out.

I just want to be brothers. Oh!

Can't I turn it down?

[gasps] Yes! Brodney can abdicate,
Your Majesty. Quit!

Just like Uncle King Julien did?

It's perfect!

Except it won't work.

We outlawed being able
to give up the crown.

What? Why would we do something so stupid?

I am all in.

Eh, it's just a vacation.

A few months or six.

You're in good hands.

Get a colored pencil, Maurice.

I've got some ideas.

Eh...

What if he married a commoner?

A what-ener?

Someone of poor quality and mongrel blood,

like Clover.

Argh!

So, if I married Clover--

[Clover] Not gonna happen.

Or someone else with bad blood...

Ah-- I can't be king?

A royal must marry royalty
or they can't ascend the throne.

Your mother almost made that mistake.

I was young and fell in love
with a gibbon.

He was a wonderful dancer.

When he wasn't throwing his own poo.

Then what are we waiting for?

Let's find you a bride!

So what's this all about, Mort?

Your flyer was pretty vague.

"Single lemur seeks..."

And then it's just a bunch of wet spots
that look like tears.

I have recently lost someone.

I'm searching for his replacement.

Let me guess.

King Julien?

I see you knew him.

-Well, I knew he was an idiot.
-Get out!

When I saw your flyer, it was like wow!

Finally someone to scream

"we're all gonna die" with.

[excitedly] Oh, oh, oh!

Can we do it right now?

Oy vey.

I know what you're thinking.

Why Pancho?

Answer, who knows.

Am I boring? Sure.

Social skills? None.

But I'm loyal if you feed me
and I will never leave you

because, well, I need the food.

Tempting.

But before I make any decision,

I need to see your feet.

Whoa!

All right. Full disclosure,
the right one's a little infected.

Eh...

I've never been on a date before.

What do I say?

I mean, do I tell them
how short my lifespan is? Oh!

I've never touched a female.

Do I draw blood first?

I mean, you know,
is it rude to ask to see their claws

before we get serious? Gah!

You know, Brodney,

you are so amazing without words,

I say, why talk?

Ladies love mystery,

especially when it doesn't speak.

And if you get nervous,
just excuse yourself to the bathroom.

Spraying your musk on a date
is a real mood killer.

Trust me.

Ooh, I like your hair. [giggling]

You're like ugly hot.

I can't wait to show you around
the club scene.

-Party!
-[squealing]

Ah, you're a squealer. [chuckles]

I like that.

Hmm...

Todd has really taken a shine to you.

It's usually weeks
before he'll climb up on somebody.

[chuckles] Todd!

Say something to the nice royal.

Will you be my daddy?

Whoo-hoo!

I think we have a done deal here.

What do you have to say
to that, Butterfish?

How much longer this gonna take, baby?
I still gotta get to work.

I'm a handful.

[farts]

[farts]

[continues farting]

That's it? Where's the rest?

"Eaten or married."

Sorry, Your Majesty.

How's it going?

Have you found an undesirable yet?

[sighs]

I thought having a brother
would finally make us a real family.

Instead, I've lost everything.

Enjoy the throne.

-I sure did.
-Eh...

Julien, please...

I'm still your brother.

Still friends, right?

Oh, of course, Brodney.

The only thing changed by you being king

is my life not having meaning anymore.

No biggie.

[sighs]

Your Majesty...

-Son...
-Don't look at me!

I am hideous without my crown.

Everyone can see my receding fur line,

which is no doubt inherited!

What have we done, Barty?

If only this were still the days
of your brother's reign.

Back then, anything
that threatened the king

had a nasty way of just disappearing.

Hang on, I'm...

What?

-King Julien?
-Your Majesty?

[Julien] There's no one here
by that title. Go away!

What are you doing?

The right thing.

I'm supporting my brother and my family
by leaving.

How is that the right thing?

Please, Maurice, everyone knows
what a great king I've been.

The bar is too high.

Brodney will always feel inferior
if I stay.

I'll be fine. Going back to my roots.

The party prince.

This booty has been away too long.

Um, you still party all the time.

[shouts]

Your Majesty, are you all right?

Stop calling me that.

Just let me go.

You're leaving?

Mort? What are you...

[shushing] No words.

I tried to replace you,

but you can't just make someone
what you want them to be.

So I am leaving, too.

I believe they call that "shwarma".

-You're thinking of "karma", Mort.
-[Mort shushes]

No words.

I want to remember--

Where's your crown?

The king's brarriage brackfired.

I mean, it backfired.

Rod... Brodney's the king now. Wait, what?

Turns out my younger brother
is older than he looks.

We've tried to find a way--

I can get you your crown back.

[both] What, say what, what now?

Mort, you gorgeous little imp!

Tell me how!

Tell me! Do it!

[shouting] Come on! Right now! Tell me!

[giggling] Does this mean you missed me
and want me back?

-Ow!
-Don't push it.

Mommy, Daddy, I have great news!

Where's Brodney?

He's gone, sweetheart.

Come over here and have some lunch.

-I think we're eating clams.
-[squeaking]

Are clams able to run like that?

[chuckling] I don't know.

Why do you have my crown?

What have you done to Brodney?

Please, it was nothing barbaric.

We simply handled the problem
the way your uncle would have.

We had him thrown
into the pit of ultimate suckage.

You're welcome.

[screaming]

Do they let just anyone have a baby?

Isn't there a test?

[Brodney screaming]

Brodney!

Hold on. I'm coming, Brother!

[exclaiming]

Brodney, where are you?

Send up a stink trail or something,
so I can find-- Whoa!

[screams]

Hm...

Huh?

Brodney?

Brodney, we have to get out of here.

Uh-uh. I'm staying.

Mom and Dad said you didn't want me
around anymore.

I thought we were brothers.

Friends.

We are.

Unfortunately, you were purchased
by really messed up parents.

It's my fault.

I wanted a little brother

who'd look up to me
and complete my family.

But you got me instead.

Yeah! And I'm happy I did.

You're the best older brother
I never wanted.

And I don't want to lose you.

-So, let's go.
-[growling]

[Brodney screaming]

What is that?

I think it's the "suckage" part
in "the pit of ultimate suckage."

Brodney-- Ow!

No pressure.

But I could really use
some help right now!

[grunting] And there goes my liver.

What do I do?

I'm afraid!

You're royalty, Brodney!

Oof! And my brother!

Ow! You have a vomit inducing musk gland!

Come on, man. You've got this. Oh!

-I believe in you.
-Okay.

[screams and farts]

[screams]

[grunts]

[tentacle retching]

Wow. Didn't know tentacles could vomit.

Learn somethin' every day.

Yeah, I saved you.

That's the second time
I've ever been glad to be me.

Oh, what was the first?

The day we got brarried.

-[laughing]
-Aw.

Your Majesty, there you are!

Are you all right?
Your parents told us what they did.

I'm fine.

Thanks to my brother.

Uh, did Mort come through?

[Mort] Did I?

A female aye-aye?

That's right, buddy. [chuckling]

-We're sure that's a girl, right?
-Mm-hmm.

Hey, this doesn't change
anything, Brodney.

We're still brothers.

And if you want to remain king...

Eh, the crown belongs to you.

And besides, I've always imagined
myself a lover...

[grunts] not a ruler.

He, he, he.

Hi.

I'm Bronda.

Oh...

Is that pronounced "B"
plus the sound "Ronda"?

[both screaming and farting]

[both laughing]

Aw. Isn't love creepy?

Soon as they marry, you'll be king again.

And no one had to die.

Always a win in my book.

Thanks Mom and Dad
for nearly getting me killed!

[both] Mm-hmm.

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

I know how badly you wanted parents

that were loving, attentive,
not psychopaths.

Eh... They could use some improvement.

Improvement?

Your Majesty, forgive me,
but they have failed.

Fine.

But what do you do when your parents
are the worst people you've ever met?

I know a guy who could make 'em disappear.

Real discrete. Ow!

I am not killing my parents.

But I can't live like this either.

One way or the other,

they have to go.