All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 1 - Oh Captain! My Captain! Pt.1 - full transcript

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪



♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[Piney]
Previously on All Hail King Julien.

Our plucky hero is missing, presumed dead,
after driving the Mega-Gecko Aspire

out to sea where it exploded.

-[Julien] Guys!
-[all] No!

Poor Maurice, Clover and Mort
have just got to find their beloved king.

And Ted...

Well, Ted's lost his favorite sock.

Where the heck is that sock?

[Clover] Hmm?

[all yelling in panic]

It's mine!



Got my spit on it!

[Mort grunting]

[Maurice sputtering]

Mort, what are you doing?

I'm hoarding! Everybody's doing it.

-What?
-[all yelling]

Why?

Since the mango harvest is canceled,

there won't be enough mangoes
for everyone.

Who said anything about
canceling the mango harvest?

We can't have the harvest
without King Julien!

If he doesn't pick the first mango
and give it a royal blessing,

Gladys, the goddess of fruits and grains,
will smite our land

and we'll endure 100 years of hunger
and sadness!

[sobbing]
Just like my life without King Julien.

[thuds]

Mmm, Gladys does have a tendency to smite.

Maybe we don't need the harvest.

Yeah, I'm sure we have
plenty of mangoes left.

Nope. Crate's empty.

-No more mangoes.
-Mango!

Um...

Wait a minute,
what about all those mangoes?

I'm shipping those out.

Shipping them where?

The same faraway island
I send them every month.

Uncle King Julien set it up
when he was king.

[stuttering]
What? You do what now?

Maurice, I found it! Come on!

-[gasps]
-What do you want me to do with these?

[Maurice]
Shipment's canceled!

Shipment, schmipment, we still have
a mango shortage on our hands.

[all yelling]

[Timo] This is the flight recorder
I installed in the Mega Gecko's cockpit.

It should tell us what happened
in King Julien's final moments.

-[Julien singing]
-[Clover gasps]

Oh! King Julien?

King Julien!

[Julien continues singing]

[gasps]
King Julien's in this tiny box!

[Julien sings louder]

Hold on, King Julien! I'll get you out!

No, Mort, stop!

Let me go!

King Julien's not in there.

[woman's voice]
Fifteen seconds.

[Julien]
Fifteen seconds?

[Julien sobs]

[Julien]
This is it. Goodbye, me.

Wow, my brain is having all sorts
of near-death wisdom thoughts.

If only I were being recorded right now,

I would tell everyone the really
important thing I just realized.

All you need is... Ooh.

Is that an ejection button?
Let me just...

[Julien screams]

[splashes]

-He got out!
-King Julien's alive!

-[Mort] Oh!
-[Clover] Huh?

[Mort] I knew it! I knew he couldn't die!

My King Julien's alive! Alive!

[laughs] Not only is he alive,
but I know how to find him!

Data's uploading now.

Four and three, carry the... Bingo!

According to my calculations,

you will find King Julien right here!

That settles it. I'll set sail on the
S.S. Peepee Pants immediately.

It's the only way to cover that much area.

[Julien groaning]

Ah!

Okay, I'm on a pirate ship
in the middle of nowhere!

Ah!

This is so not how
I wanted to spend my day.

[men grunting and exclaiming]

Nice work with the teeth there,
One-Leg Davy!

[grunting and exclaiming continues]

These pirates are a bunch
of dangerous freaks!

[Captain]
Gather round! Trophy time!

Trophies. Maybe I'm
all wrong about these guys.

...the second month in a row,
our Most Valuable Plunderer award goes to

One-Eyed Simon!

Aw, shucks! Thanks, Captain.

Well, you deserve it, Si.

Showed some real hustle out there.

As you know, on my ship,
everyone gets a trophy.

I can't believe I was worried.
I'm sure they'll help me get home.

The Most Likely to Need Improvement award
goes to Jimmy.

Uh, it looks like an anchor.

[laughing]

It is an anchor, Jim. Hold on tight.

[Jim] Wah-haa!

Ah!

[snaps fingers]

[Julien gulps] Oh.

[laughs] Ahoy there!

[Julien] Ah!

Welcome! This is my ship,
The Bonny Bonnie.

I'm Captain Ethan the Gassy.

Oh, this here's my crew.

Lil Arms Magee, One-Eyed Simon,

And No-Name Jack.

Thanks, Captain, for rescuing me and all.
Totally appreciate it.

Now, if you could direct me
to the nearest lifeboat,

I'll just be on my way.

[all laughing]

[laughing uncertainly]

No, we didn't rescue you, we captured you.

Uh, unfortunately, I don't think I can fit
"being a hostage" into my schedule today.

I'm pretty slammed.

No problem, buddy!

We just had an opening in our cabin boy
department and guess what, you're hired!

That's great.

-Well done!
-Wow.

[Magee]
We knew you could do it!

Thanks. [chuckles]

Aw, gee, I don't know what to-- See you!

[Julien yelling]

We've got a swimmer!

[Julien sputtering]

Come on, guys! After him!

Whoever catches him gets
an extra dollop of gruel with dinner.

[Julien crying]

[Julien yelling]

[sighs] And a trophy.

Thanks, but what are you gonna do
about the mango shortage?

I'm sure Gladys will understand

if we don't have
a royal blessing just this once.

Snap out of it, Maurice!
You know better than to anger Gladys!

The kingdom can't take that kind of wrath.
[shudders]

[indistinct chatter]

[lemur 1] It just couldn't be.

-[lemur 2] Oh, my gosh!
-King Julien?

[lemur 3]
Now that's what I call exciting.

-[Willie] Got my spit on it!
-[Horst] Unhand that mango!

No, it's mine!

-Who are they?
-I can't believe it.

[Maurice]
It's Princess Julienne and Prince Barty.

King Julien's parents!

Ugh, I forgot how ugly they all are.

Barty, please tell me you brought
your travel scepter?

I can't risk one of their filthy hands
touching me.

Oh, I left the travel scepter back
at the condo.

Blazes! Why did I pack so lightly?

Close your eyes, dear.

Remember, what we can't see doesn't exist.

Mine! I saw it first!

-[all yelling]
-But I thought they were dead.

I wish.

You'll have to excuse our surprise,
Your Majesties.

We thought you were dead.

Barty, why is it talking to us?

Perhaps it wants something.

[loudly]
Do you require food?

Ah.

Okay, so...

As you clearly don't remember,

I'm Maurice, King Julien's royal advisor,

and may I introduce Clover?

[sniffing] Good heavens.
What is that appalling smell?

[sniffing]

Yuck! It smells like foosa droppings.

[loudly]
Did I step in foosa droppings?

I need to know,
and you're the only one down there.

Anyway, it's, uh, nice to see you again.

Though, I wish it wasn't under
these sad circumstances.

Yes, it is rather unfortunate.

And entirely inconvenient, I might add.

Without our monthly allowance--

[both] Monthly what?

You're referring to our mangoes?

[loudly]
Mangoes! It's a fruit!

Wait. The monthly shipment of mangoes.
It goes to you?

Of course.

What other sad circumstances
could you possibly be referring to?

Um, your son!

Ah, yes, where is--

Oh, my goodness, I've forgotten his name.
It begins with an "R"?

No, no, no,
I think it starts with an "L," dear.

Of course it does.

L... Um... L...

No, that's not right.

Perhaps a silent "P."

Pa-pa-pa, p-p-pa.

Potatoes!

King Julien has gone missing.

Missing? Well, that is serious.

But I don't see what it has to do
with our mangoes.

[both] He's your son!

Barty, what if our mangoes are with him?

How could you talk about
a bunch of mangoes at a time like--

How can they be so--

-I just-- I wanna-- Grr!
-Shh.

Da! Ha! Hyah!

I know. But remember, they're not
like you and me. They're royalty.

-[echoing]
-Huh?

Just tell them we don't have any mangoes
so they'll go away!

Hold on. What's she going on
about no mangoes?

It's true. We're running low.

But luckily, it's harvest time,
which is why we need your help.

-Hmm?
-Help?

[both laughing]

Do we look like a pair of farmers to you?

[continue laughing]

Farmers!

-[Barty] Good fun! Good fun!
-[Julienne laughing]

You're a pair of something, all right.

Royals. A pair of royals.
Which is just what we need.

Give it to me!

It's mine.

Don't worry, Maurice.
We'll find King Julien and bring him home.

[lemur] It's my mango!

Please hurry.

Listen up, everyone!

Hey! Stop fighting and listen!

[whistles]

[grunts]

I've got good news.

This is Princess Julienne
and Prince Barty,

King Julien's parents.

They will be filling in
until King Julien returns.

They will also be picking the first mango
and blessing our annual harvest,

which means there will be
plenty of mangoes for everyone!

[all cheering]

And I have your word that
upon King Julien's return,

our monthly allowance will be restored,
and we can be on our way?

You have my word.

How long do we have to keep moving
our arms like this?

I don't want any of them to get the idea
we care about them.

[cheering continues]

[Julien muttering]

[whimpering]

Uh, hello?

Is someone back there lurking
in the shadows?

Because, not gonna lie,
you're freaking me out!

Ah! [whimpering]

Sage! Sage!

[laughing] Boy, am I glad to see you!

You see only the face that I present
to the world.

Don't be fooled.

It is but a mirage,
and you a thirsty nomad.

-I am parched.
-[door unlocking]

You two! Up on deck!

[groans]

Excuse me, Captain?

Unfortunately, I have very delicate paws.

See?

Soft like a baby's bottom.

So you can imagine, this whole swabbing
the deck thing isn't going to work.

No problem,
you can empty the toilet buckets instead!

Ah, I knew that you'd--
Empty the who's the what now?

[coughing]

[gagging]

I've got to get off this ship.

My peoples are lost without me!
Plus, it's harvest time.

Who is going to bless all the mangoes?

And more importantly,
this is really gross!

I mean-- [gagging]

Sage, are you listening?

You'll have to ask my soul.

It controls my body's answering machine.

[heart beating]

Leave a message at the heart beep.

Control! [laughs]

Sage, you brawny genius!

You're right!

The only way to get home
is to take control of this ship!

With my brains and your muscly physique,
what could go wrong?

[Julien] Oh! Ah!

I hope this dish of wood chips, sea foam,
and my own spittle

will nourish your bodies.

[slurps] Ahh. Oh!

I know who's getting the trophy
for best gruel!

Hmm...

Aw, man,
I really thought I had it this time.

[Julien yells]

Anyone else having an issue
with all this, ah, rocking?

Ah! No? Okay, just me then. Ah!

-[gurgling]
-[farts]

No, false alarm. [chuckles]
Everybody can relax.

I'm totally oka--

[vomiting]

Don't worry. It all went into my bucket.

[Julien vomiting]

Nope. Didn't catch it that time.
It went all over the-- Oh!

Okay, I'm sure you both want to settle in
and you should probably rest up

for the blessing of the mangoes,

so I'm gonna go. Let me know
if you need anything. Bye!

Huh?

[loudly]
Get yourself something pretty.

Thank you.

[bell rings]

-[Julienne] Mark!
-What the--

[ringing]

Little slow. Work on that.

Right on course.

We should be entering the blast radius
by morning.

[whispering]
'Kay, just follow my lead.

So, Sage, you hear the Captain talking
about that new super special trophy?

What? A trophy?

Oh, yeah.

Word on the boat is,
it's like a million times better

than all the other trophies combined.

Really? How do we get it then?

Pff, easy.

The super special trophy will go to
whoever gives the Captain the best hug!

Cor.

Aw, what's wrong, buddy?

[sobbing]
I'll never win with these arms.

They're so tiny and useless.

[crying loudly]

Look!

I can't even wipe me own tears!

Come on now, don't talk
about yourself like that. Don't worry.

It just so happens that where I come from,

I'm a world champion hugger.

Yep. Won 12 years in a row.
I could maybe coach you.

You'd do that?

Of course I would.

After all, you've been
so good about capturing me,

keeping me here against my will

and making sure I'm locked up
in a cold, dank cell every night

without food, water, or even a blanket.
It's the least I can do, buddy.

Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Come on!

Bring it in.

[clears throat] You see, the "key"
to a good hug is the back-patting.

-Like so.
-[Magee] Oh, yeah.

-[Julien] Sage!
-I like that. It's nice.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[whispering] Sage! Sage!

Here. What was that?

Nothing. Now pay attention.

The second "key" to a good hug
is body contact.

Bring it in a little closer.

You really want that
torso on torso action.

[quietly] Oh!

No, no, no, Sage is doing it all wrong.

Do you see how he's ignoring the keys,

which I just outlined?

Well, I think you've got the basics down!

Namaste.

Now go! Practice what I taught you

and that trophy will be yours!

Boom shakalaka!

-[bell rings]
-[Maurice groans]

What?

Yech!

Is everything okay, Maurice?
Bells have been ringing all night!

No time to stop. Cake o'clock. Again.

Got it!

Let's go.

Any ideas?

So many.

They wash over me
like a never-ending wave--

Shh. Don't speak. I'll handle this.

[box creaking loudly]

[snoring]

Huh?

Hmm?

Hey, I can't see!

Ow! Careful.

I hope I don't fall! [shouts]

[splashes]

Wow! Look at all this booty!

Ah! Oh.

Okay. [chuckles]

You caught us. [chuckles]

Can't blame a lemur for trying, though,
am I right? Am I right? [sobs]

[snoring]

[giggles]

He's asleep! [laughs]

It's a little creepy.

-[squeaking]
-Hmm?

-[Mort humming]
-Mort, what're you doing?

I'm finding my King Julien!

No, no, no! You're, ugh...

You're going the wrong way!
We're supposed to be going this way!

No! King Julien is this way!

[both grunting]

Let go, Mort.

Um, we have another one of those, right?

No, Mort, we do not have another one--

[both yelling]

Huh? Mort, do something!

Too many holes!

[Clover] Oh, come on!

Back-pat, torso action.

Back-pat, torso action.

Blimey.

[Magee] Where's the Captain?

Everybody! Where's the Captain!

Ha! That's right!

We've got the Captain

and we're taking this ship!

Argh!

Sage!

Do you mean him?

Sage! What happened?

How could that crocodile with
the tiny baby arms tie you up?

Oi! I can hear you!

He didn't. I tied myself up in protest.

I hope my symbolic act will help
end violence everywhere.

Oh, you have got to be--
You are like so unhelpful, man!

[Captain grunting]

Now then, if you want to take this ship,
you've got to become captain.

And the only way to become captain...

is to fight me!

How about we make this a fair fight.
Give my challenger a weapon!

Uh, are trophies still available?

For the love of... Yes! Whoever gives
him a weapon will get a trophy.

Unbelievable! I'm sorry
I ever started that whole trophy thing!

A broom. Nice.

[grunting]

Hey! En garde!

[both grunting]

[Julien groaning]

[Julien laughing]

Ha-ha!

Ohh!

[Captain chuckles]

[mumbles incoherently]

[Captain] Thank you so much!

Oi, look over there!

Oh! Ahoy there! [laughs]

Hey, watch it! Careful with that thing.

Well, looks like I've got you right
where I want you, doesn't it, hotshot?

Time to walk the plank.

[Julien shudders]

[Mort crying]

I can't believe it's going to end
this way.

Just me and Mort in a toilet.

I've never had to work this hard
for anything in my whole life!

It's absolutely unfair.

This was part of the deal.

Do you want your mangoes or not?

Hmm. Fine.

All right, everybody, let's do this!

Princess Julienne will now
pick the first--

There! Are we done now?

No, you have to take the first bite,

bless the mangoes, and declare
that it will be a good harvest.

Ugh! Oh, it's... [distorted] disgusting!

[Julienne] You call that a mango?
It's not even ripe.

I require a palate cleanser!

The harvest is bad!

[lemur] Bad harvest killed my cousin, man.

We're all gonna die!

-[all yelling]
-Oh, my gosh, I'm freaking out.

[Piney]
So, as you can see,

everybody's in a whole heap of trouble.

The kingdom's in a panic, Mort and Clover
are going down with the ship,

and King Julien is walking the plank
to a watery grave.

Lot of teeth.

And Ted? Well, Ted found his sock.

Well, hooray!

Too bad about everybody else, though.

A real shame.

Poo!

[pirate music playing]