All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 3, Episode 2 - Oh Captain! My Captain! Pt.2 - full transcript
Clover and Mort race to rescue their king as Julien tries to avoid the pirates' plank by showing off his prime "pirate recruit" booty moves.
[theme song playing]
♪ Party ♪
-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
♪ Get down for the get down ♪
-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
♪ Tonight will be forever ♪
♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪
♪ Woof! ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪
♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪
♪ All hail King Julien! ♪
[shouts, cries]
[all clamoring]
The harvest.
It's... It's gone unblessed by the royals!
[shouting] No!
We're all gonna starve!
[munching loudly]
I'm eating dirt here! I'm eating dirt!
Please, Your Majesties,
do something. Anything!
Sigh.
[bell jingling]
Huh?
Okay, okay, everybody.
Princess Julienne wants to say something.
All you little people, pay attention.
It is true that we could not
bless the mangoes--
Because the mangoes were disgusting
and made our tongues
feel like cheap tourists
buying stale chewing gum
from street urchins.
-Well said, dear.
-Thank you.
Know this. There are other and better ways
to appease Gladys,
the goddess of fruits and grains.
-There are?
-Of course there are.
Gladys will always accept
a lemur sacrifice.
A lemur what...
Sacrifice a what?
Lemur sacrifice?
Nah, let's not be too hasty.
Everyone knows that blood
always works with the gods.
Gods and royals both, of course.
But then, we are the nearest things
to gods, aren't we, dear?
Barty, you naughty rapscallion.
[both laughing]
Stop that!
Well, they are royals.
I mean, we are legally required
to sacrifice somebody, right?
Well, it sounds reasonable to me.
Ted.
Oh, scrumplekins! Why me?
Because Mort's not here.
And, you're number two
on the official sacrifice list.
Oh, Ted. Always dreaming of being Mr. Big.
Putting yourself on the sacrifice list.
I... Uh... [chuckles nervously]
[screaming gibberish]
Undesirables,
capture the excitable lemur
and Gladys, the goddess
of fruits and grains, will be very happy!
[cheering]
Finally, a chance to use these bolos!
Whoo!
[laughs nervously]
Sounds kinda drastic, Your M--
Carry this, Mark.
There's a good manservant.
Uh... Huh?
[Julien whimpering]
I hope you don't mind,
but it's time to walk the plank
to a watery grave. [chuckles]
Good luck there, young sir.
I... Uh...
[shouting] Sage! Help!
That sound...
[shouts] Help!
Like the vocalization of a cat
giving birth to the placenta
of endless possibilities.
Sage!
That's our super secret
distress signal thing we do.
Help! Remember?
Memory is but an echo of the wind
weeping for its lost spoon.
Yes, I know.
But call your giant bird thingy!
What giant bird thingy?
-The one that feeds you bird vomit?
-Oh, right.
[squawking]
Oh, snap! We are so outta here.
Outie-five-thousand! Hey, pirates! See ya!
[screeching]
Hey!
Uh... That could have gone better.
But, it was fun. Am I right?
-[laughing]
-Yeah, of course I'm...
All right, buddy, over the side.
[laughing nervously]
[grunting]
Mort, we're sinking fast. If we go down,
we'll never find King Julien.
-No! We must not fail him.
-Here, take these bloomers.
Clover, I'm flattered,
but I don't think this is the time.
Ugh! No, the sail!
Hm?
You're the only one that can fit.
Get down there and plug that leak.
[Mort] I shall stuff that hole
for King Julien!
[sighs]
I cannot believe
I am going to orphan my kingdom.
They'll be so sad.
They'll be all, like,
"Where is that beautiful booty?
It's gone. It was eaten by the sharks."
[sobbing]
No! It is not going down like that.
Hey, I don't want to
tell you pirates your job,
but, uh...
you are about to chum the waters
with some prime pirate recruit booty here.
Check it.
-[making grunting noises]
-[dance music playing]
I've shaken more booty,
stirred more booty,
dropped more booty to the floor
than anybody.
I mean, I put the "oo"
in booty up in here.
-Can I get a "what-what"?
-What-what!
Lil Arms Magee knows
what I'm talking about.
That Mr. Julien has perfect arms.
So well-proportioned to the rest of him.
You know what else there, Cap'n?
If you make me a pirate,
I won't need no stinkin' trophies neither.
I'll do all my sweet,
piratey action trophy-free.
So, what do you say? Eh? Eh!
[sighs]
Fine. You're a pirate.
Trial period only.
You talk big booty,
let's see you make it happen.
You will not be disappointed, Cap'n.
We are gonna be so stuffed with booty.
I mean stuffed! With booty!
Let the raiding and pillaging begin!
Arrr!
[grunting]
Come on, Mort. Come on.
Whee!
[Mort] Toilet water!
Hmm?
It worked! Ha!
The little fella plugged the leak!
Let's bring you home, soldier. [grunts]
Look what I found. Urinal cake!
-Mm. Delicious!
-Start paddling, Mort.
Those bloomers aren't gonna hold for long.
Everybody, follow my lead!
-[Julien] Pirates!
-Pirates!
Arrgh!
-Scurvy!
-Scallywags!
Looting! Raiding!
Pillaging!
-[growling]
-[all scream]
-[Julien] Scallywags! Peg-leg! Eyepatch!
-[laughing]
Up high!
All right, well, that raiding
and pillaging was, um... unique.
Ho-ho! I just loved it, Mr. Julien!
Thank you, thank you.
Let's see what booty you've got.
[all] Uh... Hmm...
Nothing?
No plunder?
-Not one piece of booty.
-[groans]
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
We got plenty of booty right here.
-Wha-- Check it!
-[dance music playing]
You can't spend that!
That's not what I've heard.
Can I get an "Ay-yo!"?
[all] Ay-yo!
People, look at me.
We did not get any loot.
Do we still get a trophy for looting?
You can't get a trophy for looting,
if you didn't loot anything!
You could give a trophy for
"Most Improved Looting."
I mean, if somebody never looted before.
Like, for example, me. So...
Yeah, yeah. That's a great trophy.
No!
You don't need a trophy
for everything you do.
[mimicking a child] "Oh, my feelings
are hurt if I don't get a trophy."
That's tough!
Do you know how many people
I had to pillage and raid
and kill to get to be captain?
Do you?
Sure, it was my dad's boat
and he sort of gave me an internship,
but in no way does that affect me
pulling myself up by my bootstraps!
Somebody got up on the wrong side
of the poop-deck this morning.
-[all chuckling]
-"Poop-deck." He said poop-deck.
Something you want to say
in the back there?
Uh, well, I was just telling Little Arms
and One-Eye here
that it can't be that hard to be captain.
Oh, really.
[chuckling]
Well, why don't you try it then, huh?
I dare you!
Well played, King Julien.
Oh, thank you very much, King Julien.
Oh, not at all.
I do need to get home, but maybe
a little pirate captaining can't hurt.
[laughs]
Right, my kidneys?
[cheering]
[grunts]
Oh!
Huntsman's horn,
how did I get myself into this?
I think he went this way.
Come on. He can't hide forever.
Psst! Huh?
Hiya, hon.
Made you some sandwiches
before you get sacrificed and all.
I told you not to put yourself
on that silly list.
[Horst] What a minute,
who's that Dorothy is talking to?
Oh, I just saw Ted.
-He went off that way, don't you know?
-Come on, let's net him!
But, I want to use my bolos.
I think we can do both, right?
[whispers] I love you!
[softly] This is just like the time
we hunted my brother down.
We ran him off that cliff.
-Oh, the look on his face.
-Priceless.
-[laughing]
-You two are talking about murder.
-Oh, for heaven's sakes.
-What do you think, Barty?
-Spear or crossbow?
-Oh, spear, I think. More sporting.
No, uh-uh. You are not getting this spear
if I have any say in it.
I can't imagine why
you would have a say in it.
Well... tally-ho!
Loud noises! Very loud noises!
Oh, my tenders!
Sorry, Princess.
Had something in my throat. Loud noises.
It... It went away.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dear.
He's a slippery one.
Plus, Mark here is clearly very needy.
[bell jingling]
My name is not Mark
and I'm not that needy.
All done, Mort. She's seaworthy.
-Hello, hello. What's all this then?
-Ooh.
These footprints look familiar.
-[gasps] King Julien was here!
-What? Where?
I taste him.
My King Julien was here!
Oh! Oh! Ooh...
[laughing]
There's something else here...
It was pirates.
Pirates!
Oh, I know where the pirates live.
Maybe my King Julien is there.
So, Captain Julien, what's the plan?
Yeah, about that, I've been meaning
to ask you guys something.
♪ Gather round me hearties
I've questions to propose ♪
♪ On just exactly what it's like
To be captain of you bros ♪
♪ I've heard so many stories
Most crazy and spectacular ♪
♪ And of course, I'm familiar
With your colorful vernacular ♪
♪ But how do I decipher
The stories from the true? ♪
♪ Or to put it more simply
What exactly do pirates do? ♪
♪ What do we do?
What do we do? ♪
♪ Oh, so many answers ♪
♪ Boys give 'em a few
About what we do ♪
♪ Well, we spit in public
Act like dopes ♪
♪ And only stop to watch our soaps ♪
♪ We're into terror and velvet pants ♪
♪ And if you see us comin'
You'll pee in your... ♪
Ew. Is that what pirates do?
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate
Would do, do, do ♪
-♪ This is what a pirate would do ♪
-Hmm...
What if you saw
a tiny kitten up in a tree?
♪ We'd cut the tree down
And throw it in a stew ♪
♪ Slurp up his giblets
And chew, chew, chew ♪
Right. What about a regal lady?
Too bony for you to eat?
♪ We'd cut off her hair
And use it for bait ♪
♪ Throw her in a brig
With the other dead weight ♪
What about bathing?
♪ That is for babies ♪
What if you're dirty?
♪ Better for scabies ♪
Guys, ew! Is that really what pirates do?
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate
Would do, do, do ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do ♪
♪ I'm a pirate!
P-I-R-A-T-E ♪
♪ And I'm stinky!
S-T-I-N-K-Y ♪
♪ Got lots of stress!
S-T-R-E-S-S ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm body conscious!
C-O-N-S-C... ♪
♪ I don't know how to spell the rest ♪
♪ Well, of all the things I now know
And every question true ♪
♪ If this is what pirates
Would do, do, do
♪ This is what Pirates would do ♪
♪ Then I guess the answer
To your question is ♪
♪ When do I make my debut? ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do, do, do ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do ♪
What? Too long?
Oh, King Julien!
We have to save him.
When dealing with pirates,
I suggest a full frontal attack.
Hit 'em hard and fast
and be extra ruthless.
They won't see it coming.
[laughs menacingly]
Mort, the sea air really agrees with you.
I know. I like to put it in my stomach.
[burps]
Huh! A sail! A sail!
Ooh! Coming in fast, Captain Julien.
I think they mean to attack.
What do we do?
Ooh, uh...
Give me that!
Let's wipe 'em out, boys!
[shouting]
[panting]
Well, I guess Ted got away.
Too bad. No sacrifice today.
Oh, well. Back to the Baobab Tree
for some lychee cocktails. Maybe?
A little somethin', something-something--
[Barty] There's the little birdy up there.
I love your pet names
for the filthy commoners.
No! No! No! Don't!
Huh? Hm...
Uh, I think with the yardage
and the barometric pressure
and the grass clippings... I...
You should use the slingshot.
[grunting]
[screaming]
[laughing nervously]
Oh, thank Frank. I made it!
Hm?
[shouts]
Ow!
[gasping]
That's a bolo, Ted.
Your sacrifice is gonna save the kingdom.
Well, I've always wanted to be remembered.
Oh, golly, let's go for it. Take me away.
Oh, and sorry about the fear tinkle, guys.
Oh, Ted.
[shouting]
[gasps]
What?
I'm saved! [laughs]
[all] Arr!
Hit 'em head on!
Ramming speed!
[drumming]
Grr!
Attack!
[Captain Ethan]
Okay! Here we go, guys! Let's go!
Don't do that!
-[shouting]
-Ow!
[groaning]
-What?
-Nothing. Nothing at all.
[Mort] Prepare to die, pirate scum.
Clover! Mort! [giggling]
Am I glad to see you.
Now let's get out of here.
Really? I mean, well. You know,
we did come all this way to rescue you.
-Be kind of a shame not to have a fight.
-Yeah!
Let's get 'em!
It's Dread Pirate Mort!
Dread Pirate Mort!
No, no!
No prisoners!
[screaming]
Attack!
Hello? I'm the king here. Me!
My crazy is supposed to be
the only crazy we honor. Remember?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. King?
Well,
looks like we have a royal in our midst.
What?
Yeah, we could get a pretty penny for you.
Yeah, but he's my pretty penny.
So back off.
Dread Pirate Mort. Wow.
It's been too long, my old enemy.
Far too long.
When we last met,
we fought for the love of Empress Galeria
off the jagged coast of...
Fush.
I remember it well.
Mostly 'cause I have
a painting of it on my wall.
[giggling]
For Galeria!
[shouting]
[woozily] I'm helping, Clover.
[grunting]
[both grunting]
Ha! I gotta tell ya.
It's refreshing to fight a real pirate.
You know, pirates these days
are always wanting a trophy
or a pat on the back. [chuckles] Nice.
In our day, we had to rack-up
five or six kills
-before we even got out of bed. [chuckles]
-Kids. What are you gonna do?
[Julien] I'll save you, Clover!
[screaming] Oof!
-Ha-hah!
-Ahh!
-Hmm.
-You're welcome, Clover.
Uh...
What kind of a pirate has stumps for arms?
That is just mean.
[Clover screaming]
-[shattering]
-[grunts]
[groans]
[Captain Ethan laughs]
[groans]
-Huh. Fitting it should end this way.
-Dread Pirate Mort, it was an honor.
Raiding! Pillaging!
Get away from Mort.
[Captain Ethan screaming]
He may be a super annoying toady,
but he's my super annoying toady.
Who's got the booty now, huh?
Oh, King Julien. Oh, you saved me.
Mort, stop slobbering on me.
[Clover battle cries]
Okay, you went all... [mimicking Clover]
all over their faces.
Now can we go home?
[Ted sobbing]
Your Majesties,
can't we just bless the mangoes
and not sacrifice Ted?
Please? I mean, they're right here.
Don't be such a bunion, Mark.
-You're spoiling my fun.
-Whoa!
-[explosion]
-[gasping]
-[canon ball whizzing]
-Whoa!
I was afraid of that.
We made the captain mad.
Attack!
We need more hot air.
-Come on, Mort!
-[exhaling]
Too late. They're gaining on us.
Gotta try something else.
Feet!
-Get the feet, Mort. Get them.
-[Julien shouting]
-Come on, boy! Come on! Get the feet.
-So close.
We're almost there.
I can see the beach.
And everybody's on it.
Wowza. That fire is hot.
[screaming]
Oh, Ted, really,
that's too much drama, even for you.
It isn't even lit.
No, look!
They're not stopping.
Run, everybody! Run, Your Majesties! Run!
[everyone clamoring]
[Ted screaming]
[panting]
[coughing]
[sighing in relief]
You're alive!
Yes! I knew you'd make it back.
Oh, King Julien!
[sobbing]
Dial back the lemur-on-lemur love, Mo-Mo.
We got a real problem. Where is everybody?
We need the whole kingdom.
-They all left-
-Oh, niblets! Another ship!
[screaming]
[sighs]
[whimpering]
-[shouting]
-[gasps]
-[Clover gasps]
-[Julien] Ow!
And now, we finish this.
A king's ransom, if you please.
[shouting] Help!
[screeching]
Ow!
Sage, buddy! You heard
our super secret distress signal.
Ha! And you saved me!
Oh. Actually, I was just having
an argument with... [squawks]
[groans]
...and she dropped me here in her anger.
Love is a ticking bomb that reminds us
of the impermanence of rainbows.
[sighs]
-Here you go!
-[grunts]
Thanks, Dread Pirate Mort.
He spoke to me, you know. [laughs]
Hey, you guys still want
your king's ransom?
Because I am the king.
[chuckles] You guys like mangoes?
We got so many.
-All right!
-Yeah, we love mangoes.
Your Majesty, we don't have any mangoes
unless you bless them first.
Easy-peasy, Mo-Mo.
[laughing] Oh, baby, did daddy miss you.
My heady bits was all like,
"Where's my sweet crownage?"
Ah. Okay.
I bless these mangoes
and the mango harvest. Boom!
Thanks, Gladys, for all your Gladysness.
You rock, lady! Here you go.
Nice plundering with ya. See ya around.
You're the best, King Julien.
[whimpering]
Thank you for all the mangoes.
No problem, Lil Arms!
I think he's waving but I can't tell.
The mangoes have been blessed?
We're all gonna live!
King Julien,
there's something you gotta know.
Something you gotta prepare for.
[Julien] Mom?
Daddy? Is it really you?
Ha-ha! You heard I went missing,
and then you came back.
-[laughing]
-[organ playing]
I knew you still loved me.
I always knew it.
Nobody could ever shake that from me.
Oh! We're gonna be a family again.
Family!
Oh! F-A-M-I-L-Y!
-Family! [sobbing]
-Um... [groans]
Bring it in closer.
Give me the real thing.
Nobody can ever shake that from me.
[Princess Julienne] Ew. Gross.
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do, do, do
This is what a pirate would do ♪
[Julien] Hmm. What if you saw
a tiny kitten up in a tree?
♪ We'd cut the tree down
And throw it in a stew ♪
♪ Slurp up his giblets
And chew, chew, chew ♪
[Julien] Right. What about a regal lady?
Too bony for you to eat?
♪ We'd cut off her hair
And use it for bait ♪
♪ Throw her in a brig
With the other dead weight ♪
What about bathing?
♪ That is for babies ♪
What if you're dirty?
♪ Better for scabies ♪
Guys... Ew!
♪ Party ♪
-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
♪ Get down for the get down ♪
-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪
♪ Tonight will be forever ♪
♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪
♪ Woof! ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪
♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪
♪ All hail King Julien! ♪
[shouts, cries]
[all clamoring]
The harvest.
It's... It's gone unblessed by the royals!
[shouting] No!
We're all gonna starve!
[munching loudly]
I'm eating dirt here! I'm eating dirt!
Please, Your Majesties,
do something. Anything!
Sigh.
[bell jingling]
Huh?
Okay, okay, everybody.
Princess Julienne wants to say something.
All you little people, pay attention.
It is true that we could not
bless the mangoes--
Because the mangoes were disgusting
and made our tongues
feel like cheap tourists
buying stale chewing gum
from street urchins.
-Well said, dear.
-Thank you.
Know this. There are other and better ways
to appease Gladys,
the goddess of fruits and grains.
-There are?
-Of course there are.
Gladys will always accept
a lemur sacrifice.
A lemur what...
Sacrifice a what?
Lemur sacrifice?
Nah, let's not be too hasty.
Everyone knows that blood
always works with the gods.
Gods and royals both, of course.
But then, we are the nearest things
to gods, aren't we, dear?
Barty, you naughty rapscallion.
[both laughing]
Stop that!
Well, they are royals.
I mean, we are legally required
to sacrifice somebody, right?
Well, it sounds reasonable to me.
Ted.
Oh, scrumplekins! Why me?
Because Mort's not here.
And, you're number two
on the official sacrifice list.
Oh, Ted. Always dreaming of being Mr. Big.
Putting yourself on the sacrifice list.
I... Uh... [chuckles nervously]
[screaming gibberish]
Undesirables,
capture the excitable lemur
and Gladys, the goddess
of fruits and grains, will be very happy!
[cheering]
Finally, a chance to use these bolos!
Whoo!
[laughs nervously]
Sounds kinda drastic, Your M--
Carry this, Mark.
There's a good manservant.
Uh... Huh?
[Julien whimpering]
I hope you don't mind,
but it's time to walk the plank
to a watery grave. [chuckles]
Good luck there, young sir.
I... Uh...
[shouting] Sage! Help!
That sound...
[shouts] Help!
Like the vocalization of a cat
giving birth to the placenta
of endless possibilities.
Sage!
That's our super secret
distress signal thing we do.
Help! Remember?
Memory is but an echo of the wind
weeping for its lost spoon.
Yes, I know.
But call your giant bird thingy!
What giant bird thingy?
-The one that feeds you bird vomit?
-Oh, right.
[squawking]
Oh, snap! We are so outta here.
Outie-five-thousand! Hey, pirates! See ya!
[screeching]
Hey!
Uh... That could have gone better.
But, it was fun. Am I right?
-[laughing]
-Yeah, of course I'm...
All right, buddy, over the side.
[laughing nervously]
[grunting]
Mort, we're sinking fast. If we go down,
we'll never find King Julien.
-No! We must not fail him.
-Here, take these bloomers.
Clover, I'm flattered,
but I don't think this is the time.
Ugh! No, the sail!
Hm?
You're the only one that can fit.
Get down there and plug that leak.
[Mort] I shall stuff that hole
for King Julien!
[sighs]
I cannot believe
I am going to orphan my kingdom.
They'll be so sad.
They'll be all, like,
"Where is that beautiful booty?
It's gone. It was eaten by the sharks."
[sobbing]
No! It is not going down like that.
Hey, I don't want to
tell you pirates your job,
but, uh...
you are about to chum the waters
with some prime pirate recruit booty here.
Check it.
-[making grunting noises]
-[dance music playing]
I've shaken more booty,
stirred more booty,
dropped more booty to the floor
than anybody.
I mean, I put the "oo"
in booty up in here.
-Can I get a "what-what"?
-What-what!
Lil Arms Magee knows
what I'm talking about.
That Mr. Julien has perfect arms.
So well-proportioned to the rest of him.
You know what else there, Cap'n?
If you make me a pirate,
I won't need no stinkin' trophies neither.
I'll do all my sweet,
piratey action trophy-free.
So, what do you say? Eh? Eh!
[sighs]
Fine. You're a pirate.
Trial period only.
You talk big booty,
let's see you make it happen.
You will not be disappointed, Cap'n.
We are gonna be so stuffed with booty.
I mean stuffed! With booty!
Let the raiding and pillaging begin!
Arrr!
[grunting]
Come on, Mort. Come on.
Whee!
[Mort] Toilet water!
Hmm?
It worked! Ha!
The little fella plugged the leak!
Let's bring you home, soldier. [grunts]
Look what I found. Urinal cake!
-Mm. Delicious!
-Start paddling, Mort.
Those bloomers aren't gonna hold for long.
Everybody, follow my lead!
-[Julien] Pirates!
-Pirates!
Arrgh!
-Scurvy!
-Scallywags!
Looting! Raiding!
Pillaging!
-[growling]
-[all scream]
-[Julien] Scallywags! Peg-leg! Eyepatch!
-[laughing]
Up high!
All right, well, that raiding
and pillaging was, um... unique.
Ho-ho! I just loved it, Mr. Julien!
Thank you, thank you.
Let's see what booty you've got.
[all] Uh... Hmm...
Nothing?
No plunder?
-Not one piece of booty.
-[groans]
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
We got plenty of booty right here.
-Wha-- Check it!
-[dance music playing]
You can't spend that!
That's not what I've heard.
Can I get an "Ay-yo!"?
[all] Ay-yo!
People, look at me.
We did not get any loot.
Do we still get a trophy for looting?
You can't get a trophy for looting,
if you didn't loot anything!
You could give a trophy for
"Most Improved Looting."
I mean, if somebody never looted before.
Like, for example, me. So...
Yeah, yeah. That's a great trophy.
No!
You don't need a trophy
for everything you do.
[mimicking a child] "Oh, my feelings
are hurt if I don't get a trophy."
That's tough!
Do you know how many people
I had to pillage and raid
and kill to get to be captain?
Do you?
Sure, it was my dad's boat
and he sort of gave me an internship,
but in no way does that affect me
pulling myself up by my bootstraps!
Somebody got up on the wrong side
of the poop-deck this morning.
-[all chuckling]
-"Poop-deck." He said poop-deck.
Something you want to say
in the back there?
Uh, well, I was just telling Little Arms
and One-Eye here
that it can't be that hard to be captain.
Oh, really.
[chuckling]
Well, why don't you try it then, huh?
I dare you!
Well played, King Julien.
Oh, thank you very much, King Julien.
Oh, not at all.
I do need to get home, but maybe
a little pirate captaining can't hurt.
[laughs]
Right, my kidneys?
[cheering]
[grunts]
Oh!
Huntsman's horn,
how did I get myself into this?
I think he went this way.
Come on. He can't hide forever.
Psst! Huh?
Hiya, hon.
Made you some sandwiches
before you get sacrificed and all.
I told you not to put yourself
on that silly list.
[Horst] What a minute,
who's that Dorothy is talking to?
Oh, I just saw Ted.
-He went off that way, don't you know?
-Come on, let's net him!
But, I want to use my bolos.
I think we can do both, right?
[whispers] I love you!
[softly] This is just like the time
we hunted my brother down.
We ran him off that cliff.
-Oh, the look on his face.
-Priceless.
-[laughing]
-You two are talking about murder.
-Oh, for heaven's sakes.
-What do you think, Barty?
-Spear or crossbow?
-Oh, spear, I think. More sporting.
No, uh-uh. You are not getting this spear
if I have any say in it.
I can't imagine why
you would have a say in it.
Well... tally-ho!
Loud noises! Very loud noises!
Oh, my tenders!
Sorry, Princess.
Had something in my throat. Loud noises.
It... It went away.
Don't be too hard on yourself, dear.
He's a slippery one.
Plus, Mark here is clearly very needy.
[bell jingling]
My name is not Mark
and I'm not that needy.
All done, Mort. She's seaworthy.
-Hello, hello. What's all this then?
-Ooh.
These footprints look familiar.
-[gasps] King Julien was here!
-What? Where?
I taste him.
My King Julien was here!
Oh! Oh! Ooh...
[laughing]
There's something else here...
It was pirates.
Pirates!
Oh, I know where the pirates live.
Maybe my King Julien is there.
So, Captain Julien, what's the plan?
Yeah, about that, I've been meaning
to ask you guys something.
♪ Gather round me hearties
I've questions to propose ♪
♪ On just exactly what it's like
To be captain of you bros ♪
♪ I've heard so many stories
Most crazy and spectacular ♪
♪ And of course, I'm familiar
With your colorful vernacular ♪
♪ But how do I decipher
The stories from the true? ♪
♪ Or to put it more simply
What exactly do pirates do? ♪
♪ What do we do?
What do we do? ♪
♪ Oh, so many answers ♪
♪ Boys give 'em a few
About what we do ♪
♪ Well, we spit in public
Act like dopes ♪
♪ And only stop to watch our soaps ♪
♪ We're into terror and velvet pants ♪
♪ And if you see us comin'
You'll pee in your... ♪
Ew. Is that what pirates do?
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate
Would do, do, do ♪
-♪ This is what a pirate would do ♪
-Hmm...
What if you saw
a tiny kitten up in a tree?
♪ We'd cut the tree down
And throw it in a stew ♪
♪ Slurp up his giblets
And chew, chew, chew ♪
Right. What about a regal lady?
Too bony for you to eat?
♪ We'd cut off her hair
And use it for bait ♪
♪ Throw her in a brig
With the other dead weight ♪
What about bathing?
♪ That is for babies ♪
What if you're dirty?
♪ Better for scabies ♪
Guys, ew! Is that really what pirates do?
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate
Would do, do, do ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do ♪
♪ I'm a pirate!
P-I-R-A-T-E ♪
♪ And I'm stinky!
S-T-I-N-K-Y ♪
♪ Got lots of stress!
S-T-R-E-S-S ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm body conscious!
C-O-N-S-C... ♪
♪ I don't know how to spell the rest ♪
♪ Well, of all the things I now know
And every question true ♪
♪ If this is what pirates
Would do, do, do
♪ This is what Pirates would do ♪
♪ Then I guess the answer
To your question is ♪
♪ When do I make my debut? ♪
♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do, do, do ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do ♪
What? Too long?
Oh, King Julien!
We have to save him.
When dealing with pirates,
I suggest a full frontal attack.
Hit 'em hard and fast
and be extra ruthless.
They won't see it coming.
[laughs menacingly]
Mort, the sea air really agrees with you.
I know. I like to put it in my stomach.
[burps]
Huh! A sail! A sail!
Ooh! Coming in fast, Captain Julien.
I think they mean to attack.
What do we do?
Ooh, uh...
Give me that!
Let's wipe 'em out, boys!
[shouting]
[panting]
Well, I guess Ted got away.
Too bad. No sacrifice today.
Oh, well. Back to the Baobab Tree
for some lychee cocktails. Maybe?
A little somethin', something-something--
[Barty] There's the little birdy up there.
I love your pet names
for the filthy commoners.
No! No! No! Don't!
Huh? Hm...
Uh, I think with the yardage
and the barometric pressure
and the grass clippings... I...
You should use the slingshot.
[grunting]
[screaming]
[laughing nervously]
Oh, thank Frank. I made it!
Hm?
[shouts]
Ow!
[gasping]
That's a bolo, Ted.
Your sacrifice is gonna save the kingdom.
Well, I've always wanted to be remembered.
Oh, golly, let's go for it. Take me away.
Oh, and sorry about the fear tinkle, guys.
Oh, Ted.
[shouting]
[gasps]
What?
I'm saved! [laughs]
[all] Arr!
Hit 'em head on!
Ramming speed!
[drumming]
Grr!
Attack!
[Captain Ethan]
Okay! Here we go, guys! Let's go!
Don't do that!
-[shouting]
-Ow!
[groaning]
-What?
-Nothing. Nothing at all.
[Mort] Prepare to die, pirate scum.
Clover! Mort! [giggling]
Am I glad to see you.
Now let's get out of here.
Really? I mean, well. You know,
we did come all this way to rescue you.
-Be kind of a shame not to have a fight.
-Yeah!
Let's get 'em!
It's Dread Pirate Mort!
Dread Pirate Mort!
No, no!
No prisoners!
[screaming]
Attack!
Hello? I'm the king here. Me!
My crazy is supposed to be
the only crazy we honor. Remember?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. King?
Well,
looks like we have a royal in our midst.
What?
Yeah, we could get a pretty penny for you.
Yeah, but he's my pretty penny.
So back off.
Dread Pirate Mort. Wow.
It's been too long, my old enemy.
Far too long.
When we last met,
we fought for the love of Empress Galeria
off the jagged coast of...
Fush.
I remember it well.
Mostly 'cause I have
a painting of it on my wall.
[giggling]
For Galeria!
[shouting]
[woozily] I'm helping, Clover.
[grunting]
[both grunting]
Ha! I gotta tell ya.
It's refreshing to fight a real pirate.
You know, pirates these days
are always wanting a trophy
or a pat on the back. [chuckles] Nice.
In our day, we had to rack-up
five or six kills
-before we even got out of bed. [chuckles]
-Kids. What are you gonna do?
[Julien] I'll save you, Clover!
[screaming] Oof!
-Ha-hah!
-Ahh!
-Hmm.
-You're welcome, Clover.
Uh...
What kind of a pirate has stumps for arms?
That is just mean.
[Clover screaming]
-[shattering]
-[grunts]
[groans]
[Captain Ethan laughs]
[groans]
-Huh. Fitting it should end this way.
-Dread Pirate Mort, it was an honor.
Raiding! Pillaging!
Get away from Mort.
[Captain Ethan screaming]
He may be a super annoying toady,
but he's my super annoying toady.
Who's got the booty now, huh?
Oh, King Julien. Oh, you saved me.
Mort, stop slobbering on me.
[Clover battle cries]
Okay, you went all... [mimicking Clover]
all over their faces.
Now can we go home?
[Ted sobbing]
Your Majesties,
can't we just bless the mangoes
and not sacrifice Ted?
Please? I mean, they're right here.
Don't be such a bunion, Mark.
-You're spoiling my fun.
-Whoa!
-[explosion]
-[gasping]
-[canon ball whizzing]
-Whoa!
I was afraid of that.
We made the captain mad.
Attack!
We need more hot air.
-Come on, Mort!
-[exhaling]
Too late. They're gaining on us.
Gotta try something else.
Feet!
-Get the feet, Mort. Get them.
-[Julien shouting]
-Come on, boy! Come on! Get the feet.
-So close.
We're almost there.
I can see the beach.
And everybody's on it.
Wowza. That fire is hot.
[screaming]
Oh, Ted, really,
that's too much drama, even for you.
It isn't even lit.
No, look!
They're not stopping.
Run, everybody! Run, Your Majesties! Run!
[everyone clamoring]
[Ted screaming]
[panting]
[coughing]
[sighing in relief]
You're alive!
Yes! I knew you'd make it back.
Oh, King Julien!
[sobbing]
Dial back the lemur-on-lemur love, Mo-Mo.
We got a real problem. Where is everybody?
We need the whole kingdom.
-They all left-
-Oh, niblets! Another ship!
[screaming]
[sighs]
[whimpering]
-[shouting]
-[gasps]
-[Clover gasps]
-[Julien] Ow!
And now, we finish this.
A king's ransom, if you please.
[shouting] Help!
[screeching]
Ow!
Sage, buddy! You heard
our super secret distress signal.
Ha! And you saved me!
Oh. Actually, I was just having
an argument with... [squawks]
[groans]
...and she dropped me here in her anger.
Love is a ticking bomb that reminds us
of the impermanence of rainbows.
[sighs]
-Here you go!
-[grunts]
Thanks, Dread Pirate Mort.
He spoke to me, you know. [laughs]
Hey, you guys still want
your king's ransom?
Because I am the king.
[chuckles] You guys like mangoes?
We got so many.
-All right!
-Yeah, we love mangoes.
Your Majesty, we don't have any mangoes
unless you bless them first.
Easy-peasy, Mo-Mo.
[laughing] Oh, baby, did daddy miss you.
My heady bits was all like,
"Where's my sweet crownage?"
Ah. Okay.
I bless these mangoes
and the mango harvest. Boom!
Thanks, Gladys, for all your Gladysness.
You rock, lady! Here you go.
Nice plundering with ya. See ya around.
You're the best, King Julien.
[whimpering]
Thank you for all the mangoes.
No problem, Lil Arms!
I think he's waving but I can't tell.
The mangoes have been blessed?
We're all gonna live!
King Julien,
there's something you gotta know.
Something you gotta prepare for.
[Julien] Mom?
Daddy? Is it really you?
Ha-ha! You heard I went missing,
and then you came back.
-[laughing]
-[organ playing]
I knew you still loved me.
I always knew it.
Nobody could ever shake that from me.
Oh! We're gonna be a family again.
Family!
Oh! F-A-M-I-L-Y!
-Family! [sobbing]
-Um... [groans]
Bring it in closer.
Give me the real thing.
Nobody can ever shake that from me.
[Princess Julienne] Ew. Gross.
♪ Of all the things we know, we know
And every question true ♪
♪ This is what a pirate would do, do, do
This is what a pirate would do ♪
[Julien] Hmm. What if you saw
a tiny kitten up in a tree?
♪ We'd cut the tree down
And throw it in a stew ♪
♪ Slurp up his giblets
And chew, chew, chew ♪
[Julien] Right. What about a regal lady?
Too bony for you to eat?
♪ We'd cut off her hair
And use it for bait ♪
♪ Throw her in a brig
With the other dead weight ♪
What about bathing?
♪ That is for babies ♪
What if you're dirty?
♪ Better for scabies ♪
Guys... Ew!