All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 2, Episode 2 - Diapers Are the New Black - full transcript

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa oh whoa oh ♪



♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa oh whoa oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[Xixi exhaling]

[all exhaling]

Okay, let's move into our next pose,
downward-facing foosa.

[Maurice groans]

It's like I've become one
with the universe.

Hey, universe... 'sup?

-[laughs] Hi.
-[screams]

Mort! You're harshing my chi!

-[rustling]
-[stuttering] What was that?

[exclaiming]

I'm okay!



What is this?

OMG! I've heard of these.
They're called diapers.

-Diapers?
-All the kids are wearing them these days.

Huh? Really?

So diapers are young and hip? Like me?

What do we do with all of them?

-There's gotta be hundreds!
-Look at the little duckies, Maurice!

[laughing excitedly]

How adorable.

Help me put it on. Hurry!

I think it goes--

How about--

Or maybe--

That can't be right.

Oh!

[gasps]
That's it!

Handsome, party of one,
your diaper's ready!

[laughs exultantly]

Maurice, tell me the truth.

Does this diaper make my butt look big?

It makes your butt look
the perfect size, King Julien.

No, wait,
your butt was already the perfect size.

But this looks nice, too!
And not better! Both are good!

No! Great! Both are great!

Don't tell me what to say,
I'll say it!

You look totes adorbs!

Yeah! Totes magotes.

I do, don't I? Yes.

[lemur 1] Someone looks good.
[lemur 2] Super cute.

[lemur 3] Where can I get a pair?

Oh, my! Do you see what's happening here?

It is slimming, isn't it?

Keep this up and you could become
a trendsetter, or even... [gasps]

a fashion icon!

Ooh! A fashion icon! Yes!

I will bring fashion to my people,

and teach them how to look fabulous
like me. They'll love it!

And I'll become the most fashionable king
in history!

I can see it now!

[classical music playing]

King Julien!

In order to become a fashion icon,
I must have fashion followers.

Hencetofore, everyone shall wear diapers.

What are you gonna do?
Force everyone to wear one of these?

I won't have to.

If I wear it, they will, too.

Allow me to demonstrate.

Mort, would you like to wear a diaper?

If it means I can be more like you,

yes! Yes! Yes!
A thousand times yes!

I just need a way
to showcase the diapers.

Wait a minute.

My brain is cooking something.

[ticking]

Ding! It's ready. Check it.

I will invent a brand-new thing
and call it

a fashion... show!

Mort! What part of "more sparkles"
don't you understand?

[grunts]

Cannonball!

Why are we all here?

I feel a fear tinkle coming on.

What's going on?
Why all the secrecy?

You'll see.

[clears throat] Lemurs of Madagascar!
May I have your attention, please?

Why does he do this?

King Julien asked me to say a few words
to kick off this historic event.

[groans]

So, without further ado,
let's start the show. Hit it!

DJ Glitter-Bunz.
Drop the beat, son!

[dance music playing]

[lemurs muttering in confusion]

♪ Ready, set, pose ♪

♪ Ready, stop, pose ♪

♪ Switch, ready, set, pose ♪

[gasping]

-♪ That's a wrap ♪
-♪ Strike a pose ♪

KJ!

♪ Get the money
Rock and roll ♪

♪ Got to shine
Night is mine ♪

♪ Now it's time we lose control ♪

♪ Cameras can't handle us
We're glamorous ♪

♪ Beautiful, fix your face
Look this way ♪

♪ Okay, baby, now pose ♪

♪ I'm gonna make you lose control ♪

♪ Make you lose control ♪

♪ I'm gonna make you lose control ♪

♪ Ready, got to give it what you got ♪

Yeah!

♪ Camera flashing
You're the star of the show ♪

♪ Ready, stop, pose ♪

♪ Take a flick
You need to do it like this ♪

♪ This is my regular day ♪

♪ Everybody in the place
Want to party with me ♪

♪ Got the paparazzi in front of my home
And they just won't leave me alone ♪

♪ Ready to go, whether on my phone
Or the cover of Vogue ♪

♪ Ready, set, pose
Ready, stop, pose ♪

♪ Switch, ready, set, pose ♪

♪ This is how you do, baby ♪

-♪ This is your runway ♪
-♪ Cut ♪

[all cheering]

Tres chic!

Step right up!
Get your KJ Original Diapers!

[exclaiming excitedly]

I'll take a medium!
I need a medium!

[whimpers]

[exclaims excitedly]

[gasps]

Oh!

-I didn't get one!
-There aren't enough for everybody!

That's what makes them so desirable.

Isn't fashion wonderful?

[groans]

Fashion!

[groans]

Diapers make me feel beautiful!

Oh! And they are terrific
for storage. Look!

Where do I put my banana?

Look at her!
She's not wearing a diaper!

-That is disgusting, Willie.
-Please, don't look at me.

I'm hideous!

Hey, out of my way, No Pants!
Just get to the side!

It's mine.

That's my--
Get off of that!

[all clamoring]

All right, everyone, that's enough!

Everyone needs to calm down!

Help! I've been robbed!
Someone stole my diaper!

I bet he did it!

I don't want your stinking diaper!

We're all going to be robbed! Oh, no!

[all clamoring]

[groans]

King Julien, I--

Clover, what do you think you're doing?

-Reporting a--
-No, where's your diaper?

You're very lucky
I saved one for you.

Thank you, Your Majesty,

but... [laughs nervously]
I respectfully decline.

I, uh, respectfully don't care.

-Back me up here?
-Don't look at Maurice!

He has already backed himself up
into a KJ Original Diaper.

And you should, too.

King Julien's right. Try it, Clover.

It's doing wonders for my lower back pain
and my tail sweat.

It's like I have a sponge
between my legs.

A sponge made by an absorbent angel.

[sighs]

Okay.

I feel ridiculous.

Well, you look... ri-fabulous!

-I can't move in this thing.
-Fashion comes first.

-What about safety?
-Safety is eighth, at most.

No way! How can I monitor the kingdom
and keep you safe wearing this?

Tensions are running high.

There was a fight
and a thief on the loose!

-A thief?
-Someone stole Horton's diaper!

-Swiped it right off of him!
-I don't believe it, that's--

-Terrible and--
-Great!

If people are willing to steal
to get a KJ Original Diaper

then I'm on my way to becoming
the most fashionable king in history!

Ha-ha!

[all snobbishly humming]

[all mumbling]

[dramatic entrance music playing]

Please welcome King Julien!

[all cheering]

-We want diapers!
-King Julien, can I have a diaper?

Diaper me! Diaper me!

[exclaiming delightedly]

Hello, everyone!
Yes, I know you adore me.

Hello. Hello. Just a--

Almost got it.

[sighs]
Here we go.

Thank you so much for joining me today.
First of all, who are you wearing?

Me! Of course!

Of course!

[both laugh]

Oh, speaking of you, can you tell us
about your inspiration for the diapers?

What can I say, Xixi?
I am a genius.

Inspired ideas are just what I do.

And what kind of statement
are you making with them?

You know,
too often we are led to believe

that who we are on the inside
is what's important.

What my KJ line of diapers is saying is,

who cares who you are inside?

Bunch of bones and squishy stuff.

You are who you wear, people.

And anybody who's somebody
is wearing a KJ Original Diaper!

I want to be somebody.

You don't have a diaper!
You are nobody!

-Oh, boy.
-[all clamoring]

That's not what I--
What I mean--

Without the diaper I'd feel like
one of those little pieces of food

that gets stuck in your teeth,

you don't know it's there
until someone sees it, like,

"Yuck, you got something in your teeth!"
And you dig it out and flick it away,

you know, it's just gross.

[dinging]

Yeah--

-They're all nobodies!
-They want our diapers!

Wait a second.

Okay.

We have to take a short break.

We'll be right back
after a word from our sponsor.

Words? What do they mean?

Sometimes I like to say them soft.
Sometimes I like to say them crazy.

[shouting gibberish]

Sometimes I like to say random words.

Cabbage, spinach, weed wacker.
Large, small person.

I don't make up the rules.
I just wear the diapers.

KJ Original Diapers.

Indubitably.

Oh!

[clamoring]

[Julien]
What did I say? What?

You said lemurs with diapers are better
than lemurs without diapers.

I run a transparent kingdom, Maurice.
My peoples deserve to hear the truth.

-It was the platform I was elected on.
-You weren't elected.

King Julien, I caught the diaper thief.

-It was Mort!
-Mort?

It wasn't me,
King Julien.

I'm innocent. Innocent!

Mort.

Show his bottom to me!

-That's not my logo.
-What?

You're right. How could I miss this?

Don't worry, King Julien.
I'll find the mugger.

Wait a minute.
Who cares about the mugger?

How can I be
the most fashionable king in history

if someone is tarnishing my name
with KJ impostor diapers?

Clover...

-find out what he knows.
-[Mort whimpers]

You gonna tell me
where you got the diaper?

-What diaper?
-Don't play games with me, Mort.

-[whimpering]
-I am good cop and bad cop

all rolled into one terrifying
law enforcement burrito of pain!

Here you go, little guy.
You must be so hungry.

Go ahead.

Eat up.

There's more where that came from.

I just need you to tell me
what you know.

I don't know anything!

[grunts]

I'll ask you one more time!
Where did you get the diaper?

Okay, I'll talk!

I got it from a guy who works for a guy
who makes the diapers.

-I need names, Mort!
-I don't know his name!

But I know where to find him.

Mm? Hm!

[feedback]

Remember, try to act normal.

-Okay.
-Or as close to normal as you get.

[giggles]

The mic is in the front, so position
yourself to pick up what he's saying.

And remember...
[yelling] I need names, Mort!

Hi! I'm Mort. What's your name?

Beat it, buddy.

I don't suppose you know
where I can score a diaper?

On the DL?

Hm?

-You a cop?
-Me, a cop?

No way!

[chuckles nervously]

[sighs]

Look, I'm all out.
You gotta talk to my suppliers.

Uh, who's that?

[whispers indistinctly]

Can you say that again,
but louder, and into my diaper?

[whispers indistinctly]

Got ya!

-Hi, Dorothy.
-[gasps, then chuckles]

Clover. What a surprise!

Come in, come in.

Hm.

[chuckling nervously]

Perfect timing!
I just made quiche.

Oh, you've got to try it.
It's out of this world!

[chuckles]

I'm sorry about the mess.
Can I get you a refreshment?

No, thanks. I won't be staying long.

Just wanted to ask you a few questions

about the impostor diapers
that have been going around.

Impostor diapers?

[stuttering]
We don't know anything about that.

That's what I thought.

Well, sorry to bother you.

Not at all. Sure you don't want
to stay for some quiche?

No, thanks,
I don't eat quiche with criminals!

Hm?

[chuckles in embarrassment]

Oh! So there's nothing there.

Um-- [chuckles]

Sorry, but that must mean
that there's something in here!

Hm.

Is everything okay, Clover?

Uh-huh. Sure. Yeah. Totally fine.
I should go into--

[panting]

Why do all these rooms look the same?

Sorry about the doors.

Guess my intel was a bit, um... off.

[laughs sheepishly]

Huh?

Ah-ha!

It's the po-po, boys! Scatter!

[all clamoring]

[chuckling nervously]

I am very disappointed in you two.

We were only trying to make diapers
available to everyone.

We saw a need
and tried to fill it.

Well, you have to stop filling it!

It's a trademark violation and,
more importantly, I don't like it.

But, King Julien, imitation
is the highest form of flattery.

Uh, no! Excessive flattery
is the highest form of flattery.

Imitation is just lazy.

No more impostor diapers!
You may go.

Problem solved. Good work, Clover.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

[excited cheering]

Who did that?

-[lemur 1] Yeah!
-[lemur 1] Yeah! Whoo!

[groaning]

What is the meaning of this?

I thought I said no more diapers!

Actually, you said
we couldn't make impostor diapers,

not anything about starting
a ready-to-wear line

with a completely original design.

Not that hoity-toity high fashion stuff
you make.

No, but that--
Okay, you got me there, Ted.

But there's only room for one fashion icon
in this jungle.

This means war.

Xixi here with some breaking news.

I'm getting reports that an all-out
fashion war was declared earlier today

between fashion-forward
KJ Original Diapers

and recent rival, D+T Diapers.

Let's go live to the scene.

Tell us about your new design.

It's called an animal print.

[Julien]
Ha! That's no animal I've ever seen.

Check this out!

[all clamor]

[all gasp]

-Hmm?
-[all clamor]

Wha--

[camera clicking]

Well, it's clear that the diapers are on
and the gloves are off,

leaving the public to wonder
who will win this fashion showdown.

I know one thing's for sure.
War has never looked so good.

I think we may have let
this fashion thing go too far.

-I disagree!
-But it's tearing the kingdom apart!

Surely there's enough
pillowy soft absorbency for everyone

to stay fashionably dry,
not just a select few.

Quiet, Maurice. I'm trying to think
of a new diaper design--

King Julien!

It's Mort. He's hurt real bad.

What happened to him?

He was trampled
trying to get a KJ Original Diaper.

[moaning]

Speak to me.

[weakly] King Julien, is that you?

Yes, it's me. I'm here.

I always hoped it would end
this way. Me in your arms!

Oh!

[groans]

[gasps]

[groaning]

-He's so--
-[groaning]

Mort--

-I know our--
-[groaning]

-If I could just--
-[groaning]

No! Mort!

Oh! He's so cold, Maurice.

You're wrong, Maurice.

There isn't enough pillowy soft
absorbency for everyone.

We aren't all equal!

Your Majesty,
you don't really believe that.

Silence!

I know how to end this war.

Right now I need to say goodbye
to a patriot.

Oh, Mort, I know our relationship
was complicated...

by the fact that you were strange and
annoying and inferior to me in every way.

But if I could just speak to you
one more time...

I would tell you all the things

I never had the courage to tell you
when you were alive.

[gasps loudly]

-What'd you tell me?
-It's alive!

[Mort]
We'll talk later!

[crash]

[inhales]

Oh!

[lemur whispers]
Xixi, we're live.

[gasps]
Xixi here with some breaking news.

King Julien has just announced that
he will be putting on a new fashion show.

King Julien, any deets to share?

Nope. No deets, Xixi.

It's going to be a surprise.

That's it. You heard it here first, folks.

Fasten your diapers,
it's going to be a dumpy night.

[clamoring]

[dance music playing]

Feast your eyes on this!

[all exclaim]

[Julien] Oh, yeah.

That's right! 100 percent,
Grade A, certified King Julien!

He's not wearing any pants!

My eyes!

Ugh! That's not fashion, that's obscene!

Let me tell you something about fashion,
Ted, and everybody!

I said before
that you are who you wear

and anybody who's somebody
is wearing a KJ Original Diaper.

Well, let me tell you now,
fashion isn't about who you wear.

Yeah! You-- Wait.
What? It's not?

No! It's about who you are.

Well said, Your Majesty!

And while I'm a king who's fabulous
all the time, you are all just you.

And you are fabulous none of the time!
No matter what you wear!

[all] Huh?

He just had to keep talking.

But that's okay.

Stop trying to be something you are not,
and just be you.

Take off those diapers right now!
Go on! Rip those puppies off!

I want to be me!

[all exclaiming joyously]

[squish]

Yuck!

Yeah! Yeah! That's right!

Be boring and the same!
Be free!

Uh-oh.

That's a lot of--

Incoming!

[screaming]

[moans in pleasure]

I'm glad to be rid of that diaper.

It was giving me a terrible rash.

I got one!

Oh, Mort, that was so five minutes ago.

[groans]

[pop song playing]