All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 2, Episode 15 - The Phantom of Club Moist - full transcript

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪



♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

♪ Blakadakada-shoo-sha
Yada-yada-ba-ka-chaa ♪

[chuckles]

Hey, kids, come a little closer,

Uncle Maurice has a story to tell.

Once upon a time,
in a place called Madagascar,

there was a lemur named King Julien XIII.

And King Julien XIII had a problem.

I have no legacy!

No one is going to remember me!

"Who are you?" "No idea."

"Never seen you before.



FYI, you are very handsome."

"Oh, thank you very much."

I'm freaking out, man!

There are many things
you'll be remembered for.

-Name one.
-Um, trampolines.

Bringing laughter and joy
back to the kingdom.

So, my legacy is the same
as a circus pony's.

Don't worry, King Julien,
when you go, your feet will live on.

I've already built the display box.

Mort, no!

Ooh, what have you lined this box with?

Is that crushed velvet? Very nice.

But still creepy, Mort.

Whee!

Every great king has left behind a legacy.

For example, King Julien, the Hygienic,
left behind a line of scented body wash.

[King Julien, the Hygienic]
Hmm, do I choose brisket or taco?

Oh!

Taco.

That was a terrible legacy.

Well, at least he has one.

From this day forth,

I am putting Operation Legacy into action.

I will create a King Julien XIII
branded legacy so memorable,

it will be impossible
to unrememberable it.

A place where all are welcome!

Unless, of course,
they're, like, really annoying,

or I don't like them.

Does this mean what I think it means?

You're going to build
that hospital we need?

That's right. I'm opening a night club!

Club Moist.

[both] Club Moist?

Yeah. Didn't you see the fireworks?
It's pretty clear.

How exactly is a night club a legacy?
Aren't legacies supposed to help people?

Uh, hello!

I think lemur booties shaking
to KJ-branded music and live performances,

as well as lemurs eating
KJ-branded fine dining is very helpful.

You get exercise, nutrition, exerci--

I'm creating
a national treasure here, people.

Isn't Club Moist the club you were
supposed to start with Rob McTodd

when you had your rap duo,
"Lemurs Love the Lemur Ladies"?

♪ Lemurs love the lemur ladies ♪

Yeah!

But Rob's all disfigured and gross now,
so the idea reverts to me.

It's all very legal.

-Uh--
-Eh-eh-eh-eh!

Next!

Okay, Willie, we're looking for an act
that will really bring the crowds.

Dazzle me, baby!

Right. Uh...

I thought I'd do some jokes today.

How exciting. Laughter is a gift.

So, how many crocodiles
does it take to eat a mango?

[laughs]
What? That's crazy!

That's genius, Willie!

Your Majesty, he hasn't said
the punch line yet.

What? Oh. Too cerebral.

Not "moist"! Next!

King Jul--

Enough with the speeches, Tammy.
Get to it.

Right, okay. Get ready,
because you're in for a real treat.

-Todd! Come on out here, baby.
-[humming]

I'm gonna stop you.

Todd, as you know, big fan. Respeck.

Sadly your mother, well...
not "moist"! Next!

Well, you can stop looking
because Ted and his musical tail are here!

[plays enchanting tune]

Hmm...

-[audio feedback]
-[all gasp]

Ted, what's wrong?

I told you not to fill
the coconuts so high.

My tail is getting soaked. Do something!

Eh! Too disturbing! Not "moist"!

[laughs nervously]
It just needs to dry off.

Why couldn't you have bigger hands?

-Clover!
-[groans]

Okay, you two, let's go.
Creating a legacy here.

Very important. Not running a charity.

-This is a disaster!
-[groans]

My club needs a KJ-branded star!

Maybe Club Moist isn't--

[Mort]
♪ Am I crazy? ♪

[gasps]

♪ Crazy for feeling this way ♪

[Julien] Moist!

♪ About you ♪

[gasps] That voice.

It's like two angels rubbing
their vocal cords together.

Rub-a-da-what?

♪ It's your love that
I hope I've found because... ♪

I don't believe it. Is that...

[Julien] Mort?

♪ Your feet make me weak ♪

♪ When I'm dancing to the beat ♪

♪ I have the tiny spark
In my tushy part ♪

♪ That makes me jump about
So I can sing and shout ♪

Wow. When did Mort get so...

Moist.

King Julien, they love him.

Stop the music!

Say, what's your name, kid?

You know his name.

Go along with the bit. It's old school.

My name is Mort.

Hmm. No, that won't work.

The star of Club Moist
must have a name that sparkles.

A name that screams,
"Listen to me! Please!

I'm so desperate and needy! Please!"

I've got it! Your stage name shall be...

Pork.

Oh, yay!

I'm a non-kosher meat!

[laughs]
Go to your dressing room and get ready.

We open in one week

and I want my Pork tender,
sweet, and smoky!

[Maurice]
Word got around pretty quick.

And soon enough, Club Moist
was the place to be in Madagascar.

Oh! Hey!

[upbeat music playing]

[Maurice] Top notch entertainment
wowed the audience.

[cheering, applauding]

But the real reason everyone came

was because
of Club Moist's signature act...

Pork!

♪ I love, love, love, love
Love your toes ♪

♪ I smell them piggies
I see rainbows ♪

♪ Don't get me started
On your corns and bunions ♪

♪ I happen to like
That they stink like onions ♪

♪ I love, love, love, love
Love your toes ♪

♪ I smell them piggies
I see rainbows ♪

♪ I shut my eyes
And barely sleep ♪

♪ Because your hairy feet
Make my heart leap ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

[all cheering]

Get me some mint jelly. I want seconds!

[Maurice] Mort's talent was undeniable.

The audience loved him!

Oh, that King Julien's legacy was a hit.

Unfortunately, that was all
about to change.

Back off, freaks,
or you're gonna get beak slapped.

[groans]

Don't they understand?

Pork is an artiste.

He needs his peace, people!

[sighs]

[mysterious music playing]

Hmm?

[male voice, lisping]
Enjoy your fame now, Pork.

It's going to end soon.

Where did you come from?

A secret panel that leads to stairs
carved into the living rock

that spiral down to catacombs beneath.

But don't tell anyone.

Okay.

King Julien has used you, Pork.

I wish. [chuckles]

He takes what he wants

and anyone who gets in his way
pays the price.

No one talks about my King Julien
that way.

Who are you, mask guy?

You may call me
"The Phantom of Club Moist."

Hmm. A little dramatic.

[gasps] What are you doing?

-[Mort] No! No! [screams]
-[Phantom laughs maniacally]

Hey, everybody.

Like you all to meet my friend,
King Julien.

Say "Hi," Your Majesty.

I don't have time to say hello.
I'm the king.

Old chunky-thighs Maurice
does all the hi's for me.

[everybody laughs]

[laughing]

That is so what I would say
if my head was a pineapple.

Your Majesty, he's making fun of you too.

He's making fun of a dummy
who looks like me.

Big diff.

King Julien, Mort is on next,
but there's no sign of him anywhere.

[gasps] If that little house elf's
stage fright ruins my legacy,

-I will not be held responsible for--
-[crowd chanting] Pork! Pork! Pork!

-[all gasp]
-That's Mort's cue.

What are we going to do?

Oh, I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

You're going to let a professional
song and dance boy show you how it's done.

Todd! Let's give these bush leaguers
a taste of the Toddsicle, baby.

No! Clover, help me.

I cannot let that
beast of a stage mother--

King Julien,
I've been looking all over for you.

Congratulations! Oh, come here, you!

[Tammy] Good evening, everyone.

Pork couldn't make it tonight,

but you're in luck,
because my little baby did.

♪ I'm a dandy boy
In me big top hat-- ♪

Mother!

Todd!

My baby!

My meal ticket!

[insidious laughter]

Leave this cave now,

or the Phantom will make sure
no one gets out alive!

Perhaps if King Julien
had just closed the club,

the carnage that followed
could have been avoided.

But Club Moist was King Julien's legacy,

and some legacies die very hard

after a lot of screaming
and pain and tears and...

Well, you'll see.

My club... It's ruined!

[Tammy] What about my Todd?

His little body is twisted and broken.

I'm okay, Mom.

That's the shock talking, baby.

Don't say another word without our lawyer.

Tammy, I don't know what to say.

That's okay, Mo-Mo. I got this.

Why couldn't it have been you?

Your body would've absorbed the blow

and my stage wouldn't be ruined.

King Julien! He didn't mean that.

Don't worry, we'll make sure
Todd is well taken--

Yes, Todd will have the best doctor
in the kingdom.

Respeck, Todd. Respeck!

Your Majesty, we don't have
doctors in the kingdom.

Quiet, Maurice, I know.

I'm using child psychology
to make him feel better.

The doctor will be by shortly.

I've done a complete perimeter search.

No sign of the Phantom. Or Mort.

Oh, sweet Mort.

We'll have to assume the Phantom ate him.

Uh, why would we assume that?

How should I know?

You're the fancy detective, Clover.
Isn't knowing his diet your job?

Crazy thought.

Could this be Rob exacting revenge
for starting the club without him?

Don't be ridiculous,

Rob looked nothing like the Phantom.

-But the Phantom wears a mask.
-Precisely!

And Rob never wore a mask, ergo not Rob.

It's science, Maurice.

Xixi, how are reservations?
Any cancellations?

Uh... All of them?

[sobbing]

I'm sorry, Your Majesty.

I know how badly you wanted
Club Moist to be your legacy.

Yes, Maurice.

It would appear that
Club Moist is finished...

to someone who's blind.
But to someone who has sight and vision,

and isn't ready to give up on his dream,

this is merely an obstacle
to be dodged and weaved.

Watch me do it!

"You ain't so bad." [huffing]

"Ain't gonna be no rematch."
"Don't want one."

-Yeah, he's lost it.
-I'll get the restraints.

Xixi, get a dart,
we may need to tranq him.

Save the restraints and your sleepy darts
for the after-party, Maurice.

This king has been in worse spots
and you know what he learned?

Sometimes it's better
to quit and walk away?

Yes. I mean, no!

This king has learned as long
as there is blood in his booty

and thoughts in his brainy parts,
there is hope.

Club Moist will rise again

and no "Phantom" is going to stop it.

Xixi, I need you to spread the word,

Club Moist is coming back
bigger than ever,

and I want tushies in these seats.

[Xixi groans]

-Clover!
-Yes, Your Majesty!

If the Phantom shows up again,
I wanna be ready.

Get to work on a trap.

A trap that is so insane,
it even freaks you out.

I'm talking full psycho.

Let your freak flag fly!

I have dreamed of a moment like this,

but I never thought it would happen.

What should we use as bait?

Something alive and helpless is preferred.

Normally, the words
"bait, alive, and helpless"

would equal Mort,
but since he has been eaten...

-We don't know that.
-...I will take his place

as both bait and headliner! [laughs]

[both] What?

Your Majesty, I can't allow that.

You can and you can.

-My legacy, my risk.
-But--

The king's word is final!
Gavel slam. Roll credits.

[straining]

-[thud]
-[groaning]

-[Xixi shouting] Club Moist! Club Moist!
-[rumbling]

Ha! We're never gonna die!

Ooh, mama!

Working up a nice burn.

I'm gonna rock this stage tonight, Mo-Mo.

Gonna rock it!

I would like to go on record again.

You making yourself a target
is an incredibly bad idea.

Concern noted and ignored.

Trap is complete, Your Majesty.

I've rigged the entire club
with an elaborate mix

of swinging boulders,
poisonous vines, buckets of snakes,

spinning knives, flame throwers,

deadly fighter birds, and an acid pit.

In other words,
every deadly thing you could find.

Exactly. And should the Phantom
get past all of them,

I have also trapped a shark
in the toilet hut. Aha!

Wow.

-[roaring]
-[screams] Toilet shark! Oh, my!

Clover, I am proud of you.

You've really out-crazied
your crazy this time.

Whoo! Mission accomplished.

The club is completely sold out
for tonight.

You wanna know how I did it?

Ugh. No, I just ate.

Oh. Cool. I'm gonna crash then.

All right, you heard the bird.

We got a show to put on!

[scorns]

[gargling]

Sister Susie went to sea
to see the sea.

You see, the sea
she saw was a saucy sea.

A sort of saucy sea, saw she. Yes!

[chattering]

Citizens of Madagascar,

he's the ravishing royal
with a flair for the fabulous,

King Julien!

-La-la-la-la-la-la... Me, mow, moo.
-[audience cheering]

Thank...

Thank you.

As many of you probably know,

Club Moist has been a childhood dream
since childhood.

Sure there's no way the Phantom
could get past your trap?

Not unless the Phantom
can turn himself invisible.

Doesn't that sound fun? [laughs]

[Maurice] Or turn off the lights.

[all screaming]

-[lemur 1] I'm in the dark!
-[Julien] What's happening?

-[chainsaw whirring]
-[screaming]

[lemur 2] There's acid in my beverage!

[eagle squawks]

[lemur 3] I believe a bird
is eating my face off.

This is deplorable.

-[lemur 4] We're all gonna--
-[scuffling]

[Clover] Hold on, everybody, I found the--

[panting]

[whimpering]

-[eagle squawking]
-[yelping]

-[both gasp]
-The king! He's gone!

And that was the last
we ever saw of King Julien.

The end.

[laughs] I'm just joshing ya.

Now buckle up, kids, this is the part
of the story where it gets really crazy.

You promised he'd be safe!

How was I to know the Phantom
would turn off the lights?

It was your job to know!

[both sobbing]

I'm sorry and I am not crying.

I just can't believe he's gone.

And I might never again hear him say--

[screaming]

Actually, I was thinking more like,
"To the water slide" or...

-Maurice, I didn't say that.
-[muffled voice] Help me!

Hmm? Hmm?

[Mort] Help me!

Is that...

-Mort?
-Mort!

We thought you'd been eaten.

Sorry, it was power of suggestion.

-What happened?
-The Phantom.

I thought he was just a fan
looking for a piece of Pork. But...

[gasps]

Where's my King Julien? He's in danger!

The Phantom took him, Mort.

-Any idea where they might've gone?
-No!

You're sure? Think, Mort.

King Julien is in serious danger.

Well, the Phantom did say
he came from that secret panel over there

that leads to stairs carved
into the living rock

that spiral down to catacombs beneath.

Pretty vague, huh?

[both] Hmm...

[suspenseful music playing]

[straining]

Who are you?

Isn't it obvious, Julie?

Ah!

Recognize me now?

[shrieks]

Of course I do, you're...
somebody ugly who lives nearby?

Self-absorbed fool!

It's me, Rob "The Party Animal" McTodd.

Former best friend and band mate
you left for dead.

I'd hoped never to see you again,

but then you went and stole
our idea for Club Moist.

Legally, the club reverted to me
when you got all gross.

There's no such law!

Pretty sure...

That club was for us!

It was our legacy, not just yours.

This is why our friendship
could never last.

You've always only thought about yourself.

But soon your thoughts will be mine.

[hissing]

No. Not you!

Hello again, Mr. King Julien,

so good to see you again
[shouts] in a cave!

Rob, what is this?

To ensure that you never
steal from me again,

I'm going to take your brain thoughts
and switch them with mine.

Wow. You came back as a phantom
and now introduce a brain switching twist?

Ha! That is so Rob!
[laughs]

Of course, you do realize
this is going to kill us.

Oh, don't be such a downer.

"Dare to fail," that's my motto.

[beeping]

Rob, please, is it access to the club
you want? Easy.

I'll get you as many twofers as you need.

Keep your charity, Julie.
I just want your mind.

[both scream]

-[all gasp]
-King Julien!

[screams]

[Mort] Ow.

-[groans]
-King Julien!

[mumbles indistinctly]

Speak to me!

What's wrong with him?

His mind has been transferred into Rob.

My procedure worked!

Oh! Even if King Julien is a mindless
vegetable, I'll never leave his side.

Don't worry, King Julien,
I will water you forever!

[blows raspberries, coughs]

Mort! Get your fur out of my mouth!
I'm all right!

Where do you think you're going, ugly?

Ha!

[groans]

So, Rob McTodd was the Phantom.

Yes, Maurice, just as I suspected.

You suspected?

What do you wanna do
with these two, Your Majesty?

Maybe a little... Hi-yah!

Or some... Kha-kha-kha!

Or a little bit of... [crunching]

[thumping like heartbeat]

Let them go, Clover.

[all] What?

During the procedure...

for a moment I traded minds with Rob
and felt his pain.

I think it also may have been
my brain frying.

Regardless, it made me see
that Rob was right.

I have only thought about myself.

And look what happened, people got hurt.

I want my legacy to help, not hurt.

That's why I've decided to close
Club Moist, the nightclub.

[all gasp]

And open instead Club Moist, the hospital.

Huh? Great idea, right?

A hospital?
Gee, how'd you come up with that?

You know, I don't know.
It just came to me.

It's like the gods cracked open my head
and just screamed it real loud.

But, uh, King Julien,
we don't have any doctors.

Ah, but we do, Clover.

Me? Are you saying
that for the first time,

I will legally be practicing medicine
[shouts] out of a cave?

What about me, Julie?
Is there a place for me?

With your expert knowledge
of plastic surgery,

and obvious people skills,
how does Nurse Phantom sound?

It sounds like home, old friend.

Let's shake on it.

Okay, Rob... I think that's good.

[chuckles] And that, kids,
is how King Julien got his legacy,

and the kingdom got its first hospital,

proving that sometimes
there really are happy endings,

which reminds me of a song.

♪ Legacies... ♪

Ooh!

I'm sorry, but this is a hospital now
and we have strict rules.

The first one being no singing
[shouts] in a cave!

I forget what the others are.

[Mort] ♪ I love, love, love, love
Love your toes ♪

♪ When I smell them piggies
I see rainbows ♪

♪ Don't get me started
On your corns and bunions ♪

♪ I don't even care
If they stink like onions ♪

♪ I love, love, love, love
Love your toes ♪

♪ When I smell them piggies
I see rainbows ♪

♪ I shut my eyes
And barely sleep ♪

♪ Because your hairy feet
Make my heart leap ♪