All Hail King Julien (2014–2017): Season 2, Episode 11 - Monkey Planet - full transcript

[theme song playing]

♪ Party ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ Who's the king? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Get down for the get down ♪

-♪ Everybody party with King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

-♪ King who? ♪
-♪ King Julien! ♪

♪ Tonight will be forever ♪

♪ Let's do King Julien style ♪

♪ Woof! ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪



♪ Y'all tell me who's the king ♪

♪ Whoa, oh, whoa, oh ♪

♪ All hail King Julien! ♪

[Julien wailing]

[sighs]

[wailing]

[wails loudly]

Hey, buddy.

Oy. [grunts]

Something I can help you with?

Yes, Mo-Mo, there is.

Ever since I was a handsome,
yet wise-beyond-his-years, young prince,

I dreamed of having a kingdom
as far as the eye can see.

I had crazy dreams when I was a kid, too.



Heck, I believed I'd have a rewarding--

-[coughing] Be quiet.
-...career.

I don't want to listen to you.

Back to what I care about.

Do you notice anything weird

when you look up at the sky, Maurice?

-Uh, it's a pretty clear night, so stars.
-Hmm?

-Eh, well...
-Mm. Mm.

-The moon?
-Yeah, right there!

Exactly!

The royal eye can see the moon,

yet the royal "we" doesn't own the moon.

I must fix that.

We must go up there and mark our territory

-in the traditional lemur way.
-[gasps]

That's right. We're gonna rub our butts

on every inch of that space rock.

-[screams]
-King's right. We need to get to the moon.

Why do you always
sneak up on folks like that?

-It's creepy!
-And creepy.

I have reason to believe the crocodiles

intend to get to the moon first
to install a laser.

They could use that laser
to take over Madagascar...

-[all screaming]
-...and then the world.

[laughing maniacally]

High five, sir.

[grunts, struggling]

Ooh, if Clover's paranoid delusion
turns out to be true,

we'd be at the mercy of space-gators.

There's only one thing to do.

-Please don't say it.
-Mo-Mo, we're going to the moon!

And boom goes the dynamite.

Timo, could you inform Clover and the king
that there's no way of getting up there?

I could, but I'd be a big fat liar!

[laughs and snorts] Ooh!

Not only is it possible
to get to the moon,

I'm just the guy to help you do it.

Jeez, I am sweating
with excitement right now.

Is this what love feels like?
I'm seriously asking.

Imagine how great it's gonna be
when we put our lasers on the moon?

We'll be unstoppable!

[laughs hysterically]

Or, I mean, you know, might be cool.

Cool the crazy, will you, Clover?

You're gonna spoil my moon landing.

Here, look at this.

Would you believe,
my house was once in space?

You're not suggesting we fly your house

all the way to the moon.

Of course not. All my stuff's in there.

Luckily, my home is not the only space pod
that has crashed here.

-Ooh!
-[grunts] I think we're in business.

Yep, yep, this'll do.

Let the training montage begin!

You know what? Training is for dummies.
Let's do the launch.

[giggles, snorts]

My peoples.

We choose to go to the moon,
not because it is easy,

but because it seems like
a pretty cool idea.

-[all cheering]
-Weather conditions, optimal.

Machinery in tip-top shape.
My heart thumping like a jackrabbit.

Let's blow this sucker sky high!

Yeah! Aw, yeah!

Let's show those handbags
in the crocodile kingdom who is boss!

Huh! We'll put our own laser on the moon

and burn the crocodile kingdom
down in a pre-emptive strike!

Whoo-hoo!

She's got some serious issues.

I do not want to be stuck
in a space pod with all that crazy.

-We gotta ditch her.
-[Ted] Well, shoes and socks!

What's that, Ted?

-There's a huge emergency?
-Sweet gherkins! There is?

What kind of emergency?

Yes, Ted, tell us all about the emergency.

Clover needs to investigate immediately!

Um, there is a...

um, tickle monster! No. Uh, there...

Um...

There is a... a foosa!

Um, with a...

Ooh, uh...

Three heads! No, just one head, but, uh...

it's a huge head!

A foosa with an abnormally large head.

It does sound quite dangerous
and not made up.

I'll be right back! On it!

[chuckles] Oy!

There's no emergency, is there?

The emergency is that we were almost stuck

in a spaceship with Clover
and all her crazy.

Ugh, light this bad boy up
before she gets back.

Oh! [snorts]

I figured that big-headed foosa
was around here somewhere.

I don't have time for this!
I have a spaceship to catch.

-[controller beeps]
-Space Daddy to ground control.

Space Daddy to ground control,
are you reading me?

I am reading you loud and clear.

We blast off in...

five...

-Yay!
-...four...

-three... two...
-[trembling]

...one. [chuckles, snorts]

-[explosion]
-[all screaming]

-[rumbling]
-[exclaims]

Oh, I think your ride left without you.

-[screams]
-Oof!

[grunting, babbling]

-Hmm?
-Ooh.

Maurice, we're in zero gravity
right now. Check it!

-Whoa, whoa!
-[laughing]

I'm floating in the most peculiar way!
[laughs excitedly]

[Timo] This is ground control,
can we get a situation report?

Uh, I think we might actually be in space.

This is Charlie, Lima, Oscar, Victor...
It's-- Ugh! It's Clover. What happened?

Why'd you leave without me?

Oh, uh, Timo was worried
the wind was gonna pick up,

so we couldn't wait.

-[stammering] Uh, how are you?
-Hah! Good save, Mo-Mo.

-Pretty sure she can hear you.
-I can hear you.

Hi, Clover!

[groans]

-Anyhoo, we've reached zero gravity, and--
-[crashing]

Was that a good or bad scream?
Please respond.

-[both screaming]
-Maurice!

[both grunting, groaning]

[Julien] Sock!

Space Daddy! Can you hear me?

[Maurice] Something's gone wrong.

Where are they? [growls]

What did you do to my King Julien?

Answer me, little man!

I, uh, don't know what went wrong.

Oh, that's okay. Mistakes happen.

[snarls, growls]

Fight later! Right now,
we've got a king to find

who could be anywhere in the universe.
You! Fix this.

Or I can't protect you from Mort.

[snarling]

King Julien?

King Julien? Are you okay?

Oh, no!

Hold on, Your Majesty.

Really?

[sighs]

You can do this, Maurice.

It's just a little tongue. No big deal.

Nobody ever has to know. [chuckles]

-[inhales deeply, grunts]
-What are you doing?

-Saving your life!
-By sucking my tongue?

[retching, blows raspberry]

I am no witch doctor,
but that's pretty weird, man,

medically speaking.

Wait! Are we...

Maurice, look. We did it! [laughs]

We are on the moon!

Let's explore.

Don't open the hatch! We don't know
if we can breathe out there.

Eh, what's that, Maurice?

I couldn't hear you
over me opening the hatch.

No, Your Majesty, close it!

Close what?

[struggling, grunting]

Maurice, are you crazy,
shoving us out like that?

We don't even know
if we can breathe out here.

[choking] Can't... breathe...

[choking] No air.

[gasping for air]

Hold up, Your Majesty.

You're okay. We can breathe.
You're not dying.

What? Well, how do you know?

Because we're not on the moon.

The moon's right there,
and we're right here.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Well, it's obvious what happened.

So...

We overshot the moon, and now,
we're the first lemurs on Mars!

-[laughs] Up top!
-Oy.

One small step for lemurs,

one sick burn for all the haters

who said I'd never make it here.
[laughs]

I'd hate to be those loser crocodiles

with their lame laser right about now.
[laughs]

Come on, let's mark our territory.

-I wouldn't do that.
-I would.

[Julien screams] Oww!
Ow, ow!

[screaming]

[screaming in pain]

Don't just stand there, Maurice!

Help me claim the planet for Madagascar.

[Julien screaming]

[both groaning]

Put your back into it, man, like this.
[screams]

-[Maurice] Like... this?
-[Julien screaming]

[Clover] Maurice! Space Daddy!

Can you hear me? Please respond.

So it seems I may have been
a little off in my arithmetic.

Nobody feels as bad as me
that this didn't work.

Not as bad as you're gonna feel!
[snarls]

-[Julien] Ow, ow.
-[static]

[Julien screaming]

They're still alive.

Aw, they didn't even escape the Earth's
gravitational pull. But they're alive.

Yay. I'll triangulate their position.

I'll triangulate your face, Poindexter.

-[grunting]
-[Julien screaming over radio]

Are you finally ready to stop now?

Never! My peoples
wouldn't want me to quit.

This is for them.

[whimpers]

[screams]

And... I'm done.

-Well, let's go find an alien.
-What?

Yes, we should go give the Martians
the good news that I'm their new king.

I'm sure Mars is supposed to be red,
Your Majesty.

I don't think we even left Madagascar.

[exhales]

[both screaming]

[both continue screaming]

[screams]

[screams]

King Julien,
I don't think he wants to hurt us.

[speaking Russian]

Stanislav!

He is speaking some strange alien tongue.

Which means...
[shouting gibberish]

We are in space!
I was right. You were wrong.

-Uh, is that your name?
-Da. Stanislav.

Hello! I am King Julien.

This is my friend, Maurice.

We are very happy to be on Mars!

-Hmm?
-Hmm?

[chattering]

I think he wants us to follow him
to meet his Martian king.

I still don't think we're on Mars.

Take us to your leader, Martian.

[sighs]

Ooh, look at all this Martian artwork.

[singing in Russian]

Eh, eh, eh! Uh...

I'm having a little trouble
enjoying the Mars art

with all that awful alien noise
you're making.

-No offense.
-[grumbles]

Mother.

Ah, yes, she's very beautiful.
Very hairy woman.

I can see the resemblance.
[whispers] That's not a compliment.

Yeesh. These Martians aren't winning
any beauty contests, I can tell you that.

Again, Your Majesty, not on Mars.

If we're not on Mars,

then how come that mob
of Martians is coming for us? Huh?

Everyone just stay still.
Maybe they won't see us.

Oops. [whispers] I moved a little.

[groans]

Aw, man, I moved again.

Please stay quiet, Your Majesty.

Okay, I'm all good.

[grunting]

I'm not going to do this.
[exclaiming]

That's the stuff.

-[growling]
-[chattering]

[Mort grunting]

King Julien?

Hi, King Julien.

[Julien] Uh, King Julien's not here,

Martian who sounds like Clover.

Ahem, it is Clover, Your Majesty.

King Julien, this is amazing!

You've found the first Pan troglodytes

ever recorded on the island.

Tro... trog... trogli...

Is that another word for Martian?
Because then yes, I did.

No, King Julien. The monkey.

Chimpanzees are not native to Madagascar.

-Then, how'd he get here?
-This is something. [snorts]

I think Stanislav here

was once a part of Russia's space program.

Da! Da! Mother Russia.

[singing in Russian]

What?

You mean, we're not on Mars?

Uh, nope. No, no. See?

Ahh! Just, "ahh"!

I've let my peoples down.

Now, now, King Julien, don't be hasty.

We've got ourselves a bona fide
space monkey here!

With his help, I'm sure
we can correct my initial errors

and get you to the moon!

Really?
Then, this is the best day of my life!

[Mort] King Julien is happy!

-Yay! Oof!
-[Stanislav grunts]

[cheering]

Yes, yes, my peoples!

Thank you for this very warm
and very appropriate welcome.

Peoples, I have bad news,

and I have good news.

Bad news is, we didn't get to the moon.

-[all gasping]
-[sputters]

What? Now those crazy crocodiles
will get there first

and plant their deadly space laser.

We're all gonna get laser-ed!

[all screaming]

Calm down!

I, your beautiful and talented king,
have a new plan.

With the help of a real live space monkey,

we will get to the moon.

I swear it by my bouncing booty.

[shushing]

[giggles]

As you can see, my primate pal,
what we are dealing with

is a problem without a solution.

[speaking Russian]

Da!

That you seem to have just solved.

Wow. Where'd you learn how to do that?

Mother.

Well, she must be a smart lady.

Aw, man, look at all that math.

Do more! Do more! [snorts]

How's it coming, eggheads?

We're all systems go, full speed ahead,
buckle up, baby, buckle up.

Righteous. Stanislav, the manislav,
looks like you're going to the moon.

Moon? Moon?

Nyet! Home! Home!

That's right, Stan-my-man,

the moon will be your new home.

[Stanislav chatters angrily]

I can't be the only one who notices

that Stanislav
doesn't want to go to the moon.

What? Look at him.

Of course he wants to go to the moon.

Nyet! Nyet, nyet!

[laughs] Love the enthusiasm, buddy.

Nyet! Mother. Mother!

Yeah, yeah, we're all very aware
of your mommy issues.

FYI, you might want to talk
to a professional about that.

Mother!

[grunts] Perhaps "mother"
is what he calls Russia.

He wants to go home.

[speaking Russian]

Da, da. Mother Russia.

Oh, so you miss the beautiful beaches
of Russia, huh?

Well, you're in luck, buddy.
We can send you back.

Eh, we can, right?

You bet we can.

We can send you back.

-[chattering]
-[sighs]

Stanislav, if you can whip
this rag-tag bunch into shape

and show us what real astronauting
is all about--

And install a space laser on the moon
before the crocodiles do.

Cool it with the lasers, already.

You're freaking everybody out.

Hey, buddy. Get us to the moon,

and we'll get you back home to Russia.

I promise.

Oh, yeah, bring it in--

[kissing]

That was nice. Okay.
Let the training montage begin!

For reals this time, you guys.

[motivational music playing]

[grunting]

[gasps, coughs]

How long was I under?

That's gotta be a record. [panting]

Four seconds.

[groans] Yes! New personal best.

[laughs and heaves]

[Mort grunting]

Hey!

[Mort groaning]

[Mort retches]

[retches]

What's everybody looking at?
[retches]

Nope. Nothing.

Ohh!

Huzzah!

You've perfected the heroic
slow-motion walk.

It's probably the most important skill

for an astronaut to master.

You're ready.

Uh, King Julien?

I-I've uncovered a slight problem.

It's our fuel. If we go to the moon,
there won't be enough left

to send Stanislav back to Russia.

You interrupted my slo-mo walk for that?

Then we can just explain to Stanislav

that he can't go back home and, oh...

But I promised.
He wants to go home so badly.

-Everything all right?
-Yup, everything's great.

My peoples need us to get to the moon.

It's the only thing a lot of them
have to look forward to.

Aw, it'll make them happy.

Somebody needs to give Stanislav
the bad news, I guess.

You can give him the bad news
after we get back from the moon.

Hopefully, he'll have forgotten
all about Russia by then anyway.

My peoples.

Today, we embark
on a mission to the moon!

[all cheering]

By my bouncing booty,
we will get to the moon!

With the help of a real live
space monkey, I swear it.

I would like to say
that the ugly rumor going around

that we are running low on fuel

and won't get Stanislav
back to Russia, it's true!

Huh?

You're not very good
at keeping secrets, are you?

Mother? Mother?

[shouting]

Mother! Mother!

What's going on up there?

Ooh, you're very strong.

[chattering]

[Mort] Hey, everybody!
I can see my stump from here!

-We gotta do something, Your Majesty.
-On it!

No. I should talk to him.

He looks up to me and thinks of me
as a cool uncle figure.

He'll respect my authority as king.

[grunting]

Not really respecting
the kingly authority, buddy. Truce?

-[growls]
-[grunts]

-Ah, that's better. [grunts]
-[Mort] Ah!

Now, I know you were really excited
about going home.

And who could blame you?

I'm sure Madagascar
is pretty disappointing

when you compare it
to the splendors of Russia.

[singing in Russian]

Eh, eh, eh, eh!

Unfortunately, buddy,
we can't send you home

because my peoples
really need a moon colony.

[Clover] And the giant space laser!

Yeah, it's a big dream,

but sometimes you just gotta dream big

in order to make that magic happen.

I mean, just think of it.
Lemurs on the moon.

Well, that's some serious magic, right?

I mean, you get that, right?

-Da. Da...
-Aw.

Don't be like that.

If we do what you want to do,

we won't get to do what I want to do.

Da, da.

[all] Five... four...
three... two... one.

[rumbling]

So, you gave up your dream
of going to the moon

to help Stanislav get home. Why?

Yeah, I started to think about
how much I would miss Madagascar.

Even if I was stuck somewhere
with all the freedom

and great weather of Russia.

[reporters clamoring]

Still, it kills me that those crocodiles
are going to beat us to the moon

-and put their lasers up there.
-Okay, take it easy Clover.

Besides, in what world could crocodiles
actually make it to the moon?

[laughs] Much less put lasers up there.

[laughs]

[crocodile] I am on the moon
and I've installed the moon laser,

and it looks like we're all systems go.

-I guess I'll head on back to Earth.
-[all cheering]

Uh, that reminds me,
how am I getting back?

Uh... [mumbling]

Oh, no, we're breaking up!

[imitates static noise]

Well, we're losing connection.

Sun spots.
Uh, we'll try again later.

[mumbles nervously]

[singing in Russian]