All Grown Up! (2003–2008): Season 3, Episode 9 - Dude, Where's My Horse? - full transcript
When Grandpa Lou's buddy Red challenges the kids to work his dude ranch, Tommy jumps at the chance to prove himself, and drags the rest of the Rats along with him. Finding ranch work beyond...
GIRL:
Four, three, two, one!
( rock music playing )
♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪
♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪
♪ But I still go to school ♪
♪ To get an education ♪
♪ I treat each and every day ♪
♪ Like a mini vacation ♪
♪ All grown up! ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up! ♪
♪ I want the world to know ♪
♪ All grown up! ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ All grown up with... ♪
♪ you. ♪
TOMMY:
"Summer"-- the single greatest
word in the English language.
No school, no homework,
and no butt cramps from man's
most uncomfortable invention,
the chair-desk.
Nine long months of anticipation
all building up to three
precious months of sun, fun
and nonstop adventure.
MAN ( on TV ):
And I wouldn't try this
at home, mates!
( electronic alarm beeps )
Pass the remote-- we're missing
¡Hospital de Tentación!
What's ¡Hospital
de Tentación!?
A Spanish soap opera
he's obsessed with.
¿Está todo bien?
No, estás enfermo.
Estás muy enfermo.
Sí...
Sí.
Poor Enrique.
He can't find a brain donor.
And all I can do is stand
helplessly by and... watch.
But, Dil,
you don't speak
Spanish.
I don't need to.
Human suffering is the same
in any language.
Oh, would you look
at this place!
Looks like a goat exploded
in here.
Why aren't you kids
outside playing?
It's supposed
to rain.
( kids all scream )
Someday, I mean.
Kids, meet
my old buddy,
Red.
Look at these critters--
citified, just like
their grandpa.
Wouldn't last till lunch
working my ranch,
which is at 8:00 in the morning,
'cause we get up at 3:00.
Ah, ranch life's
clouded your brain,
old man.
Remember when
we were kids?
You bet I wouldn't last
a week at the ranch.
Made it all the way
to September.
You were on bed rest.
I broke my leg.
Getting off the bus.
Bet I could last
the summer.
Wouldn't last a week.
Let me see your hands.
Yep, soft as a seamstress.
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
A week on a ranch, some
sunshine, fresh air...
Is there a spa?
But we don't know anything
about ranch work.
A place like that is a hotbed
of allergic activity.
I'd be one big hive.
It's really bad timing for me.
Enrique's about to have
his lobotomy reversed,
and I can't be incommunicado.
A week on the ranch it is.
Ho-ho, yeah--
they're out of here.
Angelica, do you have
to keep kicking my seat?
No, I don't have to,
but seeing as how you got us
into this mess,
it's my pleasure.
Guys, when we were kids,
we must have banked a gazillion
hours playing cowboys.
Now we have a shot
at the real deal.
Think about it: grub cooked
over an open fire, horses,
wide-open spaces, horses...
I still don't know,
Tommy.
I mean, real horses are
big and unpredictable.
They're not like running around
on a broom handle,
slapping your own butt.
Uh...
Chill, Finster, it'll be great.
Well, I just remembered
how swank I'll look
in all my Western wear.
( harp plays arpeggio )
( theme music
from Bonanza plays )
Well...
this doesn't look familiar.
( man whistles eerie tune
in distance )
( screaming )
Chuckie, what'd you
do that for?
Whenever you hear that song
in Westerns,
it means the bad guys are
about to start a shoot-out.
( man continues
whistling eerily )
( all laughing )
COWBOY:
Aw, nothing personal, folks.
We do that to all
the city slickers, right, Lou?
Yep, and it wasn't funny then,
and it ain't funny now.
( splashing )
I'm Big Red, and this here is
Medium Red and Little Red.
And that guy
by the truck's Tiny.
SUSIE:
What truck?
( snoring )
What are you looking at?
Uh... I-I never met
a city girl before.
How did you get your hair
so shiny?
We bathe.
( all gasp )
Look quick
or you'll miss it!
( mooing )
You pulled us away
from wild mustangs
to check out a cow?
It is not about the cow.
It's about the cow tipping.
Yeah, right.
You'd never do that.
It almost sounds... bad.
SUSIE:
What are you saying?
I can't be bad?
I can't be bad?
I can be as bad
as the rest of you.
Badder even.
That's right, sister,
you are going down.
( clucking )
Sweet.
Ah, living like real cowboys.
This arrangement's fine
for the preteens,
but I'm going to need
a bathroom with a hot tub,
Internet access,
and free movies.
If you adjust her dial,
does the static go away?
Well, it's 4:00 p.m.--
y'all better catch
some shuteye.
Around here, we get up
before the roosters.
Good night, buckaroo.
Aw, 'night, Grandpa.
Which one of you do I talk to
about room service?
Ah, think about it, Chuckie:
Tonight we go to sleep kids;
tomorrow we wake up cowboys.
( harp plays arpeggio )
( inhales deeply )
( gagging )
( flies buzzing )
( sneezes )
Well, you didn't think horses
cleaned up after themselves,
did you?
I was born for this job.
You might want
to keep that
to yourself.
Well, I for one
refuse to get
up close and personal
with horse dung.
It'll ruin the faux fade
of my jeans.
The life of a cowboy isn't
all fast horses and fancy hats.
We have to work up to it,
earn it.
Seems like
you would need shots
for this kind
of work.
Lots of them.
Come on, Chuckie, you want
the Reds to think you're soft?
But... I am soft.
Look, the grunt work is just
gonna make the fun stuff
seem that much better.
Leave it up to Tommy to give
shoveling manure a good rap.
Why did I wear
these ridiculous shoes?
Without traction, it'll take me
forever to fill one shovel.
Why don't you change them?
That's okay, I'll manage.
I mean, there's
all this work to do,
and who could possibly
cover for me while I'm gone?
You're looking at him.
Really?
You don't have
to ask me twice.
Trust me, I won't.
( grunts )
( groans )
( sighs )
( yawns )
This is definitely one-star,
but it'll do.
Well, take a look
at what the kids can do.
Well, you city folks were always
good at shoveling this stuff,
but I got to say, this is
a mighty excellent job.
Ha! So, Red,
where's the chuck wagon?
'Cause me and my posse
are ready to celebrate.
Are you kidding?
This is just the warm-up.
Warm-up?
Warm-up?
Warm-up?
Warm-up?
( gasps )
( pig squealing )
( mooing )
( wood creaking )
( cheering )
( wood creaking )
( bang )
( wood creaking )
( bang )
PHIL:
What a week.
Phil, it's been a day,
and you stink.
In honor of the great cowboy
tradition, I refuse to shower.
( sniffing )
There is an upside
to not being able to breathe.
Howdy-ho, partners.
Put in a long day?
I've never worked
so hard in my life.
I need a volunteer for KP duty.
You won't be doing
the outdoorsy stuff
you did today, but...
Me! Me-me-me-me-me!
Pick me!
Oh, we got a taker.
Good-bye, horse poop.
Oh, and you get up two hours
earlier than your buddies
so we can get
breakfast on.
( muffled scream )
Listen up, amigos.
Since ranch people
don't believe in TVs,
I filled the void
by writing up a mock episode
of ¡Hospital de Tentación!
T., you'll be
playing Enrique.
You're in a coma
and debating whether or not
to move toward the light.
Suze, you're Estella.
You want Enrique to bite it
'cause he loves Elena.
She's bad to the bone.
( Angelica screaming )
There's this thing chasing me!
It's hideous!
( squawks )
Get it off me!
What is it?
A really ugly duck?!
How should I know?
I accidentally hatched it
and now it won't
stop following me!
Stay away from me.
I have orange sauce
and I am not afraid to use it.
Oh, look...
the little thing thinks
you're his mama.
( squawking )
Well, I'm not.
It's ugly and dirty
and smells like Phil!
Someone get it out of here!
I can't; I've lost
all feeling in my arms.
You're lucky-- I'd love to
lose the feeling in my arms.
Are we going to have
to do this every day?
I don't think
I can handle it--
sanitation-wise.
All you guys ever think about
is yourselves.
What about poor Enrique?
Who cares?
I'm sick of Enrique.
He's probably kicked it
by now anyway.
How can you say
something like that?
ANGELICA:
News flash, Dil!
People don't usually survive
lobotomy reversals!
Stop it, stop it!
Why are we yelling at everybody?
This is no time
to be dissing on each other...
when we should be dissing
on Tommy!
Huh?
It's his fault we're here
in the first place.
That's right, yeah!
Guys, it'll be fun.
I promise.
Chuckie?
I'm torn on this one,
my friend...
really torn.
( all yelling angrily )
BIG RED:
Hey, hey,
hey, hey!
What's all the ruckus in here?
It's not really
a ruckus.
It's more of a hubbub.
Well, you'd better turn in.
You've got a big day ahead.
For proving yourselves
so hasty like,
at week's end
I'm inviting you all
to come with me on a big drive.
Uh, just for the record,
you don't mean like a car trip
to Grandma's house.
You're talking about
the real deal, right?
Yeah, and you'd better
get some sleep,
'cause y'all are gonna have
to learn to rope and ride.
We're going on
a cattle drive.
We're gonna be cowboys,
real cowboys!
Sí...
Sí.
( all cheering )
MEDIUM RED:
Now you're gonna see
the Pickles' family knack
with horses kick in.
( horse nickering )
Dude, where's my horse?
Aw, this has to be the
single coolest moment
of my life.
Funny, I was thinking
it may be my last.
( whinnying )
( laughing )
You'll be fine.
I'm sure Nelly
will go easy on you.
Your turn.
Saddles up.
( horse whinnies )
What can I say?
It's just like accessorizing.
Now, to mount your horse
in three easy steps,
grab the horn,
left foot in stirrup,
swing right leg over.
( horse neighs )
Yo, check me out.
Nothing is broken...
( chuckles )
yet.
( grunting )
( all chuckling )
( chick cawing )
Get lost, will you?
I told you
I'm not the mothering type.
( squawking )
Whoa!
Okay, this is good.
I'm still upright.
( yelling )
( owl hooting )
KIMI:
Another Kimi Finster original--
pork-and-bean tempura.
In all my years on the ranch,
I ain't never tasted
nothing like it.
Ugh!
Whew.
Hey, Kimi, this is better
than your beef-jerky teriyaki.
No, don't get me wrong,
it's still nasty.
( chick squawking )
How many times
do I have to tell you
before it gets through
your soft skull?!
I don't like you, Reject!
Angelica, you can't
name him Reject.
That is so mean.
It was my second choice.
My first was Dinner.
( whimpers )
( warbles contentedly )
I can't believe
how much fun I had today.
It's like I can think
like a horse.
And that's
a good thing?
I have to admit it's blazing
great when you get in the zone.
Yeah, the zone.
Like you and the horse
are one.
Oh, yeah, ha, the zone.
Hey, great.
( player piano starts playing )
Got any aces?
( piano continues playing )
Go fish.
Now, you wouldn't
be lying to me,
because I gave you one
two minutes ago.
Are you calling me a liar?
Them there are fighting words.
( piano stops abruptly )
( hawks, then spits )
Then I am calling you a liar.
( knuckles crack )
Draw.
KIMI:
Break it up,
you two!
Kimi's egg rolls are liable
to explode upon impact,
and I'd never get that stank
out of my clothes.
( groans )
Got any eights?
( piano resumes playing )
Thanks for the jacket, Angelica.
And now I'm off
to tip me some cow!
Yeah!
( piano playing )
No doubt about it,
she's gone bad.
( crickets chirping )
( cow moos )
That's it.
I am not kidding around anymore.
Before I leave,
you are getting tipped.
Game on!
( chewing )
( sighs )
Yo, Susie!
Can you help me
out here?
Doing what?
As a poster child
for good girls gone bad,
could you be my
lookout while I do
some investigating?
Ooh, I'm
all over it.
Aha! A satellite dish.
And where there's
a satellite dish, there's a TV.
Hang in there, Enrique, I'm
coming to find you, mi amigo!
Okay, you haven't
said one word
for the past 23 minutes.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
You want some help
with the horse stuff?
Why? I know what I'm
doing and just not yet.
I'm surprised I'm so good
at this stuff.
But I think it's because
I didn't think
I would be good at all,
so being bad
wasn't so scary
and being good
got easier.
You know what I mean?
Was I supposed to?
Just don't try so hard.
Let it go, Chuckie.
I admit it wasn't
as easy for me
as it was for
everybody else,
but it doesn't
bother me.
Not everyone
can expect
to be a cowboy
overnight.
( playing softly )
When did you learn
how to play the harmonica?
I play
the harmonica?
( snoring )
( sighs )
Remember, lassoing
is all in the wrist.
Keep it smooth and steady.
( lassos whirring )
Nobody move!
How many times have I told you
to stay away from the ring?!
Don't give me that attitude,
young man.
Shoo!
She's dressing him
like her now?
She should be reported
for cruelty to animals.
( wind blowing )
I got off to a slow start,
but I'm going to nail it.
Do I look like
a wooden cow to you?
Lil...
Yeah, yeah, getting out
of the line of fire.
You'll do fine now.
No obstacles,
no distractions.
LIL ( echoing ):
Getting rope burns here.
( mooing )
( wind blowing )
( creaking )
( piano playing )
Maybe the sun burned out
my taste buds,
but, Kimi,
this grub tastes awesome.
I know. It took me all week,
but I finally learned
how to do it up right.
Chuckie, I'm sorry
I was kind of a jerk
the other night.
Nah, you weren't
a jerk, just testy.
But you seem like
you're in a good mood now.
Did you finally lasso
the wooden cow?
Nope. I finally accepted
the fact that I'm
the lamest cowboy
on the planet,
and I'm completely
comfortable with it.
I've always said the key
to happiness is...
lowered expectations.
( door creaks open )
( piano stops abruptly )
( piano resumes playing )
Any luck
with cow tipping?
( groans )
Listen, Susie,
I don't want
to spoil your fun,
but there ain't no such thing
as cow tipping.
It's an urban legend.
So it's a hoax?
Oh, like us city kids don't
have alligators in our sewers.
( spits )
( sadly ):
You don't have alligators
in your sewers?
( both sigh )
( creaking )
I can't believe we're going
on a real cattle drive tomorrow.
I'm stoked.
I sure hope we're ready for it.
I'd hate to mess this up.
Me, too.
I'm down to my last
clean pair of jeans.
Yeah, you guys
are going to be great.
What do you mean
"you guys"?
I've decided to bail
on the cattle drive,
but good luck
and have a great time.
( creaking )
( bang )
Four, three, two, one!
( rock music playing )
♪ Every birthday,
my mom and dad would say ♪
♪ "You're another year older,
another year wiser" ♪
♪ But I still go to school ♪
♪ To get an education ♪
♪ I treat each and every day ♪
♪ Like a mini vacation ♪
♪ All grown up! ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up! ♪
♪ I want the world to know ♪
♪ All grown up! ♪
♪ I really want
to shout it out ♪
♪ All grown up ♪
♪ With you ♪
♪ All grown up with... ♪
♪ you. ♪
TOMMY:
"Summer"-- the single greatest
word in the English language.
No school, no homework,
and no butt cramps from man's
most uncomfortable invention,
the chair-desk.
Nine long months of anticipation
all building up to three
precious months of sun, fun
and nonstop adventure.
MAN ( on TV ):
And I wouldn't try this
at home, mates!
( electronic alarm beeps )
Pass the remote-- we're missing
¡Hospital de Tentación!
What's ¡Hospital
de Tentación!?
A Spanish soap opera
he's obsessed with.
¿Está todo bien?
No, estás enfermo.
Estás muy enfermo.
Sí...
Sí.
Poor Enrique.
He can't find a brain donor.
And all I can do is stand
helplessly by and... watch.
But, Dil,
you don't speak
Spanish.
I don't need to.
Human suffering is the same
in any language.
Oh, would you look
at this place!
Looks like a goat exploded
in here.
Why aren't you kids
outside playing?
It's supposed
to rain.
( kids all scream )
Someday, I mean.
Kids, meet
my old buddy,
Red.
Look at these critters--
citified, just like
their grandpa.
Wouldn't last till lunch
working my ranch,
which is at 8:00 in the morning,
'cause we get up at 3:00.
Ah, ranch life's
clouded your brain,
old man.
Remember when
we were kids?
You bet I wouldn't last
a week at the ranch.
Made it all the way
to September.
You were on bed rest.
I broke my leg.
Getting off the bus.
Bet I could last
the summer.
Wouldn't last a week.
Let me see your hands.
Yep, soft as a seamstress.
Actually, that's not a bad idea.
A week on a ranch, some
sunshine, fresh air...
Is there a spa?
But we don't know anything
about ranch work.
A place like that is a hotbed
of allergic activity.
I'd be one big hive.
It's really bad timing for me.
Enrique's about to have
his lobotomy reversed,
and I can't be incommunicado.
A week on the ranch it is.
Ho-ho, yeah--
they're out of here.
Angelica, do you have
to keep kicking my seat?
No, I don't have to,
but seeing as how you got us
into this mess,
it's my pleasure.
Guys, when we were kids,
we must have banked a gazillion
hours playing cowboys.
Now we have a shot
at the real deal.
Think about it: grub cooked
over an open fire, horses,
wide-open spaces, horses...
I still don't know,
Tommy.
I mean, real horses are
big and unpredictable.
They're not like running around
on a broom handle,
slapping your own butt.
Uh...
Chill, Finster, it'll be great.
Well, I just remembered
how swank I'll look
in all my Western wear.
( harp plays arpeggio )
( theme music
from Bonanza plays )
Well...
this doesn't look familiar.
( man whistles eerie tune
in distance )
( screaming )
Chuckie, what'd you
do that for?
Whenever you hear that song
in Westerns,
it means the bad guys are
about to start a shoot-out.
( man continues
whistling eerily )
( all laughing )
COWBOY:
Aw, nothing personal, folks.
We do that to all
the city slickers, right, Lou?
Yep, and it wasn't funny then,
and it ain't funny now.
( splashing )
I'm Big Red, and this here is
Medium Red and Little Red.
And that guy
by the truck's Tiny.
SUSIE:
What truck?
( snoring )
What are you looking at?
Uh... I-I never met
a city girl before.
How did you get your hair
so shiny?
We bathe.
( all gasp )
Look quick
or you'll miss it!
( mooing )
You pulled us away
from wild mustangs
to check out a cow?
It is not about the cow.
It's about the cow tipping.
Yeah, right.
You'd never do that.
It almost sounds... bad.
SUSIE:
What are you saying?
I can't be bad?
I can't be bad?
I can be as bad
as the rest of you.
Badder even.
That's right, sister,
you are going down.
( clucking )
Sweet.
Ah, living like real cowboys.
This arrangement's fine
for the preteens,
but I'm going to need
a bathroom with a hot tub,
Internet access,
and free movies.
If you adjust her dial,
does the static go away?
Well, it's 4:00 p.m.--
y'all better catch
some shuteye.
Around here, we get up
before the roosters.
Good night, buckaroo.
Aw, 'night, Grandpa.
Which one of you do I talk to
about room service?
Ah, think about it, Chuckie:
Tonight we go to sleep kids;
tomorrow we wake up cowboys.
( harp plays arpeggio )
( inhales deeply )
( gagging )
( flies buzzing )
( sneezes )
Well, you didn't think horses
cleaned up after themselves,
did you?
I was born for this job.
You might want
to keep that
to yourself.
Well, I for one
refuse to get
up close and personal
with horse dung.
It'll ruin the faux fade
of my jeans.
The life of a cowboy isn't
all fast horses and fancy hats.
We have to work up to it,
earn it.
Seems like
you would need shots
for this kind
of work.
Lots of them.
Come on, Chuckie, you want
the Reds to think you're soft?
But... I am soft.
Look, the grunt work is just
gonna make the fun stuff
seem that much better.
Leave it up to Tommy to give
shoveling manure a good rap.
Why did I wear
these ridiculous shoes?
Without traction, it'll take me
forever to fill one shovel.
Why don't you change them?
That's okay, I'll manage.
I mean, there's
all this work to do,
and who could possibly
cover for me while I'm gone?
You're looking at him.
Really?
You don't have
to ask me twice.
Trust me, I won't.
( grunts )
( groans )
( sighs )
( yawns )
This is definitely one-star,
but it'll do.
Well, take a look
at what the kids can do.
Well, you city folks were always
good at shoveling this stuff,
but I got to say, this is
a mighty excellent job.
Ha! So, Red,
where's the chuck wagon?
'Cause me and my posse
are ready to celebrate.
Are you kidding?
This is just the warm-up.
Warm-up?
Warm-up?
Warm-up?
Warm-up?
( gasps )
( pig squealing )
( mooing )
( wood creaking )
( cheering )
( wood creaking )
( bang )
( wood creaking )
( bang )
PHIL:
What a week.
Phil, it's been a day,
and you stink.
In honor of the great cowboy
tradition, I refuse to shower.
( sniffing )
There is an upside
to not being able to breathe.
Howdy-ho, partners.
Put in a long day?
I've never worked
so hard in my life.
I need a volunteer for KP duty.
You won't be doing
the outdoorsy stuff
you did today, but...
Me! Me-me-me-me-me!
Pick me!
Oh, we got a taker.
Good-bye, horse poop.
Oh, and you get up two hours
earlier than your buddies
so we can get
breakfast on.
( muffled scream )
Listen up, amigos.
Since ranch people
don't believe in TVs,
I filled the void
by writing up a mock episode
of ¡Hospital de Tentación!
T., you'll be
playing Enrique.
You're in a coma
and debating whether or not
to move toward the light.
Suze, you're Estella.
You want Enrique to bite it
'cause he loves Elena.
She's bad to the bone.
( Angelica screaming )
There's this thing chasing me!
It's hideous!
( squawks )
Get it off me!
What is it?
A really ugly duck?!
How should I know?
I accidentally hatched it
and now it won't
stop following me!
Stay away from me.
I have orange sauce
and I am not afraid to use it.
Oh, look...
the little thing thinks
you're his mama.
( squawking )
Well, I'm not.
It's ugly and dirty
and smells like Phil!
Someone get it out of here!
I can't; I've lost
all feeling in my arms.
You're lucky-- I'd love to
lose the feeling in my arms.
Are we going to have
to do this every day?
I don't think
I can handle it--
sanitation-wise.
All you guys ever think about
is yourselves.
What about poor Enrique?
Who cares?
I'm sick of Enrique.
He's probably kicked it
by now anyway.
How can you say
something like that?
ANGELICA:
News flash, Dil!
People don't usually survive
lobotomy reversals!
Stop it, stop it!
Why are we yelling at everybody?
This is no time
to be dissing on each other...
when we should be dissing
on Tommy!
Huh?
It's his fault we're here
in the first place.
That's right, yeah!
Guys, it'll be fun.
I promise.
Chuckie?
I'm torn on this one,
my friend...
really torn.
( all yelling angrily )
BIG RED:
Hey, hey,
hey, hey!
What's all the ruckus in here?
It's not really
a ruckus.
It's more of a hubbub.
Well, you'd better turn in.
You've got a big day ahead.
For proving yourselves
so hasty like,
at week's end
I'm inviting you all
to come with me on a big drive.
Uh, just for the record,
you don't mean like a car trip
to Grandma's house.
You're talking about
the real deal, right?
Yeah, and you'd better
get some sleep,
'cause y'all are gonna have
to learn to rope and ride.
We're going on
a cattle drive.
We're gonna be cowboys,
real cowboys!
Sí...
Sí.
( all cheering )
MEDIUM RED:
Now you're gonna see
the Pickles' family knack
with horses kick in.
( horse nickering )
Dude, where's my horse?
Aw, this has to be the
single coolest moment
of my life.
Funny, I was thinking
it may be my last.
( whinnying )
( laughing )
You'll be fine.
I'm sure Nelly
will go easy on you.
Your turn.
Saddles up.
( horse whinnies )
What can I say?
It's just like accessorizing.
Now, to mount your horse
in three easy steps,
grab the horn,
left foot in stirrup,
swing right leg over.
( horse neighs )
Yo, check me out.
Nothing is broken...
( chuckles )
yet.
( grunting )
( all chuckling )
( chick cawing )
Get lost, will you?
I told you
I'm not the mothering type.
( squawking )
Whoa!
Okay, this is good.
I'm still upright.
( yelling )
( owl hooting )
KIMI:
Another Kimi Finster original--
pork-and-bean tempura.
In all my years on the ranch,
I ain't never tasted
nothing like it.
Ugh!
Whew.
Hey, Kimi, this is better
than your beef-jerky teriyaki.
No, don't get me wrong,
it's still nasty.
( chick squawking )
How many times
do I have to tell you
before it gets through
your soft skull?!
I don't like you, Reject!
Angelica, you can't
name him Reject.
That is so mean.
It was my second choice.
My first was Dinner.
( whimpers )
( warbles contentedly )
I can't believe
how much fun I had today.
It's like I can think
like a horse.
And that's
a good thing?
I have to admit it's blazing
great when you get in the zone.
Yeah, the zone.
Like you and the horse
are one.
Oh, yeah, ha, the zone.
Hey, great.
( player piano starts playing )
Got any aces?
( piano continues playing )
Go fish.
Now, you wouldn't
be lying to me,
because I gave you one
two minutes ago.
Are you calling me a liar?
Them there are fighting words.
( piano stops abruptly )
( hawks, then spits )
Then I am calling you a liar.
( knuckles crack )
Draw.
KIMI:
Break it up,
you two!
Kimi's egg rolls are liable
to explode upon impact,
and I'd never get that stank
out of my clothes.
( groans )
Got any eights?
( piano resumes playing )
Thanks for the jacket, Angelica.
And now I'm off
to tip me some cow!
Yeah!
( piano playing )
No doubt about it,
she's gone bad.
( crickets chirping )
( cow moos )
That's it.
I am not kidding around anymore.
Before I leave,
you are getting tipped.
Game on!
( chewing )
( sighs )
Yo, Susie!
Can you help me
out here?
Doing what?
As a poster child
for good girls gone bad,
could you be my
lookout while I do
some investigating?
Ooh, I'm
all over it.
Aha! A satellite dish.
And where there's
a satellite dish, there's a TV.
Hang in there, Enrique, I'm
coming to find you, mi amigo!
Okay, you haven't
said one word
for the past 23 minutes.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
You want some help
with the horse stuff?
Why? I know what I'm
doing and just not yet.
I'm surprised I'm so good
at this stuff.
But I think it's because
I didn't think
I would be good at all,
so being bad
wasn't so scary
and being good
got easier.
You know what I mean?
Was I supposed to?
Just don't try so hard.
Let it go, Chuckie.
I admit it wasn't
as easy for me
as it was for
everybody else,
but it doesn't
bother me.
Not everyone
can expect
to be a cowboy
overnight.
( playing softly )
When did you learn
how to play the harmonica?
I play
the harmonica?
( snoring )
( sighs )
Remember, lassoing
is all in the wrist.
Keep it smooth and steady.
( lassos whirring )
Nobody move!
How many times have I told you
to stay away from the ring?!
Don't give me that attitude,
young man.
Shoo!
She's dressing him
like her now?
She should be reported
for cruelty to animals.
( wind blowing )
I got off to a slow start,
but I'm going to nail it.
Do I look like
a wooden cow to you?
Lil...
Yeah, yeah, getting out
of the line of fire.
You'll do fine now.
No obstacles,
no distractions.
LIL ( echoing ):
Getting rope burns here.
( mooing )
( wind blowing )
( creaking )
( piano playing )
Maybe the sun burned out
my taste buds,
but, Kimi,
this grub tastes awesome.
I know. It took me all week,
but I finally learned
how to do it up right.
Chuckie, I'm sorry
I was kind of a jerk
the other night.
Nah, you weren't
a jerk, just testy.
But you seem like
you're in a good mood now.
Did you finally lasso
the wooden cow?
Nope. I finally accepted
the fact that I'm
the lamest cowboy
on the planet,
and I'm completely
comfortable with it.
I've always said the key
to happiness is...
lowered expectations.
( door creaks open )
( piano stops abruptly )
( piano resumes playing )
Any luck
with cow tipping?
( groans )
Listen, Susie,
I don't want
to spoil your fun,
but there ain't no such thing
as cow tipping.
It's an urban legend.
So it's a hoax?
Oh, like us city kids don't
have alligators in our sewers.
( spits )
( sadly ):
You don't have alligators
in your sewers?
( both sigh )
( creaking )
I can't believe we're going
on a real cattle drive tomorrow.
I'm stoked.
I sure hope we're ready for it.
I'd hate to mess this up.
Me, too.
I'm down to my last
clean pair of jeans.
Yeah, you guys
are going to be great.
What do you mean
"you guys"?
I've decided to bail
on the cattle drive,
but good luck
and have a great time.
( creaking )
( bang )