All Grown Up! (2003–2008): Season 3, Episode 10 - Dude, Where's My Horse? (Part Two) - full transcript

I'm not really in the mood
for horseshoes, Grandpa.

Well, fake it.

So, what's this
I hear

about you sitting
on the sidelines

instead of going
on the drive?

I'm confused.

Weren't you the one

who talked us into
going on this trip?

( cow moos )

Yeah, but
that was before.

Before what?



Before I found out
I couldn't wrangle a poodle.

So what's the point?

BIG RED:
Ow!

Watch where you're throwing!

Tommy, if you go
through life

only doing things
you're good at,

you're gonna miss out
on half of it.

Oh, really?

You sure play
some lousy horseshoes.

What do you get
out of that?

First of all, it's fun.

Secondly, if I didn't
take up horseshoes,

I never would have met
your grandmother.

She played, too?



No, she was walking by.

I broke her nose.

And third of all...

( horseshoe clanks onto stake )

I believe in you.

( crickets chirping )

GRANDPA:
I believe in you.

( squawks )

This could be the
textbook-perfect day, except...

Tommy's not here.

Ha-ha, it's about time
you guys showed up.

Hey, Tom.

Now it's perfect.

PHIL:
Aah, I wonder what kind

of big old powerful beast
we'll be wrangling.

Hmm... longhorns?

Holsteins?

Heifers?

Come on, little dogies,
come on!

( squawking )

Ostriches?

We're driving ostriches?

What a rip-off!

I thought this was
a cattle drive!

Well, I said "drive";
you filled in the blanks.

( squawking )

( squawking )

You're an ostrich?

I've had an ostrich
sleeping on my bed?

Hey, is he supposed to do that?

Man, they smell worse
than you, Phil.

Aah!

Hey, she's insulting me,
not you.

So, where are we taking these...
little dogies?

To my sister's house.

She has a petting zoo.

Your buddy,
Ella the cow,
is going, too.

Well, I wouldn't exactly
call us buddies.

It's strictly
a tipper-tippee relationship.

Okay, let's move them out!

Whoo!

( cowboys whooping )

( grunting )

( chuckling nervously )

Yeah, just testing the ground.

I'm happy to report
it's hard, firm

and perfect
for an ostrich drive.

( grunting )

You're like a regular
trip rider there, Angelica.

Maybe you should stay
another week.

I could teach you
to shoe a horse.

Wow, that's quite an offer,

but I get nervous
if I'm away from a mall

with a good multiplex
and a cappuccino bar

for more than seven days,
so I think I'll say... no.

Oh.

Look, Little Red,

it's just that I'm a...
city gal-- always will be.

We're just from
two different worlds--

mine and, well...
everyone else's.

( squawking )

Oh, I know, I know.

♪ Home, home on the range ♪
( squeaking with pressed palms )

♪ Where the deer
and the antelope play ♪

( off-key ):
♪ Where seldom is heard
a discouraging word ♪

♪ And the skies are not cloudy
all day. ♪

( giggling )

Not bad, huh?

I don't know you.

Aren't you glad

you decided to come?

Oh, yeah, wouldn't
want to miss this.

Oh! Control your horse
much, Pickles?

Reject!

Angelica!

Watch out!

( shrieking )

( Angelica screaming )

( squawking )

( horse neighing )

( grunts )

( squawking )

Not the face!
Please, not the face!

( gasps )

( squawking )

I think Big Red's hurt!

( groggily ):
Did somebody see a bird
go by here?

Okay, listen, guys.

I hate to leave you,

but I gotta get Daddy
to the ranch.

You'll have to go it alone.

You can do it!

Just keep headed towards
the big old mountain!

Okay, nobody panic.

Who says we're panicking?
Nobody's panicking.

Do you see anyone panicking?

You're panicking.

Well, I'm supposed to panic!

What are we gonna do?

Without a trail boss,
there'll be anarchy.

Chill-lax, Lil.

We're not gonna start
an uprising.

Not us-- them!

( squawking )

Somebody has to take charge.

I'll do it!

DIL:
Is this one of those times

where I say something
and you guys ignore me?

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're kidding, right?

I know
I hit the scene

a little later
than everybody else,

but as long as
I can remember, T.,

you've always been
the leader.

Well, this time I'm
the least-qualified
person for the job.

I'm the one
who got you guys
into this mess.

I'm the one
who wanted to be
a big-time cowboy,

and look where I got you.

I'm the worst wrangler,
the worst horseman.

Even my chaps are on backwards,
and boy, do they pinch.

Ow.

CHUCKIE:
You stink; so what?

Big deal--
I stink at a lot of things,

like dodgeball
and long division.

And you can never open your
locker on the first try.

There. See?

And you're lousy
at crazy eights.

I always beat you.

Right!

And your
fashion sense is

pretty pathetic, Finster.

Thanks, I think I can
handle this from here.

Look, Tommy, there's a lot
of things I stink at,

but what I'm really bad at is
following you into adventures.

But that never stopped me,

because we're friends,

and I knew you'd always
be there for me.

Now we need you
to be here for us.

Chuckie, Phil, Susie,

gather up the strays.

Lil, Dil and Kimi,
keep an eye on the rest.

Angelica,
head up the back.

( squawking )

( sighing )

Let's take a break here.

Good.

I'm parched.

TOMMY:
The way things are going,

we should have
these critters

at Red's sister's
in a couple of hours.

Which means we'll be
there in time to watch

¡Hospital de Tentación!

What makes you think

she's going to have a TV?

It's a lock.

The ladies love Enrique's
piercing black eyes.

Sí...

Sí.

( squawking )

( gasps )

What's going on down there?

"Boots... Belts..."

And "Burgers"?

They're ostrich rustlers!

( squawks )

And they've got Reject!

You've got
to do something.

If anything happens
to that little guy,

I don't know
if I can go on.

You named him Reject.

That was before
his innocence reached in

and touched a warm,
vulnerable part inside me.

And if you tell anyone,
you're all dead meat!

( rustlers shouting )

Get a move on, now.

There you go.

( all shouting )

TOMMY:
Dil, I want you to go down there

and do whatever you have
to do to create a diversion.

Phil and Lil,
flatten the truck tires.

With what?

Figure it out.

Susie, Kimi,
hide in the bushes

and when you get
the opportunity,
lasso the ATVs.

We're on it.
Got it!

Angelica, you think you
could tie the ropes together

long enough to hold them
for a while?

Please! Have you seen what I can
do with a simple silk scarf?

Okay, so after I get
the tailgate down,

Angelica,
you call Reject,

and the others
will follow him out.

Chuckie, round 'em up!

Done.

( tailgate slams )

( shouting wildly in Spanish )

Mi nombre es Enrique.

¡Mi cerebro es muy malo!

¡Enfermo!

Oy... mi pobre esposa,

lo siento.

Oy, mi amore...

¡el doctor stúpido!

¡Los hospitales
me causan ahogar!

( air hissing )

What the...?!

Reject! Mama's here!

( squawking )

Yee-haw!

Get along, little dogies!

I always wanted to say that.

( rustlers shouting angrily )

( all shouting )

( engine revving )

( blows )

( Ella mooing )

( bellows abruptly )

( rustler grunts )

And calling you
that "old milk bag"
earlier--

I take it back.

( Ella moos )

Whoo-hoo!

We just survived
our first ambush!

And they're not even dusty.

For the first time in my life,
my teacher won't fall asleep

reading my "What I Did on
My Summer Vacation" essay.

You know, I didn't just play
Enrique; I was Enrique.

And it's all because
of you, Tommy.

Well, I had some friends
to help me out.

Now, let's get
these birds home.

I think we've had enough
adventure for one day.

( thunder rolling )

( wind whistling )

( ostriches squawking )

( squawking )

( thunder crashing )

( rumbling )

What are we going to do?

The ostriches won't
cross the river.

Well, we can't go back
the other way;

the rustlers will get us.

There's a way out of this,
I just know it.

Just... just give me
a minute to think.

No pressure, Tommy,
but it'd be better

if you could figure it out in
the next, oh, five, six seconds.

TOMMY:
All we need is for one of them,
just one to cross

and the rest will follow.

How are you going
to do that, bro?

ANGELICA:
What are you doing?

You can barely control a horse!

You're going
to ride him?

Are you whacked?

No, I saw it on TV.

Oh...!

I can't watch.

( Tommy grunting )

( ostriches squawking )

( others cheering )

And our moms say
we're wasting our time

watching television.

ANGELICA:
Reject?

Reject!

( squawking )

( gasps )

Oh, you poor baby!

Mommy's here.

( smacking kisses )

Don't you ever scare me
like again

or I'm putting you
in time-out chair.

ANGELICA:
Is my sweet

little Reject okay?

Yes, him is.

Him's dirty, but him's okay.

I think I liked it better
when she wanted to eat him.

DIL:
Okay, Lil,

let's go.

You guys go on ahead.

I'll catch up in a few.

( giggling )

Yeah, I knew she'd crack
sooner or later.

Mud is in our blood.

That's enough, Lil.

Get out of the mud.

( whining ):
Oh... five more minutes.

( laughing crazily )

Let go!

I want to play in the mud!

Dil gets to play in the mud!

Why can't I play in the mud?

You guys are so mean!

KIMI:
That's Tiny's truck!

We made it!

Yee-hoo!

Yee-haw!

ALL:
Yee-haw!

You did it, Tommy.

Congratulations.

You guys did it.

I just told you what to do.

I'm still a pretty lousy cowboy.

Yeah, but you're a great leader.

And I knew you'd pull it off.

No, you didn't.

No, I didn't.

( both laughing )

( whinnying )

How about we show
them a big finish
now, partner?

( grunting )

( Tommy shouting )

Well, I'll be
a horse's behind.

I don't know how
you kids done it,

but you done it
all right.

When you're in a pickle,
you can always count
on a Pickle.

Gee, Lou, even though
you've said that
about 6,000 times,

I never get tired
of hearing it.

Here you go, old man.

Thanks, squirt.

That was the easiest money
I ever made.

You bet on us making it?

Never had a doubt.

( fire crackling )

CHUCKIE:
And then we used
our spurs

to blow out their tires,

so when they tried
to drive off...

They couldn't.

It was a textbook plan.

And it was all
Tommy's idea.

Oh, yeah--
we never would have

made it back without Tommy.

Kimi, I am
totally serious.

This is the best meal
I have ever had in my life.

What's the secret ingredient?

Come on, you can tell Tiny!

I learned you
everything you know.

Sorry, serious chefs like myself
take our secrets to the grave.

Oh, all right.

( whispering ):
I used tofu in
the barbecue sauce.

Tofu?

Genius.

You're a genius.

( Ella moos )

( mooing angrily )

Chill-lax, Ella.

It's a veggie burger.

After all we've been through,
you think I'd do that to you?

( Emma mooing )

Just so you know,
I don't do this very often,

but I want to... uh...

( sighs )

apologize.

( sighs )

I was a little harsh.

I don't want you to think
I don't like you.

You're a very
cool dude.

And I'd like you to have
something to remember me by,

since this was one of
the best summers of my life.

You know how prim home--
my mothe

( squawks softly )

( sniffling )

crickets chirping )

( muffled soap opera music
playing )

( Dil clears throat )

I'm begging you, son,
please don't tell anybody.

I got a reputation
around these parts.

Here's how it's going
to go down.

I won't go public if
you tell me every little detail

of what happened
to Enrique.

I can do you one better.

I taped every show.

So, what happened?

Did Enrique survive
the surgery?

Good news:
Enrique's brain works.

Bad news: He thinks
he's his sister, Rosita.

( theme music playing )

Mi nombre es Rosita.

( gasps )

¿Es la verdad?

Sí...

Sí.

TOMMY:
I never thought
I'd be saying this,

but I wish we didn't have
to leave tomorrow.

You were right.

This is the summer
we'll always remember.

TOMMY:
For you it was,
definitely.

You know, Chuckie,
you could be a real cowboy.

I know-- isn't that crazy?

Mr. Allergy finds out
he can rope, ride
and wrangle.

And they're all useless
back home.

( sighs )

( sighs )

( playing sad tune )

TOMMY:
Be straight with me.

You've played the harmonica
before, right?

TOMMY:
Okay, don't tell me.

What do I care?

( continues playing )

Just say "yes" or "no."

Before last week,
have you ever put

a harmonica
to your mouth?

( continues playing )

TOMMY:
Chuckie!

ANGELICA:
You're an ostrich?

I've had an ostrich
sleeping on my bed?