All Grown Up! (2003–2008): Season 1, Episode 15 - Interview with a Campfire: Part 2 - full transcript
( wings fluttering )
DIL:
You're right, Bean.
Every time it seems like
we're almost there, we're not.
CHANCE:
It's almost curtain time
and half my cast isn't here.
Does anyone want to tell me
why this is happening to me?
He's here.
Who?
His uncle's cousin's friend
who walks dogs
for a casting director!
But what'll I do
without the rest of my actors?
Oh, my play is ruined.
All my hopes, my dreams,
dashed against the rocks
like a wayward clam.
Oh, wait-- I'll recast.
Duh!
Drew-- you play the first
settler to disappear.
Kimi, you are the second.
And I guess
I'll play Smithy Spencer.
Yeah, I didn't see that coming.
( crack )
( all gasp )
( wings fluttering )
Wouldn't it be weird if we
went missing like the settlers?
Or, option two,
we run into
brain-sucking pioneers
and spend the rest
of our lives as zombies.
( hooting )
I'm ready
to go back now.
But we're almost there--
for real this time.
I, Eliza Lockhart, decree
that it is indeed
another fine day
in this little town
we call New Yorkshire.
It's been cloudy and cold
for six weeks in a row.
Makes a feller wish
he was in California.
♪ Go pack your bags
and grab your mules ♪
♪ You're all invited,
let's carpool ♪
♪ If you stay behind,
you'll feel a fool ♪
BOTH:
♪ California or bust! ♪
SUSIE:
♪ Can't wait
for terra incognita ♪
♪ But don't forget
to wipe your feeta ♪
♪ These golden shores,
they could be neata ♪
♪ California or bust! ♪
♪ Let's blaze a trail
across the land ♪
♪ Won't stop till we see sun ♪
♪ And if we're low on firewood ♪
♪ We'll burn dried bison dung ♪
♪ Go West, young girls,
and don't look back now ♪
♪ I'm on my way, sir,
after thou ♪
♪ Anyone mind if
I bring my cow? ♪
♪ California or bust! ♪
We'll be right back
after we gather...
food, water and firewood.
And don't go a-eating
all the berries
while we're gone--
I counted 'em.
What are we supposed to do
while they're gone?
I'm bored.
( grunting
and groaning )
We can play hangman.
( grunts )
Or look for shooting stars.
Or...
( coughing )
No!
We can't do anything!
♪ Don't move a muscle ♪
♪ Don't talk and don't breathe ♪
♪ 'Cause you know and I know
where all of that leads ♪
♪ You're asking for trouble
if you're stealing glances ♪
♪ Just don't do anything ♪
♪ 'Cause everything
leads to dancin' ♪
CHORUS:
♪ Hi-ho, hi-hee-hee ♪
♪ Tra-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Bada-bum, bada-bee-dee ♪
♪ Ba-bay-bay, bo-baa ♪
♪ If you hear the music,
don't walk, run away ♪
♪ Put wool in your ear holes,
my Mama would say ♪
♪ Of course she was crazy,
still I won't take chances ♪
♪ Just don't do anything ♪
♪ 'Cause everything
leads to dancin'. ♪
( snoring )
( snoring )
Oh, I get it.
He went missing.
Thanks for clearing
that up for me.
( yawns loudly,
resumes snoring )
KIDS:
Whoa.
If only this rock
could talk.
The things
he'd say.
You were wrong, Stu.
This baby
puts my forehead to shame.
Stu?
Uh, where's Dad?
Smithy Spencer went missing.
( echo ):
Missing... missing... missing.
( all shouting )
TOMMY:
Well, where is he?
Do you know
what this means?
Our dad is the first victim
of the brain-sucking pioneers.
( gasps )
Awesome.
( all scream )
I'm sorry I doubted
you guys before.
But now I'm definitely
a believer!
Why are
you yelling?!
In scary movies,
the non-believers
are the first ones to go.
Oh, to be young and
ridiculously naive.
Stu felt guilty about
bailing on Chance,
so he went back
to the show.
Of course he did.
And we should do
the same.
Now-- right now!
If he did go back,
why didn't he say good-bye?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe he didn't know
how to say it in Old English.
I'm not leaving
until we find my dad.
Oh, all right, I'll play along.
Stu, where are you?
If you're already a zombie,
cough twice.
TOMMY:
Uh... this is
what we'll do.
Split into groups and search
the woods near the rock.
We have to find him
before it's too late.
Too late
for what?
ALL:
Don't never got
no brain or nothin'.
There's no sign
of Smithy Spencer.
Or... ( spits )
our horse-covered wagon.
Are you saying Smithy Spencer
stole Julie, the horse,
and made his way west
to the land of sun
and raining oranges...
leaving us without food
or water or even, um....
something that starts
with an "N"?
( whispers ):
Sing!
( clears throat )
♪ There never was a horse
as fine as she ♪
♪ Bought her off
a sailor... man, tax free ♪
♪ On his way to
the glue factory ♪
♪ But she was
rejected, lucky me ♪
You-- go!
Huh?
Sing!
♪ Miss Julie, oh, Julie ♪
♪ I'm missing you so ♪
♪ I never thought
you'd be apart from me ♪
♪ As friends go,
we two are simpatico ♪
♪ You left me
with nothing but memories ♪
♪ You left me with nothing
but memories. ♪
( applause )
Huh?
( applause )
Wrap it up, Carmichael.
Oh, where art thou,
town physician/barber?
Town idiot savant,
is that you?
( audience gasps )
Stu! Oh, Stu!
Don't wear yourself out,
Charlotte.
What?
I had to stay
by the big, bad rock
in case he was
"drawn" back to it.
Did you hear that?
What?
Shh.
I didn't...
Shh!
That's running water.
Underground hot springs,
come to Mama!
She's a sitting duck.
Can you say
victim number two?
You know
what comes next.
ALL:
Don't never got
no brain or nothin'.
Charlotte!
I'm ordering you
to stay with the groupeth!
Dad!
Dad!
Aunt Charlotte! Stu!
CHUCKIE:
No!
They're picking us off
like flies.
Those pioneers
are going to get us all, Tommy.
They're going
to get us all!
Don't go agro on us, Chuckie.
If we start to panic,
it's going to get bad.
Oh, right-- because
I thought it was bad now!
( bush rattles )
( screams )
You were right, bro.
That rock has
a hold over us.
( Chuckie screams )
I know we're in the middle
of a crisis here,
possibly on our way
to permanent zombification,
but I think
it's important to note
climbing is a skill,
a talent.
Yes, it is.
But not that impressive
when you take into account
I was running from a deer!
( sighs )
( shouts, grunts )
It's a journal.
No, nothing broken.
Thanks for asking.
( blows air )
"Property of Deborah Mae Lou,
surviving member of
the Everwood settlers-- 1872."
LIL:
"Winter is upon us
"and I fear the worst
for those lost.
"Today the physician/
barber was declared missing,
"the third to go.
"His disappearance
remains a mystery
"and with our brains
half frozen,
one too complex
for us to solve."
The first brain freeze.
"I waved to him
as he fetched water
"from the old oak tree
by the man-faced rock.
"He will be
deeply missed,
though not necessarily
for his accordion playing."
"And I regret this
is my last entry
as my fingers are fro..."
What's "fro"?
Fro-zen.
Where you going?
Didn't you notice
the similarity
between
the disappearances?
All three settlers went missing
after getting water
by the big oak tree
at the base of that rock.
Yeah, well,
that rock is bad news.
Face it-- we're
all going to fro.
No-- there might be a logical
explanation for all this.
I don't think this
is a good idea.
I've seen enough
scary movies to know
we're walking into
the belly of the beast!
Phil's right.
Which means I can't
stop taping now.
What's the matter, Tommy?
TOMMY:
Do you realize
three people are missing,
and I'm still shooting my movie?
My dad disappeared,
and I'm worried about
getting enough coverage.
What is wrong with me?
You care more
about your movie
than the lives
of your friends and family.
Philip!
He's right.
I risked our lives
because I'm... obsessed!
And if I'm like this as a kid,
imagine how I'm going to be
when I'm old.
I'll be trading
my own mother
for a mini-DV
with an instant replay feature.
Blame it
on the rock, bro.
Worked for me.
No, this is my deal.
Chuckie, I want you to take
Roman and destroy him.
Uh, Tommy,
you're still recording.
See what I mean?
I'm out of control!
Smash it!
Smash it to smithereens!
Wait! If we never come back,
this'll be the only record
of what happened to us.
You have to keep
shooting, Tommy.
But I already
destroyed it.
Actually, there's
not a mark on it.
Oh, I can't even
wreck things right.
Ha-ha, lucky for me.
Come on, Chuckie,
lead the way.
What are we supposed
to be looking for?
I'm not sure.
( all yell )
Run!
I'm not saying
a word.
Shelly!
Ow!
( groans )
Be careful,
Chuckie.
ALL ( screaming ):
Chuckie!
How did that just happen?
He went missing
right in front of us.
CHUCKIE:
I didn't go missing!
Chuckie?
CHUCKIE:
Still not missing!
Whoa.
If I let go, will I fall
into a black hole or wormhole
or a pile of snakes?
No. No. Not sure
about the last one.
( crack )
( screams )
It's an underground tunnel.
I'm going in.
You do know
if we go in
we may never
come out.
DIL:
I can't believe I'm here--
an actual alien lab
transport system.
No, Dil, it's
a mine shaft.
Probably used to move gold
during the gold rush.
There may be
dozens,
even hundreds
of these tunnels
under the woods.
Which makes me think
everyone who went missing
probably fell into one of them.
Oh, yeah, right.
And the brain-sucking pioneers
had nothing to do with it.
Is fire-engine red
a natural eye color?
Funny-- I thought
his eyes were blue.
No offense, Dil,
but there's something
strange about that guy.
I know.
Isn't he great?
( squeaks )
LIL:
It's getting
really cold.
DIL:
We all know what that means.
It starts with a "G-H"
and ends with an "ost."
PHIL:
How long before
we can turn around?
I just hope we'll be able
to find our way out when we do.
Oh, we will.
I marked the wall.
It's an old miner's trick.
Miners tracked
their way
using bunnies?
It's the only thing
I know how to draw.
( muffled voices )
I just heard
people talking.
Or zombies.
Or zombies?
( muffled voices )
We've got to check it out.
Bye, Mom, Grandpa.
I'd say good-bye to you, Dad,
but you may already be a zombie,
in which case this would
all go right over your head.
Anyway, if I don't
make it out alive,
this movie will be my swan song,
so please,
honor my final request
and show it in letterbox.
( grunts )
It won't budge.
What's in here, rocks?
( kids screaming )
Kids?!
Dad?
Dad?
Stu?
Stu?
Well, it's about time.
We thought
you went missing.
Nothing that eventful.
We just fell
through a mine shaft.
Dad, why were you
playing cards
instead of trying
to get out of here?
We were trying until we got
trapped behind this cart.
It's a miracle you
were able to move it.
But more importantly,
how'd you find us?
Chuckie.
And a little help
from this.
After reading
the journal,
I suspected
the same thing
that happened
to the missing settlers
happened to you.
Except for the getting snowed in
and freezing to death
in the middle
of a poker game part.
May I seeth it?
No way.
TOMMY:
What is it, Dil?
What's wrong?
It's a picture
of the Everwood
settlers.
So?
DIL:
Back row.
Third guy from the left.
It's Bean!
Bean's a ghost?
( screaming )
Wasn't... he... with you?
LIL:
He's gone!
DIL:
Now that the mystery's solved,
the brain-sucking pioneers
can finally rest in peace.
Good! Now let's
get out of here!
Follow the bunnies!
STU:
Charlotte, you're going
to have to pick up the pace
or we'll miss the whole show.
Tough toenails.
Literally.
I refused to wear those
hideous pioneer boots
and now I'm paying for it.
Now that everyone's safe,
I've got to say...
my horror movie
is genius!
I've got real, live
skeletons on tape and a ghost.
Oh, wait--
do ghosts show up on video?
Seriously,
how many people can say
their best friend is a ghost?
Don't know--
six, maybe seven, tops.
( horse whinnies )
( whinnies )
( all gasp )
ELLIE:
Get back here,
you good-for-nothing horse!
( all sigh )
Oh, I don't know, Ellie.
I think that horse just might be
good for something.
( audience yawning and snoring )
I guess we'll never
know what happened
to the settlers
who went missing.
This underground hot springs
sure was a good... find.
If only our friends
were here to see it.
Oh! The real missing
settlers are back.
( audience exclaims )
Yes, we're back,
but only in spirit.
When we went to look
for food and water,
we felleth down
an old mine shaft.
Then winter came.
Ooooh....
And a harsh winter she was.
We got trapped underground,
entertaining ourselves
by playing cards.
And then it was so cold
our fingers froze,
and we could play no more.
( upbeat tune begins )
♪ When I left East
back in the day ♪
♪ They promised paradise ♪
♪ I bought their bunk
hook, line and sinker ♪
♪ Now I pay the price ♪
SUSIE:
♪ They spake of land
stretched far and wide ♪
♪ But it ain't
like the brochure ♪
♪ The streets they said
were paved with gold ♪
♪ Are paved with horse manure ♪
♪ That winter morn my pa told me
it's one of them day trips ♪
♪ Three years later,
we're still walking ♪
♪ What's next, apocalypse? ♪
ALL:
♪ Are you gonna
go westward, no! ♪
♪ Just plant your feet
and don't look forward ♪
♪ Because the West is lame,
you know ♪
♪ Are you gonna go westward? ♪
♪ Gonna go westward ♪
♪ Gonna go westward, no! ♪
( applause )
Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo!
That... that's him.
Oh, he loved the show,
he loved the show!
Tonight, Camp Everwood,
tomorrow...
GIRLS:
Off-off-Broadway!
Maybe we'll come
back next year.
Not happening.
( coughing )
Show's over, honey.
You can stop coughing.
Actually, I can't.
I think I caught
something.
( coughing )
My hat!
Aw, you keep it
as a souvenir, Shell.
You've already given me plenty.
Ouch.
♪ You left me with nothing
but memories ♪
♪ You left me with
nothing but memories. ♪
Tone-deaf, huh?
Honestly, Betty, there
are a million things
you can do better
than I can.
Can we have your autograph?
Anything for my fans.
Not yours, kid.
Hers.
Oh, I thought you were
absolutely brilliant.
And if you ever come
to New York,
don't hesitate
to call this number.
Read it and weep,
Carmichael.
That guy just
gave me the number
of his casting
director friend.
"Todd Rorbacher,
dog walker."
( chuckling )
( screams )
BETTY:
Time to get on the road, folks!
TOMMY:
Did you guys happen to notice
that our cabin wasn't
freezing this morning?
Yep-- know what
that means?
Ghost's gone,
curse lifted.
Thanks to Chuckie.
I think I finally found
something I'm good at.
Really good.
Now all
you got to do is
find some other
weird, little towns
with curses
that need lifting.
( moans )
Dil, what ever happened
to your freaky
friend, Bean?
Don't never got no brain
or nothin'.
( screaming )
( Kira coughing )
DIL:
You're right, Bean.
Every time it seems like
we're almost there, we're not.
CHANCE:
It's almost curtain time
and half my cast isn't here.
Does anyone want to tell me
why this is happening to me?
He's here.
Who?
His uncle's cousin's friend
who walks dogs
for a casting director!
But what'll I do
without the rest of my actors?
Oh, my play is ruined.
All my hopes, my dreams,
dashed against the rocks
like a wayward clam.
Oh, wait-- I'll recast.
Duh!
Drew-- you play the first
settler to disappear.
Kimi, you are the second.
And I guess
I'll play Smithy Spencer.
Yeah, I didn't see that coming.
( crack )
( all gasp )
( wings fluttering )
Wouldn't it be weird if we
went missing like the settlers?
Or, option two,
we run into
brain-sucking pioneers
and spend the rest
of our lives as zombies.
( hooting )
I'm ready
to go back now.
But we're almost there--
for real this time.
I, Eliza Lockhart, decree
that it is indeed
another fine day
in this little town
we call New Yorkshire.
It's been cloudy and cold
for six weeks in a row.
Makes a feller wish
he was in California.
♪ Go pack your bags
and grab your mules ♪
♪ You're all invited,
let's carpool ♪
♪ If you stay behind,
you'll feel a fool ♪
BOTH:
♪ California or bust! ♪
SUSIE:
♪ Can't wait
for terra incognita ♪
♪ But don't forget
to wipe your feeta ♪
♪ These golden shores,
they could be neata ♪
♪ California or bust! ♪
♪ Let's blaze a trail
across the land ♪
♪ Won't stop till we see sun ♪
♪ And if we're low on firewood ♪
♪ We'll burn dried bison dung ♪
♪ Go West, young girls,
and don't look back now ♪
♪ I'm on my way, sir,
after thou ♪
♪ Anyone mind if
I bring my cow? ♪
♪ California or bust! ♪
We'll be right back
after we gather...
food, water and firewood.
And don't go a-eating
all the berries
while we're gone--
I counted 'em.
What are we supposed to do
while they're gone?
I'm bored.
( grunting
and groaning )
We can play hangman.
( grunts )
Or look for shooting stars.
Or...
( coughing )
No!
We can't do anything!
♪ Don't move a muscle ♪
♪ Don't talk and don't breathe ♪
♪ 'Cause you know and I know
where all of that leads ♪
♪ You're asking for trouble
if you're stealing glances ♪
♪ Just don't do anything ♪
♪ 'Cause everything
leads to dancin' ♪
CHORUS:
♪ Hi-ho, hi-hee-hee ♪
♪ Tra-la-la-la-la ♪
♪ Bada-bum, bada-bee-dee ♪
♪ Ba-bay-bay, bo-baa ♪
♪ If you hear the music,
don't walk, run away ♪
♪ Put wool in your ear holes,
my Mama would say ♪
♪ Of course she was crazy,
still I won't take chances ♪
♪ Just don't do anything ♪
♪ 'Cause everything
leads to dancin'. ♪
( snoring )
( snoring )
Oh, I get it.
He went missing.
Thanks for clearing
that up for me.
( yawns loudly,
resumes snoring )
KIDS:
Whoa.
If only this rock
could talk.
The things
he'd say.
You were wrong, Stu.
This baby
puts my forehead to shame.
Stu?
Uh, where's Dad?
Smithy Spencer went missing.
( echo ):
Missing... missing... missing.
( all shouting )
TOMMY:
Well, where is he?
Do you know
what this means?
Our dad is the first victim
of the brain-sucking pioneers.
( gasps )
Awesome.
( all scream )
I'm sorry I doubted
you guys before.
But now I'm definitely
a believer!
Why are
you yelling?!
In scary movies,
the non-believers
are the first ones to go.
Oh, to be young and
ridiculously naive.
Stu felt guilty about
bailing on Chance,
so he went back
to the show.
Of course he did.
And we should do
the same.
Now-- right now!
If he did go back,
why didn't he say good-bye?
Oh, I don't know.
Maybe he didn't know
how to say it in Old English.
I'm not leaving
until we find my dad.
Oh, all right, I'll play along.
Stu, where are you?
If you're already a zombie,
cough twice.
TOMMY:
Uh... this is
what we'll do.
Split into groups and search
the woods near the rock.
We have to find him
before it's too late.
Too late
for what?
ALL:
Don't never got
no brain or nothin'.
There's no sign
of Smithy Spencer.
Or... ( spits )
our horse-covered wagon.
Are you saying Smithy Spencer
stole Julie, the horse,
and made his way west
to the land of sun
and raining oranges...
leaving us without food
or water or even, um....
something that starts
with an "N"?
( whispers ):
Sing!
( clears throat )
♪ There never was a horse
as fine as she ♪
♪ Bought her off
a sailor... man, tax free ♪
♪ On his way to
the glue factory ♪
♪ But she was
rejected, lucky me ♪
You-- go!
Huh?
Sing!
♪ Miss Julie, oh, Julie ♪
♪ I'm missing you so ♪
♪ I never thought
you'd be apart from me ♪
♪ As friends go,
we two are simpatico ♪
♪ You left me
with nothing but memories ♪
♪ You left me with nothing
but memories. ♪
( applause )
Huh?
( applause )
Wrap it up, Carmichael.
Oh, where art thou,
town physician/barber?
Town idiot savant,
is that you?
( audience gasps )
Stu! Oh, Stu!
Don't wear yourself out,
Charlotte.
What?
I had to stay
by the big, bad rock
in case he was
"drawn" back to it.
Did you hear that?
What?
Shh.
I didn't...
Shh!
That's running water.
Underground hot springs,
come to Mama!
She's a sitting duck.
Can you say
victim number two?
You know
what comes next.
ALL:
Don't never got
no brain or nothin'.
Charlotte!
I'm ordering you
to stay with the groupeth!
Dad!
Dad!
Aunt Charlotte! Stu!
CHUCKIE:
No!
They're picking us off
like flies.
Those pioneers
are going to get us all, Tommy.
They're going
to get us all!
Don't go agro on us, Chuckie.
If we start to panic,
it's going to get bad.
Oh, right-- because
I thought it was bad now!
( bush rattles )
( screams )
You were right, bro.
That rock has
a hold over us.
( Chuckie screams )
I know we're in the middle
of a crisis here,
possibly on our way
to permanent zombification,
but I think
it's important to note
climbing is a skill,
a talent.
Yes, it is.
But not that impressive
when you take into account
I was running from a deer!
( sighs )
( shouts, grunts )
It's a journal.
No, nothing broken.
Thanks for asking.
( blows air )
"Property of Deborah Mae Lou,
surviving member of
the Everwood settlers-- 1872."
LIL:
"Winter is upon us
"and I fear the worst
for those lost.
"Today the physician/
barber was declared missing,
"the third to go.
"His disappearance
remains a mystery
"and with our brains
half frozen,
one too complex
for us to solve."
The first brain freeze.
"I waved to him
as he fetched water
"from the old oak tree
by the man-faced rock.
"He will be
deeply missed,
though not necessarily
for his accordion playing."
"And I regret this
is my last entry
as my fingers are fro..."
What's "fro"?
Fro-zen.
Where you going?
Didn't you notice
the similarity
between
the disappearances?
All three settlers went missing
after getting water
by the big oak tree
at the base of that rock.
Yeah, well,
that rock is bad news.
Face it-- we're
all going to fro.
No-- there might be a logical
explanation for all this.
I don't think this
is a good idea.
I've seen enough
scary movies to know
we're walking into
the belly of the beast!
Phil's right.
Which means I can't
stop taping now.
What's the matter, Tommy?
TOMMY:
Do you realize
three people are missing,
and I'm still shooting my movie?
My dad disappeared,
and I'm worried about
getting enough coverage.
What is wrong with me?
You care more
about your movie
than the lives
of your friends and family.
Philip!
He's right.
I risked our lives
because I'm... obsessed!
And if I'm like this as a kid,
imagine how I'm going to be
when I'm old.
I'll be trading
my own mother
for a mini-DV
with an instant replay feature.
Blame it
on the rock, bro.
Worked for me.
No, this is my deal.
Chuckie, I want you to take
Roman and destroy him.
Uh, Tommy,
you're still recording.
See what I mean?
I'm out of control!
Smash it!
Smash it to smithereens!
Wait! If we never come back,
this'll be the only record
of what happened to us.
You have to keep
shooting, Tommy.
But I already
destroyed it.
Actually, there's
not a mark on it.
Oh, I can't even
wreck things right.
Ha-ha, lucky for me.
Come on, Chuckie,
lead the way.
What are we supposed
to be looking for?
I'm not sure.
( all yell )
Run!
I'm not saying
a word.
Shelly!
Ow!
( groans )
Be careful,
Chuckie.
ALL ( screaming ):
Chuckie!
How did that just happen?
He went missing
right in front of us.
CHUCKIE:
I didn't go missing!
Chuckie?
CHUCKIE:
Still not missing!
Whoa.
If I let go, will I fall
into a black hole or wormhole
or a pile of snakes?
No. No. Not sure
about the last one.
( crack )
( screams )
It's an underground tunnel.
I'm going in.
You do know
if we go in
we may never
come out.
DIL:
I can't believe I'm here--
an actual alien lab
transport system.
No, Dil, it's
a mine shaft.
Probably used to move gold
during the gold rush.
There may be
dozens,
even hundreds
of these tunnels
under the woods.
Which makes me think
everyone who went missing
probably fell into one of them.
Oh, yeah, right.
And the brain-sucking pioneers
had nothing to do with it.
Is fire-engine red
a natural eye color?
Funny-- I thought
his eyes were blue.
No offense, Dil,
but there's something
strange about that guy.
I know.
Isn't he great?
( squeaks )
LIL:
It's getting
really cold.
DIL:
We all know what that means.
It starts with a "G-H"
and ends with an "ost."
PHIL:
How long before
we can turn around?
I just hope we'll be able
to find our way out when we do.
Oh, we will.
I marked the wall.
It's an old miner's trick.
Miners tracked
their way
using bunnies?
It's the only thing
I know how to draw.
( muffled voices )
I just heard
people talking.
Or zombies.
Or zombies?
( muffled voices )
We've got to check it out.
Bye, Mom, Grandpa.
I'd say good-bye to you, Dad,
but you may already be a zombie,
in which case this would
all go right over your head.
Anyway, if I don't
make it out alive,
this movie will be my swan song,
so please,
honor my final request
and show it in letterbox.
( grunts )
It won't budge.
What's in here, rocks?
( kids screaming )
Kids?!
Dad?
Dad?
Stu?
Stu?
Well, it's about time.
We thought
you went missing.
Nothing that eventful.
We just fell
through a mine shaft.
Dad, why were you
playing cards
instead of trying
to get out of here?
We were trying until we got
trapped behind this cart.
It's a miracle you
were able to move it.
But more importantly,
how'd you find us?
Chuckie.
And a little help
from this.
After reading
the journal,
I suspected
the same thing
that happened
to the missing settlers
happened to you.
Except for the getting snowed in
and freezing to death
in the middle
of a poker game part.
May I seeth it?
No way.
TOMMY:
What is it, Dil?
What's wrong?
It's a picture
of the Everwood
settlers.
So?
DIL:
Back row.
Third guy from the left.
It's Bean!
Bean's a ghost?
( screaming )
Wasn't... he... with you?
LIL:
He's gone!
DIL:
Now that the mystery's solved,
the brain-sucking pioneers
can finally rest in peace.
Good! Now let's
get out of here!
Follow the bunnies!
STU:
Charlotte, you're going
to have to pick up the pace
or we'll miss the whole show.
Tough toenails.
Literally.
I refused to wear those
hideous pioneer boots
and now I'm paying for it.
Now that everyone's safe,
I've got to say...
my horror movie
is genius!
I've got real, live
skeletons on tape and a ghost.
Oh, wait--
do ghosts show up on video?
Seriously,
how many people can say
their best friend is a ghost?
Don't know--
six, maybe seven, tops.
( horse whinnies )
( whinnies )
( all gasp )
ELLIE:
Get back here,
you good-for-nothing horse!
( all sigh )
Oh, I don't know, Ellie.
I think that horse just might be
good for something.
( audience yawning and snoring )
I guess we'll never
know what happened
to the settlers
who went missing.
This underground hot springs
sure was a good... find.
If only our friends
were here to see it.
Oh! The real missing
settlers are back.
( audience exclaims )
Yes, we're back,
but only in spirit.
When we went to look
for food and water,
we felleth down
an old mine shaft.
Then winter came.
Ooooh....
And a harsh winter she was.
We got trapped underground,
entertaining ourselves
by playing cards.
And then it was so cold
our fingers froze,
and we could play no more.
( upbeat tune begins )
♪ When I left East
back in the day ♪
♪ They promised paradise ♪
♪ I bought their bunk
hook, line and sinker ♪
♪ Now I pay the price ♪
SUSIE:
♪ They spake of land
stretched far and wide ♪
♪ But it ain't
like the brochure ♪
♪ The streets they said
were paved with gold ♪
♪ Are paved with horse manure ♪
♪ That winter morn my pa told me
it's one of them day trips ♪
♪ Three years later,
we're still walking ♪
♪ What's next, apocalypse? ♪
ALL:
♪ Are you gonna
go westward, no! ♪
♪ Just plant your feet
and don't look forward ♪
♪ Because the West is lame,
you know ♪
♪ Are you gonna go westward? ♪
♪ Gonna go westward ♪
♪ Gonna go westward, no! ♪
( applause )
Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo!
That... that's him.
Oh, he loved the show,
he loved the show!
Tonight, Camp Everwood,
tomorrow...
GIRLS:
Off-off-Broadway!
Maybe we'll come
back next year.
Not happening.
( coughing )
Show's over, honey.
You can stop coughing.
Actually, I can't.
I think I caught
something.
( coughing )
My hat!
Aw, you keep it
as a souvenir, Shell.
You've already given me plenty.
Ouch.
♪ You left me with nothing
but memories ♪
♪ You left me with
nothing but memories. ♪
Tone-deaf, huh?
Honestly, Betty, there
are a million things
you can do better
than I can.
Can we have your autograph?
Anything for my fans.
Not yours, kid.
Hers.
Oh, I thought you were
absolutely brilliant.
And if you ever come
to New York,
don't hesitate
to call this number.
Read it and weep,
Carmichael.
That guy just
gave me the number
of his casting
director friend.
"Todd Rorbacher,
dog walker."
( chuckling )
( screams )
BETTY:
Time to get on the road, folks!
TOMMY:
Did you guys happen to notice
that our cabin wasn't
freezing this morning?
Yep-- know what
that means?
Ghost's gone,
curse lifted.
Thanks to Chuckie.
I think I finally found
something I'm good at.
Really good.
Now all
you got to do is
find some other
weird, little towns
with curses
that need lifting.
( moans )
Dil, what ever happened
to your freaky
friend, Bean?
Don't never got no brain
or nothin'.
( screaming )
( Kira coughing )