Alias Smith and Jones (1971–1973): Season 2, Episode 16 - The McCreedy Bust: Going, Going, Gone - full transcript

Are you gonna talk to me or not?

What's there to talk about?

Every time I tell you what's
bothering me, you think I'm crazy.

All right, I apologize.

What's bothering you?

You know what's bothering me:
This job McCreedy's got for us.

I just can't get out of my head I think
it's the same job we already turned down.

Getting that doggone
Caesar statue back for him!

How could it possibly be the same job?

I mean, just looked at it logically.

He offered us 50,000, and we told him
we weren't interested, right?



You think, he's bringing us
all the way back in Red Rock

for a job we already turned down?

It's just plain ridiculous, that's all!

See what I mean?
You think I'm crazy.

What's this?

You Smith and Jones?

Yeah.
What about it?

We're from Big Mac McCreedy.

He sent us to escort you into Red Rock.

Escort us?

What for?

Well, 've been a little
trouble around here lately,

what with the feud between
Mac and that Armendariz.

Seems the Mexican's gettin' worried that



McCreedy's gonna try
and get that head back.

Get the head back?

Does this have anything to do
with that job Big Mac has for us?

Well, sure!

Look, make believe you never saw us!

Yeah - just tell him
it was two other fellas!

Hold it, boys!

Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry

The two most successful outlaws
in the history of the West

and in all the trains and banks
they robbed they never shot anyone.

This made our two latter-day
Robin Hoods very popular

with everyone
but the railroads and the banks.

There's one thing
we gotta get, Heyes.

What's that?

Out of this business.

The governor can't come flat out
and give you amnesty now

first you gotta prove you deserve it.

So, all we've got to do is
just stay out of trouble

until the governor figures
we deserve amnesty?

But in the meantime
we'll still be wanted?

Well, that's true

until then only you me and
the governor will know about it.

It'll be our secret.

That's a good deal?

I sure wish the governor let
a few more people in our secret.

Big Mac, you've got to be out of your mind!

Ah but boys, it's not gonna be
like it was the first time!

You see, I'm rounding up 30 men!

30 men will be around that Hacienda

and you'll be in there cracking a safe!

Oh great!
Why ain't you invite the whole town?

Yeah - how about selling tickets to it?

What's the matter?

30 men is the matter!

I mean, we don't want 30 men
to know we opened that safe!

Ah now boys -

do you don't have to worry about that.

I know who you are.

Sure, you do.

I'm Joshua Smith and he's Thaddeus Jones.

Yeah and I'm Christopher Columbus.

But I tell you who I'm not.

I'm not Kid Curry

and I'm not Hannibal Heyes.

Did you know that before, Mac?

No, but after you left town

the sheriff he showed me the flyers on you.

Oh by the way,
in case you run into the sheriff,

you're my nephew.

Well, look, Uncle Mac,

he ain't gonna run into this sheriff,
'cause we're not gonna do it!

Too many people can put it together
just like the sheriff did.

I'll tell you what we'll do though.

You want that bust of Caesar so bad,

we'll you show you how to do it.

You pick out somebody with some brains,
and I'll teach you how to blow the safe.

Blow it?!
That will destroy the bust!

No, not the way I'll show him.

Well, all right,
if you say so.

But...but you know,
I still got another job for you -

of course it don't pay
quite as much as the other one.

How much does it pay?

500.

Apiece?

400 apiece.

Good.
How do we earn it?

There are two very
important parts of this operation.

One is getting the safe open,

and the other is getting
that head to San Francisco,

where I'm going to sell it
at Appleby's.

Sell it?
How come?

Because I want to get rid of that thing
and get my money back

and settle this thing once and for all

before Armendariz and I end up
killing each other over it.

Amen.
Mac, now you're talking.

I'll meet you boys in San Francisco

just this side the Golden Gate.

Three of you includin' Caesar

I'll be there so don't be late.

So don't be late.

So don't be late.

I'll be there so don't be late.

The three of you includin' Caesar

I'll be there so don't be late.

What I plan to do after we get the bust

is have my men split up into 10 groups,

3 men apiece going 10 different ways -

and Armendariz is
gonna have to follow all of it.

Now 3 of my men will go past a town

100 miles west of here -

place called West Bend -

a quiet little farming town.

There's an abandoned well
a few miles outside -

I'll show you on a map.

Now these men will have the head

and they're going to hide it down that well

at the end of a rope.

And that's where you come in.

I want you boys to go to West Bend,

and every morning go out and check that well

to see if the heads there.

That means every morning,

because I don't know exactly
when we'll pull this thing off.

It depends on whether
Armendariz is layin' for us or not.

So, it may be a week or maybe two.

But wait there until it comes.

Then I want you to get it

and take it to Applebee's in San Francisco,

and I'll meet you there.

But, boys, I'm depending on you.

Now stay out of trouble and just
sit there until that head arrives.

If anything happens to you,
the whole operation collapses.

All right, Mac.

We'll be as innocent as newborn babes.

You say that's a nice peaceable town?

Absolutely.

Who's that?

That was humanity at its finest...

Another glorious example of
men on earth among his brethren.

How's that?

Those stalwart and righteous lovers of God,

that you see, gentlemen,
are from the Running W ranch.

They ride in a week
before election day with great

subtlety and tact,
as you can see.

And they will saturate themselves and then

they will leave.

Oh, 2 or 3 will stay behind,
including one Joe Briggs,

who's the foreman out there.

Except

that he's not really a foreman -

he's a gunman.

And a deadly one, too.
So beware.

Of what?
What do they do?

They just stare.
They stare at the farmers who come in.

And with nary a word, mind you,
they let the poor farmers know that

if they dare vote on election day
something dreadful will happen.

Yeah, well, thanks, mister.

Yeah, my pleasure.

I guess we might as well go over
and make friends with them...

These cowpokes didn't look
too friendly to me.

Can't just sit in our room
all the time, Kid.

Come on -

before they think we're a couple of
sodbusters

and start staring at us.

I dunno, Heyes.

You know, Mac said to stay out of trouble.

Well, that's what we're gonna do.

Sit down with 'em
play a little poker, that's all.

So, everything can be nice and peaceful.

We'll let 'em win a few hands.

They'll love us to death.
Come on.

Howdy.

Howdy, folks.

You got room for two more?

Sure -
if you brought your money.

Those two strangers - who are they?

What two strangers?

Didn't you notice 'em?

No, I...

You didn't notice 'em, huh.

Now, what's the matter, Joe?

It looked like a couple of gunmen,
that's what's the matter!

They wear their guns tied down!

If they were from the Bar J

or the Split T, I would have heard about it.

So now, maybe they're from the sodbusters!

Maybe the farm boys are gonna get
a little lively this year.

I guess I better go do something about it.

No, you won't.

You just go back to your little cubbyhole.

And if they're still here tomorrow -
I'll do something about it.

Hey, you two -

hold it right there!

What do you mean, hold it right there?

Just what I said.

I want to talk to you.

Well, fine we're on our way in for a beer
we can talk over a beer.

No, we won't talk over a beer.
We'll talk right here.

Where'd you boys go this morning?

I noticed you were riding out
towards sodbuster country.

You out talking to the rustlers, maybe?
The nesters?

I don't know what
business it is of yours, mister,

but if you must know,
we went out to exercise our horses.

That's right.

What are you boys doing here in town?

Oh, just resting up.

Just got through with a pretty rough job.

What kind of job?
Ranch job?

Yeah - ranch job.

You know, you don't look
like ranch boys to me.

You know what I think?

I think you've been hired by the sodbusters

to maybe give us a little trouble here.

Is that right?

No, no, not at all, mister...

Briggs.
Joe Briggs.

Well, Mr. Briggs -
we weren't hired by any sodbusters.

We'll be hanging around town
a few more days just to take it easy.

Then we'll be moving on.

All right, boys.
I believe you, if that's the truth.

So, I'll tell you how you can prove it.

Now tomorrow when I see you I don't
want you to be wearing those guns -

because if you don't
work for the sodbusters,

why you don't need guns in this town.

Understand?

So like I said,
I see you tomorrow -

I don't want you to be wearing
those things around you,

like you intend to use them.

'Cause I'll be watching.

That's all, boys.

Who does he think he is?

He knows who he is.

And now we do, too.

All right, I'm sorry!

I forgot!
I forgot about breakfast?!

How could you forget about breakfast?

You work out all the details!

Up at the crack of dawn!
No sleep!

After the well in back before
anyone can see us on the streets!

And then you forget we gotta
go out have breakfast anyway!

But it's brilliant!
That's real brilliant!

We could have slept 5 more hours,
gone down to have breakfast

and then gone out to the well.

All right, crucify me - go ahead!
Go ahead!

Does it make you feel better?

Anybody can forget
a little thing like breakfast!

What are you doing now?

Going down to have breakfast.

What are you putting that on for?

I always put it on.

What do you expect to find on there?

Coyotes in the lobby?

Or wolves in the dining room, maybe?

You heard what the fella said.

Yeah, I heard what he said...

You also heard what Big Mac said, too.

Not to mention what Lom Trevors said
and what the governor said.

They all said one thing:
Stay out of trouble.

And that's trouble!

Look, Heyes...

I told you when we started
trying for amnesty

then maybe we ought to split up
and go for it on our own.

Because you'd probably make it
and I wouldn't.

I'm just too naturally stubborn.

I cannot go out into that street
without this gun

just because somebody told me
I can't wear it.

It'd like going out there
without my clothes on. I'd feel naked.

And I'd sure hate
to be out there if that fella Briggs

is gonna be looking for trouble with us.

Well now, that's just the point!

He's not gonna be looking for trouble if
you're not wearing your gun!

You don't know that!

You comin'?

Look, this is too important.
Now, we got a job to do.

I'm not gonna let you take
one step outside this door

while you're wearing that thing!

I'm not gonna leave it here!

I'm warning you, Kid.

If you make one move
out this door with that gun on,

and I'm gonna flatten you!

You're gonna what?

Flatten you.

Before breakfast?!

Heyes, I'm too hungry to argue with you.

But I'll make you a promise.

No matter what that fella says to me,

I will not lose my temper.

I will not draw on him.

I will be just as meek as a mouse.

How is that?

But I'm gonna take this gun -

just in case being a mouse
doesn't exactly influence him.

What kind of a promise is that?

It's a solemn promise.

You got my word.

You haven't seen him in the cafe,
I figure you're lucky enough.

Now we got to come into the bar...

Good morning.

Morning...

What's that hanging on your leg there?

That's my gun
hanging on my leg there.

So, I see.

I told you boys

you could hang around town
if you didn't wear your guns.

Now your friend here
he seems to be a sensible man.

He didn't have to be told twice.

But it looks like you're
not as sensible as he is.

So suppose you turn around
and go back over to the hotel

and come out again without the gun.

Mr. Briggs,

I really am sorry about this.

But there's something I gotta tell you.

I've been wearing this gun so long that

without it I -

I limb.

Is that so?

Well, that's all right,
I'll let you limp.

Fact is, I'll even give you a crutch.

That ought to take care of it.

Well, it's...
it's not only that.

It's...it's...kind of...like

I don't feel like I have my pants on
without my gun.

Man to man, I figured you'd understand that.

Well, I'm not telling you
to take your pants off, friend -

just the gun.

And I don't want to spend
all day about it either.

So, you just go back over there
and take it off.

Mr. Briggs, it's really...
here it's...

it's really kind of silly
we can't work this thing out.

It's like I told you,
we don't work for the sodbusters.

And I don't really intend to use this gun.

It's just that I don't...

like somebody
telling me I can't wear it.

But you can be dead sure
that we're not interested

in whatever fights your fellas
are having around here.

We're really just
passing through, that's all.

Well,

maybe I was wrong at that.

You sound like a reasonable man.

But you're a little stubborn
about the gun, though,

but I'm glad you explained that to me.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

You do a little jig for me,

and I'll let you wear that gun.

I don't know how to jig...

Oh, he sure don't.

He'd fall right out on his face.

He's the clumsiest man
you ever saw, Mr. Briggs.

He can hardly get on his horse right.

Well, it doesn't have to be a very good jig.

Just a little jig.

Just for me.

How about it friend?

You know this town could
use a little entertainment

And we're not very particular.

Well, I didn't know
you wanted me to do a jig that bad.

You sure you...won't mind
if it's not too good?

Just do the jig.

Hey, that's real good.

That's...
that's better I thought it'd be.

I tell you what,
you just keep practicing that -

and when you want us to see it again
you let me know.

If that bust isn't in the well
by tomorrow morning,

I think we're gonna have to forget this job.

Take it easy, Kid.

You know we can't do that

and let Mac down.

If we ride off and leave that head
there in the well anybody can find it.

We can't do that to Mac.

I'm telling you, Heyes,

it better be there tomorrow morning.

Would you gentlemen mind
if I sit down and ask you a question?

No, go ahead.

I...

I watched that spectacle.

And specifically, I watched your face.

You weren't afraid, were you?

Not for a moment
did I see fear in your face.

It was extraordinary!
In fact,

I think he was more afraid than you were.

Well, now,
I wouldn't go so far as to say that.

Me either.

Oh, but I tell you he was!
I sensed, it I saw it

But with you...

there was never a sign of it.

And yet...
you never...

you never tried to draw your gun.

You kept trying to be...

conciliatory.

What I'm...

what I'm really trying to say is -

you turned the other cheek,

didn't you?

And then I'd like to ask you

why you did that.

Yes, I'm just -

a peaceable man.

Wrong way...

That's what he is.

Big dogs just lick his hand -
you never seen anything like it.

But there must be more to it than that.

I've never seen a man react the way you did.

I've seen men who were afraid

and complied with the situation -

but that wasn't you.

And I've seen men who

were afraid and tried to kill!

And I've seen others who

weren't afraid and still tried to kill!

They answered violence with violence.

But you were not afraid,

and you didn't answer
violence with violence.

And I'm sure that there must be some

philosophical
reasons behind that.

Is there?

I'm not much of a philosopher.

Just kind of take things as they come.

Actually, Mr. Jones here is too modest.

The truth is he...
he is a philosopher.

A sort of the people's philosopher -
home grown - if you know what I mean.

He hasn't read much -

maybe Tom Sawyer 3 or 4 times is all - but

to bet hard he...
he really is a philosopher.

Just that he can't
express himself very well,

he's somewhat inarticulate -

might even say stupid.

My name's Spencer.

I am Thaddeus Jones.

I'm Joshua Smith.

And I'm the town drunk...

Gentlemen, I'd like to buy you a drink...

or two.

So don't be late.

So don't be late.

I'll be there, so don't be late.

Don't look now -
but somebody's following us.

Yeah. I'm spotted him myself
about 5 or 10 minutes ago.

Who you suppose he is?

Oh, I think we gotta find out.

There's a bend up ahead

why don't we just let him introduce himself?

All right, friend,
hold it right there!

Now take it easy fella -
I'm looking for no trouble.

Neither are we.

But we're not following you -

you're following us.
What for?

I got my orders.

What kind of orders?

Now follow you...
to see what you're up to.

Briggs is the one who told me.

What's your name?

Seth Griffin.

All right, Seth.
Put down your hands.

We'll show you where we're going.

You'll show me?

Sure.
We got nothing to hide.

We won't even tell Briggs you got caught.

How is that?

Come on.

What's here?

Nothing - that's the whole point.

We just ride out here every morning
to exercise our horses, that's all.

That's all you do?

That's all...

C'mon, sit down.
Rest a spell.

I'll be doggone!

Oh, Briggs - he
thought you're riding out here to

meet somebody or something.

Nah...

Hey, Seth...

how are you with cards?

Cards?

Yeah.

You ever seen this mind-reading trick?

What trick is that?

Well, see the deck.
It's just an ordinary deck.

Yeah.

Pick a card.
Take any card.

And now, don't look at it.

Don't show it to me - just lay it
right down on the ground face down.

Just like that, huh?
Yeah.

Now listen.

Together - by mental work -

by the mental application of our minds -

we're gonna find out
what that card is.

I don't know.
I don't think I'd be too good at that trick.

Now Seth, trust me.

Believe me I can say you got mental
abilities that are unique already.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Yeah.

Just tell me -
right off the top of your head -

whether the card is red or black.

Now think about it - carefully.

Black, I think.

Make sure.
Concentrate.

It's black, all right.

All right, it's black.
Yeah.

Is it a club or a spade?
Now think -

let your mind concentrate,

so that the mental vibrations can
come from your mind or into my mind.

Well,
I've seen this trick before.

Yeah?
Well, don't spoil the vibrations, will you?

It's a club.

All right, now, club.
Club, yeah.

Is it above or below 8?

Concentrate now!

Hard!

It's above 8.
Above 8!

Boy, that's givin' me headache.

Nah, nah,
just a little bit longer, Seth, now.

All right, above 8.

Think of three cards above 8.

King, Queen, Jack.

Name two of 'em.

King, Jack.

All right, now name one of 'em.

Jack.
Jack of clubs, that's the card!

Oh well, I'm sorry, Seth.

To play this trick,
you gotta have it up here.

Well, this'll be time to get back.

Yeah.

We're going ahead and you can
just tell Briggs what you saw us do.

Yeah.

Hey, listen.

I appreciate you boys not...
not tell no one, you know what I mean.

Hold it right there.

Good morning, gentlemen.

So, you're still wearing your gun again.

Well, I thought I
explained that to you, Mr. Briggs.

I thought I explained it to you.

In fact, I thought I made it pretty clear.

But I guess I didn't.

That's too bad 'cause now you're just
gonna have to do that jig again.

Mr. Briggs -
I did a jig for you yesterday.

Now I'm not very good at it.
You saw that for yourself.

You really don't want me
to do that jig again, do you?

Well, that's a simple choice, friend.

I told you, not to wear that gun,

and you're still wearing.

Now every day you come out of that hotel

wearing it, and I see you,

you're gonna have to do a jig.

You want me to do
the same one I did yesterday?

Yeah...that's the one.

You're getting better all the time.

Thanks, boys.

Maybe the bust will be there tomorrow...

Mac said, it can take two weeks.

With my luck, that's just what it'll be...

Gentlemen, may I join you?

As a matter of fact, I'd like
to share this bottle with you if I may.

Fine.

Here.

There's one,
there are two...

and me.

Salud.

I want to tell you

what an impact you've had on me, Mr. Jones.

Because I saw again today
what I saw yesterday -

a man unafraid,

who apparently believes so...

so instinctively in the spirit of love
and the brotherhood of man -

that he's willing to turn the other cheek -

no matter how painful

and humiliating the circumstances.

And those are the only circumstances
that matter, you know!

But, of course, you know that...

I...I just want to tell you

you something about myself
that nobody in this town knows.

I am a minister of the gospel.

I even have a Doctor of Divinity degree.

I'm...
I'm sure you're amazed, but it's true.

And two years ago...

my church sent me to
minister to a congregation in Taos,

in northern New Mexico.

And what I saw there -
in that...

lawless community -

made me lose my faith.

Well, they came to church on Sunday
they...they put in the time.

But there was killing,

there was stealing,
mayhem -

abominations of every kind.

And...

I was simply overwhelmed -

so overwhelmed that I
couldn't hold on to my faith.

I...I...
I couldn't hold on to it.

And so I left.
I left the church.

And I took up this...

But I...
I want you to know, gentlemen -

that you are seeing me take my last drink.

Because I have come to realize

I lost my faith without knowing enough -

without seeing enough.
I was wrong to lose it.

It is possible
to live by the Christian creed...

and I plan to return to it...
because I have witnessed it.

In you.

Thank you,

thank you, gentlemen.

God bless you...

Imagine that seedy guy...

had all that in him...

Yeah...

Oh, Kid...

guess that jig was worth it
in more ways than one.

Yeah...
guess maybe it was...

Hi, Seth.

Good morning, Seth.

Yeah, yeah -
good morning.

You following us again?

Well, yeah...

Didn't you tell Briggs where we go?

Well yeah.
I told him all that about

how you come out here
to exercise your horses and all,

but he thinks
there's more to it than that...

So well,
here I am again...

Well...

might as well join us again.
Come one.

I got another trick for you, Seth.

You pick a card -

you don't tell me what it is

but I tell you what it is.

You know you must think
I'm really stupid or somethin'.

You're trying to force that card!

10 of clubs.

Well, how'd you do that?

Well, the card you thought I was trying
to force on you, I wasn't.

The card you picked
was the one I was.

You won't try that again?

Oh, no,
only one to a customer.

But I got a new trick for you.

Yeah?
What's that?

This.

Oh, wait a minute!
What's this for?

What are you doing?

Sorry, Seth.
Yeah.

We're gonna have to
leave you here a little while.

But don't worry.

When we get back to town
we're gonna write a note

saying where you are and
somebody will be out to get you.

So just don't worry.

What's it there for?!

You never know what might be
around you out there, Seth.

Yeah...but now I'll never know!

We don't want you to get worried.

Unless some hungry coyotes come along
then you can worry.

What!

Just don't try to call
any attention to yourself, Seth.

How's this?

'To who it may concern.

Seth Griffin is tied up

at the old farmhouse ruins
about 4 miles west of town.

Go out and untie him.'

Make sure you don't sign your own name.

No, I'm signing yours.

What!

Well, if that's the way you feel about it...

No.

All right - I got this all packed.

I figured it'd be about 2 hours
'till that stagecoach gets here.

I think we'd better just sit here and wait.

Sit here and wait?
I'm hungry!

Now, don't you start that again!

What's the matter with you?

We haven't had
anything to eat since breakfast!

The coach didn't go stop
and give us anything 'till suppertime.

I gotta eat!

You're gonna drive me crazy, you know that?

You know what's gonna happen
when we go down on that street?

First thing,

Briggs is gonna wonder where Seth is,
so he's gonna be looking for us.

The second thing,

he's gonna get you to do the jig again.
You wanna do the jig again?

No, I don't want to do the jig again -
but a man's gotta eat, don't he?

We'll just go over to the cafe.

If he's not in front of the saloon
we be able to get by him.

And if we can't?

Kid,

I know you're gonna do
something stupid, I know it!

Heyes, haven't I've been
turning the other cheek?

Haven't I been taking all
this pain and humility?

You think I'm gonna throw all that away
now that we got the bust

and all we got to do is sit here
and wait for that stagecoach?

You think I'm gonna do something like that?

Yes.

Well, I'm not!
I just want to eat, that's all. I'm hungry!

Boy,

now that you're a dancer, you're turning
into some prima donna, you know it?

Come on - let's go eat!

How come you're never hungry?

'Cause I'm too scared to be hungry!

Well, Mr. Spencer!

Good morning!

Are you leaving?

Yes, yes, I'm...
just waiting for the stagecoach.

I'm...
I'm going back to Taos.

See if I can get my congregation back.

And if...they won't help me
I'll go someplace else.

But I'm going back to my job.

At this time, I just hope
I'll be a little better at it.

You know, I think
that's wonderful, Mr. Spencer.

We're gonna be the same stage with you.

We're going up San Francisco.

That'll give us a chance to
get a little better acquainted.

That is wonderful, yes!
I'll...

certainly look forward to that.

We'll see you later.

You boys seen anything of Griffin?

Who?

One of my men.
He's missing.

You got any idea where he might be?

How would we have
any idea where he might be?

Well, he was riding out the way
you were riding this morning.

Thought maybe
you might have seen him.

No.

Did you see him?

Oh, no.
I don't think so.

No, we didn't see him.

But if he's not back in another hour,

I'll be around to see you boys again.

Meanwhile, I see
you're still wearing your gun.

Hey, look he here.

Looks like you're wearing your gun, too.

Looks like we'll have to jigs today.

Mr. Briggs,

I'm wearing my gun

because we're leaving town on that
stagecoach as soon as it gets here.

Now I told you we were just passing through.

We're all packed and ready to leave.

Naturally, when I packed to travel,
I wear my gun -

just like my friend here.

Otherwise we wouldn't be wearing our guns.

I told you the rules right at the beginning.

Now you're both wearing your guns.

Now you're both gonna have to do a jig!

And because I like the way you do it,

I think we're gonna start with you, friend.

And then we'll see good your partner is.

I don't think so, Mr. Briggs...

Well now, I do think so...

Look,

you know I've been very
cooperative with you, Mr. Briggs.

'Cause I know you got a job to do -

which is to scare the people
in this town to death

so they won't vote on election day.

Now, I figure that's none of my business.

But I've done this jig for you twice now,

and I'm leaving town today.

So I'm not about to do it again.

Well, now what
kind of odds you give on that.

Thaddeus...

our friend is watching...

If not for me...
for him...

Mr. Briggs,

why don't we just be peaceful, huh?

I mean, you made your point,
you've won hands down.

You made a fool out of me twice now.

All we want to do is go over there
and have us something to eat.

And we'll go back to the room and we'll
stay there until the stagecoach leaves.

Now we'll stay completely out of
your way and off the streets.

How's that?

Is it all right with you?

No, that's not all right with me.

You want something to eat
while you're wearing those guns.

You're just gonna have to earn it.

You're gonna have to
dance for your dinner, my friend...

then you can have all the eats you want.

Thaddeus no...
the other cheek...

Mr. Briggs,

there's a point where
people like you go too far.

People like you never learn, do they?

They never know when to stop.

Well, now's the time, Briggs -
believe me now's the time.

because I'm telling you for the last time -
I'm not gonna do that jig again.

I'm gonna go over there
and get me some dinner.

And if you try to stop me...
I may kill you.

Now, that's pretty big talk, mister.

And I'm gonna tell you something.

You got exactly two seconds
to start dancing,

in which case life goes on -

or you can start walking across the street,

in which case life doesn't go on.

You can take your pick!

And you can take yours - right now.

Leave it!

You - if you're a friend of his -
go get the doc.

Looks like he's got a broken arm,

he may also bleed to death.
So you better run.

Well, what'd you expect?

What the devil did you expect?!

Do you really think that I'm
some kind of a saint or something?

Well, I'm not!

And I don't know who is...

You know maybe that's why
you left your congregation, Mr. Spencer.

Maybe you expected them all to be saints.

Well, there aren't too many of those, Reverend.

That's why men like you are necessary.

Because if we were all saints...
we really wouldn't need you, now would we?

Be very careful with this.
Got something very valuable inside.

Doesn't look like the Reverent is coming...

I'm sorry, Heyes...

I just couldn't do that jig again.

Oh, I'd be ashamed myself if
I couldn't do a better one than that.

All aboard?

Well, Reverend...we didn't think
you were gonna make it.

I almost didn't.

I've...been sitting in the saloon

with a drink in front of me
for the last hour and a half.

But somehow, I didn't touch it.

Because it...

it kept coming back to me what you...

what you said, Mr. Jones.

I think you're right...

No,

I know you're right...

...and now we have a bust of Caesar.

dating back two hundred years...

purchased in Florence, Italy
for the sum of $10,000.

and transported to this country

at great expense.

I will now offer it in auction,

and it will entertain an opening bid.

Do I hear an opening bid of $10,000?

$9,000?

Any opening bid at all?

$6,000?

What's the matter with him?

I paid $10,000 for that!

4,000?

Surely, someone will bid $4,000
for this beautiful bust of Caesar.

Do I hear a bid of 3,000?

Ladies and gentlemen the
present owner of this beautiful bust

paid $10,000 for it.
Nah!

Surely, someone here today will bid 2,000?

Mac - that's your own property!

I bid $1,000.

Thank you, sir.

The gentleman at the rear of the room

has bid $1,000 go for the bust of Caesar.

$1,000?
I'm not going to let it go for $1,000.

$1,100.

Thank you, sir.

Mac - I thought you came here to sell it!

What's the matter with you?!
Don't you want to get rid of it?!

You and Armendariz are just gonna keep
going round and round?

If you keep it, he'll take it!

Yeah, that's right.

I now have a bit of $1,100.

Any other bids?

Any other bids?

Going once at $1,100 -

Oh, no!

1,200!

Thank you, sir.

Now Mac, shut up!

Don't even breathe!

Any other bids?

No other bids for this
magnificent bust of Caesar?

No other bids?

Going once at $1,200...

going twice...

Mac?!

gone!

For $1,200.

I just can't understand it...

can't understand it...

You're better off without it.

Why, this way neither you nor Armendariz
'll have it, the war is over.

Armendariz!

Well, Se?or Martindale,

and how much did you have to pay for it?

Oh, I got it quite cheaply,
as a matter of fact.

$1,200.

That cheaply?
That is wonderful!

Gentlemen.

I think we can agree now, Se?or McCreedy,

that the bust is mine,

can we not?

Thank you.

He's got it again...

He's got it back...

Yeah.

Listen, boys...

No!

But...
Not! Definitely no!

No!