Alfred Hitchcock Presents (1955–1962): Season 7, Episode 4 - Cop for a Day - full transcript

Davey and Phil successfully rob a bank messenger of $18,000 but now have one major complication. Davey is a bit of a hot-head and in the course of the robbery he shoots the messenger and there is now an eye witness who can identify him. When it's subsequently reported that he's died, Phil devises a plan that will solve their problem. Unfortunately, Davey again acts without thinking with dire results.

Good evening,

so nice of you
to come for tea,

it's very pleasant to observe
the amenities even in America,

unfortunately one of my other
guests performed rather badly,

he took one sip and fell to
the floor like a common drunk,

not even a 'with your
leave' or a 'by your leave',

he just left,

broke a piece of
my good china, too,

but what I shall never forgive
him for, he took the cup of tea,

I had been saving
for another guest,

a dear friend of mine,

ah, here comes our guest now.


-Just walk straight ahead you won't get hurt.
-What's going on here?

Eighteen thousand Phil,

eighteen thousand bucks,

would have thought a bank
messenger carries so much though.

That's the 53rd time
you've counted it kid.

Yeah it comes out
the same every time,

eighteen thousend beautiful bucks.

don't get so excited we can't
spend a nickel of it, not a nickel,

we can't move a finger until
we find out how things stand.

It's been almost two days Phil, two days
in this crummy hall, I want to get moving.

You should have
thought of that before,

told you to keep your hands
in your pockets and your,

gun and your holster, you
can't listen to reasons.

I crawled already, didn't I? I said I
was wrong, can't you quit picking on me?

I own fault, never should have
hooked up with a green kid.

-We got the door didn't?
-We yeah we got the doe.

Stick up's one thing
shooting something else.

I just winged him,

he's uh he's home now,
he's bragging about it to the kitties.

I never load my gun in a heist,
saves me from temptation.

Yeah, you're the old master
all right you got the diploma,

on the state pen.

Little stretch makes
you think things out.

You can have it,

I got different ideas,

I’m gonna take my
cut and head south,

well they got hot white sand and
they drink rum from coconuts,

that's for me.


You think I don't mean it?

Seen your type before
kid, you're all the same,

one job leads
to the next and,

-then you pull that trigger figure
once too often. -I do it again,

I shoot anybody tries to stop me

Well next time make sure you
don't have any witnesses.

You think that theme got
a good look at a spell?

What should I know.

You should should've listened to
me you should let me blast her.

-You got one answer for everything haven't you?
-You got any better answer?

she's playing footsie with the cops right now,
we're sitting around here afraid to show our face,

man if we only had a radio we
don't even know what's going on.

-What are you doing?
-I’m going out.

-where to?
-get a couple of sandwiches and newspaper I’ll be right back.

You think that's
a good idea Phil?

let's uh,

let's send off of that
stuff like we've been doing.

I need a little fresh air kid
don't worry I’ll be careful.

-And why can't I go?
-Because you shoot the first guy,

that looks at you
sideways that's why.

Go on, go on. It's your funeral
don't blame me if you get picked up.

Can't you shut up?

if they pick me up they'll
have you 10 minutes later,

so don't wish me any bad luck.

-Yes sir, what do you like today?
-Yeah you got any corned beef?

-Right. -A couple of cornes beefs
on rye to go please. -Yes.

And a couple of cans of cold beer.

-What kind of beer?
-Anything you got, like is cold.


Mister, you want mustard
than these sandwiches?


you want mustard?

Yeah, mustard.

It will be a dollar sixty.

Thank you.

What's up?

You know how to read junior?


the guy died?

He died,

you get A for marksmanship,

go on read the rest of it it
gets better as it goes along,

dame says she saw the whole thing,
can identify the men who did it,

at least the guy who fired the shot,
she's not so sure about the other one.

What do we do, Phil?

this thing can hang us,

look you're in as much trouble as I am,
even she didn't see my face,

you think I’m gonna
take this wrap along?

-Relax, will you? eat your sandwich.
-I won't be the patsy Phil.

You stop worrying, you'll get to
your beach and your coconuts.

It ain't funny, we
gotta do something.

-I’m gonna do something. -The papers say
they're giving this thing police protection.

-I said I’m gonna do something.
-Yeah, what, what?

Would you please stop hollering
kid you're giving me a headache,

I can't even
digest my food.

Leave it to me well
yeah I got a plan.

-Hey what are you doing? hey huh?
-Relax, relax...


Will you stop hollering.

I’m just taking a couple of bucks here
for what I got in mind, here, all right?

you can hold on to the rest of it I
trust you with it until I get back,

don't get any wild ideas
don't leave the room,

if we have any visitors,
watch the trigger finger.

Yeah, sure Phil.

Hi sweetie, I want to
talk to Marty Hersh.

I’m sorry but mr
Hershey’s in conference.

yeah well never mind that conference
jazz sweetie you just pick up the phone,

tell him an old friend from
Riverside Heights wants to see him,

he'll come out of the conference.


Mr Hershey I’m I’m sorry but there's
a gentleman here who wants to see you,

he says he's a friend
from Riverside Heights,

yes sir,

he'll be right out.

Baby how are you?

Look Phil, talk to Stockton
I got a customer inside.

What's the matter Marty?
you're ashamed of your friends.


I told you never
to come here,

-we should do all our business by phone.
-No no,

you got me all wrong Marty,

I didn't come here to sell you any
goods I’m out of that business now.

What is it then?

I just want you to do
a favor for an old pal.

What kind of favor?

You got a big uniform
department now, right?

-You know what I got.
-Maybe I’ll do some business with you,

maybe I’ll buy something,

that's what I want Marty.

-How do I look.
-Phil don't do anything foolish.

Don't give me any
philosophy, how do I look?

Like your own worst enemy.

You think it'll pass?

I’m sure it'll pass
it's authentic.

What about the potsies?

-The what?
-The potsies, don't you talk english?

-the badgers.
-What about them?

Well I want it, I
want the real things.

-I don't know if I got any real ones.
-You got them, you got them.

-Oh look.
-Don't look, get them.

Tick that on my cap will ya?

how do I get out of here
without using the elevator?

There's a stairway, you turn right
and it's the first door you come to.

There we go.

You scare me.

Take it easy Marty.


What are you
gonna do?

-What am I gonna do?
-Never mind, don't tell me, don't tell me.

Pardon officer isn't there a
post office in this neighborhood?

Post office?


post office, yeah it's
uh, seven blocks this way,

and then it's uh three over to
the left, you better take a bus.

-Oh I thought it much nearer.
-No no I’m sorry it's not.

-Thank you very much officer.
-All right.


-Joe Brady.
-Tom Spinelli, how are you?

Ah, had caught this morning
so I’m finishing up the post,

I usually do four to
twelves third squad,

got transferred
last week from 52nd,

-what are you alone?
-No this fell upstairs,

Miller the department
handball champ.

Oh yeah that four wall uh handball
champion, what's his first name? George...

-No Max, Max Miller you know.
-Max Miller...

that has a familiar ring. I think uh, I
think we went together at the academy.

-I’ll go up and say hello.
-Sure, uh top of the stairs, 2B.

2B? right on top of
the stairs, thanks.

Hi, wanna play some handball?

Sure, for how much?

I don't think I’ve ever
seen you around here.

Nah, before I had
caught this morning so,

the lieutenant told me
to finish up the post,

I usually do four to twelves,

I got transferred last
week from the 52nd,

you want to run down for some coffee or
something? I got 10 minutes before I ring in.

Good deal, I’ll grab a container
and I’ll be right back,


Police department lady.

-What do you want?
-Can I use your phone?

-Thanks a lot lady.

Who are you gonna
call, your girlfriend?

Okay, now I’m gonna call the
mayor asking for a raise.

The work you guys do
you ought to take a cut.

Oh you got us all wrong
lady, we are not money.

I’ll believe that when I see
those killers in the hot seat.

Hey did you uh, can you
identify those both men?

I don't know, but I’m
sure about one of them,

how many times do I have
to tell you people that?

what do you expect
for crying out loud?

I was excited,

I don't see guys getting
killed every day,


are you gonna use the phone or uh...?

do you want me to make you some
coffee and cake while you watch TV?

-That's a pretty good one.
-Poor guy,

you work so hard,

You're here all alone lady?

-Yes, what's it to you?
-What's in there?

The bedroom.

Get in there lady.

-What is this a joke?
-This is no joke lady get in there, move!

What is this? what's
this all about?


you're one of the,

I I won't say anything.

I won't say anything,
I won't say anything,

I won't say anything,

Get down, okay?

I won't say anything,
please, please, please.

Thanks a lot pal, do the
same for you someday.

-Keep the old right arm loose.
-Yeah okay.

Boy I’ll be glad to get
back on those four to twelves,

-it's too early in the morning for me.
-Take it easy.

You cop, you dirty cop...

In case you're wondering,

Davey was apprehended
by the police,

as for Phil the police gave
him an excellent funeral,

after all he did die
in uniform,

as for Alfred Hitchcock,
he'll be back presently.

That exhausts our
supply of commercials,

to say nothing of our audience,

next week we shall all
reassemble renewed,

and refreshed, until that
happy day, good night.