Agatha Raisin (2014–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - The Curious Curate - full transcript
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I'm Roy Silva great to meet you I'm dad
waters CEO great to meet you - Roy I'm
still go for away I've seen it all of
gets this job it will not be the prat
that took a pee break mid interview
bit ridiculous it's a FaceTime interview
we need to practice on FaceTime
can we practice later axe I've got to UM
morning ladies
darling Peggy brings her finest
dandelion Chardonnay and hot from my
let's your ingenuity knows no bounds
ladies please this is Sunday service not
concert my sermon today is focused on
what the Lord tells us about the nature
of enduring love since when did a
when he answers to me spiritually plus
in
unconditional love love that lasts still
sorry Agatha
squirt John chapter 15 verse 13 and
Tommy urine laugh of the nature as well
in this walking hot liquor to lay down
one's life for one's friends betters
pray we pray for the success of the
approaching constantly charity dark race
Reverend blocks Pease missionary worked
no too soon I hope yes with Tristan X
God and we pray also for mrs. Sarah
last week at the age of 91 Bill's got a
new girlfriend Gemma will be guttered
about the time she gets back from my
James basically I'm buying on ku I feel
that strange mix of really excited and
it's by my count you've ignored in for
non-believer but I have a feeling I
could convert you sorry I mean you can
convert me Wow here we are again at the
really yeah never cheap shot sorry but I
was wondering if maybe shall we go out
for dinner why I don't know I just I
thought maybe just process our emotions
talk about you and me
is there up you and me I thought it was
blind Agatha I can see what's happened I
don't need to process my emotions
with our life shall we I know who you
are
get on line but today I stand before you
not as Detective Chief Inspector Denzel
Wilkins Cotswolds crime fighter but as
support James
perhaps we ought do you think we should
talk about Cyprus talk why because in
case there was anything that you leave
it to share why is everyone processing
Carly not California
fair enough
haven't your way Lacey how was that oh
depressing you know I think Jim's and I
make for example Wiltshire please Roy
let's get drunk tonight
um cure it seems to have quite the
following yeah well I'm not a member and
if your only friend of mine you won't be
joining either I was getting to her
plates overflowing could it be that
hmm no it's not like that
who's that little minx no but she's
wasting the time with Tristan because he
Roy's gaydar never lies papa at one time
it did lie but I did apologize to all
three guards room 43 missus blocks B it
blocks me I am just meant to say how
sorry I was
my poor aunties reminds me kind of buy
tension between us I'll make you supper
tonight just clear
I desperately not to be alone tonight
means that I must accept your invitation
to dinner I haven't invited you to
dinner what have you going to be
30-something sounds perfect but as
friends Charlie boy like we agreed
once I am NOT the dessert okay I can do
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manly hug no wandering hands so glad you
could make it not one of your groupies
much oh is this actually the friendzone
or is it maybe the friends-with-benefits
Cheers glass of wine
no thank you Reverend blocks P night
she's not to drink on Sundays yeah of
but mrs. Proctor P I owe you an apology
my curacy in Bristol wasn't a very happy
one I didn't know that I'm another
pretty successful career in banking to
put my heart and soul into helping some
I was pretty badly beaten up by some of
the same young women that I've been
trying to help and I was lost to
moralized and then coming here to the
out to be embraced so warmly by your
congregation I think I let it go to my
head I'm really sorry
apology accepted
glass of wine after all you know I was
wondering would it help to talk a little
bit well your aunt you know you're a
problem you don't know how to be friends
with a woman if sex is off the menu you
not entirely fair you just haven't given
Wow giving me the chance right now
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smartphones are very good on their okay
I was sad to lose them of course is
there any saliva massive huh so I'm
guessing that means you have to handle
ever stapled on your own
that is tough yeah I'm jetting it mrs.
Boggs B yeah call me Sarah Sarah if you
want some advice invest in your aunt's
money I do still know about finer oh
pleasure
what a pity excuse me say yeah
Sarah I can expel Sarah don't Sarah be
your traitor but what were you gonna
tell me the Bishop told me not this
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well fancy meeting you v morning
how was the interview
James something happened to sir
zero
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now you know very well Syrah brats me is
not capable of murder
well I hope not but Tristan Delon was
found murdered in her house with her
knife and she tells me they had dinner
last night alone come on you're not
him why not
half the village were in love with him
tell me about it
hate I think I meant that they weren't
best mates but basically she was a
griever bloke oh yeah did you see any
strangers hanging around the vicarage
wearing a bright yellow Parker walking
a campaign meeting I'll be back later
goodbye mrs. blocks be and remember bomb
elected I promise you this and I promise
interests whether you're in prison for
murder or not
we found this letter in Tristan's
it I've got to find out who killed
the evidence by that what I can't hear a
thing much as great care about Sarah
much as I'd like to help don't think
this time you're gonna have to go it
Bell says that Tristan approached the
bishop and suggested he replaced jazz as
Vicar the bishop agreed so Sarah had a
motive she had a big motive she was
going to lose everything
okay Roy is running this place
conference in the campaign to prove the
cerebral atrophy did not kill Tristan
this photo see the parsley Parish
Magazine slightly undermined by Sarah
looking like a serial killer that's
better
call them at murder suspects on the left
Peggy sliver right Liz jell-o and no no
no no the captions wrong that's Liz
jello on the left and Peggy sliver on
the right from no one misses boggle does
not get to do the captions
meetings she's a millionaire single
and I would know where became incredibly
successful word is that she is standing
for chairperson of the local parish
council that's Peggy's leather on the
right she lives over an uncle widower
unless Caleb's best friend but doesn't
Tristan's enemies and not just his
adoring male fans sorry Oh Roy thinks
Tristan may have been gay male or female
who else would want Tristan dead apart
mentioned to Sarah that he'd been badly
which is why he took the job here
make sure you don't start meddling about
in my investigation again Detective
Constable Warner off Oh Charles
oh I'm glad to see you here actually I
was hoping to have a word with you with
Moyer
of the impending elections for the
parish council no the patronage of poll
shows can read great wait would you do
now oh no we work well together yes we
do absolutely but not this time it's too
police business
highness why we're going to Bristol
Google Tristan did on mugging and secret
she was curated okay I can't be your
and they're flying me over over to where
probably get a train I'll go to Bristol
with you I want to see this murder a
court and an innocent woman spared a
this is a purely platonic murder
st. Mary's that's the church that
Tristan with curent at the time he was
liked going there and we will
duffer's get there before me
yes Tristan was beaten up by louts in
the youth group that he ran but that's
haven't already told the police so you
didn't tell the police everything
anything that I know I think you should
go wait did you know that Tristan was
gay
how did he no one has instincts oh why
bisexual there was one man a rich
businessman who showered him with gifts
took him to fancy places but that all
beaten up can you tell us the name of
this rich businessman
no no I don't know he leave us and I
shouldn't have said as much they have
I think the answer to Tristan's murder
lies in Bristol if I have learned
white car that it's the same car
the night he was murdered oh please just
been handing out free votes gel up for
have fun please tell me you're
investigating portress since madam oh
excellent best news I've had all day
wasn't what were you up to told you the
answer in cars me
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dinner date with me that night as well
his house and there he was cozying up
with the vicar's wife she's married
she's very happily married there was
really nothing between them I knew that
or at least Liz the happy jam maker knew
that but Liz the infatuated spinster
thought that every woman he met would
if it makes you feel any better
Saylor said the only reason that he was
money that she didn't actually have well
I realized he was only interested in my
money did that make you angry have you
ever been in love Sir Charles well you
know
inventing new jams that was all I needed
to be happy until I met Tristan but as
he said in his last sermon love is about
that he was having an affair with a rich
businessman no no he was flamboyant and
grace Lansing might say that he was too
gay because he wouldn't have sex with
there was nothing homosexual about
Tristan - Lyz cello reverend grace
Lansing and mystery dodgy businessman
all three of them in number systems
along all three of them knew murder
me good day's work how's my case going
no idea I don't know of course you
wouldn't relax not hear about that
hear about Sara she's still a suspect
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richard pincer
it had to be the Reverend grace all this
door
whoa it's done Tanabe sir let's see if
we'll Grantham was having an affair with
Grantham uh Richard in certain we don't
have an appointment
able to see him I'm Ellen partl his
executive assistant
him that Agatha reason is here to talk
suspect we might not need an appointment
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celebrity card mr. pinzer doesn't know
who you are or what you're talking about
Charles Freight is here to see sometimes
it helps to plan a local celebrity card
Oh
has no real money left do sit down mr.
pinzer will be with you in a second
blackmailing him I will be recording
your entire conversation hmm new money
not so impressed by all of money but it
blackmail excuse Ellen's overprotective
mr. chance
trust ah see you went to Darwin - I wish
now I'm a hilton grammar man but we
played you a trucker ha good sure I must
say I'm very impressed with what you've
do you think we could maybe interrupt
about what we came here to talk about so
why are you a friend or sorry to be
blunt a lover of the late Tristan Dillon
a friend yes but a lover no can I ask
how did you meet him he was raising
money for a youth group he ran from his
children's a child no none that he knows
all Tristan felt like the son I never
had
me premises for his youth group took him
to dinner a few times even bought him
clothes but soon he wanted more and more
I paid a visit to San Mary's Church and
the vicar
the youth crew met in the church hall
called Tristan and asking for my money
and wanted even more money not to tell
my wife we were having an affair
ex-wife and couldn't care less who I
have an affair with or in this case
I hope that helps oh I'm a sponsoring
the duck race so I'm sure I'll see you
both again at the costly hotel I believe
him
together I didn't play it Rucker
I played squash squash mmm and play for
ages rather miss a good hard game of
squash just two opponents up against the
wall smell of sweat well don't look at
me our squash green days are over
yeah that's a shame all I'm saying is
that maybe it was his henchman beep
Tristan up that time Vincent made his
money in tech computer nerds don't have
henchmen he's a red herring
the truth is Tristan was using
two-timing and blackmailing every woman
who come under his spell which reminds
me we need to track down that woman that
Tristan was talking to after the service
which woman he was talking to about 12
the glamour poof
miss sex on legs where is a rebound to
church and it's annoyingly younger than
looking forward to questioning her where
but for now we are going to an come to
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hi spending a lot of time together
Bristol the other day what are you up to
we're not up for anything apart from
simply enjoying each other's company and
getting out of the village puppet
called the Cotswolds and for too long
well I'll say no more freedom for Carly
let's crush the oppressor
thanks to that comrade inspector Percy
I'm just here for a private word with
word of Charlie same thing for Charlie
welcome I have a new girlfriend called
Alice we're very happy that is very
sweet I'm usually more help with unhappy
emotionally unavailable commitment fool
I'm not a relationship advice thanks
mom is very sweet and lovely did I know
that yes I didn't know that but Alice is
very shy and scared of meeting her so I
was thinking before Alice meets my mom
just to build up her confidence she
well me what I might not more of a
surrogate slightly older sister yes
that's exactly what I thought good glad
excuse me mom his mom I mean seriously
books says Quora cars li Lord of the
land that might be overdoing it a bit
hmm I've had a thousand printed so after
they've all gone up
rethink Thanks that was the station
there was a white Volkswagen belonging
to Liz Jenna parked outside Tristan's on
really really tristan also made a date
with list yet up that night but he stood
him I knew it
we didn't know it or anything else
care how you acquired any information
but if you do know something please
share it now bill well you know nothing
about anything but if we find out
dentist Tiffany to clean
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I know she said come alone but would you
have a wife it's homemade nobody fine
Oh never drink alone as my Maitlis gel
stopped drinking and I didn't come on
sit down not there died in that chair
massive heart attack right in front of
don't be I hated him I waited 10 minutes
before I called the ambulance just to
for me and one for you you said you had
some secret information about Tristan
Bella and I do my darling his real name
was Terrence biles what do you make of
that why would he change his name boy
think bishop biles had a ring to it
dinner were you in love with tristin
Terence no fan said the pants off him
but I knew it wouldn't lead anywhere I'm
like Liz my poor deluded best friend
women like me and Liz what you are
necessary she went to a hold or two
psychopath just a lonely lush I don't
she could sober up long enough to kill
so Tristan's real name with Terrence and
biles
he changed it which would be fair if my
name was biles I think I'd change it to
it's just that some of us are getting
always thought you a rather beautiful
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how Co is this is very shy would you
like a drink Alice what your tonic water
please I just really think so Alice what
do you do for a living the PA - a
managing director in town have been for
years
mom's gonna love Alice I don't know why
breakfast
okay so Charles Frey is it now yes
can I ask your opinion as a gentleman of
course too much cleavage for a funeral
I'm glad you approve now if you'll
excuse me there's my husband's grave I
need to go and dance on it
Reverend grace can I just thank you for
putting that invisible not through my
door I say no what you're talking about
why did you lie about knowing Richard
bincer and why didn't you tell us that
him because I've already been indiscreet
enough because Richard Vince is a very
powerful man I've said nothing to the
police about him and please I'm making
it if they ask you heard nothing from me
said that he no longer had it I think
Tristan did have reckless appetites not
just women but all men drugs too I mean
I always suspected he blamed the money
Mountain Mirage his demas can I ask you
a question that I have asked pretty much
how do you know the Reverend grace
Lansing what and what were you days
sniffing around in Bristol do I need to
remind you that withholding information
Bristol to interview the Reverend grace
for obstruction obstruction of justice
yes you did we both went to visit
Reverend grace and a bunch of other
vicars to be honest but not as part of
the investigation we're getting married
that's what we were doing in Bristol not
breaking the law the planning the
oh that's cracking news good for you
good for all campaign family values but
to just try and get me into bed which
come up with the time
congratulations I think maybe yes thank
you who who is that woman
Oh Sharon or Charlotte's something all I
know she was married to that marine I
outside the village cars way manner yeah
which makes her mrs. Benson
not anymore thank God I'm Charlotte
village these days I am a private
Tristram de LAN how well did you know
what as well as he would have liked I'd
recently divorced when we met I was
Tristan's funeral really the place to
believe for a second that you're in love
just going to have to believe it because
it is absolutely true she doesn't look
much like a ruthless murderer I don't
think she is a ruthless murderer ran a
check on her financial affairs the day
bankrupt because of him she's lost
oh no bill I mean she's clearly guilty
of being taken for a fool she loved him
don't make this day any darker for her
difference is it gonna make bill bill I
might have been keeping something from
you and Wilkes if you're gonna question
anyone right now it should probably be a
businessman named for Richard pin sir
I said I didn't want to be disturbed
Richard bincer would like you to
accompany us to the station to answer
some questions in connection with the
murder of Tristan too long Oh big
to speak to someone about what happened
let's see faith no boys what are you
doing paying visits to my fiance if I
want to pay visits to my ex-fiance I
about it you fighting over me don't
fight over me
worth it you're not worth it you're even
more not worth a than I'm not worth it
Lacey want that's a question I have been
asking myself for quite some time
well um I thought as we were getting
engaged you should have an engagement
ring it was given back to me by one of
my exes after we broke up or to be more
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oh not no bill unless of course you're
calling me to tell me that you've
Sarah's story is that Liz jela brang her
distressed she went round to her house
everywhere which is why she was covered
in it which is obviously telling the
truth I mean what possible motive would
Sarah have four kalilas jela p-- liz
janap support for tristan almost
resulted in Jess losing his parish even
you have to admit that she's still a
meanwhile as a result of your
information a respected local
businessman and great mate of the Chief
his perfectly innocent friendship with
Tristan de lon
night after he left the station
mr. bincer worked late with his
assistant Ellen part oh you know
business mad as hell about being dragged
constables mad as hell too well
I'm not scared of either of them the
Chief Constable Systema for you soon as
much which I hadn't stopped you taking
miss gelatin for questioning
the cottage alone and she would have
been alive I can't know that for sure
you could blame yourself with it but now
whenever you're thinking this cello was
running against Detective Chief
Inspector Denzel Wilkes and he murdered
her so he could become chairman of the
thinking that no no one is above the law
and I'll warm you got very weak alibi
Marshall go and see Charlotte see what
she has to say well in an attempt to be
a better person I have agreed to help
great cars they gracious me Sarah's
fiance goodbye on the lips
are you getting me I'll take it hello
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Bart if I gonna get started
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Dave just happens that today yes somehow
you definitely did I'm sorry
that's why I just I don't want you
Jensen lose that friendship I know
you're really happy with Charles why
yes let's do that
the idea Tristan was beautiful but in
the end jealous and threatening and I'd
you mean Richard Benson well he's the
only ex-husband I got so far anyway
sorry yes it's just that I didn't think
he was that kind of man I mean
admittedly at first we suspected he may
all of his money what
Tristan spent all of Vince's money on
drugs no he didn't the day he died
Tristan swore to me he still had all the
money well where is it then he gave it
me Charles
it's complicated Oh tell me more I am a
big fan of complicated yes I'd like to
order two hundred rubber ducks please
oh darling listen you won't regret it I
promise you that's a promise okay hmm
you see this is where my true talents
lie good honest work like snoozing
businesses for free stuff for charity
or dead oh I recognize that look that's
that
impressive myself voicemail
Peggy's leather Oh drunk again she says
she's got some genuine information about
the murders for me why are you still
sitting there you guys see her nope
because she's just lonely and desperate
organize well if you're not gonna beg
you can I will and look what happened
the last time you made a call like that
Sarah you are still a murder suspect you
definitely can't go and let me and I
thought we weren't doing any
my friend too and I'm sitting here
ordering bloody rubber ducks when it
better than you let me prove you wrong I
drink have a seat no my husband died in
that chair yes I heard all about your
husband from Agatha but I'm not
you now what have you got to tell me so
masterful you remind me of my husband
don't go having a heart attack I wasn't
going to share this information with
shaddup was murdered why would anyone
want to kill Lizzy she was so dull Peggy
I haven't got all day
everything
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what proof is that lethal I keep
up do you I've nothing further to say
about Tristan to nom de Tristan de LAN
Charlotte Berlin's told me he did she's
Tristan must have been lying to her like
that's marriage
Cotswolds with dancing stars in love and
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almost got married nearly had the ring
on her finger
people there was that right Peggy
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very old I've wronged him several times
I'm sure it's mine but if you're worried
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eggie
James
I'm dead certainly not alive no thank
Peggy hey hello hello hey why is the
room going round and round
were they were wearing some kind of
saw saman Tristan's cottage the night he
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were my fiancee you've got a fiance well
no well I'm sort of engaged to Charles
I'll talk to you about it later
joining us I can't
I've got to go back to London I just pop
got the New York job
you mean the Swindon job no the Swindon
jobs in New York New York so New York
has in New York as miles and miles
for lying I just didn't think you'd want
me to go and I'm not even sure that I
here because you're here you've seen
amazing opportunity for you some many
many amazing shopping opportunities for
me
you know if you're not happy for Rohr
you ask him doctor because much as it
maybe Tristan was right maybe love is
all about sacrifice love is what got
poor Liz gellick murdered
yeah on Peggy's liver we don't know that
anyone killed Peggy she was an alcoholic
far from healthy it could have been
natural causes
wearing a yellow parka
time I think we should tell Sierra
tonight we're not getting married maybe
I'm so sorry for lying to you Oh lying
you know that bad is it
oh by the way Jetsons is not from
Nigeria there you are a line again you
know this is probably really
inappropriate at my own engagement party
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okay yes
so as Alice met your mother yet know
what's happening tomorrow at the duck
yes I know how she feels
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just
let us suppose you've remembered the
information that Peggy had electricity I
that poor woman wouldn't have been
yeah you don't believe that I know you
yes you probably do
you know this afternoon just for a
experience hangover like that makes you
question everything
I should have said this before gonna say
say Mary Charles why not he's fun he's
full of life and he likes me and you
know what
with Charles so you tell me why why
very bad idea
with his romantic history not to mention
yours didn't do I didn't failure right
so um well we just doomed to end in
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I have spent so much time and energy
wanting to be with James Lacey being
with James Lacey trying to get all for
James Lacey I am now over James Lacey I
think I may even be over consciously
that's why we're fantasy buying up yada
terror in Bristol
we made a fantasy offer on a Francis
your loft apartment just today I told
everyone at the party oh well that is
an apartment without consulting me first
just for future reference
well
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I shall say good night
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Charlie boy
hours of fantasy online or something do
the pathologist is called it's
definitely another murder that was
suffocated to death and suddenly I'm not
this afternoon at Peggy's before
everything got messy
there was a small padded envelope on the
coffee table in the living on the front
it said to my darling Peggy guard this
could go there tomorrow find it crazy
tomorrow what there is gonna be police
really isn't my idea of a booty call
oh and here's your X it really isn't my
idea of a boutique or the window the
window the window
Charles will never get through that when
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what's wrong
computer error at the brewery the free
beer they were supplying is no longer
already hate me because I think I killed
you we might strongly dislike you but
they you don't hate oh no no they're
gonna get through the state without any
we can get as much free alcohol as we
sell it with mixers and see all the
excellent idea
dandelion nigger awnings here we come
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just kidding Burt Wilkes of the many
foolish illegal things you've done
and illegal somewhere possibly even here
is a killer who's murdered three people
one of them in Peggy's house spare to
your wedding right your funeral
what are you doing they're looking for
find them because if I did I would be
Iran is getting on me your mother oh
have Oregon when Daniel army burned
please oh I'm making a large one and
Oh
I wondered whether your boss would show
of murder mr. Vince's charity work is
very important to him he's not about to
amateur detective deter him from doing
his best for the community I were you
I'd keep an eye on Charlotte village
which is a highly predatory woman as
her shall we have dinner later you ever
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that
mama's boy babies go find yourself a
real man thank you
my Mary grant Freeman on people yes what
I tried their system when the truth is I
love Ronnie and I will wait the rest of
my life for him if that's what it takes
such a cliche the sexiest Aaron love
with her both should do anything for him
you're right a secretary saw in love
particular you never leave a drama
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what Jesus Christ if blood moons this
vicar Tristan had a picture of Jesus on
the back of his phone case and his photo
I've just seen on the internet but the
phone case he was losing on the night he
I don't understand
receives a call from the TV phone on the
night he was killed would have checked
his own records Sarah are you sure
phone case with TB on the back when his
initials a TT TB Terrence files heavy
silver said that that was just in this
name of Terrence files if they're I have
to go thank you thank you idiot looking
for me miss raisin well join me for
dinner and then you can explain why
you think I'm in love with my boss it's
okay I'm used to this kind of nonsense
if you're middle-aged and single
desperate one I am loyal and protective
of Richard Benson he's been very good to
anything for him but commit murder I
want to know more about this complicated
relationship of yours you're engaged or
maybe you're not but either way you're