Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 4, Episode 15 - Sons of Mars - full transcript

[Mouse squeaks]

[Penguins wenk]

[All cheering]

[Screeches]

♪ Adventure Time ♪

♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go to very distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the Dog
and Finn the Human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ It's Adventure Time ♪
Ripped By mstoll

[whistles]



Hey, friend.

Don't be afraid.

I'm a child like you,
running wild and crazy.

[Laughs]

[Gasps]
Hold on. Wow.

A falling star.

It's too far, though.

♪ Magic! ♪

You're welcome.

Hmm. Ah.

There.

Wait.

Oh, glob.

He is here somewhere,
my brothers.



Glob, can you see Magic Man
on the sensor?

Yes, Gob. Our little brother
is very close.

- Hey, flip me.
- Okay.

I'm gonna activate the thingy
that drains his magic juice.

[Groans]
My juice!

Not... flowing... right.

Dream on, honey.

You can't catch this.

[Panting]

Magic away!

[Pshew!]

[Whap!]

I think I see him.

Yes, I see him, as well.

- Hey, guys.
- BOTH: What, Glob?

Nothing. Never mind.

[Panting]

Wait. Wait.
Shh, shh! Shush!

I... wasn't...

You hear that?

It was totally silent
for like a whole second.

Huh. Oh, yeah.
Cool.

Sometimes we get
so wrapped up battling stuff,

we forget to...

[all grunt]

[Groans]

[Gasps]

Ooh!

[Moans]

Waaa... zoo!

Hey.

Shhhhhh.

[Smack!]

ALL:
Arise.

Magic Man, you caused nothing
but turmoil and chaos

for us on Mars.

We thought banishing you
to this world would help you

see the light
of our utopian super-society.

Now, tell us...
what have you learned

in these past 200 years?

Are you guys
talking to me?

You know you made life
on Mars a nightmare.

[Groans]

Now we must return you
to Mars,

where vengeance
awaits thee.

That's not...

Magic Man! Get up!

Did it work? Is he gone?

Yep.
[Grunts]

They took my friend to Mars!

Fly me there
and help me save him!

Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't.

You see?
The transfer drained me.

I can probably barely float.

So I just got to wait
'til they kill your friend.

See ya!
[Laughs]

- No!
- Whoa!

What do you mean
"kill"?

They're gonna put him
on trial for my crimes.

Ain't nobody gonna pardon
these crimes on my head...

not even the king of Mars!

And once he's dead,

my magic juice will return
to my body...

flowing through me
like moonlight

through the ghost
dance.

- Squeeze!
- [Groans]

I wish I could help...

except I don't!

You succubutt!

♪ Come on,
let's go to my house ♪

♪ Come on, let's go
to my house! ♪

[grunting]

[Groaning]

[Thud!]

How long have you had
this house?

Yes, that is true!

Well, I bet
there's something here

that can help me
save Jake.

There is, but you'll never
make it work.

What?! Where is it?!

I don't know!
Have you seen my trash palace?

Yeah, what's the deal?
This place is wrecked.

Ewww!
Ew!!

What am I stepping in?

That's where I blow my nose
all day.

Ugh!

Yes, welcome to my tower
of light.

Everyone is welcome to share
this magic kingdom...

squirrels...

black mold...

worms...

poison ivy...

tiny manticore.

[Muffled]
Help me, you coward!

Magic Man, what is your
deal, for real?

You tell me.

Well, for one,
I think this house

is a reflection
of your sick brain.

Look at this. Yuck.

Who's this you're standing with
in this picture?

♪ Memories drift in and out
of my mind ♪

♪ And the little people
get left behind ♪

♪ So whatever ♪

All... right.

Well, I'm gonna keep digging
through this stuff

'til I find what
you're talking about.

It's downstairs.

- Huh? What?
- My special thing.

Whoa!
[Screams]

Holy crepes.

[Groans]

Ta-da!
Come on.

That's the thing...
my special thing.

A Martian transporter.

[Gasps]
This can take me to Mars?!

Yeah.
My brothers gave it to me

when they banished me
to Earth.

They thought I'd learn love
and use it to go back home.

How do I do it?

You put your hands
on those thingies

and think stuff about
people.

But it's broken.
Hasn't worked in 200 years.

But...
it has to work.

It has to.

For Jake.

[Transporter powers up]

Huh-duh?!

Yaaaaaaaah!

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[Laughing]
Whoa!

[Transporter shuts off]

Citizens of Mars,

King of Mars...

today, the most notorious fiend
in Martian history

stands before us...
Magic Man.

[Panting]

[Gasps]
Stop!

[Grunting]

Turn on the dark.

Okay, so we don't have footage
of these crimes,

but Grod's pretty good
at drawing, so...

"Plague of Shadows."

Magic Man brought
our shadows to life.

They attacked us
and ravaged Mars.

Very impressive, Grod.

Thanks, bro.

To the "Plague of the
One-ness."

As we gathered to hold hands
and sing our community song,

Magic Man cast an evil spell

that made our arms
grow together.

Much suffering ensued.

And what about that one time

when he turned all the water
into hair

and we all got so thirsty,
we drank it?

And when we drank it,
we went bald?

Many of us did not recover
and, to this day,

hide our loss
behind groovy headgear.

Dark off, please.

Magic Man, it bums me out
to see this.

I remember when
you were really cool,

before that night you spent on
Olympus Mons with Margles.

[Grunts]

Aw, man!

[Tapping]
Force field.

What happened, Magic?

Why did you go crazy?

If you had just learned to care
about living things again,

you could have come back
whenever you wanted.

Well... you guys are missing
some important details.

I'm Jake the dog.
Listen.

[Barking]

You sad Magic Man.

Instead, you bummed around Ooo

acting like a jerk
for 200 years.

Yeah, that's true,
except I'm not Magic Man!

Now! Ready the Wand
of Disbursement!

ALL:
Ready.

Space dome, open!

Oh, snap!

[Gulps]

Magic Man, I give you
two choices...

one is total
annihilation.

The wand will touch you,

and your soul
will meet with death.

The second is to use
the power of the wand

to convert your body
to living stardust,

where your consciousness
will be jettisoned

into the infinite cosmos

on an endless journey of wonder
and discovery!

Wow. That second one
sounds pretty cool.

I mean, yeah, I'm like way
into that.

Except... ohh... I would really
miss my best friend.

His name is Finn.

And I think it would mess him up
if I wasn't around.

Wait... did you say
you would miss someone?

Yeah.

And that someone
would miss you?

Yeah, that's me,
you dishrags!

[Grunts]

[All groan]

[Screaming]

[Poof!]

I win again!
Just like always!

[Gasps]
Jakey, no!

[Gasps]
Look.

[Gasps]
It's the dog.

The one you were prophesied
to meet.

I don't care none
for that mess!

This wouldn't have glomped
if you'd just listened to my bro!

You bunked up, King of Mars!

The wisest, most honest super
being of all time

just put an innocent dog
to deads!

You're right,
Finn the Human.

My judgment was less
than the standard

by which I judge
my peers.

Of which I have none.

I will retrieve your friend
from the 37th dead world.

Ooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaah!

Death.

King of Mars.
What's your business?

I need this one back.

Hmm.
What will you give me for him?

[Twinkle!]

[Laughs]
Not this time, your majesty.

[Laughs]

In that case, I offer
my immortality.

Deal.

[Rattle!]

[Bang!]

[Groans]
Huh?

Hey! I'm alive!

Yay!
King of Mars saved you!

[Cheering]

Yes, but at what cost?

Oh, man.

Should we go get Magic Man?

No. I lost a friend.

I cannot lose my brother,
as well.

ALL:
Hey, what? Where did they go?

Eat my skids!

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Oh, Margles.

FINN:
Magic Man!

Huh?

Bam!

[Muffled]
You're back, coward!

Go! Get out of here,
tiny manticore!

Whatevs!
I didn't need your pity help!

Geez. What?

I am the true coward.

Hiding from sincere expressions

like a vampire in the nude

who hides from the light.

Thank you, brave hero.

I was freed from bottle jail,

but my new prison is shame.

My new prison is shame!

What's he saying?

He said, "my new prison
is shame."

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

♪ We can wander through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪
Ripped By mstoll