Adventure Time (2010–2018): Season 3, Episode 8 - Wizard Battle - full transcript

♪ Adventure Time ♪

♪ Come on, grab your friends ♪

♪ We'll go to very
distant lands ♪

♪ With Jake the dog

and Finn the human ♪

♪ The fun will never end ♪

♪ It's Adventure Time ♪

♪ The battle for supremacy
amongst masters of magic ♪

♪ Wizard Battle! ♪

Jake.

Wizard Battle is starting soon.



I know!

We got here six hours
early, you dork.

Just wake me up when they
start selling hot dogs.

Whoa! What do you know?

The wizards are arriving!

Whoo-hoo! YeahH

Ladies and gentlemen...

I am the grand master
wizard of ceremonies.

And now... the rules!

Contestants will fight each other
with spells from the eight

schools of magic.

No science, Science Whyzard!

No weapons, Weaponhead!

Hmph!



To enter Wizard Battle,
you must be ...a wizard!

Whoo, only wizards allowed!

Whoo! Whoo!

Wh... oh, what?

Ice King!

Boo!

You're a contestant?

Mm-hmm.

You guys come here
to watch me win?

You're gonna lose, man.

You're a loser.

Ha!

I'm not gonna lose.

I've got a foolproof
plan for winning.

I'm gonna cheat.

And now, L's and G's,
witness the unveiling of

this tournament's Grand Prize...

A kiss... from
Princess Bubblegum...

on the mouth!

Boo! Boo!

Hmm.

Is it an open-mouth kiss?

No!

Then I choose to
exit the battle.

Yeah.

Yeah.

No one is allowed to
exit Wizard Battle!

The doors are shut!

The sky barrier is in place!

All of you will kiss the
Princess or die in battle!

Oh, I just can't wait to
taste that sweet Bubblegum.

Jake, we got to enter the
contest and stop Ice King!

But we're not wizards, mang.

What about the sanctity and
honor of Wizard Battle'?

I'd rather sanctify PB's lips.

Ooh! You don't care
about the Ice King...

You just want to kiss
Princess Bubblegum.

No, I want to save the Princess!

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, you do.

I do!

Yeah, you do.

Oh, shush!

Now... where's the Ice King?

Over there!

Oh, yeah.

We need a plan, man.

Okay, when the wizards
start to battle,

let's go hide behind that rock.

By the rays of the setting sun,
the battle of wizards has...

begun!

Looks like everyone
had the same plan.

What are they waiting for?

The opposites.

Huh?

The wizards with opposite powers
will take each other on first.

And... are you a wizard?

Yes. My name is... Abracadaniel!

Ugh!

Hi, Abracadaniel.

My name is, uh...

Magic, uh, Fist.

Whoa, this kid
looks like a wimp.

Who is that?

He's my uh, magic second head.

Well, he's right.

I only entered this contest

'cause I thought the
prize would be money,

but it's just a kiss!

You mean... you don't
care about kissing PB?

Ugh, no Way!

If I were the winner, I would
turn my face so our lips

Wouldn't touch, and I
would push Princess away.

Turn... and push!

Turn... and push!

Turn... and push!

This guy is great!

Turn... and push!

Well, I'm going back to my cave
to wait for someone to kill me.

Good bye.

Wait! Abracadanny, don't
you worry about a thing.

I'm gonna protect you.

You will?

Yeah, man.

Also, I have an idea for how you
can help me save PB's lips.

Um, okay.

Aaah!

Oh! Look, opposites
are going to battle.

Hyah!

Cheating!

He's using a weapon!

Why isn't the Grand
Wizard seeing this?

Nunchucks, vanish!

Booyah!

Now's my chance to stop him!

Ooh.

Aaah!

Rock Wizard!

Come to be, Meteor shower!

Rock Wizard compels you!

Cantrip!

Huh?

Mm!

Aah!

No!

Jake, 2 o'clock!

Okay, now to stop
the Ice Ki-i-i-ng?

My body is squishy.

That's how I survived.

Whoa!

That's turbo amazing!

Hyah!

Whaaaa!

Stay close to me, Abracadaniel.

Aaah!

Cantrip!

What?!

You turned me pink, Bro!

Ugh!

Three wizards remain!

Time to get real!

I want to see some
crazy Wiz Biz!

Wiz Biz! Wiz Biz!

Oh, I can almost taste
those sweet lips!

Wlllah! Wlllah!

Quick, listen!

Now's the time for
you to help me!

Hey, guys. Guys?

What are you whispering?

Come on!

I got a surprise
for youse fools!

Yeah, that's right.

Just a little closer.

Ooh, what's in here, in
my little sleevie hole?

Watch out, man!

Whoo!

You got this, Danny Boy!

My nunchucks! No!

Yes!

I did it!

I really did it!

I'm a true wizard!

I have powers too, you butts!

Hyah!

Ice sword!

Ice shield!

Abracadaniel!

What? What'd you say?

Ohm

Good job, Danny.

You're not a wimp anymore.

You should feel pretty good.

I do.

I feel real good!

I'm gonna forfeit now.

I only wanted to
stop the Ice King.

Unh-unh.

I forfeit!

I forfeit, everyone!

Whoa!

Abracadaniel wins!

You are the greatest
wizard in Ooo!

Oh! Ooh!

Oh, thank you, Grand
Master Wizard.

I guess, through this trial, I
have become a great wizard.

I-I came here with no
self-esteem and no chances,

a willow wisp of a boy, but I
walk out of this arena a man,

a confident man who deserves
a kiss from a Princess!

No-o-o-o-o-o!!

It appears you have knocked out
Abracadaniel using the most

shameful of all magic,
a power shriek.

But since you are
the last wizard,

you are the winner
of Wizard Battle!

Go get ready for
your kiss, champ.

Wow, man!

What?

I never heard you scream
like that before.

You were all like, "No-o-o-o-o!

No one kisses her but me-e-e-e!"

Yeah, okay, I want to kiss her, all right?
You got me!

The big secret is out!

Okay, Jake! I like
Princess Bubblegum!

Are you happy, Jake?!

Whoa. Jake, don't cry, man.

I'm not really mad at you.

I'm just sick of having to
hide my feelings all the driz.

It's exhausting.

Then stop hiding
your feelings, man.

Go out there and smooch it up!

Yeah, all right, man.

You ready in there?

Yeah, I'm comin'!

♪ Get ready for the
ultimate prize ♪

♪ Watch her lips pout
before your eyes ♪

♪ Never in your life would
you dream of this ♪

♪ Never in your freaking life ♪

Ugh!

Whoa!

Ow, dag.

What's going on here?

Uh, Ice King was
cheating his way through

Wizard Battle using nunchucks,

so Jake and I faked being
wizards to save you from

having to kiss him.

And... and we...

I dishonored Wizard Battle.

Oh, Finn, you did
all that for me?

That's for being sweet...

and that's for cheating.

Finn, you know better than
to ruin the sanctity of

Wizard Battle!

Wizards only, silly.

Okay, everyone, go home!

Start getting ready
for next year!

Meh.

Oh, well.

Good job.

You got the kiss, man.

Thanks, man.

My face hurts a little.

Don't worry about that,
'cause you look totally cool

right now.

Thanks, dude.

Here, you try 'em.

Okay. Am I cool now?

So fly.

How about me?

Put me on the grid,
scale of 1 to 10.

1 is "Totally gross."

10 is like, "Dang, Ice King,
you look crazy si-i-ck!"

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ And the butterflies and bees ♪

♪ We can wander
through the forest ♪

♪ And do so as we please ♪

♪ Come along with me ♪

♪ To a cliff under a tree ♪