Adult Material (2020–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

Stayin' Alive by Tropical
Fuck Storm

Why does she do this to me?

How we doing?

I'm so sorry. You're like the
sexiest woman in the world to me.

I literally wank over you
every night. I dunno what's...

Don't you inject? All right, lovely!

Neil... Lee.

Just, er...take a minute, eh?
Sort yourself out.

Sabs, go and get a bite to eat
or something.

Hello, baby!

Hi, babes.



Mwah!

Are you finished?

He don't inject.

Fuck sake.
Do you know what I mean, though?

Late again, Jo. I got a flat tyre!

Oh, of course you did.

Well, go on. I wanna be ready in 15.

Jesus' nads!

She used to work in Pret A Manger.
Makes you think, doesn't it?

Oi, love you.

Love you too, darling.
Now, stir those stubs.

What's that, mate? Wet string?

Is your chest still bad, babe?

Ugh, a bit. Dave made me soup. Aww.



Jo, this is Amy.

She wanted to say hello.

Hi, sweetheart. Oh.

I like your top. Where's that from?

Aw, is it...River Island. I dunno.

It's nice. It really suits you.

You.

You take two of these now.

Two in four hours.

When you get home, boil the kettle,
towel over your head,

a drop of Olbus Oil, spoonful of
honey and an early night. OK?

OK. Promise me?

I said OK!

She loves me really.

I can't help it, I'm a mummy.

Amy's shooting with you later.

She's, like, two hours early. Aww!

Have you ever shot with Bang Cherry
before?

She's never shot with anyone
before. Oh.

Oh, you'll be great.

Did you want a coffee?

No, thanks. I've got this.

What's that? Hot chocolate with
hazelnut syrup.

Oh, very good. All the food groups.

I like sweet things.

Sabs...can you please just give
the poor bastard a hand?

So we can all get home
before midnight.

Good luck!

Sabs, sorry about this, babe...

Sorry!

Staring. Sorry.

It's just my boyfriend worships you.

Aww!

So, this is your first shoot,
is it? Yeah.

I'm a dancer. I was in
Spice Up Your Life.

It's a Spice Girls tribute band.

I was playing Scary but it's just
so weird,

cos I'm so much more of a Baby.

Right. Yeah, that is weird.

Yeah. But I wanna get more into,
like, choreography, because...

..as a dancer, your career ends
basically when you're, like, 35.

Right, yeah. Same here!

So, how come you wanted to get
into this, then?

Tore a meniscus, haven't I?

Have you? Yeah.

I won't have to do kneeling, will I?

I can go on all fours.

I just can't put my weight
on this knee,

cos then it'll set the
physio back... Sorry.

Sorry, it's just...

I can't believe this.

You're Jolene Dollar.

I wasn't just saying that.

I actually... I can't kneel.

Oh, no. Of course.

I love sex.

Who'd you have to fuck to get a
cuppa tea round here?

Well, that is a good place to start.

What it is, we got the
planning permission,

but because the work's
taking so long,

the neighbours have built
this...like...conservatory.

Oh, so they were overlooked,
were they?

Yeah, we'd to take the whole Velux
out and move it again. Did you?

Yeah, it was a nightmare.

Do the whites tonight,
colours in the morning,

hang them out before
the school run,

get that mince out the freezer for
tonight, iron Phoebe's shirts.

Mind your backs, then.
Watch yourself.

Mommy Complex by Peaches

Turn over.

And...action.

Ooh, yeah.

My account number?

894463.

12th of April 1985.

Zanzibar.

What's the pop shot?

Facial.

Still rolling.

All right. Go for it, mate.

Aw, you're a star.

Your tits look so good today, Nads!

Yeah, all right.

Well done, babe.

Aw, cheers. Oh.

Are you happy?

Now, there's a question.

You met Amy?

I did. She can't kneel.

She has to kneel. It's the key shot.

Well, she can't. So don't make her.

You coming to Carroll's on Sunday?

No.

Sunday's family day. Bring 'em.

He's got some American talent over.
Wants to impress them.

He said you were mandatory.

Oh.

So you're not asking me,
you're telling me.

Who is it?

Tom Pain.

You know him?

No.

No, I don't know him.
I've met him...

..I don't know him.
Why's he coming over?

Well, Carroll's mates with him,
isn't he?

And Tom's with Hazewire,
same as Carroll.

Hazewire want them to shoot some
content together.

Vertical integration, innit?

Are you all right?

No, just...

..I didn't think that Carroll would
be mates with someone like Tom.

You know he vomits in girls' mouths?

He dresses them up as little girls

and puts braces on...
Yeah, they look young.

Yeah, they LOOK about 11.

They're meant to look about 11.

Some of them actually say,
"I am 11."

He's on my No List. Yeah.

Well, I think I got that.

Dave, we're ready for you.

Kiss Me, Honey Honey, Kiss Me
by Shirley Bassey

Aww, no joy?

Right, slip these down for me,

cos you don't want marks
before we shoot.

And is your mascara waterproof,
yeah? Mm-hmm.

So, I've been thinking about
my name.

Yeah? Close your eyes.

Yeah, um...

I was thinking...

..Hailey something?

Just cos when I was little,
I always wanted to be called Hailey.

Just... I love that name.

That's my real name. Is it?! Yeah.

Oh, my God... Close your eyes.

Sorry, but how old are you?

33.

Thank God for Botox.

But you don't need to worry
about all that.

I didn't start till
I was about 24, 25.

The last home I was in, one of the
workers had so much Botox

the younger kids just, like, freaked
out whenever she was on-duty.

Right, we're ready to start
soft-core stills.

Er, Amy, we'll start with you first.

Oh. Good luck, baby.

OK. Where's stepmum?

Jo!

Did you consent to everything that
happened

during the shoot today? Yes. Yes.

Were you hurt in any way during the
shoot? No. No.

Did you feel like you were raped
during the shoot? No. No!

Sorry. It's all right.

They have to ask.

Oh, my God...

Thank you so much!

Seriously, that was like...
You were brilliant.

Least you got it in the end.

Took 40 minutes to come.
That's just rude.

I can look for someone.

Hey, baby. What's up?

We've got another scene to shoot.

Chantelle's just rung. Some shit
about her Fallopian tubes bursting.

I thought Amy might want a go.

But she's not sure.

What's the scene?

It's her first day, mate.

I know, I know.

I mean, if you don't fancy it,
it's totally... I mean...

Nobody's gonna hold it against you.

Can you guys just give us a second?

Meet you in the car, babe.

See ya later. Bye, baby.

Dave meant that, you know?

They're all sound. No-one's gonna
be cross if you don't wanna do it.

Uhh...

..how much d'you get for it?

Well, you...have to factor in
depreciation.

First time you do it you get extra.

And after that it's just your
flat day rate. What do you get?

I don't do it.

I mean, I do. I do it,
but I don't...

I won't do it on camera.

It's different when I started,
though.

Long-term, now when you're starting
out, you don't have to do it.

But it is gonna limit your career,
so...

And if you do do it,
you have to make sure

you get as much money as you can

because you won't get that again.

And once you've done it that's it.

It's like McDonald's. Once it's on
the menu, it's not coming off.

And you will need an enema.

And a little drink, probably.
To relax you.

D'you think...

Could you stay for a bit?

Aw, don't be daft. The guys'll take
care of you. Who's the scene with?

Um... Nads? Who's the scene with?

Uhh, Simon.

Simon Craig?

Simon... Hairy Simon.

Oh. Oh, well, that's good,
cos he's lovely.

And he's big, but he's not, like,
really big.

Be like doing it with your
boyfriend.

You have done it with
your boyfriend?

Uhh... I mean, we've done
a lot of stuff. Just not...that.

I don't have a thing about it.
Just, my mate, Danielle,

she says it's an exit,
not an entrance.

She doesn't wanna do it, mate.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Carroll's gonna fucking flay me.
I can't even...

Listen, I would help you out...
No, I know.

Anyway, it's Doctor Simon's TEEN
Anal Violation Show

we need, you know? Sure.

Greener banana. Yeah, no, I got it.
Cheers for that.

I told him not to bring that
fucking thing on set.

Hey, sorry I'm late. All right, Si?

Oh, she's gorgeous. Yeah.

Oh, sorry, are you allergic?
Nah, it's hay fever.

I'm coming!

Dave? Do not talk her into it, OK?

Not on her first day.
Yeah, no, of course.

I get it.

She doesn't wanna do it.

Where are you two going?

Shopping.

Snack by Ms Banks

You all right?

Yeah.

Off!

Wash your hands. Dinner.

I did my Father Christmas letter.
It's June, Iz!

Phoebs, I did say no phones at the
tables.

Gabe, can you turn it off
please, darling?

Can I stay at Angel's tonight?
Her mum's away.

Yeah. But bed by 11.

Go wash your hands. Want
me to get the washing off the line?

That's all right, I can do it.
You get off. Don't forget.

It's supposed to rain.
I won't forget.

Kids, say bye to Nanny. Bye, Nan.

Thanks, sweetheart.

Hey. You all right?

Gabe, not at the table, mate.
You know that.

All right, Angel? Didn't know you
were here. Hi.

I'm gonna take mine upstairs
if that's all right, darling?

I'll put a shift in on your Twitter.
All right. See you tomorrow.

Thanks, Mum.

Oh...and the, er...the foot guy...

..emailed again. He's getting a bit
impatient now.

I know. OK.

Hayley, I said I'm not eating carbs.

OK. Well, then you can eat pesto out
of a jar, babe,

because I'm not
cooking two meals of an evening.

Oh, and I have got a bone to pick
with you, actually.

I was running round like a
blue-arsed fly

for half an hour this morning,

trying to find my fake lashes.
And where were they?

You'd already worn them.

Excuse me, they are 6.50 a pop.

I don't just wear them once and
then throw them away, you know.

Gabe, I said, turn it off.

Angel's mum came to the school
today.

Did a talk about writing
Dress To Kill.

She won't let us even watch it.

Well, I did hear that it's very
good.

It's just I don't really like
the violence.

Iz, can you cut it out and eat your
dinner?

It's not even that violent.

Oh, right. Well...
I only saw the bit

where they make the suit
out of the model's skin, so...

..maybe I got the wrong idea.

Did you want cheese, Angel?

Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?

He's so out of your league.
You know that, right?

My feet hurt so much.

I need to take my shoes off.

Being an air stewardess, I'm on my
feet all day.

Oh, my God, they're so smelly!

They really stink.

He wants you to put it in
your mouth.

Hmm.

Mum? Fuck.

Mum! What is it, darling?

I think I've got worms again.

Is it little white things?

Yeah. In your poo?

Yes. Yeah, that's worms.

Go and wash your hands.
I'll be down in a minute.

OK, do you want to just do
the sign-off?

And then you can pick up the rest in
the morning. Yep. OK?

Ready?

Action.

I hope you enjoyed watching this.

I really enjoyed making it.

Say his name. You've gotta say his
name.

I hope you enjoyed watching this.

I really enjoyed making it, Gary.
Glenn.

Mum! For fuck's sake.

Don't they worry about you finding
out, though?

She knows I know.

She told me when I was 11,
but I already knew anyway.

I mean, they all fit really well.

At school, people are all wankers.

Just have to laugh.
It's all right if you laugh.

We wouldn't be able to afford to go
to our school otherwise.

Do you watch porn, then?

Yeah.

Well, I mean, a bit.

Come round and press X to tackle
this guy.

What's up? You got hay fever?

I think it's conjunctivitis.
One of Izzy's mates has got it.

I've seen Phoebe's itching, too.

Oh, should probably get to the
doctor, then.

Hm. Yeah?

So, why do you watch porn, then?

OK, well...

If I tell you, do you promise
you're not gonna...

..you know, like, judge me?

OK, well, basically...

..it's really hard for me to say,

but I just really...

..enjoy wanking.

It feels good to finally say it.
Moron.

Your cute little face.

So small, I just wanna...

Would you still fancy me if
I looked like this?

Yes.

Say, "Sausages."

Sausages.

It's fine.

It's all right. You're tired.

Just lie down.

Take your knickers off.

So when I was 14, this game
started at school,

Who could snap my bra.

It went on for ages.

One day, I just lost it.

It was Shaun Feeney.

I chucked a chair at him.

I walked out and went up
the park.

I was sat on this bench for
ages.

Then this bloke came and sat
next to me.

I could feel him looking at me.

So I looked at him

and he grinned.

And he had his cock out.

Just, like, lying
in his News Of The World.

Anyway, I ran home to Mrs Owens
next door,

cos Mum was, you know,

out of it.

And I told her

and she laughed.

And she said to me,

"One day, Hayley, you won't be
14 years old.

"And teenage boys won't care about
you.

"And builders won't whistle.

"And dirty old men won't even look
at you.

"And when that day comes, do you
know how you'll feel?"

She said...

.."You'll feel like a fucking
ghost."

You're gorgeous, babe.
You know you are.

Where's this coming from?

I dunno.

This new girl, Rich.
I shouldn't have left her.

She just made me feel
so fucking old.

All right.

OK, you're knackered.

Get some sleep.

Shit, did you hang Izzy's Airtex
out?

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're a life saver.

I like sweeping.

Dad, where's my PE kit?

It's by the back door.

What are you doing?

Waking you up.

You're going to be late.

You looked so sexy here.

I couldn't help it.

Are you wearing a condom?

Does that mean yes?

Paulie?

I love you, Pheebs.

Sorry, is that...?

I've just...

I've been thinking about it for ages
and didn't have the guts to...

Oh, it's proper awkward now,
isn't it?

No.

No, it's...

I love you, too.

Hi, Amy, babe, it's Jolene.

Erm, just trying you again.

Sorry I missed you.

Hope everything's OK.

Erm, yeah, gimme a call back.

Hayley Burrows, room three.

OK, Hayley, so you've tested
positive for chlamydia.

What?

You've never had it before?

No.

No, not in my eye.

Well, it's on the rise.
Teenage girls mostly.

But... Anyway, not to worry,

you know, same job, I'll put you on
a course of antibiotics.

Should see some improvement soon.

All right, thank you.

And, Hayley, if you can,

try and keep bodily fluids
away from the area.

I like it, man.

Oi, Pheebs.

Oh, my God, what is that?

Get it away. It's rank.

Well...you came out of it, love.

Oh!

What?

Should have told me, Cam, would've
got you a discount.

OK, well, he bought it, so...

He's being a prick, Phoebe.

Just ignore him.

Hey, Pheebs, you should ask your mum
if you could borrow her razor.

Shut up, Cam, you fucking knob.

Pheebs, I didn't...

He nicked my phone. What?

Hey, look, I like a bit of grass on
the wicket.

Go on, then! Go on, then!

Hi, Amy, baby, it's me
again, Jolene.

Erm, I just wanted to, erm...

Sorry. Do you know what, I'm sure
you're fine

but, erm, anyway can you just give
us a bell?

OK, love you.

Ooh-arrgh.

Sorry, are you all right?

No, Dave, I've got chlamydia in my
eye, so not really.

It must have been one of them guys
from last week.

I thought you said they all had
clean tests.

They did. Definitely. I wouldn't put
you on camera

with someone who had... Yeah, well,
obviously you did.

Shit.

I'm really sorry, Jo.

I'll look into it, yeah.

Have you spoke to Amy today?

Not since yesterday. Why?

What happened with that scene? Who'd
you get?

Amy changed her mind.

Really?

How come?

Same old.

More money.

Why aren't you at school?

I forgot.

It's take your daughter to work day.

They said I could have it off.

Yeah. Funny.

Sweetheart, erm, this is a bit...

Erm...

I've got chlamydia.

It's in my eye.

I think we need to get you
checked out, too.

What?

I haven't got it.

Yeah, well, you did nick
my eyelashes,

and you've been itching your eye
quite a bit,

so I think it's best we get you
checked out.

It's pretty contagious.

I'm really sorry, baby.

I can get you a prescription.

Anyway, that'll teach you not to use
my stuff without asking, won't it?

Hm?

I am really sorry, baby. I know
you're probably upset.

I am!

I am upset.

I'm upset you won't stop finding
ways to sell your fucking snatch.

Pheebs, are you all right?

Fuck off.

Can I come in?

No.

Why do you do that?

Why do you ask when you're just
going to do what you want anyway?

What is going on?

Eh?

If I tell you...

..do you promise to be
normal about it?

OK.

I didn't go to Angel's last night.

I stayed at Paulie's.

I stay there loads, it's not a
big deal.

OK.

Is that...?

Are you two...?

Yeah.

But you are using...? Yeah.

OK.

Well, I'm glad you told me.

Yeah, but...

..I woke up this morning and...

..he was...

He was having sex with me.

OK.

Did you tell him to stop?

No.

It was so awkward.

OK, and had you...?

Were you doing it last night?

Yeah, but... No, it's just cos the
thing is

it's really difficult for boys.

They're not mind readers, babe.

So, in future, you just have to be
really, really clear

about what your dos and
don'ts are, yeah?

OK?

Yeah.

Oh, come here.

Love you.

Silly sausage.

Oi.

Love you.

Yeah.

Love you, too.

Hello again. Hi, Carroll! Not got a
drink? I've had a Fanta.

I'm on these painkillers, so...

Oh. Nothing serious, I hope.
No, just my knees.

I'm a dancer.
See, I could have guessed that.

You've got a dancer's deportment.

Are you having a nice time? Yes!
Good.

I like people to have a nice time.

I can't have a nice time myself...

..unless everyone else is,
you know?

I'm a pack animal. Yeah,
it's good having it on a Sunday.

I never know what to do
with my Sundays. Oh, I love Sundays.

People always get excited
about Friday nights but to my mind,

Sunday is the sexiest
day of the week

because somewhere in the back
of your brain, it still feels wrong.

How's the temperature? Oh.

I've got a boyfriend. Lucky
boyfriend. What's his name? Michael.

Does Michael have a big cock?

Oh, no.

Come along, young lady. I'll
follow you in. I just love the rain.

See you later. Bye.

Come on, everyone. Inside.

I'm glad you asked that question

because I like using brand-new
girls...

You want a dab?

..because when you use a brand-new
girl, she's fresh.

She hasn't yet learned that fatal
word

that you never want to hear on a
movie set...

Can we just change this
for a second?

..And that is "no"... What time are
you expecting it to land, then?

"No" doesn't
exist on Tom Pain's set.

Aw!

All right, cheers, keep you posted.

At last! Captain Jack Sparrow
graces us with her presence.

I'm not stopping.

It's all right, Tom's not coming. He
flies tonight. Oh, that's a shame.

You're pissed off at me, I can tell.

Oh, my God, are you, like, psychic?

I can't not work with everyone
you ever had a bad date with, Jo-Jo.

It wasn't a bad date.
Anyway, it's not me, OK?

They want me and Tom to breed,
transatlantic trade partnership.

I'm Prince Harry,
he's Meghan Markle.

Double the market, double the money.
Come on.

You used to hate them
as much as I do.

Jo, you're on every one of their
sites.

Yeah, because they nicked my
content.

They nicked your content before they
bought you.

They did not nick my content.

They're liars and they're thieves
and I know he's your mate,

but Tom Pain is a fucking arsehole.

I'm not shooting with him.

Oh, no, of course not, sweetheart.

I'm sorry, really.

But for what it's worth, I think
he's a bit misunderstood.

It's a persona, it's not him.

I just don't think that looking
at shit through a speculum

is that sexy, personally.
Doesn't have to be sexy,

it just has to be something
you've never seen before.

By the way, we need to talk
about you doing an anal. This again?

I told you, no. Come on,
it's only one scene.

What's so special about your
arsehole?

It's mine, and it's not for sale.

You're looking gorgeous. I love ya.

Listen, this new girl Amy,
I'm worried... She's fine.

She's inside. Is she? Yeah.
They're all in there, babe.

They don't care about Tom Pain,

they're waiting for you,
didn't you know that?

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I just had this feeling something
awful was going to happen.

Come on, come inside. Say hello. OK,
but one drink, all right?

Just a thimble.

Hello, babies!

I'm making espresso martinis.
Who wants one?

When did this happen?

Oh, it's fine,
just a little... setback.

What is up with your eye?
It's nothing, baby.

So what happened?

I didn't think you
wanted to do the scene. It's fine.

They paid me, like, a grand
and it was two hours.

But your knees, sweetheart.
What about your dancing?

I'm going to get a drink.

You OK?

She's on fucking crutches, Dave.
She wanted to do it.

Carroll upped the money. It was her
first day. The fuck it was.

Don't be soft. How do you know?
Trust me, I know. How?

Because people don't do rosebud
scenes

on their first day on the job.

Yeah. It just happened.

Carroll's really excited.
Yeah, well...

Anal prolapse, that's very exciting,
that is.

Can I speak to you for a second,
please?

Right. I'm not fresh off the boat,
Dave, I get it, seriously.

But when I first started...

I know, darling. It was 2001 and
storylines were still in fashion.

It was all satin sheets
and candlelight

and everyone treating your cunt
like it was the Taj Mahal.

Yeah, so if my arse had fallen out,
you would have called a doctor,

not gone in for a bloody close-up.

I was there, mate,
in the good old days,

and you were a fucking train wreck.

This isn't about me,
this is about Amy.

What are you jealous of her for?
She'll do six months, that'll be it.

I'm not, that is not
what this is about.

Well, I've got Carroll breathing
down my neck

killing myself trying to find
something

we can get people to pay for

when everybody wants
everything for free.

Fucking hell.
This is a waste of MDMA.

If you're so worried about it,
I'll show you. Here.

See for yourself.

Action.

Oh! Yeah, fuck me in the arse,
Dr Simon.

You want it,
you dirty little nurse, don't you?

You OK?

Oh!

You OK?

OK.

Oh, yeah!

Put it in her mouth.

Dave... you all right? Sorry.

It's not your fault.

Happy now? Amy, sweetheart...
Fuck off, all right?

Whoa! Easy. Give her a hand.

Oh, my God.

That's it.

Shh.

She's not cut out for this.
She's fine.

She's highly strung, that's all.
I should take her home with me.

No, she's fine.
Let her sleep it off.

All right, tell her I'll be back
to get her in the morning, then.

She's shooting with Tom tomorrow.

No, she's not.

Oi. Love you.

Oh, hey. This is a nice welcome.

I figured you'd all still be in bed.

I'm Tom Pain, honey. Oh, I'm Amy.
I mean, come in. Thank you so much.

I'm like a vampire, you see,
sweetheart.

I have to wait to be
asked over the threshold.

Are you the housekeeper? No,
just... er... what time is it?

Oh, it's a little after five.
Looks like I missed a great party.

Do you want to go to sleep?

No, that's all right, I slept on
the aeroplane. Anyway, I'm a lark.

It'd be a sin to
miss your first sunrise in England.

I never visited before, you know?

No, no, I just need coffee
and a little breakfast and a shower

and then I need to eat your pussy.

Do you have eggs, sweetheart?

I... don't know.

You want to check?

No.

Aaagh!

Hushabye Mountain
by Bobbie Gentry

Subtitles by Red Bee Media