About a Boy (2014–2015): Season 2, Episode 8 - About a Christmas Card - full transcript

Hey!

Merry Christmas Eve, Will.
What are you doing?

You can't throw
these cards away.

These people took their
time to write you cards.

Look, there's Jasmine,
Jade, Robert Freeman.

Do you have a brother?

That's my father. Put
that back in the trash.

Marcus, put that back in
the garbage, right now!

"Dear William, Merry Christmas.
Dad."

Wow, what a nice... penmanship.

Who has nice penmanship?



Uh, Will just got a Christmas
card from his dad.

Oh, isn't that nice.

Oh, is that why your
house isn't decorated,

'cause you're gonna spend
Christmas with your dad?

No, I don't celebrate Christmas.

- What?
- How could you not celebrate

Christmas, it's the greatest
holiday of all time?

It is.

Okay, the day after
Thanksgiving,

every radio station, mall,
and restaurant in America

begins playing Runaway
Sleigh incessantly.

I can't leave my house
without hearing that song.

An awesome song, an even
more awesome songwriter.

I fail to see the issue.



The issue is, Marcus,
I despise that song

with the white hot anger
of a thousand suns.

And, for some reason, I just
don't feel like celebrating

an imaginary fat
man in a red suit.

Hey! Hey!

Imaginary? Santa's imaginary?

- No!
- Marcus still believes

- in Santa clause?
- He-yes, he do!

Now look, when he
says imaginary,

he doesn't mean it in
the sense of made up.

Do you?

He means, more, in the sense
that he's not often seen,

he's mysterious like a
Will-o'-the-wisp, like...

That's not the
definition of imaginary.

Ah, let's do more decorating
at home because it's very

depressing in here. Off you go.

Off you...

Any other dreams you'd
like to kill, Mr. Scrooge?

Yeah, bring him back in here,
I'll take care of unicorns

and Milli Vanilli, too.

Don't you dare.

Yeah, this website always has
the most heart-felt cards.

Man, snowflakes look much
lighter than they are.

So much glitter.

We need to settle
this thing, Will.

Why would I settle?
I wrote the song.

Stalker Stacey did
not write the song.

She is attempting
to steal my money.

I've been talking to her
lawyers all week and I finally

got them to agree to terms.

You only have to give her a tiny
percentage of your royalties.

A small taste.

Just let her get her
beak wet, Will.

Forget it, counselor,
I am not settling.

Will, you do not want
this to go to trial.

There's no telling what a jury
of your peers will decide.

I mean, aren't there more
important things in life

than money? It's
Christmas, Will.

I'm not giving her
a penny, okay?

Well, unless you
have hard evidence,

she's gonna own your house.

Evidence. Evidence,
evidence, evidence.

Evidence.

Evidence.

I am gonna give you some
evidence, counselor.

And we are going all the way.

We are gonna fight the good
fight, for justice, together.

No matter how long it takes.

Mr. Smith goes to Washington?

No, no, no, no,

Will Freeman is going
to Washington.

All right. Why don't
you just sign

the papers, cuckoo.

You got it!

Mm. Mm. Boop.

Okay.

Well, the joke's on you, Will,

because I brought tape!

Will, I figured out why
you don't like Christmas.

You don't like Christmas cause
you don't like Runaway Sleigh.

And you don't like
Runaway Sleigh,

cause you've gotten so sick of
hearing the same old version.

But here, check this out.

The new version by Nasty
Dog just dropped today.

Nasty Dog.

That's right, Nasty Dog.

Huh? Pretty good, huh, pal?

Covering your song?

Hey, long story short,
me, Laurie and the kids,

we're coming over to
Fiona's for Christmas.

And I know you don't like
celebrating Christmas with us,

no matter how many times I
get emotional when I ask,

but, we're gonna be so
close, you can come by,

we'll all spend Christmas
together, huh?

How's that sound?

That sounds about as
good as that song.

That means he's coming!

- Right.
- Don't start, I'm leaving.

First of all, rude.

Second of all, I need
you to watch Marcus

so I can go and fix the damage
you caused when you said

that Christmas wasn't real.

No, I can't, and how
am I supposed to know

that Marcus would be the
only 12-year-old in America

who still believes
in Santa Claus?

Oh, that's right, he was raised by Dr.
Strangemom.

We have been, essentially,
nomadic in our lives, Will,

but the one constant
that I have maintained

is a wonderful Christmas.

Therefore, you have
to watch Marcus.

Well, why don't you ask good
old Saint Nick to watch him?

I'm sure you still
believe in him, right?

I do, as a matter of fact.

Of course you do.

Well no, I believe in the
spirit of Santa Claus.

And by the way, I can't
believe you don't?

You wrote a song that
has instilled joy

into millions of people.

Uh, it was a writing
gig that hit big,

it means absolutely
nothing to me.

That's like a lottery winner
hating his lottery ticket.

- Hey, Will.
- Hey.

My mom says I'm with you
today because of the whole

fat man fiasco.

Oh, sorry, but no,
I'm on a mission.

It's not a request. My
mom doesn't think you're

very stable right now,
so I'm on suicide watch.

I'm your sanity elf. Hmm.

Okay, you can be my sanity
elf if you find my keys.

Check your left pocket.

I already checked
my left pocket...

Oh, excellent,
that's settled then.

- Oh, hey mom.
- Hello, darling.

Let's go! Chop, chop!

So if you find these
hand-written lyrics

then you can prove that you,
and you alone, wrote the song.

Uh, exactly.

- Yes.
- So you can keep the money,

even though you hate the song.

Now, you are getting it.
Oh, ho, ho, there it is!

Whoa. What is it?

That, miniature Tim, is
where my band, Sriracha,

lived, and rehearsed, and
partied, and did lots

of other stuff back in the day.

Wow.

Have you ever approached the
city about making this place

a historical landmark?

Tried to. A little
too much paperwork.

May I help you?

Uh, I got kind of
a weird request.

Oh, my God.

You're Will Freeman
from Sriracha!

- Yeah.
- Yo, come on in, man.

Guys, guys. Will Freeman,
the heart and soul

- of Sriracha's here, holy...
- Oh, hey boys.

Hey, thank you. Oh sweet...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no,
you can't have a beer.

Just let me hold it,
it's Christmas.

Okay, knock yourself out.

This my band, bro. We
got Anton, Pete, C.J.

Yo, yo, yo!

C.J., we had a T.J. That's nuts.

Sriracha are like
gods to us, bro.

Oh, that's awesome, look at
you, you got the posters.

Whatever happened
to you guys, man?

Things... I don't know, the...
the, I don't know,

life happened.

Yeah, the band broke up...
I'm not sure, exactly, when.

Oh, as the chief editor of
Sriracha's Wikipedia page,

I can' help with that.

The last known concert
appearance by Sriracha

was February 19th, 2005.

- There you go.
- Yeah, yeah.

So what've you guys
been doin' since, huh?

Oh, you know, this and
that, nothing much.

Oh, as chief editor of Will
Freeman's Wikipedia page,

I can help with that as well.

I don't think these guys wanna
hear about the boring details

of my life after
Sriracha, Marcus.

What's so boring about
writing Runaway Sleigh,

one of the most popular
Christmas songs of the decade?

You wrote Runaway Sleigh?

I'm not sure if that's a
good thing or a bad thing,

- but yeah, yeah I did.
- You sellout!

Bad thing, yeah, I was kinda
leaning that direction.

You destroyed Sriracha.

Uh, Runaway Sleigh had nothing
to do with Sriracha breaking up.

Get out!

Okay, well this has
been horrific.

Um, I'm gonna go upstairs to
your attic and get some boxes...

No, there's nothing
up in the attic, bro.

This woman came by about a year
ago, cleared out all the boxes.

Yeah, milady said she used to
play tambourine for you guys.

Okay.

Out of the house, sellout.

Okay, you gonna take my
beer and not the kid's?

I'm not gonna take
the kid's beer,

he didn't destroy Sriracha.

Stop, the sign on the
door says "closed."

Yeah, yeah, but the
door was open.

Well, most of our
customers can read.

Oh, well that's not nice, is it?

Now, we need a snow machine,
that's all we need.

It's Christmas Eve, the snow
machines have been sold out

for weeks. Yeah, but listen.

My son is starting not
to believe in the magic

of Christmas. And so,
if I can give him

a white Christmas
here in California,

that would restore his belief.

So please, you have to sell
me or rent me a snow machine.

- Please.
- And what about that baby,

- right there?
- It's a return.

It burnt someone's garage down.

Yeah, but you could fix
that, couldn't you?

You could fix it with your tool
belt, handy Andy Andy, come on.

Come on, with your
little tool belt?

How... how big of a fire
are we talking about?

Massive.

I have serious
doubts about that.

Okay, good, we'll take it.

Okay, so it's true Debby
Caruso played a little

tambo for Sriracha, but let's
just say she was more like

my main squeeze at the time.

Supermodel's face,
dancer's body,

style like Audrey Hepburn.

Oh, I'm looking for Debb Caruso?

Oh, my God, Will!

Debb... What did you do to Debb?

Oh, what are you doing here,
come inside, come inside.

Kids, come here, come here!

You're not going to believe it,
this is my old bandmate, Will.

Kids, this is Will Freeman,
mommy's special friend

from before daddy.

That's kind of icky.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

Hi, Bill, this is Will Freeman.

I was just telling your wife
how highly Will speaks of her.

He said she breaks
records for endurance.

Running partners, five k's.

Felt more like ten k's, Will.

Did you find a picture frame
with the old Runaway Sleigh

- lyrics in them?
- Oh, I sold them on eBay.

You sold my lyrics on eBay?

You know what, I might
have the FedEx receipt

in my eBay box, I'll
go and look, okay?

- Okay, great.
- Hey, Will,

do you think that maybe you
could sing a few lyrics

from Runaway Sleigh for my kids?

Oh, absolutely not.

Oh, hey, now I understand
why you hate Christmas.

You hate Christmas because
you hate Runaway Sleigh,

and you hate Runaway Sleigh
because it just reminds you

of how much time has passed.

Everybody's moved on with their
lives but you're just kind of

stuck in neutral.

Wrong again.

Okay.

812... Hill Grass Avenue.

Where are we, Will?

Might wanna stay outside
for this one, Marcus.

Dad.

Well...

Look what the cat dragged in.

O.M.G. You're Will's dad.

History is happening
before my eyes.

Great penmanship, by the way.

Oh, can you guys pose, cause
I'm gonna take a little picky

- for the wiki.
- Marcus, we're not gonna pose.

Even better, candid.

Let me guess, his mom was a
groupie and he's my grandson.

Good one. No, he's
my neighbor's kid.

Look, I really don't
want to be here,

and I'm obviously interrupting
a super weird party,

so I'll get right to the point.

I need my Runaway Sleigh lyrics.
Somebody at this address

bought them. I'm
assuming it was mom

before you torpedoed the
marriage and she moved

to Florida.

But if you do have
them, I need them.

Are you gonna come in?

Fine.

I'm walking into
Will's childhood home.

Oh, I'm gonna journal
about this so hard.

Ooh, it smells like toast.

But it looks like a bomb.

I'm turbo charging this
baby so Marcus can have

a very white Christmas.

Oh, how confident are you, Andy?

Well, shooting for
quadruple output,

but I'd settle for double.

Great. Now who's that?

Who's that bloke with Will,

Marcus keeps texting
me pictures.

That's Will's dad.

How lovely.

Not lovely. Explosive, actually.

Here you go.

One eggnog. Okay, thanks.

Uh, there's liquor in that.

That's all right, he
likes to hold liquor.

Well, what do ya say, you
wanna sit down at the piano

and play something? Really?

You... who am I gonna play for?

These guys? I mean,
they look like they're

waiting for the bus.

Where are my lyrics?

- How is your mother?
- Can we skip the small talk,

- please?
- Just asking.

She's lousy, that's
how she is, okay?

Her stubborn husband wouldn't
leave his dingy-ass,

hell hole in Berkeley and
move to Florida with her.

What was I gonna do in Florida?

I don't know, be with your wife,

have dinner at 3:00 P.M.,
live in the beautiful house

- I bought you?
- Oh, that place was way, way

- too big for us.
- Oh, baloney, that's-

you couldn't stand to live
in a house that I bought you

because then you'd have to admit
that I'd made it, my way.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the fact
that the minute I left

classical music and pursued
the music that I loved,

you couldn't deal with it.

That's not the way it was, Will.

Now it's true, I never have
understood your music,

but I was always fine with you
pursuing anything you loved.

No, it was when you sold that
silly song and then you stopped.

You just up and stopped trying.

I stopped trying?

I stopped trying 'cause
I don't play weddings

on the weekends for $50?

All right, listen Will, I
don't want to fight with you,

it's Christmas Eve.

I'll tell you what, why don't we
just play that Brahms Concerto

in D minor, that was always...

We're leaving. Where
are my lyrics?

I don't have your lyrics, Will.

You're gonna have to
call your mother.

Okay. Marcus, we're leaving.

Say goodbye to your friends.

Would it have hurt you
so much to just say,

"you wrote a hit song, Will, and
you made a lot of people happy

at Christmas, and
I'm proud of you"?

Would it have killed you?

Come on, Marcus, your
mom's expecting us.

Oh, I think I
finally understand.

You hate Christmas because
you hate Runaway Sleigh,

and you hate Runaway
Sleigh because it ruined

your relationship
with your father.

Come on, Marcus, let's
get out of here.

Oh, it was a real
yule log of a day.

You know, it's funny.

I used to think, you know,
"why does dad love penguins

"more than he loves me?

Why can't he be more of a dad?"

You know, hang around
the house, watch TV,

live on the same continent?

But the problem is, you
can't pick your dad.

But the cool thing is, is
you can pick your friends.

And I'm really glad
you picked me.

You're a really, really
wise person, Marcus.

Thanks, Will.

Ow, stop, it's too hard.

You know, sometimes
it helps me to howl.

What's that now?

Well, my mom taught me that,
when I'm upset about things,

you know, big things,
it's healthy to howl.

Yeah, I'm not sure that's a
universally recognized wisdom.

Marcus...

Uh, Marcus, we're in public.

Marcus, you gotta stop, I'm
not gonna howl with...

I just got a text from Marcus,
they'll be here in a minute.

You guys ready for
a white Christmas?

Yeah.

I said, are you ready
for a white Christmas?

Oh! Oh!

Dad's hanging off the roof!

Oh, my... You clumsy idiot.

I am not gonna raise
four children by myself.

Andy! Andy!

Oh, quick... let's... just...

Grab on.

Oh, my God.

All right, Andy.

I am so sorry, Fiona.

Oh, no, it's all right. I
mean, you're not dead.

Plan A was a disaster,
but we'll get a plan B.

I don't have a plan B.

But you know, it's Christmas.

- I almost died.
- That's what you get for

trying to be a show off.

Go, go, go.

Good boy.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

You're here!

Look, I wanted to give
you a white Christmas.

I wanted you to remember
there's magic in Christmas,

no matter what Will says.

After seeing Will and
his dad tonight,

I don't need Santa, or snow
machines, or fancy lights,

all I need is you, mom.

You are my Christmas.

Oh, I'm your Christmas,

you're my Christmas, darling.

I don't suppose you'd like to
stay for some eggnog, would you?

Actually, Fiona, I would love
to stay for some eggnog.

And if it's okay with you, I'd
love to stay and celebrate

Christmas, too.

Oh, we'd love to have you.

- Thanks.
- Do you hear that, kids?

It's a Christmas miracle, Uncle
Will's gonna spend Christmas

with us.

God bless us, every
friggin' one.

In fact, could you draw up
the papers, I wanna sign

and just end this crazy
lawsuit and settle.

It's too late, dummy, stalker
Stacey withdrew the offer.

We're going to trial. You
could lose everything, Will.

- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.

That sucks. Okay, wow.

All right, well, who
cares, you know?

We're here. We could've
all spent Christmas

on our own, but we have
chosen each other.

I think that's cause
for celebration.

All right, so let's bring it in.

I'm not sure this is
a Christmas thing,

it's more of a
sports thing, but...

Wait, that's Runaway Sleigh.

My God, Will.

Yes, quadruple output!